Jump to content
thecowisback

thecowisback: wondering why I'm giving up Prozac

Recommended Posts

Tarheel109
8 hours ago, thecowisback said:

I hope someone can offer me hope that the windows will appear again. It's been so long now since i've had a break from the neverending intrusive thoughts.

Of course they will. The fact that you’ve had these windows means that your brain does know how to get there.

 

It sounds as though you are being tested right now and I’m sorry for that. I truly hope that you are able to find some relief from these debilitating waves you are experiencing.

Share this post


Link to post
Carmie
17 hours ago, thecowisback said:

I hope someone can offer me hope that the windows will appear again. It's been so long now since i've had a break from the neverending intrusive thoughts.

 

Hi thecowisback, 

 

Yes, windows always eventually come. I’ve been tapering for many, many years n sometimes waves felt like they were never going to end, but they always did eventually.

 

It is really hard not knowing when windows will comes but they will.

 

If you’re in severe waves just try n find things to distract yourself to get through each day. I know it’s hard but that all we can do. Take one moment at a time. 

 

Wishing you all the best💚

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

Thankyou. It feels so long since i've had a window i've forgotten what it feels like. 

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

i've seen this (AAF - Acknowledge Accept Float) mentioned in a post and i've tried searching for the technique in the posts already on the board but can't find a post relating to the actual method. i've tried following a similar method from claire weekes and with Dare, but i stumble all the time when it gets to the bit about floating. i just cannot visualise how to do this. 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
post moved - explanation added

Share this post


Link to post
ChessieCat

 

AAF - Acknowledge Accept Float:

 

On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

 

 

These may be helpful too:

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)
 

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

thankyou!!! 

 

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

i feel like i'm sinking deeper and deeper. my mind is racing non-stop with intrusive thoughts - lots of panic about events in the future. i'm crying at the drop of a hat. i can't be bothered with anything in life. everything feels like too much hard work. my mind is constantly trying to solve unsolveable problems. has anyone seen the film a beautiful mind? it shows the mathematicians mind working and it's contstant numbers and symbols. that is how my minds eye looks to me. 

is this just a very big wave? i just hope and pray this will end soon. i keep asking why? why is this happening? am i a really bad person? i feel like i'm being punished. 

please can someone tell me they've been here and it's improved???

Share this post


Link to post
Eleven10

God I’m so sorry. This is like reading about my own brain. 

I just can’t stop thinking. Consumed by thoughts about how to get well again. It’s like my brain is trying to figure it out 24 hrs a day. Anyway won’t say too much as you need positive stuff but don’t think your alone. Take care 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

i can't believe how long you've been going through this eleven10! i've been reading your posts each day. i hope you find some relief soon xx 

 

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

after a few blissful days of a window i'm back down to earth with a bump. today i am exhausted, scared, fearing every single thought in my head and cannot stop crying. i keep telling myself this is  wave, i can handle it, but it feels like i can see into the depths of hell on days like this. 

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

2 days later and still no sign of this panic easing. i've been awake half the night worrying myself silly with racing thoughts rushing round in my head. i keep trying to convince myself there will be more windows coming along soon. i hate how everything plummets after a couple of good days. the fear today seems so real!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

a month on from my last post and the fear still persists. i've had the odd day or two of relief over the past few weeks but it never lasts long before the fear comes back with a vengeance. i'm dreading another christmas feeling like this. i really thought there would be some improvement by now but i'm in the exact same place as i was last october. i feel like i'm in groundhog day.

i keep reading the success stories and they all say give it time but at this rate i feel like i'm going be an old old lady before i see any difference.

Share this post


Link to post
FarmGirlWorks

I can relate completely. Actually looked up in my journal for last year to see how I was doing at this time. Ugh. It feels pretty much the same! I mean maybe it doesn't as there is no time machine to go back to see exactly how you felt. I did notice that I took Benadryl some because I felt like crawling out of my skin. Akasthisia, I guess. At least that is more rare now. But the waves still feel dark.

