Nitt1978: Off antidepressants for the first time in 17 years

[Nitt1978]

Hello everyone,

 

I've heard good things about this site so I decided to check it out. I will be 39 years old on Sunday and have been suffering from treatment resistant depression for over 17 years. I was diagnosed as bipolar after having one manic episode in 2000 and have been suffering from depression ever since. I have been on over 15 medications. I recently tapered off of my last antidepressant Pristiq about 6 weeks ago. My doc has kept me on 200mg of Lamictal and 30mg of adderall(which I'm conflicted about). I was so excited about not being on an antidepressant for the first time in 17 years. The first few weeks were rough but the symptoms have been getting worse with the last two weeks being absolutely horrible. I really really really do not want to go back on antidepressant but I'm at my wits end! I have much more to share but I don't want to make this too long. I guess I'm just looking for a kind soul to share this with and maybe give some advice....

[KarenB]

Hello Nitt - welcome to SA,

 

Can you share details of how you tapered the pristiq, and when and how you tapered any of the others within the last year or so?  Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature – all drugs/dates/dosages etc. so we can see your situation easily whenever you post, and help you more accurately.  Thanks.

 

As you've discovered, tapering too quickly can destabilise your Central Nervous System and bring on withdrawal symptoms.  Reinstatement is the best way to relieve this, but it is best done as soon as possible.   If you decide to reinstate, it would not be back at your old dose but something smaller as your brain will have adjusted part-way to being off the drug. 

 

Once you are stable again (probably after a few months of being back on a steady dose) you could taper off according to our 10% monthly guide. This allows your brain time to adjust as you go, and lessens any withdrawal.  Tips for Tapering Pristiq

 

In the mean time, you can begin to put things in place which can help ease withdrawal.  Many people find Fish oil and Magnesium useful during withdrawal.  Also see Non-Drug Techniques to cope with emotional symptoms.  Getting your diet a bit healthier, building good hydrating habits, cutting out coffee or alcohol - all these are important. 

 

Have a read of those and then you can come back to this thread to discuss things further.  This can be your journal to record your tapering and healing progress, and to ask questions. With time and good care, you will be able to one day be off this drug. 

 

Welcome to SA,

Karen

 

Edited June 15, 2017 by KarenB
added white space cause it keeps disappearing!

[Nitt1978]

Has anyone stopped an antidepressant and stayed on Adderral? I'm 11 weeks off of Pristiq and for the first time in 17 years not on an antidepressant. I've stayed on Lamictal 200mg with the 30mg XR Adderral. 

 

The energy, boost in mood, enhanced concentration benefit from the adderall has stopped. I know that I have built the tolerance to it. My ultimate goal was to be med free but the last two weeks have been the worst that I can remember. Very withdrawn, brain seems to be shutting down. Heavy head and pressure is horrible. Memory is getting worse. Struggling to find words or to hold conversations. Increased social anxiety. Extreme irritability. My back and neck are full of painful knots that get worse as the day goes along. I really don't want to start another antidepressant but I don't know how much more of this I can take* Anybody have a similar story?

[KarenB]

Hello Nitt,

 

I merged your two Intro topics, as it's one per member.  Any time you want to ask questions or add more to your story, just reply in this thread.  What did you think of the reinstatement option I outlined above? 

[Pepita]

Hi Nitt, 

you have been on medication for a very long time. Try to be as patient as you can! Die I get it right, you are 6 weeks off? that is really nothing, you whole system needs to get used to being off meds and that takes time. Do you have support? family, friends who know about your withdrawals? 

 

[Nitt1978]

Hi Pepita,

 

Thank you for your comment. I actually checked the calendar and it's been 11 weeks... That's how bad my memory is. I'm trying to stay positive. I run everyday and have tried to eat better. But it's not getting any better. I keep thinking about telling my doc to prescribe another antidepressant but that just makes me feel defeated. Yes I am close to my family but they don't know how bad it is. My girlfriend has been great but I feel myself getting irritated with her when she's done nothing wrong. I feel like I am pushing her away. I am just tired of answering "how are you?" I feel like a broken record.

[Nitt1978]

4 hours ago, Pepita said:

Hi Nitt, 

you have been on medication for a very long time. Try to be as patient as you can! Die I get it right, you are 6 weeks off? that is really nothing, you whole system needs to get used to being off meds and that takes time. Do you have support? family, friends who know about your withdrawals? 

