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Offforgood

OffForGood: Withdrawal after 28 yrs on antidepressants

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Offforgood

I am almost too embarrassed to write this.. I have been on almost every antidepressant in the past 28 years and finally decided to stop and spent from February through July tapering from 200 mg of Zoloft, 50 mg of olanzipine and 450 mg (yes 450 mg!) Of effexor xr.  I finally decided to get off because nothing was helping and I was feeling worse.. specifically emotional blunting and zero motivation and lethargic.. I wonder if I have adrenal fatigue, or depletion or overdose of serotonin, burnt out, or having withdrawal symptoms or all of the above.  I try to get hopeful that this will end but I can't even get up to being hopeful about anything.  I want to be motivated and do my work but just can't seem to just do it.... Help

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ChessieCat

Hi OffForGood and welcome to SA,

 

So that we are better able to offer suggestions we will need some specific information about your drug history.  Please follow the instructions below and create your drug signature so that we can easily see it at a glance

 

A request: Would you summarize your history in a signature - ALL drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly?

  • Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
  • A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs. 
  • Any drugs prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
  • Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
  • Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016.
  • Link to Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

I suggest you do a check on the drugs you were taking and copy and paste it in a post in your Intro topic:  Drug Interactions Checker

 

You have tapered 3 drugs extremely quickly.

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

What is Withdrawal Syndrome?

 

Brain Remodelling

 

Q:  What side effects were you experiencing when taking the drugs?

 

Q:  What symptoms are you currently experiencing since stopping?

 

Quite often people experience withdrawal symptoms which they don't associate with stopping the drug/s.  Here is Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist

 

This is your own Introduction topic where you can ask questions and journal your progress.

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Offforgood

Just stopped after 28 y we ars on every antidepressant known now almost two months off.. first reply I had to intro was tapered too fast on last three meds... 200 mg Zoloft, 5 mg olanzipine and 450 mg of effexor xr.. dr said stop Zoloft after a couple of weeks, olanzipine after a few days and BAD withdrawal suicidal so I self tapered effexor over 6 months which reply I had on this site was still too fast.. most severe symptoms, rage alternated with anhedonia

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Altostrata

Welcome, Offforgood.

 

How are you feeling now? When was the last time you took Zoloft, olanzapine, and Effexor?

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Offforgood

Zoloft in February 2017, Olanzipine in December or January of 2016 or 2017... On psychiatrist advice told me to taper from 200mg of Zoloft I had been on for 10 yrs at least,, within three weeks, on Olanzipine 50 mg he told me I was on such a small dose to stop taking it after a few days.. think I was on Olanzipine for at least a year or more... I was 450 mg of effexor xr last dose taken July 22 2017... I did I thought was a slow self taper of 450, 300, 150, 75, 37.5 , 16-17, then a few mini capsules beginning in February to July 22....Dr would have reduced dosages weekly.. I thought doing it monthly was safer since I had very bad withdrawal symptoms with discontinuation of Zoloft and Olanzipine.. very very seriously suicidal... 

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Offforgood

I am not doing well.. lately more suicidal thoughts... Continuing anhedonia symptoms.. no motivation to work, panic and anxiety attacks in am.. and am getting really scared that I m never going to get pleasure and motivation back.. am seeing a therapist not psychiatrist who will just make me go back on drugs, which long term use caused this anhedonia,,, never had it before meds.. always been a procrastinator but before meds got it done... Last few years.. started crippling and paralyzing apathy and no motivation... Trying to be hopeful have great support system but scared I m not only not getting better but getting worse... Thanx for reading... Believe I m beyond help.. meds totally destroyed my brain... 

