potions: off Zoloft since August 2016

[potions]

It is crazy! I definitely wouldn’t consider this a window now that I think of it; I actually might be in the second half of a wave. I feel depressed and have bad anhedonia as well as pssd/genital anesthesia of course. But I’m alright.

[potions]

I’ve been reading about how cortisol can “damage serotonin receptors” and “downregulate 5-HT1A” (which I think is the receptor that’s causing the problems with PSSD), so I wonder if taking an adapotgenic herb like astragalus, rhodiola, or ashwaghanda might be okay (or if it could do more harm.) I took adaptogenic herbs daily for the first 10 months after stopping Zoloft and they seemed to help slightly with certain emotional symptoms (even though I was still having bouts of extreme hell while taking them.) I don’t want to mess with my system more and want my neurotransmitters to all go back to normal. But I also read some sources that say that cortisol sensitizes serotonin receptors? I want to recover as fast as possible, but during waves, I’m in such hell that I wonder if taking an herb like that would be a safe way to get some (possibly placebo-level) relief. Thoughts?

[Carmie]

Hi potions, 

 

How are you doing? Sending hugs🤗

[Shar244]

Hi potions, 

 

I’ve been reading this site for a while but have only just recently posted. I’ve just read through most of this thread. I’m a 24 year old (lonely and anxious) single mother who took Zoloft for anxiety for no longer than 2 months back in 2016. I’ve been antidepressant free for 2 years now and have really really REALLY struggled with the fear of the unknown like you. I’m still shocked that this can even happen to a person every day of my life.. but we HAVE to be positive and also patient. As time has gone on, my mindset has improved as I know my body and brain have made improvements. Surely if it was permanent.. we wouldn’t have improved at all right? So many success stories state the windows and waves continue for a prolonged period before full recovery. We can do this!!!   

[potions]

Well here I am again guys. Not much has changed except I added a lot of herbs and supplements to my daily regimen which I honestly think has helped a lot with the negative thinking, anxiety, and obsession with PSSD/withdrawal. These supplements include: vitamin B6, omega 3 fish oil, inositol, carnosine, magnesium chloride, chamomile, astragalus root, and l theanine. I know taking these things every day probably isn't good for my nervous system, but after being suicidal due to my friend's death, PSSD, the horrid despair caused by withdrawal, and extreme social aloneness yet again last year I decided to take these supplements and they have calmed me down and reduced my depression/obsessive thinking at least a little bit. I started taking these in November 2018 and have taken them since.

 

I also took a very low dose of addyi (<10 mg) for about 5 months in September-March of last year in an attempt to cure PSSD/anhedonia. It ended up worsening it significantly and I do not recommend anyone to take this drug. I tapered off extremely slowly and have been off since March.

 

As for withdrawal from zoloft, I am approaching 3 years off on August 28th of this year. A few symptoms have sprung up, others have left, others have stuck around and come in waves. One symptom that sprung up in May of last year is what I call nighttime despair, basically, feeling okay in the morning only to feel extremely anxious, depressed, fatigued, and in despair at nights only to feel okay again the next morning. Rinse and repeat. It has been a pretty consistent pattern for many many months. My nighttime despair is now coming in waves and I've only gotten it a few times this month so I think it might be going away (fingers crossed.) Akathisia also seems to be going away, maybe it's due to the calming supplements, but I think the last time I had akathisia was late April for a few days. That symptom was hell so I'm glad it seems to be going away (it does seem to come up during nights of nighttime despair sometimes, but never for days at a time like before.) I still have waves of anxiety, rage, fatigue, and especially anhedonia but I'd say I have windows 35-40% of the time now and waves the other 60-65%. Not great, but I'll take any days of emotion that I can get. During my windows I do feel emotions honestly, and I would even go as far as to say some days during windows my emotions might be back to pre-SSRI. This summer I have even felt mild infatuation which brightened my outlook about PSSD significantly. Even if I can feel things for only certain days, I can still feel them (!) which gives me such joy. I'm not going to pretend I'm close to being healed, because waves account for 60-65% of my days as I said, and I still have despair feelings, anxiety, rage, and anhedonia, but the windows of feeling are there too. I've been suicidal many times throughout this process and the primary thing that has kept me alive has been my survival instinct. If it weren't for that I'd be gone. This process has been hell on earth and I still don't know if I will ever heal from it (especially the anhedonia, which many on the PSSD facebook group have had for 8+ years.)

 

As for PSSD, it's still there full force. During windows of feeing my libido increases a bit but I mainly always have genital numbness and even when I have romantic feelings it's still there. As I have said many times, my main issue with PSSD has been the lack of feelings for guys and the anhedonia, and both of these things improve during windows so I have hope about PSSD at the moment despite my pretty much consistent genital numbness. I don't believe I will ever heal naturally from the genital numbness, but perhaps I will more permanently get my romantic feelings back eventually, which is more important to me.

 

At 3 years off I am still having windows and waves, with waves still accounting for most of my days. Waves primarily consist of anhedonia with some days of painful despair and anxiety. Despite the majority of my days still being waves, I have emotions during windows which is great. Just thought I'd provide a little update. Thanks for reading

 

 

[potions]

On 1/12/2019 at 4:44 PM, Shar244 said:

Hi potions, 

 

I’ve been reading this site for a while but have only just recently posted. I’ve just read through most of this thread. I’m a 24 year old (lonely and anxious) single mother who took Zoloft for anxiety for no longer than 2 months back in 2016. I’ve been antidepressant free for 2 years now and have really really REALLY struggled with the fear of the unknown like you. I’m still shocked that this can even happen to a person every day of my life.. but we HAVE to be positive and also patient. As time has gone on, my mindset has improved as I know my body and brain have made improvements. Surely if it was permanent.. we wouldn’t have improved at all right? So many success stories state the windows and waves continue for a prolonged period before full recovery. We can do this!!!   

Aw thank you! I appreciate it.

[trenace]

Hi, I don't post here much because tbh I'm not well most of the time, but I've read tons of stories just like yours. Just wanted to say you sound soo much more optimistic than u have in the past and your story seems to be following many that I've read before. Don't pay any attention to negative stories. Keep going I genuinely believ that soon you're going to be feeling romance all the time and your PSSD will be a distant memory. A bad one but one that makes your grateful. Don't know if your religous at all but I'll pray for you, I think you'll be back to your old self in no time. 

[potions]

To be honest, now I’m in absolute hell. I don’t see much hope in this situation anymore. It’s been 3+ years and I’m still in pretty much the same situation. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be here honestly

[Altostrata]

potions, in August you indicated some symptoms have gotten better. What are your major symptoms and daily symptom pattern now?

 

You've seen it get better, hang in there.

[IWantToHeal]

I read on Rxisk.org that Potions has ended her life. I've got to say I'm devastated by this news and how these drugs can ruin the life of someone so young. It's an unbelievably cruel fate that's been inflicted on her and others. God bless everyone going through this.

[Shar244]

Heartbreaking. This world is so corrupt. The saddest thing is that lots of us will empathise. If I didn’t have children my mindset would be different. RIP <3 xxxxx 

[Melissa5000]

I am so shocked by this message! 

 

This is so extremely sad!

 

Withdrawal can be so brutal even this far out! I have no words for this. It is very scary. I have had suicidal thoughts myself on my taper. So I can imagine how these meds/withdrawal can cause this.

 

I sincerely hope potions is in a better place now.

 

Rest in peace dear potions  ❤️ 🌟 🌈

 

 

[Zant808]

On 10/26/2019 at 4:13 PM, Altostrata said:

potions, in August you indicated some symptoms have gotten better. What are your major symptoms and daily symptom pattern now?

 

You've seen it get better, hang in there.

 

Unfortunately, I just found out that potions passed away shortly after her last post here.  The little mainstream coverage her death got is saying that she died peacefully in her sleep.  However, the reality she was so overwhelmed by the PSSD that she killed herself and likely in one of the few horrific ways she would often describe to me quite often when we spoke.  I know for a fact that she wanted the truth to come out about what really caused her problems and her reasons for actually going through with her suicide.  I find it insulting to everyone who has ever been harmed by any psychiatric drug that the truth behind her death is being covered up and swept under the rug.  Even the fundraising money for her death went to something that she would have never wanted.

[manymoretodays]

Very sorry to learn of member Potions passing, last October, 2019.  We just recently learned of this, from the other concerned and saddened(of course) members. 

 

Thank you all, for letting us know.

 

It is always quite upsetting to learn that one of our members has passed on, and has made the final decision. We can never know all of the circumstances that might have led to this loss, but we do know that it affects all of her friends, family and acquaintances, and to them I express our deepest sympathy from the staff here at SA. 

 

PSSD is one of the lesser seen and least understood of ADWD symptoms,  but can be one of the most devastating  for the people suffering from it. I hope that all those whose lives Potions has touched will find understanding, in the time to come, and remember her in the best light.

 

Rest In Peace Potions. 

 

From all of the staff here at survivingantidepressants.org, our condolences and sympathy to all.

 

Oh...so sad.......Love, peace, healing, and growth,

moderator manymoretodays(mmt)

Edited February 9, 2020 by manymoretodays
First line added

[Rosetta]

I wish to express my sadness to all of Potions’ friends and family.  She was so very, very young.  I hope she has found the peace she felt she needed.  Rosetta