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MaggieSmalls

MaggieSmalls: 6 Month off Paxil with huge WD

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MaggieSmalls

Hey,
I want to intodruce myself on this site because I´m suffering a lot from the Paxil withdrawal even though I have not taken Paxil for a very long time.
I was prescribed to Paxil in January 2016 because of a Burn Out / Depression. While Cipralex has not taken the huge panic from me when my Depression/Burn Out started my Doctor said we should try Paxil. My mood was very quickly a lot better with the help of Cipralex but the panic was huge. I´ve never experienced a depression in my life so it was very frigthening to feel such a huge impact in such a negative way.


Anyways after about 1 Month on Cipralex my doctor decided to switch on Paxil because "he made good experiences" with this drug. I asked him on which dose I should take it whereon he answered that 40mg should be fine. At this time I had no experiences with Antidepressents so I completly trusted his words and I took my first pill. I remember the first day on Paxil I woke up in the middle of the night and my whole body was tingling and I´ve sweated a lot. There were a few more symptoms but I can´t really remember this time. So after 5 month on 40mg I decided to quit Paxil. (See from my signature)


As the symptoms from my depression slowly dissapeared I felt more and more that new symptoms are getting stronger. At this time I thought that I still suffer from my depression and that it will never ever end although I was doing sports at least 3 times a week and going to the psychologist once a week to talk about my problems which really helped me in a way. It´s hard to put my thoughts and epxeriences since 2015 in proper english so I hope you guys can understand me.


So in October 2016 I found a german forum for problems with antidepressent and they were very helpful with me and my symptoms. This was the first time someone told me how dangerous Paxil can be and how tremendous the effects to some people on paxil are. They also tried to convince me to taper the drug really slowly off but I thought the earlier my body is clear from this drug the earlier I get my old life back. The impact when I stopped taking Paxil 6 month ago were massive. While tapering it off it was really hard sometimes as well but the time I reached 0mg felt like the hell on earth. I wake up every morning with the feeling I just came out of a night club where I drank a bottle of vodka and snorted 1 g of cocaine. These are the symptoms I suffered the whole time on paxil. Some became stronger the lower I got, some started to fade away and some dissapeared. I copied some from a success story because it is exactly the same hope its okay:


Dark depression, anxiety, paranoia, obsessive compulsive, panic attacks, intrusive/obsessive thoughts that tortured me, hopelessness, irrational thinking, suicidal thoughts, brain zaps, intense organic fear, severe inner-body tension that felt like my whole insides were clamped up, sexual dysfunction, severe tension, terrible shoulder and upper arm pain, mania, nausea, dizziness, vertigo, feeling like my brain was on fire, feeling like a part of my brain was missing, lots of preassure in my head,  floating head feeling, body temperature regulation problems – being super-hot or cold, constipation, dehydration, lack of appetite, feeling dead, anhedonia, akathisia, mood swings, insomnia, terrible brain fog and inability to think clearly, sensitive vision and hearing, inching and burning skin, cold like symptoms, head congestion, phantom smells, constant tinnitus, severe fatigue and exhaustion, health anxiety, my brain was not able to give the "command" watch left before you cross the street even though I know how to do it ?!, derealization, feeling of never getting healthy again, feeling quite healthy for a few days and then feeling like dying again, intense nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night sweaty with delusions and disorientation, sometimes things seemed to moved very slowly or a street looked like it never ends or I was walking treadmill.


As I said some dissapeared but some like the derealization or the dizziness, mood swings, ear buzzing, brain fog and so on are still there. But I´ve the windows and waves which is a good sign, right?


I´m writing you because I can´t find something similar in the german forum. Next to the symptoms above I´m suffering a lot from Injuries. Almost every month I have a new injury and today I´m not able to do any sports because of the inflammation of my muscles and tendons. Sport was the only thing besides meditation which helped me to cope with the symptoms. A few days ago I was at my doctor again and we did a full blood analysis. He called me one day later and told me that my blood is totally fine but my CK-Level is very high (1200) normal is ca 200. I called a neurologist which checked me at the same day with a few standard tests. They were all good as well. Last year I checked my thyroid & my brain with MRT everything completely normal.


Do you have experiences with injuries during wd?

Is it normal to suffer a lot from Paxil even though I´ve taken it only for 1 year?
I read that Paxil can cause damage on the immune system? Is this the reason for my injuries?
If my immune system is damaged, is it for ever or can it heal like the brain?

