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thecowisback: wondering why I'm giving up Prozac


thecowisback

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Thankyou. It feels so long since i've had a window i've forgotten what it feels like. 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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i've seen this (AAF - Acknowledge Accept Float) mentioned in a post and i've tried searching for the technique in the posts already on the board but can't find a post relating to the actual method. i've tried following a similar method from claire weekes and with Dare, but i stumble all the time when it gets to the bit about floating. i just cannot visualise how to do this. 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
post moved - explanation added

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 

AAF - Acknowledge Accept Float:

 

On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

 

 

These may be helpful too:

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)
 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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thankyou!!! 

 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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i feel like i'm sinking deeper and deeper. my mind is racing non-stop with intrusive thoughts - lots of panic about events in the future. i'm crying at the drop of a hat. i can't be bothered with anything in life. everything feels like too much hard work. my mind is constantly trying to solve unsolveable problems. has anyone seen the film a beautiful mind? it shows the mathematicians mind working and it's contstant numbers and symbols. that is how my minds eye looks to me. 

is this just a very big wave? i just hope and pray this will end soon. i keep asking why? why is this happening? am i a really bad person? i feel like i'm being punished. 

please can someone tell me they've been here and it's improved???

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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God I’m so sorry. This is like reading about my own brain. 

I just can’t stop thinking. Consumed by thoughts about how to get well again. It’s like my brain is trying to figure it out 24 hrs a day. Anyway won’t say too much as you need positive stuff but don’t think your alone. Take care 

 

 

Prozac 17 years 20mg.

Cold turkey Feb 2014

Restarted 2mg of prozac 26.8.18..

 

 

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i can't believe how long you've been going through this eleven10! i've been reading your posts each day. i hope you find some relief soon xx 

 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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  • 3 weeks later...

after a few blissful days of a window i'm back down to earth with a bump. today i am exhausted, scared, fearing every single thought in my head and cannot stop crying. i keep telling myself this is  wave, i can handle it, but it feels like i can see into the depths of hell on days like this. 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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2 days later and still no sign of this panic easing. i've been awake half the night worrying myself silly with racing thoughts rushing round in my head. i keep trying to convince myself there will be more windows coming along soon. i hate how everything plummets after a couple of good days. the fear today seems so real!!!!

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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  • 1 month later...

a month on from my last post and the fear still persists. i've had the odd day or two of relief over the past few weeks but it never lasts long before the fear comes back with a vengeance. i'm dreading another christmas feeling like this. i really thought there would be some improvement by now but i'm in the exact same place as i was last october. i feel like i'm in groundhog day.

i keep reading the success stories and they all say give it time but at this rate i feel like i'm going be an old old lady before i see any difference.

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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  • Mentor

I can relate completely. Actually looked up in my journal for last year to see how I was doing at this time. Ugh. It feels pretty much the same! I mean maybe it doesn't as there is no time machine to go back to see exactly how you felt. I did notice that I took Benadryl some because I felt like crawling out of my skin. Akasthisia, I guess. At least that is more rare now. But the waves still feel dark.

 

It looks like we're on a similar timeline and withdrawal method: too fast taper in early 2017 for popular ADs. We're both having a great time. My alarm clock is repeating "I Got You Babe" too.

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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😄 you've made me laugh which is a rare thing these days so thankyou!! 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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7 hours ago, thecowisback said:

a month on from my last post and the fear still persists. i've had the odd day or two of relief over the past few weeks but it never lasts long before the fear comes back with a vengeance. i'm dreading another christmas feeling like this. i really thought there would be some improvement by now but i'm in the exact same place as i was last october. i feel like i'm in groundhog day.

i keep reading the success stories and they all say give it time but at this rate i feel like i'm going be an old old lady before i see any difference.

