Plshelp: olanzapine 5mg

[ChessieCat]

You could try making a routine for your day where you schedule things to do throughout the day.  It would possibly be better to do this the day before so that when you get up the next day you know you have a guideline of what you are going to do rather than you thinking hours of emptiness.  Basically it will be teaching yourself new habits.  It takes us about 2 weeks to establish a new routine.  Include times for when you are going to do things like your meals and personal hygiene, include one or two household tasks (washing up, washing clothes, tidy up) and include one or two recreational things (going for a short walk, watering the garden or something else that you could do).

 

It is best to start simple and make it achievable so that it doesn't overwhelm you and you find it too hard and give up.  You may not do everything/anything that you put on the schedule but that doesn't matter.  It's just a guide to teach your brain and to get it used to having a routine again.  It takes practice and it's important to keep trying.  If we don't make a plan we/our brain just drifts along.  Having a plan gives our brain something to latch on to and gives us a purpose.

[Plshelp]

40 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

You could try making a routine for your day where you schedule things to do throughout the day.  It would possibly be better to do this the day before so that when you get up the next day you know you have a guideline of what you are going to do rather than you thinking hours of emptiness.  Basically it will be teaching yourself new habits.  It takes us about 2 weeks to establish a new routine.  Include times for when you are going to do things like your meals and personal hygiene, include one or two household tasks (washing up, washing clothes, tidy up) and include one or two recreational things (going for a short walk, watering the garden or something else that you could do).

 

It is best to start simple and make it achievable so that it doesn't overwhelm you and you find it too hard and give up.  You may not do everything/anything that you put on the schedule but that doesn't matter.  It's just a guide to teach your brain and to get it used to having a routine again.  It takes practice and it's important to keep trying.  If we don't make a plan we/our brain just drifts along.  Having a plan gives our brain something to latch on to and gives us a purpose.

Chessiecat, 

I really would do this if I could. 

 

But my brain is seriously inhibited. That's why I follow my mom around all day. I literally am completely blank and don't have any interests, motivation, or thoughts. I can't even make a grocery list. I can't think to make dinner. I can't just go for a walk - I can't get the motivation and I'm terrified to go outside to go walk and by myself. If someone is not talking to me, or playing games with me, or getting me to help them out, then I sit and watch tv and I even feel upset constantly when I'm doing that, always have a very uneasy feeling inside. 

 

In the last 6 months, I've forced myself to clean the bathroom sink once, swept the floor 5 times all on my own. I literally have to force myself to do everything. Eat, drink, go to the bathroom(b/c I don't have any bodily sensations), shower, do laundry, drive to a doctors appointment, even to go to the grocery store with mom and dad. 

 

It's like I know the things I should be doing-like how I used to function, but I can't get these thoughts in my brain. I am completely blank upstairs. I know it doesn't make sense.

 

Like if I had to make something for myself to eat, I open the fridge door and I sit there like a vegetable-not knowing what I could make. I close the door and make a piece of toast with tomatoes on it, b/c I have seen mom do that and that's what i eat. I can't think to make anything and I have a diploma in culinary arts. Mom makes all the dinners thank God! B/c I would be screwed without that. 

 

I am literally doing everything in my day to distract myself the best that I can. 

[ChessieCat]

26 minutes ago, Plshelp said:

I really would do this if I could. 

 

But my brain is seriously inhibited.

 

I understand that it is difficult but we need to start somewhere.  That is why I wrote the suggestion the way I did.  I think writing a schedule helps to teach your brain to get back on track and into a routine.

 

And I am speaking from experience.  Not your experience, admittedly, but from my own.  After reducing my dose my serotonin syndrome lessened so I wasn't sleeping all the time.  Then for months I played mindless computer games all day and would sometimes go for 3 days and not shower and stay in the same nightie.  I had a time where I think I had the same sheets on the bed for about 3 months possibly longer.  I live by myself so don't have anyone to make meals for me, I would eat biscuits with cheese, or a couple of weetbix with milk, or an egg flip, or toast, whatever was easiest.  A decent meal might be a tin of soup or baked beans.  I would get hungry but didn't feel like eating and would only eat because I knew I had to.  I would only wash up when I ran out of crockery and I have a lot of crockery.  I would dread (and still dislike) going grocery shopping so would only go when I had no choice but to do so.  Having a cat to feed helped with this because I knew I couldn't let her go without food, however there were times when she ended up having human food because I couldn't go out shopping.

 

I started doing 1 day volunteer work (2 years ago, just prior to trying to reduce my dose from 100mg to 50mg which is when I found SA) but on my days home I would do nothing other than be on the computer.  Then I added a second volunteer day and still did very little at home.  It helped being at work because I had someone to tell me what to do.  Then I added a third day of volunteer work.  And still did very little.

 

I had trouble sitting and watching TV and even when the TV was on my mind was racing and I always needed to be doing something else at the same time so I would try and do puzzles.

