AntiAntiPsychotic: Antipsychotic (and hospital) nightmare

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

New to the community. Joined after reading Schizor's (forum member) story.

 

I'll try & make this short.

 

Hospitalized twice. (For "psychosis"). Once for a month in psych ward (Oct - Nov 2016),  second time for a few weeks. (Feb 2017)

 

For the first time, forced to take Risperidone & Abilify. Approx 10mg. After complaining it was gradually decreased down to 1mg. Upon release from ward, through trial & error, stopped one drug, tried the other & vice versa. Eventually went cold turkey off both drugs. 

 

Second hospital stay was given a shot of Invega.

 

It seems you guys know the drill .... Zombie like feeling, loss of balance, stomach pain, pounding headache, face numbness, involuntary muscle movements, aches, sore eyes, insomnia etc ...

 

After constant arguments, battles & calls to local pharmacists ... Decided to go off the drugs cold turkey.

 

Again it seems you guys know the drill .... After constant nights of bad withdrawals ( a few weeks or so), kinda - sorta made it through only to still have major insomnia, lack of motivation, no energy, weird thoughts, sensitivity to lights & noise, jerky movements, aggression, a bit of sexual dysfunction & so on.

 

 

Ladies & gents ..... What now ??? I feel exactly like Schizor did. Only wanna sleep but can't really, only wanna eat but don't feel satisfied, lack of emotion & stone cold thoughts, loss of character etc .....

 

On top of all this I have legal issues & may face jail time.

 

A nightmare is almost an understatement when it comes to these drugs. It's also caused me to become completely paranoid of any doctor diagnosis, (psychosis !?? ... More like psychosis induced) psychiatrist, hospital, medical help of any sort.

 

Thanks for reading (if ya did). 

 

Edited August 1, 2017 by ChessieCat

[mammaP]

Hi Anti, welcome to SA.  Withdrawal is a nightmare and I am sorry that you are going through this. I don't need any details but is the legal issue related to withdrawal? Often people can behave in a way that is completely different in withdrawal. This is sad because the doctors always say it is because they stopped the drug and the psychosis came back. This leads people to believe that antipsychotics are keeping illness under control when it is actually withdrawal that causes the problem. The drugs have so many side effects that people who take them for life have a shorter life span.  Statistics show that people with mental illness die sooner, but they don't say that it is because of the drugs!!  Did you take any other drugs? No judgement here but we need to know if there are any other drugs that have affected you. 

 

Back to your withdrawal. This will get better but you MUST take care of yourself. NO alcohol ( it isn't forever  ) no stimulants such as caffeine and energy drinks. If you are going to have to go to court you will have to show that you are responsible and not mentally ill. If you go to jail you could end up being forcibly injected again and you need to avoid that if at all possible. Withdrawal is hell on earth but you can and will get through it.  I know you said you want to eat but don't feel satisfied but it is important to watch what you eat. If you eat junk you will never feel any better. You need to eat good fresh food whenever possible, and avoid processed junk food. I know that is not easy but it is very important.  Most people here find that fish oil and magnesium help with withdrawal symptoms but try to avoid turning to supplements. Most of them just produce very expensive pee and are a waste of money. If you do try anything, start at a very l;ow dose and increase gradually. The same with fish oil and magnesium, they are the only 2 that we recommend because so many people have been helped and there are many studies that have proved they are effective. 

 

Your nervous system is in chaos because of the drugs but with care will regain stability. I will get some links to topics that will help you to understand so that you can help yourself to recover.  

 

First would you please fill in your signature with the drugs and doses, when started and when stopped. This is a link to the settings, fill in the box and click save.

         http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/settings/signature/

 

What is withdrawal

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-withdrawal-syndrome/

 

This is a topic for tapering abilify. You are not taking it now but it explains about the drug. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1896-tips-for-tapering-off-abilify-aripiprazole/

 

Fish oil and magnesium 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/?view=findpost&p=100596&hl=magnesium

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

Thanks.

 

No the legal matter has nothing to do with the meds, although I'm trying to tie the two together for my defense in the case (mental court).

 

Whats worse is my family has been sabotaging me since (maybe even before), I'm hearing voices & nobody understands how low & weak you are pre / post withdrawal so you can't really do the "norm" or partake in much.

 

I try to pass time by watching movies (which I'm now sensitive to), playing games, I used to listen to music 24 / 7 & now certain sounds make me cringe

 

My head will feel ok one moment, as the day gradually goes I start to feel like someone is bowling in my forehead.

 

Of course the lack of motivation, empathy & most feeling is the worse. It's like you can't control how you feel towards any situation (in my case sadness & anger)

[mammaP]

Sadly people do not understand so they back off. Hearing voices and then the side effects and withdrawal from the drugs will have scared your family. It is hard to see someone you love go through this and being told it is a serious mental illness is scary when they believe you need drugs and you are refusing them. It is all based on myths but you can get through this and prove to them that you are a human being with thoughts and feelings that do not do well when treated with chemicals. The drugs do not CURE a chemical imbalance they CAUSE it. There are many reasons for hearing voices and it is quite common but in the past psychiatrists have looked at their big book the DSM ( produced by pharmacuticals) and found diagnoses with recommended drug treatments. There is a site here in the UK which supports people who hear voices, they have a forum too where people share their experiences, you may find it helpful. I have seen that they do not believe that drugs are the answer for everyone which is good. There may be a link to a similar site in Canada.  

https://www.hearing-voices.org/

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

Agreed. I went to my family doctor, complained about my experience with the drugs & what they did, and he claimed that there shouldn't be any effects anymore since the drugs are "completely out of my system by now" (4 - 5 months).

 

Which in theory may be true, but overall is a load of horse ****.

 

I called a 24 / 7 nurse hotline, asked her what she knew about Risperidone & she simply google'd the side effects just like I've been doing for months. Then I asked her if she ever dealt with patients directly on it & how they felt ... said "oh most people who take the drugs are thankful & feel much better after doing so & helps with their symptoms".

 

Another crock of ****.

 

I told them it's been proven that there is no answer to what antipsychotics does for each individual being that everyone is different ... And they just stare at me blankly. A few docs even admitted so to me. So basically they treat you as if you're guinea pigs. "Wellllll maybe this will work, maybe it won't. Hmph."

 

So f*cked up if you ask me.

[UnderPressure]

I just want you to know that most, if not all of what you're feeling and going through is far to familiar to me.

I quit risperdal cold turkey back in August of 2016.

By the eight month mark....I felt like all hope was gone and then I found this sight.

There's another user on here....I can't remember if it's risperdal hater.....but he guided me through this. He told me that he started noticing changes in motivation and that zombie feeling going away around month ten. My timeline matches his.

Month eight was the same as week eight off.

But something happened rounding that ten month mark.

The end of the month I'll be off risperdal one full year. I can honestly report that I made it through and can write my success story real soon.

Different organs take different times to heal. On average it takes the human brain about a year. The skin? About a month. Bones? About three months. 

 

What I'm saying is hang in there. These next five or so months (assuming you've been off all meds that long?) are going to be bumpy....but TRUST me, it's going to get better. It may 'feel' like it's never going to, but it will. 

 

Try to put facts before feelings. Our feelings often times mislead us to a deep dark pit of neverending junk. Stay factual, try to remain positive, and you'll come to see that things really change in a hurry.

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

Hope so.

 

I don't know if any of you are experiencing these antipsychotic bouts as your living with family ? it's a mixture of helpful & stressful.

 

They might support you a bit but generally they don't understand or side with the doctors point of view. It's one of the worst parts about the suffering.

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

And one that hasn't bothered me until recently .... Sexual dysfunction.

 

****, now THIS sucks. These pills are the devil incarnate

[mammaP]

You might find this interesting, you could show it to your family. It's spot on! 

 

 

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

Heck no ... My family sides with the doctors & medication. They don't understand the effects this stuff has. And it's like they don't want to understand.

 

Im afraid I'm going to relapse soon. I'm angry all the time (especially with hearing voices) and I feel like I'm going to flip my lid very soon. It's as if this was all a conspiracy in the first place. Before this stuff I was bright, eager minded, organized & for the most part productive. Now I'm slow, sloppy, at times mind fucked & not so clean. My stomach is acting up & my neck muscles are tight. I still have tremors periodically. I can't take this ****. I might end up back in the hospital but I know that's a bad road to take if they give me drugs again.

 

Oh ya and the other day I almost passed out in the shower. I started to lose my hearing & nearly lost all consciousness. I was woozy & dizzy. Dunno if it was from a bit of lack of eating or the withdrawal. Maybe both. 

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

Found this little gem for those needing a direct answer about withdrawal.

