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FarmGirlWorks

FarmGirlWorks: sertraline WD - kundalini yoga helping

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jen84
On 5/13/2018 at 10:56 AM, FarmGirlWorks said:

I just read the thread about Claire Weekes. She is beloved here at SA and this is the time to learn how to deal with this anxiety. I feel like recovery is being prolonged by not. I tried to listen to her several months ago but could not abide by her prim voice (audiobook)

Hi FGW, I found Claire Weekes to be really helpful when I first started trying to understand my anxiety. I bought one of her books, and read it in record timing... It is a small book, but still. I hope it helps even just a little bit for you. 

 

My New counsellor is urging me to listen to Abraham Hicks, I havent listened to her much but so far I find her way of communicating is easier to listen to. YouTube has a boat load of her videos.

 

I'm glad your physical symptoms are easing, and i hope that with time the anxiety, depression and cortisol ease for you as well. 

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FarmGirlWorks

Hi @jen84: ah, memories. I think what I mainly took away from CW is not to add secondary anxiety to anxiety. And, even if you feel badly, to keep putting one foot in front of the other even if it is very slowly. I am skeptical of AH but whatever works in this shite. I just finished the book "Death Grip" written by a world-class climber who had a hard(!) benzo experience; his POV is similar to mine and I really related. Afterward, he accepted his darkness and is learning not to be afraid of it.

 

I went thru a black depression, recently, enhanced by hormones (oh joy to be a woman) but am now past it. There is a new situational/life major stressor which has created anxiety but as the stressor is good, the anxiety doesn't seem so awful. Still have head pressure and cog fog but counting blessings that the depression has lightened.

 

How are you?

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Rosetta

I'm really glad you are feeling better, FWG.  A good situational stressor?  It's great that you can look at it that way.  I recoil from any stress, but I have noticed that I can see the upside of some events now whereas I used to see everything as a negative.  I consider that a very hopeful sign.  I hope UTI have a lovely Sunday.  -Rosetta

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FarmGirlWorks

Thanks @Rosetta... that depression was deep and black, as bad as the first year. I'm glad to hear you are able to see some stressors as not all negative. Definitely hormones play a big role. As soon as TOTM happened, depression began to lighten. And hahahaha: love that you put "UTI have a lovely Sunday." That made me smile.

 

"Good" situational stressor is as intense as I have ever experienced: made contact last Sunday night with my biological father. Core shattering, identity shifting, beautiful and terrifying. I told another member here that I was really going to try to avoid situational stressors but can't avoid what life throws at me. Well, a few days later, life threw me a big one. Meeting him in a few weeks. He is almost 82 and I am 52 so procrastination is not an option.

 

Plus I broke up with someone yesterday. Necessary but sad.

 

Vis-a-vis WD, I feel so ashamed that I have to meet him with this crap still hanging over my head. While the depression has lifted (right now), it has been replaced with anxiety and excitement. And I still have cog fog, head pressure/headaches, bad sleep. However, I talked to another adoptee who met her bio-father when she was in acute WD from benzos and drinking and snorting coke: he saw her when it was really bad. So I can be thankful that I am not drinking and the day I meet him will be my 2 year anniversary from sertraline CT. Just being as careful as I can right now, reaching out so I do not go crazy.

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Rabe

Oh FGW...that is so exciting!!  I am so happy for you!  I hope you continue to feel better and that things go well!  Hugs!💜

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RachelSusan

FGW,

 

Wow, this is big, making contact with your bio Dad.  I can see why you might be anxious and excited at the same time.  As the day gets closer both feelings may possibly ratchet up higher. Just remember we are here for you.

 

Sorry about the breakup. Breakups are indeed difficult, but it sounds like you are able to process it and work through it. 

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FarmGirlWorks
3 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

As the day gets closer both feelings may possibly ratchet up higher. Just remember we are here for you.

Word to the max. I will definitely write an update(s) regarding this. I am just putting one step ahead of the other and trying to be more disciplined so I don't go down to rumination rabbit hole. Thanks @RachelSusan and @Rabe.

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Dejavu

FGW, how exciting to meet your bio dad! I'll be thinking of you on the big day. You've got this!!

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FarmGirlWorks

Thanks @Dejavu... I don't exactly feel like I've got it but I usually do. In emojis, I feel like meeting him as such: 😱😬😳💪😃... can't find the vomiting emoji but that really covers it.

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FarmGirlWorks

I just got an email from "PharmaSolutions" to be part of a drug trial they're doing regarding "generalized anxiety disorder." I wrote back a soft, sensitive message about how Big Pharma has made my life great:

 

Subject: F*&K YOU TO HELL

Remove me from list. Zoloft withdrawal has made my life HELL the last two years.

 

(I guess I haven't let go of anger towards them 🙂

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Rosetta

((((FGW)))). Good luck meeting your dad. -R

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India

@FarmGirlWorks just started to read through your journey. I know that snow flake experience well. I seem to be in a wave again so even writing gives me a headache.  I will check out the neuro audio book. Sorry if you have answered already. Did you get any memory/cognitive issues?

what is your theory on ssri withdrawal, or at least, what has underpinned your journey? I like that everyone brings their unique perspective made up of different research and self report. This is truly the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. 8 months in and still on 6mg I get despondent but I must try to lift myself like others here are.

 

Congratulations on the gains you’ve made and the strength you shown in the face of difficulty. Plan to head to the Emin exhibition next week. 

 

Good luck with your meeting of your bio-father. 

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FarmGirlWorks

Hey @India, sorry that you're in a wave. WD is so very hard.

 

 

6 hours ago, India said:

what is your theory on ssri withdrawal, or at least, what has underpinned your journey? I like that everyone brings their unique perspective made up of different research and self report.

I don't think I am smart enough to have a theory; the moderators and certainly some of the success stories have theories though. I believe, have faith, that neuroreceptors in the body are damaged and need lots of time to grow back. I wish there was a magic genie who could tell me how to make this go faster and think maybe I am messing up by not taking this supplement or that or being able to afford therapy or being too isolated.. etc etc. What underpinned this journey so far has been nutrition in the form of food not supplements, kundalini yoga, and finding a couple truly supportive people and losing toxic people who don't believe in WD.

 

Still, it's been rough. Situational stressors galore... thinking about the past year is truly shudder-inducing. And there is more to come with the first meeting of the bio-father and older parents. And watching "Leaving Neverland" which, as a childhood sexual abuse survivor, the anhedonia made me feel like a robot while watching it but the Oprah show regarding it at least drew tears. I wish I could have sobbed... not now though.

 

6 hours ago, India said:

 I will check out the neuro audio book.

I don't remember any of it so doubt that it was very helpful. Maybe in the time, it was. But forgotten like everything else read it seems. It's like I have to read or listen to stuff every day to maintain memories. Right now, though, everything I am reading is about adoptees.

 

6 hours ago, India said:

This is truly the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. 8 months in and still on 6mg I get despondent but I must try to lift myself like others here are.

Yes yes and yes: I've had a brain tumor and a 17-hour craniotomy and, while I had to learn how to walk talk eat again, this has been much harder and longer. I told my spiritual teacher a few weeks ago that I lost both my body and my mind and losing the mind is a far worse fate. I have been reading the Success Stories for an art project (so excited you're going to the Emin show... reviews have been mixed but the bad ones make me like the work even more). I suggest reading Success Stories as much as possible when you're in a wave. That and distraction.

 

Hope this helps and lmk what you think of the Emin show. Thanks for stopping by.

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JackieDecides
On 3/12/2019 at 1:27 PM, FarmGirlWorks said:

I just got an email from "PharmaSolutions" to be part of a drug trial they're doing regarding "generalized anxiety disorder." I wrote back a soft, sensitive message about how Big Pharma has made my life great:

 

I'm glad you told them! 😡

 

FGW - I have not followed your story closely (I am not keeping up with many people so far) but I read you will be meeting your Dad and I want to congratulate you for being so brave. I look forward to reading about the meeting. 

 

I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea of a good stressor and I need to think more about it. maybe I need to be more welcoming of the challenges that keep showing up - what doesn't kill you really does make you stronger...it's a good outlook. 

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FarmGirlWorks

My story is pretty much like everyone else's here (with some funny bits) so no offense if you don't read it. Thanks for the congrats, much appreciated. It is terrifying, nausea-inducing, and awesome. Like I said, I go from fetus to 52 in 60 seconds. I copped "good stressor" from my acupuncturist who said it doesn't matter what it is, the body registers stress the same. And certainly some stressors (depression, family health crap, crazy neighbors) are objectively "bad." Definitely affects my mood and outlook. Just when there is something that is an intense, "good" stressor, it is still a stressor and needs to be treated with kid gloves. As much as possible anyways. Be easy on yourself: this is hard stuff.

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