Hi TCIB ,im hit with the same thoughts ,I can remember last Halloween was the same but ive learned more and practicing mindfulness and other tools are pulling my stinking thinking out of the gutter .I cant believe how sick ive been all summer compared to last year  but ive had other health issues on top so at least I can see this . ive got no traction on my taper ,its getting ridiculous and embarrassing but ive been very sick .

I used like the movie groundhog day ,I wont be watching that again soon .

We keep at it ,take care and be safe . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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thankyou 😊

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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is it normal for the duration between windows to vary? i thought they gradually got closer together as time went on but i have had spells where i've had one window a month down to 1 a week and now they're getting further and further apart again which makes me feel like my recovery is stalling.

 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
1 hour ago, thecowisback said:

is it normal for the duration between windows to vary? i thought they gradually got closer together as time went on but i have had spells where i've had one window a month down to 1 a week and now they're getting further and further apart again which makes me feel like my recovery is stalling.

 


Dear thecowisback,

In my experience, yes, my windows and waves durations varied for quite a long time.  Many times, I'd felt I'd plateaued, but it wasn't the case.  

*I'm not a doctor and don't give medical advice, just personal experience
**Off all meds since Nov. 2014. Mentally & emotionally recovered; physically not
-Dual cold turkeys off TCA & Ativan in Oct 2014. Prescribed from 2011-2014

-All meds were Rxed off-label for an autoimmune illness.  It was a MISDIAGNOSIS, but I did not find out until AFTER meds caused damage.  All med tapers/cold turkeys directed by doctors 

-Nortriptyline May 2012 - Dec 2013. Cold turkey off nortrip & cold switched to desipramine

-Desipramine Jan 2014 - Oct. 29, 2014 (rapid taper/cold turkey)

-Lorazepam 1 mg per night during 2011
-Lorazepam 1 mg per month in 2012 (or less)

-Lorazepam on & off, Dec 2013 through Aug 2014. Didn't exceed 3x a week

-Lorazepam again in Oct. 2014 to help get off of desipramine. Last dose lzpam was 1 mg, Nov. 2, 2014. Immediate paradoxical reactions to benzos after stopping TCAs 

-First muscle/dystonia side effects started on nortriptyline, but docs too stupid to figure it out. On desipramine, muscle tremors & rigidity worsened

-Two weeks after I got off all meds, I developed full-blown TD.  Tardive dystonia, dyskinesia, myoclonic jerks ALL over body, ribcage wiggles, facial tics, twitching tongue & fingers, tremors/twitches of arms, legs, cognitive impairment, throat muscles semi-paralyzed & unable to swallow solid food, brain zaps, ears ring, dizzy, everything looks too far away, insomnia, numbness & electric shocks everywhere when I try to fall asleep, jerk awake from sleep with big, gasping breaths, wake with terrors & tremors, severely depressed.  NO HISTORY OF DEPRESSION, EVER. Meds CREATED it.

-Month 7: hair falling out; no vision improvement; still tardive dystonia; facial & tongue tics returned
-Month 8: back to acute, incl. Grand Mal seizure-like episodes. New mental torment, PGAD, worse insomnia
-Month 9: tardive dystonia worse, dyskinesia returned. Unable to breathe well due to dystonia in stomach, chest, throat
-Month 13: Back to acute, brain zaps back, developed eczema & stomach problems. Left leg no longer works right due to dystonia, meaning both legs now damaged
-7 years off: Huge improvements, incl. improved dystonia

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that's a relief to hear. i thought i was getting worse again!!!

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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i'm at the top of a wave today after a very stressful day yesterday. i just want to feel calm again. i miss the calm that the meds gave me and i just want to feel some of that peace again. i get the odd day here and there when i can dismiss the scary thoughts without too much effort but the next day BANG the anxiety is back again with a vengeance.

today i feel as if i'm being turned inside out with all the fear and anxiety rushing round my body. someone please tell me all this will be worth it in the end!!!!