 

Previously I didn't even want to do things around the house.  Then gradually I began wanting to do things but just didn't have the mental energy to do things.  It was just too hard.  Now I am at the stage that I get the washing up done about twice a week.  I still haven't managed to do it every couple of days.  I'm still struggling to take the rubbish from the house and put the bin out on garbage night.

 

I could go on, there is a lot more that I could have said, but I'm hoping you get the picture.  And what I said at the top is "we need to start somewhere".  We start little and build it up gradually.  It is hard work getting out of the rut.  The hardest part is starting.  The next hardest part is to keep trying.  I was drifting through life and doing the absolute bare necessities.  And yes, I'm still struggling doing things at home but I started and I am getting somewhere.  Not as quickly as I would like to but at least I'm moving in the right direction instead of stagnating.

 

I don't like telling everything like I have here but I have done so to try and help you and possibly other people.  I suggest you start by thinking/saying that you will try instead of I can't do it and then go back and re-read my previous post.  It's not easy, but it is possible.  And if you don't try you will never know. If you try and it works, even if only a small amount, great.  If you try and it doesn't work you won't have lost anything.  I think it's worth trying.

[MollyN]

Fantastic post thanks ChessieCat!!

 

Dear Plshelp, you've got this. A tiny thing to start! Nothing dramatic - you've got damage, just like Chessie did and I do and so many others, but look it's not permanent, but it is really hard right now.

 

Imagine you'd broken your back in 10 places, you wouldn't be expecting yourself to get out of bed each day and bounce around. But if you start with just a tiny thing you can build on that (I'm talking to myself as well here  )

 

For example: today at 10am, I'm going to brush my teeth for 3 mins, get into all those little crevices (count or use a timer/phone). Then after that I'm going to brush my hair for 2 mins. (I have BAD hair, so that wouldn't be enjoyable for me, but the brush on the scalp kind of feels nice). Don't look in the mirror if that makes you judge yourself, but do count the time. Plus at this stage, enjoyability doesn't really come into it, that can come later.

 

Then later at 6pm, I'm going to do this qi gong 7 min magic(!) session with Lee Holden (or insert whatever you like that gets you off the couch, walk to letterbox and find 3 different types of leaves) .

 

Look how small that can be!  We can do 12 mins out of 480 mins in our 8 hour waking day. We can do it!! The rest of the day, tell yourself, it doesn't matter what I do, because I've done my starting things. Our self-love things.

 

And if you look at those tiny things and think "DUDE! I'm not that bad!!" then great, start where you are and tell us, I'm sure so many people can suggest starting routines that helped them xxx lots and lots of love 

[JanCarol]

Moderator note:  +moved from "Help for Desperate or Suicidal."  Please keep personal notes in personal topics.  To see the rest of this conversation, go to:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/11013-terry4949-withdrawal-help/?do=findComment&comment=31049 and http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/11224-roxyrich-adverse-reaction-to-prozac/?do=findComment&comment=310983

Please keep personal notes in personal topics.

 

From October 20:

Plshelp said:

Quote

  On 20/10/2017 at 3:47 AM, Roxyrich said:

I too believe in God, and an afterlife, but I

Wouldn't take any action lightly. I'm just so desperate right now, time has stood still. 

I can relate. 

I'm so desperate, I'm seeing the doctor right now. 

Idk what to do. Go to the hospital and get them to test me and medicate me to the ****? 

I have no idea what to do anymore. 

My circadian rhythm is totally screwed up and my perception of time is altered, I can't feel my bodily sensations, plus so much more. Cognitively I'm barely functioning. I have no emotions, motivation or thoughts in my head. 

Living like this is ******* bullsh*t. I can't do this anymore and I'm too apathetic to commit suicide. I'm trapped in a paralyzed body and brain. This isn't fun anymore. I've been off medication for 3 months, but all these things developed while I was on medications. Nothing is changing and I can barely function and get thru the day.

 

Edited October 29, 2017 by JanCarol

[JanCarol]

Oct 20 2017, from Help for those who are Desperate or Suicidal:

 

  On 20/10/2017 at 1:43 AM, DrugfreeProf said:

Hi, everyone. I understand your pain and desperation. I know what it's like to just wait, wait, wait for mere normalcy. DON'T GIVE UP. This too will pass. The nature of life is CHANGE. Everything changes. This will, too. I promise. Keep the faith. Treasure your hope. Don't let anyone or anything take it away from you. We are on this planet for such a short time; it can end in a heartbeat. Don't we all want to make the most of the brief period we have on this planet?  And I feel and know, deep in my bones, that this isn't it. We take our state of consciousness with us to the other side. So all that matters is your state of consciousness--and THAT is something we can all  work on. Much love and support to you all.

Plshelp wrote:

Quote

 

How about you try living in my body and then we'll see how cheery and positive you'll be about life? (Mod Note:  Please see the next post)

 

I used to value my life so much before I was misdiagnosed and forced to take antipsychotics against my will. Now my brain is damaged severely and can barely function. I can't feel any love or positive emotions. It's like I'm dead inside and my brain is trying to kill me. 

