Jump to content
TikkiTikki

TikkiTikki: Going slow off Celexa to avoid "relapse"

Recommended Posts

TikkiTikki

Hi VIncent, I think you're right. Thanks for dropping by to say so, too. I appreciate it.

 

After two years of tapering, I don't think I could start up a whole new drug, but I've just felt so damn hopeless and toxic to the people around me. GoIng up a little seems sensible, it just doesn't promise the relief I'm after. I wish I could trust that this is all just withdrawal, and that in a year or so I will be stronger than ever, but I'm just not sure. A lot of it is the effects of withdrawal, but I've managed to get myself in a pretty dire state in the past all on my own. And ADs came to the rescue.

 

That said, I've had a really good day today. My son had a bad reaction to a new drug he has been prescribed, and I handled it calmly, purposefully, with no hint of anxiety or emotional lability. I've felt sort of content, even positive about plans. Some part of me IS getting stronger, definitely, and when I have days like this, it kind of blows my whole "slow decline" theory and puts me firmly back in the good old "windows and waves" paradigm. Which means patience, patience, self-compassion and more patience ...

 

I took sertraline a few times, and had only moderate trouble discontinuing (brain shivers, weird dreams), but I had the most awful time trying to take it for the third time, and eventually convinced the doctors to try something else (they thought it was in my head). I was so physically sick with constant vomiting, and such extreme anxiety and what I now recognise as akathisia. Nasty stuff. It looks like you tried with mirtazapine while in withdrawal, but no good? That should be a warning to me. Have you got any better with time? I am lucky that I"m tapering slowly now (I've done it the hard way in the past and ended up "relapsing" several times before finding this website).

 

Here's to good days among the bad. 

Share this post


Link to post
TikkiTikki

Just wanted to note that two days ago, on Saturday 1/12, I had a perfectly awful night and spent most of it awake in such a state of anxiety I ended up taking 2x 7.5mg oxazepam before snatching a few hours of sleep at 6.30am. I couldn't really credit how bad I felt, it was out of proportion to anything I was thinking. I felt so afraid, so ashamed, so exposed and utterly unable to think outside of the desperate narrative of my life I had constructed. It sounds a bit ridiculous when I type it out, and from the vantage point of today's calm. But I haven't felt as clear as today in many weeks, if not months, and I guess it's been building up.

Share this post


Link to post
TikkiTikki

Feeling great today: calm, positive, negative head chatter completely quiet, actually felt like going shopping and wandered around shops just enjoying feeling content. 

Saw psychiatrist and have a script for Valdoxan but no intention of taking it. 

I can't possibly be relapsing/ experiencing depression if I can feel this clear and fine for three days in a row? 

I woke last night a few times, but no panic at all. Just remained sleepy and relaxed and drifted back to sleep.

Note: Feeling relief on Monday coincided with getting my period. 

Share this post


Link to post
TikkiTikki

Still feeling good. Despite having to break out the lice comb again ... is it even possible to get rid all of the little critters? i just want to shave everyone's heads.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.