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Offforgood

Last dose of Zoloft taken in February 2017 started reducing dosage from 200 mg weekly to 150 then following week to 100mg to next week 50 then stopped from 50 per psychiatrist instructions to zero

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Offforgood

Hope these replies clear up my recent med history.... I feel like I m getting worse... I stopped taking effexor xr - last of three meds I was on- on July 22 2017---started on effexor at least a couple of years ago at low dosage of 75 mg and psychiatrist increased dosages regularly until I hit 450 was on that for at least a few months maybe 6 months -- side effects VERY bad itching for ages.. did not know that was side effect and could not get to sleep before 3 am for years! Psychiatrist gave me zolpedem.. But do not know if that was combo of meds I was taking.. Zoloft 209mg and olanzipine 5mg... And I forgot Klonopin irregularly for sleep and zolpedem sometimes..However, when I started reducing effexor to around 1/2 dose itching disappeared and began falling asleep at 10 pm... Thankfully... Started realizing and getting angry at what meds had done to make me miserable treating side effects with more meds... Psychiatrist never even told me this could be side effects!! 

Zoloft:. Was on Prozac for at least 10 yrs and it pooped out dr switched to Zoloft increasing to 200 mg and was there for last two decades.. until February 2017... Tapered weekly by one half stopped at 50 mg was last dose.. 

Olanzipine was started on 2.5mg? Increased to 5mg? On for at least a year or more psychiatrist told me to take for three to five days and stop in Dec 2016 or Jan 2017... Became suicidal said i was having A relapse.. can't remember if he suggested anything.. the ok no he was mad I wanted to stop meds.. he has told me and still believes I have biologic depression and should be on meds for life.. never have had any med testing of any kind with him.. 

Effexor been on for years started at 75mg increased regularly every f ew months till hit 450 mg on that for at least 6 months.. began tapering 1/2 dosage monthly in February 2017 - 350? 175mg? 75mg? 37.5 mg? 16.5? and stopped on July 22 2017.. after Taking a few pills from xr tablet... 

No really bad physical symptoms on stoppage.. sometimes a day would feel ok ... almost alternating with ok feeling and next day brain fog... Last couple of weeks morning anxiety and panic attacks but would subside... Lately last few days .. ok days are gone, now what is coming back is the  do not care attitude about doing anything... Was starting to care about not doing work which I thought would lead me to doing work but has not happened... Opposite has returned.. Feel angry and oppressed that life has done this to me...

Last few days I m scared.. suicidal and hopeless feeling predominate... Feel like I m going backwards ... I m beginning to feel I m never going to get well..Feel meds have caused this apathy and lack of motivation and lack of pleasure in anything in life for the last few years and meds have totally fried my brains forever.. 

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ChessieCat

I have now compiled all of the information.  This is the information that is helpful and we need it in your drug signature.

 

Please copy and past the following into your signature.  Edit a signature

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

200mg Zoloft  - had been on for 10 yrs at least - tapered off Zoloft in one month January 2017 200mg, 150mg, 100mg, 50mg

Last dose:  50mg Zoloft in February 2017

 

50mg Olanzipine - for at least a year or more - told me I was on such a small dose to stop taking it after a few days

Last dose:  Olanzipine in December or January of 2016 or 2017 - Might have been 5 mg of olanzipine

 

NOTE:  had very bad withdrawal symptoms with discontinuation of Zoloft and Olanzipine.. very very seriously suicidal... 

 

450mg Effexor XR - started at 75mg a couple of years ago, increasing every few months until I got to 450mg

beginning in February to July 22 - 450, 300, 150, 75, 37.5 , 16-17, then a few mini capsules

Last dose:  July 22 2017

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Edited by ChessieCat

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Offforgood

I did try to copy and paste and

I don't know if it copied because it said too many lines for signature!!

Edited by ChessieCat

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manymoretodays

Hi Offforgood.  It looks like it did copy.  I can see your signature below your last post.  I'm on a desktop computer and my understanding is that you can't see signatures if you are on a phone.  So maybe that's it?

 

Hopefully now that it is there(the signature) the site moderators may have some suggestions for you. 

 

Idk.......I just didn't want to leave your post unanswered and wanted to offer hugs and hope.  I remember feeling as bad as you describe.  I think it's withdrawal for sure.  Not permanent, not hopeless.  Sometimes it doesn't hit until later.  Looks like your last dose of Effexor was July 22nd?

 

Best,

manymoretodays

 

 

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Offforgood

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words.