 

I used to be a highly successful functioning individual. I worked as a medical laboratory technologist in Microbiology. Now I can barely function daily and trying to get thru the day with my screwed up circadian rhythm and altered perception of time, where one day feels like an entire week is just pitiful. I was overly emotional and suffering ptsd. 

 

 

@ChessieCat responded:

Quote

I can understand that you are angry but please don't assume that other people are not suffering.  I am 60 years old and have learned that we all experience suffering during our lifetimes, it's just different suffering.

 

If you aren't aware, DrugFreeProf has experienced the loss of one daughter by suicide and she has recently been caring for her other daughter who is experiencing major difficulties getting stablised after psychiatric drug issues.  DrugFreeProf is also trying to getting off a psychiatric drug.

 

When I was feeling suicidal I found this book helpful:  How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention by Susan Rose Blauner

 

 

[rupa]

Brain is a thing that humen should not touch.Shrinks are treating and prescribing as if we are robots.We are all on the pile of disfunctioned robots.

[Plshelp]

I hate living so impaired. Nothing is changing or getting better. I feel dead everyday I wake up. I wish I could sue the medical system for destroying my life. I think about killing the doctor that misdiagnosed me everyday second of the day. On struggling every minute to keep forging forward to stay alive and keep myself occupied. I am so disabled and can barely function. I'm going to see a bunch of doctors for cognitive testing and functioning coming up. I hope that I don't get cut off my LTD. I pray that doesn't happen. And idk how I'm ever supposed to work again, b/c all I can do is follow ppl around. I have no thoughts and motivation to do anything for myself. It's awful living like this. I need God to heal me with a miracle in my sleep. 

[bhasski]

9 hours ago, Plshelp said:

I hate living so impaired. Nothing is changing or getting better. I feel dead everyday I wake up. I wish I could sue the medical system for destroying my life. I think about killing the doctor that misdiagnosed me everyday second of the day. On struggling every minute to keep forging forward to stay alive and keep myself occupied. I am so disabled and can barely function. I'm going to see a bunch of doctors for cognitive testing and functioning coming up. I hope that I don't get cut off my LTD. I pray that doesn't happen. And idk how I'm ever supposed to work again, b/c all I can do is follow ppl around. I have no thoughts and motivation to do anything for myself. It's awful living like this. I need God to heal me with a miracle in my sleep. 

I have hoped this miracle for last 2 years.

I stopped believing in miracles and thus Gods... 

About killing the doctors, I too feel the same way for taking my life.

[Plshelp]

Nothing still has changed. I fear the worst. That I have permanent damage and I'm stuck like this forever... 

[Altostrata]

Plshelp, how are you doing?

[Plshelp]

Altostrata,

 

Thank you for thinking of me and reaching out. I hope that you are well.

 

I'm doing incredibly awful. I'm so disabled and dead inside. I'm on Effexor 37.5mg and Prozac 10mg. I went on them both at the end of October, bcus I was either going to commit suicide or my parents were going to take me to hospital and have me committed and who knows what they would do to me there. I tried coming off it around New Years and I became extremely suicidal, crying profusely and was really unwell for about a week. My mom was really concerned and I went back on the antidepressants and I restabilized after 2 days.

 

My circadian rhythm is totally screwed up (I can't tell the difference between 3am or 7pm-it's just time- the sun and moon rise and set and I can't tell the difference) and my perception of time is altered severely(One hour feels like six and a day feels like a week long). I have fragmented sleeps and I'm never tired, never feel rested or good, always alert and I can't ever nap. I never feel comfortable. All I feel is pain, headache pain occasionally and back pain from a previous injury. My short term, long term and photographic memory are gone. I have no ability to multitask anymore. I can't feel hunger, fullness, thirst or even if I have to go to the bathroom. I have anhedonia, avolition, aboulia, alogia, anosmia, depersonalization, derealization, depression, suicidal ideation, no internal dialogue, dry skin, acne. No thoughts, desires, ambitions, creativity, my personality is gone. Nothing. This is not an acceptable way to live. This is not life. I really want to die. 

 

I'm asking my pdoc if she'll help me with a lawyer and sue the medical system here. I'm also asking her if she'll authorize me for legal suicide-due to a traumatic brain injury which is causing me significant mental anguish and inability to function independently. I cannot do anything. I follow my mom around everyday. I watch TV and struggle to play a game with her on my iPad. I do this everyday. I do everything I physically can to distract myself every second of the day. 

 

I'm so upset and miss my life. I miss my job. I used to work as a medical laboratory technologist in Microbiology. I wanted to go back to school and get my bachelor's in science and pathology assistant degree and work in Histology. I wanted to work in a hospital in three of my Disciplines; Chemistry, Haematology and Transfusion medicine. I also wanted to volunteer on Mercy ships with my profession and help ppl in other countries. I hoped to move and relocate to Europe and travel and work abroad. I wanted to take professional photography courses and choreographed dance. I was taking hip hop classes before this all happened. I also was training to run a half marathon. I had also applied for a job position to teach students at the college that I graduated at. 

