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apathetic: recovering from olanzapine use


apathetic

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i just can't stand how stupid i am. people are avoiding me, people who used to be my friends. i'm just not interesting enough i guess, or too stupid for them.
no, apathetic, things wouldn't be solved once you read this or that. don't be that irrational.
i just hate my cognitive functioning, i hate it. today one person told me that no-one cares about me and that i'm stupid. i really am stupid. that's a fact. and that person really, really means a lot to me, and that person is right. i am stupid. i don't feel anything about it, it doesn't upset me, not that much. and no, i don't have a logical or rational explanation of why it doesn't upset me, it just doesn't. because i'm stupid and unable to care about things. normal person would be very upset if someone who is important to them told them that they're stupid.

and i'm scared that i'll forget this too, it just doesn't seem important to me. it would be important to a normal person, to me it just isn't. 
it's just hard to increase your brain activity. i'm trying everything.
i'm trying to cry right now, but i can't. and it doesn't bother me. it became my normal. and that's the thing i was very afraid of. 
i'm not severely depressed anymore like i was in february (was off meds then), but i still have other withdrawal symptoms.
in february, i still couldn't feel anything, but i screamed, even if any single tear couldn't drop from my eyes. i screamed trying to feel something, screaming that i was in hell, and i was.

and i am.
and i hate this. seems like it's never going to end. i want hope, but what's the point after so many months of trying ? and it's becoming worse and worse. i'm still going to wait to see if aripiprazole will do anything. 8 weeks. i'm giving the medication 5 more weeks. if things aren't better... i'm getting off it.
i don't know anymore. 

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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I was on Olanzapin 5mg/day for about two weeks (together with Sepram 20mg, later Escitalopram 15mg for a few days) before I quit my meds cold turkey. I'm on my sixth week after doing so and I can say that I'm still somehow phlegmatic/emotionally numb compared to what I was like before. I was usually cracking jokes and having fun most of the time, but nowadays I don't seem to be able to just do that spontaneously. I'm rather quiet and serious and don't have much interest in talking to people. It feels more like a chore to interact with anybody and I don't have much interest/joy in doing things I previously liked. I still do them, just without the fulfilment. Also my attention span (which never was that good to begin with) seems to be reduced.

 

The main thing is that I just don't feel like myself. It's like something has changed, but it's hard to point what exactly. When I really give myself in, I start to have regrets like "why did I ever got on the meds", "worst decision ever", "is this my new 'normal'", etc. but even though it's hard, I try to focus on positives. Everything I've read leads me to believe that withdrawal and post-withdrawal effects will vanish in time and there will be a time when all this will be a bad memory. The desensitized receptors start working and your brain can again regulate its neurotransmitters on its own.

 

I've really learnt to appreciate what I had and what I was like before, because basically, I felt a million times better then than now with my withdrawal symptoms, even if I was a little down sometimes. One thing to look out for, is not to become too dependent on checking yourself for symptoms all the time. What I've found for me personally, is that I can think about these things all day long and when they never leave your mind, they never leave your body. It's so easy to identify all kinds of symptoms in yourself when you're constantly looking for them. When I was happy before all of this mess, I wasn't monitoring myself or my health - my attention was on other things and making most of my time.

 

Hope it all gets better for you soon!

T,

You were only on olanzapine for 2 weeks and have this? Oh man. That's awful. I really hope this isn't your new normal. How long has it been since you ct'd? I hope that the brain can get back to normal for you, b/c I want the same thing for myself.

 

Yeah, two weeks. It's been almost exactly six weeks since I took my last pill. It's crazy, but no doubt that the SSRI I stopped at the same time have something to do with this as well.

Late March 2017: started Sepram 20mg for ~2 weeks, changed to Escitalopram 15mg for 4 days in early April

Late March 2017: started Olanzapin 5mg for ~2 & 1/2 weeks

Quit both cold turkey before ECT treatments early April

Withdrawal symptoms really kicked in on 21/4/17

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Don't give up and let the drugs win. I've thought about going cold turkey also and I don't want to suffer a worse withdraw if I can totally avoid it.

Dec 2016 Risperidone 1 mg, Seroquel 25mg, Latuda 40mg 

Jan - Mar 2017 Paliperidone (invega) 6 -9mg, Zoloft, Mirtazapine, Proprananol, Ativan

Mar - Apr 2017 Aripiprazole (abilify) 10 mg

Apr 2017 - July 2017 Olanzapine (zyprexa) 5 mg tapered to 0mg

Oct 2017 - Present Effexor 37.5mg and Prozac 10mg 

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black tea helps my cognition and i'm starting GAPS diet from tomorrow.
didn't know that diet can affect the withdrawal so much. today i ate some fruit salad with walnuts and honey, drank two cups of black tea, ate less sweets and carbs than usual.
every thing i used to eat until now were only carbs or sugar, and since i don't enjoy any food, i don't really have a problem with changing my eating habits. food isn't important to me that much, i'm eating just to eat something during the day and because i don't want to lose any more weight, so i could eat anything.
i'm glad that it doesn't bother me, it would be really hard to change the eating habits if i actually enjoyed something. not complaining about it, i'm trying to solve the main problems first, then i'll give myself the right to complain about apathy and anhedonia --- cognition, ability to think, feeling kind of dissociated and lack of motivation to be functional. apathy is a big, big problem, but i'm just currently not focused on it. i will be, like i was, when the problems that are bothering me the most are solved.
i feel more motivated to do things and today i felt really bad when it comes to motivation.

 

i don't know for sure, but i think that i might be entering a window, slowly. i started feeling better at the evening again. feels most of the days like i have that sleep fog whole day until the evening (i have normal sleeping pattern), and normal people have them for maybe couple of minutes to 2 hours after waking up.

i'm so far from good, but i'm better. black tea really helps me and it's a natural thing.

and i'll see about the diet and i'm going to tell you the results after couple of months of being on it.

thank you all for reading my posts.

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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Thank you for keeping us updated. I look forward to reading more if your entries

Edited by scallywag
deleted quote of immediately previous post for readability

Dec 2016 Risperidone 1 mg, Seroquel 25mg, Latuda 40mg 

Jan - Mar 2017 Paliperidone (invega) 6 -9mg, Zoloft, Mirtazapine, Proprananol, Ativan

Mar - Apr 2017 Aripiprazole (abilify) 10 mg

Apr 2017 - July 2017 Olanzapine (zyprexa) 5 mg tapered to 0mg

Oct 2017 - Present Effexor 37.5mg and Prozac 10mg 

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i want to stop being on this med.

almost 4 weeks have passed, i think that i'm worse than i was before may.

my cognition is the worst aka concentration/attention, memory, general ability to think, to do anything mentally...

i don't want this, i really don't. i want to recover from medication usage, and not use more of them.

i just feel worse.

 

and yes, i know that i'm saying that once i feel like i'm entering the window, once like i'm the worst possible.

it's because of my inability to define things.

 

doctor does say that it takes time to "be better", that it takes around 8 weeks.

am i being naive for believing in that ? haha, yes.

should i wait ?!

 

i started taking omega 3, maybe it can help my horrible cognitive abilities. horrible.

 

i don't know what to expect. i feel like i'm rotting mentally. it all seems progressive.

made me stupid. like, i finally created something, then it fell apart, but before the medication. then i started taking that medication in order to help myself, but i just feel worse.

 

i'm not conscious about anything i'm doing. i'm not thinking about things i'm saying or doing, i just do them and say them.

i want to hurt myself. i'm safe, i don't have things with which i could do that anywhere in house, but i just want to do it.

 

i'm crying right now. 

 

i'm so sorry, everyone. i just feel like i'm losing the fight.

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Don't just stop anything,  you will need to taper the aripiprazole now that you have been taking it for 4 weeks. You are suffering the side effects and they will not go away unless the dose is lowered very very carefully. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1896-tips-for-tapering-off-abilify-aripiprazole/

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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i learned my lesson. i'm not going to stop it cold turkey. even if it's not a high dose at all.

it's not really possible to reduce it by 10% because the pill is small, but i can try cutting it in 4 pieces and taking 3 of them, which is 3.75mg, and currently i'm taking 5mg.

of course that my body would be sensitive to the new medication since i have a withdrawal syndrome. 

it's very challenging to get off the drug.

i'm not so sure what to do.

 

for example, what i did was reading something and memorizing it (i'm trying to learn a new language on my own), and now that i'm trying to memorize something new, i can't remember what did i actually study before. i mean, i can remember when i read it, like "yeeeah that was it", maybe even my mind's trying to trick me that i remember it, but i'm not really able to repeat what i was studying, i just forgot let's say. i need to read it again to remember anything, because i forgot everything. i can't really describe the feeling, i don't know if you, dear people, understand what i'm trying to say.

 

it's like i'm in a completely different mindset and can't remember the previous mindset. maybe that's not even a mindset, let's just call it better cognitive function.

 

since i started taking fish oil again (which IS helping me a bit), i read that i should take it with vitamin E (if i read it correctly) and when i took it, i could somehow study better, but without thinking about it at all. i can't describe, like i read the lesson 2 times and i know everything, but i'm just not thinking about anything, blank mind, common symptom both of withdrawal and the side effect of an antipsychotic i'm currently taking.

 

the thing is, when i quit olanzapine, after some time i WAS able to form my own thoughts. now it seems like i'm only having subconscious ones, we all do when we say that "we don't have thoughts", it only means that we don't have it on a conscious level. my strategy back then was to recognize subconscious thoughts and recongize those that are unhelpful (irrational) and try to change them. somehow, i started forming thoughts and mind, but i can say one thing --- it definitely takes time. it took me a couple of months for forming thoughts, with a lots of effort because i was so worried about my brain and mental health that i just felt like this:

"either you're going to end your life because you're hopeless, or you're going to try your hardest even when you feel this horrible to get out of this.

you're choosing between life and death."

it was just my high anxiety speaking, and my withdrawal induced severe depression.

anxiety can often be activating and at the beginning of it, it can be beneficial because it makes you panic and get out of that slow-motion state, but it's good until it becomes extreme and pathological; for example, if i put my phone on the table like this, i'm going to die. 

obsessions and compulsions, those were my main anxiety symptoms. 

 

yes, medications can be necessary for many of people, i'm not anti-medications or anti-psychiatry or anything. i actually love psychiatry; but the thing i love about it is finding meaning in all the meaningless things that our mind is creating. and finding meaning became a really big part of my life when the withdrawal came, since it definitely reduces your ability to find that meaning, and finding meaning can be incredible.

medications are necessary, but i think that it's wrong that they give them long-term. i think that psychotherapy is really, really important. medications are over-prescribed. i always prefer trying to solve a problem without the medication, with psychotherapy which can be very helpful, but the wrong thing is that many individuals are focusing on getting more and more medications, being more and more sick and similar. many of them don't really want to solve their problems, many of the people just accepted the fact that they're psychiatric patients and can't be cured. which is a completely wrong idea, and they're only taking more and more meds and doing nothing about what they're feeling.

 

i mean, i'm telling this because - been there, done that.

 

my official diagnosis is a diagnosis of a personality disorder, which is i believe true, because it was always there, in my childhood and before taking all the medications that i've taken so far, and i've taken so many of them. never experienced this before.

but also, let's not forget that there are people who find medications helpful.

i, personally, don't. and that's okay too.

we're all different.

 

i may said that i maybe in past have had withdrawal syndrome; but i think that it was a normal one that almost everyone experiences who is stopping some medication. but this one is the strongest one, the real one, the awful one. real, real withdrawal syndrome, caused by strong atypical antipsychotic medication. and i'm not the only one, which is the worst! and i really can't stand the fact that we all are suffering that much.

 

that's all i wanted to say.

 

so, in conclusion, i'll maybe try tapering. only maybe, i'll see. there are two options: to stay on it and see if it's going to do something, anything, or to start tapering. but definitely not cold turkey.

 

also, i read somewhere that some people take it once a week and that it's better. i'll see, maybe i'll try that, but also with tapering.
NOTE: they were talking concretely about aripiprazole, i don't know about other medications.

 

we'll see.... i'm talking to my doctor soon.

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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i don't know anymore. i feel like this will never pass.

but, the thing about no motivation to do things has passed. but my cognition is still low. i don't seem to care, to be honest. i wish i was off meds so i could care, but since i agreed on using it because i was so desperate, i can give it a chance, but i don't expect it to cure me or anything, i just want some small relief from obsessive symptoms, depression and similar. i know that it sounds awful that i want to kill my mind with medications just to eliminate the symptoms, but as i said, if i've already started it, then let's finish it properly. i will take it as long as my doctor told me to take it, 8 weeks. just 8 weeks. and then i'll probably start tapering.

 

the thing that ruined my cognition are definitely supplements. i don't know if i talked about that, sorry if i did. another exercise for me and my cognition would be to firstly read if i told already something on here because i don't want to repeat myself, that would be an exercise because i'm unmotivated to read, to be honest.

but i took suddenly 4-5 of them, all normal doses, which is as i read here a mistake, because we need to start with smaller doses and then to increase them later. few days later i felt so bad and still can't get better from it. but maybe if i wasn't on the medication, i would be better. i think and i'm sure that my cognition is also bad because of the medication.

 

this is somehow a rest. i know it sounds awful, i know. literally killing your mind with some substances just because you couldn't take it anymore sounds really bad. 

 

i don't know, i just don't. i feel so tired from everything, so stupid. 

 

i wasn't coming here because i didn't want to complain about my state since i'm still taking the medication. but i had to vent.

 

don't make the same mistake as i did --- try to dose your supplements right and please read topics on here about everything that interests you. about experiences with everything, because our body reacts differently to any kind of substance right now because of the withdrawal syndrome.

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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i don't know anymore. i feel like this will never pass.

but, the thing about no motivation to do things has passed. but my cognition is still low. i don't seem to care, to be honest. i wish i was off meds so i could care, but since i agreed on using it because i was so desperate, i can give it a chance, but i don't expect it to cure me or anything, i just want some small relief from obsessive symptoms, depression and similar. i know that it sounds awful that i want to kill my mind with medications just to eliminate the symptoms, but as i said, if i've already started it, then let's finish it properly. i will take it as long as my doctor told me to take it, 8 weeks. just 8 weeks. and then i'll probably start tapering.

 

the thing that ruined my cognition are definitely supplements. i don't know if i talked about that, sorry if i did. another exercise for me and my cognition would be to firstly read if i told already something on here because i don't want to repeat myself, that would be an exercise because i'm unmotivated to read, to be honest.

but i took suddenly 4-5 of them, all normal doses, which is as i read here a mistake, because we need to start with smaller doses and then to increase them later. few days later i felt so bad and still can't get better from it. but maybe if i wasn't on the medication, i would be better. i think and i'm sure that my cognition is also bad because of the medication.

 

this is somehow a rest. i know it sounds awful, i know. literally killing your mind with some substances just because you couldn't take it anymore sounds really bad.

 

i don't know, i just don't. i feel so tired from everything, so stupid.

 

i wasn't coming here because i didn't want to complain about my state since i'm still taking the medication. but i had to vent.

 

don't make the same mistake as i did --- try to dose your supplements right and please read topics on here about everything that interests you. about experiences with everything, because our body reacts differently to any kind of substance right now because of the withdrawal syndrome.

Apathetic,

 

Try to hang in there and listen to what your body is telling you. If you think you need to be off the meds, then do so in a way that you can decrease safely. If it's waiting it out, do that. Abilify doesn't take 8 weeks to stabilize ,it's 4-6 weeks.I'm sorry you're having so many issues but I was glad to see that your thoughts returned after you stopped the other antipsychotic. That's kinda a bonus, no?

Dec 2016 Risperidone 1 mg, Seroquel 25mg, Latuda 40mg 

Jan - Mar 2017 Paliperidone (invega) 6 -9mg, Zoloft, Mirtazapine, Proprananol, Ativan

Mar - Apr 2017 Aripiprazole (abilify) 10 mg

Apr 2017 - July 2017 Olanzapine (zyprexa) 5 mg tapered to 0mg

Oct 2017 - Present Effexor 37.5mg and Prozac 10mg 

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Apathetic,

Try to hang in there and listen to what your body is telling you. If you think you need to be off the meds, then do so in a way that you can decrease safely. If it's waiting it out, do that. Abilify doesn't take 8 weeks to stabilize ,it's 4-6 weeks.I'm sorry you're having so many issues but I was glad to see that your thoughts returned after you stopped the other antipsychotic. That's kinda a bonus, no?

 

of course that it's a bonus.

i've decided, finally, to get off the medication, slowly. 

i will start taking smaller dose, but since the pill is so small, i can take either 3.75mg or 2.5mg.

can't take it anymore, to be honest and i have urges to just quit cold turkey.

but no, apathetic, you won't, you won't.

i'm feeling really bad, just finished talking on a suicide hotline. i feel exhausted, now i'm going to eat something and sleep. i had some crisis.

