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thecowisback

thecowisback: wondering why I'm giving up Prozac

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thecowisback

i've had more windows and the depression has lifted a huge amount, but i have no way of knowing if that's down to the prozac or stopping amlodipine which can cause depression. the waves now seem more intense than before. i'm not sure if that's true or if it's how i'm perceiving them but i feel like i'm making life such a misery for my family and i just want this intense fear to stop. 

oddly enough pb hospitals don't phase me much. because of family health problems in the past i'm well used to them and just look forward to having nice lunch in the canteen 😉 have you got any more insight as to how you've gotten so bad at the moment? do you still think it's down to overdoing it when you helped your friend recently?

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powerback
4 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

i've had more windows and the depression has lifted a huge amount, but i have no way of knowing if that's down to the prozac or stopping amlodipine which can cause depression. the waves now seem more intense than before. i'm not sure if that's true or if it's how i'm perceiving them but i feel like i'm making life such a misery for my family and i just want this intense fear to stop. 

oddly enough pb hospitals don't phase me much. because of family health problems in the past i'm well used to them and just look forward to having nice lunch in the canteen 😉 have you got any more insight as to how you've gotten so bad at the moment? do you still think it's down to overdoing it when you helped your friend recently?

Oh yes of course doing that work ruined me ,I was doing light walks when I could the previous few months.its my ego,it perceives all this process as weakness so it pushed me towards self destructive ego machoism.in the summer I did work on my house while having a chest infection .dam nuts I was.anymore work on the house ,I will get help from my uncle ,I need to drop my gaurd and be ok with not doing things .

The podcasts I listen to dont help ,alfa male.I listen to joe rogan and some of hes guests drive my critic insane.

 

I have a weird body dismorfia going on ,I feel like a monster alfa male stuck inside a "weak beta males body" .

Im used to people asking me to do things and I cant now.I thought this experience would humble me but its the opissite ,it could kill me.

Thats cool you enjoy hospitals,nothing but triggers for me (sick asthmatic child)and being a germ afobe ,no thanks ha.

The bonus is your depression has lifted .dont fret why for now,enjoy it being gone.

Your are not a sociopath,you are not doing this to your family on purpose,maybe theyl be forced to learn more about this process..

Take Care

 

 

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thecowisback

4/04

7am got up after restless night. took 3mg prozac. 

very anxious all morning, lots of ocd thoughts. trying to dismiss them. 

2.45 itchy patch on left leg stared to itch like mad again. used some aloe vera gel which helped. 

3.50 feeling very panicky. listened to music to help myself calm down. wanted to go for a walk but very stormy outside. 

5.00 cooked dinner. tearful and panicky. 

calmed down a little after dinner and watched tv with the kids. 

9.00 very panicky again. trying not to engage with the ocd thoughts. 

11.00 took candesartan 4mg, levothyroxine 75 mcg, sage 50mg. went to bed. 

actually slept really well all night. woke a couple of times but managed to go back to sleep. awake from 5-5.45 am but nodded off again until 7 am so probably the best night's sleep i've had in ages. 

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thecowisback

it's been 2 weeks since i upped the prozac. i might try upping it again tomorrow. 

the last 2 weeks have been miserable. the depression has mostly lifted but panic and anxiety has filled the gap. 

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powerback
54 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

it's been 2 weeks since i upped the prozac. i might try upping it again tomorrow. 

the last 2 weeks have been miserable. the depression has mostly lifted but panic and anxiety has filled the gap. 

Just back from DR myself and he was taken aback at my prozac dose 4mg ,very low he said .I mite up it myself .

At what cost I wonder myself about getting off meds .

Take care.

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thecowisback

indeed. it's so hard to make a decision when we have no real idea of the consequences. the only thing stopping me upping it to the full dose right now is the thought of more start-up side effects. i feel like such a failure having battled to stay off the drugs for 2 years only to be sitting here thinking of upping the dose again but bloody hell i need some sort of life back, not this miserable existence battling to find a glimmer of relief in what is usually days on end of fear, panic and constant dread. i feel like i've lost the past 2 years with my family as i haven't been participating fully in family life, just trying to tread water and hold my head above the surface while normal life has been carrying on around me. 

i guess hundreds of others on this site must have thought and felt the same but i just don't have the same strength that they have to carry on. my family need me, and they need a functioning parent, not someone who constantly drags them down with tears, fears, phobias and ocd rituals. 

i just hope to god slowly upping the dosage does something, or at the least does nothing. i dread to think what things will be like if it makes them worse, but it's a chance i'm going to have to gamble on i reckon. 

