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DaveB: Trying to stop a roller coaster year

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Altostrata
7 hours ago, Utah49er said:

I am working on it, though my symptoms are pretty much just anxiety symptoms. Sweating, anxious restless feeling, shaking hands, sometimes I feel burning skin or like my eyes are burning. They kind of come in waves throughout the day, strongest in the morning, weakest at night, though I can still have some pretty strong waves at night from time to time. I have heard a lot about "windows and waves" however I have heard this usually referred to in terms of days, weeks, or months. I get them in hours and minutes...is that normal? Is it bad?

 

Do these symptoms follow any daily pattern? Please keep notes as bubble requested, the timing of symptoms is important.

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DaveB
2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Do these symptoms follow any daily pattern? Please keep notes as bubble requested, the timing of symptoms is important.

 

5:00 - 6:30AM - Early Waking, some anxiety.

7:00 - 7:30AM - Out of bed, anxiety increases to very high level.

8:00AM - 20MGs Paxil

9:00AM - 2g Omega 3, Multivitamin, Probiotic, 250mgs Magnisium, DHEA

11:00AM - Take 300mgs Pregabalin Anxiety begins to decrease.

11:00AM - 3PM - Usually pretty good window of lower anxiety with glimpses of feeling like my previous normal self. 

3PM - 7PM - Anxiety seems to uptick a bit, not as bad as Morning, but usually worse than eay afternoon

7PM - 11PM - Anxiety on the level with early afternoon, lower anxiety with glimpses of feeling normal, but certainly not normal yet.

11PM - 300MGs Pregabalin and Bed.

 

This was today, and feels like it has been a pretty standard pattern for the last couple of weeks and maybe longer, I have just started paying attention the last few weeks though since reinstating the Paxil. Also, is it bad I am "reinstating" a different drug than the one I was on, should I be thinking of switching back to Zoloft for reinstatement?

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DaveB
14 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Do these symptoms follow any daily pattern? Please keep notes as bubble requested, the timing of symptoms is important.

 

Does my timeline tell you anything? Tracking symptoms is tough for me cause the anxiety just comes in waves constantly throughout the day and consists of shaking (mostly in hands), restlessness, sweating, feeling sensitive/burning skin and sometimes a little in my eyes, and racing thoughts some of an OCDish quality (mostly centered around "will this ever get better?" "what has happened to me?" "why can't I go back to normal?" "how am I feeling?" "is it getting better/worse?" ect). 

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DaveB
On 2017-06-25 at 6:12 PM, DaveWales said:

 

I saw this on Pregablin the other day. I'm not sure if its helpful, but it's interesting - 


https://youtu.be/8fc8sXWopBs

 

Yikes! This kinda makes me want to get off the pregabalin ASAP!

Edited by DaveB
replace embedded youtube video with URL

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DaveB
On 6/25/2017 at 0:08 AM, Finn25 said:

Yes, and that's really the big sign to me that my CNS was stabilizing was when I started being able to sleep to my alarm. From April until August, I'd wake regularly between 4:00 and 5:30.  Then I started having stretches were my sleep improved. Now, I only occasionally have trouble sleeping.  I get waves of symptoms around once or twice a month where I have trouble sleeping for a day or two, but that's it these days.  In reading other people's intros, panicky high-cortisol mornings waking people up is a quintessential WD symptom, so you have lots of company with that. I think it's a sign of a CNS that's been put into a mode of chaos but works itself out with time. Hopefully others will chime in, but the timing of your anxiety sounds very normal. 

This is good to know! I know it is silly, but it feels better to know you aren't the only one. Is anxiety your main issue during "waves"? Did you ever get "windows" and "waves" in like minute or hour intervals rather than days, weeks or months?

