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Have you recovered from being on antidepressants long term and/or high dose?

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Frogie
20 minutes ago, apace41 said:

 

More like stuck in place.  Been holding because I've been dealing with symptoms including hellacious insomnia.  One step forward, two steps back, two steps forward, one step back, etc.  It only really sucks when it's one step foward 3 or 4 steps back.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Andy:

 

I'm sorry you still aren't sleeping. 

 

My problem is I want to just sit with Brownie and take naps. I have no motivation. I don't know how to get over that.

 

I will give you my sleep if you can give me some pointers on motivation lol...

 

Hopefully you will get some good rest soon.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

 

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Downbutnotout
20 minutes ago, RealMe said:

Thanks, DBNO.  We sure do.  I wonder if there are any more "older" people on this forum.  I have searched and found only one 70 year old gentleman.  I guess I am the oldest one so far.  I'm surprised because I know they are all being medicated to beat the band!

I am 67. My mother used to say, “the golden years is not for sissy’s.” I guess Betty Davis said that.  I am feeling very geriatric today. You’re right about that. All I’ve done today is tap tap on here. 

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Frogie
2 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I am 67. My mother used to say, “the golden years is not for sissy’s.” I guess Betty Davis said that.  I am feeling very geriatric today. You’re right about that. All I’ve done today is tap tap on here. 

I'm 54 but I've been on these meds 21 years now!

 

You might ask how old Flowers and Grandma D (I think that's her name)?

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Downbutnotout
Just now, Frogie said:

I'm 54 but I've been on these meds 21 years now!

I beat you out, I was 42 when I took the first pill. It’s so sad because I wasn’t really depressed at the time. I’d heard prozac was a miracle drug. It was on the cover of time magazine. However, I did have some hellacious depressions, and felt I had no choice later but to take a drug to get out of them. I was perfectly content with the idea I’d just have to take them the rest of my life. I did go off 3 years ago, and it was wonderful for 5 months. I wish that would happen now. I could cry, laugh, have great fun, enjoy food, etc. 

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Frogie
Just now, Downbutnotout said:

I beat you out, I was 42 when I took the first pill. It’s so sad because I wasn’t really depressed at the time. I’d heard prozac was a miracle drug. It was on the cover of time magazine. However, I did have some hellacious depressions, and felt I had no choice later but to take a drug to get out of them. I was perfectly content with the idea I’d just have to take them the rest of my life. I did go off 3 years ago, and it was wonderful for 5 months. I wish that would happen now. I could cry, laugh, have great fun, enjoy food, etc. 

I was only supposed to take it while I was going through my divorce. He's on his second wife now since our divorce. Must have been a really long divorce lol... I cry, sometimes laugh, don't enjoy a lot of food, and don't want to leave the house at all. I just want to sit in my chair with Brownie and do nothing. I'm getting really good at that.

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Downbutnotout
2 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I beat you out, I was 42 when I took the first pill. It’s so sad because I wasn’t really depressed at the time. I’d heard prozac was a miracle drug. It was on the cover of time magazine. However, I did have some hellacious depressions, and felt I had no choice later but to take a drug to get out of them. I was perfectly content with the idea I’d just have to take them the rest of my life. I did go off 3 years ago, and it was wonderful for 5 months. I wish that would happen now. I could cry, laugh, have great fun, enjoy food, etc. If I knew the consequences of doing that, I  wouldn’t have. It’s ruined by life. 

 

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Downbutnotout
Just now, Frogie said:

I was only supposed to take it while I was going through my divorce. He's on his second wife now since our divorce. Must have been a really long divorce lol... I cry, sometimes laugh, don't enjoy a lot of food, and don't want to leave the house at all. I just want to sit in my chair with Brownie and do nothing. I'm getting really good at that.

Aw, you mean your doctor offered it because you were going through a divorce? I know they offer to people if their spouses die. It’s really sick. I am looking forward to the day I can laugh again. I almost felt like crying, but very little tears come out. This is the hardest thing for me. I might try to buy that anxiety stuff and try it. I am very tempted to get off the 5 beads and the trazadone to see if I get some feelings back. I am really missing that. Brownie must be liking it. Sounds like you have some feelings. That’s a good thing. 