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powerback
11 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

indeed. it's so hard to make a decision when we have no real idea of the consequences. the only thing stopping me upping it to the full dose right now is the thought of more start-up side effects. i feel like such a failure having battled to stay off the drugs for 2 years only to be sitting here thinking of upping the dose again but bloody hell i need some sort of life back, not this miserable existence battling to find a glimmer of relief in what is usually days on end of fear, panic and constant dread. i feel like i've lost the past 2 years with my family as i haven't been participating fully in family life, just trying to tread water and hold my head above the surface while normal life has been carrying on around me. 

i guess hundreds of others on this site must have thought and felt the same but i just don't have the same strength that they have to carry on. my family need me, and they need a functioning parent, not someone who constantly drags them down with tears, fears, phobias and ocd rituals. 

i just hope to god slowly upping the dosage does something, or at the least does nothing. i dread to think what things will be like if it makes them worse, but it's a chance i'm going to have to gamble on i reckon. 

Well slowly upping the dose will give you more control so just thread carefully and keep at it ,keep working on your thinking.

ive noticed how my partner cant get her head around why I loath myself and my past  so much  so this keeps me pushing to keep at it .it has to be the withdrawl .keep telling yourself this  when you are so  hard on yourself

.you will have to see if you feel worse in the days afterwards  if you do too much ,I understand raising kids doesn't give you much time alone but the hardest thing can be doing nothing ,especially when our minds run a million miles an hour . but ive been forced to do nothing the last few months and its very hard but a must .this withdrawl creates a valid  obsession but we need to keep finding ways out of our head .

Take care .

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thecowisback

ah yes, thoughts of the past. this constantly plagues my mind. things i did, the person i was, the people i let down, the crap decisions i'm now regretting. i never felt like this until withdrawal hit and now i hate the very fibre of my being.......

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Sassenach

Please do not make a rush decision today.

Look back at your post yesterday.

I am also feeling lousy today. I made my decision to cold turkey when I felt like this, big mistake.

Tomorrow will be better so decide then.

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thecowisback

i hope so xxx

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thecowisback

5/04

7 am took 3mg prozac. 

very anxious and panicky all day. 

2 pm fell asleep for an hour. felt more anxious and disorientated. 

5 pm cooked dinner. very shaky and tearful. 

8 pm leg started itching  again. 

very bad ocd all evening. 

11.30 took levithyroxine 75mcg, sage 50mg, candesartan 4 mg. restless sleep. awake at 5am with bad panic. 

 

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Orangeblossom77

I just wondered if you know there is this thing where we can apparently access therapy more easily on NHS...might be good to have some kind of counselling about the past? Try not to worry about past decisions, be kind to yourself. Think of all the kind good things you do now, with your children etc. It's sometimes much easier to be mean to ourselves though isn't it.

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thecowisback

i've all but given up on therapy. i paid for counselling last year but didn't really get much out of it. i felt like i was.just telling them what i thought they wanted to hear and i find it excruciating telling my problems to anyone, let alone a stranger. 

i think this is something i'm going to have to tackle alone. the counsellor i saw did a lot of work on forgiving myself and telling me how i made the best decisions at the time. i don't think she understood at all how much my emotions are ramped up because of withdrawal.

i think the past is just another big stick to beat myself with and i'm working hard on trying to just focus on the present. i have yet another new self help book on my coffe table this week and it is actually very interesting so far ( a lot more so than the other dozen or so sitting on my shelves half finished. eckhart tolle's book has to be the driest read since the set books we were made to read in school 😉).

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Sassenach

Hi

 

Just checking in. you sound calmer and even a touch of humour.

 

Orange blossom has a point, although you felt dreadful yesterday you cooked a meal and no doubt did a whole of other things wives and mothers do without realising.

 

Look after yourself too.

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thecowisback

💙💚💛

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LarryS

I read a small portion of your thread, where you where feeling suicidal.  I'm hoping you are still looking for hope.  As one who has been in a mental hospital because of thoughts of suicide, I can assure you, you do not want to go to a mental hospital.  I'm very glad that I am past thoughts of suicide.  I know how thoughts of deep regret and loathing can take one down the road to dispair.  I am so thankful to still be around enjoying my 3 children and 5 grandchildren.  Life can be very good.  