 

It looks like we're on a similar timeline and withdrawal method: too fast taper in early 2017 for popular ADs. We're both having a great time. My alarm clock is repeating "I Got You Babe" too.

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

😄 you've made me laugh which is a rare thing these days so thankyou!! 

Share this post


Link to post
powerback
7 hours ago, thecowisback said:

a month on from my last post and the fear still persists. i've had the odd day or two of relief over the past few weeks but it never lasts long before the fear comes back with a vengeance. i'm dreading another christmas feeling like this. i really thought there would be some improvement by now but i'm in the exact same place as i was last october. i feel like i'm in groundhog day.

i keep reading the success stories and they all say give it time but at this rate i feel like i'm going be an old old lady before i see any difference.

Hi TCIB ,im hit with the same thoughts ,I can remember last Halloween was the same but ive learned more and practicing mindfulness and other tools are pulling my stinking thinking out of the gutter .I cant believe how sick ive been all summer compared to last year  but ive had other health issues on top so at least I can see this . ive got no traction on my taper ,its getting ridiculous and embarrassing but ive been very sick .

I used like the movie groundhog day ,I wont be watching that again soon .

We keep at it ,take care and be safe . 

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

thankyou 😊

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

is it normal for the duration between windows to vary? i thought they gradually got closer together as time went on but i have had spells where i've had one window a month down to 1 a week and now they're getting further and further apart again which makes me feel like my recovery is stalling.

 

Share this post


Link to post
WiggleIt
1 hour ago, thecowisback said:

is it normal for the duration between windows to vary? i thought they gradually got closer together as time went on but i have had spells where i've had one window a month down to 1 a week and now they're getting further and further apart again which makes me feel like my recovery is stalling.

 


Dear thecowisback,

In my experience, yes, my windows and waves durations varied for quite a long time.  Many times, I'd felt I'd plateaued, but it wasn't the case.  

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

that's a relief to hear. i thought i was getting worse again!!!

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

i'm at the top of a wave today after a very stressful day yesterday. i just want to feel calm again. i miss the calm that the meds gave me and i just want to feel some of that peace again. i get the odd day here and there when i can dismiss the scary thoughts without too much effort but the next day BANG the anxiety is back again with a vengeance.

today i feel as if i'm being turned inside out with all the fear and anxiety rushing round my body. someone please tell me all this will be worth it in the end!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Ali75
17 hours ago, thecowisback said:

i'm at the top of a wave today after a very stressful day yesterday. i just want to feel calm again. i miss the calm that the meds gave me and i just want to feel some of that peace again. i get the odd day here and there when i can dismiss the scary thoughts without too much effort but the next day BANG the anxiety is back again with a vengeance.

today i feel as if i'm being turned inside out with all the fear and anxiety rushing round my body. someone please tell me all this will be worth it in the end!!!!

 

It will be worth it in the end. There are so many recovery stories that attest to that fact! 

 

In the meantime, have you thought of trying n-acetyl cysteine (NAC)?  (SA topic: n-acetylcysteine-nac) 400 mg/day of magnesium is also very helpful for anxiety. Just make sure it’s NOT magnesium oxide, which is not considered a good form of magnesium.

 

 

Also, avoid foods that contain excitotoxins (such as MSG, yeast extract, aspartame, etc.), which increase anxiety.

 

 

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added link to sa topic

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

no i haven't heard of nac. i'm a bit wary of trying anything else in the way of supplements. i've been taking magnesium for a few months but it hasn't really helped. i tried b vitamins and they sent my anxiety through the roof, as did 5 htp so i'm very cautious. when i'm feeling this strung out it's very hard to see any sort of recovery happening. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. i've barely stopped crying all day from the fear. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Justcope
2 hours ago, thecowisback said:

no i haven't heard of nac. i'm a bit wary of trying anything else in the way of supplements. i've been taking magnesium for a few months but it hasn't really helped. i tried b vitamins and they sent my anxiety through the roof, as did 5 htp so i'm very cautious. when i'm feeling this strung out it's very hard to see any sort of recovery happening. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. i've barely stopped crying all day from the fear. 