 

Best regards,
Maggie

 

 

 

Edited by baroquep
Spacing for readability, added tags

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Altostrata

Welcome, Maggie.

 

Your writing in English is very good, I understood it all, thank you for making the effort.

 

You developed severe Paxil withdrawal syndrome when you went off Paxil (last February, correct?). Now you have what we call prolonged withdrawal syndrome. Very few doctors will say this is even possible, but we see it a lot.

 

The waves and windows are, as you say, normal for withdrawal syndrome. Your nervous system is struggling to fix itself.

 

Are there any times of day when the symptoms are better or worse? What is your sleep pattern?

 

See 

 

It could be that you are injuring yourself playing sports because your balance and reflexes are not quite right, or your muscles might be tight from withdrawal syndrome. You will need to go easy on the physical activity to let your body heal. 

 

Magnesium can help relax the muscles, also calm the nervous system. See Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

Fish oil can also help the nervous system heal King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

It sounds like although you have waves and windows, you're getting out and are active. Are you able to work?

 

 

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MaggieSmalls

Hello Altostrata,

thx for the fast reply! Glad you like my english :)

 

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

You developed severe Paxil withdrawal syndrome when you went off Paxil (last February, correct?). Now you have what we call prolonged withdrawal syndrome. Very few doctors will say this is even possible, but we see it a lot

 

Yes I took my last pill on 06.02.2017. The doctors I met always say the same:" It´s not possible you should talk with your psychologist with your problems". But I just ignore those words because nowadays I know it better. But the prolonged withdrawal symdrome can heal right? I´m very afraid of that I destroyed my intire brain with this poison called Paxil.

 

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Are there any times of day when the symptoms are better or worse? What is your sleep pattern?

 

Usually the morning is the worst part of the day I read that this could caused by the cortisol levels in the morning, right? My sleep is quite good...there are some days I can´t fall asleep because of muscle pain or repeating thoughts but all in all my sleep is one of the few things that works quite well.

 

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

It could be that you are injuring yourself playing sports because your balance and reflexes are not quite right, or your muscles might be tight from withdrawal syndrome. You will need to go easy on the physical activity to let your body heal. 

 

Magnesium can help relax the muscles, also calm the nervous system. See Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

That sounds logical I´ll definetly try Magnesium but I´ll wait for tomorrow we´ll check my blood again to see if the CK Level hopefully decreases. I do take fishoil since I took my last pill I guess it improves something.

 

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

It sounds like although you have waves and windows, you're getting out and are active. Are you able to work?

Yes before my injuries were starting I worked out at least 2-3 times a week in the gym or I went jogging for about 40 min. It really helps we to cope with the symptoms and it always improves my mood when I finished! But I can´t do anything today that makes me go nuts!

I´m a freelancer so I can decide by myself how long I work...I know I´m very lucky with this I would not be able to do a basic 9 to 5 Job in an office in this condition. If my customers get a bit annoying or the work is more than "I can handle" I immediatly start to feel stressed like I worked for 3 days without a break. So my stress tolerance is very very low.

 

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MaggieSmalls

Edit:

Are there any kind of processes on which one can see how long withdrawal will last? Something like "1 year on paxil = 1 year wd" . Im now 6 month off and feeling still so sick and so far away from being healhty it feels like it will never happen sometimes I feel like I´m dying and I have to accept it. I´m so afraid that there will be the day I´ll collapse by withdrawal and no one can understand you because you look kinda healhty but you just feel like a zombie.

 

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PoetJester

Hi Maggie

 

I was reading your introduction and I experienced the same thing in withdrawal where sometimes I go for walks and feel like I am on a treadmill.  sometimes i go for walks outside and it's like I am walking, but still not going anywhere and it seems to take forever to get to the end of the street.  I hadn't heard anyone else talk about this sensation before, but I did experience it quite often earlier on in wd.  sometimes I got the same feeling when on my bicycle.  I have had most of the other symptoms you describe, as well.  especially the nightmares and the fatigue and waking up feeling like I had been partying all night heavily.  Some mornings it feels like I must have run headfirst into a wall to put myself asleep the night before.  I think it's mostly due to poor sleep quality.  Sometimes I even wonder if I have been breathing in my sleep at night, because I feel so horrible when I awake.

 

poetjester

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ChessieCat

"Are there any kind of processes on which one can see how long withdrawal will last?"

 

No there isn't, and each person's situation is different.  We are each an experiment where N=1

 

 

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MaggieSmalls

Hey Poet,

I read your signature as well you went through very hard times my fullest respect for fighting against it! Sometimes I read storys like yours and I just feel miserable because I´m complaining about my current situation although I´m suffering from Depression with Paxil WD just for 2 years now. But for me it´s so hard because I was fighting against "Life" or my destroyed family & the loss of my closest relatives e.g. the suicide of my father when I was 18. Its hard to a very long story in a few sentences and you guys  are not my psychologist and have your own problems but  I try so hard to find peace with my situation.

 

I was always a very happy and determined person nothing could ever brake me but this withrawal seems to be my hardest enemy so far.

I want just to accept it and believe that I have no permanent brain damages only because one doctor decided that I should take 40mg Paxil for 1 year.

 

Today, 6 month off it feels like this decission destroyed my whole life. There are days, even weeks where symptoms are not that present where I can cope with them but than a waves crashes again and I lose all the self confidence with respect to withdrawal. So many people from other forums told me that everyone recovers by time and so will I. But in those waves like now I just want to see everything negative and hopeless which makes me very very sad. While I´m writing this I just checked the signature of ChessieCat where it says "Stress slowes the healing". This is excactly what I´m doing right know I´m stressing again myself because I think I´ll be the one who never recovers. 

Btw:

23 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

We are each an experiment where N=1

What does this mean? N =1 ?

Edited by baroquep
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ChessieCat

What does this mean? N =1 ?

 

Number = 1.  When an experiment is being done by scientists they use N=20 (for example) as the abbreviation to say how many of something is included in the experiment.

 

For us because no 2 situations are identical and we aren't comparing like with like we say that N=1

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Hellbutrin

I am also struggling with anhedonia. I tapered very quickly off of Wellbutrin 75 mg over one month. Is it possible that I messed up my neural connections so much that I will experience permanent apathy and anhedonia? Any advice is appreciated!

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Alice1
17 hours ago, MaggieSmalls said:

This is excactly what I´m doing right know I´m stressing again myself because I think I´ll be the one who never recovers. 

Hey Maggie . This is a major symptom in itself .EVERYONE thinks they are the one who wont recover ..

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baroquep

Hi Maggie, sorry to hear that you are still experiencing withdrawal symptoms after coming off of Paxil.  Believe me, I know how you feel.  I remember when I was in what seemed like a horrible wave and all I wanted to do was understand what was happening to me and when I was going to get better.  Honestly remember thinking that it would never end and I would be like this forever.

 

I remember scouring the internet searching desperately for an answer and couldn't really find anything that I could comprehend until I read a post on this site by Rhiannon and everything finally made sense to me after that.  Seeing her explanation of what was happening and how the brain works to find stabilization gave me the patience and hope that things would change for me and they did ... eventually.  It does take time, sometimes more time that we are prepared for but I believe that each and everyone one of us eventually gets there.  

 

You can read Rhiannon's explanation in the link below, am hoping that it gives you the same courage and strength that it gave me.  

 

 

Edited by baroquep

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MaggieSmalls
19 hours ago, Alice1 said:

Hey Maggie . This is a major symptom in itself .EVERYONE thinks they are the one who wont recover ..

Its a feeling i cant really describe like youve lost your mind its so awful!

 

17 hours ago, baroquep said:

Hi Maggie, sorry to hear that you are still experiencing withdrawal symptoms after coming off of Paxil.  Believe me, I know how you feel.  I remember when I was in what seemed like a horrible wave and all I wanted to do was understand what was happening to me and when I was going to get better.  Honestly remember thinking that it would never end and I would be like this forever.

 

I remember scouring the internet searching desperately for an answer and couldn't really find anything that I could comprehend until I read a post on this site by Rhiannon and everything finally made sense to me after that.  Seeing her explanation of what was happening and how the brain works to find stabilization gave me the patience and hope that things would change for me and they did ... eventually.  It does take time, sometimes more time that we are prepared for but I believe that each and everyone one of us eventually gets there.  

 

You can read Rhiannon's explanation in the link below, am hoping that it gives you the same courage and strength that it gave me.  

 

 

Thx for the link it was very interesting and makes utterly sense.

 

How are you feeling today? Have you recovered yet and if so how did it feel to get your life back? I Imagine it Must feel like s second birth and such a relief...