 

definitely going to seriously start working on myself with some workbook that i've found on here + psychotherapy with a doctor.

i'm hungry, sleepy and exhausted.

 

i'm not going to harm myself, i'm safe.

 

______________________________________

 

 

everyone,

suicide hotlines can help a lot and don't hesitate calling them/chatting with them when you're feeling suicidal.

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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I'm so glad you found someone helpful to talk to and that you feel better after the chat.

Take care of yourself!

 

(((Hugs)))

M.

200 Zoloft; 10 mg Zyprexa; 4 mg valium as of May 2021;  Valium taper: July 16: 3.5 valium; July 30: 3 mg (paused valium taper); Aug. 23: 2.5 mg
Zyprexa: July 26: 8.75 mg; Aug. 9: 7.5 mg; Aug. 30: 7.1 mg

-------
Dec 1, 2016. 10 mg zyprexa for 1.5 month. Started taper mid-Jan. 2017. Cut 1.25 mg every 2 weeks; smaller cuts 2.5 mg down. Stopped at .6 mg. May 7, 2017: zyprexa free. 
Zoloft: Dec1, 2016, 200 mg. Started taper: Jun12, 2017: 197.5 mg; Jun19,:195 mg; July 2:185mg; July 9,:180 mg; July16,: 175; July 23: 170; July 30: 165; Aug6: 160; Aug13: 155; Aug. 20: 150; Aug.27: 146 mg; Sept3: 145 mg; Sept10:143 mg; Sept17:140 mg....Nov5: 122 mg...Dec3:112.5 mg; Jan14, 2018: 95 mg...Jan28: 90 mg; Feb21:80 mg; Mar11: 75 mg; May2:70 mg; May15: 68 mg; May28: 65 mg; Jun9: 62 mg;Jun25: 60 mg:July22: 55 mg; Aug25: 45 mg. Aug28: 50 mg...Oct 28: 38 mg; Dec.4: 30 mg; Jan8,2019: 25mg; Feb6: 23.5 mg; Apr1:17.5mg; May1:1 mg; May 5: 18;  May 18:15mg; June 16:12.5mg; Sept 10:11 mg; Sept.16:10 mg; Oct. 1: 9mg; Nov. 27: 8mg; Dec.5: 7mg; Jan.1,2020, 6 mg; Feb1: 5 mg; May 1: 2.5 mg; Jn 1: 2 mg; Jy 1: 1.5 mg

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Madeleine, thank you! *hugs*

_______________________________

guys is this permanent ? :(

the best description of withdrawal is - tragedy.

 

it's getting worse and worse every day. every month.

it all began when i was taking too many supplements. now i'm taking only fish oil (omega 3) + vitamin E, aripiprazole 2.5mg (the pill was too small) and escitalopram 10mg. 

 

i also forgot to take my escitalopram today. i'm forgetting things like crazy. someone tells me something, i don't know what they've just said.

it's either a brain damage, dementia or something like that.

 

i'm not even 21. i'm actually very young.

my life's been ruined.

 

i seriously can't do this anymore, my mind's trying to convince me that i'm doing great, i can't define any single thing around me.. why was i even starting the new medication ? am i going to be this stupid forever ?

 

tell me why not to quit cold turkey. is it damaging my brain if i quit cold turkey ? i don't care about the depression and anxiety that are severe anymore, apathy. i don't care. i just don't. i want to get out of here, save me, save me....

 

save me from cognition that is this low. i just want it all to end. i'm crying so hard while writing this.

 

i want to quit cold turkey, i want to. nothing is helping, seriously. i'm trying to eat clean, but i have no motivation to do so, or i get angry and then eat and say "i don't care anymore". i really don't. 

i'm doing nothing during the day, and i don't care about my mental state anymore.

 

i'm extremely unwell. extremely. cognitively at the first place, somewhat emotionally.

i'm unbelievably stupid.

 

someone help me.

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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if you forget to take your dose take it when you remember. If it's almost time for your next dose when you remember take only the one. No big deal. Instructions on what to do if you miss dose are also on this site somewhere and pharmacists can alwyou advise you if you have a question on what to do if you forget. If don't already have one get one of those pill containers with the days of the week so you put sad day's dose in one. Leave it somewhere where you'll see it regularly so you are less likely to forget to take it.

 

It's not a good idea to cold turkey. Don't do it.

 

You are young and you will heal. I'm more than double your age and it takes longer to heal when one is older. Have faith you will get better!

200 Zoloft; 10 mg Zyprexa; 4 mg valium as of May 2021;  Valium taper: July 16: 3.5 valium; July 30: 3 mg (paused valium taper); Aug. 23: 2.5 mg
Zyprexa: July 26: 8.75 mg; Aug. 9: 7.5 mg; Aug. 30: 7.1 mg

-------
Dec 1, 2016. 10 mg zyprexa for 1.5 month. Started taper mid-Jan. 2017. Cut 1.25 mg every 2 weeks; smaller cuts 2.5 mg down. Stopped at .6 mg. May 7, 2017: zyprexa free. 
Zoloft: Dec1, 2016, 200 mg. Started taper: Jun12, 2017: 197.5 mg; Jun19,:195 mg; July 2:185mg; July 9,:180 mg; July16,: 175; July 23: 170; July 30: 165; Aug6: 160; Aug13: 155; Aug. 20: 150; Aug.27: 146 mg; Sept3: 145 mg; Sept10:143 mg; Sept17:140 mg....Nov5: 122 mg...Dec3:112.5 mg; Jan14, 2018: 95 mg...Jan28: 90 mg; Feb21:80 mg; Mar11: 75 mg; May2:70 mg; May15: 68 mg; May28: 65 mg; Jun9: 62 mg;Jun25: 60 mg:July22: 55 mg; Aug25: 45 mg. Aug28: 50 mg...Oct 28: 38 mg; Dec.4: 30 mg; Jan8,2019: 25mg; Feb6: 23.5 mg; Apr1:17.5mg; May1:1 mg; May 5: 18;  May 18:15mg; June 16:12.5mg; Sept 10:11 mg; Sept.16:10 mg; Oct. 1: 9mg; Nov. 27: 8mg; Dec.5: 7mg; Jan.1,2020, 6 mg; Feb1: 5 mg; May 1: 2.5 mg; Jn 1: 2 mg; Jy 1: 1.5 mg