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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17 hours ago, thecowisback said:

i'm at the top of a wave today after a very stressful day yesterday. i just want to feel calm again. i miss the calm that the meds gave me and i just want to feel some of that peace again. i get the odd day here and there when i can dismiss the scary thoughts without too much effort but the next day BANG the anxiety is back again with a vengeance.

today i feel as if i'm being turned inside out with all the fear and anxiety rushing round my body. someone please tell me all this will be worth it in the end!!!!

 

It will be worth it in the end. There are so many recovery stories that attest to that fact! 

 

In the meantime, have you thought of trying n-acetyl cysteine (NAC)?  (SA topic: n-acetylcysteine-nac) 400 mg/day of magnesium is also very helpful for anxiety. Just make sure it’s NOT magnesium oxide, which is not considered a good form of magnesium.

 

 

Also, avoid foods that contain excitotoxins (such as MSG, yeast extract, aspartame, etc.), which increase anxiety.

 

 

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added link to sa topic

1996-2007 - sertraline 200 mg/day

2007-3/16 - sertraline 100 mg/day

3/16-8/16 - sertraline 75 mg/day

8/16-1/17 - sertraline 50 mg/day

1/17-8/17 - sertraline 25 mg/day, St. John's Wort 700-1250 mg/day

8/17 - Stopped sertraline and continued taking SJW. Soon after, stopped SJW and started 400 mg SAM-e/day.

2/18 - Reinstated SJW (taking sporadically)

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no i haven't heard of nac. i'm a bit wary of trying anything else in the way of supplements. i've been taking magnesium for a few months but it hasn't really helped. i tried b vitamins and they sent my anxiety through the roof, as did 5 htp so i'm very cautious. when i'm feeling this strung out it's very hard to see any sort of recovery happening. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. i've barely stopped crying all day from the fear. 

 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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2 hours ago, thecowisback said:

no i haven't heard of nac. i'm a bit wary of trying anything else in the way of supplements. i've been taking magnesium for a few months but it hasn't really helped. i tried b vitamins and they sent my anxiety through the roof, as did 5 htp so i'm very cautious. when i'm feeling this strung out it's very hard to see any sort of recovery happening. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. i've barely stopped crying all day from the fear. 

 

Hey. 

I agree vitamin B can make anxiety worse! I tried it and stopped immediately. I only take magnesium and omega 3 now and it works well. These days I’m mostly in window, and I think meditation daily, seeing my psychologist and exercise has mostly helped it. I’m not completely off meds yet- I’m down to 5mg of the 20mg of lexapro that I was on for 5 years.  

My husband has kept an eye on me too. He reminded me of the days I would be crying, wanting to go back on meds, major mood swings etc. certainly better now, but I think meditation payed a big part. Don’t buy into your thought and feelings- they pass. Don’t believe everything going on in your head, it’s withdrawal. Don’t give your thoughts sooo much power. I’ve used headspace for meditation- the anxiety pack specifically. I’ve done it over and over again for the past 6 months. It’s not a quick fix, but it’s a massive help in the long run. Keep going. You’re doing great.  

Hi! I’m JustCope. 

 Currently tapering off 20mg lexapro. I’m about 10 weeks in and at 5mg- kinda fast I realise- stupidly listened to a GP who spoke to me for 5 mins about stopping lexapro. 🤕

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  • Moderator Emeritus
12 hours ago, Ali75 said:

have you thought of trying n-acetyl cysteine (NAC)

 

SA topic: n-acetylcysteine-nac

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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18 hours ago, thecowisback said:

no i haven't heard of nac. i'm a bit wary of trying anything else in the way of supplements. i've been taking magnesium for a few months but it hasn't really helped. i tried b vitamins and they sent my anxiety through the roof, as did 5 htp so i'm very cautious. when i'm feeling this strung out it's very hard to see any sort of recovery happening. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. i've barely stopped crying all day from the fear. 

 

I’m sorry. This is an indescribably painful experience. I’m generally not experiencing the debilitating anxiety these days but I’m in a difficult wave. I feel disconnected from any concrete sense of self and when I’m interacting with my family I feel as though it’s not really ‘me’ on some level. At the same time, I’m experiencing emotional spirals, anhedonia, horrible sleep and waves of panic sensations. I had been feeling a lot better before this wave started a few weeks ago and thought I was making real progress. These windows are nice, but they sure are deceptive!

 

I do think there are things you can do to at least help the anxiety somewhat. If you don’t want to try NAC, I know that some people have had good results with other things. Search for the intro topic by the member named Janie. She had horrible anxiety and depression during withdrawal and found that taking saffron helped enormously, especially with calming the anxiety.

 

Don’t give up hope. This does end. Progress is slow, but the healing is happening all the time.

1996-2007 - sertraline 200 mg/day

2007-3/16 - sertraline 100 mg/day

3/16-8/16 - sertraline 75 mg/day

8/16-1/17 - sertraline 50 mg/day

1/17-8/17 - sertraline 25 mg/day, St. John's Wort 700-1250 mg/day

8/17 - Stopped sertraline and continued taking SJW. Soon after, stopped SJW and started 400 mg SAM-e/day.

2/18 - Reinstated SJW (taking sporadically)

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thankyou - i keep having to remind myself that we all heal eventually. i have to stop myself looking too far into the future!!

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
On 11/7/2018 at 5:51 AM, thecowisback said:

i'm at the top of a wave today after a very stressful day yesterday. i just want to feel calm again. i miss the calm that the meds gave me and i just want to feel some of that peace again. i get the odd day here and there when i can dismiss the scary thoughts without too much effort but the next day BANG the anxiety is back again with a vengeance.

today i feel as if i'm being turned inside out with all the fear and anxiety rushing round my body. someone please tell me all this will be worth it in the end!!!!


Yes, it is all worth it!  We are some of the bravest people in the world, even if the world doesn't know that about us.  I do promise that the healing and struggle is worth it.  I'm by no means back to 100%, but OH how much better my life is than when I was in acute four years ago!  

*I'm not a doctor and don't give medical advice, just personal experience
**Off all meds since Nov. 2014. Mentally & emotionally recovered; physically not
-Dual cold turkeys off TCA & Ativan in Oct 2014. Prescribed from 2011-2014

-All meds were Rxed off-label for an autoimmune illness.  It was a MISDIAGNOSIS, but I did not find out until AFTER meds caused damage.  All med tapers/cold turkeys directed by doctors 

-Nortriptyline May 2012 - Dec 2013. Cold turkey off nortrip & cold switched to desipramine

-Desipramine Jan 2014 - Oct. 29, 2014 (rapid taper/cold turkey)

-Lorazepam 1 mg per night during 2011
-Lorazepam 1 mg per month in 2012 (or less)

-Lorazepam on & off, Dec 2013 through Aug 2014. Didn't exceed 3x a week

-Lorazepam again in Oct. 2014 to help get off of desipramine. Last dose lzpam was 1 mg, Nov. 2, 2014. Immediate paradoxical reactions to benzos after stopping TCAs 

-First muscle/dystonia side effects started on nortriptyline, but docs too stupid to figure it out. On desipramine, muscle tremors & rigidity worsened

-Two weeks after I got off all meds, I developed full-blown TD.  Tardive dystonia, dyskinesia, myoclonic jerks ALL over body, ribcage wiggles, facial tics, twitching tongue & fingers, tremors/twitches of arms, legs, cognitive impairment, throat muscles semi-paralyzed & unable to swallow solid food, brain zaps, ears ring, dizzy, everything looks too far away, insomnia, numbness & electric shocks everywhere when I try to fall asleep, jerk awake from sleep with big, gasping breaths, wake with terrors & tremors, severely depressed.  NO HISTORY OF DEPRESSION, EVER. Meds CREATED it.

