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☼ Kiaza: 10 years of Citalopram


Kiaza

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Hey! I was 15 when I was put on Sepram (citalopram) due to depression (what I had that time was an eating disorder and guess I was depressed because of that) Anywho I ate Sepram until I was 24 on various dosages from 10-40mgs. I remember that often times when I was a teenager I'd just crash and get depression from nothing (now I realize that it was because I sometimes forgot to take my meds). I was 22 when I first unsuccesfully quit medication since I was feeling really well. I was going to university in a new town back then. Had a lot of new things going on. Well I survived for three months and then I crashed and burned. I had terrible anxiety and insommia and was tired as hell. I didn't know I was in withdrawal. I had quit my medication from 20mgs to 0 in two months as my pdoc had instructed (waaay too fast, now I know that, and it was really stupid to quit them in a period where a lot of changes happened in my life). I came back home to my parents as I was unable to function. I went to see my psychiatrist and got back on meds. I wonder why she didn't say to me that I was withdrawing and I really really must take things easy, she propably didn't know about SSRI withdrawal. I was in overdrive, I thought I had gone insane, it didn't occur to me that maybe the medication is doing all of this, it was like I had completely forgotten how my mind usually works.

 

I got myself a job cause I thought that I must do something and not just be. I went to work after 4 months of doing nothing but pilates and qi qong and eating avocados. Everything was relatively fine though I had pretty bad anxiety and some racing thoughts and insomnia and my stress tolerance was bad. At some point I got tired and a bit depressed again and pdoc upped my dosage to 40mg. I got in to college again. I began to taper my meds again in a six month period (again way too fast). I was feeling quite low all the time, I had no motivation and everything felt futile and my condidence fell. I was a bit angry for no reason. My studies didn't go as fast I would have liked cause I was bit lethargic. I somehow managed with my low moods and anxiety.

 

By summer 2015 I was energetic and I could FEEL. I hadn't really felt anything but anxiety and depression for years. I was interested with being around my friends. I was working fulltime and doing university exams at the same time. I was genuinenly interested in different things and life in general. I bicycled 20kms everyday and was riding almost everyday. I felt that I was ME after so many years of feeling weird. I had had social anxiety on and off during my medication, and I have gotten stressed easily.

 

Then in the middle of the Summer 2015 i began to go on overdrive. I was hostile towards my parents. I had a met guy I got a crush on and I was mean to him and I wasnt myself. I was erratic but also very stressed and worried about everything. But I was so full of energy that I was unable to listen to me and my body. I had bad insomnia but I could go on and on without sleep. By the end of summer my new fling ended. I couldn't deal with it like normal people do as I was deep in withdrawing. My sense of security vanished. I tried to continue my studies. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat and my body couldn't hold liquid anymore. I was aggressive all the time. As studying proved to be impossible because I was unable to concentrate i tried just working.

 

In October 2015 I started getting paranoid, I had intrusive and obsessive thoughts, I began to hate myself and felt that I'm no good and I don't deserve to live, I didn't sleep at all. I had stopped exercising in September 2015 cause I simply just couldn't do it any longer. My mother tried to get me to stretch my body and do a little pilates but I couldn't do it because I was so tense all the time. My muscles were sore and I was hurting all the time, I saw nothing but black and grey. I saw my psychiatrist few times and explained my symptoms to her but couldn't get any help except Xanax which I ate like candy. I deteriorated more and more as my insomnia grew worse. I was agitated and restless all the time, barely could walk and shivered like a leaf. My parents had no idea what to do with me. Thank god I had come back home to them when I started going nuts. I had arrythmias but I was so messed up that it didn't occur to me to go see a doctor. I had suicidal thoughts all the time. My mother couldn't leave from my side for a second.

 

In January 2016 I could feel something zap in my brain, all of my emotions vanished. In the end my insomnia and mental state went so bad that I tried to kill myself. I was admitted to hospital and stayed there for a couple of days, somehow went back to work for a few days (I had tried to kill myself, who would go to work after that? ME). In march 2016 I tried to kill myself again with 3,8grams of propranolol. My life was hanging by a thread as my heat rate dropped too low. Again to hospital where I was put on Lyrica, Suprium, Tenox, Sepram again and Abilify. I was in the hospital for a month and when I got out I quit all medication.

