kangamangus Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 Fingers crossed, but my feeling better continues. I am still struggling with the DP/DR but I find that moments during the day I can break through it. No depression. Things are painful for me but I believe that true change requires some pain and I hope to emerge from this experience changed for the better. I went out with a friend all day, got lunch, and went to the arboretum by NC state university. It wasn't easy by any means, but I forced myself and I am glad. I find that I am recognizing more sense of self, which I realize has been missing from me for many years. For years I could never find out what was hurting me so much and why I was in so much pain. I believe it all stems from that, the loss of my sense of self. Slowly but surely I am finding more of it. Its incredibly hard, because by discovering this I realize the full magnitude of what I have lost over the years. My physical symptoms from my cut are not bad at all. I have some slight brain zaps. Some aches and pains in my body. Nothing I can't handle. I hope so much that this represents a break-through for me in this withdrawal experience and that the worst is behind me. I am prepared if it is not however. I hope everybody is having a good weekend so far, you are all in my thoughts. Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
kangamangus Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 Hit another rough patch. Couldn't sleep at all last night, DP/DR bad, some depression. I was laying in bed this morning and I was finally falling asleep and I hallucinated a spider was on my pillow. I looked right at it and it just faded away after a few second.Then I heard a truck drive by my house and I hallucinated that the sound the truck was making was screaming people. Very frightening and prevented me from getting even a little bit of sleep. Since I have been on my computer things look really blurry and images appear as if they are moving around.I have never hallucinated before. Sick of this. Can't remember what it feels like to be normal. Worried I have always been messed up but just couldn't see it. Did I ever have a sense of self? I try to imagine what I look like to other people and I literally can't. I don't know what I sound like or what I look like to other people. Then the rational part of me looks back at the window I had and I can convince myself that I am not actually losing it. I don't know how I am supposed to go to school and work when I am like this, but I have to. I can't lose any more of my life to this mess Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
kangamangus Posted January 30, 2018 Author Share Posted January 30, 2018 Vision has cleared up a bit. Things aren't swimming anymore. DP/DR really bad though. I guess this is from my cut. It has been 9 days so far. Still can't believe I hallucinated today, that was extremely disturbing. Hoping I am doing the right thing Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
Mentor FarmGirlWorks Posted January 30, 2018 Mentor Share Posted January 30, 2018 Ugh, that sounds awful, so sorry you have to deal with this. Hang in there, kangamangus. It is crazy how symptoms can swing so wildly from day to day, hour to hour. It is hard to remember that we were ever "normal" but indeed we were. Symptoms are scary and you are strong to power through them. Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017 Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017 Quit alcohol May 20, 2017 Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga "If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols Link to comment
Littlegrandma Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Sorry Kang was so hopeful for you. It’s just a blip. Only 9 days since your cut. Hopefully this will pass in a couple more. We were both on a roll Saturday... lunch and to the park. My dp/dr was also a bit better. I was so happy for us. All hell broke lose for me last night. But it’s only been 2 wks since my cut. So fingers crossed it will pass for us both and can look forward to another Saturday out. Hugs Lg Lex 4.3mg, 3/2/18 Ativan ,5 mg, lunesta 2 mg , toprol 25 mg Oct 16-28 2018 C/O to 19 mg V from 1.5 mg Ativan, 1.3 mg lunesta jan 22 2019- 11 mg V jan 23 - pneumonia, 2 AB’s. Hold taper july 5- 10.72 V July 6- 11 mg V- ugly bad july 11- 10.72 mg V, 4.3 lex, 25 mg toprol Link to comment
