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Brain fog: blank mind, comprehension, concentration cognitive and memory problems


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@Nelly

 

Do you or anyone else experience a "resistance"/pressure in the brain when they try to think?


Whenever I try to think, like visualize something in my head, daydream, or just in general more complex thoughts like planning and thinking ahead, it's almost like there is this resistance that's fighting against me from doing so. I have this constant pressure/cotton feeling in my brain that just gets worse. 

 

It's like I want to think and I am willing to and it feels like I should be capable of it, but my mind is pushing against me and is shutting me down. 

This is really hard! I used to be able to daydream and live in my mind. Now i have very few thoughts and my brain feels ruined. 

 

The weird resistance is also there when trying to watch movies, read or listen to music. It gived distorted vision and hearing. I should be able to comprehend, but there is a resistence in my mind!

 

Someone experience the same and get better? Or knows whats happening?

June-July -21 Zyprexa 2.5-7.5 mg 

July -21 Mianserin 20 mg four days

July-Aug -21 Valium 30 mg a day, tapred, return of symptoms 

Aug-Oct -21 Oxazepam Tapred from 10 mg x 3 to zero

Dec-Jan -21/22 On and off mirtazapine 15 mg. Kindling reaction?

March 8.-19. - Zopiclone 7.5 mg to combat insomnia 

March 20 - 5 mg valium because of akathisia and panic 

April 3. - 5 mg x 2

 

 
 

 

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Hi @Sofa

 

4 minutes ago, Sofa said:

Someone experience the same and get better? Or knows whats happening?

 

What you describe does indeed sound familiar. My brain has difficulty handling complex thinking, planning, coordinating, conceptualizing, grasping or dealing with anything abstract, mathematical calculations, imagination, etc. It does sometimes feel like an almost physical barrier, much like you describe. 

I do feel like this is improving, slowly. There was a time when I would not have been able to write these words to you, and now here I am. It gets better. Something that helps me along the way is to accept that this is just how my brain is right now, it's temporary, and it will get better. I don't force it (because I can't). It is strange and sometimes scary to experience my brain differently than I am used to, but sometimes it's also kind of fun! There are moments I think to myself, "How many times have I wondered what it would be like to be someone else, to be in someone's else's mind? Well now I kind of am ... It's still my own brain, technically, but it's also kinda not really my brain as I know it. What if I took advantage of this opportunity to live as this particular person with this particular brain right now?" And it makes it feel a little more like a game to play (which helps pass the time, if nothing else). 

 

I don't know what's happening behind the scenes of these symptoms. I'm not sure anyone knows exactly what's happening. My best guess is that there are areas of brain functioning that have been affected by both the addition and removal of psychiatric drugs, and the brain is working to sort itself out. In other words, what's happening is Healing. Sometimes healing doesn't feel enjoyable, but that doesn't mean it's not happening. Healing is happening all the time!

 

I have found that dietary adjustments and proper nutrition make a big difference in how my brain feels. There's a lot of information that goes from the gut to the brain, and the food I eat can have a clear negative or positive effect on my brain symptoms. It's remarkable how quickly results appear. When I eat well I feel better in a matter of days. When I eat something that is not supportive to healing, I feel worse within minutes to hours. 

 

Another thing I have had good experiences with is very cold water immersion. Very cold showers are my "home cryotherapy" (I just wrote about this in another post). This seems to help my head/brain symptoms and soothes my nervous system.

 

A year ago I got a few Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy treatments, which felt helpful at the time. (Note: it's essential that these were Biodynamic Craniosacral and not regular Craniosacral.) The treatments were perfectly gentle and relaxing. It felt like something deep inside me that was otherwise not consciously accessible was able to release and return to its natural flow... I don't know, it's all rather mysterious. 

 

The main thing is acceptance and patience. Fixating and worrying about it will only make it worse. I know it can be challenging to ignore symptoms when they feel so unusual and everything about withdrawal thrusts us into grappling with uncertainty and instability. When everything's in question it's easy to feel desperate for answers. That mad scramble for certainty is ultimately futile, and exhausting. When I am able to let the questions be questions -- they just linger there in the background, while I'm busy doing something else -- it frees up a lot of energy for me to just live my life as best I can right now. Acceptance also frees up energy for healing (as opposed to stress, which gobbles energy and diverts it away from deeper healing). Now that's a good investment!

