gunei: introducing myself here

[gunei]

Over three years ago I tapered off my psych meds using conventional doctor's advice - it's safe as long as the taper is at least 3 weeks. That was for sertraline. I took 8 weeks for olanzapine. There were 5 month between the tapers. 

 

I was doing well in my career. I was one semester into a competitive international grad program in my field. I was busy. I didn't think to research tapering (like I research everything else in life) until afterwards - until all the withdrawal symptoms and illnesses came to me. I started looking for info at mad in america. Posted in one of the forums there and someone recommended this site. I signed up here at surviving antidepressants in 2015, looking for answers, help, anything. But as I read post after post, I felt like I didn't fit in. So many people were in the process of tapering... or struggling to taper... I had finished. Months ago. And I was seriously ill. Over at MIA someone said, "You tapered off too fast." Well, yes. Of course I know that now. But it was too late. By that time I'd been off for a year. My health had deteriorated and wasn't getting better. I wanted to know what happens to people who are finished tapering but have protracted withdrawal and chronic illness. I was too sick and didn't have the energy at the time to sort through posts here. So I never introduced myself. 

 

Now it's 2017 and a notification email prompted me to come back. So here I am, finally telling my story in this space.

 

In hind sight, it seems odd that I've had such severe withdrawal, yet seemingly tapered easily. As I've thought about it, I know that from the trauma of being raised in a cult, I can slip into the "do something just because an 'authority' tells me to do it" mode. A medical doctor says, "taper of in 3 weeks" and I taper off in three weeks - no matter what it feels like. I remember that July 2014. I was on 100 mg of Zoloft. The first week I took 75 mg. The next, 50 mg. The third, 25 mg. I started the new dose every Sunday. And that final Sunday, I was done. I quit. I remember that each week, about Wednesday night or Thursday, I'd get disturbing symptoms - pain, anxiety, restlessness. I didn't understand what was happening to me. I remember a good friend of mine (ironically, he's an MD) holding me through those episodes and telling me it would all be ok. 

 

The final week of that Zoloft taper (on 25 mg), I was scheduled for surgery. It was a hysteroscopy/D&C/polypectomy. I'd had the exact same procedure 2 years prior in the same hospital with the same ob/gyn. The first time, I had met with the anesthesiologist a few days before. He reviewed my history, and learning that I have PTSD (from multiple forms of trauma, including rape), he decided to use general anesthesia. Usually this procedure is done with local anesthesia and a light IV sedative. But he said he didn't want to risk me being awake and having flashbacks/panic attack on the table. Well, in 2014, I had a different anesthesiologist. I stressed that general anesthesia was what we did last time and that it was a huge risk to have me awake during the procedure. He wouldn't listen. He wouldn't look up my records from 2 years before. He insisted there was no way general would have been used for that procedure. To my concerns, he promised to "keep me comfortable" over and over. Well, he used IV sedation and enough that I was completely out for the procedure. But I've always wondered how much they gave me - if he overdosed me. In 2012, I had returned to work the next day. In 2014, I was out of work for a week with dizziness, fever, chills, and miriad other symptoms. When I spoke with the nurse on the phone, reporting my symptoms, she said, "well, your symptoms are consistent with the dose of anesthesia they gave you." 

 

The following week I followed up with my PCP. She said it was difficult to sort out whether I was reacting to the anesthesia or having withdrawal from the Zoloft, but it would soon all be out of my system and I should be fine. I wasn't. That was just the beginning. 

 

That's all I have the energy to write at the moment.  I'll do my best to tell more segments of my story in the comments. It's good to be back.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, gunei.

 

Yes, most people here are tapering but quite a few are recovering from prolonged withdrawal syndrome. 

 

Good to hear from you. Looking forward to seeing more of your story.

 

What are your current symptoms?

[PoetJester]

Hey gunei

 

welcome to the forum.  I am about 3 1/2 years out from stopping the same two drugs, sertraline and olanzapine, after being on them off and on for most of 14 years.  I am not doing terribly well these days with poor sleep quality and difficulty sleeping, which is leading to fatigue and anxiety and digestive problems, being my main problems at the moment.  I was wondering what kind of symptoms you are still encountering 3+ years later?

 

poetjester