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Frogie
Just now, Downbutnotout said:

Aw, you mean your doctor offered it because you were going through a divorce? I know they offer to people if their spouses die. It’s really sick. I am looking forward to the day I can laugh again. I almost felt like crying, but very little tears come out. This is the hardest thing for me. I might try to buy that anxiety stuff and try it. I am very tempted to get off the 5 beads and the trazadone to see if I get some feelings back. I am really missing that. Brownie must be liking it. Sounds like you have some feelings. That’s a good thing. 

Taper, don't stop! You will regret it!

You could try that Rescue Remedy, works for me, but talk to a mod about it and make sure it's ok for you to take.

I have a lot of feelings, unfortunately, they just make me cry.

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Downbutnotout
46 minutes ago, apace41 said:

 

More like stuck in place.  Been holding because I've been dealing with symptoms including hellacious insomnia.  One step forward, two steps back, two steps forward, one step back, etc.  It only really sucks when it's one step foward 3 or 4 steps back.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Oh insomnia is one of the worst things. You look like you’re at the end of your taper. Looks like you’ve been through the gamut of drugs. At least your going up, down and up. 

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Downbutnotout
10 minutes ago, Frogie said:

Taper, don't stop! You will regret it!

You could try that Rescue Remedy, works for me, but talk to a mod about it and make sure it's ok for you to take.

I have a lot of feelings, unfortunately, they just make me cry.

I’m updosing, and haven’t done anything with the trazadone which I do not like. I don’t think I reinstated high enough on the effexor. I don’t think these beads are doing anything. The only mod that talks to me is Ali who is not around right now. I am feeling anxiety right now and it makes me afraid to do much. I never used to be like this before I did the fast wd 3 years ago. Effexor actually works on anxiety and i don’t have enough to do squat. I have avitan, but I don’t want to get hooked on it. The psychiatrist told me I could use 1/2 tab 3 times a day. It made me feel good initially, but then manic and depressed. You are lucky you have feelings, but not lucky they are sad ones. I do feel sad and angry,  but I just cant cry.  I told my 95 yo aunt I’d visit her, but now I’m regretting it. She’s a handful, and wants all her dead relatives phone number. 

Did they say you could use the Rescue Remedy? 

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Downbutnotout
13 minutes ago, Frogie said:

Taper, don't stop! You will regret it!

You could try that Rescue Remedy, works for me, but talk to a mod about it and make sure it's ok for you to take.

I have a lot of feelings, unfortunately, they just make me cry.

If there is a mod reading this, is Rescue Remedy okay to take? 

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Downbutnotout
25 minutes ago, Frogie said:

Taper, don't stop! You will regret it!

You could try that Rescue Remedy, works for me, but talk to a mod about it and make sure it's ok for you to take.

I have a lot of feelings, unfortunately, they just make me cry.

I looked up rescue remedy and I only found one that is for pets? Is there one for humans? Do you give it to Brownie too? 

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Frogie
2 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I looked up rescue remedy and I only found one that is for pets? Is there one for humans? Do you give it to Brownie too? 

 I will answer you on your thread. We need to get off of here.

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Happy2Heal
8 hours ago, RealMe said:

Thanks, DBNO.  We sure do.  I wonder if there are any more "older" people on this forum.  I have searched and found only one 70 year old gentleman.  I guess I am the oldest one so far.  I'm surprised because I know they are all being medicated to beat the band!

just turned 62 so I'm getting up there...there are some others in our age range, they are just hard to find, you're right.

 

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RealMe
2 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

just turned 62 so I'm getting up there...there are some others in our age range, they are just hard to find, you're right.

 

You're sweet to include me in "our age range," considering you're a mere babe of 62 (just turned)! :)

 

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Happy2Heal

hahaha, mere babe, I like that! thanks.

Some days I feel very old indeed.