 

Now I live in a nursing home. They want me to do a bit of work and I have done some stable job few times a week. I get scared and stressed out easily. I have crying spells and sometimes I have dyskinesia and stiff neck and I find it hard to speak. Sometimes I vomit and have diarrhea and I'm fatigued. I have almost constant vertigo and inner emotional turmoil. I tried to eat different vitamins but my body couldn't handle them. Now I eat D vitamin and that is something my body can tolerate. when I exercise I begin to feel really weird and I bloat. I have had brain MRI, everything is fine. My bloodwork is fine. I have always been in good condition and exercised a lot but now I have zero muscle and it feels like my body can't build any muscle.

 

I rarely see any dreams and if I do they are usually nightmares. I feel that my brain isn't working properly. I get this huge pressure in my head when i'm in a situation where I'd usually feel strong emotions but no emotional reaction comes out of me. I can't tolerate too much noise and some days I get irritated very very easily. Sometimes I sweat profusely and my sweat smells really bad. My sexuality is gone and I have no need to see my friends. Sometimes after exercising I get this window of wanting to see my friends and hug my parents and be close to them. I really don't like to be around people because they remind me of what i used to be.

 

I was a talented rider, well I still am but it doesn't feel the same because now I get easily scared as I am riding. I feel very traumatized by all of this. My body triggers from almost nothing. I shiver and shake several times a day. I feel that I'm very very vulnerable and can collapse in any minute if i get too stressed. Sometimes I get an urge to kill someone. When I pet my dog I feel like killing her though I know I love her. I have suicidal thoughts, especially around people. I often want to (self harm - graphic language removed jch). I would really like to go to live at our summer cottage with my parents and just heal and hope some day I'll recover. What is the most devastating thing to me is that I have lost my creativity and I have lost myself, the spark inside of me, the thing that made me me. I have no goals left anymore except to stay alive.

 

I know I have been stupid quitting my medication without tapering long enough and I have been stupid to strain my body as I have clearly been sick beyond measure but still tried to pull through and do my responsibilities. But I do feel that I have been ruined by psychiatry since I was put on meds at such a young age. Me and my parents were told that these meds are safe and won't do any harm and that it's safe to eat them indefinitely. I trusted what the doctor said. It never occurred to me that maybe my anxiety was the product of the meds. I had zero anxiety as a teenager but steadily during my adult years my anxiety has increased. I am very very thankful that I have parents who are willing to take care of me as long as it is needed. They hate to see me suffering, this is very hard on them. And it is very hard for me that they have to go through this with me. I really really hope that maybe after two or three years my body is healed and I can tolerate normal life again.

Edited by scallywag
tags; previous edit added paragraph breaks and remove graphic language

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Kiaza -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)

 

I'm sorry that you are in the position that you had to search for information about neuro-psychiatric medications and their effects, but am glad that you found us. It should be criminal that so many young people -- children and teens -- have been prescribed medications that were not developed for children and teens and have never been rigourously scientifically tested on them.

 

Indeed you are fortunate that your parents are supportive and patient about what you're experiencing.

 

Are you getting any support or services to develop non-drug techniques to cope with the symptoms caused by the medication?  You may find some helpful ideas in these discussion topics:

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms.

The Dr. Claire Weekes Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System -- many people find this helpful for anxiety

 

Can you do any gentle exercise, even for a short period -- 5 or 10 minutes? Yoga, walking, stretching?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Hey! Yes I can do some exercise. Actually I can ride one horse a day and do physical work though i get tired easily and have to take a week rest sometimes. I have psychophysical therapy, breathing exercises and TRE movements. My therapist is specialized in trauma and she has good advices how to relax myself. Sometimes I just get so agitated that nothing helps, my CNS just goes nuts and there is nothing I can do about it. I have been extremely sensitive ever since I was a baby so this has been really difficult and traumatizing for me.

 

I have improved a lot since last year when I couldn't even go outside and was crying constantly. This year I have been on a skiing trip and survived it though I was certain I couldn't handle it. Some days are extremely bad and some days are better. One step forward a.d 1,5 back but still getting better.

