Loopylou: Why did I ever touch these drugs?

[Loopylou]

Hi everyone - 

 

Long story but here it goes i will do my best to use that bit of brain that still feels like its working to explain. (Bet you all know how and what i mean).

 

Over the years i have been on a few different SSRI drugs or as i like to call them now POISON!.

 

Starting of 5 years ago on citalopram 40mg i had anxiety at this point... Looking back it was nothing like i have experienced in the last few months it happened more in situational circumstances as in i worried about being stuck in traffic and not having a toilet around. My anxiety would then cause me to need a poo etc. But at home i was in my safe place and rarely had panic attacks. My gosh how all that has changed. I now have anxiety attacks in my home god knows how many times a day my safe space has been destroyed and i don't no what it feels like to have a safe place anymore. My health anxiety is atrocious and my agoraphobia is to a new level. 

 

So a few years of being on citalopram and nothing really seemed to get any better just worse so i went back to the doctors. This is when they put me on to sertraline!!! There was no taper just a straight swap to 50mg of sertraline. I was lucky and i say lucky now as i didnt seem to have any effects of changing over to a different tablet. So over a period of a year i went from 50mg to the max of 200mg with  the added 40mg 3x a day of proparanolol for a while i was ok anxiety still there but nothing like it is now. Then wham all off a sudden i couldn't function again anxiety was through the roof i was dizzy and nauseous constantly and then the agoraphobia hit. I quit my job as i physical couldn't go out anymore. So back to the doctors 5 months ago and here is were all this started. So the doctors told me to cut my sertraline down from 200mg for a few weeks and then stop at 100mg and go onto 20mg of mirtazapine. For the first few days i felt great then WHAM. Whilst sat in my bedroom my eyesight went and i couldn't see a thing. Instantly my body went into panic after about 15 minutes (seemed like a lifetime) my eyesight came back. I stood up and my whole left side of my body, and in my mouth went numb like i had been given way to much anaesthetic. That night i called the Paramedics for the first time. They checked the normal and done a ECG. Everything came back as it should. Within a few hours it was gone and i felt stupid. So i carried on with the mitazapine as been instructed by the doctor. Few more days in a now it had reached an all time high. I was convulsing constantly, shivering but was absolutely boiling. I couldn't settle at all constantly pacing around even though i felt shattered my body would not allow me to settle and sleep. I couldnt eat anything, i was shaking constantly etc etc.This went on for what felt like months but in reality was about two weeks. Doctors were called again and i was told to stop the mitazapine. ( i had taken 14 pills) i was then put straight on to fluoxetine 20mg. At this point i was so frightened of being left on my own that i was having 24 hour care shared between my Mum,Dad and Partner. 

 

So off i go putting another drug into my cocktail of drugs in my body. Still feeling just as bad as ever. All i can say here is by the 19th day of the fluoxetine i had, had enough of these tablets and made my own decision to get every single one out of my system. I may have been wrong to do this but i could not take anymore. 

 

So 5 months of the sertraline 200mg and 4 months off the 20mg of mirtazapine and just over 3 months of stopping the fluoxtine. As i said the last two drugs i was on no longer then 2 weeks each. 

 

My god how do the doctors not know what these tablets can do especially when they dish them out like they are sweets. 

 

Here and now - 

- Constant tingling all over my body especially worst when i first wake up and when im trying to sleep.

- Burning skin, like somebody is holding a match under my skin at all times. But yet my hands and feet are numb and cold.

- Bloated beyond belief 

- Dizzy ness i don't no what it feels like to not feel like im on a rocking boat in the middle of the ocean.

- Itching like there are millions of bugs on my body. Sometimes it feels like they are trying to get in, sometimes it feels like they are trying to get out. 

- Body jolts. Most annoying at night when im trying to sleep. Its like some annoying farmer is prodding me with a cattle prod. 

- As soon as i eat it feels like my body goes into more dark places. Anxiety levels increase.

- Small amounts of food send my blood sugars up from 5.5 to anywhere between 8 and 10. Absolutely petrified to eat anything to sugary.

- Urination approximately 4 times in an hour every hour. Bladder always feels full and heavy.

- Body temperature always low..34.9 •c even though i dont feel cold.

- Clenched jaw all the time that then gives me headache. 

 

I could go on and on and everyday there maybe something new.

 

Will life ever be normal again i would give anything to just have my plain old anxiety back. 

I feel for each and everyone of you on here that have been let down or not listened to by doctors. My heart goes out to you all. 

 

I pray that i will return to some sort of normality. Some days are harder than others as ive learnt that there are definitely Windows and Waves in this process. But when those Waves hit they hit hard i wonder how i will ever make it through this. 

 

Everyday is a roller coaster of different Physical, Intellectual, Emotional and Social whirlwinds wondering if there is something more to this and my organs are failing me slowly. But each day i am still here and i am determined to fight this! 

 

Love to you all

Laura from the UK 🇬🇧 x

 

Edited September 21, 2017 by ChessieCat
changed font size & added spacing

[ChessieCat]

Hi Loopylou and welcome to SA,

 

Yes we do understand what you mean, and even the mods, who are going through their own withdrawal off psychiatric drugs, experience cog fog.