 

Quote

Detoxing varies in length from person to person. Since antipsychotic medications alter the central nervous system, detoxing from them can be more complex than from other drugs. There are a number of treatment programs available to help you determine the best options for your detoxification. In most patients, detox takes a few months to over a year.

 

More good stuff from http://www.withdrawal.net/learn/antipsychotic/

 

[Altostrata]

Hello, AntiAnti.

 

You were on risperidone and Abilify only a couple of months in 2016? Then one shot of Invega?

 

Did you hear voices before you were put on these drugs?

 

Has your sleep pattern changed over the last 6 months? Do you keep regular hours? It's also important to stay off the computer at night. There are many things you can do to help your sleep, see 

Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

 

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

I sorta heard voices before, but it started out of the blue. I never ever heard them before or been labeled with "psychosis".

 

yes my sleep pattern has changed. Everyday I'm stuck in insomnia. I'm taking natural melatonin pills but it's not helping. Recently I been laying down all day trying to sleep. To Pass time. Pass life etc ....

 

Im paranoid to even take a shower. Like I said I nearly passed out last time. I'm pretty much paranoid of everything & everyone. It's odd, I can still manage to think I.e writing this here; but my mind is hazy & slow, I'm too lazy to leave the house .... I don't know what to do I'm waiting for some return to normalcy but I have no idea if it's going to happen

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

I checked out that withdrawal checklist. Yeah, I pretty much check under all of them except the flu-like ones.

 

And crying? I can't even cry. Like literally. It's like my eyelids are being grabbed & tightened 24/7. Tears can't come out. And to even get to that feeling is impossible

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

I just got off the phone with a nurse ... after describing everything in as much detail as possible, she recommended me to check myself back into the ER mentioning that it sounds like my state is getting worse.

 

No answers about the drugs, she did admit to withdrawal ....

 

What should I do ? I don't want to go back on meds

[Pepita]

Hi there,

sorry to hear that your times are troubled!

You say you got hospitalzed for "psychosis". What do the quotes mean? I'm just asking because if you didn't have mental illness before the drugs were forces on you, you can be certain that every symptom will pass eventually. 

 

Wirhdrawal requests a very strong will and  being acceptant of what's happening to one self. Prison would be a... let's say "unhelpful environment" (at least I imagine it's hard to relax and find personal space) 

but as you can't decide in this case, you'll have to deal with what you get. If you're lucky recovery may come faster for you than you expect!!!

 

Wishing you all the best!

[Pepita]

- oh and about doctors: I know exactly what you mean. I don't trust anyone anymore and hate gp visits. 

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

I put quotes on psychosis to represent the speculation ..... simply put I don't believe I had psychosis. I went to the ER one day because I wasn't feeling well. Next thing you know they're asking me questions. I was really stressed out and because I didn't answer most of them (I was very quiet with my head down) they said I was in a catatonic state. Brought me to a room. Gave me a pill. Made me change my clothes & had me stay overnight ..... Overnight then became a month in the psych ward !!!!!! And I was given NO warning about the effects or power of the drug(s) given.

 

As far as the case, I just got off the phone with my lawyer, who ended up saying "I don't think anything here is going to help except medication". I said NO and she then goes "But the medication helped you" again NO it DID NOT .... I told her about all the research I've done let alone my own experience .... She says "You shouldn't read the Internet" which proceeded to frustrate and anger the hell out of me. This system seems to think everything on the internet is fake and you can't trust others testimonials !!!!!!! I hate when they play that ******* card. 

[Altostrata]

If you were hearing voices before you went on drugs, it could be that going on and off drugs and having withdrawal insomnia has made this tendency worse.

 

Lack of sleep can cause symptoms of "psychosis" even in people who've never had such symptoms before.

 

Not every case of hearing voices requires drug treatment. Please look at Hearing Voices Network 

Intervoice: The International Hearing Voices Network

The Icarus Project: Navigating The Space Between Brilliance & Madness

and Will Hall: Consulting, Counseling, and Training Alternatives 

 

Can you find a counselor to work with you, to learn to manage the voices? The people at the above links may be able to recommend practitioners.

 

Also see 

Hearing voices? Don't assume that means schizophrenia

Hearing Voices: Not Always a Sign of Mental Illness

When Hearing Voices Is a Good Thing

 

If you want to stay off drugs, you will need to manage the voices and the worry they cause you. If your behavior in public is odd or you threaten suicide, it's very possible you will be taken to the hospital involuntarily. If you feel you absolutely cannot cope and go to the hospital saying you are hearing voices, most likely you will get another shot of Invega or some other long-acting antipsychotic. If you feel you cannot cope, it might be best for you to find a doctor who will treat you with the absolute minimum of drugs.