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DrugfreeProf

Yes, Offforgood, hang in there. You were on these drugs a very long time and went off pretty quickly, especially by SA standards. The early-onset WD symptoms, the acute ones that sometimes don't hit you till months after discontinuing, can be pretty scary. But they will diminish over time and your symptoms will change, and gradually improve. Keep the faith!  

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Offforgood

Worsening .. please help me! My mind is all over the place.. can’t focus, can’t concentrate, feel like i m bouncing off the walls.. don’t know if I am coming or going... laying in bed alternately sleeping n going crazy.. tired of reading does not make me feel better.. more depressed.. pls help me get better.. tell me how.. can’t do this day by day.. stopping all antidepressants is hell... so angry and bitter 

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manymoretodays

Have you been able to read through some of the stuff in symptom control?  Especially on the use of magnesium dissolved in water or Epsom salt baths.  In the beginning for me........I got a nice bobble head feeling from a partial capsule of Magnesium complex in water and was able to lighten up quite a bit intermittently.  I also went through some wanting to swear like a pirate sailor times and severe crabbiness with everyone.  Weird stuff but I got through it.  I think the internal agitation is called akathisia and can be a fairly common withdrawal effect..........yet you can lie in bed?  That might be good then as  I remember having to pace sometimes early on.   Anyway.........pay attention to when you feel even slightly better.........try and focus on when that occurs and how it feels.

 

What have you been reading?  You can read!!!  It took me awhile until I could read books and things again.  How long are your sleeps?  And you are working?  You mentioned not being able to do your work.   I think you also mentioned having a good support system..........that can be great. 

 

I think it might be possible for you to reinstate a bit of Effexor and possibly find relief as it has only been 2 months off now..........hopefully one of the moderators can direct you to information in that regard soon so you can read up and decide if that's something you might want to try.

 

I guess I just relate to your posts as I too had the 28 years of medication roulette too.........with just continuing to get sicker instead of into some recovery/healing............    I'm doing fair at this point.........past the real acute stuff that you are now experiencing.............and will be sending some of that universal peace and love and connection to you tonight.........such as what I received here a few years back.  It really made a difference for me when I felt so alone with the symptoms.  Your not alone with this.  Okay.  Try to just breathe and focus on your breath a bit.

 

Love, peace, healing/recovery, and growth........I've been slacking lately a bit on the growth I think..........got scared of wellness??!!!  Lot of old patterns to undo.

 

manymoretodays

 

 

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Offforgood

Hi Brassmonkey

 

You were so helpful in responding to my last post so I thought I would reach out again. Pardon in advance to my stream of consciousness narrative.  I am feeling really dejected of late--I was starting to feel alittle bit better a few days or a week ago, like I was kind of starting to come out of a fog--thought I was thinking clearer and even getting alittle motivated and even a little positive but then all of a sudden I seem to go into a spiral--feeling low, depressed and extremely negative and creating so much anxiety that I thought I was having a panic attack.  As you may remember, I was on almost every antidepressant for over 28 years and am no drug free three months now-- and feel like sometimes I am bouncing off the walls.  I wish I could open my brain up and shake it into place or at least stop the negative thoughts and hopeless thoughts that consume my mind.  I dont know if I can do this, it seems so hard!  I use to be a pretty motivated and generally content if not happy person and I think taking these wretched drugs have made my procrastination worse and caused me to go back and forth from emotional numbness to acute anxiety and negativity.. I desperately want to get well and functioning--want to be productive and at least feel like i am on top of things but I think sometimes I am too old now--am 68-and dont have the intestinal fortitude energy and or will to fight this whatever I am going through.. I wonder and many times doubt that I can 'get up' to fight through these presumable withdrawal symptoms -- I feel so hopeless ...dejected and defeated.  I wish I could feel happy that I have a partner now who supports me so completely and the life situations that I have been living with so long are now slowly being resolved and I cant even feel joy in that--people around me are saying I am making great improvements and great strides but I don feel that way--in fact, I think I am going backward--sliding back into negativity and self doubt. i used to feel happy or at least I was contented--i looked forward to things-things that I used to pine away for to beg god to let it happen like finding a partner to share my life were the focal point of my life so long and now that I have found someone it seems like a cruel joke that I cannot feel contentment  let alone joy...

