TheWayBack Posted October 4, 2017 Author Share Posted October 4, 2017 Day 4: Anxiety became worse in the afternoon and in the evening. So WD of the dose has begun. Three cups of sleep-tea and melatonin got me to sleep. Day 5: Woke up with anxiety, more than the previous two weeks. WD is definitely here. After the pill still anxious, and restlessness creeping in. Now lets see how bad it can get . With calm acceptance floating through the day. Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
DMV64 Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 I am hoping for a calm day for you! 2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg. 2011- increase to 1 mg. 2018- increase to 1.5 mg. Taper 2023-2024. Taper complete! 2010- Trials of SSRI's, several. 2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete! 2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete! 2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg. 2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg. CT (unavailable) 4/2023 2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT. 2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin. 2018- Lamictal 300mg. Holding 2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding. 2014 Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted October 5, 2017 Author Share Posted October 5, 2017 Thank you for hoping :-) It worked. Day 5: Woke up with anxiety, anxiety rose quite a bit after the pill. But a couple of hours later, things went pretty OK. Felt better than I did in more than two weeks. WD is here, feel like crying, depressed, rumination but no agitation or restlessness during the day whatsoever. Anxiety was mild to medium during the day and non existent in the evening. Palpitations were a lot less too. Went to sleep, slept pretty good and anxiety was almost non-existent in the morning. Until I took the damned pill again. Here we go again restlessness and anxiety. So I look forward to the next week :-) Dropping in dose seems like the best decision I have made since the beginning. Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted October 6, 2017 Author Share Posted October 6, 2017 Day 6: Very light anxiety in the morning. After the pill a lot of restlessness and anxiety. Restlessness continued until 14h. Anxiety began intensifying to pretty intense and subsided a bit until the evening. Restlessness was a lot less in the afternoon. Slept OK. So far, it seems that the WD is much easier than my previous weeks on a higher dose. Still holding for a couple of days to see what happens during the second week. Feeling 20% better than the previous weeks. Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
LexAnger Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Nice dance between the two evils! keep the good work! Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted October 6, 2017 Author Share Posted October 6, 2017 Thank you Lex! How are you? After reading 'The Anti-Depressant Solution' again. I'm very sure that I have an adverse reaction to this dose of escitalopram. I now understand, through the help of examples in the book, that I have akathisia. I called it restlessness, but it is much more than that. 'Jumping out of my skin'-restlessness. Together with extreme anxiety. I should immediately lower my dose. And I tried to put up with it for sooo many weeks, thinking it will stabilize to a normal feeling. Well it did after six weeks. Continuous akathisia and anxiety. So glad I tried to go down this week. I did enhance my coping methods during this time. Give me WD instead of this feeling! Don't know yet by how much lower I'll go tomorrow. Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus baroquep Posted October 6, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 6, 2017 (edited) Hi Wayback,. Sounds like you have everything under control but wanted to remind you that it takes up to four days for a dose change to reach a steady state in the bloodstream and generally a couple more days for it to register in the brain. If you feel that you need to continue to reduce, I would suggest you wait a little longer to ensure that the decrease is not going to have an adverse effect before decreasing again so soon. When you make decreases too close together it can have a cumulative effect and you don't want to have to go back to square one or have to up dose. It's best to keep it slow, steady and stable. Edited October 6, 2017 by baroquep Current Prescription Drugs for Hypothyroidism: Synthroid 100mcg / Cytomel 5mcg (15 years Pristiq/Effexor)Tapering Schedule September 15, 2016 - switched from Pristiq 50mg to Effexor XR 75mg; November 10, 2016 - reduced to 67.5 Effexor XR December 9, 2016 - reduced 60.75 January 5, 2017 - reduced 54.67 January 30, 2017 - reduced to 49.0 February 20, 2017 - reduced to 44.0 May 20, 2017 - reduced to 40.25 (holding for additional month due to late onset of withdrawal symptoms after this taper) July 17, 2017 - reduced to 38.24 August 15, 2017 - reduced to 37.5 (50% of my original dose) October 15, 2017 - reduced to 35.6 November 12, 2017 - reduced to 33.8 December 15, 2017 - up-dose to 35.6 December 28, 2017 - up-dose to 37.5 Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted October 6, 2017 Author Share Posted October 6, 2017 Hi Baroquep Thank you for replying! I know, today was again pretty intense with the restlessness from the pills and the WD on top. Pain in the neckmuscles, an other kind of anxiety on top. I'm amazed every time how intense these feelings are! I know I should be cautious, but the WD so far is nothing compared to the effect of the escitalopram. It's evening now and I must say that most of the anxiety is gone now, together with most of the restlessness. Tomorrow is an important day with lots of responsibilities, and I'm thinking I'll prepare two capsules; one with 3.8mg and one with 4.2mg, depending on the