 

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baroquep

Hi Maggie, yes, when I first started withdrawing, I honestly thought I was losing my mind as well.  trust me, you aren't, it's just your mind playing tricks on you and from what I've read it's a thought that crosses many people's minds when they first start tapering.  I'm feeling better today, thanks for asking.  Hope you are feeling a little better today, hang in there, it really does get better as time goes on and I am confident that you will make a full recovery.

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MaggieSmalls

Hi baroquep,

i did not see that your still tapering yet hope you´ll doing better than me.

We checked my blood  again and my ck-level is now, one week later on 140 which is totaly normal. A week before it was on 1200 which is crazy but it´s good to know that at least my blood seems to be fine. Unfortunately my injuries especially the shoulder will not recover I was hoping that my doctor could figure out the reason for that but apperently it is one more side effect of the withdrawal. I´ve never had this amount of injuries and it is so annoying because sports is so helpful for wd.

But I´m feeling better today thanks for asking but no day is like the day before some days the body feels heavy but the mind feels great the other day I feel very depressed but my body has no symptoms at all. Sometimes I be like it can´t be wd anymore...this is the real me but I´m just sick this feels awful but there are so many symptoms I´ve never felt before much more than I know before I took Paxil so I try to ignore such thoughts.

 

 

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nz11
On 8/16/2017 at 4:58 PM, Altostrata said:

It could be that you are injuring yourself playing sports because your balance and reflexes are not quite right, or your muscles might be tight from withdrawal syndrome. You will need to go easy on the physical activity to let your body heal. 

This.

 

Hi Maggie please be careful with exercise in wdl it may trigger wdl symptoms but also injuries.

This was my experience and i had to just do gentle stuff like walks even that set off wdl for me at times. You cant stress the cns like you normally would. I had to wait 6years before i could play sport again.

 

May i ask that if you havent as yet done the wdl survey that you consider doing it for this is a great opportunity to table and highlight wdl difficulties.

 

nz11

 

 

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MaggieSmalls
12 hours ago, nz11 said:

This.

 

Hi Maggie please be careful with exercise in wdl it may trigger wdl symptoms but also injuries.

This was my experience and i had to just do gentle stuff like walks even that set off wdl for me at times. You cant stress the cns like you normally would. I had to wait 6years before i could play sport again.

 

May i ask that if you havent as yet done the wdl survey that you consider doing it for this is a great opportunity to table and highlight wdl difficulties.

 

nz11

 

 

Hi Nz,

 

do you mean the survey by Altostrata?

How long did you have withdrawal?

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nz11

Yes its the  survey brought to your attention by altostrata.

Its the survey at the top of the thread in sa

Its the survey in my drug sig.

Its the survey that self destructs at 5pm on the 24 august.

 

 

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MaggieSmalls
13 hours ago, nz11 said:

Yes its the  survey brought to your attention by altostrata.

Its the survey at the top of the thread in sa

Its the survey in my drug sig.

Its the survey that self destructs at 5pm on the 24 august.

 

 

Ok I´ve participated already. May I ask if you completly recovered from withdrawal or are you still in wd?

 

 

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nz11

Well done Mission accomplished

Thanks for doing the survey.

I'm out of the wdl stage and now in the assessing the collateral damage stage. 

Best Wishes

nz11

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MaggieSmalls
23 minutes ago, nz11 said:

I'm out of the wdl stage and now in the assessing the collateral damage stage. 

Best Wishes

nz11

 

What do you mean with assesing the colleteral damage stage? How long did your wd last?

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MaggieSmalls

Hi,

it would be nice to get some help of you I´m getting more and more Injuries and I feel like my body is slowly not be able anymore to withstand. Every week I get something new to cope with and it gets more and more ridicoulus. It was very sunny yesterday and I just went swimming for 30 minutes but after about 2 hours when I was back at home my ears start to hurt very much and today it´s even worse and it is probably an Otitis. Both of my wrists, my right shoulder and my right knee has inflammations so I can not even walk properly on crutches and now I have an Otitis because I was a few minuetes swimming. It was not even windy yesterday and the last time I had an Otitis I was a child. I feel so hopeless because I feel so very sick besides all of the WD-Symptoms my body starts to resign. I´m searching for answers that give me some hope that my Immunsystem is not totaly ruined and everything comes from the use of Paxil. Is there anything what I can do to counter my problems or are there some suppliments except from Fish Oil and Calcium I can take?