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  • Moderator Emeritus

What Madeline posted is correct: "if you forget to take your dose take it when you remember. If it's almost time for your next dose when you remember take only the one."

 

You can always set a daily reminder in your phone, or set an alarm clock.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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if you forget to take your dose take it when you remember. If it's almost time for your next dose when you remember take only the one. No big deal. Instructions on what to do if you miss dose are also on this site somewhere and pharmacists can alwyou advise you if you have a question on what to do if you forget. If don't already have one get one of those pill containers with the days of the week so you put sad day's dose in one. Leave it somewhere where you'll see it regularly so you are less likely to forget to take it.

 

It's not a good idea to cold turkey. Don't do it.

 

You are young and you will heal. I'm more than double your age and it takes longer to heal when one is older. Have faith you will get better!

 

What Madeline posted is correct: "if you forget to take your dose take it when you remember. If it's almost time for your next dose when you remember take only the one."

 

You can always set a daily reminder in your phone, or set an alarm clock.

 

thank you. today, i did take my medication and this night i couldn't sleep because i thought i was developing alzheimer's.

i was trying to cry and care, but couldn't. i felt like i'm just letting the illness kill me mentally.

i will continue taking aripiprazole 2.5mg until the end of june. i guess that my body is still adapting, but my cognition is awful, yet my doctor tells me that it seems like it's not awful.

it is, i know what i'm talking about, it is.

 

i started hurting myself physically because i couldn't take it anymore (i have a long history of self-injury). 

i feel like my doctor stopped getting me seriously, but i don't think that you can help me with that, the doctor i currently have is the best one so far. i will discuss that with her and my parents and we'll see what can i do.

 

the thing is that my "emotions" can't be and aren't deep enough for me to be taken seriously. nobody would take me seriously with this cognition, stupidity, confusion, and also not being able to express what i really, really, really "feel".

i hope i really will heal.

from today, i'm starting to work more on myself, but i'm scared that my "motivation" would pass.

 

i have a to-do list for today and i want to follow it. still not good enough mentally to do anything.

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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came here just to write the progress from today, although apathy and irrational thoughts don't allow me to feel proud because of that, but i'm still going to write it, it's important.

 

progress from today, 02.06.2017.
- have been physically active whole day
- could learn really easily couple hours after the activity

- recognized irrational thoughts that i wasn't even aware of and changed them, now i feel better about myself

 

needed to document this here to actually prove to myself that i can do it and that better days can come.

still irrational, but i'm sleepy since i haven't slept enough last night (around 4h).

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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Nice update. Good to hear!

200 Zoloft; 10 mg Zyprexa; 4 mg valium as of May 2021;  Valium taper: July 16: 3.5 valium; July 30: 3 mg (paused valium taper); Aug. 23: 2.5 mg
Zyprexa: July 26: 8.75 mg; Aug. 9: 7.5 mg; Aug. 30: 7.1 mg

-------
Dec 1, 2016. 10 mg zyprexa for 1.5 month. Started taper mid-Jan. 2017. Cut 1.25 mg every 2 weeks; smaller cuts 2.5 mg down. Stopped at .6 mg. May 7, 2017: zyprexa free. 
Zoloft: Dec1, 2016, 200 mg. Started taper: Jun12, 2017: 197.5 mg; Jun19,:195 mg; July 2:185mg; July 9,:180 mg; July16,: 175; July 23: 170; July 30: 165; Aug6: 160; Aug13: 155; Aug. 20: 150; Aug.27: 146 mg; Sept3: 145 mg; Sept10:143 mg; Sept17:140 mg....Nov5: 122 mg...Dec3:112.5 mg; Jan14, 2018: 95 mg...Jan28: 90 mg; Feb21:80 mg; Mar11: 75 mg; May2:70 mg; May15: 68 mg; May28: 65 mg; Jun9: 62 mg;Jun25: 60 mg:July22: 55 mg; Aug25: 45 mg. Aug28: 50 mg...Oct 28: 38 mg; Dec.4: 30 mg; Jan8,2019: 25mg; Feb6: 23.5 mg; Apr1:17.5mg; May1:1 mg; May 5: 18;  May 18:15mg; June 16:12.5mg; Sept 10:11 mg; Sept.16:10 mg; Oct. 1: 9mg; Nov. 27: 8mg; Dec.5: 7mg; Jan.1,2020, 6 mg; Feb1: 5 mg; May 1: 2.5 mg; Jn 1: 2 mg; Jy 1: 1.5 mg

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One of the mods mentioned that they had self harmed in the past and it was suggested to them to run an ice cube up and down on their skin.  They said that they found it helped.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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came here just to write the progress from today, although apathy and irrational thoughts don't allow me to feel proud because of that, but i'm still going to write it, it's important.

 

progress from today, 02.06.2017.

- have been physically active whole day

- could learn really easily couple hours after the activity

- recognized irrational thoughts that i wasn't even aware of and changed them, now i feel better about myself

 

needed to document this here to actually prove to myself that i can do it and that better days can come.

still irrational, but i'm sleepy since i haven't slept enough last night (around 4h).