anxiety in the morning. The morning anxiety is always a good indicator of the day. I want to be closer to 2mg at the end of the month, I have a week holiday then and I'm able to unwind then. Work is very hard in my current state, but at the same time provides some kind of distraction. And I'm not ruminating under the eyes of my loving wife. Evenings are better than the days so at least I can give my wife some quality-time with me. I have alprazolam ready for the extreme anxiety should it surface and I'm willing to use it. Staying at a dose while having an adverse reaction is very bad in the long run, so I have read. People should discontinue immediately, or with a very fast taper. And I stayed here for 6 weeks (9 if you count the first updose). What are you thoughts on this? Updosing and sticking with akathisia and very high anxiety? I just hope I can recover in a normal timeframe. Years on less than 4mg average and last year on less than 3mg. Now 5mg for 6 weeks (7 if you count this week @ 4.3mg). I hope this is not superbad I hope this won't take a year or more to recover... Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
DMV64 Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 33 minutes ago, TheWayBack said: Hi Baroquep Thank you for replying! I know, today was again pretty intense with the restlessness from the pills and the WD on top. Pain in the neckmuscles, an other kind of anxiety on top. I'm amazed every time how intense these feelings are! I know I should be cautious, but the WD so far is nothing compared to the effect of the escitalopram. It's evening now and I must say that most of the anxiety is gone now, together with most of the restlessness. Tomorrow is an important day with lots of responsibilities, and I'm thinking I'll prepare two capsules; one with 3.8mg and one with 4.2mg, depending on the anxiety in the morning. The morning anxiety is always a good indicator of the day. <-----------This is soooo true for me!!! I want to be closer to 2mg at the end of the month, I have a week holiday then and I'm able to unwind then. Work is very hard in my current state, but at the same time provides some kind of distraction. And I'm not ruminating under the eyes of my loving wife. Evenings are better than the days so at least I can give my wife some quality-time with me. I have alprazolam ready for the extreme anxiety should it surface and I'm willing to use it. Staying at a dose while having an adverse reaction is very bad in the long run, so I have read. People should discontinue immediately, or with a very fast taper. And I stayed here for 6 weeks (9 if you count the first updose). What are you thoughts on this? Updosing and sticking with akathisia and very high anxiety? I just hope I can recover in a normal timeframe. Years on less than 4mg average and last year on less than 3mg. Now 5mg for 6 weeks (7 if you count this week @ 4.3mg). I hope this is not superbad I hope this won't take a year or more to recover... 2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg. 2011- increase to 1 mg. 2018- increase to 1.5 mg. Taper 2023-2024. Taper complete! 2010- Trials of SSRI's, several. 2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete! 2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete! 2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg. 2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg. CT (unavailable) 4/2023 2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT. 2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin. 2018- Lamictal 300mg. Holding 2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding. 2014 Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus baroquep Posted October 6, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 6, 2017 In the big scheme of things, six weeks just isn't long enough for the brain to rest after a person has destabilized. You had measurement errors and then had to up dose twice and then recently did a decrease all in a very short timeframe. In my opinion, what you are experiencing is the general pattern of what it takes to stabilize and not an adverse reaction. Have you read the posts or watched the video on the windows and waves pattern of stabilization? I think sometimes in our haste to dicontinue these drugs, we will try and convince ourselves of anything just to be free of the uncomfortable symptoms but impatience will likely add many more months to your eventual taper if you aren't more careful. It's not a race and patience is your friend. You have to try and remember we are not in control here, the central nervous systems has its own agenda and that is too get well. The fewer changes you make that your central nervous system has to adapt to, the better. If I were you I would look for non-drug methods of managing your symptoms and hold where you are for at least another couple of months. Current Prescription Drugs for Hypothyroidism: Synthroid 100mcg / Cytomel 5mcg (15 years Pristiq/Effexor)Tapering Schedule September 15, 2016 - switched from Pristiq 50mg to Effexor XR 75mg; November 10, 2016 - reduced to 67.5 Effexor XR December 9, 2016 - reduced 60.75 January 5, 2017 - reduced 54.67 January 30, 2017 - reduced to 49.0 February 20, 2017 - reduced to 44.0 May 20, 2017 - reduced to 40.25 (holding for additional month due to late onset of withdrawal symptoms after this taper) July 17, 2017 - reduced to 38.24 August 15, 2017 - reduced to 37.5 (50% of my original dose) October 15, 2017 - reduced to 35.6 November 12, 2017 - reduced to 33.8 December 15, 2017 - up-dose to 35.6 December 28, 2017 - up-dose to 37.5 Link to comment