 

Thankfully I have time to heal, no rush to continue my studies and enter back in to work life. I have times when I cry why did I do this to myself, why did I take those meds and why didn't I taper much slower. Sometimes I feel I want to sleep for the rest of my life but I guess I'm so young that I will heal from this. The toll that this has taken on my social life and relationships is beyond repair and it is the hardest thing to accept. But nothing we can do about so just have to keep on going right?

Edited by scallywag
paragraph breaks

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Yes, sad as it often is, what is done is done. We made the best decisions we could (or our parents did) with the knowledge we had at the time. Your attitude is a great one -- focus on now and the future!

 

Keep posting to let us know how you're doing. :)

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Been feeling quite bad for couple of days since I quit eating a very low dose of mirtazapine for sleeping. I'm starting a new diet to clean my body (it is in horrible state). I'm thinking of spending the summer swimming everyday, I guess swimming might be good for to soothe the nervous system. Still feeling hopeless that I won't recover to be a functioning human being. Being with my mom helps me a lot since I know that she loves me unconditionally. I hope everyone here has a family who takes care of them!

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello Kiaza,

 

Gradually things will start to improve (even if slower than we'd like).  Be careful with your new diet - gentle changes are usually handled better by bodies which are already under stress. 

 

Good idea about swimming - such a soothing thing to do.  Even just floating on your back can work wonders, if you get tired of actual swimming. 

 

What was the actual dose of mirtazapine you were taking before you stopped?  It is a drug that needs gradual tapering:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5301-tips-for-tapering-off-mirtazapine-remeron/

 

Karen

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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I was on 7,5mg. Maybe should have tapered it, I ate it for a year. Actually pdoc said that it's okay to quit, dunno about that. I think my doc doesn't take my symptoms seriously

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Well, there's two options.  If it's only been a few days since stopping the mirtazapine then you could start taking it again at the 7.5mg.  Then when things are settled you could begin to taper slowly. 

 

Otherwise you can continue to wait and see how things pan out.  Personally I'd opt for reinstating, but it depends really on how you are coping with things (although they may get worse before getting better).  It's a bit hard to know. 

 

In light of this I'd definitely not make big diet changes right now. 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Yesterday I was doing stable work and learning new stuff with horses. I was shaking all the time at first but that light exercise helped me a bit. I got back to my nursing home with my mom. I was so angry. We discussed about my symptoms with a nurse, she is convinced that my tremors and shakes and vomiting is just psychosomatic and not caused by the meds. I could have killed her there. I am a calm person by nature but years of meds have made me angry and almost violent. Sometimes I feel that I'm in hell. I have tried to explain to my mom how horrible it feels that you are not yourself and propably have not been in years. She tries to understand but doesn't get it and no one here in nursing home surely doesn't get it.

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Have the 'tremors, shaking and vomiting' started since you stopped the mirtazapine? 

 

I well remember when I first started coming off antidepressants way too fast, I felt SO angry!  Tremors and shakes are also very common.  How often do you vomit?  And for how long has that been happening?  Just trying to see if these symptoms are associated with stopping mirtazapine. 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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I began to vomit over a year ago, it stayed away for a while. When I quit mirtazapine I began to vomit several times a day

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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As I obviously tapered Sepram way too quickly and had other meds put in to me I sometimes feel very hopeless.. that my body and brain have been permanently destroyed. I know it isn't so but this feels very very hard as I have no idea hoe long this will take. I get triggered even going to the grocery store. What should I do? Try to function and just go through with it no matter how bad I feel physically? I've been diagnosed with dissociative disorder due to psychological trauma but I think I've been traumatized by withdrawal and not by any relationship or other issues. I have been taken away control of my own life and am under psychiatric supervision and it stresses me out! It took a year for me to figure out that I've been maimed by drugs and not by a mental illness. I was so out of my mind from quitting different drugs that I was a lunatic for a year and now my ability to think a little bit more clearly has returned

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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And I feel my dopamine isn't working at all. I don't get pleasure from anything. Sometimes touching my parents feels good. This is like buried alive...

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Kiaza, how long exactly since you quite the mirtazapine?  I really think that if your vomiting increased to several times a day when you stopped it, that reinstating could be a good option for you.  Your system is so sensitive that it isn't handling the sudden change. 