Perhaps you have not come across the best person for you to talk with.  I encourage you to try and talk with someone.  Give them 1 to 3 one hour sessions, then move on if not connecting.

Do you believe in feeding your soul and spirit with good instruction?  I think you do, sine you mention reading self help books.  I certainly have read my share of self help books.  Ask, and I will share what helps me.

Only you can seek to find hope and peace within.

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thecowisback

those feelings of regret are the worst at the moment. regret and fear of the future loom very large right now 😰😰

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thecowisback

6/04

7 am took 3.5mg prozac. will update signature when i can get on the computer.

high anxiety all morning. lots of crying. tried to explain to family members why i'm feeling so low. they're sympathetic but are feeling tired of my incessant low mood and panicking. 

1 pm ate lunch then fell asleep. woke 15 minutes later in a state of panic. 

cried on and off all afternoon. lovely sunny day but couldn't even bring myself to leave the house for a walk round the garden. feeling completely hopeless.

6pm ordered takeaway. 

watched movies all evening with the kids which distracted me a little. 

12.00 am took levothyroxine 75mcg, sage 50mg, candesartan 4mg. bought magnesium but forgot to take it. 

couldn't get to sleep. constant ruminating about things in the past, letting family down etc. 2 am got up and tried to read for anwhile. still very panicky. tried sleeping on the sofa. kept drifting off then being woken in panic again. spent the rest of the night alternating between the bed and the sofa but didn't get to sleep until around 7 am.

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powerback
13 hours ago, thecowisback said:

those feelings of regret are the worst at the moment. regret and fear of the future loom very large right now 😰😰

DITO,dam withdrawl hey.consumed with fear for the future today myself.

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thecowisback

😓😓

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ChessieCat
9 hours ago, thecowisback said:

i'm very close to updosing to a full 20mg of prozac

 

If you decide to increase it would be better to increase by small increments.

 

From Post #1 of this topic:

 

On 10/9/2012 at 10:17 AM, Altostrata said:

There are reports of people with prolonged post-withdrawal syndrome who did better taking a drug at full dosage 2 years later. If you want to do this, please consult a doctor, we cannot advise you on it, the doctor is going to have to monitor your reaction to the drug.

 

These are forums for people who want online support for staying on drugs:

 

depressionforums.com or PatientsLikeMe.com

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Altostrata
On 4/6/2019 at 8:29 AM, thecowisback said:

i've all but given up on therapy. i paid for counselling last year but didn't really get much out of it. i felt like i was.just telling them what i thought they wanted to hear and i find it excruciating telling my problems to anyone, let alone a stranger. 

i think this is something i'm going to have to tackle alone. the counsellor i saw did a lot of work on forgiving myself and telling me how i made the best decisions at the time. i don't think she understood at all how much my emotions are ramped up because of withdrawal.

i think the past is just another big stick to beat myself with and i'm working hard on trying to just focus on the present. i have yet another new self help book on my coffe table this week and it is actually very interesting so far ( a lot more so than the other dozen or so sitting on my shelves half finished. eckhart tolle's book has to be the driest read since the set books we were made to read in school 😉).

 

This post shows a lot of growth, TCIB.

 

Here's something to talk about with a therapist: "I feel like I'm telling you what you want to hear." There's worlds in that. It strikes right at something that's been holding you back all your life.

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thecowisback

thankyou 

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thecowisback

7/03

7am took 3.5mg prozac

very tired after very little sleep. 

anxious and panicky all morning. 

1 pm forced myself to eat. not really hungry because of anxiety. 

2pm went for a long walk. 

5 pm cooked dinner. spoke to a friend on the phone while cooking to distract me. 

6.45 had a phone call with some unwelcome news. had to visit a family member and didn't get back until late. 

12.00 am took candesartan 4mg, levothyroxine 75 mcg, sage 50mg tried to sleep but found it hard to wind down after the events of the evening. nodded off around 2 am. slept until 6 am. 

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Altostrata

You're going to have to decide whether you feel better or worse on a higher dosage of Prozac. That is the deciding factor.

 

It's been hard to figure this out from your posts. You will have to make the judgment call yourself.