AliG Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 (edited) You seem to be on your very own journey despite our advice to slow down. I hope it goes well from hereon in although it's still very early days so it remains to be seen. 12 hours ago, TheWayBack said: I just hope I can recover in a normal timeframe. Years on less than 4mg average and last year on less than 3mg. Now 5mg for 6 weeks (7 if you count this week @ 4.3mg). I hope this is not superbad I hope this won't take a year or more to recover You can recover but your chances are much greater if you taper gently and slowly. I have some serious concern over the path you have decided to take however I wish you well for the future. Edited October 7, 2017 by AliG Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted October 6, 2017 Author Share Posted October 6, 2017 Hi everybody Thank you all for replying and the support. It has been wonderful to have been part of this peer support group. I can't thank you all enough. I'm sorry AliG for deviating from your advice. However, your attitude seems to be very much alike to those of the psychiatrists everybody talks about. If you don't listen because you don't feel right with the decision they make for you, they get irritated. At this moment I need to follow my own instincts, and that is first trying lower doses, every time I take my dose, things go VERY bad. In the morning and late in the evening its manageable. So I'm going to try this. This is not what some people like to hear, so I'm not going to post further updates. The reason I posted every day was to exchange my experience with the world out there. Maybe someday there is someone just like me out there that could benefit from it in the future. I could be wrong. But maybe not. I wish everybody all the best and I wish everybody a good recovery! Alto, baroque, MammaP, shep, Lex & DMV, lots of love. AliG even you! If I'll recover I'll let Alto know how. Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
DMV64 Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 1 hour ago, TheWayBack said: Hi everybody Thank you all for replying and the support. It has been wonderful to have been part of this peer support group. I can't thank you all enough. I'm sorry AliG for deviating from your advice. However, your attitude seems to be very much alike to those of the psychiatrists everybody talks about. If you don't listen because you don't feel right with the decision they make for you, they get irritated. At this moment I need to follow my own instincts, and that is first trying lower doses, every time I take my dose, things go VERY bad. In the morning and late in the evening its manageable. So I'm going to try this. This is not what some people like to hear, so I'm not going to post further updates. The reason I posted every day was to exchange my experience with the world out there. Maybe someday there is someone just like me out there that could benefit from it in the future. I could be wrong. But maybe not. I wish everybody all the best and I wish everybody a good recovery! Alto, baroque, MammaP, shep, Lex & DMV, lots of love. AliG even you! If I'll recover I'll let Alto know how. Please stay in touch!! 2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg. 2011- increase to 1 mg. 2018- increase to 1.5 mg. Taper 2023-2024. Taper complete! 2010- Trials of SSRI's, several. 2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete! 2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete! 2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg. 2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg. CT (unavailable) 4/2023 2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT. 2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin. 2018- Lamictal 300mg. Holding 2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding. 2014 Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted November 6, 2017 Author Share Posted November 6, 2017 Hi FSL and some others I'm just stopping by to say things are improving. Going down was not easy to say the least. It was a horror story, but my coping skills have improved tremendously. When going down I got anxiety from two sides; one from the drug and one from WD. But as I went down and I found that the side effects like akathisa and the palpitations were diminishing I knew I was on the right track. At the moment at 2.5mg all my worst side effects are mostly gone. No more intense akathisia, no more brutal palpitations, no more immense panic and anxiety. Sleep has returned to almost normal levels. Still have restlessness and anxiety after the pill, so I'm going down some more. I'm still very sensitive to anxiety, but it gets better as I go down. WD is bad, but my updose effects were brutal. Holding was the worst decision in this whole ordeal. I can only say to other people in the same boat: If updose effects are brutal, STOP and go back and deal with the withdrawal. Especially if you are taking escitalopram. Updose effects were only increasing in intensity. Withdrawal is bad if you are not prepared, but updosing can really mess you up. I'm not the only one that got into a similar situation. Various people contacted me, after reading my posts to say they experienced this too. Be very careful with updosing when you are on a low dose of escitalopram for a long time. Mods please take notice and don't advocate holding when things are not going well weeks after an updose. There is one positive thing about the horror of the past months. I got myself weaponized with coping skills. I'm going to stop posting again until I reach a stable plateau at my original dose of 1.5mg, maybe a bit lower. Listen to your body! Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 (edited) I couldn't stop myself from posting an update. Took me three weeks to do 0.5mg drop. I got a lot of cumulative WD built up from the previous weeks, so dropping is getting harder, especially depressive-wise. But my sleep has improved. The anxiety and restlessness have diminished even more. Most of the acute WD is gone. These are the moments that reassessment is in order. Felt some WD anxiety in the morning, took the pill, and felt good for an hour when the escitalopram started working. But as soon as the escitalopram dosage in my blood starts getting stronger at the 2 hour mark, the restlessness increases together with the anxiety. So obviously my dose is still too strong. The next 10 days I'm going to 1.7mg and then over two weeks down to 1.5mg. Then reassess again. And hopefully hold for a while. I'm very prepared for the delayed WD fallout that might come. Never felt stronger to cope with this ordeal than now. Looking back at the WD - with it's depression, high anxiety and sickness - it was a breeze when compared to the brutal updosing I went through, even when hardened with coping skills in the end. Almost 3 months of the most intense terror I have ever experienced. Especially when going down the first round from 5mg to 4mg was insane. My delayed WD from my first time quitting was nothing compared to what I went through now and I survived this. So I'm confident I can cope with the WD at the end. So at this moment I'm still experiencing anxiety almost every moment of the day, but the intensity has gone down a lot. I have accepted my state for the time being. I don't care if it stays with me for some time as I learned to enjoy (a little bit, it's not that I'm happy or content or something) little things again, feeling like crap or not. I'm 4 months out now and I don't expect to be well in a month, but life goes on. Hobbies have not gained my interest unfortunately. I do hope of course that when I get at my dosage before all this (1.5mg) things will settle down a bit. It would be nice to have some time to catch a breath. Christmas time is coming and it would be so nice to have some anxiety free family time! And I hope my memory will improve, my short term memory is shot beyond recognition. To make my pills I have invested in an analytical balance, accurate to +- 0.3mg, so I can measure my pills very accurate. I can go down to 0.05mg escitalopram confidently now. That's when I'll take the jump probably. My most important coping skills so far have been: Claire Weekes: Hope and help for you nerves - Read it over and over and over and over again. Bought it as an e-book so I had it always with me. I know the book by heart now. It has so much important information and examples that I could use. A must for everyone. The book is much better than the audio tapes because of the plethora of extra information. Headspace - Take 10 to Take 20: An app for your smartphone or tablet. Learn to meditate the easy way. It was very helpful to have someone guide you when you are at your worst. In the most extreme moments I used it at work a couple of times during the day. I went out for 20 minutes to do a meditiation and gained some mental rest and strength by it so I could continue to work some more. I still use it every evening now. It works better for anxiety and physical symptoms (like akathisia) than it does for WD depression. You get a lot better when arriving at the Take 20 series. Try it. Physical activity: Started running every day. Not my favourite occupation, but it helps. It refreshes you a bit after a day of continuous anxiety. Afterwards a shower and a meditiation session. Knitting! : I'm a guy and I saw my wife taking up knitting. While I sat next to her anxious, not having an occupation, ruminating to no end, I tried it. And it helped me through some very difficult times. Knitting away hours on end occupies your mind just enough to ease down on the rumination. And the rest of your mind can listen to some soothing music. My first scarf is almost finished by now :-) Doing physical work: Working in the garden, raking leaves, mowing the lawn, tending to some plants. Not as easy as knitting but it helps. Keep going to work: Never staying alone at home, going to work no matter how bad I felt. Sometimes I wished I could hide in a corner, but in the end I never gave in. Faced it head-on and went to work. Days were VERY hard, but they went by faster by doing this. Well this is it so far. Edited December 5, 2017 by AliG white space ~ less Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
miT Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 On 20-11-2017 at 9:21 AM, TheWayBack said: My first scarf is almost finished by now :-). Haha nice! :-) Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety. My paroxetine story from then on: 2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg jan 2016 30mg may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!) dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand) jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10% ... Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted December 4, 2017 Author Share Posted December 4, 2017 Hi all I arrived today at 1.67mg. My anxiety and akathisia is again lower and I get some nice moments out of each day. Anxiety comes and goes now and I'm almost at my holding point. I plan to stop tapering at 1.47mg and see for a month if things will improve now. It is now more clear than ever that the updose would have never stabilized. Each drop I do, I get more stability. I'm now more or less at my original dose and I slowly get a bit of my life back. I do have anxiety when waking (but that's normal because I keep dropping almost every day in small steps), and I do have more anxiety after taking the pill, but much more mild than before. I still keep my eye out for delayed WD, but my biggest wish was that the delayed WD would come after I got to my previous levels with no anxiety and it seems that my wish came true. I'm almost where I want to be. Maybe I don't get delayed WD while on the drug, don't know. I got my share of crippling depression, sickness and anxiety on the way down, so maybe I'm lucky. So in 10 days no more tapering and holding at 1.47mg for a while. Let's see what the future brings and if my anxiety will lift a bit. A bit would be nice, so I know if I'm doing the right thing. Oh and medication wise; I now feel Omega-3 is doing me some good, just as magnesium. It didn't do anything on the updosing. I take Omega-3 in the doses recommended on this forum and take 2x or 3x 200mg magnesium citrate a day. 2.5mg melatonin to sleep, which still works fabulous thank goodness. 40 days without Alprazolam or Xanax XR now. Still have loads on stock (got a lot just in case). But I can manage quite good without. The only time was a couple of days while going down from 5mg to 3.5mg. I got some insane anxiety levels then and I needed to be able to go to work. Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