 

When we know exactly how long you've been off it, then we can suggest what dose to reinstate - if that's what you choose to do. 

 

(Also, could you add the mirt start and end dates into your signature - it's a pretty important piece of information.  Thanks.) 

 

I just read through your thread from the start - I'm so sorry the drugs and their suppliers have caused you such trauma.  I have to go now, but I'll write more soon.  In a nutshell - after all the reading I've done, and what I've seen here on SA, I fully believe people can and do heal.  And that includes you.  The path can be slow, but it'll happen.

 

Talk soon,

Karen

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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It was about three weeks ago. Can't remember the exact date. My diet has been quite horrible for a while so it doesn't help at all. I feel like I've had a 24/7 hangover for a year now.

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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P.s. I really appreciate your support! It's very difficult that even medical professionals don't know how to help, or don't even believe in this.

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Kiaza, would you put approximate dates in your signature? For example:

 

mirtazapine (Sepram) ___ mg, stopped "cold turkey" mid-April 2017

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Hi Kiaza!

 

Just thought I would chime in with love and support. We are all on this journey together, and we will reach the destination of healing.

 

Share some of what you are doing with your diet changes. I know that eating a cleaner diet has helped me immensely.

 

I avoid rice pretty much completely (which is hard, because my wife and daughter use it as a staple at home, and my wife cooks it with onions and spices and the whole house smells so yummy!). I had started avoiding rice because I am pre-diabetic. It can mess with your blood sugar, which can be a no-no for AD withdrawal also.

 

I also try to avoid pasta, but that is very hard and I sometimes do not do a good job of it. It can also mess with blood sugar.

 

Protein is key in withdrawal recovery. The amino acid composition of chicken, turkey, and beef helps promote neurotransmitter health. Just stay away from frying your protein or bathing it in sauces!

 

Vitamin C-rich foods are also very important. They help the immune system and adrenals heal.

 

The thing I miss the most are sweets. I have found that when I give into my cravings for dessert, I pay for it dearly the next day.

 

So what are you doing on the food changes front?

 

SJ
 

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

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Well I'm definitely quitting wheat and sweets. I have always eaten quite healthy but since my withdrawal started I somehow got addicted to sugar. Avocado is very good for me. My body is wrecked and has too much acid in it so I'm starting to eat just veggies and fruits and clean meat. I feel terrible all the time..

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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Magnesium makes me vomit though it would be good for me

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

Link to comment

Magnesium makes me vomit though it would be good for me

 

What type of magnesium have you tried? What dose? What time of day? Empty stomach or with a meal?

 

SJ

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

H Kiaza, I just checked in with the other mods, and we think that if you would like to try reinstating mirtazapine that 2.5mg would be a reasonable dose to try.  What are your thoughts on this?:  Or are the withdrawal symptoms abating somewhat anyway? 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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H Kiaza, I just checked in with the other mods, and we think that if you would like to try reinstating mirtazapine that 2.5mg would be a reasonable dose to try. What are your thoughts on this?: Or are the withdrawal symptoms abating somewhat anyway?

My symptoms are a little bit better. I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and told her that I think I got a reaction from quitting mirtazapine. She said that it's impossible since it was such a low dosage. I've been having sleeping problems, and when I do sleep my sleep is very shallow. Doctor prescribed Tenox for sleeping, I will not take them. I'm losing my faith with doctors. I mostly lay on bed now since I'm so tired from all the tremors and shakes. It's been 1,5 years of mostly resting for me now, will it ever end?

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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  • Moderator Emeritus

It will end.  You're on the path heading towards things being a lot better - the difficulty is in how long the path is.  But you're getting there. 

 

Unfortunately your doctor doesn't seem to know much about tapering - even a low dose of a drug makes changes in a person's brain, and the brain needs time to adapt back slowly. 

 

Your thoughts on reinstating?  I still think it's a better option than riding it out, though there are no gaurantees of course. 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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It will end. You're on the path heading towards things being a lot better - the difficulty is in how long the path is. But you're getting there.

 

Unfortunately your doctor doesn't seem to know much about tapering - even a low dose of a drug makes changes in a person's brain, and the brain needs time to adapt back slowly.