I sent you a PM, it was supposed to be short but I ended up rambling a bit, sorry

 

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Downbutnotout
35 minutes ago, RealMe said:

You're sweet to include me in "our age range," considering you're a mere babe of 62 (just turned)! :)

 

I can’t believe I’m dealing with this garbage now. I was going to go to my 50th hs reunion because I was feeling good about myself. Not so much now. I feel like a crazy mental case who is very sad. All the crap I did while under the influence of these drugs is so humiliating. I acted like a fool. I totally ruined a family trip in June. My kids are sad because their mom went away and this creature took her place.

 

 And the doctor was just trying to get me where I was before. I will never feel the same about myself. I lived this long and this had to happen to me. I am so sad about it. 

 

The good news is I felt a little bit more like myself since I went to visit my aunt till now. But I am tap tapping on here.

 

The problem is I have to take trazadone and get up feeling like garbage again. I think it causes anxiety in the morning when it wears out. Then I can’t get myself up and I ruminate. I really think trazadone is a bad drug for me. I’d like to start wd from it soon. 

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peng

I am about 72.7 years. First prescribed psychotropic drugs in 1977.  On and off them since.  Mostly on.

 

Inspired by this site and what you Americans call "poop out" of effexor at 225mg, I am now down to 69mg on the exponential downtapering strongly advocated on SA.  i.e. no more than a 10% reduction of current dose each 28 days.  Holding where necessary.

 

Clearly, it is never too late, and I feel positivity on many days now.  Some days still feel crap - thanks for another great word, Yanks.

 

Some of you guys in distress have messed up (or been messed up by others) by chopping and changing your doses and medication, it would appear.  Not being hard on you - feeling sorry for you getting caught that way.  Do try and stick to the recommendations on here is what I would strongly suggest after my recent years' experiences.

 

Love and good luck.

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Happy2Heal

so good to hear from you Peng, I knew there were others who are older and have very long drugged/medicated histories like mine.

great job on getting to where you are now! I so admire the folks who are smart enough and patient enough to do the long tapers. I wish I'd not messed up mine- I could have saved myself a LOT of needless pain and suffering, but what's done is done. At least I am lucky to be healing very well now.

 

just curious, were you mostly prescribed antidepressants or were you given other types of psych drugs as well? 

 

 

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peng

I was initially prescribed the benzo Ativan in 1977, Happy2Heal.

I think I was taking it for period 1977-84, but had gap(s) when off it.

I weaned myself off it twice.

I was cutting the tabs into halves, quarters and smaller slivers to reduce.

My GP said "Oh you dont have to do that.  Just stop - it's a small dose anyway."

As we know, the patients with lived experience will often know more than the "experts" who have been told how harmless and non-addictive these drugs are.

 

 

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Offforgood
On 1/6/2018 at 9:53 PM, RealMe said:

Hi Offforgood,

Please don't give up.  I know it feels like it, but five months is not a long time.  I started withdrawing from prescribed medication in August, and I have had many days where I felt like I couldn't go on.  Keep talking to the people on this site, and you will get help.  So many people have been working at this for a long time, and they all say there is hope.  I've been reading books by Breggin, Glenmullen and now William Glasser's Reality Therapy.  At least I can read; that's a big improvement for me.  We don't have to do this for years.  Just get through this one day.

 

Did anything happen to put extra stress on you today?  Maybe if you talk about it, it will help a little.  When I say I want to give up, I usually mean that I am at the end of my ability to cope with the pain I'm feeling.  Maybe someone on this site can offer something that will give you some small good emotional feeling, some hope or some comfort.  Please tell me more about your day today.

Best wishes for hope and healing,

RealMe

Now been off meds for 10 months, it seems the only feelings coming back are negative and painful..Still don't feel any joy or happiness in life still feel hopeless and fearful.. have had some so called not as negative days but still no motivation and still anger at what 28 yrs of going off and on these ad meds have done to me..I feel like I have CT so many ad meds on drs advice since I was on such a "low dose" that brain is fried!  People around me say that I m getting better but feel like I m just faking it ... I don't know if I will ever feel joy in anything anymore... 