LexAnger Posted December 5, 2017 Share Posted December 5, 2017 Hi TWB, I'm so happy to hear you are feeling much better along dose reduction getting back to your pre- updose dose! Thank you for the wonderful update and for sharing your experience and thoughts! They can help many others and potentially save tonsure essay suffering! wish you continuous recovery! lex Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted December 5, 2017 Author Share Posted December 5, 2017 (edited) Thanks Lex :-) You too! Anyway I have found a strange pattern paradoxical to what I expected at these dosage levels. Every time I stay on a dosage more than a couple of days instead of slowly (< 0.03mg/day) tapering down each day, my anxiety increases. What would any of you guys do when they felt the same? I feel better anxiety-wise (and that is my main problem) when I keep going down every day. When I hold for a couple of days, it worsens noticeably. It is like my brain and body want to keep going down, and following this schedule it would take me 3-5 months to reach zero. But at the same time I think it could be a good idea to try to stabilise. Some input would be welcome. I'm currently at 1.65mg and going to 1.47mg and hold there. If the anxiety keeps increasing when holding, I don't know if I should hold for a long time. My Psydoc said Escitalopram can cause anxiety and I should go to Paxil, Solian and/or Abilify, so that's not really a reference anymore. I'm not feeling very destabilised any more. Emotions aren't all over the place like they were when I updosed, depression isn't strong anymore, suicidal idealisation is gone, no more manic feelings, only anxiety ranging from mild to mild-strong. And some WD sickness during the day and morning. Haven't had extreme anxiety and terror for a couple of weeks now and it seems that the intensity keeps going down, the lower I go, but I'm still wary of what could come of course. Edited December 5, 2017 by AliG white space ~ less Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted December 15, 2017 Author Share Posted December 15, 2017 Currently at 1.47mg for the third day. Some light depression, continuous medium to sometimes mild-strong anxiety, and some WD sickness. Definitely WD, it doesn't become stronger after the pill. Very manageable all-round if I compare it to the previous months. I had to go all the way back to the original dose after months of updosing to lose the Lexapro induced high anxiety. Now I'm stuck with WD. But yeah, updosing is NOT an option, so I'll just ride it out. No more alprazolam in 2 months now. Stopped using fish-oil for couple of days, I noticed quite a bit agitation after taking it. Testing now without. Now only Vit D 10ug and magnesium citrate 200mg in the morning. Sometimes again 200mg magnesium in the evening. Don't know if it helps alot, but it doesn't seem to hurt either. Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 Holding for longer times at any dose caused the akathisia effects to came back together with the extreme anxiety. Always at the same delay after the pill. Now jumped at somewhere below 1mg (1mg for 2 weeks, 0,9 for a week) to 0. Day 4 now. After two days akathisia completely gone. Lets hope it stays that way. No more extreme anxiety or other effects after the Lexapro dosing. Now WD starting with its own serious unstability, horrible feelings and anxiety. I sure hope the akathisia and the extreme anxiety that came after the escitalopram dosing won't come back. So now dealing with WD and it is going to be a serious tough one. One psydoc wanted me to jump to 0 immediately in 1 week when finding out about the extreme anxiety that it kept causing along with the akathisia. I did it in steps that were bearable. The days after zero will hopefully get better in time. 7th month starting in this horror show. SSRI free for 4 days now. A bit of Xanax to take the edge off in the most difficult moments. I found when I used it sparingly I've never had any troubles, so I'm gonna use it wisely. Psydoc opinion (for what it is worth), is that it will get better in a few weeks... I'm not hoping for that. A few months would be nice. I'm going to (family insisted) to an 'expert' psydoc at the university hospital in 3-4 weeks. I'm curious what he will propose. I'm not taking any anti-depressant or anti-psychotic. But maybe he goes with something along the lines like Lamotrigine in low doses, maybe I'll try that, don't know yet. Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
AliG Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 (edited) I hope it goes well for you , WB. Edited February 1, 2018 by AliG Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted February 2, 2018 Author Share Posted February 2, 2018 Thank you AliG. I really appreciate it. It has been hell so far, but I will tough it out. Reaching zero feels liberating in a way. At least now real healing can start. How are you feeling these days? Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
