Jump to content
Littlegrandma

Littlegrandma

Recommended Posts

Littlegrandma

Moderator note - link to Littlegrandma's benzo thread

 

 

Hello everyone. I wanted to introduce myself and give you my history

june 2015 lunesta 2 mg for insomnia. . 

July 2015 started celexa for GAD and insomnia. 

S/A headache, nausea, stomach pain, increased anxiety, blurry vision. 

Sept 2015 celexa switched to lexapro due to extreme eye pressure 

I never felt right on the lexapro. My fog never cleared and I still needed lunesta every night to sleep. But it helped slightly with anxiety and I was able to go about life but never really enjoying it. I felt I was always trying to distract myself with menial  activity. Very apathetic. 

June 2, 2017 tapered lex from 20 mg to 7.5. Migraine, nausea, fatigue, loss of balance, ringing in ears, depersonalization, anxiety, sweats, depression. 

June 25 physical symptoms subsided, so I went to 7 mg making my own liquid. I don't think I did it right. 

July 6th -7mg with compounded pill.

july 11 dry heaves, migraine, increased anxiety, 

july 15 trembling, panic, racing heart

july 20 went to ER for BP 210/207

 was put on 25 mg metoprolol and .5 Ativan as needed. ( I was already taking .25 xanax occasionally). 

Aug 1 upped lex dose to 8 mg

Aug 3 suicidal thoughts, panic, trembling

Aug 5 upped lex dose to 10 mg at the suggestion of a new therapist. 

I have not been able to stabilize. I am taking more and more xanax but trying to not exceed total .75 mg day

i am left incapacitated, unable to take care of my house or my grandchildren. The tremors and panic remain as well as constant nausea and headache. 

Aug 7 I had a 3 hour consultation to get into detox for benzo w/d. I was told I was not in w/d and they scoffed at the idea that lexapro could cause w/d issues either. They said it sounds neurological and wouldn't even be admitted for IOP until I was medically cleared by a doctor. 

I am in despair and have nowhere to turn. Most of my family doesn't believe this is real as they've never had a problem starting , stopping, or switching a/d meds. I'm hoping I can get some good advice from you. 

Sorry this is so long. I hope it makes sense. I spent a long time writing earlier and lost message when I tried to post. That took about all the energy I had, so this may seem garbled. 

Thank you for listening and for any advice you may be able to give me

Edited by Shep
added moderator note

Share this post


Link to post
baroquep

Hi Littlegrandma, Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants.  Sorry to hear that you are not doing well at the moment.  It sounds like your central nervous system (CNS) has destabilized because of too many changes and you are experiencing withdrawal which is quite normal when trying to taper off of psychoactive drugs.  Rest assured there is a wealth of information on this site to help you to learn about what is happening to you and supportive members that can guide in the right direction.  Not many medical professionals acknowledge withdrawal syndrome but I can tell you from experience that it is very real.    

 

In order to properly advise you, could you please create a withdrawal history signature so that the moderators/admins know exactly what they are dealing with (information on how to do this is at the link below). 

 

Instructions:  Withdrawal History Signature

 

In the meantime, I am attaching a couple of links below and encourage you to read as much as you can.  It will help you tremendously if you know what to expect, why your body is reacting the way it is and what you can do to help yourself along the way.  The information you will find here is the most informative and comprehensive information you will find anywhere regarding anti-depressant withdrawal and you are in very good hands.  

 

What is Withdrawal Syndrome?


What is Happening in Your Brain

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Madeleine

Welcome to the forum, people here understand what you are going through. You'll find lots of support here. 

Best wishes. 

M

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Thank you Baroquep for your kind response. I will try to figure out through the brain fog how to do my withdrawal history. At the moment it makes little sense. 

I sure wish I would have found this forum 2 years ago July. But I have taken a lot from it in the last couple weeks. I am sickened by all the people that are suffering. 

 I have one question right now. 

Do you think I may stableize on the 10 mg of lexapro after dropping the dose for several weeks? I just can not believe the effects of one tiny pill on the CNS. 

