MaggieSmalls: 6 month off Paxil with huge WD

[Wagen]

@MaggieSmalls

 

Did your buzzing in head/ears resolve - Ive had in now for two months after stopping amitriptyline. It feels like very load electrical buzzing in my ears and head with intermittent tinnitus sounds in both ears. Im still taking mirtazapine and have horrible sleep problems. Could you please let me please know your experience. Thank you very much!

[MaggieSmalls]

@Wagen,

it is better than it was a year ago and much better than it was 2 years ago but it is still there.

Same with tinitus and brain fog!

 

[Wagen]

On 2/25/2021 at 10:59 AM, MaggieSmalls said:

@Wagen,

it is better than it was a year ago and much better than it was 2 years ago but it is still there.

Same with tinitus and brain fog!

 

@MaggieSmalls so glad that it lessened for you!! It gives me a bit of hope. For me, even a small reduction would be a miracle.

 

Do you feel it will continue improving for you?? 

[MaggieSmalls]

@Wagenyes it improves but very very very slowly. Everything happens so slowly during withdrawal that you don´t rally realize that it´s changing all the time. At the beginning of this journy I thought, that I will wake up one day and everything will be gone. But the truth is that symptoms going back and forth over and over again. By time the intensity decreases and you start to notice that you are able to do things which you were not able to do a year ago.

Though I feel I am still far away from writing a success story I continue to improve noticable every 4-5 month. Feeling of time has changed intirely during WD for me because as I said things are happening so slow. Its not like a broken arm or a flu...This makes it really hard for others as well to understand what some of us are going through.

 

 

 

[BigPharmaStinks]

@MaggieSmallsHappy to see you improving after such an arduous journey you've been on. I'm 2 years out of my drug cocktail, and was wondering if you could kindly elaborate what your brain fog symptoms are? For me it's a loss of working, short and long-term memory, impaired problem solving and abstract thinking, and difficulty planning and organizing information.

 

Best wishes on your remaining healing!

[Longroadhome]

@MaggieSmalls

How are you doing now? 
what symptoms and intensity are you left with. 
im still in the process of tapering Paxil and finding it hard but determined to get there. 

[MaggieSmalls]

@Longroadhome

thanks for asking.

Overall I´m feeling better than I did last year. The process of healing still is very slowly and often hard to see but it´s definately happening.

 

I still feel pretty hungover every day sometimes more sometimes less.

I still have muscle spams and pain which I guess is the main reason for the pain in my joints.

My stress tolerance is still very low and I can get angry really easily which was never a problem pre Paxil. (but much better than it was like 2 years ago)

Racing thougts

Mood swings

hot and cold flashes

brain fog

derealization

 

These are my main symptoms left but all of them are more bearable in the meantime.

Nevertheless I still have a lot of problems even over 4 years after quitting Paxil. So keep it slow and listen to your body...

Maggie

 

 

[kostakonkordia]

@MaggieSmalls

I'm 2/3 through my taper with no problems aside from depersonalisation and some weird eye things (the worst part is still infront of me, effexor btw... yikes... ) but reading these story's make my jaw drop to the floor. And im extremely intrigued by the bravery you have to come up with. At the same times it scares me to my bones that this might happen to me as well... 

This seems like something far far far away from normal human experience, it's something that noone should have to life through...

I wish you all the best and good luck with you're healing. 

Greetings Kosta 

 

[MaggieSmalls]

On 12/29/2021 at 3:04 AM, kostakonkordia said:

@MaggieSmalls

I'm 2/3 through my taper with no problems aside from depersonalisation and some weird eye things (the worst part is still infront of me, effexor btw... yikes... ) but reading these story's make my jaw drop to the floor. And im extremely intrigued by the bravery you have to come up with. At the same times it scares me to my bones that this might happen to me as well... 

This seems like something far far far away from normal human experience, it's something that noone should have to life through...

I wish you all the best and good luck with you're healing. 

Greetings Kosta 

 

Hello Kosta,

 

thanks for your kind words. I also think it is an experience none of us should go trough but at least it´s and experience we all can benefit from.

I know many stories who recovered fairly fast though they took meds for a long time. I am the complete opposite I guess. Took it only 1 year and the damage on my nervous system was and still is pretty severe.

Almost 5 years off in February 2022 and I still have massive cognitive problems which I never had prior Paxil. It´s hard to believe that we all heal but I cannot change it anyways so I just try to accept physical state.

 

Best,

Maggie

[Longroadhome]

@MaggieSmalls

hi there 

can I ask what symptoms are you left with now and to what percentage would you say you have recovered ? 
I am still tapering off Paxil  with lots of WD symptoms along the way. 