kangamangus Posted January 30, 2018 Author Share Posted January 30, 2018 1 hour ago, FarmGirlWorks said: Ugh, that sounds awful, so sorry you have to deal with this. Hang in there, kangamangus. It is crazy how symptoms can swing so wildly from day to day, hour to hour. It is hard to remember that we were ever "normal" but indeed we were. Symptoms are scary and you are strong to power through them. Thank you. It is crazy how fast I can swing back and forth. I hope you are doing well with your WD! 1 hour ago, Littlegrandma said: Sorry Kang was so hopeful for you. It’s just a blip. Only 9 days since your cut. Hopefully this will pass in a couple more. We were both on a roll Saturday... lunch and to the park. My dp/dr was also a bit better. I was so happy for us. All hell broke lose for me last night. But it’s only been 2 wks since my cut. So fingers crossed it will pass for us both and can look forward to another Saturday out. Hugs Lg Thanks LG, it was a good window so it gives me some hope that I will heal. I know I was so excited for both of us. Things will get better for us, I know it Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
kangamangus Posted January 30, 2018 Author Share Posted January 30, 2018 Laying in bed in the dark right now and feeling some relief. Of course if I overthink things I can kind of push myself back to that DR place but I definitely feel better. I have been thinking a lot about other people and I find that I once I get past the dp/dr I can start to feel a sense of self and I start to see things from other people perspective. I think this is good because for all of the years I was on zoloft I was just stuck in such a fog in my head that I never could connect with other people. It's like I am slowly learning how to be human again, one painful step at a time Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
RealMe Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 59 minutes ago, kangamangus said: It's like I am slowly learning how to be human again, one painful step at a time Hi Kanga, I've been reading your posts and I admire your good attitude as you wend your way through the healing process. I'm happy you won't have to go through the years of damage I've experienced. I'm glad I finally discovered that I don't have to "medicate" my humanness anymore. Alcohol periodic excessive 1963-1976, Valium sporadic 1964-1973, Imipramine off & on 1982-1985, Fluoxetine 10mg-80 mg. Oct., 1995-Jan., 2014; Cymbalta, other ADs 1/2014-3/2014; Abilify 5 mg. 3/2014 - 8/8/17; Trintellix 20 mg. 3/2014 - 9/2017; Propranolol 60-80 mg. sporadically Sept-Oct, 2017; Seroquel few days Sept 2017 (c/t); Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sept, 2017 updosed to 300 mg. few days till c/t Oct 8, 2017, fish oil, vitD, vitE Oct 16, 2017-pres. Lipoflavonoid 4/2017-pres. Fluoxetine 10 mg. Sept-Oct 8, 2017, 20 mg. 10/9- 10/15; 10 mg. 10/16 - 12/29; 9 mg. 12/30 - 2/9; 2 mL liquid (8.1mg) 2/10 - 3/7; 1.8 mL (7.29 mg) 3/8 -3/20; 1.6 mL (6.561mg) 3/20-4/2; 1.4 mL (5.9 mg) 4/3-4/14; 1mL (4 mg.) 4/15-4/22; .9mL (3.6mg) 4/23-5/1; .81mL (3.24 mg) 5/2-5/24; .73mL (2.916mg.) 5/25-6/8; .65mL 6/9-6/23; .6mL 6/24-7/17; .58mL 7/18-7/28; .525mL 7/29-8/13; .5 mL 8/14-21; .45mL 8/22-31; .4mL 9/2-21; .35mL 9/22-10/4; .3mL 10/5-28; .25mL 10/28-11/10; .2mL 11/11-11/24; .18mL 11/25-12/3; .1mL 12/4-12/18. Zero-12/19/18-present. Link to comment
Jorge24 Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Keep going man we can do this! Am in the same boat as you. Crazy thing i only took Zoloft for 2 months. I can relate to you with feeling dp,dr is horrible to me! Can i message you and talk about it? Best of luck on your recovery. My first antidepressant ever. Zoloft September 12, 2017. First 3, 4 days on 50 mg. My doctor lower my dose to 25 mg later that week. September 19. From September 19 till November 14 taking 25 mg. September 14 started to taper of 25 mg to half the pill. Did that for a week only September 14 is when i decided to quit completely. December 2 marks 18 days off Zoloft. Zyprexa for one week, November Ativan 1mg for one week, December Link to comment
kangamangus Posted January 30, 2018 Author Share Posted January 30, 2018 18 hours ago, RealMe said: Hi Kanga, I've been reading your posts and I admire your good attitude as you wend your way through the healing process. I'm happy you won't have to go through the years of damage I've experienced. I'm glad I finally discovered that I don't have to "medicate" my humanness anymore. Thank you so much RealMe. I'm sorry for all of the damage you have experienced. I feel the same way though, there was never anything wrong with me. I am human and I am allowed to have feelings. I only wish I had learned that when I was a teenager. 16 hours ago, Jorge24 said: Keep going man we can do this! Am in the same boat as you. Crazy thing i only took Zoloft for 2 months. I can relate to you with feeling dp,dr is horrible to me! Can i message you and talk about it? Best of luck on your recovery. Sure feel free to message me whenever Feeling a bit better today. Less DP/DR, some off and on depression. No hallucinations. Had some hard palpitations. I think all as a result of my cut. I am hoping I am through the worst of it for this cut and I can stabilize. It has been 10 days Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
kangamangus Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 Doing okay right now. Better than earlier today. Still feeling kind of disconnected from people. Not much depression right now Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
samanthaelizabeth Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 I have been on Zoloft for 19 years, now I'm starting to wonder why. I feel absolutely no pleasure from anything now I hope I can stabilize now back up to 200mg! Do you think I will or did I mess up my system from taper down way to fast? I don't know what to do when I see my Pdoc next week? Ativan Mid April 1999-to end of May 1999 ( COLD TURKEY and flushed them down the toilet) I went through hell for 3 months-I had no idea what was happening to me there was no information on the internet about this drug) Zoloft 200mg 1999 to 2017 Wellbutrin 2015 6 months Started having exterme anxiety-quit taking switched back to Zoloft ( I have quit about 6 jobs from this time0 Klonopin .5-1.0 of and on for two months (tapered off in Dec-Jan) 15 mg Remeron 2012-presnt **Started tapering down Zoloft 12/?/17 12/09/17 down to 50mg; 12/12/17-12/14-17 Zoloft 100mg; 12/16/201712/19 -Zoloft 150mg; 12/20/17-01/06/18 Zoloft 200mg; 01/07/18-01//18/18 Zoloft 180mg 01/18/18-present Zoloft 200mg February 2018-Copaxone 40mg (3 times a week shots) (for Multiple Sclerosis)2/17/18 begin transition to liquid 200mg magnesium, fish oil Link to comment
kangamangus Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 12 minutes ago, samanthaelizabeth said: I have been on Zoloft for 19 years, now I'm starting to wonder why. I feel absolutely no pleasure from anything now I hope I can stabilize now back up to 200mg! Do you think I will or did I mess up my system from taper down way to fast? I don't know what to do when I see my Pdoc next week? Hey samantha, I can relate to how you feel. I rarely feel pleasure from anything either. I cold turkeyed off of my zoloft last year (I was on 100mg) and reinstated 3 weeks after. 100mg was too much to immediately go back to and I had to lower it to 50mg. The depression was too much and I ended up settling on 75mg. I stayed at that dose for months before I decided to start my taper. I don't think you messed up your system too much from your taper, although I do think you are destabilized. Is not feeling pleasure from anything your only symptom? If you aren't having any bad physical or mental symptoms other than the anhedonia(lack of pleasure) than I would say you made the right choice to go back up to 200mg. I think that if you hold for a while (at least a month longer probably more) you will feel better. Just try to be patient and give it more time. You aren't having an adverse reaction, and your lack of pleasure is likely a result of the zoloft which emotionally numbs you, and having a destabilized nervous system. Now, being brutally honest I have seen you posting a lot about this in the past few days. I am sorry you are so worried and upset, but I can tell you that you are making things worse for you in your head. I am guilty of this too, when I am feeling bad I make it much worse in my head. Trust me, things could be much worse. You just need to accept that right now you wont feel 100%. That's all you can do. If you start tapering too quickly you will destabilize further and feel even worse. I am speaking from experience here. Just practice acceptance. Let yourself feel the pain and flatness, don't try to fight it. Accept it and tell yourself that this is a temporary pain. You have the whole rest of your life ahead of you and I know that one day you will feel much better. I promise. Just be kind to your body and brain in the meantime. Edit :When you see your doctor you want to be honest but not too honest if you know what I mean. Most doctors won't understand. Just be firm and tell them what you want. I strongly suggest not trying any new medications right now since you are unstable. Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
kangamangus Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 Feeling pretty good right now. Feeling some more of my sense of self coming back. Its a strange feeling that gives me anxiety because it has been missing for so long. I'm not sure if I ever had it to be honest. Laying in bed, going to practice some breathing and mediation before I go to sleep. Hoping that I am stabilizing from my cuts and hoping that tomorrow is even better. Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
Littlegrandma Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Laura Delano video was great Lex 4.3mg, 3/2/18 Ativan ,5 mg, lunesta 2 mg , toprol 25 mg Oct 16-28 2018 C/O to 19 mg V from 1.5 mg Ativan, 1.3 mg lunesta jan 22 2019- 11 mg V jan 23 - pneumonia, 2 AB’s. Hold taper july 5- 10.72 V July 6- 11 mg V- ugly bad july 11- 10.72 mg V, 4.3 lex, 25 mg toprol Link to comment
kangamangus Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 6 hours ago, Littlegrandma said: Laura Delano video was great I know, her story is very inspiring to me. I'm glad you enjoyed it Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