 

So that we can see your drug history at a glance every time you post please create your drug signature.  These are the instructions:

 

 A request: Would you summarize your history in a signature - ALL drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly?

• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
• A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs. 

• Any drugs prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
• Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
• Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016.
• Link to Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

Once we have all this information in a simplified form we will be better able to offer suggestions.  Thank you.

 

This is your own Introduction topic where you can ask questions and journal your progress.

[Loopylou]

Its been nearly 5 months am i now in protracted withdrawals or could i still be in normal withdrawals?

This is hell it hurts so much everywhere 

[baroquep]

Hi Loopylou, I've merged your new topic with your original thread as we need to keep all of your information in one place.  Please post all questions that you have regarding your taper in your original introduction thread, rather than start a new topic.  The policy here is to have only one thread per member.  Am sure that you can appreciate that moderators need to be able to view all the information concerning you in one place.

You are likely still experiencing protracted withdrawal from the Sertraline that you stopped in May 2017.  Have you considered reinstating Sertraline in a very small dose to help alleviate your current withdrawal symptoms?

 

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms

 

What is known about reinstatement from reading and from patient experience as posted on online support sites:

• According to medical knowledge, reinstatement is the only way to alleviate withdrawal symptoms.
• Reinstatement is best done immediately upon appearance of withdrawal symptoms. The more time that passes, the less likely it is to work.
• The length of this window of opportunity varies according to the individual. Sometimes people can reinstate successfully months after quitting. Others cannot.
• Often a partial dose will relieve withdrawal symptoms. If, for example, you were taking 20mg Paxil and quit rapidly only a few days ago, 5mg or 10mg may be enough. Others find they need a higher dose.
• Start low to see what you need. You can always increase if necessary. If you've been off the drug for a month or more, many people can find relief from antidepressant withdrawal symptoms by reinstating as little as 1mg-5mg.

Edited September 23, 2017 by baroquep

[Loopylou]

Sorry wasnt sure what i was doing. But i get it now thank you.

Isit not to late to reinstate now as i went cold turkey from all three tablets. Im petrified now of going back on anything incase it makes it worse. 

 

[baroquep]

1 hour ago, baroquep said:

 

• The length of this window of opportunity varies according to the individual. Sometimes people can reinstate successfully months after quitting. Others cannot.
• Often a partial dose will relieve withdrawal symptoms. If, for example, you were taking 20mg Paxil and quit rapidly only a few days ago, 5mg or 10mg may be enough. Others find they need a higher dose.
• Start low to see what you need. You can always increase if necessary. If you've been off the drug for a month or more, many people can find relief from antidepressant withdrawal symptoms by reinstating as little as 1mg-5mg.

 

Hi again, you had been taking Zoloft for quite a number of years your central nervous system adapted to functioning with the presence of the drug in your system, adding mirtazapine and then prozac likely made this even worse.  If I were you, I would attempt a reinstatement to get some relief from the symptoms you have been dealing with for the last month.  As well, because you have been off of them for quite some time, you would want to introduce a very small amount to start and then hold for a very long time to ensure that you don't have an adverse reaction to the drug because your system is so sensitized.  

Give it some thought, read through the link so that you understand the benefits and risks but if it were me, after five months of no relief from symptoms, I would at least give reinstatement a shot.  After you have had a chance to weigh your options, let us know and we can advise you on a precise dose that you could start at to see if this helps.  The goal with reinstatement is to reinstate the smallest amount of the drug that will alleviate your withdrawal symptoms, that can sometimes be even less that 1mg, so you'll want to start low and only increase after you are certain that you won't have a reaction.    

[baroquep]

We have another member who is attempting to reinstate after being off of Prozac since April 2017, and you might want to follow that thread to help guide your decision.  StarChild: Following my star amid a sea of confusion

 

People have been successful reinstating many months down the road and I don't think you should put yourself through unnecessary suffering if you are able find relief from reinstating.  I've added a couple of tags right below your username at the top-left hand side of the screen, that once you press, will bring you to other members who have tried reinstating who share their experiences.

 

[Loopylou]

Thank you all for your help i will speak to the doctor and see what they come up with. Half of me wants relief but the other half of me is just like stay of the stuff and just hopefully my body will heal as quick as it can. In that moment when i feel like i cant take anymore and feel like im going to have a heart attack or stroke i would give anything for some relief. 

[baroquep]

These links might be helpful to you when you go and see your doctor.  In my experience, doctors don't seem to understand that antidepressants can cause withdrawal syndrome, even when there is so much information out there to the contrary.  even the pharmaceutical companies advise never to stop taking an antidepressant abruptly, so I'm not sure where the disconnect is.  As long as you are prepared for the visit, you will hopefully be able to find support from him to help you get back on track.    

 

How do you talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal?
What should I expect from my doctor about withdrawal symptoms?

[ChessieCat]

3 hours ago, Loopylou said:

Thank you all for your help i will speak to the doctor and see what they come up with.

