thecowisback: wondering why I'm giving up Prozac

[thecowisback]

i'm not sure where my sig is - it shows up on my introduction thread. i've been talking on there about reinstating. i don't think i'm going to go ahead with it - i'm too scared to undo all the hard work but on days like today when something big goes very very wrong i just feel so defeated and unable to cope. i'm sure i'd never try suicide - it's not something i ever considered before withdrawal. i just keep thinking about it. 

[powerback]

2 hours ago, thecowisback said:

i've never had depression before in my life so i guess it is from the withdrawals. i am afraid of getting addicted again and having to spend many months or years withdrawing from whatever drug i take. that's why i'm in a such a quandry. i'm at rock bottom right now - crying all the time, considering suicide a lot, especially when things go wrong, and i have no interest in anything in life. 

Don't judge this crying ,our upbringings can have a massive influence on how we judge ourselves ,guilt shame anxiety there all connected . Get yourself a diary and some help navigating your emotions .I had a difficult talk with my partner the other day and I ended up having access to some serious emotions ,I balled crying for a few minutes but it only left me craving access to these once again someday to purge my pain ,I've admitted to myself there's   a lot of it but it takes time and work that's worth doing .

nothing is that simple though ,I for one am finished giving space and time to the peer group I once did .I am not better than them by any means but I'm on a very different journey and have been for years .

I realised I gave too much of myself in the wrong ways  from an early age ,witch is connected to acceptance and rejection . 

 

[powerback]

Hi TCIB ,I replied to your post in off topic ,I didn't realise it wastn your thread .

This is all massive anxiety your dealing with ,this is by no means a judgement on you ,but we need a strategy when we take away the meds ,understanding what goes on in our system and brain is the key and then lots of practice.

The meds are like a dam holding back everything and then the dam is taken away we get a flood with  the previous "issues" ,not the best wording sorry ,the only one that came to mind .

we need to actively find ways to reduce anxiety  ,caffeine ,alcohol,sugar,smoking ,food intolerances,.these all chip away at our system .

I recently left my mothers house because I will no longer be in the company of a toxic and pernisish family member ,this person is very insidious and past comments he has said have come back to me now .ive a million things i can do besides be near toxic people.I dont seem to have that filter either anymore to listen to it .so best option is take myself out of the environment. 

I believe personally this journey for me will be a life's work ,when im no longer blunted by the meds I will continuously use the many strategies I've learned.

Take great care .

 

[thecowisback]

thankyou xxx

 

[thecowisback]

still holding off getting more meds, but still finding it hard. one of our kids told me yesterday how well she's doing on her medication and that she couldn't have got through the last couple of years without it. i asked her about what happens when she wants to come off the meds and she said she's prepared for it taking months or years to come off and she's not worried about that because it's helping her so much right now. 

i;m still so torn. my anxiety is very bad today thanks to lack of sleep after a bad consultation with a doctor yesterday which scared the hell out of me (not ssri related but something else). 

just counting down the days and hoping things pick up soon.....

[powerback]

8 hours ago, thecowisback said:

just counting down the days and hoping things pick up soon.....

This is positive thinking TCIB .your under so much stress ,just keep up the hope and belief itl change .

ITs so hard when we are in the pits of hell but always be on the watch for inspiration and hope  .

Take great care .

[LHarmony]

Hello the cowisback,

I so feel your pain, I was on Flouxetine/prozac,  20 mg for the last 7/8 years for IBS and hot flushes, I decided to come off it and using the NHS guidelines started taking it every other day, not a good idea at all, I now take 10 mgs everyday and have done since January.   I can't believe what an horrendous effect it has had on my life, especially as I was only taking a low dosage to start off with.  Have been back to the Drs recently and he has decided I should just up my dosage back to the original 20 mg .. I really don't want to do that otherwise what has the last year of suffering been about.   I am now keeping a journal, my sleep pattern has returned, my digestive system seems to be settled and I have noticed that I am getting maybe a day and a half of good stuff, which I cherish but have to remind myself constantly not to over do it just because I have some energy and the world is not spinning in my head, at least it show I am making progress all bit it slowly.  Keep your chin up you've got this far stands to reason you will go further x

[Eleven10]

Hi TCIB.