 

Your thoughts on reinstating? I still think it's a better option than riding it out, though there are no gaurantees of course.

I think I will ride it out. This whole experience has been very very hard and it is still going on. When the withdrawal really started I could just feel my brain totally frying, zap zap zap. Felt like some blood vessels or neurons just died in my brain. And the whole ordeal in hospital where they put more meds in me though I was already confused as hell and could barely see anything. I feel a lot of pressure in my head from time to time and when I cry it doesn't feel natural. I can't feel it in my body and it feels like the crying doesn't go "through" my brain, very hard to explain. And I am not me. I am not this trembling confused and disoriented little blob who is afraid of everything and is not able to take care of herself. Do you think neurologist might help? I feel that I have some serious brain damage. All I want is to be some place quiet with my family to heal but instead I'm under psychiatric supervision. And I am so afraid of emotions. Everything that stirs some emotions in me makes me go nuts. I am also convinced that my liver and other organs are destroyed completely.

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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Hi Kiaza,

 

I cannot imagine what you are going through. Just stay positive, it has to get better. I went to a neurologist last year and after testing my memory wanted me to take a mri and/or EEG since it was quite poor. I opted for the EEG and they found nothing. I am going to see him again this year. I am still deciding on doing a mri since it is extremely expensive and I am not on a medical aid. If you can afford it, maybe you should go for a scan. Maybe they might be able to see abnormalities. Good luck. Stay positive.

Fluoxetine: 6 years to 2006: tremors, depression, brain fog and smelly sweat. 

Tapered (probably too quickly): original symptoms of disease in overdrive, memory very bad, headaches, could not concentrate,

panic attacks and depression. 

Went for short while on Cipralex (cannot remember details)

Went back onto fluoxetine 40 mg. 

9 years on 40 mg, also for a short while on 60 mg in the last year, but got headaches, so moved back to 40 mg. 

Struggle to learn, slow of comprehension, depressed, panic attacks, bad short and long term memory, agitation, hatred. Visual disturbances. 

2015-06: 20 mg fluoxetine

2016-05: 8 months 20 mg every second day

2017-01: 1 month 20 mg every third day

2017-02-01: Stopped all together: struggle to think, solve problems, memory very bad, panic attacks, emotions rollercoaster and feel depressed. 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

What we usually find is that when people get tests done, they come back saying nothing is wrong (such as Hopeful reported above).  You can do it if it eases your mind of course.  My husband (also in w/d) was worried about his kidneys so he got tests done, and everything is fine.  Sometimes a test can help to give us some relief. 

 

Have you read the Neuro Emotions thread?  It may explain much of what you are experiencing.

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Having bad brain zaps, my body constantly lives in the past, I feel really bad. almost two years of constant sleeping, vomiting, diarrhea, nightmares. I think a lot about the past mistakes. I fear I might not ever rehabilitate from this trauma. God this is awful... any tips how to deal with this? There's this severely traumatized little girl inside my body

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus
There's this severely traumatized little girl inside my body

 

And she is the key.  Picture what you'd do if you saw a mistreated little girl down the street.  She's scared, in a lot of pain, unsure who to trust, and will have to spend quite a while healing.  As the adult you can offer her comfort and reassurance.  You can start by treating her (and by extension yourself) with the gentlest care.  Talk to her, explain that yes harm has been done but now you the adult are making sure that you are on a healing path.  Read up about brain healing and neuro-plasticity, and let that little girl know that you're learning about what will make things better - that you are NOT permanently damaged - that you are in the same boat as many others, and that you will heal.  

 

Brain Healing

What is Withdrawal Syndrome?

Non-Drug Techniques read through all the links in there, there's a lot of good stuff about acceptance and mindfulness etc.  It's all a major part of getting through this.