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DaveB
On 6/25/2017 at 4:12 AM, bubble said:

Keep notes on paper about your drug dosages and daily symptom pattern

 

Does my timeline tell you anything? Tracking symptoms is tough for me cause the anxiety just comes in waves constantly throughout the day and consists of shaking (mostly in hands), restlessness, sweating, feeling sensitive/burning skin and sometimes a little in my eyes, and racing thoughts some of an OCDish quality (mostly centered around "will this ever get better?" "what has happened to me?" "why can't I go back to normal?" "how am I feeling?" "is it getting better/worse?" ect). 

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ShakeyJerr
55 minutes ago, Utah49er said:

Did you ever get "windows" and "waves" in like minute or hour intervals rather than days, weeks or months?

 

Many of us get that. I call it "rapid cycling." I think it is caused by the brain and nervous system reconstructing themselves, like you would see on a busy, noisy work site. It's laying down new neurons, testing pathways, checking the neurotransmitter levels, fiddling around with the cortisol dials... all part and parcel of the recovery process!

 

SJ

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DaveB
13 minutes ago, ShakeyJerr said:

 

Many of us get that. I call it "rapid cycling." I think it is caused by the brain and nervous system reconstructing themselves, like you would see on a busy, noisy work site. It's laying down new neurons, testing pathways, checking the neurotransmitter levels, fiddling around with the cortisol dials... all part and parcel of the recovery process!

 

SJ

Ha! I really like that analogy, thank you for your reply and weighing in! How are you doing in your recovery Jerr?

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ShakeyJerr
29 minutes ago, Utah49er said:

Ha! I really like that analogy, thank you for your reply and weighing in! How are you doing in your recovery Jerr?

 

You're welcome! Weighing in and helping others is what we're here for, all of us on SA! This community is indeed a lifeline!

 

I am doing ok in my recovery. Definitely in the windows and waves pattern - though I must say my windows are measured in hours still. I pretty much cycle daily - early morning rising anxiety (darn cortisol dumps!), background anxiety that lingers most of the day, crying jags (usually triggered by stress) - pretty much the full round of symptoms - until I get a few hours of relief in the evening.

 

My family and I have had a lot of life stress lately, which has unfortunately set me back a bit; the past few days have seen a lot of anxiety and crying. But I am confident that God will put things to right once we persevere through these trials, and my symptoms will tamp back down.

 

Keep on healing!

 

SJ

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bubble
1 hour ago, Utah49er said:

 

Does my timeline tell you anything? Tracking symptoms is tough for me cause the anxiety just comes in waves constantly throughout the day and consists of shaking (mostly in hands), restlessness, sweating, feeling sensitive/burning skin and sometimes a little in my eyes, and racing thoughts some of an OCDish quality (mostly centered around "will this ever get better?" "what has happened to me?" "why can't I go back to normal?" "how am I feeling?" "is it getting better/worse?" ect). 

You did a very good job of recording your symptoms!

 

I asked Alto to have a look if she has the time. To me it looks very promising! Exactly as early days of stabilising look like. What you can expect over the next days (and weeks) is lessening of symptoms and those periods of feeling almost normal getting bigger.

 

Typically we do recommend reistating the same drug (and a smaller dose). But since you have been on this drug and dose for almost a month/3 weeks now and showing clear signs of stabilising I would stick with it.

 

Before I discovered this site I would reinstate a different AD and I pulled through every time. It's a slow process, improvements are seen on a weekly and monthly basis but it's a very busy construction site as Jerr so nicely described and healing is happening.

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DaveB
2 hours ago, bubble said:

You did a very good job of recording your symptoms!

 

I asked Alto to have a look if she has the time. To me it looks very promising! Exactly as early days of stabilising look like. What you can expect over the next days (and weeks) is lessening of symptoms and those periods of feeling almost normal getting bigger.

 

Typically we do recommend reistating the same drug (and a smaller dose). But since you have been on this drug and dose for almost a month/3 weeks now and showing clear signs of stabilising I would stick with it.

 

Before I discovered this site I would reinstate a different AD and I pulled through every time. It's a slow process, improvements are seen on a weekly and monthly basis but it's a very busy construction site as Jerr so nicely described and healing is happening.

 

Sounds good, I will be interested in hearing what Alto has to say as well. While I have still had plenty of anxiety, and periods where I really feel quite poorly, I have pretty much slept to my alarm the last 2 nights (something I have never done on an SSRI since quitting Zoloft in October) and I feel like my windows of feeling more like myself and looking forward to things in life are increasing. 

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DaveB
4 hours ago, bubble said:

You did a very good job of recording your symptoms!

 

I asked Alto to have a look if she has the time. To me it looks very promising! Exactly as early days of stabilising look like. What you can expect over the next days (and weeks) is lessening of symptoms and those periods of feeling almost normal getting bigger.

 

Typically we do recommend reistating the same drug (and a smaller dose). But since you have been on this drug and dose for almost a month/3 weeks now and showing clear signs of stabilising I would stick with it.

 

Before I discovered this site I would reinstate a different AD and I pulled through every time. It's a slow process, improvements are seen on a weekly and monthly basis but it's a very busy construction site as Jerr so nicely described and healing is happening.

 

I have seen it said on this site that reinstating after a long time makes it worse, is 3 months off a long time? How will I know if reinstatement is working or not? How long do I give it as a trial? 

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KarenB

The fact that your sleep is showing signs of improving is a VERY good sign that you are starting to stabilise.  You should feel really encouraged by that.  

 

Reinstating after a long time doesn't necessarily make things worse, it's just that it's less likely to work.  However three months out is not so bad.  We've had others who've successfully reinstated much later on.  As Bubble and ShakyJerr said, it's looking pretty normal for early days, and things should continue to improve.  You're in the really hard times now, but one day you'll be out of that phase and you'll realise you are doing pretty well. 

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DaveB
33 minutes ago, KarenB said:

The fact that your sleep is showing signs of improving is a VERY good sign that you are starting to stabilise.  You should feel really encouraged by that.  

 

Reinstating after a long time doesn't necessarily make things worse, it's just that it's less likely to work.  However three months out is not so bad.  We've had others who've successfully reinstated much later on.  As Bubble and ShakyJerr said, it's looking pretty normal for early days, and things should continue to improve.  You're in the really hard times now, but one day you'll be out of that phase and you'll realise you are doing pretty well. 

 

Sounds great, thank you! I have had another afternoon "wave" today. As I said, I improve late morning/early afternoon, only to have my symptoms hit me again in the late afternoon, before abating in the evening. Any idea on why that would be? Good to know these are the hard times and I should look for better times to come after I stabilize with the reinstatement. You said stabilization can take months...correct? So I will try not to expect too much too soon, but it is hard to be patient for sure. You have been such a help to me, I greatly appreciate it!

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KarenB

Yes, stabilisation can take months.  However it happens bit by bit - so you might notice some small things improving in the next week or so, even if you still wouldn't call yourself stabilised yet. 

 

21 hours ago, Utah49er said:

11:00AM - Take 300mgs Pregabalin Anxiety begins to decrease.

 

This could be due to the fact that cortisol levels drop off later in the morning. 

 

I'm not sure why you'd have worsened symptoms towards late afternoon, except that we all have our own particular w/d pathway.  You don't do anything overly active in the early afternoon?  Drink a coffee?  Although, pregabalin does cause grogginess.  Is that one of the later afternoon symptoms?

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ShakeyJerr
16 hours ago, Utah49er said:

I have pretty much slept to my alarm the last 2 nights (something I have never done on an SSRI since quitting Zoloft in October) and I feel like my windows of feeling more like myself and looking forward to things in life are increasing. 

 

That right there pretty much makes you a rock star on this site!

 

SJ

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DaveB
15 hours ago, KarenB said:

The fact that your sleep is showing signs of improving is a VERY good sign that you are starting to stabilise.  You should feel really encouraged by that.  

 

I am encouraged, my daughter woke me up at 5AM today and I was very worried there would be no way I would go back to sleep. Well I did, and slept to my alarm at 7AM, so I have to think this is positive (though I still feel A LOT of anxiety pretty much all day, I wish stabilizing meant I would be further along in this department). 

 

3 hours ago, ShakeyJerr said:

 

That right there pretty much makes you a rock star on this site!

 

SJ

 

Thanks Jerr...though with my anxiety I certainly don't feel like a rock star!

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DaveB
18 hours ago, KarenB said:

As Bubble and ShakyJerr said, it's looking pretty normal for early days, and things should continue to improve.  You're in the really hard times now, but one day you'll be out of that phase and you'll realise you are doing pretty well. 

 

On 6/26/2017 at 11:31 AM, bubble said:

To me it looks very promising! Exactly as early days of stabilising look like. What you can expect over the next days (and weeks) is lessening of symptoms and those periods of feeling almost normal getting bigger.

 

Why is it every-time I feel like I may be progressing and coming out of it, I get hit with high anxiety that doesn't want to quit? I have been experiencing pretty high anxiety since yesterday afternoon (which is weird cause it doesn't fit my usual daily pattern). Even with this I actually slept very well last night, and woke to my alarm at 7AM, so the early morning cortisol seems to be resolving. Also I am less shaky in my hands, so I would think that is also a good sign, so maybe this anxiety increase is all in my head, but I feel quite poor. Also is it possible my fish oil is contributing to my anxiety? I didn't take any supplements when I 1st got on Zoloft 9 years ago, and I was able to reduce my dosage from 150mgs to 50mgs of Zoloft quite quickly after starting fish oil. I remained steady on the 50mgs for 4 years and anytime I tried to increase to 100mgs (during short blips I would get that would last 1-3 weeks) it would always feel like too much and I would decrease to 50mgs again and feel fine. Is it possible the fish oil is making me more sensitive to SSRIs and therefore making it harder to reinstate? Or is it just my anxiety trying to "figure things out," and placing the blame on whatever I can find? 

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ShakeyJerr
2 minutes ago, Utah49er said:

Or is it just my anxiety trying to "figure things out," and placing the blame on whatever I can find?

 

Symptom shifts are pretty common during recovery. It goes back to the construction site analogy. Different parts of the brain heal at different times, our biochemistry is trying to regulate, and our nervous system is healing in fits and starts. Also, the recovery brain and nervous system resists change - even ones that are potentially good. It has learned to view everything as an enemy at first due to the previous dependence on the meds and the damage that they did. It's like they have to build trust in every new thing, in every supplement change, dosage drop, diet change, and whatever arises in our life circumstances.

 

I've had higher anxiety the past several days than I had been having - and today was rough. But when I review what is going on in my life - sudden horrible job stress for my wife and a bunch of other annoying occurrences in rapid succession, my relapse into bad eating habits (darn those family parties!), and a change I made in my supplement routine right before this all happened (I wouldn't have made the change if I had any inkling what stresses were around the corner - hindsight is 20/20) I know not to get discouraged, that my body will adjust (God - I pray it happens soon!).

I guess my point is, we have to hang on and avoid hyper-examining every little symptom change. Sometimes, we just have to ride the wave and let it play out.

 

Be good!

 

SJ

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KarenB

If you haven't already, have a squiz at this:  the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization

It's got a pretty graph in there that might make you feel better.  And if you scroll right to near the end of the whole thread, another pretty picture which will also make you smile. 

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DaveB
37 minutes ago, KarenB said:

If you haven't already, have a squiz at this:  the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization

It's got a pretty graph in there that might make you feel better.  And if you scroll right to near the end of the whole thread, another pretty picture which will also make you smile. 

 

Thanks Karen, I have seen many people say they were unable to reinstate. Does that mean they did what i am doing but never stablaized? How will I know if that is me, if I am one that is unable to reinstate?

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KarenB

So far, the signs for your reinstatement being successful are pretty good.  (The improved sleep etc). 

 

It is true that some people do what you are doing but don't stabilise.  It's highly individual, as so many factors have an influence on the situation.  All you can do is look at what results you are getting - and so far yours are encouraging. 

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DaveB
3 hours ago, KarenB said:

So far, the signs for your reinstatement being successful are pretty good.  (The improved sleep etc). 

 

It is true that some people do what you are doing but don't stabilise.  It's highly individual, as so many factors have an influence on the situation.  All you can do is look at what results you are getting - and so far yours are encouraging. 

Ok, thank you! Just with this disastrous attempt to both get off and then back on these meds and 5 months of constant anxiety, it feels like I will never get back to being me again!

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ShakeyJerr
9 hours ago, Utah49er said:

Ok, thank you! Just with this disastrous attempt to both get off and then back on these meds and 5 months of constant anxiety, it feels like I will never get back to being me again!

 

You are never going to be "you" again - you are going to be a new and improve you!

 

I have a question about your anxiety: do you find that it is more a physical thing that turns into a mental thing? I am really trying to "chicken or egg" this whole anxiety thing ADW recoverers deal with. I am becoming convinced that it begins as more of a physical sensation that sets off the mental/emotional spiral. We know that our adrenals are fatigued and that our cortisol levels fluctuate wildly because of the withdrawal, and things that calm the cortisol system are helpful. I am now doing some research into the amygdala, where the cortisol rushes to give us the fight or flight feeling. I am looking into ways to heal the amygdala and get it under better control.

 

SJ

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DaveWales

Hi, has anyone developed sensitivities to chemicals like deodorants whilst going through withdrawal? Does this get better and return to normal ? 

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KarenB

I can't use things like lavender oils in my bath any more.  My skin in general is way more sensitive to everything - even burns I got recently from hot water were way worse than they'd have been in the past.  Red for a few months now.  And I can't bear the smells of perfume or nail polish or remover - they all seem so harsh now.  I use a fairly natural deoderant, which so far seems fine.  But I can see why it could easily bother some people in w/d - everything seems fair game. 

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DaveB

So a lot of my symptoms continue to improve. My sleep is really good, if I wake early it is usually at like 6:30 instead of like 4:30, and I can pretty much always go back to sleep if I want. I feel like I am less shaky in my hands than I have been, but it kind of comes and goes, and (sorry if it is tmi) I don't have loose stool for the 1st time in months. However anxiety wise, I feel like it had been worse this week than last. My windows maybe seem shorter throughout the day, and my waves seem longer and possible stronger. Still is worse earlier in the day, and gets better at night. Does it still sound like I am stabalizing, or am I going backward? How soon should I be looking for really good results with my anxiety when stabalizing?

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KarenB

It helps to keep the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization in mind.  You have really good signs of stabilising, but it is a frustrating process because it isn't linear.  Different symptoms will come and go, but overall improvement will happen.  So many people here will be jealous of your sleep hours!  What tools are you using to deal with the anxiety?

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DaveB
On 6/30/2017 at 1:07 AM, KarenB said:

It helps to keep the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization in mind.  You have really good signs of stabilising, but it is a frustrating process because it isn't linear.  Different symptoms will come and go, but overall improvement will happen.  So many people here will be jealous of your sleep hours!  What tools are you using to deal with the anxiety?

 

Sorry it has been a few days. I do mindfulness meditation at times, but usually I just try to tell myself it is not me, "it is body chemicals causing this, it will pass." Actually telling myself I am just experiencing a "wave" and trying to go about my day is usually the way I handle it. 

 

I really hope I am stabilizing. Sleep continues to be good, haven't had any sleep problems now for almost a full week. Last couple of days anxiety has seemed less frequent and less intense, but it feels like every time I say to myself "this is it, you are finally starting to stabilize," I get a strong intense wave like I have tonight that doesn't seem to go away. 

 

My wife is out of town with the kids and asked how I was doing, my response was "I think this is the beginning of the end," meaning I am not stable, but I could see myself in a few weeks saying, "that was when stabilizing started." However, about and hour or two after I texted her that I was hit by another "wave" and I can't seem to get out of it, I feel like I am back to square one and the anxiety is as bad as ever, and I will never get better!

