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Hello pug,

 

Great story! Thanks for sharing your positive advise.

Good to hear you are doing better and better. Sometimes it's hard to believe that we are healing. It just doesn't feel that way. Some days I just don't believe it anymore. 

I have been on and off anti-depressants for the last 20 years and I hardly can remember how it feels to be normal and just live the day without thinking too much. 

I am on Citalopram for the last 2 years but I really want to get rid of these meds for the rest of my life. Want to start tapering anytime soon.

 

The problem is just when I think I'm doing fineI eat a bag of potato chips watching movie till midnight and feel awesome. Then the morning light comes through my window and this feeling has just disappeared. I'm anxious a little nauseous and just feeling blah.

 

A great part of my day I struggle less or more just to do everything I have to. Then after dinner my mood starts to increase and most of the time I have pretty good evening. This cycle just goes on and on. The problem is that I had this even before I started taking meds. So I don't know if it's the citalopram or it's just me?

 

Did you have similar problems before and after taking medication?

Of course when you're getting older some problems disappear and some may appear so it might be hard to tell after 20 years.

 

Anyway, great to meet you and to hear from you! It is just a very motivating to read stories like yours.

 

Keep on going on the right track!

 

Thanks again and wish you all the best pug.

 

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

 

- 2016 - Okt 2017 citalopram some months 15 mg some months 20 mg

- Nov 2017- Apr 2018 citalopram 25 mg

- April 2018 -  June 2018 citalopram 3 month TAPER too fast  from 25mg to 16.5 mg (0.1 mg per day decrease, felt horrible and crashed)

- June 2018 - Aug13th 2018 citalopram trying to stabilize at 16.5 mg for 5 weeks, felt absolutely awful.

- August 14th 2018 - April 29th 2019  citalopram 18 mg (1.5 mg updose). Try to stabilize.-

START TAPER 29 apr 2019 @ 18 mg,    29th Jun 16.4 mg / 19th aug 15.4 mg / 25th Aug 15.2 mg / 30th sep 14.0 mg / 4th dec 13.1 mg- 

2020 citalopram taper approx 1 % per week: 03rd Jan 12.75 mg / 28 Jan 12.29 mg / 18th Feb 11.83 mg, 25th Feb 11.68 mg hold../7th May 11.33 mg hold, 4th Aug 10.98 mg, 5th Dec 10.0 mg holding for a while.

 

 

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Hi pug, I keep re reading your story. I love it! Just for us who have cold turkeyed there is hope. Did you ever feel suicidal and like your suffering wasn’t going to end? Is this normal? 

 

I realize now how important it is to taper and for those who have cold turkeyed it really upsets me. 

2009- started lexapro at 10mg, could not manage so went down to 5 mg a couple weeks later I think 

(somewhere along the lines I dropped to 2.5mg not actually sure when)

2014 summer- CT’d 2.5mg

2015 winter- reinstated lexapro 2.5mg

2017 dec- CT’d lexapro 2.5 mg

2018 beginning of may- reinstated lexapro 2.5mg- stopped CT after 6 days because of extreme adverse reaction and side effects 

2018 end of may In hospital- 2 doses of 10 mg Prozac, 1 dose  remeron 7.5mg, a couple doses of vistaril, klonopin not sure dosage and 1.5 weeks of beta blockers 

 

In addition may 2018- used Xanax .0125mg prn maybe 2-3 times a week for about 2-3 weeks 

 

last p drug  was .0125mg Xanax May 31st 2018

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@Fighter33 I have done both cold turkey, and this time I’ve been tapering for 2.5 years... I’m still suffering immensely with symptoms and have the suicidal thinking. You should always taper for safety, but you might be in the same spot in the end. 

med history: 17 years total

Concerta: 2 yrs - cold turkey, brought on first "depression" 

Short trials of Zoloft and Effexor: 1-3 years - multiple cold turkey's brought on OCD intrusive thoughts for the first time

Lexapro 15-20 mg (16 yrs)  - tried to quit once, cold turkey, worst WD ever, had to go on to 20mg to stop WD

Welbutrin 150mg (8-ish yrs) NO w/d symptoms from CT

Adderall 5-7.5mg (8-10-ish yrs) quit CT, brought on many WD symptoms, but manageable. 

 

Begin taper March 2018 Currently on 4.4 mg lexapro - down from 20mg

 

Symptoms depression, horrible intrusive thoughts and urges, new onset PMS/PMDD, constant extreme irritation and anger, visual hallucinations, irrational thinking patterns, panic, nausea, dizzy, intolerance to working out, chemical sensitivities, noise sensitivities, memory issues, heart palps, etc. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi pug I’m not sure if you are still around but I just stopped Zoloft after 3 years cold turkey and I’m feeling the anxiety panic after 4 months along with itching . I’m holding on trying not to re instate .

Zoloft around 3 years 100mg .. I can’t remember the start date but it was discontinued in July of 2018

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 10/17/2018 at 9:24 AM, Sandman said:

Hi Pug. I am 27 years old. While being on Sertraline I experienced erectile dysfunction and ejaculatory anhedonia. After I tapered off several premature ejaculation added up to the mentioned sexual problems. I am off Sertraline for last 10 months. I am so helpless and feel suicidal. 

 

Did you have similar experience? If yes, has your condition improved?

