MaggieSmalls: 6 month off Paxil with huge WD

[MaggieSmalls]

@shawny no my tinnitus + buzzing ears is still there and was never away. Same with dizziness, brainfog and derealization.

No I never had exe floaters but I have flickering view most of the times.

[shawny]

@MaggieSmalls wen did it start ?

and has it reduced in volume ?

[MaggieSmalls]

derealisation and dizziness started from the moment I took Paxil and tinnitus / buzzing ears I think when I first tapered off

[shawny]

has it reduced in volume ?

[Altostrata]

13 hours ago, MaggieSmalls said:

I do take fish oil every day for about 2 years now but I just read the post you messaged me where I saw that I might take to less and not in combination with Viatmin E. I´m gonna try that soon!

 

No, you can take fish oil and vitamin E together. If you haven't been having a bad reaction to the fish oil, you don't have to change it.

 

Frustrating as it has been, it sounds like you are recovering from PAWS. Has anything happened recently that might trigger a wave? Antibiotics, a glass of wine, a heat wave?

[MaggieSmalls]

11 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Frustrating as it has been, it sounds like you are recovering from PAWS. Has anything happened recently that might trigger a wave? Antibiotics, a glass of wine, a heat wave?

I will go trough that if my brain will be able to recover. I am just so afraid (like we all) that my brain was to damaged to repair itself. Though I was on 40mg I only took Paxil for a couple of month and to see what this Pill has done to me is so surreal. I literaly can´t believe that these Pills are even legal.  And no one can tell you how long it will take...its so frustrating and must feel like a miricale when you eventually heal.

 

I stay completely away from alcohol for about 3 years now. I tried to stay away from coffee and cigcarettes as well for about 1 year but it hasn´t effected my symptoms really.

 

[MaggieSmalls]

On 9/13/2019 at 9:56 AM, shawny said:

has it reduced in volume ?

no not really...more in waves less in windows

[Altostrata]

We know the nervous system is continually changing and adapting. It can take a long time, but it moves towards factory settings.

[MaggieSmalls]

On 9/14/2019 at 9:53 PM, Altostrata said:

We know the nervous system is continually changing and adapting. It can take a long time, but it moves towards factory settings.

Thanks Alto I hope I will come back some day with a Success Story!

[Alice1]

On 9/14/2019 at 3:53 PM, Altostrata said:

We know the nervous system is continually changing and adapting. It can take a long time, but it moves towards factory settings.

 

I absolutely love it when you say this Alto . I really do hope it applies to Akathisia .. 

[MaggieSmalls]

Hi,

has anyone fully recovered from the feeling of being derealized and disconnected from your environment?

Besided brain fog this is my main symptom and I reached a stage where I can´t remember anymore how it feels like to be without this.

Since the very first day I took Paxil I felt like this until now and I simply can´t imagine how this will ever be away. On some good days it feels less intense but its never fully gone.

 

[MaggieSmalls]

Today again I feel like a mess. I woke up feeling a strong hangover combined with derealization, brain fog, muscle spams, joint pain and dizziness.

Also had hallucination last night and my vision seems to be different today it feels like objects I try to focus are shifting and moving. Very slightly though.

What has Paxil done to my brain... it is so awful feeling withdrawal symptoms that strong after almost 3 years. I didn´t even take it for a long time and it seems to have destroyed my life...I know you all say that we all recover by time but days like these makes it so hard to believe that. It feels like you are doomed to live a life with a these symptoms...

On top of that no one understands you especially not after all those years you haven´t touched a pill.

 

 

[Longroadhome]

Maggie how are you doing now ? 
im tapering off Paxil 

it’s a  beast !!! 

[MaggieSmalls]

11 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

Maggie how are you doing now ? 
im tapering off Paxil 

it’s a  beast !!! 

Hi Longroadhome,

I´m more than 3 years off and my taper started around 4 years ago.

First 2 1/2 years were pure hell but within the past 6 month I finally see that I am reaching a state of healing where I can bare with this. I don´t fight against it anymore its just there and of course its annoying but overall I feel much better.

I still feel dizzy and drunk the whole day but its not that intense anymore. Worst thing is the brainfog compared with derealization which is not really improving. I also still hallucinate at night and have intense moodswings like anger but also rushes of happiness out of nowhere. My brain is still hurt and I feel that every day but again it got better. The past 3 or 4 month I feel like I reached "Withdrawal Normal" there is an article on this site about it. Waves and Windows are both not so intense anymore its more like an overall feeling of being sick.