 

Now, I struggle severely to exist daily, afraid all the time to go anywhere bcus I am mentally so blank and don't have any thoughts in my head. I can't function. I follow my mom around every second, bcus I don't know what else to do. I struggle to shower every 4 days. I can't feel any bodily functions, emotions, thoughts or anything except excruciatingly crushing depression and suicidal thoughts. I've been living in this state for a year now and I can't stand it. Nothing is changing no matter how hard I try to do things. 

 

This is not life. This is like living in a comatose state in mental purgatory. 

[bhasski]

Sorry to hear you are in so much pain.

 

Did the reinstatement help in any way ?

Anyhow, i can say things will get better , but need time.

 

I am too in a bad state but it was  much much worse before. I too was academic topper .. good in speaking.. singing ..

 

Well all lost.. even the job of software engineer in a good reputed company.That I resigned as I was too pathetic on meds and have rage and afraid of myself.

All my cousins  of my age got settled in these wdl years.. job , business and married... I moved backward.

 

Its not my story.. its for many who are here including you.. these drugs turn world upside down.

 

I would say to get stabilise on the meds.. and then very  slowly taper. Its all you know, I am just repeating.

 

You will get well.

 

[Altostrata]

What times of day do you take your drugs? Do your symptoms follow any daily pattern? Please keep daily notes on paper about your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages.

 

Who prescribed this combination of Effexor and Prozac?

 

You may feel terrible, but be careful about calling it suicidal. The way doctors treat people who are suicidal is to load them up with drugs. If you don't want this to happen, you will need to think about other solutions. Are you really suicidal or are you feeling so awful, you just want someone to fix you, and this is the way you get them to pay attention?

 

If you are having a bad effect from the drugs, you can manage that by adjusting the drugs. We can help you with that.

[bhasski]

20 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

You may feel terrible, but be careful about calling it suicidal. The way doctors treat people who are suicidal is to load them up with drugs.

 

 

@Plshelp This is important  for you.

You have to carefully say the word 'suicidal' in front of docs.. 

Its just seconds that they add up the cocktail vast.

 

[Plshelp]

Just imagine for a moment what it would be like. --> you wake up thinking things will change, they haven't. You woke up to another day of hell. Your throat is dry and your tongue is crusty. So you get up, take some vitamins and go to the bathroom-bcus that’s what ppl do. Even though you don’t feel your bladder at all, or even feel like you have to use the bathroom. You go to the kitchen and make yourself something to eat, even though you aren't ever hungry, or thirsty and you can't taste what you eat. Then after eating, you feel no different than you did before. You don't feel full at all, not even in the slightest. Just empty. You sit in the living room and talk with mom, and play on your ipad, bcus you don't know what else to do. Your mind is completely vacant and void. You basically follow her around all day, even to go to the bathroom, You don't really have anything to think about, bcus there's nothing in your head except for the fact that you don't feel good and just want to die and you don't know how to get thru another long day. Time feels like it’s not even moving. You sometimes think about the few things you need to do on the list stated above and you can't even get those things into action. Otherwise your mind is blank. You have no thoughts, desires, creativity, nothing. You are waiting for queues from the ppl around you. You look at yourself in the mirror and you can't remember the last time that you showered and don't want to go shower. It's way too much work. But, you feel bad, bcus you wish you kinda cared more. You think about your life before and feel deeply saddened. Your parents leave to go get their hair cut and you're alone for an hour and half. It feels like they've been gone half the day. You don't know what to do when they're gone, so you play on your phone and put on the TV. Meanwhile, you're freaking out slightly bcus you don't have anyone around and feel scared. But you even feel scared when ppl are around, bcus you don’t feel connected In your body. Your parents return. Your mom starts to make dinner and you go in the kitchen to see what you can help her with bcus you're so bored and don't know how to get thru another terrifying hour. Why is time going by so slowly….? You're thinking about wanting to die all the time, bcus this is not living. Mom asks you to cut up an onion. So you do it and then she takes care of the rest, bcus you don't know what to do. You take out plates and forks to be helpful. You eat dinner, even though you're not hungry, bcus if you don't eat, you might die. Still not feeling anything after eating, you just feel empty. You see mom and dad drinking, so you drink too. Never feeling refreshed, full, hydrated. You think about how many beverages that you've drank and count 2, so far. Mom tells you to take your antidepressant, bcus you didn't even remember, or sometimes you do and it's nice having a prompt, bcus even when you do take it, you end up asking her if you took it earlier, bcus you can't remember.