Im about to commence a reinstatement if proxac after 5 years off. For me it’s never improved. I still have the anxiety/depression  insomnia, vertigo, restlesnes, muscle stiffness and vision problems I had at 12 months off.

i have asked for liquid Prozac and plan to start on 2mg and work up. 

I will keep you informed. 

[thecowisback]

i'm so scared that these symptoms will never go but i'm hoping they do. good luck eleven10 when you reinstate. thankyou lharmony and powerback. i'm still holding off. i really don't want the memory problems i had on prozac, or the fact that i didn't cry or feel much for anyone. 

i hope better days are ahead though it's hard to think that way at the moment as i'm in the middle of a very big wave right now. 

 

[Eleven10]

I know what you mean about Prozac being numbing I never really cared about things too much but it’s the complete opposite now and that is much worse for me. Iv from not being able to cry to crying ever single day for 5 years, it’s exhausting. I wish my body could have fallen it to some in between stage but it can’t and it’s not like I haven’t given it a good try. We are here such a short time I pray I can get back on the prozac and get my life back I really miss me. 

I hope you improve, if your functional on some level I totally agree you should not reinstate. 

[thecowisback]

i was having one of two good days a week but these have eluded me lately, so i'm hopeful that i am very very slowly improving. i don't know how you've managed for 5 years - that sounds like sheer hell 😥

[Eleven10]

I’m sure they will come back. I used to have better days when I ovulated I would feel more relaxed but that seems to have gone now. I still ovulate but don’t get the relaxed feeling. I’m irritated and angry everyday. I feel I suck the life out of everything and everyone. It really is kill or cure time for me.

good luck xx

 

[thecowisback]

today i feel like everything is crashing down around my ears. i feel responsible for everything. everything that has gone wrong in my family is down to me. all the decisions i made my whole life have been bad ones. i am a terrible person. my whole life has been a waste and i've screwed up my kids' lives. my husband's too. 

i don't know where this has come from. i had an okay-ish day yesterday - the usual anxiety and intrusive thoughts, then last night i started to feel depressed. today feels like the world is about to end. do you remember the skits in monty python when a huge weight would drop down and squash people? that's how i feel this morning. 

i have to get the kids up now and take them to the market like i promised. i have to ring my mother and pretend to be normal and happy. i feel like i'm dying inside. i want to go back to bed and not get up until all these withdrawals have gone. 

is all this normal? do i need to go back on medication? if this is how life is going to be from now on then i don't see any other way of doing things. 

i never had depression until i gave up these bloody pills. if i take more pills i may end up worse. i may end up better. i can't make decisions right now - the whole thing sends me into a tailspin. 

 

[NewMorning]

Hi thecowisback. I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. I know what you mean though, it's a terrible state to be in, wondering if drugs themselves led you here, or they really were the thing taking the edge off the darkness. The lack of concrete answers is so frustrating. But of course there WILL be better days ahead, beautiful days that fill you up, and make you grateful to be breathing on this planet. And all those things we tell ourselves, completely utterly untrue. I don't know you but you seem like an amazing person, and an amazing mother and wife. It's only a distorted picture of the world, seen through a lens that needs heal and see it for the way it really is. That will happen. Be unrelentingly kind to yourself. I hope you're feeling better, or able to find some healthy comfortable distractions.

[thecowisback]

thankyou newmorning. my ocd is terrible this evening. i think i may have to try a low dose of 5-htp to see if that helps. i just hope it doesn't hinder my recovery. i don't know what else to try right now. 