 

Hello,

 

Yes I had these things and it is very frightening and troubling.  It would be one thing to suffer the physical symptoms alone or the mental symptoms alone, but they all happen at once and in the worst possible way. I think this is what makes the challenge of withdrawal and recovery one of the hardest that can be dealt with; but there is good news, I am so much better!  It takes time for us to heal, and there are many ups and downs along the way, but given enough time we can overcome this terrible condition and become whole again.

 

Keep the thought that you will heal and recover in your thoughts as much as possible.  Stay away from any negative or scary stories or posts and focus on recovery stories and positive threads.  There are regular, every-day people like me who have healed a great deal and have or will completely recover from this and you can do it also.  Do your best to only focus on getting through this minute, this hour, this day and don’t look too far into the future.  String enough of those days together and the healing that is happening for you now will start to show up and you will begin to feel better.  All you have to do is keep going and don’t ever give up!

 

I hope that you get a break very soon.

 

Pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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On 10/17/2018 at 5:09 PM, Peachy said:

How long did it take for the psychological symptoms to ease, and go away for you?!

Thanks for coming back here. Your a rockstar :)

 

Hey there,

 

For me there was no sudden healing or clearing of the fog, it happened very gradually and slowly, with many ups and downs.  I wish I could give you more specifics, but it is hard to measure healing other than in broad terms such as, “I am feeling a bit better” or, “I seem to be suffering less from that symptom”.  I still have the occasional “down time” when psychologically I am not at my best, but it tends to be brief and much less challenging that it once was.  I know that I am still healing and I just need to give it some more time and it will finally be gone for good one day, and it will be the same for you.  Give it more time and you will heal in mental, physical, and emotional areas as you move toward feeling better and better.

 

All the best,

 

Pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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On 10/18/2018 at 1:47 AM, jozeff said:

Hello pug,

 

Great story! Thanks for sharing your positive advise.

Good to hear you are doing better and better. Sometimes it's hard to believe that we are healing. It just doesn't feel that way. Some days I just don't believe it anymore. 

I have been on and off anti-depressants for the last 20 years and I hardly can remember how it feels to be normal and just live the day without thinking too much. 

I am on Citalopram for the last 2 years but I really want to get rid of these meds for the rest of my life. Want to start tapering anytime soon.

 

The problem is just when I think I'm doing fineI eat a bag of potato chips watching movie till midnight and feel awesome. Then the morning light comes through my window and this feeling has just disappeared. I'm anxious a little nauseous and just feeling blah.

 

A great part of my day I struggle less or more just to do everything I have to. Then after dinner my mood starts to increase and most of the time I have pretty good evening. This cycle just goes on and on. The problem is that I had this even before I started taking meds. So I don't know if it's the citalopram or it's just me?

 

Did you have similar problems before and after taking medication?

Of course when you're getting older some problems disappear and some may appear so it might be hard to tell after 20 years.

 

Anyway, great to meet you and to hear from you! It is just a very motivating to read stories like yours.

 

Keep on going on the right track!

 

Thanks again and wish you all the best pug.

 

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

 

 

Hello,

 

I can relate to the feelings and thoughts that you have stated here; many of us have or will consider similar things.  For me, I was on the drugs for so long (almost half my life) that I really wanted to know what it was like to be free from them, especially after my doc asked me if I had considered stopping them.  I had no idea at the time what I was in for, and she advised me that cold-turkey was as good an option as tapering, so the cold-turkey option is what I chose.  Of course the hell that followed I have explained in this success story as well as a bit in my introductory thread, so I won’t cover that again.  But, I will say that life on the drugs presented many challenges as I look back on it; my sleep and sexual function was damaged almost right away, weight gain of 80 pounds followed, and later on other things like bladder issues.  There is no telling what I would be dealing with now if I had stayed on the drugs for longer, but the problems I did have would have only gotten worse.  So, what to do?

 

I chose to come off of the drugs; it was hell for a time, it got better, it was worth it.  Even though I am not completely healed, I feel better now than I did on the drugs!  It helps that I have lost all the weight I gained, my sleep is improving and sexual function is returning to normal, and I know it will only continue to get better!  Looking back, I think that during my pre-drug challenges of anxiety, depression, etc. if I had just given it time I would have healed and moved on like many people do as they age and their bodies change.  Instead I did as my doctor told me to and started popping pills, and never gave myself a chance to see if I could just heal naturally and move on.

 

Even if I have still not healed completely, I am thrilled to be off of these terrible drugs!

 

Wishing you a lot of healing.

 

pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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On 10/19/2018 at 6:43 AM, Fighter33 said:

Hi pug, I keep re reading your story. I love it! Just for us who have cold turkeyed there is hope. Did you ever feel suicidal and like your suffering wasn’t going to end? Is this normal? 

 

I realize now how important it is to taper and for those who have cold turkeyed it really upsets me. 

 

Hello,

 

Yes I felt suicidal and completely hopeless and I think most folks who experience this do also.  It lasts so long and improvement seems to never happen or happen so slowly that the suffering seems endless.  Our brains are damaged, but they do heal, but somewhere in that process the thoughts of suicide start showing up and I think it is another symptom like so many others; frightening to be sure, but a symptom that will pass if we can hang on and let the healing happen.  It seems impossible when we are suffering so severely; to accept the symptoms, dig in, and wait for healing and improvements to appear.  But that is exactly what we must do!  Do I think about suicide now?  Of course not!  My brain and body are healing and that “symptom” has gone away after enough healing happened.  So do what you can to ride this phase of the recovery process out and it will pass and things will improve.