 

Good luck to you, Sofa. Healing wishes,

A.

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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Came across this concise, practical list. For clarity I've made a few edits to the original text (scroll down for source info). 

 

3 Ways To Get More Oxygen To The Brain

 

– The brain uses about three times as much oxygen as muscles in the body do.
– Brain cells are very sensitive to decreases in oxygen levels and don’t survive or function well very long without it.
– The brain is made up of very special cells called neurons, and each of them can do the job of any of the other neurons in the brain. That process gives us the ability to relearn most functions using different parts of the brain. So if we have an injury or a sick part of our brain, we can teach our brain to restructure and control body parts and function with other areas of the brain. That is called brain plasticity.

 

Here are three ways to get more oxygen to the brain: 

 

1. Take short walks throughout the day. 

It’s not necessary to commit to a lengthy exercise session to reap the benefits of walking. Taking short walks will also help increase the blood flow to your brain. Even a walk of three to five minutes will have a positive effect on your blood’s circulation.
Use a timer throughout your day to remind yourself to take walking breaks. If you work at a desk, schedule short walks.
Take advantage of naturally occurring opportunities to walk. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Park at a distance from your destination. Get off the bus or train before your exit, and walk the remainder of the route.

 

2. Breathe through your nose. 

Engage your diaphragm, in your abdominal area. This is also called “belly breathing.” Breathing deeply moves the air and oxygen down into the lower areas of the lungs where most of the circulation of blood is. Air entering through the nose enters the sinus cavities, oral cavities, and the upper part of the lungs. Breathing through the mouth will lessen the exposure to freshly oxygenated air. Breathing with the diaphragm results in more oxygen entering this blood.

 

3. Stand Up. 

Stand up on both feet or just one foot. A study published by the Oxford University Press journal “Brain,” reports that standing up activates cerebral circulation. The study found that standing with both feet together enhanced circulation in the anterior lobe and the right visual cortex in the brain. Standing on one foot increased circulation in the cerebellar anterior vermis and posterior lobe lateral cortex ipsilateral portions of the brain. Standing in tandem increased circulation in the visual association cortex, midbrain, aneterior and posterior vermis parts of the brain.

 

May 1, 2017 by Dr. P. Gould

https://blackdoctor.org/3-ways-to-get-more-oxygen-to-the-brain/

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 4/15/2022 at 6:03 PM, Sofa said:

@Nelly

 

Do you or anyone else experience a "resistance"/pressure in the brain when they try to think?


Whenever I try to think, like visualize something in my head, daydream, or just in general more complex thoughts like planning and thinking ahead, it's almost like there is this resistance that's fighting against me from doing so. I have this constant pressure/cotton feeling in my brain that just gets worse. 

 

It's like I want to think and I am willing to and it feels like I should be capable of it, but my mind is pushing against me and is shutting me down. 

This is really hard! I used to be able to daydream and live in my mind. Now i have very few thoughts and my brain feels ruined. 

 

The weird resistance is also there when trying to watch movies, read or listen to music. It gived distorted vision and hearing. I should be able to comprehend, but there is a resistence in my mind!

 

Someone experience the same and get better? Or knows whats happening?

Yes you describe it very well. I have started cold water swimming/dipping, in the hope that this will help. Although not doing it regular enough at the moment to notice any real benefit. I started by finishing off my shower by turning it cold to become acclimatised. 

1984 to present date various ADs.1995-present Thyroxine 100 mcg. 19 Feb 2019 stopped Venlafaxine 150mg cold turkey. 06 March 2019 restarted Ven 125mg. 04 April 2019 9 mini pills. 02 May 2019 8 mini pills. 01July 2019 7 mini pills. 18 Aug 2019 6 mini pills. 24 Sept 2019 5.50 mini pills. 11 October 2019 5 mini pills. 5th May 2020 Reinstated Ven 125 mg XR 9 pills.

9th Nov 2020 Update Started splitting dose to twice per day

02/02/2021 can’t stabilise without symptoms. 
03/02/21 9 mini pills @ 10am 

Updating .......