[NewMorning]

Ya I'm not sure, it's possible. I personally tried it for about 3 days (3x100mg per day), and it either did absolutely nothing, or made me feel worse, or I was just naturally having some bad days. Or I suppose it takes time to build up in you're system. A lot of people though have great things to say about it, so who knows. (Jim Carrey raved to Larrey King once about it, so that's something:) I hope you start to feel better.

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, thecowisback said:

i'm so close to asking the doctor to put me back on ad's but i really don't want to do that in case i make things worse. 

i'm wondering if 5-htp is the lesser of two evils. there seem to be so many posts on this site for and against which makes it really hard to decide whether to try it or not. i'm wondering if it would be a better bet than the ad's, or will it set back the 18 months of withdrawal i've already endured? i don't want to prolong my healing any more but i really am at rock bottom and need some help. 

 

SA likes to keep discussions of a topic in one place so the information is more easily available for all members to find.  Please use the site search or google and add survivingantidepressants.org to the search term and add to existing topics instead of creating unnecessary new topics.  Thank you.

 

I've moved you new topic to an existing topic here:

 

5-htp-5-hydroxytryptophan-and-l-tryptophan

[Iatrogenesis]

Thecowisback, I'm really sorry you're feeling this bad. No doubt those negative thoughts are just the product of WD. 

 

Sorry 5HTP didn't help you. The problem with holding after a non-smooth withdrawal process is that really you can't know how soon your body recovers to the state you would achieve by quiting the drugs properly over a longer period of time.

And that's what scares me. I have spent a year at the longest staying in a CT WD state and I was completely messed up and useless. So I have an idea how hard and painful this can be and I have no doubt your state is caused by a too quick taper.

 

Now I'm not really trying to convince you to do anything... I know (almost?) nobody here likes these drugs and it's your choice how you want to go on. It's just that for me, the idea of staying in this damaged state for a long time while not really knowing when your body could shrug this trauma off is well... a bit scary. Then again, I know you'd already made this decision earlier to hold...

 

As a side note, I'm not sure if a 2 months long taper is enough to make the difference for anyone susceptible to WD from these drugs. But the mods here have way more experience with that than me. I know 10 months made the difference for me, but then it seems I'm more towards the luckier end of the spectrum.

 

Hoping you feel better soon.

 

EDIT:

By the way, could trying Prozac really make you much worse off? Isn't it the case that even if you got an adverse reaction you could just quit them quickly and just get a bit disrupted? I'm just wondering, as I've mentioned before the whole idea of reinstatement not working or causing an adverse reaction is completely alien to me.

[Altostrata]

On 8/6/2018 at 6:48 AM, thecowisback said:

I'm at the point where i feel i have to go and see the doctor to tomorrow and get a new script for prozac. My family can't take any more of my constant fear and anger. I,ve tried so hard to do without the drugs but i can't take any more of this fear. I need to live, i need to be able to function every day and i cannot do it without the meds. People keep telling me if i was diabetic i wouldn't deny myself insulin, so why deny myself antidepressants when my body clearly needs them to function? I used to think that was a stupid statement as you will die without insulin if you are diabetic but i'm now starting to see some sense in it as i feel suicidal most days since coming off prozac. I'm throwing in the towel. the drug manufacturers have won - they'll have yet another patient for life.

 

On 8/6/2018 at 10:20 AM, thecowisback said:

first year started with physical withdrawals. then came the anger - angry at everyone and everything. road rage. shouting at people in the street for dropping litter etc. constantly shouting at my family for no reason. that gave way to anxiety which is still a problem. i would wake up terrified in the morning then it would gradually fade throughout the day. now it comes and goes throughout the day with no pattern. it's very rare i wake up terrified any more. by last winter the insomnia started - waking up earlier and earlier in the morning until i was only getting an hour or two of sleep. that has also improved a lot, i think because i'm taking magnesium. last winter the depression appeared too and that is getting worse and worse. each time i have a window it is always followed by depression. days like today i just want to crawl in a hole and die. i've argued with my husband again today. i took a long long walk to try to calm down but came home feeling lower than ever. it feels like i'm sinking in quicksand. i just want something to take all the depression and anxiety away. i just want to feel normal. i want to enjoy life like i see other people around me doing. i took my daughter to the beach two days ago and spent an hour and a half in the sea with her, but i was just crying the whole time. what should have been lovely quality time with her was wasted on me bawling my eyes out and her constantly asking what was wrong. the sun was out, the sea was warm, the beach was full of happy laughing people and in my head all i wanted to do was keep swimming towards the horizon and never come back.......