 

Wishing you all the best,

 

Pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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On 11/6/2018 at 2:14 PM, Bobbyss said:

Hi pug I’m not sure if you are still around but I just stopped Zoloft after 3 years cold turkey and I’m feeling the anxiety panic after 4 months along with itching . I’m holding on trying not to re instate .

 

Hello,

 

I know what you are dealing with and it is no easy thing.  You can survive it, recover, and feel good again; I know because I cold turkeyed and I have recovered a great deal and enjoy life again.  How are you doing now?

 

Wishing you healing,

 

pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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gentlehermione
6 hours ago, pug said:

Looking back, I think that during my pre-drug challenges of anxiety, depression, etc. if I had just given it time I would have healed and moved on like many people do as they age and their bodies change.  Instead I did as my doctor told me to and started popping pills, and never gave myself a chance to see if I could just heal naturally and move on.

 

Even if I have still not healed completely, I am thrilled to be off of these terrible drugs!

 

I can sooo identify with that! I'm at 13 months out CT after almost 20 years on Effexor and some of my symptoms (dizziness, withdrawal whiplash, joint pain) have lightened up but all of a sudden, two months ago, I developed paresthesia in my hands and feet. Did you experience this at any time?

 

Wishing you all the best and continuing healing 👍

Effexor XR 75mg 1997-2012 

Effexor XR 37.5mg 2012-2017 (tapered off over six months - finished taper July 2017)

SCA Aug 12th, 2017

Cymbalta 30mg Aug 2017 - Nov 2017 (CT Nov. 17th for medical reasons)

Metoprolol 50mg Aug 2017 - Feb 2019 tapered down to 25mg June 2019 then tapered down to zero. Off Metoprolol as of Jan 2020        

Amiodarone (anti-arrhythmic med) 200mg Nov 2017- May 2018

 

Supplements: Omega 3, vitamin D3, magnesium

What helps me: Manual lymphatic drainage massage, acupressure, meditation, homeopathy (my psychiatrist is also a certified homeopath), a healthy diet when possible organic, yoga, walking my dogs every day and gardening.

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Hi Pug,

 

I'm always so happy to real your story and responses.  

 

Did you have temperature fluctuations once you stopped taking the medication.  While I did not cold turkey my last medication, I did have to jump off higher than I would have to due to an adverse reaction to the medication.

 

Besides the usual withdrawal horror symptoms, I have been having major flashes and sweating.  I'm asking because I know you are a man and was curious if you experienced them.  I don't want to have to do anything with my hormones now that I am post menopause.  

 

Thanks.  

 Sept 2013-Apr 2014:  After death of my mom put on as series of meds. Zoloft 6 days, Lexapro1 day, Nortriptyline 10 days, Liquid Prozac 1 week, Cymbalta 1 week.

Got off Clonzapam: 1/2014-9/2014. After given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs

Completed Remeron taper: 41.25 -0.025mgs  1/2015-4 2017. 

Completed Lamictal Taper: 200mgs-0.05 mgs 7/ 2015-11/2018. 

Clonazapam  December 2018. 0.625 Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping and not thinking straight. 28 March, 2019  4% taper Total: .625mgai   26 May, 2019  4% taper Total: .575 mgai,   24 June, 2019 2.5 % taper  10 Clonzapam tablets weigh1.999 mgpw  Average  200 mgpw.  0.0073mgai 9AM, 0.0073mgai 3PM, .415mgai, Total: 561mgai,  10 July, 2019 (Compounded pills) .0073mgai 9AM,.0073mgai 3PM, .415mgai,

Total .561mgai   26 August, 2019 (Back to regular pills due to bad reaction) .0078mgai 9AM, .01075mgai 3PM, .360mgai PM, Total: .545mgai   26 Sept. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM, .1mgai 3PM, 0.350mgai PM: Total: .5275mgai   31 Oct, 2019 .0750mgai 9AM, .0925mgai 3PM, 0.340mgai 930PM, Total: .5075mgai,   30 Nov. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM, .0825mgai 3PM, .3325mgai 9:30PM, Total:.490mgai   31 Dec. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM,  .080mgai 3PM, .3225mgai 9:30PM,  Total: .4775mgai   31 Jan. 2020 .0725mgai 9AM, .0750mgai 3pm, .315mgai 9:30PM, Total: .4625mgai    29 Feb. 2020  .0675mgai 9AM, .0675 3PM, .305 mgai 9PM Total: .440mgai 31 March 2020 .065mgai 9AM,  .065mgai 3PM, .2925mgai 10PM, Total: 4225mgai  30 April 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625mgai 3PM, .2775mgai 10PM  Total: .4025mgai 31 May 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625 mgai 3PM, .2526 mgai 10PM, Total: .3775mgai  30 June 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625mgai 3PM  .2175 mgai 10PM Total .3425mgai.   31 July 2020 .0575 mgai 9AM .0550 mgai 3PM .180mgai 10PM Total .2925mgai  31 August 2020 .0475mgai 9AM, 0.045mgai 3PM, .01475mgai 10PM Total: .2375mgai  30 September 2020 0.0375mgai 9AM 0.035mgai 3PM 0.110mgai 10PM  Total: .1825mgai 31 October 2020 .0325mgai 9AM .0350mgai 3PM  .0725mgai 9PM Total: .14mgai