 

It's very important to work on improving your sleep. You should take melatonin at nightfall, to encourage production of your own melatonin, which starts at sundown. Take it at the same time each night, to train your sleep cycle. If you take it at odd times, your system gets confused. See What is the sleep cycle?

 

Since melatonin is triggered by darkeness, after nightfall you will want to keep the lights dim, even turn them off. Be careful to take just enough and not too much, see Melatonin for sleep: Many people find it helpful

 

No computer use after sundown, the light gives your sleep cycle the wrong signal -- it will keep you awake. (I know this is true from personal experience.) See TV or computer use in evening can disrupt sleep: Bright light signals the brain that it's daytime

 

Make your bedroom as dark as possible with blackout shades and curtains. you may also want to wear a sleep mask to block out the light in the early morning -- that triggers your daytime activity hormone, cortisol. Also see Waking with panic or anxiety -- managing cortisol spikes

 

The above is explained in Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Also see White noise devices for sleep , this can help if you're sensitive to noise.

 

You have work to do, to take care of yourself. Please understand many people on this site have had to cope with strange symptoms and grueling sleeplessness on the road to recovery. It can be done.

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

The voices I heard before are sketchy, I don't really know what was happening. I lost a job I held for 2 years, I lost the place I was living at (with others) and had to move back home with my mom, I was smoking lots of marijuana (although I really don't want to put the blame on that beautiful, health benefitting plant), I was highly stressed and on edge about survival + money + going back to square 1 in life ............ So my "psychotic break" could of been a number of those things or more.

 

I just know that before hospital, it wasn't as bad as post-risperidal days.

 

Now I may be going to prison as I mentioned, so a) withdrawal is even more worrying and b ) being put back on the meds and having dependency towards them is a scary thought. I wouldn't even be able to obtain the pills if needed in there

 

Melatonin ..... Ya I'm taking at night as best as possible.

 

Night fall computer use .... Ehhhh I'm kinda staying up till the wee hours every night due to insomnia or the fact that I'm sleeping in the daytime which we know is precious when it happens. And I'm on my iPad 24/7 out of pure boredom LOL. I'll try to limit use but no promises.

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Well, it's up to you to get your sleep back on track. If you can sleep during the day, that part isn't totally broken, you're on the wrong schedule.

 

What do you mean by prison? Have you been through a trial?

 

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

Going through "mental health court" as we speak. It's been on going since December. Ridiculous but it seems that's the norm with the system. I plead guilty to 3 charges as advised by my lawyer. I'd rather not discuss what they are, as I said; unrelated but very stressful.

 

Anyhow .... I bought some fish oil pills yesterday. It seems to be helping a bit. Supposed to "help keep brain & heart functions healthy". 1000 mg of fish oil, mackarel and such, 12% of EPA and DHA or something like that. Dunno if that's good or bad, but it may be helping. Fyi

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

Hey all. Here's an update. Meds-free since mid February.

 

Still feel like ****. Sore eyes, difficulty falling asleep; end up waking up all of a sudden. Headaches seem to be less frequent, perhaps from the Fish Oil tablets. I'm not 100% sure but it's the only thing I've done different.

 

This weekend I went to a friends place; extremely nervous & agitated. Couldn't seem to enjoy the time or activities like I used to. Lack of emotion that makes you treat people & things with little respect unintentionally.

 

So low on energy & motivation. I used to run, walk & go places without a problem.  Speech is lazy & I tend to forget words or what exactly I'm trying to say. Definitely hard to speak to people especially when they don't know the feeling.

 

Sensitive to sounds; all types ... noises from people, things. Sometimes light sensitive but not so much.

 

Still shaking & twitching a bit, not as much as before. But I seem to have neck & back pain. Could be from being less & less active each day, not sure.

 

Foggy thoughts, aggressive thoughts, difficulty concentrating, rarely but sometimes suicidal thoughts. 

 

I don't know if this is still withdrawal phase, or overall side effects from taking the drugs in the first place. I just know this stuff changes the makeup of your brain indefinitely, which in turn changes other things.

[bhasski]

Its withdrawal as you are off medications.

Why - as there is no effect in present of meds to justify extra( side) effects in theory ( literally).

Or you can say side effects stayed permanently. 