 

 

23 hours ago, KarenB said:

Hello Nitt,

 

I merged your two Intro topics, as it's one per member.  Any time you want to ask questions or add more to your story, just reply in this thread.  What did you think of the reinstatement option I outlined above? 

 

Hi Karen,

 

Thank you for the kind words. It's actually been 11 weeks off and I don't want go back on that awful drug and then have to go thru this all over again 

[Petunia]

Hi Nitt, welcome from me too.

I'm sorry to hear you have been struggling so much. I can understand why you don't want to start taking antidepressants again, now that you have stopped. No one wants to reinstate. But the problem is, sometimes withdrawal can last a long time and get much worse before it gets better. I don't want to scare you, but for some people it can last months and even years.

 

Actually, I can't find any details of how your tapered. Please would you add some details about this?

 

Reinstatement of a small amount of the drug can often work well to alleviate withdrawal symptoms. According to medical knowledge, reinstatement is the only way to alleviate withdrawal. Reinstatement is best done immediately upon appearance of symptoms. The more time that passes, the less likely it is to work. Once you have stabilized on a low dose of the drug, then a slower, safer taper can be started. Here is some information about reinstatement to help you decide if its something you would like to try:  About reinstating and stabilizing to stop withdrawal symptoms

 

Of course its your decision, and we will support you either way, but I strongly recommend you consider reinstating and then tapering slower.

We suggest reducing by no more than 10% of the current dose every 4 weeks, this reduces the risk of withdrawal symptoms arising. Please read through this which will explain why:

  

Why taper by 10% of my dosage? 

 

[Pepita]

9 hours ago, Nitt1978 said:

Hi Pepita,

 

Thank you for your comment. I actually checked the calendar and it's been 11 weeks... That's how bad my memory is. I'm trying to stay positive. I run everyday and have tried to eat better. But it's not getting any better. I keep thinking about telling my doc to prescribe another antidepressant but that just makes me feel defeated. Yes I am close to my family but they don't know how bad it is. My girlfriend has been great but I feel myself getting irritated with her when she's done nothing wrong. I feel like I am pushing her away. I am just tired of answering "how are you?" I feel like a broken record.

 

You could try stop running and just got for walks for a while- see if that makes you a little bit better. For some - including me- sport makes everything worse because it affects the nervous system (which is working really hard already to heal from the AD's). I am a very sportive person (MMA, weight lifting) but I could not train for almost a year because it made me feel so much worse. Now I am training again on a more or less regular basis (I am 2 years off) but I still can't go with full intensity. No sparring, light conditioning etc... it is a real pain in the ass but I'd rather feel better  

 

As for your family/girlfriend: I know exactly what you mean! I felt so unworthy of my boyfriend and I felt

horrrrrrible all the time which I did not want to bring on him constantly because I was afraid that I would become too much for him. also that feeling angry or irritated is withdrawal related for sure. believe me- if there are no known issues in your relationship, you can blame all your weird feelings on withdrawal. 

What I did was to sort of "educate" my bf, told him about articles and stuff that I've read on withdrawal and I often told him that I am feeling aweful but it has nothing to do with him. Personally I found that it helped me to get it out in the open, but as well to tell him that it's not because of him or not because I don't love him or whatever but that I simply cannot feel otherwise at the moment because ... 

 

same counts for family;) I even made up a color system for my feelings so that I don't habe to tell them everything in detail every time.. I felt like an idiot sharing the same **** so often. Red would be horrible, orange so so and green ok;) 

 

I am wishing you all the best and a short withdrawal story but if it seems to be takong forever, remind yourself that you have been on drugs for a long time. It can take a while to recover. It may come faster than you think, or take longer but the most important thinkg is that you're giving your body the chance to heal. 

[joy2730]

I have been reading CITA website for the first time today, after hearing its name on a podcast.  In it they suggest using St John's Wort for a few months after coming off antidepressants completely.  I am reluctant to recommend anything, but it is herbal, and is easier to come off apparently.  This may prevent you from having to go back on an AD or from reinstating.  I don't know, what do the moderators think?  Joy

[KarenB]

More info here:  st john's wort, It's not recommended for people on psychiatric drugs or for those in withdrawal as it can ramp up your symptoms.  It also increases your chances of getting serotonin syndrome. 