Thanks again. 

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Thank you Madeleine. 

Share this post


Link to post
baroquep

Hi again, I know that there is a lot of information to digest and it is even more difficult to comprehend through the brain fog.  Without knowing a little more about your history with anti-depressants, I am hesitant to say anything but am a little concerned that 10mg may be too high a dose right now as you started to have difficulties when you went from 7 to 10 mg but that the ER added metoprolol and .5 Ativan is likely what destabilized you.  

 

Are you still taking metoprolol and Ativan?  Just be forewarned that adding additional drugs when we are already destabilized tends to make matters worse.  Rather than rely on any type of tranquilizer, I would encourage you to try and manage the symptoms you have now with non-drug coping methods and to not make any further changes for the time being.  It can sometimes take many months to stabilize and patience is definitely a virtue and one that will help you long term.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Rest assured that you will eventually stabilize again once your CNS has settled, it's been through a lot in a very short period of time and is trying to find a balance through all the changes that were made over a short period of time.  I destabilized earlier this year and after a good long hold (3 months) of keeping my dose steady, eliminating all supplements with the exception of fish oil and magnesium and reading up as much as I could about what I could do to help myself through this process, I am back on track and have been able to restart the tapering process.  

Hoping that you find your calming place soon.  

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Thanks again. I am still taking the metoprolol as my B/P is out of control. I am not taking the Ativan but am taking xanax, a script I had but rarely used. I feel I've gotten in too deep with it now and am suffering w/d every 4 hrs when I don't use it. Not sure if I should go to hospital for detox or just stop it. I was hospitalized years ago, 5 wks,  for xanax withdrawal, a hell I thought I'd never get myself into again. 

Pretty scared right now

Share this post


Link to post
mammaP

Hi Littlegrandma. I am sorry to see you are suffering this way.  Benzos cause rebound anxiety, they help a problem and cause the problem so it becomes a vicious cycle. How long have you been dosing xanax every 4 hours?  As you know it can become addictive quite quickly, I am hoping it hasn't been too long. How much xanax did you take before this? How often? Sometimes as needed can be once a month, others it is one to 3 times a day 'as needed' and missed a day or 2. 

 

 

I would hold the lexapro for now while we look at the benzo. Baroquep makes a good point, that the drugs added could have further destabilised you but sometimes they are necessary, that is a very high BP, has it helped? This will not last forever, you will stabilise but it will take time. In the meantime take good care of yourself as you would a member of family. Talking about family, they just do not understand withdrawal, doctors rarely understand it. They get irritated when we talk about it. Maybe if they looked at this site they might feel differently? 

You could show them this topic. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1234-what-loved-ones-might-see/

 

Edited by mammaP

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Good morning mammaP. 

Thank you for your response. 

The metoprolol definitely helped with the B/P. But my heart rate is all over the board. 

Since July 20th I have taken (10)

1 mg pills of Ativan to sleep. I haven't taken any in about a week

Over the last 2 1/2 months I have taken a total of (29) xanax . 5. It's just been the last week or two that I've taken them pretty regularly. I take 1/2 a pill or .25 mg 3 times a day. Of course the anxiety reaches an all time high after the 4 hour mark and I'm too weak minded to get control over the anxiety. I know the danger of benzos and that in itself amplifies the anxiety. 

This AM I quartered the xanax and will try to start weaning off. 

Does that sound like a good plan or should I just stop?

30 years ago I was hospitalized for  xanax abuse but I was taking it per doctor's order for over a year. At that time I wasn't even aware it was an addictive drug. I never thought I'd get myself into this situation again!!

thanks again mamma.   

Share this post


Link to post
Altostrata

Welcome, LIttlegrandma.

 

What times of day do you take each drug, and at what dosage? Do you get all your bad symptoms from interdose withdrawal from the Ativan?

 

Please keep daily notes on paper about your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages.

 

If you experience rebound anxiety from Ativan, you are already physiologically dependent on it. You might be able to get away with a minimal dose on a regular schedule. Please be very regular in your dosing so we can track where symptoms are coming from.

 

As you know, you'll have to taper off Ativan later, but my guess is 10mg Lexapro is too much for you. It's not a good idea to change 2 drugs at once, that confuses things immensely. While you're keeping the Ativan steady, we can discuss reducing the Lexapro, which may well be causing the blood pressure and insomnia and other symptoms of activation.

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Alto, thanks

i am so confused right now. 

I take lex about 9 pm. I am no longer taking Ativan, about 2 wks now. But I take 2 mg lunesta before bedtime. 

I have been taking xanax .25 mg x 4 a day. I reduced that yesterday to .175 x 4. 

Today I took .175 a couple hours later than usual to hopefully take it only x3 today. The anxiety is very high. It doesn't seem to alleviate anxiety that much anyway. 

After the horrific physical side effects, I really felt better at 7.5 mg. of lex. Actually clearer and calmer than I had in 2 yrs. just wish I'd have given myself more time to stabilize. 

I have an appt at Mayo Clinic on tues to get their insight and get medically cleared anyway, as I am really having health anxiety right now. 

Ultimately, I want to take advice from you, as I feel you are the expert. I appreciate all of your time and input, more than I can say. 

Thank you, littlegrandma 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

PS

just curious.....I've only been back on 10 mg lex for 2 wks(tomorrow), if it wasn't for the xanax, would you normally suggest reducing again this quick? And will side effects normally be as severe as last time? (In your experience)

I did reduce 25% and I'm sure you will suggest going slower this time. Thanks again

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Sorry. I just wanted to add before you respond to me..... I guess the xanax was helping. I am having tremors and heart rate is about 110. Maybe I should stay on a stable dose and worry about the lex now. Do you think it should be scheduled xanax or as needed basis. Thanks again. I hate to be the one that's a pain, but as you know, this is debilitating. 

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Hi. I am wondering if anybody can relate to my experience. 

I started tapering 10 lexapro June 2 by 25%, going slower than dr suggestion. After 2 horrible weeks I felt pretty good. I only waited a week to go down another.5 mg and all heck broke loose. I upped to 8 mg and at dr suggestion went back up to 10 mg. That was 2 weeks ago today. I have the flu symptoms but the anxiety is incredible. It is uncontrollable trembling. My reading glasses are wobbling on my face. My ears are ringing and my head feels like it's going to explode. I can get ahold of (normal) anxiety but this is beyond my control. I took .175 mg if xanax but it didn't even take the edge off. 

I am just wondering if anybody increased their med at that high of dose (baby dose according to dr and pharmacist) and eventually stabilized. 

And also has anybody had the trembling?

Sleep is nonexistent even with lunesta which probably isn't working after 2 years. I don't want to stop it now and throw another W/D into the mix. My Fitbit didn't even register me going to bed last night. 

After almost 3 mo of this, I am frustrated and scared and back to square one. Well, I wish I was back to square one knowing what I know now!!

thanks

Share this post


Link to post
baroquep

Littlegrandma, sorry that you are having such difficulty, I know how hard it is as I had a really rough period at the beginning of the year and it took quite a long time for me to re-stabilize.

 

Unfortunately I am going to have to defer to a more experienced moderator regarding your particular situation but wanted to provide you with a few links that I think might be of some help.  

 

It would be helpful if you could clarify how much Xanax you are using daily and how often you are taking it.  I understand that you are no longer taking the Ativan but using Metoprolol for elevated blood pressure.  It is noteworthy that you seemed to feel better at 7.5mg and am concerned that you have had two rather large up-doses which have made things significantly worse.  If my understanding of your situation isn't clear, please provide the corrected information for the other moderators.

 

Have you been keeping a journal of your daily symptoms?  I know this will help the other moderators immensely.  If you haven’t already been doing this, I would suggest that you start to keep a daily log.  I’m attaching a link where you will find all of the information you’ll need to organize this. 

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen's Withdrawal Symptoms

 

I have read that many people experience tremors / shaking / body vibrations and am attaching a link that will take you to a discussion that might be of help.

 

Tremors / Shaking / Body Vibrations / Internal Trembling Discussion

 

I am also attaching a link to the Symptoms and Self Care forum that provides numerous links to various ways that you can explore to help ease your symptoms.

 

Symptoms and Self Care Forum

 

I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information as I remember when I first de-stabilized, I could barely comprehend even the simplest bit of information but encourage you to read as much as you can.  It really helped me to understand what was going on so I could take steps to anticipate and manage the symptoms as best I could. 

 

Just know that what you are experiencing right now is completely normal under the circumstances and I am sure that a more experienced moderator will be by soon to help you sort things out.  

 

Hoping that you are feeling better soon.

 

BaroqueP

 

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Baroquep 

i have been taking .175 mg of xanax x 4 day. It barely takes the edge off the tremors. But helps to settle a bit. I know without looking at my clock when the 4 hrs is up. 

I gave in and took .5 Ativan last night as I had no sleep the night before. I am awake 3 hours later with the trembling worse than ever. Not only is my whole body shaking but it feels like my brain is trembling. I am so nauseous with a huge headache. This is not the kind of anxiety you can breathe through. I don't know how much longer I can take this. It seems to get worse each day. I can barely choke food down and it doesn't want to stay down. 

Its 3 am and I just took another.5 Ativan. This is much more than I've been taking, so I don't think it's benzo w/d.  But it will be dependency soon cuz I can't lay in bed and shake all day. 

Every bone in my body and now my brain is trembling. I can barely walk. My legs are so wobbly. 

My worry has turned to fear. 

Oh, what did I do??

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Ps Bar

my heart rate is very high which I understand why, but my blood pressure rises significantly, even with the metoprolol. And without the xanax, it's at dangerous levels. Tremors is one horrible thing, but I'm afraid without a low dose of xanax, I'll have a stroke. My arms and hands are numb and my ears are ringing with pressure in my head and eyes. I can feel every vein in my body throbbing, especially temples and neck. 

Thanks for responding. 

Im terrified and sick of this!!!!

but......I don't believe my fear is exasperating the tremors. I think they are strictly drug related. Not to say I'm not checking out the relaxation links sent to me. I am. 

I cant get out and walk but I found working my arms with 5 lbs weights in slow motion is pretty relaxing and gets my breathing back on track

thank you!!!!!!!!'

I haven't read your thread yet. Sorry. How are you feeling now? This illness is making me pretty self centered. I've always been the care taker and right now I have nothing to give. So sad!!

Share this post


Link to post
direstraits

thanks for visiting my thread,Lg

 

wow,you read my whole thread? good for you...sounds like you're really suffering a lot,I'm so sorry...I hope you can get it all sorted out soon and it starts to get better for you...this is such a long and difficult journey but you will get better,just try to be patient and lean on everyone here for support.

my thoughts and prayers are with you...you can do it!

 

all the best,ds

xxx

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Thanks ds. I'm really scared right now. I'm mad at the dr that looked in the pdr before prescribing this crap to me. I'm mad at me for ever taking it. I'm mad at the happy smiling faces enjoying their summer. I'm mad that the Harley sits covered in the garage. I'm mad my cns cant tolerate visits from my grandkids and the fact that my daughter has to find alternate daycare. 

Im just soooo afraid that this will not end soon or end well!!!

thanks for visiting. I hope you're feeling well today. That would be a blessing for both of us. But 3 yrs...

geeeesh!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
powerback
8 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

Thanks ds. I'm really scared right now. I'm mad at the dr that looked in the pdr before prescribing this crap to me. I'm mad at me for ever taking it. I'm mad at the happy smiling faces enjoying their summer. I'm mad that the Harley sits covered in the garage. I'm mad my cns cant tolerate visits from my grandkids and the fact that my daughter has to find alternate daycare. 

Im just soooo afraid that this will not end soon or end well!!!

thanks for visiting. I hope you're feeling well today. That would be a blessing for both of us. But 3 yrs...

geeeesh!!!!

Hi LG,i feel for you in this time of suffering ,it really is  cruel for us ,but we got to keep fighting for our future and especially your grandkids ,save them from the idiot doctors that remain ignorant to the destructive power of these drugs .believe you will get back on that Harley .I question even writing this optimism [nuero doubt I like to think].

I really sympathise about watching others enjoying life ,but I like to flip it and about getting through adversity and I'm going to plan something for next summer to give me  something to aim for .

respect

PB

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Thanks PB

i really appreciate your support. I wish we could all sit in a dark dorm room together to lean on each other. This is lonely and scary. 

I told my brother yesterday that I may not make it to his son's wedding in December. How's that for optimism? But 3 mo and I'm back to square one and feeling worse everyday. 

Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it. I hope you can find some moments of peace today!

lg

Share this post


Link to post
powerback

Ouch ye it so hard to look forward with optimism ,I have a little break coming up soon and all my focus is trying to be ok for it and when to do the next taper so I mite be ok to go ,I have to fly .but I'm determined because I will visit my little niece and she fills a man with a lot of pain and suffering with joy :D.

peace

PB

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

That is so cute. Gotta love a sensitive man!! Under "normal" conditions, kids make everything better. I hope today is a good day for you!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

I feel like such a dope. I was going to drop my lunesta tonight since I've added xanax and Ativan into the mix. I didn't realize there could be wd, just rebound insomnia. I want all this sh$t out of me, now!!

Do the mods think it would be too much at this point to start tapering with everything else going on?  I only take it out of habit, hoping it'll do something to give me relief. It doesn't work this far out. I've been taking 2 mg for a little over 2 yrs. 

i will never trust a dr again. I need to get off these meds so I can think for myself!!

Share this post


Link to post
powerback
21 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

That is so cute. Gotta love a sensitive man!! Under "normal" conditions, kids make everything better. I hope today is a good day for you!!!

:D I've worked hard on letting the good part of me out and dumb down the demon .Eckhart tolles teachings on the Ego has helped me control the pessimistic demon .

Share this post


Link to post
powerback
20 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

I feel like such a dope. I was going to drop my lunesta tonight since I've added xanax and Ativan into the mix. I didn't realize there could be wd, just rebound insomnia. I want all this sh$t out of me, now!!

Do the mods think it would be too much at this point to start tapering with everything else going on?  I only take it out of habit, hoping it'll do something to give me relief. It doesn't work this far out. I've been taking 2 mg for a little over 2 yrs. 

i will never trust a dr again. I need to get off these meds so I can think for myself!!

i will never trust a dr again. I need to get off these meds so I can think for myself!!.

I couldn't agree more

PB

Share this post


Link to post
Altostrata
On 8/17/2017 at 11:04 PM, Altostrata said:

Welcome, LIttlegrandma.

 

What times of day do you take each drug, and at what dosage? Do you get all your bad symptoms from interdose withdrawal from the Ativan?

 

Please keep daily notes on paper about your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages.

 

If you experience rebound anxiety from Ativan, you are already physiologically dependent on it. You might be able to get away with a minimal dose on a regular schedule. Please be very regular in your dosing so we can track where symptoms are coming from.

 

As you know, you'll have to taper off Ativan later, but my guess is 10mg Lexapro is too much for you. It's not a good idea to change 2 drugs at once, that confuses things immensely. While you're keeping the Ativan steady, we can discuss reducing the Lexapro, which may well be causing the blood pressure and insomnia and other symptoms of activation.

 

Littlegrandma, I still need to know what times of day you take EACH drug, and the dosages.

 

Which drugs have you changed recently? Please stop changing your drugs. This confuses the situation too much.

 

Do your symptoms get worse at any particular time of day? Are you keeping daily notes on paper? Do your heartbeat or blood pressure increase at any particular time of day?

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Thank you for replies. Sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner. I was inpatient for 6 days after a week of tests at Mayo. 