After dinner, you watch TV with your parents, whatever they're watching bcus you don't know what to watch. Or have any interest in anything. You see mom get a water and so you follow that queue and drink a water also. That’s 3 beverages that you drank today, that should keep you hydrated, perhaps. You play your game bcus there are missions and it's almost too much work to do, but you kinda just do it to pass the time and feel like you've tried to accomplish something. This is your whole existence, playing this game, which you struggle to do but don't know what else to fill the dead space in the day. It's 1100pm, bedtime now and you go to the bathroom bcus it’s the thing to do. You don’t even feel that you need to go. You put petroleum jelly on your lips, otherwise your lips will peel severely during the day. Then you go into your bed, you feel terrified still bcus you're not tired at all and scared to be alone, you don't feel comfy, or good at all in your bed. You miss being able to feel anything like you used to. The house is so quiet and so is your head. It’s vacant up there. You aren’t feeling anything. Nothing. Just feel empty and dead. Like you don’t have a soul and you don’t know how you’re actually still alive. How you can't feel, think or do anything, but somehow your body is still operating and you're breathing, how? Who the **** really knows. You always feel alert, never tired. It doesn’t feel like bedtime at all. It doesn’t even feel like nighttime. So you try texting some ppl or you play your game, until about 1or 2am. You decide you should sleep and close your eyes. Somehow you fall asleep, like a brain dead zombie. You wake up in the middle of the night after having a vivid dream, then decide to go to the bathroom. You think you should go bcus you drank a lot of liquids. But you don’t feel anything. Then back to bed. You read things on your phone for a bit, then go back to sleep. You wake up in the morning again a couple more times and do the same thing, look at your phone, read something, check your game that you really don't even care to play, but you do bcus you don’t know what else to do with yourself. You see that it’s 10am and don’t want to get up too early bcus you’re terrified about how your time perception is so screwed up, so you go back to sleep and wake around noon. Then, you wake up and the whole day repeats. Everytime you wake, you go from feeling passed out to alert. You never feel rested or good. You don’t even feel like it’s morning when you wake up. It just feels like endless time. Like there’s no separation in the days or time at all. It’s all just space. You’re just feeling like you’re dead all the time, not feeling or experiencing anything worthwhile. You have been doing this for over a year and can’t mentally live like this anymore. You just want to die. Nothing is getting better.

That's what I experience every single day. Sometimes I shower if my hair gets really greasy, or I can't remember the last time I showered, I do laundry when I run out of clean underwear and if I don't change my underwear for days, I guess I prolong the laundry time. I lose track of how many days I've worn my underwear. I go to the grocery store with my parents and just follow them around like a brain dead zombie. Or go to bingo with them and try to function. To do something enjoyable, but I never feel good, excited, happy, positive, nothing. I don’t really go anywhere anymore by myself, bcus I feel so scared and disconnected in my brain. I have to have direction to go places, otherwise I sit in the car and freak out bcus idk what to do or where to go. I usually just go from home to the doctors, then back home. I can’t think of anything else to do bcus I am so dead inside. I have no impulses, thoughts, desires, nothing. THIS IS NOT LIFE.

[Plshelp]

Has anyone recovered from antipsychotics while being on antidepressants? 

 

My pdoc says that ppl have recovered while on antidepressants. Idk how much of that I believe. 

 

I'm so disabled, I can't feel or think anything. I have been off antipsychotics since July 2017, but on antidepressants since October 2017. Nothing at all is improving. No matter what I try, nothing changes or gets better. 

[bhasski]

11 hours ago, Plshelp said:

Has anyone recovered from antipsychotics while being on antidepressants? 

 

My pdoc says that ppl have recovered while on antidepressants. Idk how much of that I believe. 

 

I'm so disabled, I can't feel or think anything. I have been off antipsychotics since July 2017, but on antidepressants since October 2017. Nothing at all is improving. No matter what I try, nothing changes or gets better. 

 

 

@Plshelp

I wish you get relief.

 

I would want you to tell this to your doctor.. if he didnt listens or do, then change the doctor.  May be you will get the medicine that brings you relief.

 

As being on SA for long, you know there is no right or wrong in these horrible drugs... some effect some while some to others... and I wish there is a doctor who knew how the drugs affects.

 

I have been trying hard to be off drugs with different  alternative distractions to trick relief... but still I am not functional.

 

Whats your mom ( parents) take when they see you like this and you tell them ?

 

[Plshelp]

On 6/9/2018 at 8:26 AM, bhasski said:

 

 

@Plshelp

I wish you get relief.

 

I would want you to tell this to your doctor.. if he didnt listens or do, then change the doctor.  May be you will get the medicine that brings you relief.

 

As being on SA for long, you know there is no right or wrong in these horrible drugs... some effect some while some to others... and I wish there is a doctor who knew how the drugs affects.

 

I have been trying hard to be off drugs with different  alternative distractions to trick relief... but still I am not functional.

 

Whats your mom ( parents) take when they see you like this and you tell them ?

 

Bhasski, 

 

Antipsychotics are what completely destroyed my brain and my life. I went onto the antidepressants bcus I couldn't handle the withdrawal and my parents were going to call the cops and have me taken back to hospital. 

 

Are you still on meds? 

 

My parents don't understand this at all. They don't understand that a medication could take someone who was healthy and turn them into a disabled person. They keep telling me to learn how to cope, move forward in life. But I can't even do simple daily things. They really don't understand. All they think is that I had an emotional breakdown - which I did, but the doctors misdiagnosed me and forced me to take antipsychotics. If I hadn't taken the drugs, I would be fine today. 

[bhasski]

12 minutes ago, Plshelp said:

Are you still on meds? 

 

No, I m not since 2.5 years.