 

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Hi @Nelly

I find cold water "cryotherapy" helpful (wrote about it in a previous post, see above). 

 

33 minutes ago, Nelly said:

I started by finishing off my shower by turning it cold to become acclimatised. 

 

Same here. 

What a simple, affordable, accessible intervention!

 

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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@Ariel @Nelly

 

Did any of you lose your internal monologue? Mine is gone and its really scary!

June-July -21 Zyprexa 2.5-7.5 mg 

July -21 Mianserin 20 mg four days

July-Aug -21 Valium 30 mg a day, tapred, return of symptoms 

Aug-Oct -21 Oxazepam Tapred from 10 mg x 3 to zero

Dec-Jan -21/22 On and off mirtazapine 15 mg. Kindling reaction?

March 8.-19. - Zopiclone 7.5 mg to combat insomnia 

March 20 - 5 mg valium because of akathisia and panic 

April 3. - 5 mg x 2

 

 
 

 

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@Sofa

What do you mean by "internal monologue" exactly?

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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5 minutes ago, Ariel said:

@Sofa

What do you mean by "internal monologue" exactly?


@Ariel That you can hear your own voice in your head. You can hear yourself thinking without speaking out loud.

June-July -21 Zyprexa 2.5-7.5 mg 

July -21 Mianserin 20 mg four days

July-Aug -21 Valium 30 mg a day, tapred, return of symptoms 

Aug-Oct -21 Oxazepam Tapred from 10 mg x 3 to zero

Dec-Jan -21/22 On and off mirtazapine 15 mg. Kindling reaction?

March 8.-19. - Zopiclone 7.5 mg to combat insomnia 

March 20 - 5 mg valium because of akathisia and panic 

April 3. - 5 mg x 2

 

 
 

 

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@Sofa

Thank you for clarifying. 

 

I'm not sure I'm the right person to answer your question as I find the experience of silence in my mind to be pleasurable. I'm not a particularly big fan of my internal monologue, but maybe other people have better tapes! I can't think of a single instance in my life when my thoughts went quiet where it wasn't welcome. 

 

I'm sorry you feel distressed about what you're experiencing. Which non-drug coping techniques do you use? What are your favorites?

 

 

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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  • 2 months later...

Hi guys -has anybody else had trouble reading since withdrawal? Ever since I started this whole tapering process 9 months ago I've found reading books almost impossible. It's like my brain just cant function or process the words without me feeling nauseous or getting a headache. I'm okay with short messages on my phone and things like that, but I literally cant read a whole page of a book without feeling sick or getting brain zaps. It's so frustrating, and I feel that these cognitive problems are the main barrier to me being able to enjoy my life at the moment, or being able to work or just function normally. It feels like its physically hard work for my head to read a book with line after line of text, and also hard work on my eyes which get an achey feeling after a while. I'm not sure whether I'm explaining it very well, but I'm hoping someone else on SA will be able to tell me if this is a common withdrawal symptom? I also get light sensitivity on some days. 

2012 - Fluoxetine 10mg. 10mg --> 20mg soon after 

2017 - direct switch from Fluoxetine 20mg --> Citalopram 20mg. 20mg -->30mg soon after.

2017 - addition of Pregabalin 50mg daily, stopped a year later in 2018. 

December 2021 - citalopram 30mg --> 40mg, 4 week updose taper. 

18th Feb 2022 - citalopram 40mg --> 30mg (due to side effects) 

30th March 2022 - citalopram 30mg-->25mg (rec by doctor, in order to ultimately reduce citalopram and switch medications). 

24th April - 30mg-->20mg. Side effects. 30th May - 20mg-->15mg. Side effects. 9th June - 15mg->10mg. 11th June - 10mg->15mg.

15th June - Addition of 7.5mg Mirtazapine. 20th June - stopped mirtazapine (bad side effects). 

11th June to 5th August - citalopram 15mg hold. 6th August - 15mg --> 16.5mg (to try and alleviate acute WDsymptoms)

Currently - on 16.5 mg citalopram. 