 

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MaggieSmalls

Hi again,

just some questions:

1.) Do you think wd can last much more than 1 year even I took paxil only for 1 year? I must say that I´m very sensitive to drugs anyways even before I took Paxil like when we used to smoke weed I was after 2 puffs very high when others could smoke much more than I. I´m just curious if there´s a link between my sensitivity and  my wd.

Today I feel very bad my whole head feels like it will exlpode because of its huge pressure inside and my ears feel very numb with white noise in it?!

I´m also very dizzy and it feels like I´ll faint.

2.) And do you know the feeling that you can actually feel something happening inside your brain? I know this sounds weird but when I just sit there and focus on my brain like while meditation it feels like it´s morphing inside. It feels very very weird ...

 

3.) While WD I have the feeling that all my "bad habits" or problems I had before WD like the dead of my father feels way more bad then it felt without Paxil. Is it a "normal" phenomenon in wd?

 

 

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ChessieCat

Yes some members here are experiencing withdrawal for many years.

 

Other members have mentioned have strange sensations in there brain.  head-symptoms

 

Taking antidepressants numbs your emotions.  Also, during withdrawal you can experience Neuro Emotions

 

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MaggieSmalls

Thank you for the links Chassie!

Sometimes I have the feeling that I´m not acutally here at the moment. That everything seems so unreal to me like a very vivid dream...

And I have the feeling that the symptoms of WD changes every month and they feel different. Last month I had lots of fatigue and this month the feeling derealization is more present.

I know that therer are lots of people who suffer for a long time but I just took Paxil for only 1 year...

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MaggieSmalls

Hi guys,

do some of you know the feeling in wd of being very euphoric ? In the beginning of wd I had this in a very intense way...sometimes it was so intense that it became unpleasant like someone will not stop to tickle you. And the last days this is mixed with feeling depressed! It is such a weird cocktail of emotions on the one hand I feel like I said very euphoric which feels obviously pretty nice whilegoing through  wd but on the other hand I feel simultaneously very depressed with suicidal thoughts and hopelessness. 

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PoetJester
15 minutes ago, MaggieSmalls said:

Hi guys,

do some of you know the feeling in wd of being very euphoric ? In the beginning of wd I had this in a very intense way...sometimes it was so intense that it became unpleasant like someone will not stop to tickle you. And the last days this is mixed with feeling depressed! It is such a weird cocktail of emotions on the one hand I feel like I said very euphoric which feels obviously pretty nice whilegoing through  wd but on the other hand I feel simultaneously very depressed with suicidal thoughts and hopelessness. 

 

Hi again Maggie,

 

I have had the same mixture of euphoria and despair in wd.    I see a lot of posts where people have a hard time saying whether they are doing better or not because they are off the pills and feeling better at times and then at other times are sunk in depression from the wd symptoms.   I also had more euphoria earlier in wd.  it was such a relief to be off the pills, even though sleep was terrible.  now after 3 years of poor sleep it's more of the misery thing.   I have been very creative in wd and feel like I grasped my life back or maybe discovered a part of myself by coming off the sedative like effects of the pills.  I began volunteering  cleaning parks and working at thrift stores and go several times a week on my bike to local golf courses to hunt golf balls that I sell online to make extra money and have also become sort of a junk collector/artist, but at the same time it's being taken away by poor sleep and all that comes with it.     it feels like my future or my life  is being taken away before it ever really began.    very frustrating.   I have laughed a lot to myself and cried a lot alone these past 3 1/2 years.  laughing and weeping.    I am a poet and comedian and have written quite a lot of poetry and comedy material in wd, much much more than I was writing the last 8 years on the pills where I sat in my apt everyday and slept most of the day, but I am mostly too tired to go and do shows downtown and I dont' know where to submit my writing, so the poetry and humorous writings and ideas just pile up in a couple of shoeboxes in my living room.    I have been trying to keep my head up through all this, but at the same time I am often miserable watching my health deteriorate and not knowing what to do.   one look in the mirror sends me into depression.  I have huge sagging bags under my eyes now.    happy and healthy would obviously be better, but I haven't gotten there yet. 

 

sorry, if this post is a little bit confused.  it took me a long time to write.  I am starting to lose the flow of writing these days. 