 

People would talk what they wanted to. They won't understand until they face it.

 

You have option to keep your  reaction as minimal to their talks. 

 

Think in your mind ... " They don't know and I accept  what I am now...  " 

 

This will help you.

 

Its difficult to accept but thats the choice with you and me and others.

[Borealice]

Hey PlsHelp

 

How are you doing? 

[Plshelp]

2 hours ago, Borealice said:

Hey PlsHelp

 

How are you doing? 

Borealice, 

 

Thank you kindly for enquiring! 

I am the EXACT same, no change at all. 😢 I feel dead inside, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. I honestly am just trying to survive the minutes to get thru the day until I can sleep and escape this mental purgatory that I now exist in. 

 

Today I realized from texting a co-worker, that I should see how long my job is legally able to hold my position for me. (I used to work as a Medical Laboratory Technologist in Microbiology, getting paid $40+/hr). I have a new case manager for my workplace long term disability insurance company and I suspect they might try to decline me from continuing to receive benefits. Which I need to call them to find out what's going on, as I'm coming up to the two year entitlement breach. But they can extend my LTD, only if I am unable to work any job-which my pdoc can vouch for and so can my family GP. (I can't at this point bcus the dp/dr and poverty of thought is so bad, I don't drive anywhere and have to get my parents to transport me to my pdoc appointments). I'm trying to find a medical malpractice lawyer and go after the doctor that misdiagnosed me and the mental health system for taking away my rights. Which is proving to be quite impossible. I've contacted Health Canada and all they responded with is for me to submit a product review for the medication that I was on! Talk about helpful!

 

I have been severely disabled like this for almost 2 years now. I've been begging my pdoc to help me taper off the antidepressants, to see if I'll improve. But she thinks I will improve, even on the antidepressants(as she knows of others that have) and she wants to keep this as a baseline to measure from. Thing is, I've been on the antidepressants since October 2017 and no improvements at all have been noted. Not one. I noticed slight improvements prior to being on them, right after withdrawing from the antipsychotics, but then, the suicidal thoughts, severe depression and desperation and crying spells were too much for both myself and parents to handle, I almost ended up back in hospital. So I'm going to go beg her to help me taper with a compounding pharmacy, bcus there's no way I can count beads and weigh powder. I can't remember what number I'm on when I'm counting my pills and I have to be reminded to take them, or ask my mom if I took them. It's pretty bad. 

 

I have seen 2 neuropsychologists, underwent an array of cognitive tests, both were useless and in disbelief that the antipsychotics have caused my issues. Have recieved multiple diagnoses, none of which relate to schizophrenia, psychotic disorder, bipolar or such. They both pretty much believe that CBT, DBT therapy, mindfulness and setting SMART goals will help my situation. But I know all about those therapies and those techniques have worked for me prior to being drugged with antipsychotics against my will, they do not prove to be helpful in anyway for the post effects of antipsychotics. I'd like to ask these genius specialists and doctors... How do you meditate when your body and mind are constantly numb and blank? It's like I'm in a constant state of mindfulness! Ha! Eejits! 

 

My pdoc actually thinks I'm a high functioning autistic person, with ADD and OCD. She believes that I had a micro psychosis (which is not a true psychosis, as I was completely cohérent and knowledgeable about what was happening to me) and was grossly misdiagnosed. 

 

My apologies for the lengthy reply. Hopefully I answered your question. If you need more info, please do not hesitate to connect with me thru pm or right here. 

I did read your topic on withdrawal and will comment there. Thank you for again for requesting an update. I thought no one cared about me anymore. Xo 💜

[Iatrogenesis]

Hey Plshelp. I'm an AP survivor myself, and before I learned about what these drugs really were and that they needed to be tapered properly by stumbling across an article in one of the best English-language newspapers, I had attempted withdrawing from them 3 times, and every time it was a disaster. One psychiatrist told my friend people on APs try withdrawing quite often, I guess when there's an "improvement"  in their lives and you can't really blame them. The longest time I had been in an AP withdrawal was around a year, and all that time I was completely messed up. Indeed, the effects that the drug induces like lack of motivation, drowsiness, mental fog etc persisted and on top there was WD which really can be quite lethal.

 

The 3rd time I withdrew over 3 weeks and it completely s* me over. That time though, the drug I was on was Solian, which has a much shorter half-life which makes the withdrawal so much harder so that one felt even more lethal. The 4th time, I withdrew over 10 months and it worked. The WD symptoms I experienced throughout the process were quite mild. I did get a bout of psychosis/unreasonable suspiciousness at one point, but it passed very quickly and wasn't really dangerous at all (nobody even noticed). 

Reading the forums and all those terrible stories of damage, I consider myself lucky because I didn't even use the method recommended here (that Breggin recommends as well), 10% off the current dose every month. Well, actually I think I misread that piece of advice and just did 10% off the original dose every 2 weeks. So I guess I'm lucky, having been on APs for so long.

 

So I can really relate to your story. During my 4th withdrawal I didn't even tell my doctor what I was going to do and I feel good about it. I don't really believe these people can be helpful in any way, all they do is destroy peoples lives' and perpetuate the lies and misinformation that they were fed in the first place. They can be jerks too, sure. But since their entire careers are based around falsehood I don't really believe there's anything in their experience that could be useful to anybody. So my personal approach is I don't try to prove anything to them and I feed them BS. I can understand how painful it can be when nobody around you believes you, not even your parents. I don't think neuropsychologists would ever believe you, these are scientists with a very specific world view. They deeply believe in science, so they're probably the last people who would be willing to accept the idea of a colossal "mistake" of this sort (actually going waaay back to the 19th century's barbiturates, how the benzodiazepines were invented as a "non-addictive alternative" to them around 100 years into their career when people finally found out they were addictive as Hell is another ridiculous story).

 

So from my experience, if the APs aren't withdrawn properly, the kind of anhedonic, de-motivating state they induce can indeed continue for years. Well, for me it was a year after quitting cold-turkey during which really nothing improved at all. You have already been 2 years off them. I really hope things can improve for you gradually and your body can recover from them. On the other hand, I'm sure ADs, another poison, can't really help you much in that regard. Your doctor says ADs can help you, but since  what you're experiencing is an AP withdrawal, it's small wonder they haven't, because you can't "fix" an AP withdrawal with ADs. I myself am doing a Prozac bridge at the moment and I'm a big believer in Prozac, or rather half-life, I believe it's the most important factor influencing the success of withdrawal, because previously I'd failed a Zoloft withdrawal, but I'd taken even more time than with Olanzapine. But Zoloft's halflife is much shorter, still longer than Effexor's. So seeing as you're on Prozac yourself, I would just switch to Prozac entirely and taper off it so you can take less time and feel fewer WD symptoms. That being said, Prozac can be quite disruptive, too.

 

About you waking up several times a night - I do too, and while it can be an effect from Prozac (if you google it, a lot of people have this problem), I feel like in my case it's connected to akathisia, or the tension in my body that APs are certainly prone to induce. That's because after my 3rd withdrawal from Solian, that had made me incredibly akathisiac, I tried reinstating it but it started doing the same thing that Prozac does to me now at that point so I decided to switch to Olanzapine. Prozac induces considerably more tension and akathisia in me than Zoloft, so I believe that years of taking APs have exacerbated the akathisia/tension problem and being quite sensitive to this now, drugs like Prozac or Solian that make me particularly tense only now make me wake up several times a night.

 

Other than that, I guess another thing to try would be, when you have successfully withdrawn Prozac (or Prozac/Effexor), reinstating Olanzapine and trying to taper it longer. If you say the effects of it still persist and you feel pretty much no difference from the time you were taking it, all the more reason to try it out. I don't know. Because the addictiveness of these drugs is something that we (humans) know next to nothing about (or much else about them, for that matter) because the pharmaceutical corporations haven't financed a study on how addictive they are and they are the only actors that finance studies and clinical trials (and because this seems to be such an individual thing), the question is really how long it could possibly take for you to return to your previous state if you didn't reinstate. The only thing we can be sure of is that tapering these drugs correctly just makes an enormous difference and it can be the difference between life and death. I hope the best for you.

 

(About your Pdoc thinking you have ADD - I believe that's common with people who take APs, because of the tension and akathisia they induce over time - or straight away. So I have seen people being later on prescribed drugs for ADD, but not legal amphetamine, because the doctors think it can exacerbate psychosis in people whose psychosis is WD induced, so they give them norepinephrine altering drugs instead).

 

[Plshelp]

Hello fellow SA members! 

 

I am curious to know if anyone has come off antipsychotics and gone onto antidepressants and recovered from antipsychotics? My pdoc says that she's had ppl recover in this situation, but I'm in disbelief. 

 

Any comments and info would be greatly appreciated. 

 

Thank you! Xo

[Borealice]

Hi pls help. Thank you for the benzo wise list and beautiful words you posted on my intro. How are you feeling? A little better I hope! 

[Shane88L]

Hi Plshelp,

 

How are you doing now? 
Any signs of improvement?

I hope you're feeling better, as this pain is simply incomprehensible. 

 

[Plshelp]

17 hours ago, Shane88L said:

Hi Plshelp,

 

How are you doing now? 
Any signs of improvement?

I hope you're feeling better, as this pain is simply incomprehensible. 

 

Shane, 

 

I am 17 months off antipsychotics. Tapering one of the antidepressants that I'm on. No improvements at all. Nothing. Experiencing slight withdrawals from the Effexor. 

 

Had a QEEG done in October. It said that I had ADD, but my prefrontal, frontal and central cortex of my brain are not working. The doctor said my results correlate to someone who has had a chemical lobotomy. Funny - bcus that's exactly what Dr. Peter Breggin preaches about these drugs. He's also very concerned about the blood flow in those regions and possible atrophy. He suggested I get a SPECT scan - but they're all located in the USA and I have major transportation difficulties. 

 

I'm on LTD until March 20, 2019 and my job is being held with my workplace insurance company. But I cannot function. I think I might lose my career bcus of these effing doctors! 