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Tootsieroll
2 hours ago, Offforgood said:

Now been off meds for 10 months, it seems the only feelings coming back are negative and painful..Still don't feel any joy or happiness in life still feel hopeless and fearful.. have had some so called not as negative days but still no motivation and still anger at what 28 yrs of going off and on these ad meds have done to me..I feel like I have CT so many ad meds on drs advice since I was on such a "low dose" that brain is fried!  People around me say that I m getting better but feel like I m just faking it ... I don't know if I will ever feel joy in anything anymore... 

 

Will you heal?-  You will!!

Will you feel joy again?-  You will!!

 

Time period all depends on your individual body and how well it detoxes and restores.  But with each day of crumminess, you are still healing underneath it all.  Does a scar heal quickly?  No. It first toughens and gets inflamed and then slowly the scar fades with time.  Takes a lot of awful patience, but you do get there.  I call what you are feeling the 'dark night of the soul'.  I've been there.  Try to pass time to trick your brain into finding the smallest bit of light.  Find the most hilarious comedy clip and laugh out loud even though you still feel like crap. Somehow your brain remembers that moment.

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RealMe
2 hours ago, Tootsieroll said:

 Find the most hilarious comedy clip and laugh out loud even though you still feel like crap. Somehow your brain remembers that moment.

 

4 hours ago, Offforgood said:

I don't know if I will ever feel joy in anything anymore... 

Tootsieroll's advice is very good.  I have been watching Schitt's Creek on Netflix and have laughed out loud at the characters' antics, especially Moira.  If there is anything on tv that you used to find funny, turn it on and watch it.  Try some new comedies.  Give them a try.  It helps your brain even if you don't feel it right away--so important for the part of the brain that reacts emotionally and automatically to see the light side of anything.  Let us know if you do this.

 

Have you had the experience of momentary joy?  Like a pleasant feeling when you look at a flower, a pretty girl or handsome guy?  Take note of that, and try to see more of the same.  I had that kind of moment when I looked at some tulips a while back.  I find I can build on experiences like this.

 

Check this site for how to handle symptoms.  Sometimes a simple remedy can reap big benefits.

 

I agree with Tootsieroll that you will feel better.  The brain and body are amazing creations and can recover from unbelievable trauma with some loving care and practical nourishment.  I had that fear as well, but the improvement I have experienced thus far are spurring me on.  I wish the same for you.  Please record any positive outcomes, no matter how insignificant they seem.  It helps.

 

Best of healing to you, new friend.

xo RM

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Peachy

I know we shouldn't compare stories, but it's what the with-drawl brain does best!  I really need to know that people have recovered after being on HIGHER doses for LONGER periods of time. Like 10-20 years long...

 

I am at a point in my taper, going on 2.5 years, and I still can't get off all the way, and deal with constant WD symptoms. I'm just trying to decide if I should give up the fight and try to go back up to my original dose and see if I can salvage some sort of happiness and normalcy.

 

I'm very discouraged right now, and I haven't seen a lot of recovery from people who have been on high dose, long term ssri's.

 

I hope your out there and can give me words of encouragement?!

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Peachy

anyone?!

 

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Ather

I stopped taking Zoloft 15 months ago completely, I was on a very light antidepressant (one of the oldest) called Prothiaden(Dosulepin) at a very low dose, a few days back I gave up and my doctor prescribed Zoloft again, now its my forth day only, lets see what happens in the coming days.

 

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myndfull

Peachy -- I took three years, eight months to get off Celexa. I was on the stuff for about 21 years, and that includes the time I tapered. Most of that time I took Paxil.

 

I got very low in my daily dose and finally stopped taking the medicine about three month ago. I'm healing nicely, though my recovery will probably take another year or two.

 

There were many times when I wanted to give up. I didn't. I'm happy I didn't.

 

I can tell you without a doubt that we heal and we get better. I'm aware of that now, in recovery, especially. I see lots of positive change just in the last month.