 

Poet

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MaggieSmalls
17 hours ago, PoetJester said:

 

Hi again Maggie,

 

I have had the same mixture of euphoria and despair in wd.    I see a lot of posts where people have a hard time saying whether they are doing better or not because they are off the pills and feeling better at times and then at other times are sunk in depression from the wd symptoms.   I also had more euphoria earlier in wd.  it was such a relief to be off the pills, even though sleep was terrible.  now after 3 years of poor sleep it's more of the misery thing.   I have been very creative in wd and feel like I grasped my life back or maybe discovered a part of myself by coming off the sedative like effects of the pills.  I began volunteering  cleaning parks and working at thrift stores and go several times a week on my bike to local golf courses to hunt golf balls that I sell online to make extra money and have also become sort of a junk collector/artist, but at the same time it's being taken away by poor sleep and all that comes with it.     it feels like my future or my life  is being taken away before it ever really began.    very frustrating.   I have laughed a lot to myself and cried a lot alone these past 3 1/2 years.  laughing and weeping.    I am a poet and comedian and have written quite a lot of poetry and comedy material in wd, much much more than I was writing the last 8 years on the pills where I sat in my apt everyday and slept most of the day, but I am mostly too tired to go and do shows downtown and I dont' know where to submit my writing, so the poetry and humorous writings and ideas just pile up in a couple of shoeboxes in my living room.    I have been trying to keep my head up through all this, but at the same time I am often miserable watching my health deteriorate and not knowing what to do.   one look in the mirror sends me into depression.  I have huge sagging bags under my eyes now.    happy and healthy would obviously be better, but I haven't gotten there yet. 

 

sorry, if this post is a little bit confused.  it took me a long time to write.  I am starting to lose the flow of writing these days. 

 

Poet

Hey Poet,

thx for that detailed reply I really appreciate ppl who are trying to help me to cope with this cruel situation we are all going through! You have taken those pills for a very long time I can only imagine what it is like to come off after such a long time with them. I took them only one year and I can see the scary effects on my body and my mind. All in all I feel that I´m improving by time but then there comes a week like this where symptoms are again so strong and intense that I feel like my brain is damage for ever. It is so hard to say to myself that time will heal and all will be good maybe even better then before but on days like this it feels far far away. I´m doing so much to get my life back but it feels like that sport and meditation and and and only helps a little so only time can heal the damages.

 

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MaggieSmalls

Hi guys,

 

I thought it´s time to post an update.

Today I´m 1 year and 3 month off Paxil and unfortunately I still have to struggle a lot with protracted wd. 

But things got better especially my mood improved a lot. I do not have these waves with deep feelings of depression anymore and I am quite happy all the time which is very paradoxic because of my physical condition. I still experience the waves and windows pattern but I get the impression that my symptoms are going to be reduced to the physical ones like dizziness and feeling drugged, fatigue, derealisation, head pressure, muscle pain & buzzing in my ears.

 

I still can´t except how drugged I feel every day especially in the morning although I have not taken any kind of drug for more than 1 year as well as I still am very afraid of long term brain damages due to 1 year of Paxil.

 

As time goes by it´s getting harder to explain to other people what is happening to me. They just can´t understand what I am going through and this makes me very sad cause I feel completely isolated sometimes. And no one knows how long I will suffer from this syndrome which is in times of a wave very overwhelming for me :(

 

Greetings,

Maggie

 

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MaggieSmalls

Hello everyone,

I´m going to have a knie surgery at the end of the month and I am pretty afraid of being under general anaesthetic while withdrawling from Paxil. 

Is there anything I should know before going to the hospital? Do you think I should talk to the Doctor that I´m suffering from WD Syndrome`? I don´t really think that they would believe what I´m talking about :(

 

 

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MaggieSmalls

Hello everyone,

in one month I´m 2 years off paxil and still having severe wd symptoms which is so frustrating and exhausting.

 

I just read about the topic "WD-Normal" which I think I am right now most of the time. Then and now I have a wave but those waves are not that intense anymore as they used to be.

 

The first 1 and a half year was just hell on earth with some short windows. 

In 2017 and 2018 all of my waves were combined with deep feelings of depression and anxiety. Much stronger than I felt it on my "real" depression in 2015 but that is basicly on of the few things that improved a lot. Since the 2nd half of 2018 I don´t have those depressive  and anxious waves anymore which is at least giving me a bit of hope that everything else will be repaired too.

Also my sleep has improved a lot. Though I don´t feel rested in the morning at all I can easily sleep 8 hours  straight without waking up every 2 hours plus I don´t have those strange nightmares anymore. 