Sorry for  the rant.

But yes i suffer this feeling with frns, family and people I deal with.

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

You can't speak to anyone & get honest answers. It's like a twilight zone. I called another pharmacy & he only seemed to list non-serious side effects like drowsiness & nausea. Would not mention pain, tremors, altered mental state, aggression, suicidal thoughts etc ...

 

I ******* hate this. It's ruined everything decent about life & ive lost trust in practically everything

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

UPDATE:

 

Its been about 7 months since I've been drug free. Some symptoms have sort of gone away, some haven't.

 

Still can't sleep properly. Still having vivid, bad dreams. Although I've had a few good ones which is how it used to be most of the time.

 

Headaches & cinder block head have decreased. Still get little brain zaps. Still have trouble focusing, concentrating. Depressive thoughts. Sensitivity to odd things.

 

The bad news is that lately my ribs have been in pain. I can almost feel them poking out. I'm conflicted on what's causing it, a few years back I got beat up by some security guards. They gave me some strong knees to the ribs. So it could be that. But I haven't felt pain there in years. I notice every time I sneeze I get those good ol' "risperidal tremors" in the right side by my ribs.

 

Anybody else have rib pain from withdrawal effects ??

[Plshelp]

Antiantipsychotic. 

I have been off the meds for 3 months. No change. I'm waiting for that hallelujah moment where I recover - but I don't know how much longer I can wait. I broke down at the pdocs office yesterday crying, saying that I can't take this much longer. 

 

You said that you've seen slight improvement? I think that's good. I am almost completely disabled from these meds. I was misdiagnosed and put on them against my will. 

 

I hope whatever happens with you as far as jail works out ok. Idk the details, but I wish you luck. 

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

7 months now. it's still messed up. improvement kind of, but still not well.

the insomnia is taking a toll on me.

sometimes I can sleep a bit like this morning, but it's never for too long.

i popped 3 melatonin pills the other day & still couldn't pass out

sometimes I have spasms & like hop up while laying down.

im not shaking as much as the beginning but still have weird muscle jerks / vibrations / w.e you want to call it in diff parts of the body.

sometimes leg, other times knee, feet, arm etc ...

headaches galore, the top & back of my head like pulsates & is a deep pain

thoughts can't calm down. can't feel emotion for anything. just anger which I'm surprised stayed. sometimes wanna die, sometimes don't.

[bhasski]

Hi AAP,

Hope your recovery process speed up.

 

Only to share you some info about Melatonin that sleep is less dependent on its quantity. Rather it acts as a trigger to onset of sleep ( or say time point management to sleep hormones like lessening of cortisol etc.)- Circadian rhythm.  More of it will make you drowsy and have other effects., but rarely will bring sleep.

IMO

Try to have it in minimum amounts.

 

Alto spoke about it earlier in a thread. Also I have read and tried it too.

 

Spare me if you know this already.

[AntiAntiPsychotic]

UPDATE

 

I bought some natural supplements. 

Tumeric Circumin --- which has helped a lot

L-Trytophan ---- I haven't took much but it's supposed to help with sleep & serotonin production

Ginger root ---- which supposed to help the digestive system

 

anyway it's been 1 full year & I have somewhat been healing but my mind is screwed.

 

Still can't get my emotions back. I've cracked a few rare smiles at some jokes recently which felt nice.

 

my thoughts are all over the place, I can't keep a strong mental picture anymore. it's always fuzzy & doesn't stay put. I keep repeating phrases in my head. everytime people talk it zaps my head, I can't explain. it's annoying and doesn't make it productive to socialize much anymore.

 

sleep has been an everlasting battle. I have to lie down for a long time, keep my eyes shut & pray that I doze off. but I end up waking up every few hrs & have still been having terrible nightmares, rarely good dreams.

 

headaches are getting better I guess from the supplements. muscle shaking a lot less than when first on / off the meds. lately I've been having problems digesting food, it's like it's not going down to my stomach. I never feel full anymore but if I don't eat I'm weak.

 

ive been working with some doctors who keep disagreeing with my withdrawal symptoms (they say the drug should be out of the system after 2 weeks) but every time I tell them there's very little evidence of what happens to the brain even after the first dose they go quiet.

 

im soon going to have some testing done like urine samples, blood, etc .... to hopefully really get down to the bottom of what's happened. who knows

 

 

[MMMM]

Hi @AntiAntiPsychotic, how are you doing these days? Any words of hope to offer?