 

Myndfull

 

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mirage

@myndfullIt sounds like you are doing well. That is encouraging news for us. I am 13 months into this journey from a ct off of Wellbutrin. I have made progress, oh so slowly, but none the less, progress. Most of my symptoms are physical. I have the fake anxiety, dizziness and head tension that radiates down into my jaw and gives me a feeling of fullness in my ears. My sleep is still not normal. I can get about 5 hours a night but wake up really early every morning in the middle of very odd dreams. They aren't scary but just really weird. 

 

I have not had a window that has been free of symptoms, yet. Looking forward to getting to that point in this recovery and looking forward to my sleep normalizing. 

 

How are your symptoms?

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freespirit

There's already another thread on this:

 

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myndfull
18 hours ago, mirage said:

@myndfullIt sounds like you are doing well. That is encouraging news for us. I am 13 months into this journey from a ct off of Wellbutrin. I have made progress, oh so slowly, but none the less, progress. Most of my symptoms are physical. I have the fake anxiety, dizziness and head tension that radiates down into my jaw and gives me a feeling of fullness in my ears. My sleep is still not normal. I can get about 5 hours a night but wake up really early every morning in the middle of very odd dreams. They aren't scary but just really weird. 

 

I have not had a window that has been free of symptoms, yet. Looking forward to getting to that point in this recovery and looking forward to my sleep normalizing. 

 

How are your symptoms?

 

Mirage -- My symptoms are cyclic and predictable, physical and emotional, on and off. But now minor. The symptoms are an inconvenience more than anything else. I'm a lot happier because I don't have the doubt I used to. The doubt that I'd ever get out of negativeland. The feeling that I'd always feel the way I did and that I'd feel the way I did for the rest of my life. Those were my worst days. All those horribles. But of course the received wisdom of this site, that we do heal and that it takes a lot of time to get there, kept me going. And today I'm different...better. More grounded. Well, and getting better. It's all been a living hell but I've come out of the fire with a new skin, so to speak. Tougher, but gentler, too.

 

My own sleep is beginning to normalize (as you put it), though it's been a long time coming (been getting better in dribs and drabs for over six months or so). I'm consistently sleeping in again for the first time in years. The anxiety that spun my dreams out of control is fading. It's fun to watch it all go.

 

I'll be updating in a week at my three-month point. Look for it.

 

Myndfull

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myndfull
On 5/2/2017 at 10:04 AM, Lilu said:

If you were able to successfully wean yourself off of antidepressants after 10 years or more, please tell me a short version of your story or provide a link to your Intro topic. Thanks! 

 

 

I'm 61 years old. I took Paxil and then Celexa for a total of about 21 (consecutive) years. Of those 21 years, I spent the last three years and eight months tapering.

 

I am now in recovery. My three-month point post-jump is coming up. I'M GETTING A LOT BETTER. 😃 

 

Look up "myndfull" in Introductions.

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myndfull
On 5/2/2017 at 10:04 AM, Lilu said:

If you were able to successfully wean yourself off of antidepressants after 10 years or more, please tell me a short version of your story or provide a link to your Intro topic. Thanks! 

 

 

I'm 61 years old. I took Paxil and then Celexa for a total of about 21 (consecutive) years. Of those 21 years, I spent the last three years and eight months tapering.

 

I am now in recovery. My three-month point post-jump is coming up. I'M GETTING A LOT BETTER. 😃 

 

Look up "myndfull" in Introductions.

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mirage

@myndfullThank you for responding. You are such an inspiration and I feel so encouraged. 

 

This is the toughest battle. Before this I was always the, "glass half full", person. I still feel that way but in the back of my head there is doubt. Never had that before either. The fake anxiety and the heightened state of the cns makes everything irrational. I could easily overlook some of these symptoms before this journey and now, I am a smidge weak about it. 

 

I remain faithful as I have seen progress in the right direction. I know I will get there. I tell myself, "one day at a time". This journey sure does test your patience and faith. You mention you different, better and more well grounded. I think I will have positive things come out of this. Things I am currently gaining that I don't know about yet but will be revealed when all is back. 