[Nitt1978]

15 hours ago, Pepita said:

 

You could try stop running and just got for walks for a while- see if that makes you a little bit better. For some - including me- sport makes everything worse because it affects the nervous system (which is working really hard already to heal from the AD's). I am a very sportive person (MMA, weight lifting) but I could not train for almost a year because it made me feel so much worse. Now I am training again on a more or less regular basis (I am 2 years off) but I still can't go with full intensity. No sparring, light conditioning etc... it is a real pain in the ass but I'd rather feel better  

 

As for your family/girlfriend: I know exactly what you mean! I felt so unworthy of my boyfriend and I felt

horrrrrrible all the time which I did not want to bring on him constantly because I was afraid that I would become too much for him. also that feeling angry or irritated is withdrawal related for sure. believe me- if there are no known issues in your relationship, you can blame all your weird feelings on withdrawal. 

What I did was to sort of "educate" my bf, told him about articles and stuff that I've read on withdrawal and I often told him that I am feeling aweful but it has nothing to do with him. Personally I found that it helped me to get it out in the open, but as well to tell him that it's not because of him or not because I don't love him or whatever but that I simply cannot feel otherwise at the moment because ... 

 

same counts for family;) I even made up a color system for my feelings so that I don't habe to tell them everything in detail every time.. I felt like an idiot sharing the same **** so often. Red would be horrible, orange so so and green ok;) 

 

I am wishing you all the best and a short withdrawal story but if it seems to be takong forever, remind yourself that you have been on drugs for a long time. It can take a while to recover. It may come faster than you think, or take longer but the most important thinkg is that you're giving your body the chance to heal. 

Hey Pepita,

 

First of all I love the color thing. I may just have to try it! Same old s**t is right. It's just so redundant and I would love nothing more than to say I feel great! It just makes me feel worse saying it everyday. Especially when she can definitely see right thru the "i'm fine". She's really been great thru all of this. We've only been dating for 7 months. I was with and married a miserable woman for 7 years before her. That's a whole other story for another time. I just feel like I was "false advertising" when we met. I was doing my best acting job of being happy when we met (we really are the best actors right!). And as it's gotten worse over these last two months or so it makes me feel horrible that I brought her into this. I've told her she can use her get out of jail free card whenever she wants. But she says she loves me no matter what and that she is here for me always. But over the last couple of months while it's gotten bad all I do is get irritated by her. I know it's the depression but she has a lot of problems herself. There is always something wrong with her... She is always in pain or not feeling good. I know it is totally selfish but when I literally drag myself to go to work and get thru my day it is extra exhausting when I come home and she is complaining about something. It's not that I want to be babied(although us guys do like that?) it's just that I don't have the energy to comfort and take care of her like I should. All I do is get extra annoyed. I've been feeling like this isn't going to work. That we have a co-dependant rrelationship. One of us is always complaining about something. I don't know. It just sucks right now.

 

Your exercising experience intrigues me. The thing of it is I'm very OCD about it too. I've been running for years now and I always say it helps to get me moving in the morning when all I want to do is die. Wow mornings suck so bad. But other exercise just isn't the same. The remote runner's high that I get it's just not there if I walk or bike. And omg if I miss a day...i feel even worse and guilty about not running. 

 

Anywho thanks for listening. If you don't mind can you share your story with me. I'm still trying to figure out this site. 

Hope you are well tonight!

[Pepita]

I understand what you say about training!!! I never ran but I was a training junkie too. At least 6 days a week, boxing, kickboxing, weight lifting etc. It killed me that I wasn't able to go to the gym and the classes anymore but I really couldn't for a while. No way. in the first 6-8 montsh I couldn't because I was mentally unable (and would have been physically as well I am quite sure of) and then, when I started going there again, I realized that I always became miserable afterwards (though I enjoyed the training itself). 

 

i also know exactly what you mean by "all you wanna say is that your fine (and mean it;))" I really do. It sucks so bad getting up every morning tonthe same misery. I had it going on for months. At night I would be so tired of horrible days I's say to myself: tomorrow is going to be better. And then in the morning it would just feel the same. But I am telling you- when the windows come- this suddenly turns. You wake up, you really feel at ease and happily excited about a new day! what were your conditions before taking ADs? I habe to check in your thread. 

 

I originally had light panick attacks due to stressing life situations- and ended up with 100 more issues after these drugs ?