 

Hey. 

I agree vitamin B can make anxiety worse! I tried it and stopped immediately. I only take magnesium and omega 3 now and it works well. These days I’m mostly in window, and I think meditation daily, seeing my psychologist and exercise has mostly helped it. I’m not completely off meds yet- I’m down to 5mg of the 20mg of lexapro that I was on for 5 years.  

My husband has kept an eye on me too. He reminded me of the days I would be crying, wanting to go back on meds, major mood swings etc. certainly better now, but I think meditation payed a big part. Don’t buy into your thought and feelings- they pass. Don’t believe everything going on in your head, it’s withdrawal. Don’t give your thoughts sooo much power. I’ve used headspace for meditation- the anxiety pack specifically. I’ve done it over and over again for the past 6 months. It’s not a quick fix, but it’s a massive help in the long run. Keep going. You’re doing great.  

Share this post


Link to post
ChessieCat
12 hours ago, Ali75 said:

have you thought of trying n-acetyl cysteine (NAC)

 

SA topic: n-acetylcysteine-nac

Share this post


Link to post
Ali75
18 hours ago, thecowisback said:

no i haven't heard of nac. i'm a bit wary of trying anything else in the way of supplements. i've been taking magnesium for a few months but it hasn't really helped. i tried b vitamins and they sent my anxiety through the roof, as did 5 htp so i'm very cautious. when i'm feeling this strung out it's very hard to see any sort of recovery happening. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. i've barely stopped crying all day from the fear. 

 

I’m sorry. This is an indescribably painful experience. I’m generally not experiencing the debilitating anxiety these days but I’m in a difficult wave. I feel disconnected from any concrete sense of self and when I’m interacting with my family I feel as though it’s not really ‘me’ on some level. At the same time, I’m experiencing emotional spirals, anhedonia, horrible sleep and waves of panic sensations. I had been feeling a lot better before this wave started a few weeks ago and thought I was making real progress. These windows are nice, but they sure are deceptive!

 

I do think there are things you can do to at least help the anxiety somewhat. If you don’t want to try NAC, I know that some people have had good results with other things. Search for the intro topic by the member named Janie. She had horrible anxiety and depression during withdrawal and found that taking saffron helped enormously, especially with calming the anxiety.

 

Don’t give up hope. This does end. Progress is slow, but the healing is happening all the time.

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

thankyou - i keep having to remind myself that we all heal eventually. i have to stop myself looking too far into the future!!

Share this post


Link to post
WiggleIt
On 11/7/2018 at 5:51 AM, thecowisback said:

i'm at the top of a wave today after a very stressful day yesterday. i just want to feel calm again. i miss the calm that the meds gave me and i just want to feel some of that peace again. i get the odd day here and there when i can dismiss the scary thoughts without too much effort but the next day BANG the anxiety is back again with a vengeance.

today i feel as if i'm being turned inside out with all the fear and anxiety rushing round my body. someone please tell me all this will be worth it in the end!!!!


Yes, it is all worth it!  We are some of the bravest people in the world, even if the world doesn't know that about us.  I do promise that the healing and struggle is worth it.  I'm by no means back to 100%, but OH how much better my life is than when I was in acute four years ago!  

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

at what point did you notice an improvement in your anxiety and depression wiggleit? 

Share this post


Link to post
WiggleIt
On 11/9/2018 at 3:24 AM, thecowisback said:

at what point did you notice an improvement in your anxiety and depression wiggleit? 


Improvement from the artificially induced, drug-induced depression/terror/fear took around a year.  Then maybe another year for my personality to really stabilize close to what it was before meds.  Now, I'm four years off and my personality and moods feel very stable.  

I do suffer from a different kind of depression now because my physical health was permanently damaged by the meds, but I feel well-equipped to handle this depression.  Honestly, I'm pretty proud of how well I carry this weight.  I did not suffer from depression before meds. 