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brassmonkey

Hi Offforgood--  Congratulations on being three months drug free.  After 28 years that's quite an accomplishment.  But it does raise the question "what  do normal emotions feel like"? I'm struggling with the same problem. The time I've spent on and getting off of paxil (about 25 years all told) had been quite a whirlwind of experiences, emotions blunted by drugs and major life upheavals.  Trying to sort out what was "real" and what was drug enhanced is a real challenge and I'm not sure if it's really necessary. It's over and done with and I can't change it.  Now that my emotions are returning I need to relearn how they feel and how to control them, which leads for a lot of ups and downs.

 

 We do know that the WD process does not end when the dose drops to "0".  All that means is that we are no longer directly fighting against the drug and our bodies can start the real healing process.  Which, unfortunately, will take more time.  The first year is marked by the window and wave pattern which you are describing with a steady improvement after each wave.  So being three months out is putting you right in the thick of it with more healing to come.  By the end of the first year there should be a major increase on clarity of mind, purity of emotions and motivation, and things will improve from there.  I know that hearing "it will take more time" is tough, I'm rapidly approaching 65 and really don't want to hear it.

 

As the ones actually going through the WD process we are acutely aware of every little change we feel. So much so that it can be really hard to see just how much improvement we have made.  Taking time and looking back is a really good way to remind ourselves of how far we've come.  There also comes a point where we just have to stop thinking about how bad we feel and start looking for the small joys in life and concentrating on them.  It may only be a minute of feeling great or a flash go positive emotion, but we need to catch those moments and remember them and nurture them so they will grow.  Having a loving partner through out this process is a wonderful thing.  Pay attention to the small things that they do to try and make you happy and cherish them.  You'll be surprised at how often they will cause little sparks and those sparks can grow into contentment.

 

((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))

 

Brass

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wantrelief

Hi Offforgood,

 

I have read your thread here and your comments elsewhere and just wanted to reach out to let you know how much I relate to what you have written.  I am also having a terrible time with motivation, apathy and suicidal thoughts.  Were you having these problems when you were on medication or did this start after you were off?  I think I have reached tolerance on citalopram as I am having these same feelings/problems on my AD despite increasing the dose (have now started to taper down). I know how hard it is living this way.  It is great you are off of the meds though and on your way to healing.  

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Offforgood

Hi Wantrelief.. this lack of motivation and apathy is what made me get off antidepressants..I kept telling my psych doctor that my lack of motivation and apathy was getting worse the last couple of years and he increased my dose! Which of course made me worse and finally when I felt like a zombie I told him I m stopping even though he told me I should stay on the meds the rest of my life! I told him I would rather be depressed than feel like a zombie.  When I stopped basically ct on psych doctor advice I became suicidal in addition to no motivation... psych Dr wanted me to reinstate all meds said no way!  People around me tell me I m doing well but still have no motivation and sometimes it gets worse and I get really depressed in addition to no motivation.. I feel hopeless and almost resigned and yes angry about how my life has unraveled because of these meds.  I want to believe I m going to get better and eventually heal completely but I get really discouraged! Sorry for rambling on!

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Offforgood
On 10/16/2017 at 12:38 PM, brassmonkey said:

Hi Offforgood--  Congratulations on being three months drug free.  After 28 years that's quite an accomplishment.  But it does raise the question "what  do normal emotions feel like"? I'm struggling with the same problem. The time I've spent on and getting off of paxil (about 25 years all told) had been quite a whirlwind of experiences, emotions blunted by drugs and major life upheavals.  Trying to sort out what was "real" and what was drug enhanced is a real challenge and I'm not sure if it's really necessary. It's over and done with and I can't change it.  Now that my emotions are returning I need to relearn how they feel and how to control them, which leads for a lot of ups and downs.

 

 We do know that the WD process does not end when the dose drops to "0".  All that means is that we are no longer directly fighting against the drug and our bodies can start the real healing process.  Which, unfortunately, will take more time.  The first year is marked by the window and wave pattern which you are describing with a steady improvement after each wave.  So being three months out is putting you right in the thick of it with more healing to come.  By the end of the first year there should be a major increase on clarity of mind, purity of emotions and motivation, and things will improve from there.  I know that hearing "it will take more time" is tough, I'm rapidly approaching 65 and really don't want to hear it.

 

As the ones actually going through the WD process we are acutely aware of every little change we feel. So much so that it can be really hard to see just how much improvement we have made.  Taking time and looking back is a really good way to remind ourselves of how far we've come.  There also comes a point where we just have to stop thinking about how bad we feel and start looking for the small joys in life and concentrating on them.  It may only be a minute of feeling great or a flash go positive emotion, but we need to catch those moments and remember them and nurture them so they will grow.  Having a loving partner through out this process is a wonderful thing.  Pay attention to the small things that they do to try and make you happy and cherish them.  You'll be surprised at how often they will cause little sparks and those sparks can grow into contentment.

 

((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))

 

Brass

Hi Brassmonkey

i m now entering my 8th month off all meds and still struggling with no motivation and in my worse times depressed, hopeless, and borderline miserable and suicidal.  I have had a couple of sparks of enthusiasm and flash of energy but instead of enjoying them I feel like they are cruel moments because it is almost like taunting me that I can’t feel this way consistently. I don’t think I can stick it out like this for years.. I will b 69 in a few months and feel my withdrawal will outlive me. 

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wantrelief

You are not rambling at all.  I am in the same boat except still on the meds.  I must admit I feel hopeless a lot of the time too, especially because I have a long way to go to even get off of two medications.  But we must trust the success stories and those that are in the process of healing that we can get better.  It is good that people around you are seeing a difference, I think you should hold onto that even if you don't see what they see yet.  You have gotten through 8 months med free....that is quite an accomplishment.  I know how you feel when you say you don't know how you can live like this for years.  I've wondered the exact same thing.  But it is overwhelming to think years down the road - perhaps this sounds cliche but just take it a day at a time....if you can get through one more day and so forth soon more time will have passed and you will eventually be feeling differently than you are now.   

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Downbutnotout

Hope is a good thing. 

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Littlegrandma

OFG

how are you doing today?

just wanted you to know I’m thinking about you. Lg

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Offforgood

Moved from:  Delayed onset of withdrawal symptoms

 

Maybe the mods can give me some input. I m going into my 8th Mont of totally off meds a gf yet 28 years of being on every antidepressant I guess I actually went CT on my last 3 meds  200 mg sertraline, 5mg of olanzipine and 450 mg of venlaflaxine xr in July 2017 but I think I read in here that the withdrawal symptoms reoccur in the mid point of withdrawal or 6,7, 8 months and after a year.. with a vengeance.. can anyone enlighten me? I seem to be going through some bad periods.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
Added note

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Dalalea
24 minutes ago, Offforgood said:

withdrawal or 6,7, 8 months

I'm not a mod but, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I have experience with Effexor, and especially Zoloft. I had no symptoms after a two month taper last summer off of Zoloft (25mg). I thought, "That was easy!" Ha Ha!

My WD symptoms didn't appear for 2-3 months and it took me 2 more months to figure out what was happening! I was very anxious and depressed. I'm finishing month 7 and am in a nice little window with fewer symptoms at the moment but, months 4 and 5 were horrible!

I'm hopeful that the window will continue; knowing that another wave could be right around the corner.

What you're describing sounds like others on this forum. Every person had slightly different timelines and different mixes of symptoms. I don't think there is a way to predict what will happen next with any of us.

The thing I focus on is that, like all of us, I am healing!

This is the process of healing.

You are also healing.

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ChessieCat

Hi OFG,

 

Healing is not linear:  Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

I really like the Rubik's cube analogy:  Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

From What is Happening in Your Brain:

 

"Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are [...] to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were [...] to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and [...] to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while [...] is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made. 


And just like the Twin Towers- it's possible - but the building is a major effort -and it takes a good year or more sometimes."

 

 

It's important to learn and use Non-drug techniques to cope

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Offforgood

Off all massive doses of ad ct since July 2017 and still no motivation or joy or pleasure or excitement of anything in life.  Emotions are back but just the negative ones and feel weepy at anything sad.. all negative thoughts about the past, negative present feelings and anxiety and fear about the future... this is hell.. don’t care about a business that is sliding downhill after working over 40 years to build it up.. trying supplements acupuncture and therapy for the past five months but no change in apathy and lack of joy.. just got back visiting toddler grandchildren..no excitement- have found supportive wonderful boyfriend partner who I thought I would never find especially at my age-late sixties- can’t even enjoy him.. I curse the psych dr who overmedicated me for 28 years.. physical symptoms of hourly nighttime urination so no real sleep, wake up tired, blurry vision, feel eyes swollen, confusion, can’t focus,etc.. tell me I need to b patient but I curse myself for what I did to my life.. stayed on ad so long that I burned out my brain and ability to enjoy life or even deal with life since it made me numb and a zombie.. lost my self confidence and live with daily hopelessness and see no purpose to anything.. 

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Daisy

I read you post and I am sorry you are still suffering so much. It is really hard to break the habit of negative thinking towards one's self and the world around you. So many drugs have been thrown at you for 28 years to give you that "instant fix", that you never had a chance to develop different coping and thinking skills. But you are still living and breathing, so there is still hope and there is still time for your life to change for the better.

My prayers are with you,

Daisy 

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Altostrata

Offforgood, have your symptoms improved since 6 months ago?

 

How's your sleep? Do you go to bed at a regular hour?

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

A lot of people find them helpful. Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

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Offforgood

Thank you for replying.  Have been taking high quality magnesium and fish oil for most of the past year.. and sleep is better .anxiety reduced .. doing intensive therapy and acupuncture weekly.. plus supplements etc.seeing friends going out etc. trying everything that is suggested but this lack of pleasure and joy in things I used to enjoy is hell.. I feel no happiness or excitement in anything just feel negative emotions only or just neutral at best.. just no excitement or happiness in any future events etc... no motivation to work etc business is going down the drain used to have sense of humor to cope with life now gone.. just existing... waiting for joy in life to come back... feel like i may not live long enough for it to come back m going to b 70 soon...  

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Altostrata

I would call that progress.

 

Don't compare yourself to an ideal. Enjoy what you can enjoy, even if it's a tiny little bit, and don't worry about the rest. Keep reminding yourself to do this when your mind starts to stray to more discouraging thoughts.

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Petunia
8 hours ago, Offforgood said:

trying everything that is suggested but this lack of pleasure and joy in things I used to enjoy is hell.. I feel no happiness or excitement in anything just feel negative emotions only or just neutral at best.. just no excitement or happiness in any future events etc... no motivation to work etc business is going down the drain used to have sense of humor to cope with life now gone.. just existing... waiting for joy in life to come back... feel like i may not live long enough for it to come back

 

This was me for a few years too. I came off my medication too fast after being on it a long time, and for a while didn't think I would ever want to do anything again. No pleasure or happiness, no sense of humor, no motivation.... only the bad stuff.

 

But slowly, my brain has been finding its way back to balance and now I'm almost back to normal, not completely the same as I was before, in some ways better. The good feelings are back, I can laugh again and I have a much deeper appreciation for the small things in life now. Each moment is precious.

 

You will get there, healing is inevitable if you stay off the drugs. Our brain naturally wants us to feel good. Feeling good is good for us. Spend your time doing things that make you feel less bad, aiming for things that might bring a little pleasure for a few seconds. Cherish every little moment of feeling less bad and focus on those moments. Baby steps towards feeling better, each one is progress and you will get there one day at a time.

 

I also thought I would die before I had a chance to feel good again. But I was wrong.

 

Stay healthy, take care of your wellbeing as best you can and give yourself the best opportunity for recovery. You will feel joy and happiness again. Be nice to yourself, you didn't do anything wrong. You did the best you could at the time, with what you knew.

 

I know its hard, the negativity seems to be part of the process, but some of us go through it, accept it as a temporary stage. All those doomy, gloomy thoughts are not true, but for some reason, in withdrawal, they need a platform for a while. Allow them, then let them go when they are ready. That's what happened for me. I accepted everything, not that I believed every thought, but I let them be there, eventually they went away and were replaced with more pleasant thoughts, or no thoughts, which can be peaceful.

 

Maybe read my intro thread, I've documented my long, difficult recovery process, the good and the bad, and there's a happy ending, I'm much better now. I anticipate writing my recovery story some time this year, hopefully it will be shorter than my intro thread.

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Offforgood

Thank you to everyone for all your replies.. still having a rough time.. even rougher today.. seem to not be able to handle anything today.. feel totally confused, conflicted, and out of it.  I hesitate to comment on this site many and most times because I feel almost guilty because I m not going through the horrible physical ailments everyone is going through while mine is mental.. the confusion and deep depression, despair and hopelessness I go through it seems everyday with the anxiety  thrown in.. I exist not live each day with no purpose, no motivation to do anything.. I look forward to nothing because nothing and nobody excites me or has given me pleasure or joy it seems like years.. I thought stopping my meds would get something anything back but after a year off.. just minutes sometimes only seconds of excitement.. I read the comments of people who seem to b in similar situations and for those who seem to have regained some joy or pleasure in life.. which seems very few. Even that has taken years.. years at my age seem like this condition will outlive me.. I am in pain mental torture feeling only dispair hopelessness and trapped.. I used to b a positive person who used her sense of humor to laugh at life’s ironies and was able to make it through life with that sense of humor and with resilience and purpose derived from enjoying the simplest things in life.. reading a good book, going for a walk, eating not so healthy foods, watching mysteries on tv, looking forward to traveling.. all these things have been taken away from me by the emotional blunting of psych meds and the now continuing nightmare of withdrawal.. which I fear i have left too late in my life and will never overcome... thanx for reading 

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Daisy

I am praying you find even a moments joy or what is called a 'window" so you can see the sun and take a deep breath of fresh air.

Daisy🌻

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Offforgood

Feel disconnected from life.. maybe that is why I feel so negative about everything and everyone.. I don’t want to feel this way and I desperately want to FEEL connected .. what is Wrong with me.. I feel lately like I am drifting away ... 

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Happy2Heal

Hi OFG

 

I was put on psych drugs when I was 18. (originally an anti psychotic, then more of the same plus antidepressants and tranquilizers and "mood stabilizers" and sleep meds etc (see my signature for a better summary) I was on one or more  of these toxic things for over 40  yrs- I'm now 62

(and there are actually ppl on this forum who have been on psych meds longer than that)  my brain is not burnt out, it's healing and is in fact, mostly healed now, as far as I can tell.



I finally got off the last of the drugs, lexapro, last Oct. 2017. I expect to write my success story in just a few more months, although I already consider my withdrawal a total success already :)

 

 

 

I, too, went thru a period where I didn't feel any joy or excitement, didn't have any motivation to do anything, just went thru the motions of living and wondered what the point was.
BUT and here's the thing-  it didn't last. I went away.

It wasn't pleasant of course but I firmly believe that EVERY emotion we have is fleeting... everything in life changes.  You embrace and enjoy the good stuff and you find a way to get thru the bad stuff til more good stuff comes along

 

and it WILL.

just hold on a bit longer. See if you can find something to distract yourself.
Don't let the negative thoughts take hold, do something that keeps your mind and/or your body busy (or both, even better!) 

it may not make you feel any better, at least not yet but it will help get you thru the bad parts.

 

You ARE going to feel better. Maybe try acting "as if" you feel the way you want to and see how that goes...?
 

try not to ruminate on what is wrong, focus on what is going right. it helps, if nothing else by giving you pleasanter things to think about ;)

 

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