30 Nov. 2020 .03mgai 9AM  .0276mgai 3PM 0.450mgai 9PM Total: .1025mgai

 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs,  Vitamin D, Vitamin C, Magnesium Glycinate

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hey pug pug we’re you still suffering with despair and sucidal thoughts at 15-17 months off I’m really start get bad again just scary me this will never end even reading positive stories are not helping anymore 

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JackieDecides
On 8/29/2018 at 3:29 PM, pug said:

if I had taken the advice of the doctors and therapists I saw while in heavy withdrawal, I would now be on several medications and probably worse off than when I started!  I instead chose to wait and see concerning my issues and symptoms and they have all gotten better and I am on zero drugs.  Everyone must do what they think is in their best interests, but please consider each action that you take very, very carefully and get help and advice or a second opinion from others that you trust like Alto and the Moderators here.

 

 

thank you so much for sharing your story with everyone here. I was already through acute withdrawal when I found this forum but I still take a lot of encouragement from those who have come all the way through and your words are so inspiring. 

 

I quoted what struck me hard as I feel the worst for those whose doctors failed them (yet again!) during withdrawal. they just can't stop with thinking pills are always the answer instead of the problem! 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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Pug, When did your symptoms start to appear? I cold turkeyed late 2017 and I had zero symptoms until September 2018 (blurred vision). Even now I'm not experiencing many physical symptoms day by day, no brain zaps, no pain anywhere on my body, no dizziness, no shaking, no irregular heartbeats or anything like that. Just a little bit of tinnitus and vision disturbance. 

But my memory and cognition have suffered SEVERELY. I have trouble forming sentences and I honestly just feel like I'm getting dumber and dumber each day, I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore without obsessing over the size of my head and forehead. Can't stop thinking my head is shrinking and that my brain is dying. 

At this point, I would almost feel BETTER if I had brain zaps or tremors or tension or anything like that, because it would make me feel like SOMETHING is happening in my body. But I'm just miserable, anxious, depressed, and empty. All my symptoms are mental and it just makes me feel like no healing is taking place. How long did it take for you to see symptoms other than depression/anxiety?

ADs: 4 years

Sertraline (Zoloft): 2013 to late 2017, 100mg CT. Then September 6th to 20th(2018): 25mg for a week then 50mg, CT.

November 6th, 2018 reinstatement: sertraline 1mg

 

November 17th, 2018 : sertraline 2mg

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I’ve been reading so many different articles and I’m trying to figure out on a scientific level or a neurological level as to what is actually happening with this withdrawal. Why 3 months after my last dose im hit with chronic anxiety and panic every morning I wake up ? The weird feeling I have in my head into my mouth that’s like this buzzing feeling that I can’t even explain. I can’t even explain the feeling. My dr gave me Xanax I haven’t touched it I just keep it with me just Incase. I wish I could get an understanding as to what’s  really going on here and why this all happens in our Brains . It’s good to come on here and have support since nobody in my life can understand what’s going on here i wish all of us Healing . .

Zoloft around 3 years 100mg .. I can’t remember the start date but it was discontinued in July of 2018

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Hi pug... Thank you for replying. I just had another question. when you woke up in the mornings during your withdrawal, did you notice weird brain sensations such as pressure changes or drop like sensations in the brain, dizziness, whooziness feeling in the head? Or even shock-like sensations in your head and into your body? I was just wondering because my head symptoms are brutal. Mornings are pretty bad because I think there is a shock in the brain from sleeping to wake and from laying down to rising... Didn't know if you experienced this at all.... It's very frightening for me. 

Here it goes

 

March 2015- started 5mg Lexapro

November 2015- switched over to Cymbalta 30mg

August 2016- stopped Cymbalta cold turkey

Early December 2016- took Zoloft 25mg 

Tried to then cross taper over to Lexapro 5mg then up to 10mg for a week

 Aug 2017- Stopped lexapro- not sure if seratonin toxicity was present. Er prescribed klonopin- currently tapering .25mg. 

 Sept 2017-Tried resperidal 1mg for two weeks

November 2017- Tried Lexapro again 2.5 mg then to 5mg for two weeks then stopped

 

 

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On 11/20/2018 at 11:01 PM, pug said:

 

Hello,

 

I know what you are dealing with and it is no easy thing.  You can survive it, recover, and feel good again; I know because I cold turkeyed and I have recovered a great deal and enjoy life again.  How are you doing now?

 

Wishing you healing,

 

pug

I’m holding on for dear life with bizzare symptoms. It’s like someone has my head under water and here and there I come up for air to breathe and get a few hours of relief. I have these weird sensations in my head that goes into my mouth it’s weird . I sleep a few hours then wake up itching the mornings are the worst with anxiety and sometimes it goes all day . The ocd is the worst which I’ve never had either along with never having this anxiety. I fight going back on every day because I don’t know if it will help . I can’t make up my mind . The panic and anxiety came after like 3 -4 months in . I too am in my 50’s I’m 51 and the only thing I can say is I’m in great physical shape and I push in the gym to keep staying physically strong along with good nutrition. I’ve always been physically active plus I do a lot of biking not as much since it’s getting cold out so I use the elliptical. The rashes I have and itching is hard too . Thank you for your support I’m just exhausted on every level . I’m holding on hoping all of this will go away and I can just get back to my baseline and use my coping skills in any situation. It’s different when you mature and get older you mature and  can handle things better it’s not like you need to take a pill to combat this or that.. 