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

after a sad week when i had to go to a funeral i've been plunged into the biggest wave i've had in almost a year. last night everything came crashing down and i need to apologise to my family for my hysterical behaviour throughout the night. 

at times like this i feel li!e there will never be an end to this anxiety - that my brain is really broken. i seem to be getting about 2 days window every 10-14 days and i must cling on to the belief that this means i'm getting better slowly.

is it normal to have such a massive wave come out of the blue like this????

Share this post


Link to post
powerback

Hi TCIB ,your nervous system is still sensitive to stress of any kind ,ide suggest keep working on what you are getting involved in with your family,youtube Abraham hicks ,I find her interesting ,she has a good talk about not getting involved with stuff that we cant control .

,I can totally relate ,my father is a big trigger for me and its almost instantaneous how I react to him ,yesterday I reacted with a simple no and moved on ,I've accepted for the foreseeable future we need to be kept away from each other [not to mean I don't care for him but the waters are muddied  ],but all the work I've done about understanding the human condition has made me understand he's behaviour .he reacts with the same volatility so its not an option if things are ever to change .I always come off as the " problem" .I believe he might be a covert narcissist,traits at least ,how much of this is just behaviour passed on from the last generation  ,who knows .

Funerals are to be avoided unless absolutely necessary,i went to one a while back that I could of skipped and it was torturous,a teacher from my teenage years  was going around asking about life ,the man didn't even teach me .nightmare .

Take care and keep soothing your soul. 

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

the waves keep on crashing..... i't's less than a month to christmas - the holiday my kids enjoy the most and i'm so despondent that i'm feeling no better than this time last year. i just muddled through the whole holiday, trying to enjoy it while fending off panic attacks. 

i've started buying presents to see if that will give me something to look forward to but all that goes on in my mind is what can go wrong - what if this, what if that? i'm reading all the self help books i can lay my hands on, i'm keeping busy, i'm trying to think positive, but it still feels like that giant ton weight is hovering over my head ready to come crashing down on me any minute. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
FarmGirlWorks

Totally relate, totally relate. I had a decent day two days ago where I didn't feel like despondent and utterly broken... now back to doom. Success stories and support here are the only thing that keep me going. I agree with @powerback that funerals would be too much when like this. Hell, I got triggered last night when a neighbor, another middle-aged single woman, said how utterly boring our lives are. True but man it sent me spiralling down. I also  hear pb about realizing that he can't interact with his father right now. Same reasons here. I just hope my parents live long enough that I can interact with them before they die.

 

On a supportive, self-helpy note: my yoga teacher said that it has been shown that if you tilt your head upward and smile, it activates pleasure receptors in the brain. Idk.. but willing to try anything. Hang in there!

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

i'll try that!! i don't know what's going on lately. i had a terrible time in august when my windows disappeared. since then they've come back but my waves have become far more severe. at the peak of each wave nowadays i'm left cowering in a corner crying like a baby for someone to put an end to all the mental torture. is this just another step along the road to recovery???

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

i only managed 2 hours sleep last night and spent the rest of the night in panic, worrying about family (which is important) and the broken satellite tv (which isn't!!).

i have such a feeling of dread inside me today. i've been trying to distract myself so far but it's still only mid morning and the panic is rising. i just want all this to end. i know people will tell me 21 months is nothing in the world of protracted withdrawal but i really need to see a glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel to keep me going. 

i asked my husband why i'm feeling even more scared than usual these past few days and he said that i'm like this everyday. i know that's not true - i can dismiss the scary thoughts more easily when i'm having a window, but i can't figure out why the waves are now more extreme than ever. 

Share this post


Link to post
thecowisback

i hit a huge wave on christmas eve and it's getting worse each day. the whole holiday has just been full of panic for me. 

is this normal at 22 months out? i feel like i'm right back at the beginning and all the things i've done to help myself so far have counted for nothing.

i wonder if the short dark days are making things worse. 

if the doctors surgery was open today i would go straight down there and beg for more prozac. i'm so desperate for any relief from the terrible intrusive thoughts and images. i'm getting about an hours sleep each night (well, early in the morning when i finally doze off from sheer exhaustion).

i feel like i'm in hell right now and don't know how to claw my way out. 

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy