Trublu3: 31 years of antidepressant meds

[Trublu3]

Hi, Im a 48 year old male and have been on anti depressants for 31 years.

 

it all started as a teenager, I was severely bullied at school in outback Australia. Thrown down stairs, head flushed down toilets, beaten up and verbally abused all day every day. All because I'm a soft spoken gentle person, I was very different, I didn't fit in anywhere. I never sought help for my situation, never told anyone, because dobing is frowned upon in Australia. I coped by chucking a lot of sickies and wagging school. I was often pulled into the head masters office to discuss my record breaking absenteeism with my parents. I never told anyone why.

 

At about 16 I developed a nervous bladder. Constantly going to the toilet and fear of leakage. I actually told my Dr after a year of hell and he put me on Tofranil. Things improved but the bullying didn't stop, I just didn't care so much about it anymore.

 

School finished in 1986 and I moved straight away to Sydney and got an apprenticeship. I was never so happy, living in the inner city where everyone was accepted was a shock to me.

 

I stopped my meds at 18 and went cold turkey. Then out of nowhere I started to have anxiety attacks on public transport, it used to get so bad I'd wet myself in public and the shame of that made it all worse. I found a GP and told him of the panic attacks. He put me on Prozac. Wow, what a drug, I became a lunatic, but it was fun. After a while on it, I had an epileptic fit while driving on the Harbour Bridge, and crashed causing chaos. I'd been having brain zaps for a while and told my Dr. He took me off Prozac and put me straight onto Serzone. After a while they lost their efficacy and I was put on Zoloft. I won't bore you all with my many years of changing drugs, but to list, since then, I've been on Lexapro, Solian and the last one being Effexor XR.

 

The side effects of Effexor were so dibilitating my life became out of control, I was made redundant from my job, which I loved, because the whole IT was out sourced to India and the face-to-face jobs were replaced by migrants on special permanent work visas for half the price of us. We're all just numbers when it comes to business these days.. I had trouble finding a job and ended up on welfare. What they say here is "Too young to retire, too old to hire" It all got too much, jumping through the hoops to meet your obligations to get the welfare, I fell into a dark place and I took a whole packet of Solian to end my life. I ended up in hospital and luckily survived, even though I did a lot of damage to myself.  The stigma around suicide in Australia makes you wish you succeeded.

 

Finally 4 months ago, I decided to stop my meds. I dumped my Psychiatrist and decided to try and sort my mental health issues through Cognitive Thearapy with a Psychologist. I went cold turkey against my Drs advice because I at my wits end and just wanted it all to stop right now. I've since read on this site that it was stupid and dangerous thing to do, not to taper. I suppose in hind sight I see myself as a Anti Depressant Warrior, and I'd just be strong and put up with the withdrawal effects.

 

The withdrawal,effects were severe at the beginning, it was like having a never ending Flu. Head zaps. Zero apetite. I had constant suicidal thoughts. I became hyper-sensitive and over emotional, crying at the drop of a hat. I had horrible back pain. I had heart palpitations and my dicky bladder started to play up again. It was a rough ride and I spent most of it in bed. They all diminished over about 2 months.

 

Now my blood pressure is through the roof. So I'm on meds for hypertension now which have their own set of side effects. The Dr made me go on them even though I'm anti drugs at the moment. He said I'd have a stroke if I didn't. Also I now have bad reflux, my gut is really messed up. I'm thinking it's another withdrawal effect. I'm trying to treat that with Pro-Biotics.

 

Im seeing my Psychcologist every two weeks and he wishes he got hold of me at 16. He said my life would of been much different. I've improved my mental health with out meds for the first time in my life. Quite frankly, he is a brilliant man. He's encouraged me to start exercising, so I swim most days, now. He encouraged my ideas of becoming self employed and help me win a Government Grant to build my new business. Part of the grant is Business College, so I'm a student again and enjoying the course to no end. I've been assigned a business mentor for a year. It's no walk in the park, but I'm pushing myself to succeed.

 

Doing my Psychologists tests last week has proven my depression is categorised in the "Normal" scale. However my anxiety is up the top of the scale as "Severe". I've been having a new kind of anxiety attack about twice a day now. I'm having gagging attacks and coughing fits, the public must think I'm crazy as it often happens in public. I'm having some very good days and some very dark days.

 

Im thinking it's a withdrawal effect and even though I'm pushing through it, I have this overwhelming want to medicate. I'm drinking too much at night which my Dr says only makes my symptoms worse. He says I'm alcohol dependent. But I'm highly functioning, so now I have to deal with that before it becomes worse.

 

I read about "The Road Back" program and have started taking some herbs. Tart Cherry and Passionflower. Also a little spray bottle of Rescue Remedy (bach flower).

 

Oh well, thats my story and it was cathartic getting it all of my chest.

 

Ive been looking at this site every time I have new withdrawal effect and was heartened to know I'm not alone. The advice here has reassured me. Thank you all.

 

Be well,

 

 

Edited October 14, 2021 by Karma
added spacing; Updated name

[scallywag]

Trublu3 -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)

 

Cold-turkey is a tough way to stop these medications, especially after having been on them for more than 30 years.  I'm assuming that nobody gave you good information about the risks of doing so and about an alternative approach. 

 

Many of the symptoms you've been having, including the current high blood pressure, intense anxiety, and alcohol cravings you mention, are almost certainly withdrawal symptoms.  For more information, please read:

What is withdrawal syndrome.

Glenmullen’s withdrawal symptom list. -- downloads available in the first post

 

Please summarize your history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly:

• Any drugs prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
• Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
• Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016.
• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
• A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs.
• Link to Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.
   

It's wonderful to read that you have a supportive therapist who is assisting you to put the past in the past, understand how it affected you and to move forward. 

 

Your psychologist may not be up-to-speed about how seriously these medications affect people, even after stopping them, and how long it can take for some people to recover.  Many professionals - doctors, psychiatrists, nurses and psychologists - get their education about pharmaceuticals from material developed by the pharmaceutical manufacturers. That's a problem because the pharma producers have very strong incentives to promote only the positive side (however small) of their products and  NOT to investigate the damage they cause.  They have fought every step of the way when government regulatory bodies have required them to provide warnings about dangers of their products. If you're interested in reading more related to this issue, please read Anatomy of an Epidemic, by Robert Whitaker.

 

Thank you for taking time to register as a member and to post your story. It's good to learn about one of the anonymous viewers of the site. I hope you'll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation. I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but am glad that you found us.

 

Edited October 14, 2021 by Karma
Updated name

[Trublu3]

Thank You Scallywag for the welcome.

 

I've checked out those links and found them very useful. I think my Psych probably could of helped me taper if he knew about the whole withdrawal syndrome. I'm educating him and have directed him to this site. I understand my brain has to rebuild itself and this might take years. I'll have to soldier on and ignore my urges to medicate and go back on them. It's hard losing that crutch I've relied on for most of my life. I try to concentrate on the good things to come out of my cessation of the meds. I'm so much clearer in the head and think my IQ has actually gone up since I've stopped. I'm feeling it's going to be a long road back for me.

 

No where, can I find on the site if anyone is experiencing gagging fits and coughing fits. I've always been strange, ha ha.

 

Woke up this morning with suicidal thoughts and general malaise. It's disturbing having those feelings and thoughts after sleeping all night. It's not a nice way to wake up.

I felt heaps better at about 10am. So at least it's not relentless.

 

I'll work on my signature tonight. I hope it's alright if I just use the brand names as I'm no good at the official medical names of the Meds I've been on. Feel free to put the real drug names in if you want. Also the dates might be a bit inaccurate as I can't remember back to 1986 when I started the meds. I'll do my best.

[mammaP]

Hi Stu, welcome to SA. I am so very sorry to read of the bullying you suffered and think you are doing amazingly well after such an awful start to life. 

You could reinstate a very tiny dose of effexor. Just 1mg can make a difference and can be achieved by counting the tiny beads in a capsule to make 1mg or weighing them with a micro scale. When you are stable you can then start a slow taper from that small dose. 

Did the drinking start after quitting effexor, as a way of self medicating?  I have the gagging reflex occasionally, it is justr something I live with but now you have mentioned it, I realised it is not as big a problem now and happens rarely. (I also tapered effexor and took it for about 13 years in total).   Before I started tapering I started every day feeling suicidal, and was so exhausted that I was bedridden for a while, and housebound for years. As I tapered the side effects lessened and I felt gkad to be alive. Sadly I went too fast, had to reinstate and start again on a very small dose which stabilised me and then tapered off the small dose. Withdrawal can go on for a very long time, reinstating is not giving in or a weakness it is doing the best for your brain and nervous system. 

 

We don't recommend the Road Back, they sell vastly overpriced supplements that at best create very expensive urine! The supplements we recommend to all our members are fish oil and magnesium, which both help with some of the symptoms of withdrawal but don't cure it. There is onky one cure and that is the drug that has been stopped but it doen't have to be the high doses that were taken, in fact very often reinstating the full dose makes people very sick and they then end up on a cocktail of drugs when all that was needed was a very small dose to quiet the withdrawal. 

 

I will post you some links on reinstating and fish oil/magnesium  Also Dr Glenmullen's withdrawal check list, which is a PDF that will download. 

