Littlegrandma

[JS11]

Hey Little Grandma,

me again.  I do so love to say your name.  Just makes me smile.  I was reading of your plight and yes, we do sound similar in many aspects, though I've only heard of the Mayo clinic, not been treated there.  My gosh.  The heart rate must be very scary.  Mine was up like a rabbit during one of the numerous medicines I popped in my gullet.  Scary stuff!  I don't know what to say, just I'm sorry that you have had to endure all this. Just rotten all the way around.

 

I am looking forward to Fall too.  It is my favorite.  Oh, we will see the beautiful colors....I don't know about jumping in  any leaves,  think it would do me in at present.  But you never know?

take care,

JS

[Altostrata]

6 hours ago, Littlegrandma said:

I need some advice please. It's only been 8 days since I dropped lexapro dose from 10 mg to 5. But after I updosed a few times back to 10 mg a few months ago, I was desperate to get rid of the trembling and high heart rate. 

I was taken from 10 to 9 to 7.5 and finally to 5 mg under supervision of Mayo doctors. 

Well, the trembling is back and my BPM is pretty consistent at 110. 

I know I've messed up and added other meds into the mix, but it's too late to change that now. 

I guess my question is, do you think the wd symptoms will settle down shortly since I've not tapered off completely? 

I think I'm probably stuck waiting it out. 

I also have the flu symptoms and constant migraine. 

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that this will settle in time. Any advice or support is greatly appreciated. 

Thanks

 

Littlegrandma, are you still under the supervision of the Mayo Clinic doctors? Have you told them about your symptoms? What did they say?

 

What other drugs are you taking now?

 

I've never know Mayo to be particularly knowledgeable about tapering psychiatric drugs or withdrawal symptoms. They don't have any magic spells. It seems you have a withdrawal reaction again. 

[Littlegrandma]

3 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Littlegrandma, are you still under the supervision of the Mayo Clinic doctors? Have you told them about your symptoms? What did they say?

 

What other drugs are you taking now?

 

I've never know Mayo to be particularly knowledgeable about tapering psychiatric drugs or withdrawal symptoms. They don't have any magic spells. It seems you have a withdrawal reaction again. 

 

[Littlegrandma]

No alto. I'm not under their care anymore. They, or insurance, released me after 6 days inpatient. 

Theyre instructions were to drop lexapro, 5 mg to 2.5 for a week. Then discontinue. 

Then I was to taper Ativan, . 5 mg for 3 wks. Then discontinue. 

At 7 am I take Ativan .5 mg

                           Toprol 25 mg

     2 pm.            Ativan .5

      9 pm.            Lex 5 mg

                            Ativan .5

     10 pm.            Lunesta 2 mg

I shave been sleeping pretty decent from 11 pm til 4, when I wake with racing heart and tremors. I sleep with mask, ear plugs and sound machine, but still get the cortisol wake up call. 

 I know no doctors are knowledgeable about psych meds. My extended family urged me to go because Mayo is knowledgeable in most areas and we're sure they could fix me. My family thinks they're brilliant for bringing me down to half the dose. I could have done that!!

thanks alto, lg

[Littlegrandma]

5 hours ago, JS11 said:

Hey Little Grandma,

me again.  I do so love to say your name.  Just makes me smile.  I was reading of your plight and yes, we do sound similar in many aspects, though I've only heard of the Mayo clinic, not been treated there.  My gosh.  The heart rate must be very scary.  Mine was up like a rabbit during one of the numerous medicines I popped in my gullet.  Scary stuff!  I don't know what to say, just I'm sorry that you have had to endure all this. Just rotten all the way around.

 

I am looking forward to Fall too.  It is my favorite.  Oh, we will see the beautiful colors....I don't know about jumping in  any leaves,  think it would do me in at present.  But you never know?

take care,

JS

 

[Littlegrandma]

JS

your way with words makes me smile. You must be brilliant when your brain is not foggy, and a blast to be around!!

i appreciate you checking in on me. This is such a lonely and scary time. My family doesn't understand why I can't pull myself up by my bootstraps. I wish it were that easy!!

thanks, lg

[kangamangus]

Hey LG, hope you are feeling a bit better today  

[Littlegrandma]

Thanks Kang. 