 

 

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thecowisback

it's a tough one. i'll try this dose for a couple of weeks and see how it goes. 

the depression has returned with a vengeance this week, but that's probably down to the stress from a family crisis at the moment. 

 

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thecowisback

8/04

7 am took 3.5mg prozac. 

anxious all morning. trying to defuse the thoughts. 

11 am itchy patch on leg started itching again. used aloe vera gel. eased after about an hour. 

2 pm picked up bits and pieces in the shops. mildly anxious but not too bad. 

4pm started to think doom and gloom thoughts. tried distracting myself by going for a walk with the kids. 

5 pm cooked dinner. very distracted. it didn't turn out well and everyone left it. didn't feel hungry anyway. 

feeling very low all evening. tried to watch tv but couldn't settle or concentrate. 

11.00 took candesartan 4mg, levothyroxine 75 mcg, sage 50mg went to bed. didn't sleep well. kept waking and thinking doom and gloom thoughts. tried 'changing the channel' (thankyou altostrata for that suggestion that i read on here somewhere) but didn't sleep past 5 am. 

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thecowisback

9/04

7 am took 3.5mg prozac. 

feeling very low and hopeless. feel like i have to push on through the day. 

12.00 had lunch. feeling a bit dizzy.  tried to nap after lunch but feeling too restless. 

3.30 picked kids up from school. felt dizzy when walking. passed after a few minutes. 

5.00 cooked dinner. crying lots again. feeling very hopeless. 

watched tv with the kids in the evening. still very restless - felt as if i had to be doing something but not sure what. depressed feeling lifted a lot in the evening. 

11.00  took candesartan 4mg, levothyroxine 75 mcg, sage 50mg went to bed

12.00 am. woke up again thinking it was morning! 

5 am up again. trying to defuse thoughts. nodded off until about 6. 

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thecowisback

10/04

7am took prozac 3.5mg

had to visit the dentist. fine with the dental work (even though it was more work than i expected), but my head was full of racing thoughts all morning. 

12.00 had lunch. still lots of thoughts but trying hard to defuse them 

3.30 picked kids up. forced myself to go for a walk. 

5.00 cooked dinner. very anxious, wanting to seek reassurance. held off. high anxiety.

7.20 ankles started to tingle/itch. lasted about an hour. 

9.00 watched a fil. kept falling asleep. calmer.

11.00 took sage 50 mg, levothyroxine 75mcg, candesartan 4 mg.  disturbed sleep- woke up every hour through the night but always managed to fall back to sleep. 

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thecowisback

11/04

7 am took 3.5 mg prozac. very tense and anxious. 

intrusive thoughts all day. trying to defuse them. very tired. 

2 pm fell asleep on the sofa. slept for an hour (very unusual for me these days) 

3.30 picked up kids from school. anxiety very bad. 

5.00 cooked dinner. still very anxious. 

7.00 still feel very tired. ocd is pretty bad tonight. 

10.30 weird tingling is back in ankles. also itching on left leg. 

11pm took sage 50 mg, levothyroxine 75mcg, candesartan 4 mg went to bed. disturbed sleep, slept until 5 am then wide awake with racing thoughts. 

 

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thecowisback

what's the best length of time to wait between increasing doses? i keep reading that it takes 4 days for the drugs to work in the body and longer for them to register in the brain, but does this take longer for prozac because of the long half life? 

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Lloyd
34 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

what's the best length of time to wait between increasing doses? i keep reading that it takes 4 days for the drugs to work in the body and longer for them to register in the brain, but does this take longer for prozac because of the long half life? 

 

Depends on the individual i guess. Up dosing seems to cause less issues for people rather than decreasing dose. How are you feeling now with the reinstatment?

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thecowisback

a lot of the depression has lifted but ocd and panic have filled the gap it left, so i guess i'm no better off so far. i think i'll try upping the dose again tomorrow.

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GonnaBeOk

@thecowisback The panic is just so suffocating and unnerving. 

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thecowisback

😰😰😰😰

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thecowisback

12/04

7am took prozac 3.5 mg very scared this morning.

8.30 dropped kids at school and went into town to run errands. anxious.

1.00 hand lunch. very tired. nodded off for half an hour or so. 

5.00 cooked dinner. anxious.

anxiety died down during the evening then ramped up again at around 10 pm.

11 pm took candesartan 4 mg, magnesium 200mg, sage 50mg, levothyroxine 75mcg.

restless sleep.

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