Apathetic.

It sounds like you're doing some great things to keep yourself busy. Keep up the good work! I don't have the motivation to do so while on my meds, so it's good to see that you are doing things while on meds. Be gentle with yourself. I like chessie cats ice cube idea. They also say leaning forward and putting an ice pack on your forehead while holding your breath helps also. It's called the dive technique. If you're not already on a FB page, you should join the abilify should be illegal page. I'm on the zyprexa one. Strength in numbers.

Dec 2016 Risperidone 1 mg, Seroquel 25mg, Latuda 40mg 

Jan - Mar 2017 Paliperidone (invega) 6 -9mg, Zoloft, Mirtazapine, Proprananol, Ativan

Mar - Apr 2017 Aripiprazole (abilify) 10 mg

Apr 2017 - July 2017 Olanzapine (zyprexa) 5 mg tapered to 0mg

Oct 2017 - Present Effexor 37.5mg and Prozac 10mg 

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thank you everyone :)

 

plshelp, i am trying to keep myself busy all the time, that somehow became my point of life (literally), which is horrible.

i threw up today, i don't know if the medication is the reason.

 

my doctor is literally telling me: "please, please take your medications". it seems to me like a life and death situation.

 

 

i've been feeling nothing, to be honest. feeling nothing towards anything and anyone. i can't seem to care about anything.

it's seriously horrifying because it has never been this bad. lately i wasn't feeling a damn thing.

 

let me give you examples:
- someone could see my scars -- i don't care and i'm totally apathetic about it

- i can die -- i don't care and i'm totally apathetic about it

- not caring about my apathy at all

- how my reactions on things are like, are they inappropriate -- not caring about it, apathetic

- being actually stupid -- not caring, apathy

- i don't care in front of who i'm talking about anything, i just don't care and don't pay attention at all. i could talk to anyone like i talk to my psychiatrist which is horrible. i could talk to anyone about my problem, which is horrible.

 

i just don't feel a damn thing. it takes a lot of effort for me to write about my state because i don't even care about curing it anymore. i don't even feel hopeless, i don't feel anything, any single thing.

 

i don't feel that pleasant feeling when i see kittens or puppies. i don't feel anything about it. when i was apathetic for the first time, i could feel something but i could feel it MENTALLY, if you get me, but emotionally no, i didn't have any sensation in my body, but i thought that those kittens are cute.

 

sorry if i'm talking nonsense, but is there anyone on this planet who doesn't even find little animals cute ? i don't love anyone or  care about anyone, anything.

 

i know that it's maybe a stupid example, but that's worsening of the symptoms. i used to care about would i look stupid, apathetic in front of other people, now i don't.

nothing can change my inner emptiness.

 

_______________________________________

 

my question is...  i'm, again, choosing between life and death.

now, tell me. tell me... should i start taking the medication again, but my doctor prescribed me 10mg of aripiprazole ? i'm currently on 2.5mg. 

will it make this horrifying dead feeling go away ? i don't even find it horrifying, but objectively, i know people would think it's horrifying.

is med going to make it worse or better ?!

 

what should i do?!?!?!!?

never been this bad. never, ever.

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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sorry if i'm talking nonsense, but is there anyone on this planet who doesn't even find little animals cute ? i don't love anyone or  care about anyone, anything.

 

Yes - see this thread: Depersonalisation or DeRealisation

 

It's a particularly difficult symptom to cope with, because it can feel as if you've lost all of yourself - so what is left to use to cope with things?  So it's important to remember that it's another trick of the drug.  You are still there, but you might need to go on blind-faith for a while.  People do recover from DP/DR, as they do from other w/d symptoms. 

 

 

now, tell me. tell me... should i start taking the medication again, but my doctor prescribed me 10mg of aripiprazole ? i'm currently on 2.5mg. 

will it make this horrifying dead feeling go away ?

 

I'm not sure - I haven't read enough of your thread.  However, generally speaking, if a drug (or too-fast withdrawal from a drug) has caused a symptom, then taking more of that drug isn't a good idea.  Can you clarify in your signature, when you started aripiprazole 2.5mg, and when you updosed to 5mg?  Thanks. 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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sorry if i'm talking nonsense, but is there anyone on this planet who doesn't even find little animals cute ? i don't love anyone or  care about anyone, anything.

 

Yes - see this thread: Depersonalisation or DeRealisation

 

It's a particularly difficult symptom to cope with, because it can feel as if you've lost all of yourself - so what is left to use to cope with things?  So it's important to remember that it's another trick of the drug.  You are still there, but you might need to go on blind-faith for a while.  People do recover from DP/DR, as they do from other w/d symptoms. 

 

 

now, tell me. tell me... should i start taking the medication again, but my doctor prescribed me 10mg of aripiprazole ? i'm currently on 2.5mg. 

will it make this horrifying dead feeling go away ?

 

I'm not sure - I haven't read enough of your thread.  However, generally speaking, if a drug (or too-fast withdrawal from a drug) has caused a symptom, then taking more of that drug isn't a good idea.  Can you clarify in your signature, when you started aripiprazole 2.5mg, and when you updosed to 5mg?  Thanks. 

 

the drug that caused me withdrawal at the first place is olanzapine, when i quit cold turkey 15mg/day. my symptoms worsened when i started taking too many supplements and because of that, i started with the new drug, aripiprazole, but i started with 5mg. then, i started tapering (on a wrong way) and started taking 2.5mg. my signature is a bit confusing, sorry, i will change it.

 

and... aripiprazole caused me aggression. when i started with 2.5mg, i stopped being that aggressive, but was all in slow-motion. 

i called my doctor yesterday and her concern somehow made me feel like the medication can somehow help, at least to stabilize a bit.

because of her concern, i took 10mg yesterday, and guess what - i don't have those symptoms about not caring that i described. at least i'm a bit more conscious about the world.