-Month 7: hair falling out; no vision improvement; still tardive dystonia; facial & tongue tics returned
-Month 8: back to acute, incl. Grand Mal seizure-like episodes. New mental torment, PGAD, worse insomnia
-Month 9: tardive dystonia worse, dyskinesia returned. Unable to breathe well due to dystonia in stomach, chest, throat
-Month 13: Back to acute, brain zaps back, developed eczema & stomach problems. Left leg no longer works right due to dystonia, meaning both legs now damaged
-7 years off: Huge improvements, incl. improved dystonia

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at what point did you notice an improvement in your anxiety and depression wiggleit? 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus
On 11/9/2018 at 3:24 AM, thecowisback said:

at what point did you notice an improvement in your anxiety and depression wiggleit? 


Improvement from the artificially induced, drug-induced depression/terror/fear took around a year.  Then maybe another year for my personality to really stabilize close to what it was before meds.  Now, I'm four years off and my personality and moods feel very stable.  

I do suffer from a different kind of depression now because my physical health was permanently damaged by the meds, but I feel well-equipped to handle this depression.  Honestly, I'm pretty proud of how well I carry this weight.  I did not suffer from depression before meds. 

*I'm not a doctor and don't give medical advice, just personal experience
**Off all meds since Nov. 2014. Mentally & emotionally recovered; physically not
-Dual cold turkeys off TCA & Ativan in Oct 2014. Prescribed from 2011-2014

-All meds were Rxed off-label for an autoimmune illness.  It was a MISDIAGNOSIS, but I did not find out until AFTER meds caused damage.  All med tapers/cold turkeys directed by doctors 

-Nortriptyline May 2012 - Dec 2013. Cold turkey off nortrip & cold switched to desipramine

-Desipramine Jan 2014 - Oct. 29, 2014 (rapid taper/cold turkey)

-Lorazepam 1 mg per night during 2011
-Lorazepam 1 mg per month in 2012 (or less)

-Lorazepam on & off, Dec 2013 through Aug 2014. Didn't exceed 3x a week

-Lorazepam again in Oct. 2014 to help get off of desipramine. Last dose lzpam was 1 mg, Nov. 2, 2014. Immediate paradoxical reactions to benzos after stopping TCAs 

-First muscle/dystonia side effects started on nortriptyline, but docs too stupid to figure it out. On desipramine, muscle tremors & rigidity worsened

-Two weeks after I got off all meds, I developed full-blown TD.  Tardive dystonia, dyskinesia, myoclonic jerks ALL over body, ribcage wiggles, facial tics, twitching tongue & fingers, tremors/twitches of arms, legs, cognitive impairment, throat muscles semi-paralyzed & unable to swallow solid food, brain zaps, ears ring, dizzy, everything looks too far away, insomnia, numbness & electric shocks everywhere when I try to fall asleep, jerk awake from sleep with big, gasping breaths, wake with terrors & tremors, severely depressed.  NO HISTORY OF DEPRESSION, EVER. Meds CREATED it.

-Month 7: hair falling out; no vision improvement; still tardive dystonia; facial & tongue tics returned
-Month 8: back to acute, incl. Grand Mal seizure-like episodes. New mental torment, PGAD, worse insomnia
-Month 9: tardive dystonia worse, dyskinesia returned. Unable to breathe well due to dystonia in stomach, chest, throat
-Month 13: Back to acute, brain zaps back, developed eczema & stomach problems. Left leg no longer works right due to dystonia, meaning both legs now damaged
-7 years off: Huge improvements, incl. improved dystonia

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after a sad week when i had to go to a funeral i've been plunged into the biggest wave i've had in almost a year. last night everything came crashing down and i need to apologise to my family for my hysterical behaviour throughout the night. 

at times like this i feel li!e there will never be an end to this anxiety - that my brain is really broken. i seem to be getting about 2 days window every 10-14 days and i must cling on to the belief that this means i'm getting better slowly.

is it normal to have such a massive wave come out of the blue like this????