They brought my lexapro dose down pretty quick. I went in at 10 mg. They took it down to 9 mg for 3 days, 7.5 for 2 days, and finally 5 mg which is where I've been for 6 days now. They also put me on a steady dose of Ativan.5 mg x 3 daily. 

I know it was a fast reduction but was desperate to stop the trembling that lasted for nearly 3 months. It seemed to do the trick. I feel better today than I have in a long time. I have slight flu symptoms still and anxiety, but am cautiously optimistic for the first time in a long time. 

I think I will hangout at 5 mg for awhile and hopefully enjoy some fall weather. The summer was a bust. 

Thank you for your time and input. You all go above and beyond!!

i appreciate it, littlegrandma

Share this post


Link to post
ChessieCat

Hi LG,

 

I'm glad you are feeling some relief.  Please remember to update your signature so it remains current.  Thank you.  Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

Just in case you aren't aware, Ativan is a benzo.  You can become dependent on it in as little as 2 weeks.  You may need to taper it.

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Wishful thinking that I was going to be the one that got better and better and walk happily into the sunset. I guess yesterday was my first windows. It was awesome!

 Woke up this morning with slight trembling, after a restless night. Also headache and diarrhea. 

 Saw eye dr yesterday because of eye pressure and pain. Just extremely dry eyes. 

 ChessieCat, I am aware that Ativan is a benzo, and did get a taper schedule. I thought that the lex W/D would settle down and I could begin that taper while I held lex at 5 mg. Now with the trembling back, probably not yet. 

 Oh, when will this end? 

Thanks, lg

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

Trembling getting worse. My heart is racing and bpm up to 110. I am so cold and shivering under a pile of blankets. Is it the drug or the withdrawal doing this? 

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma

I need some advice please. It's only been 8 days since I dropped lexapro dose from 10 mg to 5. But after I updosed a few times back to 10 mg a few months ago, I was desperate to get rid of the trembling and high heart rate. 

I was taken from 10 to 9 to 7.5 and finally to 5 mg under supervision of Mayo doctors. 

Well, the trembling is back and my BPM is pretty consistent at 110. 

I know I've messed up and added other meds into the mix, but it's too late to change that now. 

I guess my question is, do you think the wd symptoms will settle down shortly since I've not tapered off completely? 

I think I'm probably stuck waiting it out. 

I also have the flu symptoms and constant migraine. 

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that this will settle in time. Any advice or support is greatly appreciated. 

Thanks

Share this post


Link to post
kangamangus

Hi Littlegrandma,

        Sorry to hear you are suffering :( You are in good company here though. I hope one of the mods will be able to give you some better advice, but I am of the opinion that you have changed too many things too recently. I have also changed up my meds quite a bit in the past few months and I believe I am paying the price for it now. I think its a good sign that you were feeling better on Tuesday, as that likely means you were experiencing a "window". Trust me I know how frustrating it can be to feel better one day, and then right back down into the pit the next. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that your post was heard and that I am rooting for you to get better. Hang in there.

 

Kang

Share this post


Link to post
Littlegrandma
1 hour ago, kangamangus said:

Hi Littlegrandma,

        Sorry to hear you are suffering :( You are in good company here though. I hope one of the mods will be able to give you some better advice, but I am of the opinion that you have changed too many things too recently. I have also changed up my meds quite a bit in the past few months and I believe I am paying the price for it now. I think its a good sign that you were feeling better on Tuesday, as that likely means you were experiencing a "window". Trust me I know how frustrating it can be to feel better one day, and then right back down into the pit the next. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that your post was heard and that I am rooting for you to get better. Hang in there.

 

Kang

Thanks Kang

i read your posts earlier this evening. I wanted to reply as I saw so much of your history has mirrored mine. I am just so foggy brained right now, I have nothing intelligent to say. Lol

but I so appreciate your support..w/d is a very lonely place to be. 

And I am rooting for you!! We can do this!!

thanks, lg

Share this post


Link to post
kangamangus

I totally understand the foggy brain! Thank you :)

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy