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leticiaa: Black mind, not able to think


leticiaa

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Hello. I came on this forum cause i have problem with black mind and foggy feelings in my head.  Sorry for my english and grammar, i have problem with thinking and concentration. This is history of my illness: In 2011. i have problems with many thoughts i can not control, i have many thoughts in my mind and i can not stop it. I went to shrink and i was diagnosed with depression with psychotics features. F32.3. I drunk zoloft, clozapine and clonazepam. I was drinking it for 3 years. Then i stop with it because i got feeling like i can not think and feel, i was like zombie. I did tapering. From then, i did not use medications, just for some time, one year, some antidepressant, cause i thought that they will return flow to me, but they didnt. I didnt use any medications one fully year. But i still have this foggy feeling in brain, like it is empty and i can not feel anything or think. 

 

I dont know what to do anymore, I miss myself. Pls some help. Now, i use some supplements and vitamins. But there is no improve. Thanks 

march -june 2011 - Risperidone 4 mg 0 + 0 + 1; Prozak 20 mg 1 + 0 + 0

june 2011 - Risperidone 3 mg  0 + 0 + 1 ; Zoloft 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0

july 2011  - Risperidone 3 mg  0 + 0 + 1;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

September 2011  Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1/2;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

November 2011  - January 2012   Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1; Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

February 2012 -   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 0 + 1; Zoloft 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0

March 2012 - november 2012;   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 1/2 + 1.5;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

December 2012   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 0 + 1 Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

November 2013 Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1/2;  Velahibine 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0      

November 2014 - October 2015 Citalopram 20 mg  2 + 0 + 0

When i remmeber the rest i will add, i stoped with all medications in august 2016.

Suplements i m using now:  fish oil and magnesium, Vitamin c, selenium, b6, Coq10, full spectrum

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to leticiaa: Black mind, not able to think
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello Leticiaa - Welcome to SA,

 

It sounds like you may have tapered too fast, and that has meant your brain is still trying to 'catch up' with all the changes of dose.  Many people here are suffering the same types of symptoms, but over time people do get better.  It can take a couple of years, but there are things you can do to help you cope while you are healing.  These threads would be good to read: 

 

Non-Drug Techniques to cope with emotional symptoms.

Melt into your own life

Many people find Fish oil and Magnesium useful during withdrawal.   

brain-fog-blank-mind-comprehension-cognitive-and-memory-problems
 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature – all drugs/dates/dosages etc. so we can see your situation easily whenever you post, and help you more accurately.  Thanks.

 

The troublesome thing with SSRIs is that you can't just flush their effects out of your system.  They change the way your brain works, and that takes much longer to heal.  Suddenly stopping the drug puts your brain and Central Nervous System into shock.  It's like yanking a trellis out of a garden instead of gently untangling the plants and slowly removing the wood – it’s too much trauma for the plants/your brain.  (For the source of that simile, plus further discussion, see http://survivinganti...el-your-brain/)

 

For some people - most unfairly - w/d does take longer to end.  There are other members here who are also waiting a long time.  Are there supportive people in your life, or things that you are doing to get yourself through this difficult time? 

 

Have a read of those and then you can come back to this thread to discuss things further.  This can be your journal to record your tapering and healing progress, and to ask questions. With time and good care, you will be able to heal. 

 

Welcome to SA,

Karen

 

 

Edited by KarenB
added white space cause it keeps disappearing!

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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I will write signature, but i used medications so far away, that i even dont remember. I stopped with them in 2015. i think, i will see in documentations. I will see and then i will write. There are supportive people, but i have 27 and i must to work to earn for life, and i m an engineer and with this problem i cant do any intellectual job cause my cognitive abilities are scary. I cant think at all. 

march -june 2011 - Risperidone 4 mg 0 + 0 + 1; Prozak 20 mg 1 + 0 + 0

june 2011 - Risperidone 3 mg  0 + 0 + 1 ; Zoloft 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0

july 2011  - Risperidone 3 mg  0 + 0 + 1;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

September 2011  Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1/2;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

November 2011  - January 2012   Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1; Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

February 2012 -   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 0 + 1; Zoloft 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0

March 2012 - november 2012;   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 1/2 + 1.5;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

December 2012   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 0 + 1 Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

November 2013 Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1/2;  Velahibine 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0      

November 2014 - October 2015 Citalopram 20 mg  2 + 0 + 0

When i remmeber the rest i will add, i stoped with all medications in august 2016.

Suplements i m using now:  fish oil and magnesium, Vitamin c, selenium, b6, Coq10, full spectrum

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks for writing your signature Leticiaa.  I am sorry that it is now so hard to do your engineering job.  Can you try taking fish oil and magnesium?  Many people find they help their healing. 

 

Are there any symptoms which have improved over the last year or so? 

 

Things that make w/d symptoms worse:  alcohol, caffeine, too much exercise, getting dehydrated.

 

 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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I m using fish oil and magnesium, also Vitamin c, selenium, b6, Coq10, and some full spectrum, thats combination of vitamins. About symptoms, i dont know, i cant remember, really, all my past is in a kind of fog for me, i cant remember. If i remeber i will write. From 2011. it was not always like this, it were time when i can think. I know that, but i dont know when was good and when was bed. In last 3 years i cant think or feel at all. On antidepressants it was more bad then now. 

march -june 2011 - Risperidone 4 mg 0 + 0 + 1; Prozak 20 mg 1 + 0 + 0

june 2011 - Risperidone 3 mg  0 + 0 + 1 ; Zoloft 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0

july 2011  - Risperidone 3 mg  0 + 0 + 1;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

September 2011  Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1/2;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

November 2011  - January 2012   Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1; Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

February 2012 -   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 0 + 1; Zoloft 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0

March 2012 - november 2012;   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 1/2 + 1.5;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

December 2012   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 0 + 1 Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

November 2013 Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1/2;  Velahibine 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0      

November 2014 - October 2015 Citalopram 20 mg  2 + 0 + 0

When i remmeber the rest i will add, i stoped with all medications in august 2016.

Suplements i m using now:  fish oil and magnesium, Vitamin c, selenium, b6, Coq10, full spectrum

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Vitamin B often causes people's symptoms to worsen.  We recommend that people don't use it when they are in w/d.  If there are any B vitamins in your full spectrum vitamin mixes, that can cause trouble too.  What about stopping those B vitamins and seeing if you get any improvement?

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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I will stop, but i think that that can not be problem or solution, cause, i was not always using vitamin b and symptoms were still here. Why Vitamin B causes symptoms to worsen? I thought it is best vitamin for neuro problems.

march -june 2011 - Risperidone 4 mg 0 + 0 + 1; Prozak 20 mg 1 + 0 + 0

june 2011 - Risperidone 3 mg  0 + 0 + 1 ; Zoloft 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0

july 2011  - Risperidone 3 mg  0 + 0 + 1;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

September 2011  Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1/2;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

November 2011  - January 2012   Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1; Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

February 2012 -   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 0 + 1; Zoloft 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0

March 2012 - november 2012;   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 1/2 + 1.5;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

December 2012   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 0 + 1 Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

November 2013 Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1/2;  Velahibine 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0      

November 2014 - October 2015 Citalopram 20 mg  2 + 0 + 0

When i remmeber the rest i will add, i stoped with all medications in august 2016.

Suplements i m using now:  fish oil and magnesium, Vitamin c, selenium, b6, Coq10, full spectrum

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I'm not sure why B vitamins are so stimulating for people in withdrawal.  You can read more about it here:  hypersensitive-to-b-vitamin-or-b-vitamin-complex

 

Maybe you could do a small test - stop for a few weeks and see what happens. 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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I can do IT, But i think IT don't make difference, cause i start with it 15 days ago and before it It was the same situation

march -june 2011 - Risperidone 4 mg 0 + 0 + 1; Prozak 20 mg 1 + 0 + 0

june 2011 - Risperidone 3 mg  0 + 0 + 1 ; Zoloft 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0

july 2011  - Risperidone 3 mg  0 + 0 + 1;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

September 2011  Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1/2;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

November 2011  - January 2012   Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1; Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

February 2012 -   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 0 + 1; Zoloft 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0

March 2012 - november 2012;   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 1/2 + 1.5;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

December 2012   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 0 + 1 Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

November 2013 Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1/2;  Velahibine 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0      

November 2014 - October 2015 Citalopram 20 mg  2 + 0 + 0

When i remmeber the rest i will add, i stoped with all medications in august 2016.

Suplements i m using now:  fish oil and magnesium, Vitamin c, selenium, b6, Coq10, full spectrum

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I m so afraid people. I even don't know if this is from medication or from illness. I miss myself so. I don't know Why someone don't find the cure of mental ill, its sucks. Does anybody on this forum try cannabis Oil? I hear IT is good for mental illness. 

march -june 2011 - Risperidone 4 mg 0 + 0 + 1; Prozak 20 mg 1 + 0 + 0

june 2011 - Risperidone 3 mg  0 + 0 + 1 ; Zoloft 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0

july 2011  - Risperidone 3 mg  0 + 0 + 1;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

September 2011  Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1/2;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

November 2011  - January 2012   Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1; Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

February 2012 -   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 0 + 1; Zoloft 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0

March 2012 - november 2012;   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 1/2 + 1.5;  Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

December 2012   Clozapine 25 mg 1/2 + 0 + 1 Zoloft 50 mg 1 + 0 + 0

November 2013 Clozapine 25 mg 0 + 0 + 1/2;  Velahibine 50 mg 1/2 + 0 + 0      

November 2014 - October 2015 Citalopram 20 mg  2 + 0 + 0

When i remmeber the rest i will add, i stoped with all medications in august 2016.

Suplements i m using now:  fish oil and magnesium, Vitamin c, selenium, b6, Coq10, full spectrum

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  • 1 month later...

I miss myself also. I'm scared also. I have no thoughts in my head. Idk how much longer I can fight for my life everyday, b/c this is horrible. How do ppl get thru this? 

Dec 2016 Risperidone 1 mg, Seroquel 25mg, Latuda 40mg 

Jan - Mar 2017 Paliperidone (invega) 6 -9mg, Zoloft, Mirtazapine, Proprananol, Ativan

Mar - Apr 2017 Aripiprazole (abilify) 10 mg

Apr 2017 - July 2017 Olanzapine (zyprexa) 5 mg tapered to 0mg

Oct 2017 - Present Effexor 37.5mg and Prozac 10mg 

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leticiaa, plshelp, keep fighting

 

I've updated my story, there is hope, always hope

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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