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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Hi TCIB ,your nervous system is still sensitive to stress of any kind ,ide suggest keep working on what you are getting involved in with your family,youtube Abraham hicks ,I find her interesting ,she has a good talk about not getting involved with stuff that we cant control .

,I can totally relate ,my father is a big trigger for me and its almost instantaneous how I react to him ,yesterday I reacted with a simple no and moved on ,I've accepted for the foreseeable future we need to be kept away from each other [not to mean I don't care for him but the waters are muddied  ],but all the work I've done about understanding the human condition has made me understand he's behaviour .he reacts with the same volatility so its not an option if things are ever to change .I always come off as the " problem" .I believe he might be a covert narcissist,traits at least ,how much of this is just behaviour passed on from the last generation  ,who knows .

Funerals are to be avoided unless absolutely necessary,i went to one a while back that I could of skipped and it was torturous,a teacher from my teenage years  was going around asking about life ,the man didn't even teach me .nightmare .

Take care and keep soothing your soul. 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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the waves keep on crashing..... i't's less than a month to christmas - the holiday my kids enjoy the most and i'm so despondent that i'm feeling no better than this time last year. i just muddled through the whole holiday, trying to enjoy it while fending off panic attacks. 

i've started buying presents to see if that will give me something to look forward to but all that goes on in my mind is what can go wrong - what if this, what if that? i'm reading all the self help books i can lay my hands on, i'm keeping busy, i'm trying to think positive, but it still feels like that giant ton weight is hovering over my head ready to come crashing down on me any minute. 

 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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  • Mentor

Totally relate, totally relate. I had a decent day two days ago where I didn't feel like despondent and utterly broken... now back to doom. Success stories and support here are the only thing that keep me going. I agree with @powerback that funerals would be too much when like this. Hell, I got triggered last night when a neighbor, another middle-aged single woman, said how utterly boring our lives are. True but man it sent me spiralling down. I also  hear pb about realizing that he can't interact with his father right now. Same reasons here. I just hope my parents live long enough that I can interact with them before they die.

 

On a supportive, self-helpy note: my yoga teacher said that it has been shown that if you tilt your head upward and smile, it activates pleasure receptors in the brain. Idk.. but willing to try anything. Hang in there!

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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i'll try that!! i don't know what's going on lately. i had a terrible time in august when my windows disappeared. since then they've come back but my waves have become far more severe. at the peak of each wave nowadays i'm left cowering in a corner crying like a baby for someone to put an end to all the mental torture. is this just another step along the road to recovery???

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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i only managed 2 hours sleep last night and spent the rest of the night in panic, worrying about family (which is important) and the broken satellite tv (which isn't!!).

i have such a feeling of dread inside me today. i've been trying to distract myself so far but it's still only mid morning and the panic is rising. i just want all this to end. i know people will tell me 21 months is nothing in the world of protracted withdrawal but i really need to see a glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel to keep me going. 

i asked my husband why i'm feeling even more scared than usual these past few days and he said that i'm like this everyday. i know that's not true - i can dismiss the scary thoughts more easily when i'm having a window, but i can't figure out why the waves are now more extreme than ever. 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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  • 4 weeks later...

i hit a huge wave on christmas eve and it's getting worse each day. the whole holiday has just been full of panic for me. 

is this normal at 22 months out? i feel like i'm right back at the beginning and all the things i've done to help myself so far have counted for nothing.

i wonder if the short dark days are making things worse. 

if the doctors surgery was open today i would go straight down there and beg for more prozac. i'm so desperate for any relief from the terrible intrusive thoughts and images. i'm getting about an hours sleep each night (well, early in the morning when i finally doze off from sheer exhaustion).

i feel like i'm in hell right now and don't know how to claw my way out. 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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it feels right now like i will have to resign myself to going back on pills and spending the rest of my life on them i don't see any other way out. 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi thecowisback,

 

Many members have experienced increased withdrawal symptoms due to the extra stress of the Christmas/New Year period.

 

Edited by ChessieCat

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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