[MaggieSmalls]

25 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

@MaggieSmalls

hi there 

can I ask what symptoms are you left with now and to what percentage would you say you have recovered ? 
I am still tapering off Paxil  with lots of WD symptoms along the way. 

My main symptoms are derealization, brainfog, numbness & moodswings (anger, sadness and extrem joy)

Compared to the list of symptoms I had within the past 5 years I´d say I am around 70% recovered.

Best

[Longroadhome]

That’s very reassuring to know thank you . 
although you aren’t fully recovered it is evident this will happen,  it just takes an extremely long time doesn’t it. Longer than we would like. 
thank you for your reply 
 

[Mike8989]

Hi guys,

 

I'm looking for people's previous experiences on this barbaric drug.

 

Long story short I tapered too hard from 50mg per day to 0mg over a 3 month period.

 

Reinstated to 20mg because I couldn't function and every symptom went, apart from one. CONSTANT NAUSEA. 

 

I have felt sick everyday since July 2020 without a day's break.... the dizziness, vertigo, shaking went but not the above.

 

Do we think that this is still withdrawals or anxiety underneath the surface.

 

I don't feel anxious, but I'm always agitated/irritated in my own skin but not scared on doing things.....

 

The constant prevents me from enjoying anything now and my life is on hold.

 

I'm happy to start taking medication again but as i said i would really relish fellow people's opinions on whether this is withdrawals or anxiety....

 

Thanks in advance.

 

Mike

[Longroadhome]

Hi @Mike8989

i can only tell you of my own experience. 
a few years ago I started to taper Paxil by Dr’s instructions 10/20mg 

on alternate days. After a few months I started to get what I now know to be WD symptoms. I went back to 20mg dose a day. However I never returned to feeling fully functional and I now believe this put me into tolerance WD where the body starts to work around the drug. Over the course of the following 3 years tolerance gradually increased culminating in attacks of anxiety and other weird symptoms . This is when I knew I had to get off the drug and I’ve been tapering ever since. 
So, I think maybe you are experiencing WD brought on by the fast taper. I don’t think it matters whether it’s just one symptom or many, it’s still WD and how each person experiences this is unique to them. 
 

Just my opinion for what it’s worth.
 

 
 

[Longroadhome]

5 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

Hi @Mike8989

i can only tell you of my own experience. 
a few years ago I started to taper Paxil by Dr’s instructions 10/20mg 

on alternate days. After a few months I started to get what I now know to be WD symptoms. I went back to 20mg dose a day. However I never returned to feeling fully functional and I now believe this put me into tolerance WD where the body starts to work around the drug. Over the course of the following 3 years tolerance gradually increased culminating in attacks of anxiety and other weird symptoms . This is when I knew I had to get off the drug and I’ve been tapering ever since. 
So, I think maybe you are experiencing WD brought on by the fast taper. I don’t think it matters whether it’s just one symptom or many, it’s still WD and how each person experiences this is unique to them. 
 

Just my opinion for what it’s worth.
 

 
 

Also the fact that you’ve increased the dose over the years . Was this due to breakthrough symptoms? Again this could be masking tolerance fondly known as “poop out” when the drug gradually stops working . 

[Mike8989]

Hi @Longroadhome

 

Thanks for sharing your story.

 

Just to clarify how long have you been suffering WD and are symptoms severe.

 

I guess i went up because i thought the drug stopped working then realised all these years after that i suffer more from anxiety than depression- it should be treated totally different.

 

I'm to scared to start tapering again even though i feel terrible now- is the drug now doing more harm than good in my system?

 

Did pregabalin work with anxiety?

 

Mike

 

 

[Longroadhome]

1 hour ago, Mike8989 said:

Hi @Longroadhome

 

Thanks for sharing your story.

 

Just to clarify how long have you been suffering WD and are symptoms severe.

 

I guess i went up because i thought the drug stopped working then realised all these years after that i suffer more from anxiety than depression- it should be treated totally different.

 

I'm to scared to start tapering again even though i feel terrible now- is the drug now doing more harm than good in my system?

 

Did pregabalin work with anxiety?

 

Mike

 

 

You’re  welcome 

I have been suffering WD for three years in February after a fast taper from 20mg down to 7.5mg over a period of 3 months, late 2018. 
Yes symptoms are severe and I don’t have windows,  only times when symptoms are a little more tolerable. I held for a year from feb 2019 but never stabilised so decided to taper. 
 

i was always worried while holding my doses for a year because of the relentless symptoms and my anxiety wondering was I doing myself more harm? 
I really believe stability never happened for me during that year because I was in poop out anyway.  

it’s been very difficult and scary but for me the only answer is to taper off and let myself heal. 
 

pregabalin has never helped with WD from Paxil and I so regret the day I started it. 

im hoping to be free of Paxil at the end of this year. 
 