Anxiety high but holding on. When my son stopped by and dragged me out of the house to run errands with him, I actually was distracted from the anxiety a bit. So, I know what I have to do but still rather hole up in the comfort of my house. 

I am watching my 1 and 4 yr old grand babies today. If I can make it through that, I know I will be ok. Ha 

 I saw you upped your dose of Zoloft and got some relief. I'm so glad. I hope that's the magic number and you can stabilize til you can start the taper again. 🤞🏻

I hope today is great for you, lg

[direstraits]

hi lg,

I hope you do OK with the grandkids...I know how stressful that can be when we're not feeling good.

wishing you well....ds

[Scorpio]

On 09/09/2017 at 0:52 AM, Littlegrandma said:

I need some advice please. It's only been 8 days since I dropped lexapro dose from 10 mg to 5. But after I updosed a few times back to 10 mg a few months ago, I was desperate to get rid of the trembling and high heart rate. 

I was taken from 10 to 9 to 7.5 and finally to 5 mg under supervision of Mayo doctors. 

Well, the trembling is back and my BPM is pretty consistent at 110. 

I know I've messed up and added other meds into the mix, but it's too late to change that now. 

I guess my question is, do you think the wd symptoms will settle down shortly since I've not tapered off completely? 

I think I'm probably stuck waiting it out. 

I also have the flu symptoms and constant migraine. 

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that this will settle in time. Any advice or support is greatly appreciated. 

Thanks

Hello little grandma

just to say we have the same dreaded lexapro to deal with although in U.K. We call it cipralex.  Hang on and a mod will help you soon.  I totally understand what you are going through as have been having the same nightmare situations. I have been 8 weeks  trying to stabilise .  I have a small window and then it goes to be replaced by all those horrible symptoms. Last Thursday and Friday I thought I would never be able to cope then woke up Saturday to no anxiety, nausea, etc etc and it lasted until today. Now back to all the horrible symptoms again. I was even sleeping from 11 to 6. My husband had to have an emergency doctor Sunday and I could feel the stress knock my system so can understand why I have fallen down again, not that it makes it any easier. 

Windows will come back for both of us and they will get longer and stronger. 

Keep going

On 10/09/2017 at 4:52 PM, Shep said:

 

 

 

 

[bubble]

Scorpio, nice to see you visiting our Littlegrandma since you both seem to be grannies looking after gran babies (and tapering Lexapro/cipralex).

 

You are both showing a great attitude and you will beat this.

[Scorpio]

1 hour ago, bubble said:

Scorpio, nice to see you visiting our Littlegrandma since you both seem to be grannies looking after gran babies (and tapering Lexapro/cipralex).

 

You are both showing a great attitude and you will beat this.

Hi bubble 

thank you for your kind words and I found such support from you and others on here it made me realise how important it is to help each other. Now if only this horrible wave could go I would by really happy. 

[kangamangus]

7 hours ago, Littlegrandma said:

Thanks Kang. 

Anxiety high but holding on. When my son stopped by and dragged me out of the house to run errands with him, I actually was distracted from the anxiety a bit. So, I know what I have to do but still rather hole up in the comfort of my house. 

I am watching my 1 and 4 yr old grand babies today. If I can make it through that, I know I will be ok. Ha 

 I saw you upped your dose of Zoloft and got some relief. I'm so glad. I hope that's the magic number and you can stabilize til you can start the taper again. 🤞🏻

I hope today is great for you, lg

Thank you, so far so good today

I'm happy to hear that you were able to distract yourself from the anxiety a bit, and I know what you mean about the comfort of your house. You can control what happens there for the most part and it makes it easier to handle the stress and anxiety. Good luck with the grandkids! I hope they will be a good distraction for you. And you're right, if you can handle that you can handle anything  

Hope your day is great too 

Kang

[jkun41]

8 hours ago, Littlegrandma said:

Thanks Kang. 

Anxiety high but holding on. When my son stopped by and dragged me out of the house to run errands with him, I actually was distracted from the anxiety a bit. So, I know what I have to do but still rather hole up in the comfort of my house. 

I am watching my 1 and 4 yr old grand babies today. If I can make it through that, I know I will be ok. Ha 

 I saw you upped your dose of Zoloft and got some relief. I'm so glad. I hope that's the magic number and you can stabilize til you can start the taper again. 🤞🏻

I hope today is great for you, lg

 

Hi Lg. I just wanted to say I admire your ability to push through and watch your grand kids during this difficult time. I'm currently going through a pretty bad wave and my daughter started kindergarten last week. I've been feeling pretty crappy and selfish being so focussed on how I've been feeling while she starts this new adventure.

[Littlegrandma]

4 hours ago, jkun41 said:

 

Hi Lg. I just wanted to say I admire your ability to push through and watch your grand kids during this difficult time. I'm currently going through a pretty bad wave and my daughter started kindergarten last week. I've been feeling pretty crappy and selfish being so focussed on how I've been feeling while she starts this new adventure.

 

[Littlegrandma]

Oh jk, I haven't really been pushing through. Today was the first day in 3 mo on my own with my grand babies. My husband has used up most of his vacation days and I've had help with other family. 

But today was great..... I had a couple hour window and I ran with it. We fed the ducks, picked a bag of about 500 acorns, had lunch at McDonald's and played in the yard. I have them again tomorrow and hope it goes as well. 

I admire you taking care of a kindergartner full time. I can barely take care of myself. This is so unfair to you and I'm sorry you're in the middle of this nightmare. This should be the best time of life for you and your daughter. My 4 year old granddaughter has been having a tough time dealing with all this. Kids are so intuitive and she's especially emotional right now. She's been my sidekick for 4 1/2 years and not handle all this change very well. But they're young. They'll bounce back. 

Thanks for your kind words. I'll come visit you on your thread. Lg

[Littlegrandma]

12 hours ago, direstraits said:

hi lg,

I hope you do OK with the grandkids...I know how stressful that can be when we're not feeling good.

wishing you well....ds

 

[Littlegrandma]

Hi ds

it was great after the first couple hours.....after the cortisol rush and anxiety settled down. I had a part of my old life back and was so grateful for it. We sure made up for lost time. It makes me want to fight even harder, if fighting harder does anything. These new symptoms keeping popping in out of the blue. 

Thanks so much for checking in. 

I wanted to come visit with you anyway as I was thinking about you last week when I was at the eye doc. My eye pain, pressure and blurriness was just getting worse every day. Figured something bad was going on. But the tests all came out ok. But she said I had extremely dry eyes. Said to use hydrating drops 4 or 5 times a day, use warm moist compresses and wash the lash lines with a washcloth and johnsons baby shampoo. That can rid of any possible bacteria.  It really does help. Hasn't eliminated the problem completely but takes the edge off. Especially with the blurry vision. 

Hope you're doing ok. And again thanks for checking in. It means a lot to me. Lg

[Littlegrandma]

11 hours ago, Scorpio said:

Hello little grandma

just to say we have the same dreaded lexapro to deal with although in U.K. We call it cipralex.  Hang on and a mod will help you soon.  I totally understand what you are going through as have been having the same nightmare situations. I have been 8 weeks  trying to stabilise .  I have a small window and then it goes to be replaced by all those horrible symptoms. Last Thursday and Friday I thought I would never be able to cope then woke up Saturday to no anxiety, nausea, etc etc and it lasted until today. Now back to all the horrible symptoms again. I was even sleeping from 11 to 6. My husband had to have an emergency doctor Sunday and I could feel the stress knock my system so can understand why I have fallen down again, not that it makes it any easier. 

Windows will come back for both of us and they will get longer and stronger. 

Keep going

 

 

[Littlegrandma]

Oh Scorpio, thanks for stopping by. It truly is a nightmare. I guess I don't really need a mod at this time. I know I just have to wait this out. I do have short windows on a daily basis now that give me hope. But as you know, they are fleeting and makes me sad for my life I'm missing. 

Its funny how these waves just become your life. I can't say I've accepted them but I'm coping and a couple months ago I didn't think I could survive this. 

Im glad you had a good long window. That's got to be a good sign!! Any stress can screw it up and you had major stress. I hope your husband is ok. 

It means a lot to me that you stopped by. A couple months ago I was alone in this W/D with no understanding of what the hell was going on with me. I hate to say misery loves company, but if it were not for the understanding of this whole process I get thru SA, I'd be way worse off than I am now.....

if I would even be alive at all. 

Thank you Scorpio. I will stop by and read your story. I wish you all the best.  Lg

[JS11]

On 9/9/2017 at 3:05 AM, Littlegrandma said:

JS

your way with words makes me smile. You must be brilliant when your brain is not foggy, and a blast to be around!!

i appreciate you checking in on me. This is such a lonely and scary time. My family doesn't understand why I can't pull myself up by my bootstraps. I wish it were that easy!!

thanks, lg

You sure know how to make me feel better.  Just what I needed again.  My brain is rather mushy at the moment, however, and lonely and scared?  So very much this day.  A little less when talking to new friends on here.  What and the hell does it mean to pull one's self up by the bootstraps.  If you think about it, it really doesn't make sense, I mean, yank.  You would just cut off your circulation or impede your steps somehow.  I must find out about this...do love word origins.  It may mean something totally different.  I may now think of it as the "bootstrap look."  You know the one.  I am not thinking happy thoughts about this.  Guilt, shame, disdain.  The trifecta.  I am getting decidedly maudlin.  We are going to conquer this.  We have to.  

I believe I am going to hit the proverbial hay.  Hope that my fairy Godmother comes down and bops me with her wand so that when I wake up, it will all have been a very bad dream.   Yes, I was raised on Walt Disney.  Sigh.  

Night Little Grandma

Hope you are well.  And bootstraps be damned.  Unless for fashion purposes or some such thing....

take care,

JS.  

[Scorpio]

3 hours ago, Littlegrandma said:

Oh Scorpio, thanks for stopping by. It truly is a nightmare. I guess I don't really need a mod at this time. I know I just have to wait this out. I do have short windows on a daily basis now that give me hope. But as you know, they are fleeting and makes me sad for my life I'm missing. 

Its funny how these waves just become your life. I can't say I've accepted them but I'm coping and a couple months ago I didn't think I could survive this. 

Im glad you had a good long window. That's got to be a good sign!! Any stress can screw it up and you had major stress. I hope your husband is ok. 

It means a lot to me that you stopped by. A couple months ago I was alone in this W/D with no understanding of what the hell was going on with me. I hate to say misery loves company, but if it were not for the understanding of this whole process I get thru SA, I'd be way worse off than I am now.....

if I would even be alive at all. 

Thank you Scorpio. I will stop by and read your story. I wish you all the best.  Lg

Hello lg

thank you for your reply. It's lovely to be able to share these horrible times with people that have complete understanding. 

I think you did brilliantly yesterday being able to look after your grandchildren and that you had a small window I look after my 10 month grandson but it can be very difficult during a wave can't it  although he does make me have to cope even though I think I pay for it later. 

I also have dry eyes and was given eye drops about a month ago.  My anxiety floods in early in the morning which makes facing the day so hard. 

Hope you manage today with your beautiful babies again. 

 

[Littlegrandma]

4 hours ago, Scorpio said:

Hello lg

thank you for your reply. It's lovely to be able to share these horrible times with people that have complete understanding. 

I think you did brilliantly yesterday being able to look after your grandchildren and that you had a small window I look after my 10 month grandson but it can be very difficult during a wave can't it  although he does make me have to cope even though I think I pay for it later. 

I also have dry eyes and was given eye drops about a month ago.  My anxiety floods in early in the morning which makes facing the day so hard. 

Hope you manage today with your beautiful babies again. 

 

 

[Littlegrandma]

I hate 4 am, Scorpio!!!! The anxiety makes me want to move but I'm so tired, I pray to fall back to sleep. I know that'll never happen. 

The trembling anxiety is worse today. I guess I did overdo it with the babies yesterday. So sad and terrifying. I know I have to get thru another day and I have 5 hrs til I have to pick them up, so maybe things will settle down a bit. 

Do you watch your grandson everyday? I have my babies just a few days a week. It was a 12 hour shift til recently. My daughter has a new local job and no longer has to commute to Chicago. So I have them at noon til their dad picks them up at 8. I am so grateful for my husband who jumps in to help as soon as he's home from work at 4. He's been cooking all the meals. He even helps with kids baths. 

I hate that everything has become so difficult. I feel like the child. But I'm so lucky to have a loving and patient husband. 

Anyway, I'm rambling. Thanks again for checking in. Lg

[Littlegrandma]

5 hours ago, JS11 said:

You sure know how to make me feel better.  Just what I needed again.  My brain is rather mushy at the moment, however, and lonely and scared?  So very much this day.  A little less when talking to new friends on here.  What and the hell does it mean to pull one's self up by the bootstraps.  If you think about it, it really doesn't make sense, I mean, yank.  You would just cut off your circulation or impede your steps somehow.  I must find out about this...do love word origins.  It may mean something totally different.  I may now think of it as the "bootstrap look."  You know the one.  I am not thinking happy thoughts about this.  Guilt, shame, disdain.  The trifecta.  I am getting decidedly maudlin.  We are going to conquer this.  We have to.  

I believe I am going to hit the proverbial hay.  Hope that my fairy Godmother comes down and bops me with her wand so that when I wake up, it will all have been a very bad dream.   Yes, I was raised on Walt Disney.  Sigh.  

Night Little Grandma

Hope you are well.  And bootstraps be damned.  Unless for fashion purposes or some such thing....

take care,

JS.  

 

[Littlegrandma]

Yeah, I don't know where my mom got this expression but I love trying to act it out to my friends. If you pulled yourself up by the bootstraps, wouldn't you fall flat on your face? I guess I have!!

sorry you're feeling low. I'm also scared. My patience is running low. I'm grateful for any window, but the windows are just better, not good. I'm having doubts that life will ever be good. 

JS, hope you got decent sleep and that today will be a good one for you. Lg

[Scorpio]

2 hours ago, Littlegrandma said:

I hate 4 am, Scorpio!!!! The anxiety makes me want to move but I'm so tired, I pray to fall back to sleep. I know that'll never happen. 

The trembling anxiety is worse today. I guess I did overdo it with the babies yesterday. So sad and terrifying. I know I have to get thru another day and I have 5 hrs til I have to pick them up, so maybe things will settle down a bit. 

Do you watch your grandson everyday? I have my babies just a few days a week. It was a 12 hour shift til recently. My daughter has a new local job and no longer has to commute to Chicago. So I have them at noon til their dad picks them up at 8. I am so grateful for my husband who jumps in to help as soon as he's home from work at 4. He's been cooking all the meals. He even helps with kids baths. 

I hate that everything has become so difficult. I feel like the child. But I'm so lucky to have a loving and patient husband. 

Anyway, I'm rambling. Thanks again for checking in. Lg

Hi lg

i am keeping my fingers crossed that you managed to get some more sleep. You sound like me that dreaded awakening when your whole body is begging for sleep but your brain just won't let you rest. I m so sorry you get the trembling to go with it, I had that when first put on this evil drug and it took four months before the first window. I get awful nausea that just won't leave me, awful dragging pain in bowels plus other unpleasant effects. 

'My daughter is on semi maternity leave but works from home 2 or 3 days a week so I tend to go there and look after Jude although now she is starting to go into the office at least once or twice a week. Her husband has him on Tuesdays which is his day off and I cover the other times. My husband retired a couple of weeks ago but as you will from my thread he has been unwell ever since, our holiday cancelled due to me being in an awful wave and too unstable and then he joined in!  My daughter and family have been in Tenerife for the past week they come home tomorrow evening.  It has given me some time out but this wave is horrible so getting nowhere. She has to go to London to attend about three different meetings over the next couple of weeks so will be having long days looking after him. Thankfully my husband will be home and although not a natural babysitter tries to help. He doesn't cook, will have to tackle that when stronger I think.  It will be big changes having him around all the time I also worked from home for the past two years while been going through this nightmare of a drug. Like you I had no idea what was happening to me until I found SA. 

I, like you, was always the carer, giver, organiser, social person but two years ago it was all turned on its head but inside I know I am still there the same as you. Hopefully we will both stabilise soon to at lest get back some independence. 

I am keeping everything crossed your day gets better and you get a window with your beautiful grandchildren. 

[Littlegrandma]

40 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

Hi lg

i am keeping my fingers crossed that you managed to get some more sleep. You sound like me that dreaded awakening when your whole body is begging for sleep but your brain just won't let you rest. I m so sorry you get the trembling to go with it, I had that when first put on this evil drug and it took four months before the first window. I get awful nausea that just won't leave me, awful dragging pain in bowels plus other unpleasant effects. 

'My daughter is on semi maternity leave but works from home 2 or 3 days a week so I tend to go there and look after Jude although now she is starting to go into the office at least once or twice a week. Her husband has him on Tuesdays which is his day off and I cover the other times. My husband retired a couple of weeks ago but as you will from my thread he has been unwell ever since, our holiday cancelled due to me being in an awful wave and too unstable and then he joined in!  My daughter and family have been in Tenerife for the past week they come home tomorrow evening.  It has given me some time out but this wave is horrible so getting nowhere. She has to go to London to attend about three different meetings over the next couple of weeks so will be having long days looking after him. Thankfully my husband will be home and although not a natural babysitter tries to help. He doesn't cook, will have to tackle that when stronger I think.  It will be big changes having him around all the time I also worked from home for the past two years while been going through this nightmare of a drug. Like you I had no idea what was happening to me until I found SA. 

I, like you, was always the carer, giver, organiser, social person but two years ago it was all turned on its head but inside I know I am still there the same as you. Hopefully we will both stabilise soon to at lest get back some independence. 

I am keeping everything crossed your day gets better and you get a window with your beautiful grandchildren. 

Thanks Scorpio

i started reading your thread and it brought out increased anxiety, so I'll have to read it and get back to you later. I'm sooooo sorry you are suffering. I hate this!! I want my simple little life back. I know I will never take it for granted again when I come out of this hell!!

lg

[Scorpio]

1 hour ago, Littlegrandma said:

Thanks Scorpio

i started reading your thread and it brought out increased anxiety, so I'll have to read it and get back to you later. I'm sooooo sorry you are suffering. I hate this!! I want my simple little life back. I know I will never take it for granted again when I come out of this hell!!

lg

Hi lg

i am so sorry if I triggered more anxiety that was certainly not something intended. I hope you are ok and manage to enjoy your day. Big hugs 

[direstraits]

hi,Lg

thanks for thinking of me when you went to the eye doc...I'll have to try these,thanks,,,mine is my left eye that's so blurry,it really worries me but I really think it's WD related....someday I'll get them checked.

I'm glad your visit w/ the grandkids went well..sometimes just being around them can lift our spirits and make us feel better.

I hope today goes well for you,you're in my thoughts.

love from ds   xx

13 hours ago, Littlegrandma said:

Hi ds

it was great after the first couple hours.....after the cortisol rush and anxiety settled down. I had a part of my old life back and was so grateful for it. We sure made up for lost time. It makes me want to fight even harder, if fighting harder does anything. These new symptoms keeping popping in out of the blue. 

Thanks so much for checking in. 

I wanted to come visit with you anyway as I was thinking about you last week when I was at the eye doc. My eye pain, pressure and blurriness was just getting worse every day. Figured something bad was going on. But the tests all came out ok. But she said I had extremely dry eyes. Said to use hydrating drops 4 or 5 times a day, use warm moist compresses and wash the lash lines with a washcloth and johnsons baby shampoo. That can rid of any possible bacteria.  It really does help. Hasn't eliminated the problem completely but takes the edge off. Especially with the blurry vision. 

Hope you're doing ok. And again thanks for checking in. It means a lot to me. Lg

 

[Littlegrandma]

10 hours ago, Scorpio said:

Hi lg

i am so sorry if I triggered more anxiety that was certainly not something intended. I hope you are ok and manage to enjoy your day. Big hugs 

 

[Littlegrandma]

Scorpio, I need to apologize before I can even think of getting any sleep. You're post did trigger anxiety but anybody's would have at that moment in time. Yours was just the one I happen to chose to read. 

I am just so sad for you and scared for all of us. I apologize if I came off as a B.

I've recently come to the realization that it will take years for my brain to recover and it scares me. My therapist tonight concurred w/ me. I have been putting prescription and illegal drugs into my brain for 40 plus years. She says I will heal but it may take a long time. Her advice is no different than what I've been reading on this forum. Diet, exercise, (slowly), don't isolate, breathing, relaxation tech, cbt. She gave me great advise on where to start and will go over more next Monday. I like that she gives me homework to hold me accountable. 

Anyway, I meant no offense to you but came off sounding rude. I care about everything you have to say. It's you're life and you're trying, as I am , to get all the support you can. That's what this forum is all about. Just caught me on the worst day of w/d yet and I don't have a clue what the hell happened to me today. 

The good news is my therapist is going to look up this forum. She's open minded even though she's never had a patient with symptoms as severe as mine. But she said it makes perfect sense with my history of drug use and anxiety. 

I need a hug. Thanks Scorpio...lg

[Scorpio]

14 hours ago, Littlegrandma said:

Scorpio, I need to apologize before I can even think of getting any sleep. You're post did trigger anxiety but anybody's would have at that moment in time. Yours was just the one I happen to chose to read. 

I am just so sad for you and scared for all of us. I apologize if I came off as a B.

I've recently come to the realization that it will take years for my brain to recover and it scares me. My therapist tonight concurred w/ me. I have been putting prescription and illegal drugs into my brain for 40 plus years. She says I will heal but it may take a long time. Her advice is no different than what I've been reading on this forum. Diet, exercise, (slowly), don't isolate, breathing, relaxation tech, cbt. She gave me great advise on where to start and will go over more next Monday. I like that she gives me homework to hold me accountable. 

Anyway, I meant no offense to you but came off sounding rude. I care about everything you have to say. It's you're life and you're trying, as I am , to get all the support you can. That's what this forum is all about. Just caught me on the worst day of w/d yet and I don't have a clue what the hell happened to me today. 

The good news is my therapist is going to look up this forum. She's open minded even though she's never had a patient with symptoms as severe as mine. But she said it makes perfect sense with my history of drug use and anxiety. 

I need a hug. Thanks Scorpio...lg

Hi lg

please don't  apologise it is not necessary.  I understand exactly what you are saying and am much the same way. I tend not to read too much as it scares me to death too. I went into a terrible wave since I woke this morning the anxiety is through the roof and won't give me any peace. So I'm sorry this is a short reply. I am so pleased you are getting some support from your therapist just knowing someone understands is such a bonus. 

'I will write again when I can

big hugs 

[kangamangus]

Hey LG, how are you?

 

[Littlegrandma]

18 hours ago, kangamangus said:

Hey LG, how are you?

 

Hey Kang 

Thanks for checking in

im feeling pretty bad right now. It's been 18 days since I lowered lex by 50%. Anxiety still really high even tho I'm on Ativan x 3 day. I so regret ever starting it. I just did what the hospital said. Idiot!!

im about ready to throw all the bottles of meds in the trash...rip the bandaid off. 

The anxiety is the kind accompanied by nausea, headaches, wobbly legs, fog. 

My depression is increasing. And I'm getting more and more scared. 

Im wondering if there is relief or an end to all of this. 

My family needs me and I just want my life back!! I've had my grandkids the last 5 days including overnight last night til 4 today. That took a lot out of me. But I want some normalcy in my life. 

Sorry to be such a downer but it is what it is. And you asked. lol 

Haven't been on SA last several days. How are you doing with the updose? I hope you have found some relief. 

Thx lg

[kangamangus]

56 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

Hey Kang 

Thanks for checking in

im feeling pretty bad right now. It's been 18 days since I lowered lex by 50%. Anxiety still really high even tho I'm on Ativan x 3 day. I so regret ever starting it. I just did what the hospital said. Idiot!!

im about ready to throw all the bottles of meds in the trash...rip the bandaid off. 

The anxiety is the kind accompanied by nausea, headaches, wobbly legs, fog. 

My depression is increasing. And I'm getting more and more scared. 

Im wondering if there is relief or an end to all of this. 

My family needs me and I just want my life back!! I've had my grandkids the last 5 days including overnight last night til 4 today. That took a lot out of me. But I want some normalcy in my life. 

Sorry to be such a downer but it is what it is. And you asked. lol 

Haven't been on SA last several days. How are you doing with the updose? I hope you have found some relief. 

Thx lg

Sorry to hear that  You aren't an idiot for doing what the hospital said, don't even say that. You needed help and did what any person would do, listen to their doctor. It's so not your fault. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I can really relate though. My updose is going okay, my depression levels are down a little bit, but my DP/DR and physical symptoms are ramping up a bit. Nothing I can't handle so far. Hang in there, you are in my thoughts.