miT Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 On 2-2-2018 at 9:33 AM, TheWayBack said: Thank you AliG. I really appreciate it. It has been hell so far, but I will tough it out. Reaching zero feels liberating in a way. At least now real healing can start. I think healing occurs whenever you feel the pain you used to resist. Personally I'm not racing towards zero. I think zero even is somehow scary. Then it will just be me to cope with everything. Good luck. I'm curious to hear your experiences by the end of the year. Give yourself these months to heal. Stay strong! Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety. My paroxetine story from then on: 2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg jan 2016 30mg may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!) dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand) jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10% ... Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg Link to comment
DMV64 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Hoping you are feeling well. <3 2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg. 2011- increase to 1 mg. 2018- increase to 1.5 mg. Taper 2023-2024. Taper complete! 2010- Trials of SSRI's, several. 2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete! 2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete! 2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg. 2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg. CT (unavailable) 4/2023 2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT. 2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin. 2018- Lamictal 300mg. Holding 2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding. 2014 Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 I'm in WD at the moment, a lot of emotional issues like anxiety and sickness. But the worst thing by far is the akathisia I developed by updosing. It is still here every morning until afternoon, sometimes until the evening... It only went away WHILE tapering every day. But every time I held or even stopped the medication (like now), the akathisia is still here. Day 8 today. The akathisia is very strong. Difficult to sit still and focus. Work has become hell. I got very restless too because of the WD, but once the WD stops, the medication induced akathisia always comes back. I'm hoping it will resolve soon now when I'm off escitalopram. Xanax is being tapered off at the moment. Used 0.5mg/day for a week for the jump to zero and now tapered to 0.08mg. In a couple days off. Completely med-free in a couple of days. Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 Update, almost three weeks off, the first very intense WD wave is diminishing with the terrible OCD thoughts and through the roof anxiety. Waking is better now. But... The akathisia I gained from updosing is still here in full force, it starts after a short while after waking and gets very intense after 1-2 hours, it then evolves in very high anxiety and light akathisia during the day, until late afternoon. I discovered beta-blockers for akathisia a couple days ago and it is a big relief. It doesn't take the anxiety away, but it does take the edge off of the restlessness and agitation. Just 15mg propranolol in the morning makes a big difference, much better than Xanax. So I'm off the Xanax, only a small bit of propranolol in the morning. My wife takes 150mg extended release for migraine prevention every day and I just take a couple of beads out of her pills and ground them for instant delivery. I never tried it because I was scared of putting new drugs in my body, but boy does this help a lot. There is still a lot of WD, the worst wave is over, but I have now been predominantly been occupied with battling the akathisia and related anxiety. Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 Almost four weeks off, the acute WD symptoms are slowly diminishing, but the akathisia updose effects are still here. Went to see psydoc from university couple days ago. Acknowledged akathisia immediately. He said that it was a good decision to have discontinued the medication and said that it was a good thing that I was off now. He said that while tapering EPS have the paradoxical effect to get stronger at the low end (which I have experienced first hand when on 1mg), but they still discontinue the meds and work on removing the EPS when off the med and have the best results with that. So no more psymeds for now, only beta-blockers to manage the akathisia and see from there. First back to baseline before anything will be added. I was very glad I had at least one doc behind me, if something could go very bad. He was very understanding (the first psydoc since the start of this all) and he was very surprised that my own psydoc would recommend Paxil, Abilify & Solian, which could have excerbated things even more. What was less nice, that he might say I could try Wellbutrin to manage it if it doesn't improve. A short lookup on Google showed me that Wellbutrin has been well known to cause Akathisia... GOD why do even the most knowledgeable psydocs don't know their med side-effects! Quote Bupropion acts as an norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor (NDRI). It is an atypical antidepressant, different from most commonly prescribed antidepressants such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs).[11] Bupropion is known to affect several different biological targets.[12][13] It is as a norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor (NDRI) and a nicotinic receptor antagonist.[13][14] Chemically, bupropion belongs to the class of aminoketones and is similar in structure to stimulants such as cathinone and amfepramone, and to phenethylamines in general.[12] Quote In 2004, Health Canada issued a warning about bupropion to medical doctors. Clinical trials and postmarketing reports were shown to ignite agitation-type adverse events coupled with self-harm or harm to others. The agitation-type events included akathisia, agitation, disinhibition, emotional instability, hostility, aggression, and depersonalization. In some cases, these behaviors occurred within several weeks of starting treatment. The US never got the warning, well, until now. I won't tamper with any reuptake inhibitor again! Especially norepinephrine and dopamine! So I will mention this to him and see his reaction. He also asked about family issues and I told him that my mother has had problems with akathisia with psymeds before, so has my aunt and my brother. So he said that SSRI's are out of the question for me, due to genetic abnormalities. So now mainly battling the akathisia and taking 10mg of propranolol in the morning (not that it is a godsend, but it is helping a bit). The last couple of days the bouts of akathisia have been slowly shortening in duration. The first hours of the day it is still here in full force with the uncontrollable pacing, but not anymore for 6-8 hours or more, more like 3-4 hours. And from there on, only the internal restless and anxiety/panic/terror from the akathisia. So I hope this will keep improving some more. After so many short nights I have taken Xanax again for a good nights sleep... Damn, shouldn't have done this, but at least I feel much more rested today. My main concern is now how long the akathisia will last. And if I will have a second wave of strong WD in a couple of weeks/months. My 8th month is starting in a few days. What a ride... Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
DMV64 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Glad to hear you are doing better!! : ) 2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg. 2011- increase to 1 mg. 2018- increase to 1.5 mg. Taper 2023-2024. Taper complete! 2010- Trials of SSRI's, several. 2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete! 2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete! 2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg. 2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg. CT (unavailable) 4/2023 2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT. 2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin. 2018- Lamictal 300mg. Holding 2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding. 2014 Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 Thank you DMV and MiT! I'm not out of the woods AT ALL, unfortunately. I'm still very unstable and feel lousy. But I keep fighting, no matter how hard the fight is going to be. If I had listened to my one of my previous psydocs, he would have gotten me of my 5mg dose in 16 days. That would have been disastrous. Considering the hell I've been through now by doing 1mg a month. Especially the jump from 1.5mg to 1mg and from there to zero. Insane. Just insane. No other words for it. So I have tapered over 4 months (still way too fast, but the akathisia was killing me, so no other option...) and made the jump to zero. It is better now, than just after the jump to zero, but still nowhere near 'OK'. But I'm still glad I did it so far, but I'm truly scared for what the coming months bring. But I can't go back on it due to the intense akathisia and extreme terror Lexapro gives me. They have been by far one of the worst symptoms I have ever endured (intense DR/DP and extreme and long lasting hyperarousal/hypersensitivity rate high too for me). So I do hope for a smoother ride the coming months, but I'm prepared to fight no matter what comes at me. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I'm extremely depressed, sometimes my anxiety is through the roof, and still my main concern is my loving wife that has to live with someone like me. I try to never go anything out of the way to please her, I go to work with her everyday - we work at the same school -(with some exceptional bad days in the last months), and join her in everything she wants do to. Shopping, visiting stores, going for a citytrip and making plans for our new kitchen... Everything is just sooo hard and laughing has become something so alien... I never thought choosing a top for a kitchen would be so nerve wrecking/anxiety provoking. Let alone sitting still for a conversation with a salesman about kitchens when the akathisia/terror is killing me from inside... Needed another rant... I wish all of you a speedy recovery! We will all recover! Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
DMV64 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 2 minutes ago, TheWayBack said: by far one of the worst symptoms I have ever endured (intens I can really relate to this. By far the extreme anxiety and terror and depersonalization are the hardest for me. And the way you describe some of the drops feel so familiar. It really helps to know I’m not alone because out there and the rest of the world people just don’t understand 2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg. 2011- increase to 1 mg. 2018- increase to 1.5 mg. Taper 2023-2024. Taper complete! 2010- Trials of SSRI's, several. 2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete! 2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete! 2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg. 2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg. CT (unavailable) 4/2023 2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT. 2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin. 2018- Lamictal 300mg. Holding 2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding. 2014 Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 This is really a very lonely journey. Nobody relates and nobody believes there isn't a quick fix. Quote You have an anxiety disorder, you have to listen to your doctor and take the meds. 