MarieJo: Paxil withdrawal after reinstating

[MarieJo]

Hello,

 

I am a 30 years old female from Belgium, so I am really sorry if my English isn't perfect, my mother tongue is French.

I discovered this website a few months ago and it has been a huge relief because I didn't know what was happening to me and why I felt so horrible.

 

This is my story:

 

I began taking Seroxat (Paxil) 15 mg when I was 18 years old for generalized anxiety disorder. It worked wonders for more than 10 years, I had a few side effects in the beginning, but nothing really disturbing. I felt great during the time I was on Paxil. When I told someone I took antidepressants, they couldn't believe me because I am such an happy and outgoing person.

 

One year ago I decided to reduce the Paxil because me and my boyfriend were thinking of having kids. I weaned myself of the medication, but I did it way to fast I think because when I got to 5 mg taper, I completely crashed. I then experienced awful symptoms I had never experienced before like; Extreme anxiety, crying spells, extreme depression, suicidal thoughts, intense insomnia, desperation, obsessions (I could only thing of brain tumors, was really obsessed with the idea I was going to get one), tremors, muscles spasms, heart palpitations, auditive hallucinations ect... Pure HELL. That was in August 2016. I immediately increased my Paxil dosis with 5 mg, so I was taking 10mg a day, thinking that I would get better, but I didn't.

 

I knew there was something really wrong with me and that this was not just the return of my generalized anxiety, but something much more devastating and completely out of my control. When I told my dad, who is a doctor, that I thought I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms he just said that it was impossible, because I was now back at 10mg a day and suggested I increased my dosage to 15mg, the dosage I was taking initially, which I did.

 

Anyway, the symptoms persisted and I was sure that I was getting nuts and that I would never feel normal again. I went to see a psychiatrist for the first time in my life and he put me on a other AD Lexapro 20mg , Amisulpride 100mg  (antipsychotic) and on Xanax1mg/day . I took these combination of drugs during approximately 3 months, but didn't feel real improvement.

 

In January 2017 though, I experienced my first "window"! I didn't know what was happening at the time. I suddenly felt really better and I thought Ok, that's it now I am healed, I beat it. But unfortunately, this didn't last really long because a few days later I crashed, feeling depressed, and extremely anxious again. This lasted for a few weeks and I decided to go back to the psychiatrist to try to understand why I was feeling so miserable again. He couldn't answer my question and suggested I increased the dosage of my 3 meds I was taking. I did increase the Lexapro and the Amisulpride but decided to quit Xanax, as I knew benzodiazepines are very addictive. A few weeks later as I didn't see any positive changes in my mental state, I decided, to quit the Amisulpride and to go back on a high dose of Paxil (60mg).

 

Throughout the past 6 months, I can say that my overall wellbeing really improved in comparison with last year, I am still experiencing waves and windows, so I can say it get's better, but this is soooooooo extremely sloooooooow and so reaching at times. I noticed also that my waves are getting longer, and that the windows get better each time I have one and they slowly get longer. But I don't see a real pattern in them. It's completely random.. Is this normal? When I am in a window, I am quite confident that I will get better one day, but when I experience a wave, like the wave I am experiencing now, I feel deep despair, and I feel I'll never get better and that I better just end my life now. It's freaking horrible.

 

The most disturbing part of all this is that I have no idea when the wave is going to end, and when I am in the wave, I have the impression that I'll never get a window again.

I am really scared now, because the wave I am in right now is a quite long one. My previous waves lasted for approximately 2 to 5 days, but this one is longer. I am at day 7 now. Can it be caused by the fact that I got really drunk a few days ago? Can alcohol make my wave last longer you think?

I try my best to eat healthy, to exercise and I also take fatty acid, as I read here that it could help. But sometimes I just want to escape feeling miserable and drinking helps with that, even though it's temporary.

 

So here is my story. I hope it is clear and that it's not to long.

 

Do you think there is hope I'll ever feel normal again?

Thank you very much in advance for your answer!

 

Bless you all. Mariejo

 

[scallywag]

MarieJo -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)

 

I'm sorry to read that your intention to discontinue Paxil in 2016 got so messed up and that 5-6 months after reinstating Paxil you are going through waves of difficult symptoms. It's good to hear that your windows are getting longer and stronger.

