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FarmGirlWorks: Sertraline WD - kundalini yoga helping

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FarmGirlWorks

Thanks, RachelSusan... I too would LOVE to have coffee and a doughnut. I just had some pomegranate juice which is supposed to be good for reducing anxiety and I do feel a little better. We do have to have a sense of humor and grit about this and I appreciate your support. Know that I am rooting for you too. We will get thru this and have a good laugh -- or cry.

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FarmGirlWorks

Want to mark 9 months off the poison of Zoloft/sertraline. Have been in a Wave since well before xmas. It peaked last week before I got my period Sunday morning. Was super bad the last few days with extreme anxiety and depression. Then I started menstruation and now am emotionally okay. Poor women: I am 51 and the perimenopausal hormonal shifts are a bat. Physically, my eyes are letting out tears... it is not exactly crying, it is more like continual leaking. I am hoping eye leaking is a good sign that emotions are coming back online in this withdrawal rollercoaster.

 

Did get to apologize to a relative who has anxiety and, four years ago, I touted how wonderful sertraline was for me. I had no idea of the discontinuation/WD problem a.k.a. hell. She is still happy with it and it works for her but I dread the day that it doesn't I didn't go into the craziness of this period, just told her to ask me for support if the time ever comes that she wants to get off.

 

I wish I could change my intro line as I haven't been to an AA meeting since September (still, it was helpful). It feels like a white lie :-)

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Kristine

Hi FGW, and congratulations for 9 months off!  I'm sorry you are suffering the hormonal menopausal crap that us ladies have to endure.  It's so challanging on top of withdrawal and difficult to seperate the symptoms from both.  I'm starting to head into the menopausal arena, far to many issues in that department 😳 Btw I think eye leaking is a good sign and a very good description!

 

2 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Did get to apologize to a relative who has anxiety and, four years ago, I touted how wonderful sertraline was for me. I had no idea of the discontinuation/WD problem a.k.a. hell. She is still happy with it and it works for her but I dread the day that it doesn't I didn't go into the craziness of this period, just told her to ask me for support if the time ever comes that she wants to get off.

I don't think you needed to apologise...you were brainwashed into believing a lie.  That's why most of us are here. None of this is your fault.  However, it shows you are have a strong moral character and sensitivity towards others ...I like that ☺️ K

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FarmGirlWorks

Thanks, Kristine. You are a lovely source of support and encouragement. I do hope eye leaking is a good sign :)

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RachelSusan
5 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

She is still happy with it and it works for her but I dread the day that it doesn't I didn't go into the craziness of this period, just told her to ask me for support if the time ever comes that she wants to get off.

Hi FGW,

 

Happy 9 months off birthday.  Although it may not be too happy for you if you are just coming out of wave.  I hope you are enough out of it that you are feeling OK now.

 

I wanted to applaud you for how you phrased your offer of support to your relative. I too have relatives on antidepressants and I cautiously suggested they might let me tell them just a little about some of the possible downsides of antidepressants. After I hit a brick wall with that topic I changed my tone to one of help should they ever want to stop.  I like you word "support", I think that's even better than an offer of "help". I will borrow your line, I hope you don't mind.

 

I'm currently tapering Zoloft myself.  It's bad.  I still stand in awe of you.  You've gone through this fast taper and you are still standing, you are able to write witty posts here on this site.  I'm not kidding, for the longest time I could barely think let alone write coherently.

 

Sending warm thoughts to you. 

 

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FarmGirlWorks

Thanks for the kind support, RS. Yes, Zoloft WD is not fun in the least. I empathize for all of us in this situation but, especially, the former Zoloft victims. My admiration to you for always providing the perfect support.

 

I feel okay now that the period began... was reading on BrainPickings.com about Walt Whitman who had a debilitating stroke when he was 53. Even though physically disabled, he was mentally/emotionally fine and continued to live happily despite his limitations. It underscored to me that one can be good physically but if the mental component is messed up, life quickly becomes not worth living. I may have leaky eyes and some uterine pain but so, so grateful to be in a better state of mind.

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Rosetta

Hi! Thank you for stopping by my thread.  I hope you are feeling well today.  Sertraline - I wish it had never been invented - dopamine, norepinephrine AND serotonin affects?!  No, thank you!  

 

Peace, 

Rosetta

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FarmGirlWorks

And I hope you are feeling well too, Rosetta. I still have "leaky eyes" but, after this morning's cortisol spike, I am emotionally stable. Knocking on wood now that this window stays.

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Rosetta

So glad to hear it!!  I hope you wake tomorrow without the cortisol!  It really does happen I'm pleasantly surprised to report!

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FarmGirlWorks

Wow: that is good to hear... hope.

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FarmGirlWorks

Still have leaking eyes -- it's like constant, quiet weeping. I got a head cold and am triggered by it to feel more isolated and hopeless. I'm just taking it easy this eve, watching a few movies. The inner critic is telling me I should work, work, work but I know that it is WD rearing its ugly head. The cog fog is too great right now.

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Glosmom

Just being inspired by your ability to stay off. My daughter is younger and tapering off o a different type of drug, but i know her path will be similar.  I have been monitoring her symptoms as they relate to her period and it is very obvious that her hormones impact how she feels and acts.  Always worse symptoms after she ovulates (week 3) and right before she starts (week 4) and then after she starts, she is almost a different person.  i long for the day she is off this drug (risperdal) although i know she may continue to have windows and waves.  I believe that even if she has to have waves, having windows where she shows up happier and closer to her old self are worth the waves.  I want her to heal naturally over time (years if it takes) so look forward when she is med free....like you!!! Be proud of all the work you have done

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FarmGirlWorks

Thank you so much,

3 minutes ago, Glosmom said:

I want her to heal naturally over time (years if it takes) so look forward when she is med free....like you!!! Be proud of all the work you have done

That is the only thing that keeps me off on super rough days like today: there are windows and there is a glimpse of healthiness. Your daughter is lucky to have a mom monitoring he progress and helping he on this rocky path. Thanks!

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FarmGirlWorks

I think the Wave has abated but not totally gone. My eyes are still leaking -- like constant crying but just tears coming out of swollen eyes but not dependent on emotions. I just noticed that the tears are no longer constant but every hour or so. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and realized it had been the first one since I got up.

 

I have been eating oatmeal with turmeric and coconut flakes and honey for breakfast and that seems to be a helpful habit. Somewhere -- here? -- I read that oatmeal, bee pollen and brewer's yeast help calm the central nervous system. I understand that this is a waiting game that requires time and more time but I'll do anything I can to push that process along as it sucks so much. My bf loaned me his device which combines pulsing lights and binaural sound that can be used for anxiety, sleep, creativity, energy, focus... I have used it for two days and actually think it is helping me relax a tiny bit. Even if it is a placebo, it is a great 20-minute psychedelic ride.

 

I feel guilty because I had a TBI (traumatic brain injury) 14 years ago when a large acoustic neuroma was surgically removed from my brain and changed my life hard. Nerves on my right side never recovered so I have a motor disability (you can barely see it now but it is difficult to write and I have a slight limp). I had vocal surgery because my right vocal chord was paralyzed. I can talk okay now but, esp if I am tired, words slur. I can only hear on the left side as the auditory nerve on the right side was cut, which resulted in deafness and constant tinnitus. Anyways, there was nothing I could have done to prevent that. But! I brought this Zoloft WD on myself. I looked back at photos of now and the last five years I was on sertraline. I looked happy in most of the shots. This year, ever since WD began, I obviously am going through some kind of hell. Dead shark eyes. And everyone I know that is on some kind of SSRI or adderall look healthy, great. I look sick and know I act crazy sometimes. I feel badly -- although I know that it is part of our over-medicated/opioid crisis culture that made this easy but still... I feel badly that I was the one who inflicted a TBI on myself this time.
 