 

i read that it means that you have withdrawal when the drug immediately stops the symptoms after you take it (or very fastly). 

i don't like the idea of taking the medication, but i feel like that's the only thing that could help me survive with less consequences right now.

 

edit: i forgot to mention that when i started taking aripiprazole, i started taking also ginkgo biloba besides that. i stopped with ginkgo.

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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Apathetic.

What dose of abilify are you on currently? What are your goals for tapering or reinstating?

What are your current withdrawal symptoms?

Dec 2016 Risperidone 1 mg, Seroquel 25mg, Latuda 40mg 

Jan - Mar 2017 Paliperidone (invega) 6 -9mg, Zoloft, Mirtazapine, Proprananol, Ativan

Mar - Apr 2017 Aripiprazole (abilify) 10 mg

Apr 2017 - July 2017 Olanzapine (zyprexa) 5 mg tapered to 0mg

Oct 2017 - Present Effexor 37.5mg and Prozac 10mg 

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Apathetic.

What dose of abilify are you on currently? What are your goals for tapering or reinstating?

What are your current withdrawal symptoms?

 

currently, i'm on 10mg of abilify.

my goals for tapering/reinstating are to wait for the side effects to go away on this dose, because i felt really, really bad and to also wait to be even a tiny bit better, to get my body used to the medication, and then to start tapering.

 

i don't know if this is a symptom of withdrawal or the side effect of the medication, but i'm planning to tell what i'm going to tell you right now to my doctor because it's really, really hard to cope and i'm scared for my own life, but feel like i can choose only between two "evils".

 

i'm currently physically sick. when i was on 2.5mg aka tapering, i threw up once and was shaking really badly before it happened. i've never had stomach problems before taking abilify.

i can barely eat, both because i'm scared of throwing up again and because i have no appetite, and also because my teeth hurt and my throat also.

i also started having sleep problems.. i wake up every 2-3 hours and go back to sleep again and i'm very tired and feel very sick when i wake up.

 

i guess that it's all side effect. when i was taking 5mg, when i started abilify, i was also physically sick at first, but stomach problems never went away. i feel like my stomach is very unstable and i have to calm myself down multiple times a day because i feel like i'm going to throw up.

those symptoms are the most important to me.

 

when i don't feel this bad physically, my symptoms are severe brain fog, concentration problems, memory problems, apathy, anhedonia... but the thing that's bothering me the most is not being able to think clearly and not being able, or being barely able to define anything and know what's good, bad, what to say, what not to say, to who what to say or not...

 

i don't know how safe it is to take some multivitamin, but my doctor (not psychiatrist, regular one) told me to take it and that it can increase my appetite. multivitamin has omega 3, vitamin E, vitamin C and many other things inside of it, but as i said i don't know how safe it is to take it since many supplements all at once ruined my cognition.

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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If the multi-vitamin is a tablet, you can cut it and take half for a few days to test whether you have a negative reaction.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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I think trying to stabilize on this dose sounds like a good plan. I'm sorry you're having so much stomach upset and sleep issues. Those don't sound good. Try drinking chamomile or ginger tea, they will help calm your stomach. Maybe try a valerian tea for sleep. Davis's tea makes one called mother's little helper. I think I would try natural approaches, but by introducing them slowly, one at a time and waiting to see if you have a negative reaction. Then you'll know which you can and cannot handle. Hopefully with time you'll be able to stable and then begin to taper off these meds. 

Dec 2016 Risperidone 1 mg, Seroquel 25mg, Latuda 40mg 

Jan - Mar 2017 Paliperidone (invega) 6 -9mg, Zoloft, Mirtazapine, Proprananol, Ativan

Mar - Apr 2017 Aripiprazole (abilify) 10 mg

Apr 2017 - July 2017 Olanzapine (zyprexa) 5 mg tapered to 0mg

Oct 2017 - Present Effexor 37.5mg and Prozac 10mg 

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multi-vitamin can't be cut in half, but i'm not having any positive or negative reaction, which is good and my appetite is better. i went to the doctor and he told me to take some probiotics and i take now one capsule daily, firstly because of my stomach and secondly because it can also benefit my mental health, as i read somewhere. it turned out that i was having sleeping problems and was waking up because of stomach, which is now better, now i'm still waking up but 2-3 times at night, and not every 2 hours.

when i was tapering and taking 2.5mg of aripiprazole, i never found myself being cognitively worse than at that time. i also think that this is a good idea.

...and i started going to the gym after 6 months of being barely active. it's not all of a sudden; i was taking walks before that.
hopefully it would benefit me.

 

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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Yesterday, I remember that I was feeling better, but I don't exactly remember what was I like.
I start talking about something, and I switch topic and end up talking about something not connected to the thing I was firstly talking about.
It's part of cognition, I'd say. It's worse when I don't sleep well, which is understandable. When I wake up, I'm "better" (I don't know if that's really better) for couple of minutes, then it all goes away. Now I can write about that since my sleep wasn't that disturbed this night.
Then I'm back to awful cognition and am like that whole day. I don't know how to stop it.
I'm, during the day, suggestible, I definitely have lack of motivation, feel sleepy but can move properly, forget things easily, concentration is awful, when talking to people I don't understand what they're talking about... Like I'm floating, but my doctor tells me that I'm not experiencing dpdr (depersonalization/derealization).
Without medication, I'm even worse when it comes to those symptoms, and I hate that because they cause me apathy that is worse than before.
I guess that I'm slowly stabilizing on this dose, but I still don't want to quit it, it's way too early for that, I'm not even for a week on this dose (10mg aripiprazole).