Supplements - 250mg Vitamin C daily 

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@Erin9

On 7/16/2022 at 1:03 AM, Erin9 said:

has anybody else had trouble reading since withdrawal? Ever since I started this whole tapering process 9 months ago I've found reading books almost impossible. It's like my brain just cant function or process the words without me feeling nauseous or getting a headache. I'm okay with short messages on my phone and things like that, but I literally cant read a whole page of a book without feeling sick or getting brain zaps.

Yes, this is common in WD. I have it and many others have it or have had it. 

Reading is a complex function, so issues with reading are not necessarily ever related to only one thing. 

Too tired to elaborate on the breakdown now, but suffice it to say: It gets better. 

As we heal reading becomes easier, information processing becomes easier. 

As with everything else we might practice and exercise these abilities by starting small, taking lots of breaks, gradually slowly building up and developing capacity. 

And of course practicing acceptance and patience along the way ... 

Light sensitivity is also a very common WD symptom. 

Hang in there, Erin. It gets better <3

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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  • 1 month later...

Memory and Intelligence issues

 

Has anyone recovered from cognitive difficulties that arose before tapering? My problems (blank mind, memory issues etc) existed before quitting ADs, but did not exist before beginning them.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added topic title before merging with existing topic

2012-2018 25mg Zoloft (Sertraline) (on and off)

2018-2021 50-100 Zolotrin (Sertraline) (on and off)

2019-2022 Abilify 5-10mg, Brintellix 10mg

2021-2022 10mg Abilify, 10 Brintellix, 300 zolotrin Zolotrin (Sertraline) stable.

April 2022 CT everything

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This is a really interesting thread of responses around cognition and memory.

 

It is this part of the withdrawal/AD/TE that has been most troubling me. I'm a musician, writer, stage director, actor and use a lot of complicated technology for creating images, marketing, tech for shows, sound and have been used to being multi-versatile and adept at using lots of technical platforms. 

 

I've been terrified since March this year that I've lost my mind and all its previous capabilities. I couldn't read, watch anything, use my phone or computer, even listening to music or radio was impossible to begin with. 

 

Trying to manage the many systems and technical tools I was always so good at using and working out is still pretty difficult. But I'm beginning to see that my multi-tasking abilities are what are really challenged. I was a very keen and adventurous cook. I can buy food but when faced with having to prepare a meal I often feel like I've never done this before in my life and it all goes blank. I can explain to others what to do but its like my brain is stuck in one shape and can't always mould around other shapes, or multiple shapes like it used to right now. 

 

I've seen changes over the last 6 months. I can read again and can tolerate some TV but it has to be very good. Its as if my brain has become much fussier as to what it can be bothered with. Playing the piano however is getting better and better, as is writing poetry, song lyrics and music. I feel here that previously while on the meds my creativity was blunted and my inner dialogue with myself would often prevent me from truly giving myself over to the moment, so when it came to performance I often felt distant from what I was actually doing and tied up in a very self-conscious and critical mind. I'm pleased to see this is getting easier to step away from. 

 

I still can't work which is causing all sorts of financial difficulties and putting pressure on my partner to keep us both which then leads to immense guilt on my part. This is the other biggee that I find most difficult. I was an extremely busy and community involved figure in the arts where I live and ran numerous groups, coaching sessions, putting on events and I just feel so devoid of purpose now that I can't do any of these things at the moment. Going to try being at the things I used to do and take no actual responsibility for the doing of them. Just offer what I can when I can. But the wiping out of all my activity has been such an immense loss and terrifying. Learning to be very patient and gentle with my brain. You have to. 

 

 

1998 Citalopram for depression and anxiety can't remember dose - 

1999 Paroxetine (seroxat) for continuing depression and anxiety can't remember dose

2001 spring Ct'd off Paroxetine as was feeling remarkably better by GP - this escalated into a 2 month mania, concluded with a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder

2001 Summer put on Lithium 800mg and Venlafaxine 150mg a day

2001-2010 - went through cycles of increasingly severe depression/anxiety/short hypermanic phases, PRN Diazepam added and PRN Zopiclone, tried Lamotrigine, Sodium Valproate, Seroquel and Carbamazepine as alternatives to Lithium, all had worse side effects than Lithium, diagnosed with Endometriosis, PMDD - 

2011-2020 - many attempts to stop meds, some large increases to Venlafaxine as mood became more unstable and physical health declined

2019 Chemical Menopause, then hysterectomy - have been taking some sort of hormone treatment since I was 17, also antiemetics

2020 began to reduce Lithium myself

2021 began to reduce Venlafaxine myself and stopped using Diazepam and Zopiclone

2021 Sept 1st - stopped Venlafaxine - experienced 3 month feeling great

2022 January - began to experience severe burning sensations in spine, then rapid decline into withdrawal/PAWS/Toxic Encephalopathy 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Mentor

I can relate to some of  the memory issues mentioned here.