 

I have read some posts here where people have been going through withdrawals for YEARS! Can it really take me years to stabalize? There is no way I can continue to live the way I am and have been the last 5 months for the next 3-4 years. Is there any hope that I will get stable and feel normal again? I would really like to be med-free, but at this point I would take 1 day of normal with or without meds.

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KarenB

Yes, some people take years.  Usually they are people who cold-turkied from a large dose, or from a number of different drugs at once.  Length of time spent on drugs also makes a difference (you've been on for a lot less than some people, but more than others).  It's very individual, so you can't look at somebody else and apply their situation to yourself. 

 

Myself, I got destabilised by following 'doctor's orders.'  I spent a year feeling like crap (still on antidepressants, before I found SA).  Then I found SA, and made a 10% cut which turned out to be way too much, as I was already unstable.  So I spent 3 months completely not functioning, feeling horrendous, unable to make myself food, or take care of my kids, or even walk very much.  I pretty much just lay on the couch.  Getting dressed was too hard.  Anxiety, dizziness, short of breath, unable to sleep properly, nightmares, hallucinations, twitchy eye, depression, despair, crying...

 

I had to wrap myself in bubble-wrap - i.e. pull out all the stops concerning my self care.  I started meditating, had hot baths with Epsom salts, practiced gentle yoga - there are moves specifically for anxiety - and deep breathing.  I phoned good friends and got them to visit me.  I watched nice movies to distract myself.  I placed reminders of healing tools on my walls. I had to immerse myself in the thought that I would get through it.  There was no room for 'if.' 

 

And - after that 3 months - things started to improve noticeably.  That was two years ago, and for the last year or 18 months, with the help of an 8-month hold, I've been doing really well.  Almost no symptoms, unless I get too tired.  No depression at all.  Minimal anxiety. 

 

In w/d, symptoms will do what they do for as long as they need to so your brain will heal properly.  We can't change that.  But we can change how we respond to it.  And that makes a big difference to how we feel in our hearts, and to our resiliency. 

 

 

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ShakeyJerr

Hi Utah - Glad to get your update here!

 

I am experiencing things very much like you are. You have my sympathy for your waves and my admiration for your triumphs. Recovery is a different road for all of us, but yes, it helps when we see successful parallels.

 

7 hours ago, Utah49er said:

but usually I just try to tell myself it is not me, "it is body chemicals causing this, it will pass." Actually telling myself I am just experiencing a "wave" and trying to go about my day is usually the way I handle it. 

 

This very much a step I take when waves hit. I also add it to my prayers, reminding myself and thanking God that He is in control of my biology, that He is a healer, and that He is helping me recover at the pace that He has set so that I will make the transformation that He wills me to make.

 

7 hours ago, Utah49er said:

continues to be good, haven't had any sleep problems now for almost a full week. Last couple of days anxiety has seemed less frequent and less intense

 

That's a victory! Claim it!

 

7 hours ago, Utah49er said:

but it feels like every time I say to myself "this is it, you are finally starting to stabilize," I get a strong intense wave like I have tonight that doesn't seem to go away. 

 

I hear you, brother. I actually had a bad day anxiety-wise yesterday and it really dis-heartened me until I recalled to my and in my prayers the improvements that I have seen.

 

We're recovering - and will continue to recover, until that time comes when we are simply and thankfully RECOVERED!

 

SJ

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DaveB
3 hours ago, ShakeyJerr said:

Hi Utah - Glad to get your update here!

 

I am experiencing things very much like you are. You have my sympathy for your waves and my admiration for your triumphs. Recovery is a different road for all of us, but yes, it helps when we see successful parallels.

 

 

This very much a step I take when waves hit. I also add it to my prayers, reminding myself and thanking God that He is in control of my biology, that He is a healer, and that He is helping me recover at the pace that He has set so that I will make the transformation that He wills me to make.

 

 

That's a victory! Claim it!

 

 

I hear you, brother. I actually had a bad day anxiety-wise yesterday and it really dis-heartened me until I recalled to my and in my prayers the improvements that I have seen.

 

We're recovering - and will continue to recover, until that time comes when we are simply and thankfully RECOVERED!

 

SJ

 

Thanks for your response Jerr, you have been great to me through this. The sad thing is, we have a very significant difference. You are totally off meds healing, and I am struggling this bad while trying to get back ON a med. Shouldn't I be starting to feel better by now being on a Paxil? Or is this all part of the stabilizing process?

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ShakeyJerr
11 minutes ago, Utah49er said:

Shouldn't I be starting to feel better by now being on a Paxil? Or is this all part of the stabilizing process?

 

My experience with re-instating meds is zero. But as I understand it, even re-instatement (or in your case, bringing in a new med) is not always a guarantee of good results, especially quickly. Plus, your changes in meds and dosage have come over a short period, so sufficient time may not have passed to see a result yet.

 

Plus, remember, that overall, our brains and nervous system have taken a hit because of these drugs. It takes time for the brain and nervous system to re-adjust.

 

Work the non-drug tools in your toolbox - mindful breathing, light exercise, healthy eating, and so on - every day. Begin to rely on them more than on the med changes. Because ultimately, they are what will heal you and sustain you for the rest of your life.

 

SJ

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DaveB
22 minutes ago, ShakeyJerr said:

 

My experience with re-instating meds is zero.

 

From your signature it looks like you reinstated Prozac and Lithium after being off for 4 months, did that help right away when you got back on, or did it take some time?

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ShakeyJerr
43 minutes ago, Utah49er said:

 

From your signature it looks like you reinstated Prozac and Lithium after being off for 4 months, did that help right away when you got back on, or did it take some time?

 

You know, I never thought of it that way before because of the circumstances surrounding the whole thing - which I see is not in my sig (but I'm pretty sure is in my thread somewhere); I should correct that.

 

Anyway, what happened there is that I was off the meds - with zero taper. I started getting heart palps and the doctor put me on a beta-blocker which triggered an immediate deep depression. (Beta-blockers can cause depression). The irony is, it turned out that my heart was fine; I had a thyroid infection. But because the depression was bad, I went back on the psych-meds. Whether withdrawal had anything to do with the whole thing, I just am not sure. I always pinned it on the beta-blockers - it literally hit me after two doses - and I had no other symptoms of withdrawal.

 

As for "did it help me" to go back on the meds - well, yes, my depression cleared up within weeks. But I can't help but wonder if I had not gone back on the meds and just rode out the depression from the beta blocker, if I would have been fine.

 

And in any case, the prozac and lithium pooped out, and I ended up on the even more heinous combination of effexor and seroquel.

 

Ah, the "what ifs" of life! I do wish I could get a do-over on the whole meds thing! I keep checking Amazon for time machines, but they are still out of stock.

 

SJ

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DaveB
12 hours ago, KarenB said:

Myself, I got destabilised by following 'doctor's orders.'  I spent a year feeling like crap (still on antidepressants, before I found SA).  Then I found SA, and made a 10% cut which turned out to be way too much, as I was already unstable.

During that year did you go on the medical merry go round, or stay on one medication for the year? I feel like the merry go round has not been my friend and if I would have just got back on Zoloft and stayed on it, I would have been fine. Maybe even stable enough to begin tapering the correct way.

 

After having a day or two last week where anxiety was lower, I was hopeful that I may have been turning a corner and I could be possibly stable for my family's vacation to Hawaii next week. I remember when we booked in December how happy I was to be off meds almost 2 months and still completely anxiety-free. At the time I thought nothing could possibly get in the way of this being a simply fantastic vacation, least of all a recurrence of anxiety worse than I had ever previously experienced. Alas, I have resigned to the fact that after this latest wave, an anxiety free or even a low anxiety Hawaii vacation with my family is not in the cards for me. Feels like a huge waste of money for me, but hopefully the wife and kids will enjoy it, and I will certainly try my very best.

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