 

Alcohol has an depressant effect on the CNS and absolutely can be a factor in triggering or extending a wave. Most psychoactive medications come with a warning to abstain from alcohol while taking the drug.  Most of us follow that advice while tapering and after tapering is complete until symptoms have largely disappeared.

 

It is common that waves and windows seem random. Our CNS (central nervous system) does its work in a way that makes sense to it, but not to our thinking minds that seek patterns and rationality. Our best explanations for this process are found at these links:

What is withdrawal syndrome.

How your brain responds to psychiatric drugs - aka "Brain remodeling".

Youtube video, 4 minutes: Healing from antidepressants.

 

Would you review the reply I posted above with your medication history? Please let me know what is correct and what needs to be corrected in a reply of your own. Once we've got that sorted out, we'll ask you to create a signature.

 

Some topics relevant to your situation:

How long to stabilize after reinstating or updosing.

Before you begin tapering -- what you need to know.

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?.

Tips for tapering off Paxil (paroxetine).

 

I hope you'll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation. I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but am glad that you found us.

[miT]

7 hours ago, MarieJo said:

 I try my best to eat healthy, to exercise and I also take fatty acid, as I read here that it could help. But sometimes I just want to escape feeling miserable and drinking helps with that, even though it's temporary.

 

Hey MarieJo,

 

Another natural supplement against anxiety symptoms is magnesium. I started taking it two weeks ago and it had a positive impact on me. It’s Pro-Zen from PROBALANCE and it contains magnesium-oxide. You can order it online if you’re interested. There are also other types of magnesium you could take. Maybe you could ask an apothecarian.

 

I’ve also tried the alcohol supplement like you occasionally do. Sometimes you just want to be young and have fun. Unfortunately my waves tend to start soon after. So yes I think it could also extend the duration of a wave.

[MarieJo]

Hi miT, thank you so much for your answer and your advice! I'll get magnesium today and hope this will help with the anxiety. You're right, now that I do a little better, I often want to drink to have some fun, because it has been so rough these last months. But soon after, I regret that I drank.

Hoping for the next window to come soon... best wishes 

[MarieJo]

21 hours ago, scallywag said:

I've listed your medication history as best as I can figure it out.

 

2005: started Paxil 15 mg at age 18 for general anxiety disorder

2016: fast tapered to 5 mg, crashed (tapered to be drug-free before trying to become pregnant)

Aug 2016: increased to 10 mg, no improvement

?? 2016: increased to 15 mg on doctor's suggestion (doctor = father)

 

Oct. 2016: psychiatrist prescription

• stopped Paxil
• Lexapro 20mg
• Amisulpride 100mg  (antipsychotic) and on
• Xanax1mg/day

early Jan. 2017:

• increased Lexapro and the Amisulpride
• quit Xanax

late Jan. 2017: quit Amisulpride and  reinstated a high dose of Paxil (60mg).

 

June 2017: 60 mg Paxil

.

Hello Scallywag,

 

Thank you so much for your welcoming and nice words. It is very nice to read you. I feel really blessed to have found this website. It feels really good to be understood and listened.
Doctors do not even take the time to hear me out about my story. So I really appreciate it.

 

Thanks again for the history of my medicine. I did some modifications in it, now it is complete.

So here we go,

2005: started Paxil 15 mg at age 18 for general anxiety disorder

2016: fast tapered to 5 mg, crashed (tapered to be drug-free before trying to become pregnant)

Aug 2016: increased to 10 mg, no improvement

Sept 2016: increased to 15 mg on doctor's suggestion (doctor = father)

Nov 2016: Increased paxil to 20 mg

October 2016
Was feeling a bit better but still miserable, so went to psychiatrist  that put me on:

• stopped Paxil
• Lexapro 20mg
• Amisulpride 100mg  (antipsychotic) and on
• Xanax1mg/day
• Mirtazapine 15mg

early Jan. 2017:

• increased Lexapro to 30 mg and the Amisulpride 200mg and the Mirtazapine 30mg
• quit Xanax

late Jan. 2017: quit Amisulpride and  reinstated a high dose of Paxil (60mg).

April 2017: quit Amisulpride, Mirtazapine.

June 2017: First taper to 55 mg Paxil

 

 

[MarieJo]

Thank you very much for the links, I'll check them ASAP.

 

I got very scared this week because my last wave lasted longer than the previous ones. But I think there are many different possibilities for this: recently I quit Mirtazapine almost cold turkey. I couldn't stand this drug anymore, was making me so hungry all the time . Maybe I shouldn't have done that, could be paying the price now. The other possibility is the alcohol abuse on Friday night. (drank until 6 in the morning) So yeah, I am quite scared now and I am preparing myself to face harder times again.

 

I know I maybe shouldn't be examine and compare waves to one another and that I'd rather just mindfully accept them, but went I feel bad, I can't help to try to resonate and understand what's happening to me. I get so frustrated of being so powerless, so I guess that I try to have control over this situation by trying to track every feeling and sensation.

 

The symptoms I suffer from the most right now are desperation, crying spells (I could cry all day), anxiety and stupid phobias/OCD like behavior (I recently developed a phobia of ink and walls, so I can barely touch a paper with ink on it or a simple innocent wall without washing my hands afterwards...SO weird) as well as mild insomnia and fast heart beatings.

 

I must say that my general wellbeing has improved over the past months, but it so slow... I get days when I think I'll never be like my old self, like many others sometimes feel here. But I have to stay strong and patient. Time, patience, mindfulness and support will safe us all I think.

 

Many thanks again for your time and interest in my story

Cheers

 

Edited June 14, 2017 by scallywag
deleted quoted welcome post

[miT]

Resistence to being powerless doesn’t make you any less powerless. Definitely in withdrawal you don’t have any control over your feelings whatsoever.

 

So don’t worry about it at all, we are all completely powerless. We just have to sit out the ride in the passenger seat. Our body is doing what has to be done. Trust in its intelligence. After all it still provides a heartbeat.

[scallywag]

MarieJo,

 

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2005: started Paxil 15 mg at age 18 for general anxiety disorder; 2016: fast tapered to 5 mg, crashed

Aug 2016: 10 mg, no improvement; Sept 2016: 15 mg on MD dad's suggestion; Oct 2016:  20 mg some improvement but still miserable

Nov 2016: stopped Paxil; started Lexapro 20mg + Amisulpride 100mg  + Xanax1mg/day +  Mirtazapine 15mg

early Jan. 2017:  increased Lexapro 30 mg  Amisulpride 200mg and the Mirtazapine 30mg; quit Xanax

late Jan. 2017: quit Amisulpride and  reinstated a high dose of Paxil (60mg).

April 2017: quit Amisulpride, Mirtazapine.

June 2017: First taper to 55 mg Paxil

[MarieJo]

 

On 2012-05-15 at 1:29 PM, Altostrata said:

Exercise intolerance, which may occur if your heart rate remains unchanged instead of appropriately increasing and decreasing in response to your activity level

 

Hello Alto,

 

Fist of all I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this website and for all you do for us all. This website has really been my beacon of hope these last few weeks as I finally understand what is happening to me.

 

I would also like to ask you a question regarding your post : Exercise intolerance, which may occur if your heart rate remains unchanged instead of appropriately increasing and decreasing in response to your activity level that you posted back in 2012.

I use to be very sportive before. I went for a 10km run around 2 to 3 times a week. I just loved it. Now that I experience WD from my fast Paxil taper last year, I have noticed that I am unable to run like I did before. I am out of breath and my muscles ache after just a few meters of running.

So my question is: Do you think that this will go away over time? Do you think it is possible that I'll be able to run again like I did before? I am noticing little positive changes in my overall wellbeing and with my physical symptoms, but the running and sport is still an issue. So should I continue running are should I just walk long distances instead?

I also have trouble with my weight. I eat almost nothing, before my appetite is really bad, but still I can't lose the few kilo's I gained since I am eating again.

Is this also going away with time? Or do you think is is due to the Paxil I take now at 55mg/day? Does this maybe influence my metabolism?

 

Thanks a lot for your answers!

Best wishes!

Edited June 15, 2017 by scallywag
moved from topic: What is withdrawal?, in Symptoms forum

[scallywag]

MarieJo, I've moved your post/question from the What is withdrawal syndrome? topic to your introduction topic so that all your information, questions and answers are in one place. 

 

For information that might answer your questions, please read:

Physical exercise and withdrawal.

Exercise: Do more, do less, do nothing? what worked for you?.

Weight gain, weight loss and appetite changes.

[MarieJo]

20 hours ago, scallywag said:

MarieJo, I've moved your post/question from the What is withdrawal syndrome? topic to your introduction topic so that all your information, questions and answers are in one place. 

 

For information that might answer your questions, please read:

Physical exercise and withdrawal.

Exercise: Do more, do less, do nothing? what worked for you?.

Weight gain, weight loss and appetite changes.

Thank you so much Scallywag!!!

[Pandoraa]

I had the same. I quite paroxetine in December this year. I'm female 32 from Poland. 

 

I did Pole dance, fitness,  Argentina tango and I had passion to do this. 

Now I suffer from WD and I have no motivation and power to do anything. 

Also I tapper off paroxetine and WD catched me after 2,5 months. Reinstated of paroxetine made me feel much worse. Now I am on 10 mg paroxetine from 3,5 weeks. 

Weight- paroxetine increase it by changings in appetite and slow down metabolism. 

I was thinking to change to escitalopram as u did but if we are hypersensitive now it doesn't work. 

I worry. 

One day changed my life 360 %

I wrote u private message 

[MarieJo]

Hello FluuuPl! I am glad you contacted me. Actually, I was thinking of switching back to escitalopram as well because of the weight gain. But I think I have to a bit before taking anything else so that my system settles a bit more. I think you should also give it some time. I noticed that time has been my biggest healer up till today. Give your body and mind the time to settle from this big shock (paxil withdrawal). And then, see what's best to do. I am still excercising a lot, even if it doesn't go as well as before my taper. Wait it out. I was like you, I didn't' have any motivation to sport until recently. I just find that it's harder than before, but I stay positive, I will recover and be sportive like before. At any price. Hang in there!!! Stay positive and be very gentle to yourself. You will get through this. Patience and Time will fix us !  

[MarieJo]

Hello everyone,

 

I thought I'd just give some news because the last months have been very positive for me and I wish to give other people hope because, if I got better there’s a good chance that you’ll get better as well.

 

My story is much like everyone else’s story here. I experienced horrible withdrawal symptoms that lasted approximately one year after tapering to fast from my antidepressant. It was without a doubt the hardest year of my life, and I still cannot believe I am so much better now. I got to a point in my withdrawal where I just had given up all hope to be my old self ever again. I had very bad depression, intense anxiety, developed the weirdest phobias (I had extreme irrational fear about ink and walls for instance), I also suffered from horrible insomnia and heart palpitations. All these symptoms went away veeeeeeeeery progressively. When in the middle of my withdrawal I never would have thought that I would heal completely. I noticed very little improvement along the way, but they were so tiny that I thought it would take a lifetime to get to my old self.

 

And miraculously, everything started to get really better the day I decided to leave my boyfriend (who was not very comprehensive of my situation and with whom I wasn’t really happy) and to focus on my life and what I wanted to make out of it. I decided to listen to my self and to embrace my weaknesses and to be proud of my qualities. From that moment, the symptoms got milder (very slowly but surely) and I started to live a more normal life again.

 

I am not saying that my symptoms were caused by my unhappy relationship and my life prior to the withdrawal, but it really helped to make some room for myself and to be ‘selfish’ in a way. I still suffered from horrible withdrawal symptoms, but I felt hope for the first time since months. And the fact I had hope again made it possible for me to begin healing more significantly.

 

I now take 25mg of Paxil. I Began my taper in June 2017 from 60mg. The discontinuation of my Paxil treatment is going very smoothly at the moment. My tapering is very slow. I give myself approximately 6 months to taper to the next dosage. (-5mg)

 

So please, if you are in the middle of withdrawal, and you completely loose hope to feel better again, know that it is possible to heal. Please don’t hesitate to write me a message. I’ll be more than happy to help you and to bring you hope.

[Bobo71]

MarieJo

 

this is a real tonic to hear. I am at the low point in withdrawal and feel the full force of all the many symptoms. I CT prozac 10 months ago but had to reinstate to avoid total collapse. The RI of a small dose was a month ago and has made no difference so I am somewhat desolate with the absence of any options except just killing time hoping for some improvement to emerge.