It often feels like my only reality is in the moment.  In the evening I can't alway remember details of the morning.

Let alone a fluid memory of the day before.  Bits and pieces but spoty.  I have very little fluid memories of raising our children.  I sure hope this will all come back as my brain heals...

I often find it hard to have a fluid thought....It's like the thought starts and then drops into a dark hole....

It sometimes feels like my amygdala (fear center in the brain) is in high alert and my rational part of my brain is shut down or even off....

I think this will help explain some of why are brains are confused.  I will go back to this time and time again to reassure  me that this is my brain out of whack, that it can heal and get things right again. 

http://What is happening in your brain

 

Somehow we have to trust that our brains can heal..

 

 

  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Xanax 0.625 3x a day   Trazodone 25mg  Holding these

Lexapro   Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg   3/21 3.4mg>  5/2 3mg > 6/1  decreasing by 0.02ml  daily  to 2.7mg>  7/1 decreasing 0.02ml daily to  2.5 mg>  8/1 decreasing 0.02ml daily to 2.26mg

Lamictal  7/17/2022  25mg  9/9/2022 20mg

Supplements  Magnesium 300mg-400mg

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On 9/3/2022 at 11:41 AM, Darklight said:

This is a really interesting thread of responses around cognition and memory.

 

It is this part of the withdrawal/AD/TE that has been most troubling me. I'm a musician, writer, stage director, actor and use a lot of complicated technology for creating images, marketing, tech for shows, sound and have been used to being multi-versatile and adept at using lots of technical platforms. 

 

I've been terrified since March this year that I've lost my mind and all its previous capabilities. I couldn't read, watch anything, use my phone or computer, even listening to music or radio was impossible to begin with. 

 

Trying to manage the many systems and technical tools I was always so good at using and working out is still pretty difficult. But I'm beginning to see that my multi-tasking abilities are what are really challenged. I was a very keen and adventurous cook. I can buy food but when faced with having to prepare a meal I often feel like I've never done this before in my life and it all goes blank. I can explain to others what to do but its like my brain is stuck in one shape and can't always mould around other shapes, or multiple shapes like it used to right now. 

 

I've seen changes over the last 6 months. I can read again and can tolerate some TV but it has to be very good. Its as if my brain has become much fussier as to what it can be bothered with. Playing the piano however is getting better and better, as is writing poetry, song lyrics and music. I feel here that previously while on the meds my creativity was blunted and my inner dialogue with myself would often prevent me from truly giving myself over to the moment, so when it came to performance I often felt distant from what I was actually doing and tied up in a very self-conscious and critical mind. I'm pleased to see this is getting easier to step away from. 

 

I still can't work which is causing all sorts of financial difficulties and putting pressure on my partner to keep us both which then leads to immense guilt on my part. This is the other biggee that I find most difficult. I was an extremely busy and community involved figure in the arts where I live and ran numerous groups, coaching sessions, putting on events and I just feel so devoid of purpose now that I can't do any of these things at the moment. Going to try being at the things I used to do and take no actual responsibility for the doing of them. Just offer what I can when I can. But the wiping out of all my activity has been such an immense loss and terrifying. Learning to be very patient and gentle with my brain. You have to. 

 

 

I feel your pain and really relate. Meds blunted my creativity so much, I couldn't write for years...I'm a writer and singer/songwriter. I decided trying to engage with the music business was too stressful for me years ago, but even so, losing my muse and feeling disconnected from music was devastating. Benzos were the absolute worst for that. I know that because a few months after I tapered off Klonipin in 2020, I dreamt about a song idea and felt inspired. It brought me to tears. Since then, it's not been a constant thing (Celexa still causes brain fog and blunts creativity for me, and w/d from that and methadone make it worse) but I've had several song ideas, wrote and recorded a complete song that I love and am super proud of, and rewrote an old song and started playing with different musical styles...once we've healed, the abilities will come back. maybe slowly, but they come back.