 

I will watch for your  post and if you have anything you can think, now looking back, that you think was of help, please let me know. 

 

Hurray for you friend! The sun is shining bright myndfull! 

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myndfull

Honestly, the things that helped were the usual ones spoken of here on SA. Distraction is key, day by day. Distraction from the the cycling thoughts that dig the pit deeper. Distraction helps to maintain a positive attitude. It's hard to do when you're in Hell, but when you take the stance that you're going to be free of the place (Hell) someday, you can take a point of view that's all attitude: "I'm just here to be toughened up; whatever follows this experience is going to be a piece of cake." Something like that. I know that it's very difficult to think positively when one's in withdrawal. And we all have our own version or "take" on positivity. For me symptoms are the enemy and I fight them. They're not going to win. I'm ever vigilant. Etc. It can get silly sometimes. I'm taking back stolen territory.

 

Doing something physical helps. Exercise has been key for me--running on a treadmill. Getting outside is important. Being around people is important. I find sitting in a cafe over a coffee and a magazine/book for a couple hours helps a lot. Sitting in a darkened theatre watching a film--often doesn't matter what it's about--helps a lot. I can get caught up in the drama or whatever, and forget myself.

 

I've become a TV watcher; I wasn't before all this started. Cable news, local news, "Big Bang Theory" reruns, Warriors basketball in season.

 

Combing this site for answers to questions was big (I don't come here much anymore and for me that's been a sign that I'm healing). I created a doc file of all the helpful information I found on SA.org and I read through it once in a while.

 

Diet is a big. I've cut caffeine out (though I'm getting back to an afternoon tea once in a while). I don't use sugar anymore or eat sweets (this is huge!) I stopped drinking alcohol years and years ago, so that doesn't factor in. 

 

And I use cannabis daily and judiciously (micro-dosing) to help with the symptoms. It's the only thing that I've tried that helps--California, where I live, is a legal state. It doesn't always help and sometimes it makes matters worse, but I've come to understand its effects well and when I know it's not going to work (set and setting is key to using cannabis medicinally) I don' use it.

 

And I talk and write about my experience. I talk to my wife and I keep a journal (here on SA and on my computer).My computer journal is a conversation I have with myself and it's generally as honest as I can make it. 

 

I've told people in my extended family what I'm going through. I try not to blame anyone for my condition and if I do blame anyone, I blame myself. And when I blame myself I usually come around to the fact that if I can't be kind and loving to the self then the enemy has got hold of me and its winning, and then I shift my thinking to me-positive and then I'm back in the fight.

 

We all conceptualize our suffering in different ways. I've taken a combative approach to the situation. There are many approaches.

 

Meditation is helpful, especially in the mornings. I can't do it when I'm in an anxiety/insomnia cycle. 

 

I use a saying of my own that helps me face the future: "Keep your chin up and your eyes wide open."

 

Myndfull

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mirage

@myndfullThank you for the information. I am similar to you as far as the fight goes. I am not a, lay down and cry, type person. I am more of a, pick yourself up and keep moving. I think I am a little stubborn. lol

 

I do work part time and I exercise 6 days a week. Three of those days are cardio on the treadmill and 3 are lifting weights. I was a runner before this journey began and I have not been able to go back to that yet because of the dizziness I have. However, I have been able to pick up the pace. 

 

I have always been a healthy eater and not a sugar person. I did have occasional caffeine before this but gave it up. Just this week, I have started having a small cup of coffee mid morning. Wasn't an alcohol drinker either, with the exception of an occasional glass of wine. 

 

Most everything I have read says, it is time. Good old time. I think a lot of patience comes in with that as well. I am an extremely faithful person so I rely on that to help see me through. It amazes me how confused the body is. I feel like mine no longer knows how to sleep, or relax or think. I can actually feel the confusion in my head at times. I have moments when I have to stop and think myself through simple tasks. 

 

I know the day will come when I will have all of this behind me and I look forward to it coming. This is the hardest journey. You called it hell. I think that is true. 

 

Hope you continue to heal and life brings amazing things  your way.

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