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Rosetta

Hi.  How are you doing?  That's a new fact about you -- the TBI from brain surgery.  Sorry to hear that.  I wanted to say that the guilty feellings might be neuro-emotions.  Yes, I feel a bit "stupid" for trusting a doctor or the pharmaceutical researchers to have been careful with my brain, but I don't think we should let feeling guilty trick us into believing we are guilty.  We are supposed to be able to trust our doctors and all the professors and medical researchers.  We can't.  We didn't know that 19-25 years ago, but now we do now.

 

We are going to get through this.  You and I were on the same drug and did fast tapers at about the same time.  I finished in Feb sometime before the 21st.  You finished April 1st (ah Fools Day, huh?  Quite the coincidence.).  We are about the same age.  I have the fluctuations due to hormones, too.  Last year, before I was very ill, I thought this was all peri-menopause.  Then it got really bad, and I couldn't believe that peri menopause was so awful.   I'm glad I didn't have the strength to go to the doctor!!

 

You are not a fool and neither am I!  Believe that. I don't think anger is very useful.  It's counterproductive, but recognizing that we were justified in trusting our doctors is useful.  Even placing blame equally on myself AND the people who were supposed to protect us -- the FDA, the doctors, the researchers who sold their souls -- isn't all bad.  Sometimes it helps me cope and reminds me that I'm not guilty even if I feel guilty.  If feeling guilty is leading to depression it's gone too far.  Chuck it.  Does that make any sense?  I hope so.

 

I think that we have to look out for #1 when we are sitting inside our own minds and feeling too much anger or guilt and then falling into the trap of turning that emotion back on ourselves instead of using it for its best purpose -- to take action.  That's what got me into this mess originally -- turning feeling of (unwarranted) guilt and justifiable anger against myself; I don't know about you.  Taking action can be as simple as being kind to ourselves in the way we would be kind to a friend who trusted someone and got burned.  What would you tell her?  Tell yourself the same: it's really not your fault, but you have to deal with it all the same.  No one is going to wave a magic wand and make you well tomorrow, and no one is going to punish the people who betrayed you.  That doesn't mean you are to blame.  It's just that the universe doesn't have the ability to care about us.  So, greedy people get to knock us around and tell us we are to blame for the consequences because we were "stupid."  I don't buy it!

 

Cause and effect are operating in our civilization regardless of fairness or justice or mercy being values we hold.  The universe has no values, and justice is something we can force to operate within our own minds only; outside of our minds it operates randomly or haphazardly as far as we can tell.  No matter what justice does outside of our minds it will not turn back the clock or erase what we've experienced.  We got burned because we trusted the untrustworthy.  Now, inside my mind I'm going to see justice operate the way that is best for me -- I'm going to believe I did the best I could at the time (age 29) with the knowledge I had to try to make my life bearable.  I failed then, but I'm not going to fail this time.  I know the facts.  I'm not "stupid" any longer, and I'm not guilty either.  Neither are you.

 

I sure hope this helps and doesn't hurt at all.  I hope your window is still there, but if not that it will be back soon.  Take care.

 

Peace,

Rosetta

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FarmGirlWorks

Thanks for that, Rosetta.  Well-written as ever and just the gentle kick in the pants that I needed. Ah, guilt. It's an easy emotion that is a well-rutted path in my brain. Being guilty or angry or ashamed is a way to feel like we had agency or control about taking those pills. Yes, I chose to put those pills in my mouth every day as that is what many of my friends did, what my physician recommended, and therapist cheered. Yes, it was my choice but it was made in a culture of "take it, take it, take it already."

 

And, the perimenopause makes it confusing to tease what is WD and what is perimenopause. But there have been a few times since WD that I have not had major PMDD/PMS and not sure what to make of that. As our bodies change at this time, the only constant is change itself.