 

Reinstating

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms/

Withdrawal checklist

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?app=core&module=attach&section=attach&attach_id=440

Fish oil/magnesium

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/?view=findpost&p=100596&hl=magnesium

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

 

 

[Trublu3]

Thanks MammaP,

I'm just too frightened to even take a few beads of Effexor. I'll take your advice and sleep on it. I'm wondering if 4 months of withdrawal effects should surely start to deminish soon.

Then my thinking goes to the idea of maybe, I'm just mentally ill and this is what it's like for me not being chemically labotomised.

This site helped me realize that a lot of my symptoms may be just withdrawal effects. It gives me hope. Reading that checklist helped me realize that.

 

I didn't fall for the sales pitch of the supplements offer by the Road Back Program. I did my research on the ingredients and found Passionflower has been proven to be very helpful managing anxiety. So I got that supplement and I feel it is helping me since I started taking it. There is some very good results on the research.

 

I will go and get some magnesium and add that to my daily routine. I've read up on it and even though eating foods rich in magnesium is the best way to get it, since I'm on Nexium for acid reflux, a supplement may help. 

 

My research on Fish Oil supplements, however doesn't show good results in the most studies done. So I'm hestent to add that one to my regime. I eat a lot of fish anyway and I hope I'm getting the benefits from that.

 

Turmeric however is a great supliment for me, I replace my pain meds (Voltaren) for my back pain (another withdrawal symptom I think) and my back is good now. 

 

Yes, I'm pretty sure I'm self medicating with alcohol. It's got worse since I ceased ADs. It's something I have to work on. Don't know where to start with that problem.

 

Thanks for for your advice on reinstating. I'll read the link and sleep on it. Maybe it's what I should do given my suicidal thoughts.

[whitelily]

Hi Trublu3, your account was very moving - I was really sorry to read that you went through so much, but so glad you are here and getting support from a psychologist too.  

 

Have you tried breathing exercises too for the anxiety?  I used them for paranoia and severe anxiety and was amazed by how something so simple could ease off symptoms - my therapist explained how they help reset the brain from fight and flight  (which can happen from c-ptsd and trauma) and the amygdala working on overdrive to the front part of the brain - from memory (which hasnt been working so well), the cerebrum - the rational thinking part of the brain.  I  had to do them several times a day in the beginning and probably really should be continuing but my attention turned to other things.

 

Best wishes, 

whitelily 

Edited October 14, 2021 by Karma
Updated name

[powerback]

Hi Trublu3 welcome ,thanks for such cander and honesty ,I'm honoured to read your story ,your so strong to be off the meds ,this gives me a much needd confidence boost to get off mine ,there literally ripping my soul and personality apart .

 

I've read a few stories now that doesn't put Australian society in a very nice light .my sister emigrated to Australia so she  obviously likes it .

its great you came here ,you will help so many with your story and determination ,good on you .

 

I'm 2.5 years sober and very proud of it ,but this year will be the toughest because I plan to get off the poison and I will be careful to watch out and call on the tools I've learned .and exercise is the main one for me ,I love getting out in nature .

 

Have you thought of AA ,I did it at the start of my journey off alcohol,but its not really for me but totally respect its premise .I mite go back someday to give back .

 

without question you will have to replace alcohol with something but that's all part of the journey .

 

be very gentle with yourself though because  I reckon there's a lot of self medication going on with alcohol ,I realise now 20 years on that at the age of 15 why I loved drink so much ,it stopped all the crippling anxiety and self consciousness I had but I never knew it over the years .drink near killed me [massive binge drinker ] and the meds made it worse .

 

Take great care and treat yourself with care [need to tell myself that lately ]

PB

 

 

Edited October 14, 2021 by Karma
Updated name

[Trublu3]

On 8/4/2017 at 4:22 PM, whitelily said:

Have you tried breathing exercises too for the anxiety?  

Thanks whitelily, 

Have read your story and we have a lot in common as far as dealing with Anxiety and Paranoia. It was comforting for me, also, to read your story. I'm also dealing with the effects of amisulpride withdrawal.

Can you point me to a resource for "breathing exercises" that you use.

I really need to take control of these attacks as it's becoming quite debilitating.

Cheers,

STU

[Trublu3]

On 8/4/2017 at 6:37 PM, powerback said:

I've read a few stories now that doesn't put Australian society in a very nice light .my sister emigrated to Australia so she  obviously likes it .

 

Have you thought of AA

 

self medication going on with alcohol

 Hi powerback,

 

Thanks for your kind words and support.

 

Yes, Australia has it's problems, but in general we're a good bunch. The outback can be quite harsh in many ways. They breed them tough out there. But because of the isolation, ignorance/racism/bigotry/homophobia are common place. It's so much different in the main cities though as they really are vibrant, international, multicultural cities full of acceptance of everyone.

 

Yes I have thought of AA. One of my dear friends took me to a meeting and everyone there agreed, I haven't hit my rock bottom yet, so it's probably why I don't decide to do something about my drinking or stop all together. I don't know yet what I'll do. I know and admit i'm an alcoholic though. You see I just don't drink during the day. It's just a night, but it's a lot. Which gives me a perpetual hangover through out the day. It's the only relief I get from my head but I know it's not the answer. I think the AD's actually masked the hangovers which enabled me to continue and develop a habit.

 

Take care and thanks for sharing your story. I really admire people who have beaten the booze.

 

STU

[whitelily]

On 8/5/2017 at 5:39 AM, Trublu3 said:

Thanks whitelily, 

Have read your story and we have a lot in common as far as dealing with Anxiety and Paranoia. It was comforting for me, also, to read your story. I'm also dealing with the effects of amisulpride withdrawal.

Can you point me to a resource for "breathing exercises" that you use.

I really need to take control of these attacks as it's becoming quite debilitating.

Cheers,

STU

Hi STU,

Here is a link to a post I wrote on breathing ....

 

I hope it helps.  There are so many different breathing exercises online, but what I wrote is what was recommended to me.  At first I found it challenging to actually sit still and relax enough to do it and thought it probably wouldn't work .....I think you can get more in touch with your feelings doing it too, perhaps just by being still.  I did them at least three times a day for approx 10 mins each time  (I set a timer - sometimes I'd just manage 6 or 7 mins but i think the idea is to get more oxygen to the brain, and you may fall asleep ).  

 

Wishing you all the best, 

Whitelily

Edited October 14, 2021 by Karma
Updated name

[powerback]

On 8/5/2017 at 5:57 AM, Trublu3 said:

 Hi powerback,

 

Thanks for your kind words and support.

 

Yes, Australia has it's problems, but in general we're a good bunch. The outback can be quite harsh in many ways. They breed them tough out there. But because of the isolation, ignorance/racism/bigotry/homophobia are common place. It's so much different in the main cities though as they really are vibrant, international, multicultural cities full of acceptance of everyone.

 

Yes I have thought of AA. One of my dear friends took me to a meeting and everyone there agreed, I haven't hit my rock bottom yet, so it's probably why I don't decide to do something about my drinking or stop all together. I don't know yet what I'll do. I know and admit i'm an alcoholic though. You see I just don't drink during the day. It's just a night, but it's a lot. Which gives me a perpetual hangover through out the day. It's the only relief I get from my head but I know it's not the answer. I think the AD's actually masked the hangovers which enabled me to continue and develop a habit.

 

Take care and thanks for sharing your story. I really admire people who have beaten the booze.

 

STU

Hi STU ,I don't think anyone should be judged for there choices and everyone's stories are different .

I just knew I had to give up, 90% problems connected to it for me .

 

AA has it critics so there not perfect either ,rock bottom is a very different for everyone I believe .

I don't think we need to loose everything and drink ourselves into oblivion to want to change but everyone's different .

 

I  was in a constant state of hedonism with drinking but it takes its toll and I've had to learn to just sit back and chill out more .

I had a serious test a few weeks ago at a party [all the good memories flooding back and no negative ,dangerous ].

 

my real test comes when I'm off the drugs because withdrawal has wiped me out for nearly 2 years .

hope your journey goes good for you .take care

PB

Edited October 14, 2021 by Karma
Updated name

[Trublu3]

Hi All,

 

Just to update my progress...

 

I seem to have developed IBS which is pretty much constant...

 

Hoping it's another Withdrawal symptom and will subside after a while like all the other symptoms have.

 

Funny thing is a treatment my GP says for IBS is anti depressants.... ahhhhhhhh! This relentless push for me to go back on them is insideous...

 

Anyone got any similar stories or help? I'm taking prebiotics and probiotics to see if that helps and still seeing my Phycologist to manage my anxiety... We've been doing lots of CBT. I'm learning skills a 49 year old should of learnt in their 20s. It makes me angry that I was chemically labotomised for 30 years instead of learning about life and gaining the skills to cope with problems.. 

 

Ive recently started a solulable form of magnesium and it's really helping with my anxiety. I have very noticeable improvement in my mood.. I highly recommend it for those of us in withdrawal. Also Turmeric supplements have all but cured my back muscle pain.

 

Oh well it's a battle, "two steps forward, one step back"

 

Cheers,

Stu

[ChessieCat]

There are several topics I found by using Google and typing in survivingantidepressants.org gut

[Trublu3]

1 hour ago, ChessieCat said:

There are several topics I found by using Google and typing in survivingantidepressants.org gut

Thanks Chessiecat, upon some googling it looks it's very normal for people to develop gut problems when coming of Psych meds. 

So Im going to have to look into a diet of some sort to fix this problem... I'm looking at the Palio diet at the moment as it seems to have good results.