 

Honestly - everything that made life beautiful and worth living has been stripped from my soul. I'm fighting for my life every single second of the day. This is not life. This is like having a form of mental quadriplegia. That's the best way I can explain it. 

 

Sorry that I don't have any better news. I'm thinking of contacting Dr. Raymond Singer and seeing if he can diagnose me with neurotoxicity. 

 

I've also tried to contact lawyers for assistance and they've all denied my claim. It sucks having found one pdoc that admits I have brain damage from these drugs, but there's nothing anyone can do. I'm suffering every second and my career and my life that I worked so hard for is game over. 

 

I live with my parents bcus there are no care facilities that can accommodate me based on my severe disabilities and my age. I think I'm going to have to apply for government financial assistance. This is so ridiculous - as I was a highly functioning Medical professional working full time making over $40/hr. Now I'm pretty much an invalid. WTG Hippocratic oath! Do no harm? Right! 

[FarmGirlWorks]

26 minutes ago, Plshelp said:

This is like having a form of mental quadriplegia.

That is such a perfect term for it. I am so so sorry for everything you're going thru 😞

[powerback]

26 minutes ago, Plshelp said:

Honestly - everything that made life beautiful and worth living has been stripped from my soul. I'm fighting for my life every single second of the day. This is not life. This is like having a form of mental quadriplegia. That's the best way I can explain it. 

This very true Plshelp ,I empathise deeply ,im fighting strongly lately against myself . 

 

Oct 2017 - Present Effexor 37.5mg and Prozac 10mg .your sig 

 

Ive just done a 13 day switch to Prozac because I believe I was in bits on venlafaxine ,I didnt know you could be on 2 meds for this period of time.

Is there a chance one of them is paradoxical to you  .I believe venlafaxine  was for me .just thought ide put the question out there .sure what do I know ,god knows what pain im in for in the next few months so we will see .

Take care🙏 . 

[Shane88L]

3 hours ago, Plshelp said:

Had a QEEG done in October. It said that I had ADD, but my prefrontal, frontal and central cortex of my brain are not working. The doctor said my results correlate to someone who has had a chemical lobotomy. Funny - bcus that's exactly what Dr. Peter Breggin preaches about these drugs. He's also very concerned about the blood flow in those regions and possible atrophy. He suggested I get a SPECT scan - but they're all located in the USA and I have major transportation difficulties. 

Has the brain scan revealed that your chemical receptors in those brain regions are permanently damaged? Perhaps they can be restored? I've heard that term "chemical lobotomy" used before when talking about withdrawal from AP/ADs... I believe though, that the brain will heal. What is required is an environment that has positivity, and people who love you, understand and support you. I've read that stress atrophies the brain, and people with trauma have physically altered brains. How is your lifestyle now, if you don't mind me asking? I'm struggling with my withdrawals from Olanzapine (was on 2,5mg for over 3 and a half weeks), and it has been over 3 months of much like what you describe, for me...

[Altostrata]

5 hours ago, Plshelp said:

Had a QEEG done in October. It said that I had ADD, but my prefrontal, frontal and central cortex of my brain are not working. The doctor said my results correlate to someone who has had a chemical lobotomy.

 

Please do not take this seriously, and don't go to any trouble for a SPECT scan. These scans are worthless for diagnosis of ADD, etc.

 

For what reasons have you been taking antipsychotics for years?

 

Do your current symptoms follow any daily pattern?  Have they gotten worse as you've been tapering Effexor? What are the symptoms you attribute to Effexor withdrawal?

 

Please stop tapering for now.

 

Please keep daily notes on paper about your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages. Use a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom, drug and dosage) on the right.

[ChessieCat]

This is an example:

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

 

[Plshelp]

12 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

That is such a perfect term for it. I am so so sorry for everything you're going thru 😞

FarmGirlWorks,

 

Thank you for your kindness and empathy. No need to apologize. These doctors and Big Pharma need to be stopped. But-I don't believe it'll ever happen. 

 

It is a perfect term - thank you! 

 

Good luck with your battle! Xo ❤️

[Shane88L]

Hi Plshelp,

 

Just checking in to see how you're doing these days?

I hope you're finding things easier.

Best wishes,

 

Shane.

[Plshelp]

1 hour ago, Shane88L said:

Hi Plshelp,

 

Just checking in to see how you're doing these days?

I hope you're finding things easier.

Best wishes,

 

Shane.

Shane, 

Thanks for your inquiry. 

I have just been released from hospital again for the 2nd time in the last 3 months. They have taken me off all antipsychotics and antidepressants. Changed my diagnosis to borderline personality disorder and recommended that I attend day hospital for a outpatient program with a psychiatrist and psychologist team. I'm still struggling to function, but I'm more able to do things on my own, but I'm far from feeling like myself at all. I still feel dead inside on many levels. 

 

Thanks for asking, I hope that you're doing well. Namaste. 

[Shane88L]

I hope you have loving support to help you during the hardship. You deserve all the love and support in the world.