Zoloft around 3 years 100mg .. I can’t remember the start date but it was discontinued in July of 2018

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Hi Bobby's, 

 

Just replied to your post but I just read your recent story here ....

 

I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

 

I wish you strength and healing.

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

 

 

- 2016 - Okt 2017 citalopram some months 15 mg some months 20 mg

- Nov 2017- Apr 2018 citalopram 25 mg

- April 2018 -  June 2018 citalopram 3 month TAPER too fast  from 25mg to 16.5 mg (0.1 mg per day decrease, felt horrible and crashed)

- June 2018 - Aug13th 2018 citalopram trying to stabilize at 16.5 mg for 5 weeks, felt absolutely awful.

- August 14th 2018 - April 29th 2019  citalopram 18 mg (1.5 mg updose). Try to stabilize.-

START TAPER 29 apr 2019 @ 18 mg,    29th Jun 16.4 mg / 19th aug 15.4 mg / 25th Aug 15.2 mg / 30th sep 14.0 mg / 4th dec 13.1 mg- 

2020 citalopram taper approx 1 % per week: 03rd Jan 12.75 mg / 28 Jan 12.29 mg / 18th Feb 11.83 mg, 25th Feb 11.68 mg hold../7th May 11.33 mg hold, 4th Aug 10.98 mg, 5th Dec 10.0 mg holding for a while.

 

 

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On 11/21/2018 at 9:23 AM, pug said:

 

Hello,

 

Yes I had these things and it is very frightening and troubling.  It would be one thing to suffer the physical symptoms alone or the mental symptoms alone, but they all happen at once and in the worst possible way. I think this is what makes the challenge of withdrawal and recovery one of the hardest that can be dealt with; but there is good news, I am so much better!  It takes time for us to heal, and there are many ups and downs along the way, but given enough time we can overcome this terrible condition and become whole again.

 

Keep the thought that you will heal and recover in your thoughts as much as possible.  Stay away from any negative or scary stories or posts and focus on recovery stories and positive threads.  There are regular, every-day people like me who have healed a great deal and have or will completely recover from this and you can do it also.  Do your best to only focus on getting through this minute, this hour, this day and don’t look too far into the future.  String enough of those days together and the healing that is happening for you now will start to show up and you will begin to feel better.  All you have to do is keep going and don’t ever give up!

 

I hope that you get a break very soon.

 

Pug

Pug, I am grateful to you for your kind support.

I was on Sertraline 100 mg from 20-01-2010 to 11-01-2018.

I am off Sertraline now. 

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I wish there was a like or love button so I would have pressed on love at each of your post man :)

 

Wanted to ask how is your tinnitus now ? I have started taking "very low" doses of Vitamin B complex that is available in liquid form and I feel they are helping me, earlier trying heavier doses increased the ring for me instantly.

1995 to 1997: different antidepressants at maintenance dosages along with benzos 3 times a day.  

1998 to 2000: Citalopram 20mg + Benzo twice daily.

2001 to 2015: Sertraline 50 mg + Alprazolam (half of 0.25 mg once daily which is next to nothing)

2016 to 2017: Sertraline 50 mg + Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 25 mg (NO BENZO)

2017 to 2018: Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 50 mg  (NO BENZO)

2018 (Earlier): Olanzapine (Zyprexa) 5 mg + Clonazepam 0.25 mg x 2 daily (7 weeks on Olanzapine was a disaster, antipsychotics are not for panic disorder)

2018 August : Sertraline 50 mg for 20 days (couldn't take it any longer) + Clonazepam.

2018 Sept. 1st week: Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 25 mg + Clonazepam 0.25 mg -- 2018 Sept. 2nd week: Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 12.5mg +Clonazepam 0.25 mg 

2018 November: Clonazepam 0.50 mg at night (for sleep disturbed by tinnitus)

2019 January to now: Clonazepam 0.25 mg at night and 0.25 mg in the morning.

Remember: Going out for a Walk or for a Change does help, it may take a few days or weeks or months for some, but it definitely helps.

Here is Knowledge for you: The more you Know about your sickness the more bad it is for you, so forget about it !

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On 11/22/2018 at 12:16 PM, Jansin said:

Pug, When did your symptoms start to appear? I cold turkeyed late 2017 and I had zero symptoms until September 2018 (blurred vision).

 

Same thing happened to me. I didn’t get noticeable physical symptoms til about a year after my ct. mainly brainfog, head pressure, dizziness, vision issues, fatigue and drug & chemical sensitivities starting. But I was fully functioning just felt ‘off’ and couldn’t figure out why. I didn’t contribute it to the drug since it was so long after. My dr told me it was probably stress and to try to get back on the drug. Severe adverse reactions ensued and my journey through hell started. I wish I could go back & just ride those original symptoms out. Just had to comment because I haven’t found anyone else who had symptoms start after that long. But apparently it does happen! I wish I had known! Hope you feel better soon.

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

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40 minutes ago, Waiting12 said:

Just had to comment because I haven’t found anyone else who had symptoms start after that long. But apparently it does happen! I wish I had known! Hope you feel better soon.


As far as I can remember I stopped taking my meds around November 2017 and only really experienced worsening depression until September of this year when I woke up one day with a vision disturbance.

What was your adverse reaction when you tried zoloft again? 