'We all take meds', I take painkillers for headache too and don't complain about it... That's why I was very glad I found at least one very well respected doctor in the most respected university hospital in our country that believed me and that my wife was present with my consultation... No more bitching about 'not wanting help' Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted March 6, 2018 Author Share Posted March 6, 2018 Update More than five weeks out of the jump to zero so far. WD is still here, but that doesn't do as much to me as the akathisia from updosing. My WD symptoms are: eyepain, headache, muscle aches, mood swings, light derealisation, flu-like malaise... I have had two days so far without intense akathisia (but I had constant WD instead), all the other days it was still strong. A very strange correlation I keep noticing is that when I have akathisia, there are almost no other WD symptoms. When my symptoms of WD come up, akathisia disappears... So still fighting every day. Without Xanax btw, havent touched it since last post. Stopped using supplements too. After a couple of days not taking magnesium, fishoil, vit C... there wasn't the slightest difference. Only taking the 10mg propranolol in the morning to take the edge of the grueling akathisia, because in the morning it is the worst. Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted March 6, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 6, 2018 From What is Happening in Your Brain "Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are [...] to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were [...] to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and [...] to work in the building! You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while [...] is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves. The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made. And just like the Twin Towers- it's possible - but the building is a major effort -and it takes a good year or more sometimes." * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
TheWayBack Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 More than 6 weeks off, day 43. Yesterday afternoon I had my first true window, and this morning WD was a lot less then previous weeks/months. Mood is pretty decent at the moment too. I'm not thinking I'm out of the woods just yet, but this is promising! Yesterday my akathisia was A LOT LESS, and today it seems even better. Hopefully this starts clearing up finally! Still a lot of eyepain, facepain, teethpain, jawpain, headache and muscle aches, but overall better than previous days/weeks. Mood swings seemed to have lessened too over the past days. General malaise is less too. For the first time in 8 months (yesterday evening) I noticed true beauty again in simple things, and was almost normal. Almost immediately I thought about the future and things I could do instead of just surviving each moment. Hypersensitivity is also a lot less the past days. Morning anxiety and restlessness is still pretty strong and my sleep is always over around 5am, but I can live with that. So apparently the first signs of healing have appeared! Not healed by a longshot, but happy to see true improvement for a change. Origin of Panic Attack and Anxiety Disorder: Overdose of Hallucinogenic HOT-7. 2013-09 20mg escitalopram. In the 4 first months 0.5-1mg/day Alprazolam for sleep & difficult situations. Tapered the first time from 20mg to 0mg in 17 months or so. Withdrawal 6-8 weeks after last dose. Didn't taper enough to low enough doses (+-1mg). 2015-01-02 Back on 10mg after one week of delayed withdrawal. Stable in 8 days. Second time tapered 2 years from 10mg to 1.6mg. Stable for half a year in range 2.5mg-1.6mg. 2017-07-28 Measurement errors: went for 1-2 weeks on 2mg. Restlessness and anxiety. Tried back to go back to 1.7mg for 5 days. Anxiety stayed. 2017-08-03 - 2017-08-20 Switched to liquid Lexapro 20mg/ml (1 drop is 1mg). Updosed to 2mg hoping to stabilize. Horrible Panic and Anxiety. Hold for 17 days hoping to stabilize. Didn't work enough for me at the time. 2017-08-20 End of holiday approaching. No more time. Decision to up dose to 5mg escitalopram. Back to the pills. Tapering alprazolam. A lot of side effects: Akathisia, more anxiety, very troubling sleep, every thought and movement gave me panic attacks. Worst time of my life. I did learn coping skills in this period. A lot. Mastering meditation, mastering floating technique and more Claire Weekes stuff... Can handle extreme anxiety pretty decent now. 2017-09-30 Going down again because holding got worse almost every day. ADVICE TO OTHER ESCITALOPRAM PEOPLE, if updose doesn't work in two weeks, go down again!!! WD is not as brutal as adverse updose effects! After every taper (while tapering pretty manageable, after couple weeks holding, akathisia and extreme anxiety came back) 2018-01-29 Got to ZERO. A hard way down for sure. And now hoping for improvements along the way... Tapering melatonin gave me dystonic reactions however.14 months after zero: Alternating akathisia, dystonic reactions and WD. Very unstable. No meds whatsoever. 31 months after zero: dystonia got worse, still very high anxiety, and many symptoms... no healing in sight. Adverse reaction destroyed me. Link to comment
DMV64 Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 2 hours ago, TheWayBack said: signs I am so happy to read this!! 2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg. 2011- increase to 1 mg. 2018- increase to 1.5 mg. Taper 2023-2024. Taper complete! 2010- Trials of SSRI's, several. 2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete! 2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete! 2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg. 2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg. CT (unavailable) 4/2023 2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT. 2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin. 2018- Lamictal 300mg. Holding 2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding. 2014 Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium Link to comment
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