LRH 
 

 

[Mike8989]

@Longroadhome

 

I dropped from 50 to 20 to 10 to 5 to 2.5 to 0mg over 3 months.

 

The major WD hit when i went under 20. I was on 0mg for 5 days and was a complete mess so reinstated back to 20mg because thats where symptoms were not as bad.

 

Since that day 7th September 2020 i have felt extreme nausea everyday.

 

It's crazy how such a small pill can cause his much damage- i feel for all sufferers like us!!!!!!

 

GP's have no clue how to taper as its their advice i took to decrease the dose.

 

In your opinion do you think that 20mg is simply just doing nothing for me? I'm willing to go up again as i dont care about being paxil free anymore - i just want my life back!!

 

Thanks

 

 

[Longroadhome]

38 minutes ago, Mike8989 said:

@Longroadhome

 

I dropped from 50 to 20 to 10 to 5 to 2.5 to 0mg over 3 months.

 

The major WD hit when i went under 20. I was on 0mg for 5 days and was a complete mess so reinstated back to 20mg because thats where symptoms were not as bad.

 

Since that day 7th September 2020 i have felt extreme nausea everyday.

 

It's crazy how such a small pill can cause his much damage- i feel for all sufferers like us!!!!!!

 

GP's have no clue how to taper as its their advice i took to decrease the dose.

 

In your opinion do you think that 20mg is simply just doing nothing for me? I'm willing to go up again as i dont care about being paxil free anymore - i just want my life back!!

 

Thanks

 

 

I can only comment as if it were me. I would not increase the dose because there’s a big chance it would not help after this amount of time and then you will have to taper from a higher amount if you go up considerably chasing stability.  
I could be wrong and you may want to ask a moderator regarding this. 
also if you were to increase they would advice by a tiny amount to start.,This could be by 1mg but you would need to clarify .  
 

if it were me I would start to taper down slowly using the Brass monkey method . This being 2.5 % decrease of your current dose every week for 4 weeks then hold for two weeks. Then start again etc but this is because I want to be off all meds regardless. 

 

Your question  is difficult to answer as some people take much longer to stabilise and it could be  you need more time. People hold for much longer than you have to try and stabilise.  Others slowly start to feel better on a slow taper.  It’s impossible to say as  we all react so differently. 

 

Moderators that  will help are 

 

Shep 

Gridley

Or you could ask altostrata

I’m  here if you need further help.
 

Also think really carefully what you will do as you don’t want to be going up and down on this med as this could make you feel a lot worse than you do now. best thing is to make your mind up and stick with that decision.  
 

20mg dose will be doing something and believe it or not a 50mg dose may not inhibit many more receptors than the lower dose. 
 

we still have a long way to go regarding GPs that’s for sure. 

 

 

 

 

 

[MaggieSmalls]

Hello all,

 

just a quick update how I feel right now because it pretty much describes my overall status where I am for about over a year now. It seems like I am stuck in this state of withdrawal.

I have a constant ringing / white noise in my ears and I feel constantly dizzy.

Brainfog is some days pretty okay and on some days very tough.

Every day at about 3 - 4 pm my fatigue starts to kick in and from that time to around 9 pm it is really hard for me to conentrate and follow discussions. On top of that my mind goes crazy like all kind of thoughts are constantly rushing trough my brain. I cannot control it even if I try to meditate which makes it definately better.

Last night I also started to hallucinate again which made me really sad because I thought it was one of those symptoms that disappeared. I woke up and was 100% certain there is something standing infront of my bed and trying to attack me.

It may sound stupid but this started during tapering and it has always been these kind of hallucinations.

They last for about 10 -20 seconds and within this time I am not thinking racionally. It feels very real and is very frigheting. After that "wake up" and start to realize what was happening.

 

 

[Aurorax]

Those visual hallucinations can be very intense. I still had them occasionally during year 5-6. It took a few more years for them to go away completely.

 

On 1/21/2022 at 6:19 PM, MaggieSmalls said:

Last night I also started to hallucinate again which made me really sad because I thought it was one of those symptoms that disappeared.

 

This is actually a good thing because that means the windows are getting longer. But I know how it feels. I have lost track of all the times I thought they were gone for good, and then they came back. Mine were rarely scary, so I was lucky in that regard. I only had them while I fell asleep, woke up from sleep, rested, or was in a dark room, so I was also somewhat prepared when they came. I understand that the ones you describe must be a terrifying experience. Do you hear voices as well?

 

Aurorax

[MaggieSmalls]

14 hours ago, Aurorax said:

Those visual hallucinations can be very intense. I still had them occasionally during year 5-6. It took a few more years for them to go away completely.

 

 

This is actually a good thing because that means the windows are getting longer. But I know how it feels. I have lost track of all the times I thought they were gone for good, and then they came back. Mine were rarely scary, so I was lucky in that regard. I only had them while I fell asleep, woke up from sleep, rested, or was in a dark room, so I was also somewhat prepared when they came. I understand that the ones you describe must be a terrifying experience. Do you hear voices as well?

 

Aurorax

Hello Aurorax,

 

thanks for your reply.

Yes indeed windows are getting longer. For about 1 1/2 years I would describe my state as "withdrawal normal" where I don´t have this typical windows waves pattern anymore. It´s more like feeling the symptoms I described above less intense but all the time. I am about to hit my 5 years mark off Paxil and on days I feel withdrawal still pretty heavy I just can´t believe the damage this drug caused to my brain.
 

No, I don´t hear voices.

It´s mostly like this: I wake up seeing something standing infront of, or trying to attack me. Sometimes the "person" is standing at the end of the room and I look at it 10 seconds. I try to wake up my girlfriend to say that there is someone looking at us while I grab my mobile to put on the flashlight. But of course there is nothing to see then.

 

The hallucinations at night are pretty much the only thing where I can 100% say it´s from withdrawal.

I have the feeling that the longer you are in this prolonged withdrawal the more you identify yourself with these symptoms.

From the very beginning I need to convince myself over and over again that all this will pass and to remind myself how I was prior Paxil.

Of course after almost 6 years in total, this memory starts to vanish more and more.

Best,

Maggie

 

 

[Aurorax]

On 1/23/2022 at 11:50 AM, MaggieSmalls said:

I have the feeling that the longer you are in this prolonged withdrawal the more you identify yourself with these symptoms.

From the very beginning I need to convince myself over and over again that all this will pass and to remind myself how I was prior Paxil.

Of course after almost 6 years in total, this memory starts to vanish more and more.

 

I can relate so much to this. I remember sitting there at year 7, wondering if this was it. I could no longer remember what I was like before Paxil at age 19. I still wasn’t aware of how damaged I was until I got better. I had been on Paxil for too long to remember that. Yet still, I healed. It’s fascinating how our bodies somehow know how to repair themselves even though we are no longer aware of the end goal. I find it almost disturbing how I have returned with all my old personality traits. That’s what I believe, at least. I’m aware that I will never fully know if and to what extent I have changed. It’s easier to measure the physical symptoms, either you are nauseous or not, either you can walk this or that distance, or you can’t.

 

I saw a lot of healing around year 5, and I have read of many others who turned a corner around that time. I hope you will experience the same during 2022. Some symptoms can clear up suddenly and unexpectedly even if they have been there constantly for a long time. 

[MaggieSmalls]

On 1/24/2022 at 5:21 PM, Aurorax said:

 

I can relate so much to this. I remember sitting there at year 7, wondering if this was it. I could no longer remember what I was like before Paxil at age 19. I still wasn’t aware of how damaged I was until I got better. I had been on Paxil for too long to remember that. Yet still, I healed. It’s fascinating how our bodies somehow know how to repair themselves even though we are no longer aware of the end goal. I find it almost disturbing how I have returned with all my old personality traits. That’s what I believe, at least. I’m aware that I will never fully know if and to what extent I have changed. It’s easier to measure the physical symptoms, either you are nauseous or not, either you can walk this or that distance, or you can’t.

 

I saw a lot of healing around year 5, and I have read of many others who turned a corner around that time. I hope you will experience the same during 2022. Some symptoms can clear up suddenly and unexpectedly even if they have been there constantly for a long time. 

Glad that you recovered! I find myself over an over again searching for help and encouraging stories like yours.

That brings me a lot of hope back. I read a lot about those stories where the day comes and all symptoms disappear suddenly. I am really waiting for this too long so I try to go day by day.

 

[Jakob66]

How you doing ?

[ChessieCat]

@MaggieSmalls

 

Your new topic has been moved to an existing topic.  There are many existing topics on SA.  Before creating a new topic please do a search to see if one already exists.  SA likes to keep similar information in one topic so it is easier for members to find.

 

digestive-problems-nausea-diarrhoea-bloating-gerd

 

[MaggieSmalls]

I want to give a quick update how I feel currently. Yesterday I already posted about gastrointestinal problems which are getting worse these days.

Everytime I hit a wave of course all symptoms are becoming more present but I cannot remember when my gastrointestinal symptoms were so bad.

 

On top of that I feel extremly exhausted and the brainfog, dizziness, buzzing in my ears is immense these days.

I´m glad my mood is pretty well but my body again feels like a mess.

After 5 years I think I also reached the point where not even my girlfriend believes what damage Paxil did to me which doesn´t make it easier as you know.

 

Best,

Maggie

[MaggieSmalls]

Hello everyone,

 

as I´m close to my 6 years mark off Paxil I´d like to check in and talk about my current situation.

Though I feel terrible at the moment it was never the same throughout these 6 years. There were very good weeks and days but unfortunately I never felt sober or healthy at all for almost 6 years now. 

 

What I can see very clear now is that symptoms change over weeks.

Last 3 month I suffered a lot with gastrointestinal problems which seemed to disappeared all of a sudden. I could not eat any wheat or fatty foods but for about 2 weeks I can eat everything again without any problems. 

 

Now my biggest problem is vertigo...I cannot remember in all those 6 years when vertigo was such a problem.

I feel like walking on a boat and I find it very hard to concentrate. Sometimes I even stumble or when walking it feels like missing a stair when there is none. 

Also the white noise, muscle spams / pain and dizziness is pretty heavy these days. My vision is also really weird these days...for example when I focus at our carpet and its patterns they seem to flicker and move from left to right a few inches. Like very little hallucinations.

 

As each year goes by I loose more and more the faith of getting my life back and I find myself searching for success stories 6, 7 or 8 years + .

When I look back to the first 3 years of Wd I now see what a mess I was and I cannot imagine what I would have done if someone told me that I will feel quite the same after 6 years.

I don´t want to say that there was no process at all and on some days I feel pretty good but it even on these days it´s not a feeling of being healed or how I felt before Paxil. The symptoms are just much more bearable....

 

I think the situation would be easier if more people could relate but on top of going trough this you are going trough it on your own and no one outside of this site can see what you are going trough for such a long time.

 

Best,

Maggie

 

 

 

 

 

[Gem92]

I am so sorry you are still suffering 6 years off. I have been sick for 4 and a half years and been tapering the last drug that they kindled me on years ago. This is Hell and I wish our brains didn't take so long to heal. I hope that in another year, you will start seeing a lot of improvements. I heard that if your symptoms wax and wane like yours are, that means your brain is trying to heal. Struggling but doing the best it can. Better than having the same symptoms constantly for years. That dp/dr is an awful symptom. I have that and a lot of other hellish symptoms. I was taken off so many drugs cold turkey and then thrown on a dozen more. 

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know that doesn't seem like much but just know you are not alone. And I know you are a vet in this and I am sure you heard all this stuff I am telling you over and over again. I am a couple years behind you and sometimes just knowing I am not alone is a big help.  )I hope this all made sense because I am in a cog damage wave right now). 

[Altostrata]

Hello, @MaggieSmalls When did the vertigo start and how did it come on? Have you had it checked for a medical condition?

[MaggieSmalls]

8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Hello, @MaggieSmalls When did the vertigo start and how did it come on? Have you had it checked for a medical condition?

Vertigo started at the very beginning of tapering and disappeared ...now it´s back. I was at a lot of doctors in 2017 and 18 but no one could find anything.

[Altostrata]

When did you get a resurgence of vertigo?

[MaggieSmalls]

12 hours ago, Altostrata said:

When did you get a resurgence of vertigo?

I think about 1 /2 month ago right after my gastrointestinal problems disappeared.

It´s always like I have one major symptom for a certain time frame and as it stops or lowers in intensity the other one kicks in.

Tinnitus, Brain Fog, Dizziness and Derealization are frequent all the time.

[Altostrata]

15 hours ago, MaggieSmalls said:

I think about 1 /2 month ago right after my gastrointestinal problems disappeared.

 

Did anything occur at that time that might have brought on vertigo? 

 

An inner ear condition may cause vertigo. Did you have this checked?

[MaggieSmalls]

8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Did anything occur at that time that might have brought on vertigo? 

 

An inner ear condition may cause vertigo. Did you have this checked?

I was at several doctors because of all all the symptoms I had within the past few years of wd but no doctor ever found something clinical. In 2017 I had my ears checked and they said it´s from stress.

[Altostrata]

It's 2023. You might have developed a new inner ear condition. Loose "crystals" causing vertigo is very common and easily treated with a simple exercise. Please talk to your doctor about this or other possibilities. Not everything is withdrawal.