 

At the same time, I decided not to go back to a conventional job but rather to start freelance writing from home, and with varying degrees of brain fog, some days it is just not possible. I keep wondering what else I could do to bring in income and I haven't found anything yet that feels like a fit. I'm glad your partner is able to support you! Even if it is not an ideal situation. The gentleness and patience is so hard but so necessary... ❤️

 

1990s Zoloft, Prozac, and a litany of other drugs including mood stabilizers

1998 Effexor 140mg and Remeron 40mg (I think) - quit cold turkey 2006 and NO W/D! Oh, to be young again... 

2004 Lorazepam 0.5mg; switched to Klonipin 2010

2010 Klonipin 1-2mg/day - decreased gradually down to 0.35mg 2016-2017 & held, then tapered off April-July 2020

2012 Lexapro and Seraquil/Remeron - quit CT 2012 after 1 month of use

2013 Methadone 80mg (for heroin addiction;) decreased to 30mg 2016-2021

2014 Effexor 75mg - tapered off over 1.5 weeks by doc 2017

2017 Citalopram 20mg - started tapering Dec. 2019-March 2020; got down to 14.35 mg then paused to taper off Klonipin

2021 - Citalopram down to 12.8mg in April; July 11.52mg, August 10mg, Oct 9mg, Nov 8.1mg, Dec 7.8mg

2022 - Citalopram 7.4mg

Supplements: L-Tryptophan, 5-HTP, L-Tyrosine, vitamin D, magnesium, ashwagandha, phenibut, lion's mane mushroom, occasional CBD/GABA/kratom, assorted flower essences

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 5/2/2022 at 3:38 AM, Sofa said:

@Ariel @Nelly

 

Did any of you lose your internal monologue? Mine is gone and its really scary!

Yes entirely! It’s good to know I’m not alone on this but my heart also goes out to you knowing how hard this was for myself, I can only imagine it is similarly difficult for you. 
 

The good news that I can tell you is that it will return with time. Mine started to return in fragments nearly a year since I came off SSRI’s. It was night and day and it’s definitely something that takes getting used to but god am I grateful it is back. I feel that many of us don’t realize we’ve lost it until long after it’s gone. Looking back I realize that my ability to self-reflect was extremely impaired due to this. With not much of an internal monologue to consult, the ability to push past the mental barriers that many of you speak of on this post (that I also still feel) is much more difficult.

 

Godspeed Sofa, I hope this gets better for you and that you are able to get your internal monologue back soon!

April 2019-August 2019: Escitalopram (Lexapro) 5mg daily

August 2019-January 2020: Escitalopram increased to 10mg daily

January 2020-January 2021: Switched from Escitalopram to Venlafaxine XR 75mg daily (Effexor XR). Two-week taper period between both recommended by doctor.

January 2021-March 2021: Venlafaxine XR increased to 112.5 mg daily

March 2021-September 2021: Switched back to Escitalopram 10mg daily and quit venlafaxine over two-week taper period as my doctor recommended, as I started becoming lightly aware to my numbness on Venlafaxine and requested to switch back

September 2021-February 2022: No medication: Tapered off Lexapro with a two week taper period once again recommended by my doctor. Wanted to be off medication as I was starting to notice its effect on my personality. Was never made aware that two weeks is horribly short for this process until just recently learning about it here. Protracted withdrawal ensued but only realized what this was recently. At the time I thought I was just very numb/depressed and my self-awareness was pretty low.

February 2022-March 2022: Buspirone 10mg daily. Doctor recommended this as I was feeling increasingly anxious and depressed. Didn't really do anything.

March 2022-current day: Buspirone increased to 2 10mg pills daily, Buproprione XL (Wellbutrin) 150 mg added for depression. 10 mg Propranolol added but only to be used as necessary for physical symptoms of anxiety but I have stopped taking it lately.

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