kangamangus Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 Feeling okay today. Less dp/dr than I have had before. Less depression, although some. Woke up this morning in an absolutely pissed off mood because I felt crappy and I am dealing with an issue with my bank. Leveled out now. Feel better than I did a couple of days ago, and I think I feel better than I did yesterday although its hard to say. Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
kangamangus Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 Just felt a marked difference in my dr/dp just now. I think its because my anxiety has gone away. Feels good Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
kangamangus Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 Just did a short mindful meditation. Using https://www.headspace.com/. Feeling pretty centered and balanced right now. Calm. Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
DMV64 Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 1 hour ago, kangamangus said: Just felt a marked difference in my dr/dp just now. Been following this--so happy to hear!! <3 2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg. 2011- increase to 1 mg. 2018- increase to 1.5 mg. Taper 2023-2024. Taper complete! 2010- Trials of SSRI's, several. 2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete! 2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete! 2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg. 2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg. CT (unavailable) 4/2023 2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT. 2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin. 2018- Lamictal 300mg. Holding 2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding. 2014 Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium Link to comment
kangamangus Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 1 hour ago, DMV64 said: Been following this--so happy to hear!! <3 Thanks DMV! I went for about a 2 mile walk and felt worse. Kind of felt floaty and spaced out. When I got back home the carpet was moving around. Wasn't pleasant. Now that I have settled down though I feel much better Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
wantrelief Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Hello! Thank you for posting the Laura Delano video - it was very inspirational. It looks like she has a good website as well as other videos I want to check out. It sounds like you've had some uncomfortable times since tapering but good things happening too - hang in there...you are very courageous for starting the tapering process! -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg Link to comment
kangamangus Posted February 2, 2018 Author Share Posted February 2, 2018 16 hours ago, wantrelief said: Hello! Thank you for posting the Laura Delano video - it was very inspirational. It looks like she has a good website as well as other videos I want to check out. It sounds like you've had some uncomfortable times since tapering but good things happening too - hang in there...you are very courageous for starting the tapering process! Your welcome, I'm glad you found it inspirational. I did too. Her website has a detailed account of her story but she doesn't regularly keep it updated. Yeah good things and bad things happening. Thank you for your kind words Today was a mixed bag. Dp/dr on and off. Depression today, mainly related to how long this is taking and how bad I feel. Feeling a bit better now that it is night time. DP/DR gone down another notch. Gives me hope that I will be free of it one day. Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
kangamangus Posted February 2, 2018 Author Share Posted February 2, 2018 Having a better day today. Woke up with the dread and anxiety, but it subsided very quickly. Feeling more positive and hopeful today. I can't help but wonder if I have been going through PAWS( post acute withdrawal syndrome) from the drugs I was doing as well. I am coming up to 7 months clean from marijuana and I feel like I am reaching a turning point in my recovery. Hoping so at least! Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
kangamangus Posted February 6, 2018 Author Share Posted February 6, 2018 Hey folks, just wanted to update. I am doing much better. My DP/DR has gone almost completely away. I though I was having moments before where it was gone, but now I realize that I still had it to some extent. I feel more connected to my body and my environment. I no longer look like a stranger in the mirror. Depression is better too, although I still have some moments where it hits me hard. It never lasts long though. I attribute all of this to staying off of drugs and allowing my brain to heal somewhat. I am planning on taking a break again from the forums as I don't want anything to drag me down. I still plan on tapering but I am going to hold for a couple of more weeks before I start again. I wish everybody good luck, and I am sure I will talk to you at some point in the future. Goodbye for now Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
samanthaelizabeth Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 On 1/30/2018 at 8:34 PM, kangamangus said: Hey samantha, I can relate to how you feel. I rarely feel pleasure from anything either. I cold turkeyed off of my zoloft last year (I was on 100mg) and reinstated 3 weeks after. 100mg was too much to immediately go back to and I had to lower it to 50mg. The depression was too much and I ended up settling on 75mg. I stayed at that dose for months before I decided to start my taper. I don't think you messed up your system too much from your taper, although I do think you are destabilized. Is not feeling pleasure from anything your only symptom? If you aren't having any bad physical or mental symptoms other than the anhedonia(lack of pleasure) than I would say you made the right choice to go back up to 200mg. I think that if you hold for a while (at least a month longer probably more) you will feel better. Just try to be patient and give it more time. You aren't having an adverse reaction, and your lack of pleasure is likely a result of the zoloft which emotionally numbs you, and having a destabilized nervous system. Now, being brutally honest I have seen you posting a lot about this in the past few days. I am sorry you are so worried and upset, but I can tell you that you are making things worse for you in your head. I am guilty of this too, when I am feeling bad I make it much worse in my head. Trust me, things could be much worse. You just need to accept that right now you wont feel 100%. That's all you can do. If you start tapering too quickly you will destabilize further and feel even worse. I am speaking from experience here. Just practice acceptance. Let yourself feel the pain and flatness, don't try to fight it. Accept it and tell yourself that this is a temporary pain. You have the whole rest of your life ahead of you and I know that one day you will feel much better. I promise. Just be kind to your body and brain in the meantime. Edit :When you see your doctor you want to be honest but not too honest if you know what I mean. Most doctors won't understand. Just be firm and tell them what you want. I strongly suggest not trying any new medications right now since you are unstable. Hi Kangamangus, How did you do your taper from zoloft? Does the doctor know? How are you getting your prescriptions to taper? I mean do I just ask for my regular prescription and do it myself? How do you do it? How do you present yourself to the doctor, Do you just not tell him how you are really feeliing? I'm just trying to understand how this whole process works, I mean, if they see you are struggling what is to prevent the doctor from putting myself in the hospital? You know what I mean? Ativan Mid April 1999-to end of May 1999 ( COLD TURKEY and flushed them down the toilet) I went through hell for 3 months-I had no idea what was happening to me there was no information on the internet about this drug) Zoloft 200mg 1999 to 2017 Wellbutrin 2015 6 months Started having exterme anxiety-quit taking switched back to Zoloft ( I have quit about 6 jobs from this time0 Klonopin .5-1.0 of and on for two months (tapered off in Dec-Jan) 15 mg Remeron 2012-presnt **Started tapering down Zoloft 12/?/17 12/09/17 down to 50mg; 12/12/17-12/14-17 Zoloft 100mg; 12/16/201712/19 -Zoloft 150mg; 12/20/17-01/06/18 Zoloft 200mg; 01/07/18-01//18/18 Zoloft 180mg 01/18/18-present Zoloft 200mg February 2018-Copaxone 40mg (3 times a week shots) (for Multiple Sclerosis)2/17/18 begin transition to liquid 200mg magnesium, fish oil Link to comment
kangamangus Posted February 6, 2018 Author Share Posted February 6, 2018 8 minutes ago, samanthaelizabeth said: Hi Kangamangus, How did you do your taper from zoloft? Does the doctor know? How are you getting your prescriptions to taper? I mean do I just ask for my regular prescription and do it myself? How do you do it? How do you present yourself to the doctor, Do you just not tell him how you are really feeliing? I'm just trying to understand how this whole process works, I mean, if they see you are struggling what is to prevent the doctor from putting myself in the hospital? You know what I mean? Hey samantha. I dissolve my Zoloft in water and then use a medicine dropper to measure out my dose. I dissolved 100mg of Zoloft into 100ml of water so its easy to do. My doctor does not know. He told me I could never come off of my medicine so I lie about it to him. I don't really feel guilty about lying since he lied to me and told me I had a chemical imbalance. I still get my normal prescriptions, I just take less of it. If you think your doctor is willing to help you taper off of your medication, I would be honest with him. Otherwise just don't be completely honest with him. Get your normal prescription and do the taper yourself. Obviously its better to have your doctor on board but sometimes that doesn't work out. I rarely see my doctor, but when I do I usually just tell him I am doing fine. I don't elaborate about it, I just tell him I am okay. Is it dishonest? Yes probably, but I do it anyway. I know what you mean though. I wouldn't worry too much about being put in a hospital against your will, although if you are in real danger of hurting yourself I think the hospital can be a safe place. Just be as honest as you can and hope that your doctor listens. If he doesn't, well sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. But please, if you are feeling suicidal and feel like you are in real danger please tell your doctor. Don't lie about that just because you want to taper off of your medications. There's a smart way to go about it. You'll just have to figure out whats best for you in the long run. I wish you well. Alright now I am really gone from the forums for a while. PEACE OUT! Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
samanthaelizabeth Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 1 minute ago, kangamangus said: Hey samantha. I dissolve my Zoloft in water and then use a medicine dropper to measure out my dose. I dissolved 100mg of Zoloft into 100ml of water so its easy to do. My doctor does not know. He told me I could never come off of my medicine so I lie about it to him. I don't really feel guilty about lying since he lied to me and told me I had a chemical imbalance. I still get my normal prescriptions, I just take less of it. If you think your doctor is willing to help you taper off of your medication, I would be honest with him. Otherwise just don't be completely honest with him. Get your normal prescription and do the taper yourself. Obviously its better to have your doctor on board but sometimes that doesn't work out. I rarely see my doctor, but when I do I usually just tell him I am doing fine. I don't elaborate about it, I just tell him I am okay. Is it dishonest? Yes probably, but I do it anyway. I know what you mean though. I wouldn't worry too much about being put in a hospital against your will, although if you are in real danger of hurting yourself I think the hospital can be a safe place. Just be as honest as you can and hope that your doctor listens. If he doesn't, well sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. But please, if you are feeling suicidal and feel like you are in real danger please tell your doctor. Don't lie about that just because you want to taper off of your medications. There's a smart way to go about it. You'll just have to figure out whats best for you in the long run. I wish you well. Alright now I am really gone from the forums for a while. PEACE OUT! Thank you Kagamangus for your response. Just planning for the future and how to go about this! Ativan Mid April 1999-to end of May 1999 ( COLD TURKEY and flushed them down the toilet) I went through hell for 3 months-I had no idea what was happening to me there was no information on the internet about this drug) Zoloft 200mg 1999 to 2017 Wellbutrin 2015 6 months Started having exterme anxiety-quit taking switched back to Zoloft ( I have quit about 6 jobs from this time0 Klonopin .5-1.0 of and on for two months (tapered off in Dec-Jan) 15 mg Remeron 2012-presnt **Started tapering down Zoloft 12/?/17 12/09/17 down to 50mg; 12/12/17-12/14-17 Zoloft 100mg; 12/16/201712/19 -Zoloft 150mg; 12/20/17-01/06/18 Zoloft 200mg; 01/07/18-01//18/18 Zoloft 180mg 01/18/18-present Zoloft 200mg February 2018-Copaxone 40mg (3 times a week shots) (for Multiple Sclerosis)2/17/18 begin transition to liquid 200mg magnesium, fish oil Link to comment
samanthaelizabeth Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 On 1/25/2018 at 9:25 AM, kangamangus said: Shouldn't have used the lightbox so late last night, I think it kept me up. Only got about 6 hours of sleep but I'm grateful for that. DP/DR pretty much gone right now, which feels amazing. I still have the weird thought patterns that accompanied it though, so I am working on that. About to go to the dentist, which I hate, so I am trying to keep my anxiety levels down. Hi, me again! What is a lightbox? What do you use it for? Ativan Mid April 1999-to end of May 1999 ( COLD TURKEY and flushed them down the toilet) I went through hell for 3 months-I had no idea what was happening to me there was no information on the internet about this drug) Zoloft 200mg 1999 to 2017 Wellbutrin 2015 6 months Started having exterme anxiety-quit taking switched back to Zoloft ( I have quit about 6 jobs from this time0 Klonopin .5-1.0 of and on for two months (tapered off in Dec-Jan) 15 mg Remeron 2012-presnt **Started tapering down Zoloft 12/?/17 12/09/17 down to 50mg; 12/12/17-12/14-17 Zoloft 100mg; 12/16/201712/19 -Zoloft 150mg; 12/20/17-01/06/18 Zoloft 200mg; 01/07/18-01//18/18 Zoloft 180mg 01/18/18-present Zoloft 200mg February 2018-Copaxone 40mg (3 times a week shots) (for Multiple Sclerosis)2/17/18 begin transition to liquid 200mg magnesium, fish oil Link to comment
Dalalea Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 38 minutes ago, samanthaelizabeth said: What is a lightbox? Hi Samantha! I have one that looks similar to this. It's used for seasonal depression. light therapy Dalalea's Introduction Off All SSRI Medications: Effexor 2010 one monthSertraline 50 mg. but only took 25 mg. daily because of dizziness. 2010 to July 2017 Tapered over 2 months beginning the 1st of June 2017 -- Off Sertraline by July 30, 2017 Current Medication: Losartan (blood pressure), Albuterol (for asthma- only as needed)Current Symptoms: tinnitus, hearing loss in one ear, allergies My Plan: Prayer, Scripture, Walk, Yoga, Encourage Others, Healthy EatingGeneric SSRI Withdrawal Symptom and Plan Checklists and Graph.xlsx Current Supplements: Magnesium Threonate, Fish Oil, probiotic, B-12, C, D-3 Current Essential Oils: Frankincense, Bergamot, Orange, Lemon, Lavender, Peppermint, CloveCurrent Essential Oil Blends: Brain Power, Clarity, Stress Away Link to comment
kangamangus Posted May 11, 2018 Author Share Posted May 11, 2018 Hello all. It has been about 3 months since I have posted. I have continued with my taper and I am now down to 50mg zoloft daily and I completed my taper off of remeron about 3 weeks ago. My symptoms continue to bother me, but I feel I have made incremental progress. My Dp/dr was better but since I have tapered off of remeron it has gotten worse again. Very frustrating. I still feel quite depressed and emotionally numb, but I have had moments where I feel positive emotions and happiness. I hope everybody is doing well, I have missed you guys I look forward to catching up with you Drug History: Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg. September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg Current dose as of 5/11/2018 50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay. Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue Link to comment
Littlegrandma Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 Hi Kang thanks for the PM. So nice of you to think about me. I’m sorry the dp/dr is plaguing you again but it has gotten better in the past and will again. It’s only been 3 wks since you completed the remeron taper. Can you tell me how you tapered and how you felt after each drop? Are you still tapering Zoloft or holding right now? Were you tapering both meds at the same time? Ive pretty much been in a holding pattern for almost a year now. Started this whole process with 1 drug, lexapro, and now am on 4. Ive had no improvement and am barely functioning on a daily basis. I started micro taper lunesta a few weeks ago, 1% a week. I think the whole process is causing more anxiety than the taper itself. My family is really pushing me now to put the phone down, stay off the forum and get off my meds. My anxiety and dp/dr has gotten worse even with months long holds. I’m having trouble with acceptance and am completely consumed by these drugs and angry with myself and the healthcare system for being on them. I had a pretty good attitude about it for most of the year but that is all down the drain now as I see my physical and mental health getting worse. Its good to hear from you again, but being back on here means you’re struggling so that makes me sad. xx Lex 4.3mg, 3/2/18 Ativan ,5 mg, lunesta 2 mg , toprol 25 mg Oct 16-28 2018 C/O to 19 mg V from 1.5 mg Ativan, 1.3 mg lunesta jan 22 2019- 11 mg V jan 23 - pneumonia, 2 AB’s. Hold taper july 5- 10.72 V July 6- 11 mg V- ugly bad july 11- 10.72 mg V, 4.3 lex, 25 mg toprol Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus SkyBlue Posted May 16, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 16, 2018 On 5/11/2018 at 12:07 AM, kangamangus said: Hello all. It has been about 3 months since I have posted. I have continued with my taper and I am now down to 50mg zoloft daily and I completed my taper off of remeron about 3 weeks ago. My symptoms continue to bother me, but I feel I have made incremental progress. My Dp/dr was better but since I have tapered off of remeron it has gotten worse again. Very frustrating. I still feel quite depressed and emotionally numb, but I have had moments where I feel positive emotions and happiness. I hope everybody is doing well, I have missed you guys I look forward to catching up with you Thanks for the update, kanga (great name!). I'm glad you're seeing incremental progress, at least. Dp/dr can be frustrating. You might find this forum thread helpful -- in it, our own Altostrata tells how she used to experience dp/dr but doesn't anymore at all: http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1766-derealization-or-depersonalization/ Best wishes for your continued healing! 2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever. 2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds. 2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better. Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.) "You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa Link to comment
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