Your thoughts ? 

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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i'm in a horrible state that i wasn't really aware of until now. even now i'm not aware of it. i'm in the state of emptiness, very deep emptiness.

i don't feel hope, neither hopelessness. happy, neither sadness, neither apathy. i can't really feel anything at all, anything that would wake me up enough to stand up and say: hey, you NEED to take care of your mental health. you NEED to stop using these drugs asap, you NEED to work on yourself.

 

i'm completely thoughtless, i don't know. and not aware of it! :( that's just horrifying, and that's the thing i was afraid of the most earlier in my withdrawal. i'm scared that i won't be aware in the future. and no, apathetic, this is YOU speaking, the real you, trying to survive. this is not the product of the medication, this is YOU.

 

"where are you going, to the bottom ? do you hear us, we are rotting... no-one, no-one's going to save us now".

 

now that i caught the moment where i can write properly about how actually am i, i'm writing. in order for someone to help, save me. maybe i should start taper, but i don't really care... because emotional numbness, thoughtlessness. i'm the opposite of mindful - i'm mindless. i was and i am in that state where i'm completely destroyed by the meds.

 

at many moments, i felt like my personality was back, but it wasn't and will never be. i don't even care, and i don't care on purpose, it's my choice better said, because i don't want to be tricked into that my personality is back when i forgot why i thought the things i was thinking, why i did the things i was doing, what i liked and disliked and why. how the heck can i go back to something like that ?! and i don't care, i just want to form another one and get better.

 

but i can't if i'm still on the drugs. i'm the literal zombie because of this aripiprazole, and i don't realize it!!! maybe what i was experiencing was actually some form of dpdr (depersonalization/derealization), i don't know.

i don't even know why i wrote the things i was writing here, not that i don't remember, i didn't even know back then when i was writing them.

 

to be honest, i want an obsessive-compulsive phase, depressed phase, any phase where things like... exist. thoughts. just being aware of how i am, no matter how much i suffer, i know i can get better. but when the person isn't aware, that's the real goddamn problem.

 

ahhh. i will read this to my doctor. i don't know what to do, tapering seems like the only option, but i have an important things to finish so i should stay on the medication until the end of the june, because that's how i'm going to maintain at least some stabilization that i have inside of my drugged body, both physical and mental.

 

wish me luck, i need to get things done, and then to taper. i'm going to get through this, it's not that horrible since i'm not aware, but objectively it's horrible. 

 

it's going to end, it's going to end, it's going to end.

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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Hello, I have a question. Is it okay to start tapering off aripiprazole by jumping from 10mg to 8.75mg ? 

Edited by scallywag
moved from topic: Tips on tapering Abilify

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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Reducing from 10 mg to 8.75 mg is a larger reduction than we suggest, 12.5% rather than 10% to 9 mg.

 

What's your thinking about the 8.75 mg dose?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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5 hours ago, scallywag said:

Reducing from 10 mg to 8.75 mg is a larger reduction than we suggest, 12.5% rather than 10% to 9 mg.

 

What's your thinking about the 8.75 mg dose?

 

I can't do anything else because the pill is very small, and reducing to 8.75mg is the closest amount I can get to. I don't know, but it's surely better than the thing I did previously -- from 5mg to 2.5mg. And a liquid isn't an option because I'm still a minor and my parents would be so suspicious about all of that...

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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That makes sense, thanks for explaining.  If you've got to reduce by a bit more than 10%, then keep an eye on your symptoms and allow  at least 4 weeks if not 6 between decreases. Give yourself lots of time. 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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5 hours ago, scallywag said:

That makes sense, thanks for explaining.  If you've got to reduce by a bit more than 10%, then keep an eye on your symptoms and allow  at least 4 weeks if not 6 between decreases. Give yourself lots of time. 

 

Thank you. I'll try my best.

 

_______________________________________

 

I took my first appropriate reduced dose - 8.75mg. I couldn't take it anymore, I don't care about anything literally. A n y t h i n g.

 

That's why I think I'm stupid - I can't make a difference between important and unimportant things, who to tell things to and if to tell them at all, what to do in front of others.. Of course, I'm not being inappropriate, but there are no limits in my behaviors and no boundaries between me and other people. Did anyone deal with this ?! It's been bothering me very, very much and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not even stabilized enough to reduce my dose, but I just had to because I started doing stupid things and losing control over myself and who am I talking to about my mental condition and all my deepest darkest secrets. I'm literally exposing myself to anyone I'm talking to because I have no limits. I just lost control and gave up at the same time. Someone please help me, or give me some tips, at least tell me how to cope... I don't know anymore, I really, really need help for this and I was better when off medications, I could create a literal ego but right now I can't. 

 

I'm sorry. I just feel so alone in this with having no boundaries. Is this part of the withdrawal or the part of my illness ? I don't know when it started, I just know that it's worsening. 

 

If it's not part of the withdrawal... Where to find hope ? How to be sure that I won't start behaving inappropriately and start exposing myself even more, while not knowing what I should/shouldn't tell in front of others ? :(  And no, it's not the obsessive thought, I'm 100% sure, because mostly I'm not aware of my behavior and I really do the things I've described. That's scary.

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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I really want to quit cold turkey. Can someone help and tell me why it's a bad decision ? I really want to.
Can't stand the state I'm in currently. Better off meds, even if quit cold turkey, than on them. I know that's such a wrong thing to do, but I don't know what to do anymore.
I can't wait anymore for it to get better. Maybe this time I could save myself if I quit.
Sorry. :( 
My soul's crying while writing this, but I can't, even though I'm trying to move my face to make myself cry somehow. But I can't seem to care.

My withdrawal journey (click)

 

"If you're going through hell - keep going".

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