Slowly I am evolving;) 

 

about your girlfriend: hmmmmmm WD really is a bad place to be there for others. I couldn't cope with any issued of friends/family for a while. I am

lucky that my bf is a very constant, mentally stable person but I remember that for a few weeks in my heavy WD-phase he was very unhappy with his job situation. But he's the kind of man who doesn't talk about his feelings. He tries to hide them - but is not so good at it;) or I am very sensitive to other peoples feelings. Anyway, I got totally paranoid about him being different and started obsessing about why he is this way now, if it's me, does he have an affair, is he dying from a rare disease.. I don't know, all kinds of crazy. And I have one or two friends with mental

issues, I just wasn't able to see them for a while because everything about them wohld bump me out. I felt like the worse person ever for avoiding them but I had to fight so hard every day to get the basics done (work, eat, sleep) I just couldn't handle more. 

Do you live together? otherwise I'd say take a few breaks, evenings for yourself? 

Edited June 18, 2017 by scallywag
deleted quote of immediately previous post for readability

[Pepita]

ps: I just checked about your pre-existing conditions. Is your depression worse now than before or is it constantly the same? So meds never worked, have you been doing counselling? pfff.. bipolar.. once a doctor suggested that I am that as well.. I thought: you idiot.. you go feel terrible for a few weeks and then don't feel super super over the hill good when this nightmare is finally over  people who always feel more or less the same just don't know... 

[Nitt1978]

Hey there. Well today was my birthday so I spent it pretending to be happy and that everything was ok. So much fun! Hope you had a good day.

 

Yeah I hate labels too and I think it's funny to be branded bipolar after one manic episode almost 20 years ago. But it definitely was a manic episode which I'll have to share sometime. It was during my last semester in college. But I'm pretty sure it we fueled by being on an antidepressant for the first time combined with the stress of graduating plus a sh*t ton of alcohol.... But alas I am "bipolar". 

 

I fell into a deep depression after I stabilized. I had ECT for the first time. Much of the past 17 years is a blur so I hardly remember it. (I just tried ECT again almost 2 years ago but I stopped after six sessions. I know I should have done more but I wasn't seeing any improvement and the headaches just didn't seem worth it. In hindsight I wish I had stuck with it. That's another one of my problems. I probably didn't give a lot of these AD's I went on enough of a chance before stopping them and trying another one. But looking back none of them ever did much for me. I'm sure I've had some Windows over the years but like I said it's mostly a blur and I can't remember the last time I truly felt good. Felt happy. The more I try to remember the more it upsets me that I've fought for this many years. The thing of it is I'm realizing the last time I felt good /happy I was just a kid. A frat boy in college partying all of the time. So I don't know what happy should feel like now that I'm in full adulting mode. I keep saying I've never been "sad, crying depressed ". If these physical symptoms would go away... I've begun to pray to God to please just ease the symptoms... I've stopped praying for him to take them away. I'm kinda all over the place right now. Sorry?

Edited June 19, 2017 by scallywag
add extra lines after paragraphs; deleted quote of immediately preceding post for readability

[Pepita]

14 hours ago, Nitt1978 said:

...

The thing of it is I'm realizing the last time I felt good /happy I was just a kid. A frat boy in college partying all of the time. So I don't know what happy should feel like now that I'm in full adulting mode. I keep saying I've never been "sad, crying depressed ". If these physical symptoms would go away... I've begun to pray to God to please just ease the symptoms... I've stopped praying for him to take them away. I'm kinda all over the place right now. Sorry?

First time in my life I prayed in Withdrawal (I am not a religious person at all, not even baptized ?) and immediately felt so silly that I stopped but well.. WD got me to the poont where I thought my last chance is to pray and if there's anything out there with the power to help me so pleeeeeeaaaaaaseee.. I understand.

I mean no one can say for sure but it could be that you had this blur/headache/depression BECAUSE of th e meds. So you had a stressful time at college / growing up/ alcohol et... I had my first bout of panic attacks around this time as well. I was never depressed (just always had a tendency to "feel a lot") and with the years of being on and off meds (though I luckily kept dosage and intake low) I got my first episodes of depression. second time I quit ad's I experienced it the first time. And I KNOW if I never had started meds in the first time I would be in a very different place right now. Well.. there must be a reason to all of this. 

you'll experience happiness again and the next time you will, it will be a 100 times better because you know that it's purely YOU who feels that way and not chemistry:)))

Edited June 19, 2017 by scallywag
trimmed quote to relevant portion