 

Your entire family is on psychiatric drugs and you are caring for children and a disabled husband. Is it possible your life situation is stressful, frustrating, and depressing? Have you ever talked to a counselor about this? It would be a good idea to seek family therapy.

 

 

Way back, when you joined this site, you rejected the idea of reinstatement. As you got withdrawal syndrome from going off Prozac and had a bad reaction to an excessive dose of Zoloft (we caution people who are in withdrawal against trying "normal" dosages), it never made any sense to reinstate Zoloft.

 

For reinstatement, we would suggest maybe 1mg (ONE MILLIGRAM) of Prozac to start. This is still something you can try. If your symptoms are from withdrawal, even this small reinstatement might relieve them. However, if your symptoms are not from withdrawal, 1mg Prozac probably won't do anything (unless it has a placebo effect, which is possible).

 

It's clear you did have withdrawal symptoms for at least a year. Now it appears your main symptoms are "depression", "OCD", and "anxiety", but it is unclear whether this is related to coming off Prozac in February 2017.

 

What exactly do you mean by "depression", "OCD", and "anxiety"? Are these symptoms constant or do they come in waves?

 

Please put ALL your drugs, including amlodipine, in the Drug Interactions Checker https://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.php
and copy and paste the results or a link to them in this topic.

 

How long have you been taking amlodipine? Why was it prescribed? Please read about amlodipine adverse effects . Depression is among them. Do you have any other symptoms that might be side effects of this drug?

 

The adverse effects of blood pressure drugs can be quite serious. Also read Some blood pressure drugs tied to risk of mood disorder hospital stays

 

Are your symptoms worse at any particular time of day? What is your daily symptom pattern? How's your sleep? Please keep daily notes on paper about your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages. Use a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom, drug and dosage) on the right.

[thecowisback]

my entire family is not on psychiatric drugs. 2 family members are on ad's but they don't live with us. i've had counselling and it was slightly helpful but i still struggle with the intrusive thoughts. i've asked several times for family therapy only to be told they don't do that in our area any more. psychiatric help in this area is abysmal.

my ocd is constant, the anxiety and depression usually come in alternating waves - some days anxiety wins out, some days depression. i didn't know about amlodipine side effects. the doctors never tell me anything. when i asked to go back on ad's they refused to prescibe a tiny dose - they offered me either sertraline or prozac, sertraline at 50mg or prozac at 20mg. they refuse  to believe i'm still having withdrawals.

 

[thecowisback]

i've been taking amlodipine for a few months (will have to check how long). i don't have any side effects from it that i know of. i was on it when i was still on prozac and didn't have any problems then either, but if depression is a side effect then maybe it was masked by the prozac. 

 

[thecowisback]

just checked and the amlodipine was started mid december last year. i was having depressive symptoms for quite a long time before this. 

[Iatrogenesis]

I think the lowest dose Prozac comes in is 10 mg. So you would have to dilute the pills, either way? Or are too many GP visits the problem?

(IF you wanted to do it)

[thecowisback]

How to you dilute prozac?

[ChessieCat]

Here is a topic which explains how:  Making a citalopram solution yourself

 

To get 1mg dose you can dissolve:

 

10mg tablet in 10mL of water and take 1mL

 

10mg tablet in 100mL of water and take 10mL

 

If your tablets are, for example, 25mg use 25mL of water and take 1mL, or use 250mL of water and take 10mL

 

The remainder can be kept in the fridge for several days.  Always use the same tools to measure.  It's a good idea to write down your recipe so if you have a brain freeze you can refer back to it.

[thecowisback]

thankyou. 

[thecowisback]

https://www.drugs.com/interactions-check.php?drug_list=1463-0,172-0

 

[thecowisback]

how much does junk food impact on recovery? normally we eat really well as a family but one thing i've noticed is over the summer we've had lots of days out and have been relying on takeout food once or twice a week. takeaway is normally a rare treat for us but we've been eating chinese food weekly and often fish and chips too in the same week. 

i'm wondering if this has anything to do with my windows disappearing over the last few weeks? 

does anyone else find they have problems if they eat takeaway food? 

[jonnypeters1234567]

MSG has a big effect

[Iatrogenesis]

Yeah, I meant dissolve.

 

On 8/20/2018 at 9:31 AM, ChessieCat said:

Here is a topic which explains how:  Making a citalopram solution yourself

 

To get 1mg dose you can dissolve:

 

10mg tablet in 10mL of water and take 1mL

 

10mg tablet in 100mL of water and take 10mL

 

If your tablets are, for example, 25mg use 25mL of water and take 1mL, or use 250mL of water and take 10mL

 

The remainder can be kept in the fridge for several days.  Always use the same tools to measure.  It's a good idea to write down your recipe so if you have a brain freeze you can refer back to it.

 

I'm a big fan of graduated cylinders, myself. Cheap syringes, for example, can be quite inaccurate (not pipettes). You just have to keep in mind to measure from the bottom of the meniscus.

 

On 8/20/2018 at 10:39 AM, thecowisback said:

how much does junk food impact on recovery? normally we eat really well as a family but one thing i've noticed is over the summer we've had lots of days out and have been relying on takeout food once or twice a week. takeaway is normally a rare treat for us but we've been eating chinese food weekly and often fish and chips too in the same week. 

i'm wondering if this has anything to do with my windows disappearing over the last few weeks? 

does anyone else find they have problems if they eat takeaway food? 

 

The quality of food you eat no doubt has a great impact on your whole wellbeing. Food is pretty essential for maintaining life functions, after all .

[Eleven10]

Can you ask for liquid Prozac? They initially refused me liquid but I said I could not swallow tablets since my withdrawal reaction. You can then start very very low 

[thecowisback]

i'm still holding off reinstating. i've had a very stressful couple of days with various doctors and hospital tests but i'm hanging on in there. 

[thecowisback]

is it normal for windows to just disappear? will they come back? i was having one or two days a week but they've deserted me this month. i've smartened up my eating this week, still exercising and trying to drink more but maybe i'm hoping for too much too soon. i'm just scared they've gone for good! 

[thecowisback]

I hope someone can offer me hope that the windows will appear again. It's been so long now since i've had a break from the neverending intrusive thoughts.

[Tarheel109]

8 hours ago, thecowisback said:

I hope someone can offer me hope that the windows will appear again. It's been so long now since i've had a break from the neverending intrusive thoughts.

Of course they will. The fact that you’ve had these windows means that your brain does know how to get there.

 

It sounds as though you are being tested right now and I’m sorry for that. I truly hope that you are able to find some relief from these debilitating waves you are experiencing.

[Carmie]

17 hours ago, thecowisback said:

I hope someone can offer me hope that the windows will appear again. It's been so long now since i've had a break from the neverending intrusive thoughts.

 

Hi thecowisback, 

 

Yes, windows always eventually come. I’ve been tapering for many, many years n sometimes waves felt like they were never going to end, but they always did eventually.

 

It is really hard not knowing when windows will comes but they will.

 

If you’re in severe waves just try n find things to distract yourself to get through each day. I know it’s hard but that all we can do. Take one moment at a time. 

 

Wishing you all the best💚