 

The reason I chose April 1 is that it is my favorite holiday of the year: I love practical jokes. But also, I wanted to take ayahuasca for the first time since taking Zoloft and needed to at least have two weeks clean as serotonin syndrome is a danger. While not religious now, I still do Lent each year and miss the rituals of Easter in the church (albeit my mom took me to a crazy church in the woods with a reformed motorcycle gang leader for pastor and was one step away from snake handling). I've participated in arty/jokey mockeries of Easter over the years but it never sat well. This year, I decided to do an authentic prayer on Easter and particpated in an ayahuasca ceremony. It was great but I was not in WD after just two weeks completely stopping Zoloft. There is no way I could have done it a month later...

 

I can step back a little today because I am in a short window. Combination of good news, listening to Dr Kelly Brogan's book and implementing some of her nutritional suggestions (but not supplements), taking fish oil and sunflower lecithin for healthy brain fats, and -- best of all -- using the swimming pool, whirlpool, and sauna at a new gym. The hydrotherapy is divine, warm water envelops my body in a soft cocoon. The window allows me to feel less anxious and depressed. I am grateful for SA as it reminds me of how bad it has been, and possibly still can be, but improves albeit slowly.

 

I do hope that your healing comes soon. And mine too. Stay in touch. It helps to have someone who gets it in this mess.

 

 

 

 

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Rosetta

Ah, yes, the guilt helps us have some semblance of control except that it's after the fact and of no use unless . . . we can see that we have control over some things in the furture!  I'm glad you took my words well.  I wasn't sure.  

 

A whirlpool.  Perfect!  That's what I need to do today.  

 

You our take care, too.  See you soon.

 

Rosetta

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Kristine
21 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

I can step back a little today because I am in a short window. Combination of good news, listening to Dr Kelly Brogan's book and implementing some of her nutritional suggestions (but not supplements), taking fish oil and sunflower lecithin for healthy brain fats, and -- best of all -- using the swimming pool, whirlpool, and sauna at a new gym. The hydrotherapy is divine, warm water envelops my body in a soft cocoon. The window allows me to feel less anxious and depressed. I am grateful for SA as it reminds me of how bad it has been, and possibly still can be, but improves albeit slowly.

Hey FGW,  I appreciate your encouragement on my thread.  What you write above was lovely to read.  I've been thinking of going to a pool...exercise is a big problem for me because of the muscle pain.  might make moving around easier.  I also read about guilt! Lord, what a ridiculous and damaging emotion!!! Hugs to you. K xox

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FarmGirlWorks
15 hours ago, Kristine said:

I've been thinking of going to a pool...exercise is a big problem for me because of the muscle pain.

Hi Kristine,

I decided to just swim for a while instead of cardio machines as the water feels good and is low stress. I hope you can make it to a pool. I took an epsom salt bath last night with relaxing essential oil. And, as usual, I sweated a lot overnight. I hope that I am sweating out toxins from my body. So, even if you can't make it to a pool, the epsom baths feel so good.

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Kristine
2 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Hi Kristine,

I decided to just swim for a while instead of cardio machines as the water feels good and is low stress. I hope you can make it to a pool. I took an epsom salt bath last night with relaxing essential oil. And, as usual, I sweated a lot overnight. I hope that I am sweating out toxins from my body. So, even if you can't make it to a pool, the epsom baths feel so good.

Hey FGW,  Yes, it seems like a sensible option...my muscles have wasted away...I need to slowly get some strength back.  I used to ride my push bike to work everyday...but can't even walk on uneven ground because of my coordination and vertigo problems!!!!  I do have Epsom baths which is helpful for the muscle pain.  

 

On 16/01/2018 at 6:56 AM, FarmGirlWorks said:

My eyes are still leaking -- like constant crying but just tears coming out of swollen eyes but not dependent on emotions. I just noticed that the tears are no longer constant but every hour or so. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and realized it had been the first one since I got up

I'm sorry this is such a constant symptom,  even though it has abated slightly.  I guess tear production is yet another mechanism controlled by our nervous system...the symptoms of w/d are seemingly endless.  I hope your day is treating you well. K xo

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FarmGirlWorks

Wanted to note that at 9.75 months (yes, I count by weeks as month 8 and 9 have been interminably long), that I feel depersonalization. At least I think I do. I have been totally removed from my boyfriend and today apologized for my behavior which has been alternately distant and snappy. Ugh. However, I was able to cry(!) Was never able to do that on Zoloft. In the last few months , I'd say starting at month 7, I've been able to cry on my own occasionally. And once in front of a good friend. This is the first time that I've been able to cry in front of someone I am not as close to. So it was progress.

 

Since last night, my one hearing ear (my left ear) has had an echoing -- can't explain it -- ringing effect. It's weird and I am trying not to get too stressed by it as I had  24 hour hearing loss about seven years ago. This is not hearing loss, it is just an echoing effect. My eyes have quit leaking. Not sure if that is WD or related to an under eyelid rash that I had for a month. The right eyeball where the worst rash was sore for about a week. I quit using eye drops and it has slowly improved -- still there but better. Could have been a stye but did not see any.

 

Not sure if this was related to the flu shot or WD or something else. My distrust of doctors right now is deep so I refuse to go to a physician now. Tonight I am starting acupuncture (I get 12 times thru new health insurance) and she specializes in addictions. I am looking forward to seeing her for a few months. I hope it helps...

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Rosetta

The crying is good news, FGW.  That's improvement.  Crying always gave me a release and a period of calmness afterward.  I hope it does for you, too.

 

That feeling of being removed from my husband was awful!  I couldn't describe it.  I tried to say it was as if a thick glass wall was between us, but that wasn't accurate.  It was the best I could verbalized.  It hasn't come back in quite a while.

 

I would like to try acupuncture.  I've seen people on SA say it really helps.  Good luck,

 

Peace,

Rosetta

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FarmGirlWorks

Thanks, Rosetta. The acupuncture was lovely. Told her that the main issue for me is withdrawal and she worked on that. She focused on ear meridian points. And then she gave a short neck massage to help get me more grounded in my body. Afterward, I went to the gym and sat in the hot tub with the jets on my spine and that felt healing.The ear echo has improved -- it is like an echo with auto-tunes applied to it. Anyways, hoping it disappears soon.

 

I love your description of the DP. That is exactly how it feels. And it is upsetting. I can see it but am powerless to pass through that thick glass.

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FarmGirlWorks

Stablilization? Wave? Relapse? I am not sure where this state can be categorized. I am depressed but it feels more situational (unstable freelance work, trying to start a new business but fearful about losing disability check, envious of my friends who have property in the crazy boom years of Seattle) than chemical. My anxiety is not like a wave when I feel like jumping out of my skin and popping Benadryl. It is there but at a manageable level. I try to remember back to when I was more content and optimistic without medication. A sense of security and being in a similar economic boat with others made it feel okay. That is definitely not like it is now. But, again, it feels like situational rather than chemical. Is that normal? I feel like I am waking up but instead of a sunny day it is grey and dark. Of course, that is the reality of winter in Seattle :-)

 

Ah, this does not make sense but I want to note here that if this is stabilization then it feels kinda crappy.

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Rosetta

Hi FGW.  

 

Wow, maybe you are stabilizing!  Wouldn't that be great?!  I know, it's a little . . . ok,  I know, it's very disappointing . . . that it's not 100% better, but it will be.  I have just powered through anxiety to wash my hair and my kid's.  It feels good to have accomplished that without yelling at her.  I got irritable, but I told her I was sorry.  We need to go out today because we stayed home most of the day yesterday.  Two days of that, and we all get very irritable.  Now, to keep her clean before school tomorrow.

 

Ugh, the financial thing!! I know what you mean.  Everything is out of whack these days.  I have had to accept that I will have less than I had hoped because of the way things have gone for me.  Usually, I can see some of the advantages to having less. I don't have the energy to do all the things other people do anyway.  

 

You are almost 10 months off.  That's a big deal apparently.  I keep seeing people talk about that.  I was at the 10 month point in mid-Dec.  It seems like it was a turning point for me.  The beginning of every wave after that has been very upsetting.  They start and I'm so disappointed, but looking back they have been mild compared to what I went through before that.  My fears have not been justified.  They really did become easier and easier just as most people on SA said they would. I wish I could promise you that you will have the same timeline I have so far.  What I am sure of is that you are and will heal. I'm so excited for you!

 

Rosetta

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FarmGirlWorks

Yes, exactly: it feels disappointing because as humans we chase happiness. I was secretly hoping for sunshine and daisies and the clouds to part and rays of sunshine to stream down. This is not that. But I am not crazed right now; blue, but not insane.

 

Not sure if this is a period of stability before a wave or not. I am skeptical about calling it "recovery" until I have a few months of lower anxiety under my belt. From what I've read here and heard anecdotally, it takes a good year or two to actually recover from these poisons. Dunno but I am not-so-secretly hoping it doesn't take that long. I do feel like I am "waking up." It is like actually seeing small choices and making decisions about them or not being scared of making a wrong small decision (let's try doing this with my right hand instead of left to see which works better... ah, the right works better so I will try it that way). Big decisions are still way too scary and I kick the can down the road on those. I am getting more work done in a non-emotional manner and am not so fatigued all the time.

 

Thanks for the response, Rosetta. Getting out is definitely helpful and that is a big deal that you were able to tell your daughter "sorry." Hope your day is great.

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Rosetta

HI FGW, Hope you are doing well! -- Rosetta

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FarmGirlWorks

Still stable: blue but not jumping out of my skin. I am just doing tasks mechanically and without joy. But that is better than a few months ago and I hope that someday there is contentment too.

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FarmGirlWorks

I'd like to post this as a semi-accurate documenting of quitting zoloft (sertraline) on April 1 2017. Will update as months change and memory improves.

 

2017

February (B-WD): make decision to quit SSRI/AD Zoloft. Goal is to do Ayahuasca on Easter.

March(B-WD): fast taper from 50mg to 0 mg

April (Ground Zero): AD free April 1, ayahuasca ceremony on April 16. Start to get more irritable later in month. Stopped therapy as therapist wanted me to increase Zoloft dosage or switch to Lexapro. No thank you.

May: (m1) Started kundalini practice mid-month, stopped drinking May 20… saw depression as an outside entity that I was giving power.  Getting seriously cranky now.

June (m2):  AA and started shaman work… irritable and depressed.

July (m3): Depressed, rising anxiety, no resilience with triggers.

Aug (m4): Anxious with “good days” where I was not thru-the-roof anxious and many “bad” days where I was white-knuckling it and trying to make it alive through each day.  Suicidal ideation. Started low-histamine diet in late-month.

Sept (m5): Window thru late Aug to late Sept where I felt optimistic generally. Weather changed on Sep21, got period and needed a massage due to barometric pressure change… start of high anxiety again.

Oct (m6): bad bad anxiety… hypnotherapy for 3 sessions. Panic attack mid-month. White-knuckling it. Taking Benadryl in morning to stop hands from shaking. Stopped coffee and started tea, mostly herbal. Suicidal ideation.

Nov (m7): took new supplement once and could barely move w/o vomiting for 3 days. Panic attacks mid-month. Then possibility of losing subsidized rental due to Tax Cut bill and was triggered HARD. No resilience. Frankly, I think it took 6 weeks to recover even though we were spared and found out by xmas.  Benadryl in mornings. Suicidal ideation.

Dec (m8): Seriously depressed, anxious. Benadryl as needed. Suicidal ideation. Eyes started “leaking” tears continuously.

2018

Jan (m9): Eyes “leaked” tears continually until mid-month. Started oatmeal/honey/turmeric/coconut/bee pollen combo. Late in month, started weekly acupuncture, got a gym membership and started swimming and sitting in the hot tub with jets. Started to stabilize.

Feb (m10): Blue but not anxious — stable. Ate protein w/in 30 minutes of waking. Became primarily gluten-free. Started body brushing, taking aspirin at beginning of month. Coffee enemas by mid-month.

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Rosetta

Hi,

 

Thsnks for writing on my thread, FGW.  You give me hope.  Maybe my anxiety is close to being over, too.  I'm really glad yours is.  Depression is hard, I know.  We are on a similar timeline.  I'm beginning month 13 now.  Hang in there.  It's happening.  -- Rosetta

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FarmGirlWorks

Thanks, Rosetta -- it helps a little that someone is just about at the same point from Zoloft/CT. Oh and I do still have anxiety; was triggered this weekend and am still coming back from that. However, the anxiety is not out-of-control like it was this summer and fall. Still, I hope it gets better. The depression and anhedonia are not fun. Listening to audiobook "NeuroSculpting" to work on the "stinkin' thinkin'" prong of this.And this is a lifelong issue brought more into focus due to WD. At my first Meet-Up group for folks getting off of ADs, one guy said it did not change much for him until he learned to change his thought pattern. And I believe that but have not practiced it. So here goes!

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Kristine

Hey FGW, I have been meaning to drop by for so long but just know you are often in my thoughts :wub: I see that your support group is going well! Bravo you! I really admire you for putting this together.  How are you going?  Thank you for all your support my friend. Much Love. K xo

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Downbutnotout
On 1/3/2018 at 1:12 PM, Rosetta said:

Hi! Thank you for stopping by my thread.  I hope you are feeling well today.  Sertraline - I wish it had never been invented - dopamine, norepinephrine AND serotonin affects?!  No, thank you!  

 

Peace, 

Rosetta

I’m with you about wishing this stuff hadn’t been invented. 

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FarmGirlWorks

@Kristine thanks for stopping by. I am coping day-by-day... anhedonia is significant now. Like yesterday, I was snowshoeing on a beautiful snowy road with snowflakes wafting down and while I recognized that it was objectively "beautiful" felt absolutely nothing. I feel so spoiled that I can't enjoy it. However... I do think about what @Gridley said to note the beauty in your head and eventually your body will go along for the ride. I kept going on the untrammeled snow and concentrated on making a new path in the snow and in my brain. It is hard and often I think I am just ruined from the damn poison but then I have a "good" day and am hopeful again. The group is helpful to me and, I think, to others who just get to meet in-person people who are going through this. I saw a bit of your thread... how are you coping with the titration?

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Rosetta
On February 20, 2018 at 7:27 PM, FarmGirlWorks said:

Thanks, Rosetta -- it helps a little that someone is just about at the same point from Zoloft/CT. Oh and I do still have anxiety; was triggered this weekend and am still coming back from that. However, the anxiety is not out-of-control like it was this summer and fall. Still, I hope it gets better. The depression and anhedonia are not fun. Listening to audiobook "NeuroSculpting" to work on the "stinkin' thinkin'" prong of this.And this is a lifelong issue brought more into focus due to WD. At my first Meet-Up group for folks getting off of ADs, one guy said it did not change much for him until he learned to change his thought pattern. And I believe that but have not practiced it. So here goes!

 

Just dropping by.   Did the Neurosculpting book help?

 

I went snow camping once.  It was magical waking up after an entire night of snow and being the first to put a print in it.  It was so quiet.  I miss that dampening effect that the snow has.  No snow where I live.  

 

So so sorry about the anhedonia.  I'm having struggles with it, too.

 

Congrats on your group!  You are awesome!

 

Peace, Rosetta

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