I reinstated in september for about two weeks with 25mg and didnt notice any reaction at all, I may have gotten lucky but that was also before I found this site so I could have very well had symptoms I wasn't paying attention to

ADs: 4 years

Sertraline (Zoloft): 2013 to late 2017, 100mg CT. Then September 6th to 20th(2018): 25mg for a week then 50mg, CT.

November 6th, 2018 reinstatement: sertraline 1mg

 

November 17th, 2018 : sertraline 2mg

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14 minutes ago, Jansin said:


What was your adverse reaction when you tried zoloft again? 
 

Oh it was very noticeable right away. Symptoms I’ve never experienced before & didn’t even knew existed. Akathisia, intrusive thoughts, chemical anxiety, insomnia, inner vibrations, no positive emotions etc. My dr said this was just startup anxiety and kept trying me on more meds over 6 months time and each reaction gave me more symptoms and worsened existing ones. I didn’t understand what happened to me til I found this site. I’m glad you didn’t have a bad reaction.

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

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On 11/21/2018 at 2:19 AM, gentlehermione said:

 

I can sooo identify with that! I'm at 13 months out CT after almost 20 years on Effexor and some of my symptoms (dizziness, withdrawal whiplash, joint pain) have lightened up but all of a sudden, two months ago, I developed paresthesia in my hands and feet. Did you experience this at any time?

 

Wishing you all the best and continuing healing 👍

 

Hello,

 

I did experience burning and itching skin that sometimes felt tender to the touch.  It affected mostly one side of my back, my upper chest and throat area, but could show up anywhere such as my nipples and genitals.  That has all gone away other than a very brief and minor occurrence every now and then; and I am very happy it has gone away!  Hang in there and keep positive that yours will eventually get better and go away.

 

All the best.

 

pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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On 11/21/2018 at 2:13 PM, Hibari said:

Hi Pug,

 

I'm always so happy to real your story and responses.  

 

Did you have temperature fluctuations once you stopped taking the medication.  While I did not cold turkey my last medication, I did have to jump off higher than I would have to due to an adverse reaction to the medication.

 

Besides the usual withdrawal horror symptoms, I have been having major flashes and sweating.  I'm asking because I know you are a man and was curious if you experienced them.  I don't want to have to do anything with my hormones now that I am post menopause.  

 

Thanks.  

 

Hello,

 

Absolutely!  One of my most troubling symptoms has been body temperature regulation; bouncing back and forth between freezing and then boiling hot.  I still deal with it, although it is not nearly as bad.  The hot flashes can still show up for me, usually in the middle of the night when they will wake me from my sleep, and a lot of the time in conjunction with stomach pain and bloating.  But it has all gotten so much better as time has gone on and I expect it to be completely gone one day.  It sounds like yours could definitely be from withdrawal, or withdrawal is making it worse, and if that is the case it will get better as you heal.

 

Wishing you healing.

 

pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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On 11/22/2018 at 10:16 AM, Jansin said:

Pug, When did your symptoms start to appear? I cold turkeyed late 2017 and I had zero symptoms until September 2018 (blurred vision). Even now I'm not experiencing many physical symptoms day by day, no brain zaps, no pain anywhere on my body, no dizziness, no shaking, no irregular heartbeats or anything like that. Just a little bit of tinnitus and vision disturbance. 

But my memory and cognition have suffered SEVERELY. I have trouble forming sentences and I honestly just feel like I'm getting dumber and dumber each day, I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore without obsessing over the size of my head and forehead. Can't stop thinking my head is shrinking and that my brain is dying. 

At this point, I would almost feel BETTER if I had brain zaps or tremors or tension or anything like that, because it would make me feel like SOMETHING is happening in my body. But I'm just miserable, anxious, depressed, and empty. All my symptoms are mental and it just makes me feel like no healing is taking place. How long did it take for you to see symptoms other than depression/anxiety?

 

Hello,

 

Recovery from withdrawal is so individual and variable.  It sure sounds to me like you are experiencing withdrawal related symptoms, with the brain fog, and emotional and mental challenges.  My experience has been one of having physical and nonphysical symptoms come and go, come back again, or just start and then continue for months and months; there seems to be no pattern or rhyme or reason to the healing process; which is different for everyone.  It is hard for me to pinpoint when this or that type of symptom came on, so I can’t really answer your question accurately.

 

All I can say is to do your best not to obsess about the healing process and how it is going to proceed for you, as that will only lead to frustration.  Just keep focused on the fact that recovery is going to happen, look for any improvement no matter how small to hang onto, and stay focused on positive, uplifting material like success stories.  I had to give up trying to diagnose and direct my recovery and accept that fact that I did not know what was going to happen or when it was going to happen.  I instead put as much of my focus as possible on acceptance, coping, and staying focused on the words of those who had healed before me and said that recovery would happen.  I held on to that hope during my darkest hours and it has turned out to be true; we do heal, begin to live life again, and experience joy and happiness once more.

 

pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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On 11/25/2018 at 5:41 AM, Bobbyss said:

I’ve been reading so many different articles and I’m trying to figure out on a scientific level or a neurological level as to what is actually happening with this withdrawal. Why 3 months after my last dose im hit with chronic anxiety and panic every morning I wake up ? The weird feeling I have in my head into my mouth that’s like this buzzing feeling that I can’t even explain. I can’t even explain the feeling. My dr gave me Xanax I haven’t touched it I just keep it with me just Incase. I wish I could get an understanding as to what’s  really going on here and why this all happens in our Brains . It’s good to come on here and have support since nobody in my life can understand what’s going on here i wish all of us Healing . .

 

Hello,

 

As I have said before, I gave up trying to understand what was going on because recovery from withdrawal is individual, bizarre, unpredictable, and beyond anything that I could hope to understand.  I instead focused only on coping my best each day and hanging on to the hope of recovery.  Those that had recovered and the success stories I read said that I would get better and overcome this challenge if I just kept going and did not quit.  I believed them and it became true for me.

 

pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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On 11/25/2018 at 10:57 PM, Bobbyss said:

I’m holding on for dear life with bizzare symptoms. It’s like someone has my head under water and here and there I come up for air to breathe and get a few hours of relief. I have these weird sensations in my head that goes into my mouth it’s weird . I sleep a few hours then wake up itching the mornings are the worst with anxiety and sometimes it goes all day . The ocd is the worst which I’ve never had either along with never having this anxiety. I fight going back on every day because I don’t know if it will help . I can’t make up my mind . The panic and anxiety came after like 3 -4 months in . I too am in my 50’s I’m 51 and the only thing I can say is I’m in great physical shape and I push in the gym to keep staying physically strong along with good nutrition. I’ve always been physically active plus I do a lot of biking not as much since it’s getting cold out so I use the elliptical. The rashes I have and itching is hard too . Thank you for your support I’m just exhausted on every level . I’m holding on hoping all of this will go away and I can just get back to my baseline and use my coping skills in any situation. It’s different when you mature and get older you mature and  can handle things better it’s not like you need to take a pill to combat this or that.. 

 

Hello,

 

Yes, I had all of those, and mornings were almost always the worst for me.  Even now when I am having a bad day, it usually the mornings that are the worst.  And although I am pretty much over most of the symptoms, I will still occasionally get some light brain zaps, usually as I am waking up from sleep.  Sleep was one of the first things to get messed up when I started on the medication, and it has also been one of the last to heal.  It seems as if primitive brain functions like sleep and sex, etc. are the ones that take the longest to heal, at least for me.  But they do eventually heal and they have gotten much better for me.

 

I know all of the bizarre symptoms are frightening and truly scary to go through, but they will heal and go away in time.  Just don’t quit, keep going, and you will one day be rewarded with healing and happiness.

 

Wishing you relief,

 

pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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On 11/25/2018 at 11:07 AM, bgoggles1 said:

Hi pug... Thank you for replying. I just had another question. when you woke up in the mornings during your withdrawal, did you notice weird brain sensations such as pressure changes or drop like sensations in the brain, dizziness, whooziness feeling in the head? Or even shock-like sensations in your head and into your body? I was just wondering because my head symptoms are brutal. Mornings are pretty bad because I think there is a shock in the brain from sleeping to wake and from laying down to rising... Didn't know if you experienced this at all.... It's very frightening for me. 

 

Hello,

 

Yes I did suffer with all of what you describe, and my answer to another question, right above this reply, gives more details.  The good news is that it will go away and get better, so don't give up! You can do this and make it to recovery!

 

pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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On 11/21/2018 at 5:53 PM, Liamb123456 said:

hey pug pug we’re you still suffering with despair and sucidal thoughts at 15-17 months off I’m really start get bad again just scary me this will never end even reading positive stories are not helping anymore 

 

Hello,

 

Yes I was, but not any more! Please don't quit, you will heal and feel better and it may be sooner than you think; it could even be tomorrow! Just keep that thought in your mind, "It could be tomorrow!".  And one day that tomorrow will become your reallity!

 

So keep holding on!  The process is overwhelming and exhausting, with challenges on every front, but it can be overcame.  I just have to think back to not that long ago when my brain felt on fire, I felt constantly sick day after day, everything was a challenge, I could not read or listen to music; and even watching television was more than I could handle.  I was miserable and thought I was doomed.  But I was wrong and the suffering and misery slowly got better and I was able to start living life again.  There is no secret to my success; I just kept going day after day with the hope of a better tomorrow and time has brought about the miracle that I had daily wished for.  So I am here to tell you and everyone here can do this; just don’t quit!

 

All the best,

 

pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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Hi Pug...THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT.  I am still having horrible sleep issues.....I seem to never get sleepy and cannot take naps...I was on Klonopin for 7 years and Amitriptyline 7 years.....Been off both for about a year now.....I should have done a much slower taper....but I didn't know better.   I just wanted off the POISON ….Will sleep ever return?  Benzo Buddies has been very helpful too.  Thank you Pug.

Runnergirl

 

Was on Klonopin for 7 years (for sleep and anxiety).....Then I was put on Amitriptyline ( 7 years,same issues plus my doctor thought this would help Hormone issues,,,,yeah...right)  I do not trust my doctor anymore.  He had me on Poison ...he should have known not to keep me on this for so long.

 

Tapered off Klonopin, been off 8 months.

Tapered off Amitriptyline , been off 8 weeks.

Have horrible insomnia.....Not taking any supplements....just vitamins..  I want the brain to heal naturally.

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hi Pug,

 

i have 2 questions

 

are you still obese?

what medicine are you taking today?

 

thanks for your story

 

 

 

for anxiety 

12 years paxil - cold turkey 1,5 month - switch celexa 1 year taper; total 13 years on brain meds 

67 years old - 9 years  med free

 

in protracted withdrawal

rigidity standing and walking, dryness gougerot-szoegren, sleep deteriorate,

function as have a lack of nerves, improving have been very little 

 

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On 12/4/2018 at 11:50 AM, Ather said:

I wish there was a like or love button so I would have pressed on love at each of your post man :)

 

Wanted to ask how is your tinnitus now ? I have started taking "very low" doses of Vitamin B complex that is available in liquid form and I feel they are helping me, earlier trying heavier doses increased the ring for me instantly.

 

Hello,

 

My tinnitus has improved a great deal.  I do have the rare day of loud tinnitus in both ears, but generally it is at much less volume and usually only in my left ear.  My belief is that the tinnitus signifies nerve damage and as the damage heals the tinnitus will improve, just the same as all other symptoms.  It may be one of the last to finally go for me, but I see no reason why it won’t one day be completely gone.  These days I can go hours or even a day or more and not even realize that it is there, so in effect it is gone at those time since I don’t even realize it is going on.  I also have a few days a month when it is truly gone and the silence is profound and something I will never take for granted when I have completely healed from this symptoms.

 

Wishing you improvements with your tinnitus; just keep going!

 

pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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On 12/8/2018 at 6:22 AM, Runnergirl said:

Hi Pug...THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT.  I am still having horrible sleep issues.....I seem to never get sleepy and cannot take naps...I was on Klonopin for 7 years and Amitriptyline 7 years.....Been off both for about a year now.....I should have done a much slower taper....but I didn't know better.   I just wanted off the POISON ….Will sleep ever return?  Benzo Buddies has been very helpful too.  Thank you Pug.

 

Hello,

 

Yes sleep does improve.  There is no way to know the timeline of our own individual healing, but it does improve as do the other symptoms we deal with.  I could not take naps either and I don’t usually take them now, but if I am tired I actually sometimes can nap if I want to for maybe 15-30 minutes or so.  Sleep at night has become more predictable and happens more often with just the occasional rough night of not sleeping well.  I can usually get 6 hours of sleep, most nights it is broken sleep, but the total is usually 6 hours or even more at times.  I feel confident that sometime in the future I will have even more regular sleep and feel more rested, I just need to keep going and allow more healing to happen.  There is no reason it won’t be the same for you.

 

Benzo-Buddies is a great site and I spent many hours there reading success stories and passing the time as I waited for my healing to start showing itself in my daily life.

 

Wishing you some rest soon.

 

Pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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4 minutes ago, pug said:

 

Hello,

 

My tinnitus has improved a great deal.  I do have the rare day of loud tinnitus in both ears, but generally it is at much less volume and usually only in my left ear.  My belief is that the tinnitus signifies nerve damage and as the damage heals the tinnitus will improve, just the same as all other symptoms.  It may be one of the last to finally go for me, but I see no reason why it won’t one day be completely gone.  These days I can go hours or even a day or more and not even realize that it is there, so in effect it is gone at those time since I don’t even realize it is going on.  I also have a few days a month when it is truly gone and the silence is profound and something I will never take for granted when I have completely healed from this symptoms.

 

Wishing you improvements with your tinnitus; just keep going!

 

pug

 

Thank you for your encouraging reply :) 

Another important question is that do you stay busy, do you have a job ? Asking this because when I am busy I don't even notice it but when I am free it comes and then grows louder :D 

Do you take any supplement like magnesium or melatonin ?

1995 to 1997: different antidepressants at maintenance dosages along with benzos 3 times a day.  

1998 to 2000: Citalopram 20mg + Benzo twice daily.

2001 to 2015: Sertraline 50 mg + Alprazolam (half of 0.25 mg once daily which is next to nothing)

2016 to 2017: Sertraline 50 mg + Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 25 mg (NO BENZO)

2017 to 2018: Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 50 mg  (NO BENZO)

2018 (Earlier): Olanzapine (Zyprexa) 5 mg + Clonazepam 0.25 mg x 2 daily (7 weeks on Olanzapine was a disaster, antipsychotics are not for panic disorder)

2018 August : Sertraline 50 mg for 20 days (couldn't take it any longer) + Clonazepam.

2018 Sept. 1st week: Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 25 mg + Clonazepam 0.25 mg -- 2018 Sept. 2nd week: Dosulepin (Prothiaden) 12.5mg +Clonazepam 0.25 mg 

2018 November: Clonazepam 0.50 mg at night (for sleep disturbed by tinnitus)

2019 January to now: Clonazepam 0.25 mg at night and 0.25 mg in the morning.

Remember: Going out for a Walk or for a Change does help, it may take a few days or weeks or months for some, but it definitely helps.

Here is Knowledge for you: The more you Know about your sickness the more bad it is for you, so forget about it !

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On 12/12/2018 at 5:33 AM, stan said:

hi Pug,

 

i have 2 questions

 

are you still obese?

what medicine are you taking today?

 

thanks for your story

 

 

 

 

Hello,

 

I am no longer obese. After stopping the medication I lost 80 pounds and have kept it off! The meds were killing me slowly and in more ways than I knew at the time.

 

I am on zero meds.  That is right, 0 medication, and intend to keep it that way unless I should need it to keep from dying, like if I was diabetic.  I also take no supplements, vitamins, or any other pills.  I am starting to feel better than I have in decades!

 

pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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