How are you doing?

 

[Malon]

@MaggieSmalls good to hear that you have improvements! I found we have some symptoms in common. Do you still have this hangover feeling in the morning and the fatigue? Can you do more exercises now?

I am 12 months off Paxil now. I took different SSRI for over 13 years since I was a youth. I am getting better windows.  As soon as I do too much sport, drink alcohol, stress etc. the symtoms go crazy again. I am also from Germany.


 

[MaggieSmalls]

53 minutes ago, Malon said:

@MaggieSmalls good to hear that you have improvements! I found we have some symptoms in common. Do you still have this hangover feeling in the morning and the fatigue? Can you do more exercises now?

I am 12 months off Paxil now. I took different SSRI for over 13 years since I was a youth. I am getting better windows.  As soon as I do too much sport, drink alcohol, stress etc. the symtoms go crazy again. I am also from Germany.


 

Hey Malon,

since this is an english speaking site we should continue speaking in English but if you want you can DM me at any time.

Yes the hangover feeling in the morning is still very present and lack of sleep (everything below 8h) triggers these feelings a lot.

Fatigue also improved a lot but I still have it. Every 4-5 weeks I have 2 weeks of fatigue usually around 3pm and it lasts for 2-3 hours. I avoid falling asleep during this because when you wake up from a fatigue wave it feels incredibly awful for me. So I just go out or do some excercise.

I work out a lot like 3 cardio sessions and 4 times a week I visit my local gym. In the very beginning of WD I could´t work out properly because my joints hurt so bad and I got a lot of inflammations. Withdrawal hit me on every part of my body but I´m so thankful that is has at least improved a lot and today I really believe that one day this whole nightmare is over for all of us.

 

I don´t drink alcohol for about 4 years now because its not worth it. Just stay away from it and go to sleep early. I know it´s so hard socialising with WD but we need to take care of us more than others. I tried to drink a few beers now and then but the days after are not worth it. Alcohol triggers my WD so intense which why I decided to not even touch a beer or a glass of wine.

 

 

[Longroadhome]

5 hours ago, MaggieSmalls said:

Hi Longroadhome,

I´m more than 3 years off and my taper started around 4 years ago.

First 2 1/2 years were pure hell but within the past 6 month I finally see that I am reaching a state of healing where I can bare with this. I don´t fight against it anymore its just there and of course its annoying but overall I feel much better.

I still feel dizzy and drunk the whole day but its not that intense anymore. Worst thing is the brainfog compared with derealization which is not really improving. I also still hallucinate at night and have intense moodswings like anger but also rushes of happiness out of nowhere. My brain is still hurt and I feel that every day but again it got better. The past 3 or 4 month I feel like I reached "Withdrawal Normal" there is an article on this site about it. Waves and Windows are both not so intense anymore its more like an overall feeling of being sick.

How are you doing?

 

Thank you for your reply Maggie 

you are well on the road to recovery and that is great 

it’s been a long journey for you considering the short length of time on the drug 

we are all unique and your reaction to Paxil  has been intense . Like someone who has been on it years . 
I found your thread so interesting as you spoke about injuries at the gym when going through Wd

and this is exactly like me . 
I get one injury after the other. Weird. Back pain elbow pain hip pain joints everywhere painful after exercise . Knocks me out of training each time for a few weeks 

I have had this problem while on Paxil and it’s even worse now I’m tapering . 
ive never been free of symptoms since starting this journey 15 months ago. Still in the process of tapering at 5.7mg at the moment 

I had been in poop out with this med for a number of years prior to commencing tapering 

did  you have much anxiety and depression During WD

if do how did it start to get better? 
did you have windows and waves and what did they feel like? 
thank you for sharing your story 

you are strong and courageous going through WD from such a strong drug 

well done !! 

 

 

[MaggieSmalls]

3 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

Thank you for your reply Maggie 

you are well on the road to recovery and that is great 

it’s been a long journey for you considering the short length of time on the drug 

we are all unique and your reaction to Paxil  has been intense . Like someone who has been on it years . 
I found your thread so interesting as you spoke about injuries at the gym when going through Wd

and this is exactly like me . 
I get one injury after the other. Weird. Back pain elbow pain hip pain joints everywhere painful after exercise . Knocks me out of training each time for a few weeks 

I have had this problem while on Paxil and it’s even worse now I’m tapering . 
ive never been free of symptoms since starting this journey 15 months ago. Still in the process of tapering at 5.7mg at the moment 

I had been in poop out with this med for a number of years prior to commencing tapering 

did  you have much anxiety and depression During WD

if do how did it start to get better? 
did you have windows and waves and what did they feel like? 
thank you for sharing your story 

you are strong and courageous going through WD from such a strong drug 

well done !! 

 

 

I can absoloutely relate to the injuries during WD. At the very beginning it was horrible and you described it pretty well. I played some tennis and my wrist was inflamed. I went to the gym and my shoulders were inflamed. I went jogging and my both knee hurt so much that I needed a brake for several weeks. And this repeated over and over again. Injury, recovery and so on....

On top of that everything else "didn´t work". My whole body was a mess and no one could relate to what I was going and still going trough. Today when someone is asking me how I feel or why I don´t drink I just say that I don´t want to drink anymore because I want to stay healthy. Its not worth to explain it over and over again...my close friends believe me but they can´t understand what we are going through. And yes even though I only took it for one year...Paxil is poison to some of us and it ruined several years of my life and I don´t know how long it will take but I am very sure that I left the big part of WD behind me.

 

Anxiety and depression were so intense I can´t even put it in the right words. It was like taking XTC but when the effect is the complete opposite...like a drug trip which makes you extremly depressed and anxious. I couldn´t sleep more than 3 h which triggers withdrawal which triggers lack of sleep. I had waves and windows from the very beginning I started tapering.

I also since today never had moments or hours where I haven´t had any symptoms but back then when I had windows it felt like a short relief where everyhting felt not that serious. It felt more bearable in general and I was more optimistic during a window. In waves I felt like I will never heal and all the symptoms were much much stronger.

Again today I still feel very sick but its more like a neverending hangover...now and then I get a short depressive wave of a few hours but nothing compared to how it was a few month / years ago.

I had over 50 symptoms in one day and today it is basicly:

Brainfog

Derealization

Hallucinations (rarely)

Flickering vision

Dizziness

Muscle twitchtes

Anger (much better than it was)

Fatigue

 

Today I know that I react extremely sensetive to SSRIs but back then I really trusted my doctor which was a big mistake. From the very first moment I took my pills I had sideeffects like burning skin , hallucinating at night with sweating etc... .

It really gets better but unfortunately it can take a long long time. I dont fight against this anymore I just trust all the people who have recovered and what they say.

 

 

[Malon]

On 5/28/2020 at 1:54 PM, MaggieSmalls said:

Hey Malon,

since this is an english speaking site we should continue speaking in English but if you want you can DM me at any time.

Yes the hangover feeling in the morning is still very present and lack of sleep (everything below 8h) triggers these feelings a lot.

Fatigue also improved a lot but I still have it. Every 4-5 weeks I have 2 weeks of fatigue usually around 3pm and it lasts for 2-3 hours. I avoid falling asleep during this because when you wake up from a fatigue wave it feels incredibly awful for me. So I just go out or do some excercise.

I work out a lot like 3 cardio sessions and 4 times a week I visit my local gym. In the very beginning of WD I could´t work out properly because my joints hurt so bad and I got a lot of inflammations. Withdrawal hit me on every part of my body but I´m so thankful that is has at least improved a lot and today I really believe that one day this whole nightmare is over for all of us.

 

I don´t drink alcohol for about 4 years now because its not worth it. Just stay away from it and go to sleep early. I know it´s so hard socialising with WD but we need to take care of us more than others. I tried to drink a few beers now and then but the days after are not worth it. Alcohol triggers my WD so intense which why I decided to not even touch a beer or a glass of wine.

 

 

Hey Maggie,

sorry to hear that you still have this hangover feeling in the morning. Has it already improved? Could you find ways to handle it better?  I had it today and its just insane. The strenght of it varies from day to day. It is funnny because a few days ago I described it in exactly the same words as you did: It feels like a I drank a bottle of Vodka in the evening before. Even after good amount of sleep and of course without drinking or taking anything.
You are right it is important to avoid alcohol, lack of sleep and other things that trigger symptoms (too much sport still triggers a lot for me, but I can do a bit more now). All of my friends drinking a lot and very frequently and they want me to drink as well or they are wondering why I am not drinking. Well I cant explain them it is because of WD.  In fact I tried to explain a few of them but they are not able to understand it. I gove up to try to explain it to anybody in "real life".
I guess it is a lonely road, except here online with the forum which saves lifes.