 

What I still have is a constant feeling of derealisation, brainfog and being drugged. I never felt sober and rested over the last 3 years. I also have consistent tinitus / white noise, head pressure and some kind of a dry mouth. It´s not really dry that I need to drink it just feels dry.

Sometimes I just can´t believe what Paxil has done to me though I just took it for about 1 year. Healing is happening so damn slow that I am very afraid of how long I will still have to deal with it plus the constand fear of having permanent brain damages that will never heal.

Maybe some of you can give me a bit of hope or just share your thoughts with me.

Thanks

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Gridley
Posted (edited)

The brain has remarkable abilities to heal and the damage to it is not permanent.  There is no hard-and-fast correlation between how long you took the drug and how long withdrawal lasts.  The fact that you're sleeping has improved is an excellent sign that healing is taking place.   Yes, healing is slow.

 

How Long Is Withdrawal Going to Take? 

Edited by Gridley

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MaggieSmalls
22 hours ago, Gridley said:

The brain has remarkable abilities to heal and the damage to it is not permanent.  There is no hard-and-fast correlation between how long you took the drug and how long withdrawal lasts.  The fact that you're sleeping has improved is an excellent sign that healing is taking place.   Yes, healing is slow.

 

How Long Is Withdrawal Going to Take? 

Hi Gridley,

thanks for your response it always lifts my mood when I hear from other members. You feel very isolated with that syndrome

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MaggieSmalls

Hi everyone,

its been 2 years and 6 month now that I quit Paxil and I just feel like talking to someone about my journey since I have no one really to talk with besides the internet.

Lots of my symptomes are gone and some have improved a lot. Especially my mood is much much better since I reached the 2 years mark. I almost have no depressive feelings anymore and by that I mean this typical WD depressive feeling which feels like something is trying to pull you to the ground combined with hopelesness, fatigue, sadness and lethargy. It was so strong for about 2 years that I never thought it will ever go away but thanks god it went away almost completely.

I always told to myself if this will be repaired I will not complain about my state anymore but now that it´s gone I still see all the things that are damaged and it makes me again really sad and angry.

All in all I feel hungover the entire time plus massive derealisation , brainfog and dizziness. This plus a few other symptoms like sweating, hot and cold flashes, intense nightmares (waking up halucinating for a few seconds) and neuro emotions is how I feel right now. I rencently saw a post on this board called "WD NORMAL" which I think is my actual state because I don´t have these Windows and Waves pattern anymore. Of course I feel sometimes better and sometimes worse but it´s not that intense anymore. More like an overall feeling of a strong hangover. What do you think about that - is it a good sign I am improving that my WD is not seperatet into WAVES and Windows so strong anymore?

Even tough I improved a lot It still makes me feel so sad when I think about the past few years and the fear that I have permanent brain damages is really intense. The brainfog is the worst because it wont let me feel "sober" for so long now...

How far are you into WD is there anyone who quit SSRi at around the same time like I did?

All the best to ya´ll!

Maggie

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Altostrata

Hello, Maggie.

 

Good to hear you've seen some improvement. Looking back over the last 6 months, how has your symptom pattern changed?

 

Please don't make yourself sad by blaming yourself, or regret for your medical accident.

 

A lot of people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

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MaggieSmalls
10 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Hello, Maggie.

 

Good to hear you've seen some improvement. Looking back over the last 6 months, how has your symptom pattern changed?

Hi @Altostrata,

appreciate your reply! Within the last 6-8 month my symptoms have changed to an overall feeling of being sick instead of the typical waves and windows pattern. All the symptoms calmed down a little bit and some have disapeared entirely. I read the post "withdrawal normal" which describes my current state pretty well.

Things that improved the most are my mood and my sleep. I sleep at least 8 -9 hours every night and my sleep is really deep and I have intense dreams (They used to be nightmares and developed into "normal" dreams.)

First 2 years of withdrawal I had intense physical waves combined with dark depressive feelings. My mood is the only thing in WD where I can clearly see the progress where all the physical symptoms come and go how they want.

And all of a sudden I have a strong wave for about a week now which is so frustrating to me especially in terms of my mood.

I do take fish oil every day for about 2 years now but I just read the post you messaged me where I saw that I might take to less and not in combination with Viatmin E. I´m gonna try that soon!

 

Maggie

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shawny

@MaggieSmalls : Ur tinnitus went away ?

u had eye floaters , did they go away ?

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