Neuro-plasticity and more neuro plasticity

 

Focus on the simplest forms of care - when you wake up in the morning, take your time.  Look out the window for a few minutes, prepare a nourishing breakfast.  When you feel sick, get a cool flannel and gently lay it on your forehead.  Allow yourself the time that good care takes.  That little girl (you) is worth it. 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

Link to comment

 

There's this severely traumatized little girl inside my body

And she is the key. Picture what you'd do if you saw a mistreated little girl down the street. She's scared, in a lot of pain, unsure who to trust, and will have to spend quite a while healing. As the adult you can offer her comfort and reassurance. You can start by treating her (and by extension yourself) with the gentlest care. Talk to her, explain that yes harm has been done but now you the adult are making sure that you are on a healing path. Read up about brain healing and neuro-plasticity, and let that little girl know that you're learning about what will make things better - that you are NOT permanently damaged - that you are in the same boat as many others, and that you will heal.

 

Brain Healing

What is Withdrawal Syndrome?

Non-Drug Techniques read through all the links in there, there's a lot of good stuff about acceptance and mindfulness etc. It's all a major part of getting through this.

Neuro-plasticity and more neuro plasticity

 

Focus on the simplest forms of care - when you wake up in the morning, take your time. Look out the window for a few minutes, prepare a nourishing breakfast. When you feel sick, get a cool flannel and gently lay it on your forehead. Allow yourself the time that good care takes. That little girl (you) is worth it.

 

Thank you so much for your words. Truly means a lot to me. I want to feel hope but I'm bit of scared to feel it

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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  • Moderator

Hey Kiaza - 

 

Could you please add the dosage of Mirtazapine (7.5mg )   to your signature?  And if you have reinstated, could you please put your reinstatement dose there, too?

 

I am so sorry to hear what happened to you, and it happened at such a delicate time in your life - when you will still forming as an adolescent, and trying to learn how to become and adult, and what you need to survive in our challenging world.

 

Basically, your job now will be to "grow up" - to honor the girl who got drugged - and teach her/yourself what you need to survive, and how you want to be as a fully fledged adult.  And it's so hard, when the drugs have wreaked so much havoc on your body, brain, and nervous system.

 

It sounds like you are very good at listening to your body, and have a few tools like horses and gentle exercise to help you through the rough times.  You even have some work to do, so that you can be productive.  That's a huge challenge and support!  It also sounds like you are well supported - like your parents understand what has happened to you, and you have a few practitioners to help you through.  These bode very well for your healing.  Be patient and kind with yourself, and it's okay to be a little selfish while you are healing - to ask for what you need, to rest when you need.  You are already learning and practicing that - which is awesome!

 

It just takes time.  Especially - consider - you were on the drugs for 15 years.  It probably won't take that long to heal - but it will take more than a year.

 

 I've been diagnosed with dissociative disorder due to psychological trauma but I think I've been traumatized by withdrawal and not by any relationship or other issues.

 

 

Diagnosis is not what will help you heal.  Dissociation is common in withdrawal, see here:  Derealization and Depersonalization

 

And yes, the trauma of drugs and drug withdrawal is a valid issue:  https://beyondmeds.com/2012/04/25/psychdrugsagentoftrauma/

 

When I quit mirtazapine I began to vomit several times a day 

 

 

This is a sign of withdrawal from mirtazapine.  While it is, supposedly, gentler than others - it can still pack a punch to withdraw from, and we have several people tapering it.  

 

How well are you sleeping?

 

 

Magnesium makes me vomit though it would be good for me 

 

 

 
 

 

Some of us cannot take magnesium orally, or - there are different types of magnesium.  Some are indigestible (like magnesium oxide), some cause digestive problems (magnesium citrate - though some people do well on them), and some are easier to digest, and better absorbed.  Learn more about Magnesium here.  

 

Additionally, some people cannot take magnesium by mouth at all, and use magnesium chloride oil, or bath salts - Epsom salts, or magnesium chloride flakes.  I love my magnesium soaks!  It helps so much with pain and tension!  Epsom Salts - Another Way to Relax with Magnesium

 

Additionally, you may be helped by fish oil, or by eating cold water fish 2-3 times a week:  Omega-3 fish oil

 

I agree with KarenB, and disagree with your psychiatrist about mirtazapine.  

 

If you are having brain zaps, it will be helpful for you to reinstate.  2.5 mg sounds very good for trying to alleviate symptoms.

 

What your psychiatrist doesn't understand, is that you are not taking the drug for a psychiatric effect - you are taking it to stop withdrawal effects.  So a tiny dose can be very helpful.

 

Please, these drugs have long effects afterwards, and a Delayed Onset of Withdrawal Symptoms.  So changes you made in April (CT mirtazapine) might not be at their worst until 6 months from now.

 

Given:  Your fast tapers, your CT's, and the number of drug switches you have had, combined with the number of long years you have been on the drugs - and that those years are formative years, the time when you are creating an adult.  

 

These factors mean that you may be "kindled," hypersensitive to changes in the drug, and might need to take this last one a lot slower.

 

I think it is better to be safe.  Wouldn't it be better to have 3 years of fewer symptoms, than 1 year of bad suffering?

 

Please consider a small reinstatement of mirtazapine.  It is available in a liquid, which makes it easier to taper - or - we can help you make your own liquid. (we'll tell you more when you are ready)

I hope you see the sun today!

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

Link to comment

Hey Kiaza -

 

Could you please add the dosage of Mirtazapine (7.5mg ) to your signature? And if you have reinstated, could you please put your reinstatement dose there, too?

 

I am so sorry to hear what happened to you, and it happened at such a delicate time in your life - when you will still forming as an adolescent, and trying to learn how to become and adult, and what you need to survive in our challenging world.

 

Basically, your job now will be to "grow up" - to honor the girl who got drugged - and teach her/yourself what you need to survive, and how you want to be as a fully fledged adult. And it's so hard, when the drugs have wreaked so much havoc on your body, brain, and nervous system.

 

It sounds like you are very good at listening to your body, and have a few tools like horses and gentle exercise to help you through the rough times. You even have some work to do, so that you can be productive. That's a huge challenge and support! It also sounds like you are well supported - like your parents understand what has happened to you, and you have a few practitioners to help you through. These bode very well for your healing. Be patient and kind with yourself, and it's okay to be a little selfish while you are healing - to ask for what you need, to rest when you need. You are already learning and practicing that - which is awesome!

 

It just takes time. Especially - consider - you were on the drugs for 15 years. It probably won't take that long to heal - but it will take more than a year.

 

I've been diagnosed with dissociative disorder due to psychological trauma but I think I've been traumatized by withdrawal and not by any relationship or other issues.

 

Diagnosis is not what will help you heal. Dissociation is common in withdrawal, see here: Derealization and Depersonalization

 

And yes, the trauma of drugs and drug withdrawal is a valid issue: https://beyondmeds.com/2012/04/25/psychdrugsagentoftrauma/

When I quit mirtazapine I began to vomit several times a day

 

This is a sign of withdrawal from mirtazapine. While it is, supposedly, gentler than others - it can still pack a punch to withdraw from, and we have several people tapering it.

 

How well are you sleeping?

Magnesium makes me vomit though it would be good for me

 

 

 

 

Some of us cannot take magnesium orally, or - there are different types of magnesium. Some are indigestible (like magnesium oxide), some cause digestive problems (magnesium citrate - though some people do well on them), and some are easier to digest, and better absorbed. Learn more about Magnesium here.

 

Additionally, some people cannot take magnesium by mouth at all, and use magnesium chloride oil, or bath salts - Epsom salts, or magnesium chloride flakes. I love my magnesium soaks! It helps so much with pain and tension! Epsom Salts - Another Way to Relax with Magnesium

 

Additionally, you may be helped by fish oil, or by eating cold water fish 2-3 times a week: Omega-3 fish oil

 

I agree with KarenB, and disagree with your psychiatrist about mirtazapine.

 

If you are having brain zaps, it will be helpful for you to reinstate. 2.5 mg sounds very good for trying to alleviate symptoms.

 

What your psychiatrist doesn't understand, is that you are not taking the drug for a psychiatric effect - you are taking it to stop withdrawal effects. So a tiny dose can be very helpful.

 

Please, these drugs have long effects afterwards, and a Delayed Onset of Withdrawal Symptoms. So changes you made in April (CT mirtazapine) might not be at their worst until 6 months from now.

 

Given: Your fast tapers, your CT's, and the number of drug switches you have had, combined with the number of long years you have been on the drugs - and that those years are formative years, the time when you are creating an adult.

 

These factors mean that you may be "kindled," hypersensitive to changes in the drug, and might need to take this last one a lot slower.

 

I think it is better to be safe. Wouldn't it be better to have 3 years of fewer symptoms, than 1 year of bad suffering?

 

Please consider a small reinstatement of mirtazapine. It is available in a liquid, which makes it easier to taper - or - we can help you make your own liquid. (we'll tell you more when you are ready)

 

I hope you see the sun today!

I haven't reinstated it. Nausea is better now. There's tingling sensations in my extremeties, parts of my body feel burning, my skin feels like wax and I have very little sensation in my skin, though I get windows of feeling. Past runs in my mind a lot. I was in really really bad condition when the withdrawal hit full force, couldn't do anything else except sob like a little baby and be 24/7 close to my mom. Body twists and jerks and I have uncontrollable movements. Therapist says that it is my body's way of getting the trauma and feelings away from my body, I think so too. My body is so full of emotional energy from so many years that have been dampened by depression medicatio n. Now the general feeling is very flat. PSSD is still horrible, but I don't care about that. I've been few times in a physioacustic chair and it has relaxed me. Some days I feel much much better and some days I don't, but not as nearly as bad than in the beginning so I have been going forward. I still have very little inteterest in social interaction but it is allright

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

Link to comment

I'm seeing a neurologist next week. I'm having hearing disturbances and seeing double. I fell to the floor yesterday legs twitching, my hands make involuntary movements.

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Glad you are seeing a specialist Kiaza.  Get them to check out all the symptoms you are having - it sounds like it may be more than plain 'ole withdrawal.  Let us know how it goes. 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

Link to comment

Hi Kiaza,

 

I just read through your thread. I am sorry that you have been unessessarly put through this ordeal. I have a teenage daughter and I can't understand why doctors prescribe AD'S to teenagers? ?

 

It makes me really angry. Why is such practice allowed?

 

It takes a while for the brain to heal and as you have noticed, the first 2 years are the hardest. Everyone is different. I started to see changes at 2 1/2 years.

 

I used to get triggered by driving, grocery shopping, being around people etc.

 

The symptoms that you have described coincide with WDS. The good news is that the symptoms ease over time and you will heal. Plus you are still very young. You will probably heal faster. Don't feel discouraged if you sometimes experience a setback. Setbacks are part of a healing process. Don't expect medical professionals to understand what you are going through. They are only trained to give out scripts and when things go south, they pretend that WDS is non existant. Everything is so conveniently in your head. It is very rare and hard to come across a GP or PDOC that truly understands the damage these drugs do to people.

 

You will heal and be your self once again.

 

Take care, Hopefull.

Edited by scallywag
white space at paragraph breaks

DRUG HISTORY:

 

November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction).

January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey).

January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering.

October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg.

September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed.

September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised.

February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. :(

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  • 1 month later...
On 4.6.2017 at 3:27 PM, Hopefull said:

Hi Kiaza,

 

I just read through your thread. I am sorry that you have been unessessarly put through this ordeal. I have a teenage daughter and I can't understand why doctors prescribe AD'S to teenagers? ?

 

It makes me really angry. Why is such practice allowed?

 

It takes a while for the brain to heal and as you have noticed, the first 2 years are the hardest. Everyone is different. I started to see changes at 2 1/2 years.

 

I used to get triggered by driving, grocery shopping, being around people etc.

 

The symptoms that you have described coincide with WDS. The good news is that the symptoms ease over time and you will heal. Plus you are still very young. You will probably heal faster. Don't feel discouraged if you sometimes experience a setback. Setbacks are part of a healing process. Don't expect medical professionals to understand what you are going through. They are only trained to give out scripts and when things go south, they pretend that WDS is non existant. Everything is so conveniently in your head. It is very rare and hard to come across a GP or PDOC that truly understands the damage these drugs do to people.

 

You will heal and be your self once again.

 

Take care, Hopefull.

 

Hi! Thank you for your encouragement. I'm still nowhere near back to normal. It truly is a wonder why young people are put on these meds. Teenagers are moody and full of angst and it is treated with medications and more problems are created as I have experienced. This over medicalized western culture makes people sick.

 

I do wish I will get back to me, to be able to be creative. I would have liked to grow without meds, the person would have been quite different, I guess.

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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