For me its important to remember that what is happening is not my fault and to have hope. Yes, if I look back there are definitely improvements as well. It feels good to look back and to see that.

[Boris]

I got the hangover morning, nausea, dizziness, fatigue etc and it would continue throughout the day. It came and went while on Paxil. Around one year off it came on strong and stayed around for 1.5years everyday all day.

 

I'm more back to my normal lazy self now. I can work and focus much better. I was on pregablin at the time so I can't be sure it was the Paxil. But thats the drug that did me in and I had no problems going on or off Pregablin.

 

I also could not touch alcohol, over eat, too little or oversleep, caffeine etc. All these would set off withdrawal. At around 1.5 years off Paxil I could drink again and I started sleeping past 6am.

 

I also have tinnitus (white noise type) that came on while tapering. 

 

I never thought any symptoms would get better but they do! I'm glad you're seeing some improvements as well.

[Longroadhome]

Hi Boris 

how long did you taper Seroxat  for The last time ? 
Also how long did you taper Lyrica for? 
 

im reducing seroxat by 10% every 6 weeks 

 

im

also reducing the Lyrica inbetween the seroxat taper 

 

by what percentage would you say you have recovered ? 
 

thank you 😊 

[Malon]

@Boris Thanks for sharing your experience! Glad that you are more back to your normal self.

[Boris]

On 5/30/2020 at 8:30 AM, Longroadhome said:

Hi Boris 

how long did you taper Seroxat  for The last time ? 
Also how long did you taper Lyrica for? 
 

im reducing seroxat by 10% every 6 weeks 

 

im

also reducing the Lyrica inbetween the seroxat taper 

 

by what percentage would you say you have recovered ? 
 

thank you 😊 

 

Sorry didn't see this

 

I tapered 5mg (what I reinstated in 2012) over 2 years but no set amount. I think I did it in small increments of the liquid. I wasn't on this forum but I knew some stuff from using Paxil progress back in the day so took it slowly. I was still hit by a 4-5month intense withdrawal. Symptoms after that were my bladder/genital stuff that is slowly getting better 3 off the Paroxetine. Also fatigue/brain fog/cognitive function has improved a lot.

 

Pregablin I dropped quicker than I should over 12 months but I was desperate with my bladder. I had no withdrawal with that.

 

Mentally I'd say I'm about 90% recovered and physically about 60%-80% with the waves of pelvis region issues.

 

After learning how bad Paroxetine was and the akathesia plus everything else I experienced I thought it would never improve but it has.

[Altostrata]

@MaggieSmalls, how are you doing?

[MaggieSmalls]

Hello @Altostrata,

thanks for asking.

I feel much better than I felt 5 month ago. Especially my mood is getting better and better while my waves are by far not that intense anymore. Everything feels more bearable which is after all this years a true relief.

I also can meet friends again without fearing the next day because of a few beers and - or not enough sleep.

But I am not recovered yet it just feels that I finally reached a point where I really notice the progress my brain and nervous system is making.

Just last night I had again horrible hallucinations , waking up sweaty and shaking combined with a verly loud noise on my ears.

Overall a lot if things are really good right now but the symptoms from the very beginning are still there like:

Brainfog, Mood Swings, White Noise, Jaw Pain, Muscle Pain /Twitches, Fatigue, Hot & Cold Flashes, Derealization.

Not that intense but it is still nothing like feeling healthy or "normal".

 

 

[Altostrata]

Good to hear you're seeing very gradual improvement, that's "withdrawal normal".  There's no reason you won't continue to improve, as long as you avoid strong stress. Are you able to exercise again?

[MaggieSmalls]

@Altostrata yes I can exercise quite good again. Also one of my main symptons is racing thoughts where my thoughts are just so uncontrollable sometimes. Most of the time these are not even negative thoughts. It feels like my brain can´t properly handle informations. For example I step out the gym yesterday and on the way home I constantly thought about what I did at the gym as if I would tell it to someone. Its really annoying and exhausting because as soon as I change my enviroment my brain starts with new repeating thoughts.

[Altostrata]

Mindfulness might be a very good technique for you, so you can quiet your mind. See 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

[Longroadhome]

Hi @MaggieSmalls

Can you tell

me does your dizziness feel like yr on a boat a floaty feeling ? Do you get it 24/7 even when standing and lying down  And has it improved with time ?
thank you 

 

[MaggieSmalls]

hi @Longroadhome,

I feel dizzi all the time and sometimes I experience this floaty feeling like you are on a boat, too.

In my first year of WD it was so intense sometimes I could walk properly but it has improved.

Stress in general triggers this as well as all other symptoms.

[Mike8989]

Hi Maggie,

 

Do you feel sick everyday when withdrawals at their worst?

 

I reinstated to 20mg from a 3 month taper from 50mg ! MASSIVE MISTAKE I KNOW!.

 

Completely messed up now, crippling anxiety along with the constant sick feeling.

 

You feel like there is nowhere to turn as doctors and physc don't really have a clue about this.

 

Thanks

[Longroadhome]

2 hours ago, MaggieSmalls said:

hi @Longroadhome,

I feel dizzi all the time and sometimes I experience this floaty feeling like you are on a boat, too.

In my first year of WD it was so intense sometimes I could walk properly but it has improved.

Stress in general triggers this as well as all other symptoms.

Thanks Maggie

its so maddening the effect this poison has on the body ! 

[Longroadhome]

On 9/12/2020 at 9:56 AM, Mike8989 said:

Hi Maggie,

 

Do you feel sick everyday when withdrawals at their worst?

 

I reinstated to 20mg from a 3 month taper from 50mg ! MASSIVE MISTAKE I KNOW!.

 

Completely messed up now, crippling anxiety along with the constant sick feeling.

 

You feel like there is nowhere to turn as doctors and physc don't really have a clue about this.

 

Thanks

Hi there how long were you on Paxil ? 
did  you taper off completely ? 
im holding at the moment it’s a difficult drug to get off !! 

[Mike8989]

19 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

Hi there how long were you on Paxil ? 
did  you taper off completely ? 
im holding at the moment it’s a difficult drug to get off !! 

 

Hi

 

Been on for 12+ years now

 

I did taper yes from 50mg to 0mg but was a calamity so back to 20mg to try and stabilize.....

 

Did pregabalin help with anxiety?

[Longroadhome]

@Mike8989

 

don’t go on pregabalin It’d just another drug to taper off 

no it didn’t really help much 

I was prescribed it to deal with wd from Paxil but it comes with its own wd symptoms 

has going back on 20mg helped you At all ? 
why did you go up to 50mg ? 
 

I was on 20mg for 15 years and hit tolerance so decided to taper 

[MaggieSmalls]

Hello,

just a quick note of my current state as I feel WD is getting stronger again lately.

First of all I want to say that my overall mood in terms of feeling depressed is improving more and more which makes everything else much more bearable and I am very thankful for that!

Unfortunately my physical symptoms are again very present the past weeks and I feel like I am loosing my confidence of ever being 100% healthy again.

Especially my hallucinations at night are so intense and frequent the past weeks which frightens me a lot. Within the past 3 weeks I had them almost every night though they seemed to dissapear for a long time.

It is almost the same every night: I wake up by getting attacked by someone and I try to protect myself from whatever tries to attack me. It feels so real that I need to turn the lights on to convince myself that this wasn´t real. Mostly this all happens within a few seconds and I soon start to "wake up" and realize I had hallucinations again.

 

I just crossed the 4 years mark of my horrible journy caused by Paxil and I feel that even my girlfriend doesn´t really believe me anymore. I think I woudn´t believe her as well if she would tell me these things after 4 years of taking a pill for only one year.

I don´t know it´s even hard for me to believe what happened to my brain.

Main symptoms still left are:

Brainfog 24/7, buzzing ears,tinitus, white noise, dry mouth,jaw pain, muscle pain / twitches, joint pain, slightly optical illusians when trying to focus something, hallucinations at night, fatigue always around 3 pm, terrible moodswings (anger and joy), sometimes my "joy" is so intense that it feels really exhausting. (this sounds weird I know), overthinking and overreacting.

 

I also have to say that I can´t really separate my WD into windows and waves anymore. Symptoms are constant but sometimes more and less frequent. Overall not so intense.

 

Best,

Maggie