 

I imagine that your doctor's suggestion may very well be trying a new drug.  OR if he suggests going back on Zoloft he would probably suggest a much higher dose than we suggest (see next paragraph for dose suggestion), because the pharmaceutical companies tell them about "therapeutic" doses.  If you go to the doctor complaining about something his most likely response will be to write a prescription.  There are SA members who have been in a similar situation to you and have ended up being polydrugged, and as a consequence ended up worse than what they were before going to the doctor, when a very small reinstatement of the drug which there brain had adapted to might have worked.  Please read the links in the above post.  You can learn from other members' experiences.

 

I agree with baroquep that reinstating a very small amount (my suggestion would be to try 0.5mg or 1mg) of sertraline/Zoloft would be the best option.  The idea of reinstating isn't to get rid of withdrawal symptoms completely but to bring them to a level which is tolerable.  If after 1 week there was absolutely no improvement you could increase by another 0.5mg or 1mg.  Please Keep Notes on Paper.  This will help you to see improvement that you may not feel.

 

My own situation is different from yours, however I would like to tell you of my experience because it might help you to understand what these drugs do to the brain.

 

I reduced my Pristiq 100mg to 50mg and had very bad cog fog for 3 weeks.  At the end of the 3 weeks I was unable to type.  Because I am a professional typist of 40+ years I knew something was very wrong.  Fortunately I had joined SA a few days before this happened and they had suggested that I increase my dose.  I did this and after about 4 hours I was able to type again.  I have since been tapering with only mild withdrawal symptoms and am now down to 19mg.

[ChessieCat]

I have just read this posted by another member:

 

33 minutes ago, Bellatrix said:

I just wanted to let folks know that I started taking Lexapro in liquid form in July and as soon as I hit .4 mg it was like magic. I had started at just one drop and slowly moved up. I'm still not 100%, but the lions share of symptoms were greatly reduced. I reintroduced 8 months after stopping Lexapro and so much suffering. So just to let people know, there is hope!

 

Here is this member's drug history from their signature.  She had attempted to reinstate at 5mg.  She then reinstated at 0.4mg

 

16 years on SSRI's (Celexa, then Lexapro)

Tapered down over several years. Last dose November 2016 (2.5 mg)

Withdrawal symptoms began March 2017

Attempt to reinstate at 5mg in June 2017 led to worsening symptoms

Reinstated at .4 mg in July 2017 with beneficial results. 

[Loopylou]

Ive been thinking about it all evening and ive decided for now to try and stick it out without reinstating. Just to carry on taking the Proparanolol. 

Im in a wave at the moment hoping it will pass soon and i can at least have a few days without being in pain. From what i have been reading alot of people have said it got worse at the six month mark so im praying i can get through it.

Thank you again for all your support i wouldnt no what to do if i didnt have people to talk to. Not many people understand.

[Altostrata]

Please let us know how you're doing.

[Loopylou]

Little update went to the doctors on tuesday  and as we all no "you cant possible still be having withdrawals now". All blood test were done and all came back fine. "What a suprise!.

The doctor asked me if i wanted to go back on 20mg of sertraline or 20mg of citalopram I declined both. My blood pressure was low and my body temperature was low but apart from that they just said it was my anxiety because i wasnt taking any medication. I just laughed to be honest...by this point i have had a gutsfull of doctors not knowing anything about the medication they prescribe daily to people who need help. 

Anyway i am reaching the end of the 5th month from c/t of 200mg of sertraline and  praying its not going to get much worse than this but i have my doubts. Skin still burns and pins and needles in every part of my body still walking around the house pacing on occassions. The morning anxiety is a bore and so on. On the plus side my sleep had improved over the last few weeks im up to 6/7 hours which in my books is pretty good and i think im controlling my anxiety abit better or mayb its because i no its pretty much the same routine everyday until something new pops up. 

Hope you are all getting alittle relife here and there. 

[LexAnger]

OMG, loopylou, I'm so sorry you were put through so much agony and suffering by the stupid and ignorant doctors changing meds one from another in such a rough manner!

 

i want you to know you are not alone being hurt by the medical professionals and the most crazy symptoms! I had each of them plus more all these years, and still have them now off the drug after a super long taper. There are numerous members in this forum had similar experience too if you search around and read their stories.

 

I admire your willpower enduring all the torturous symptoms and survived 5 months. 

 

Quote from you:

Thank you all for your help i will speak to the doctor and see what they come up with. Half of me wants relief but the other half of me is just like stay of the stuff and just hopefully my body will heal as quick as it can. In that moment when i feel like i cant take anymore and feel like im going to have a heart attack or stroke i would give anything for some relief. 

 

 

I know exactly how you feel moment by moment, it's a big decision. I think you are wise not to jump for a quick one.

 

hope you feel somewhat better today!

lex

[Loopylou]

Thank you Lex it is awful some days and i wonder how i will cope or how anyone copes with this everyday, but people do becaude what is the alternative. 

Had a new symptom last night, my head felt like it was setting of fireworks and tipping acid inside my brain. But i remeberd reading a post from Altostrata talking about the brain and i just kept telling myself that it would pass and its a sign that my brain is still working and trying to get back to normal, however much in that moment i thought i was going to have a brain anyarism it did go away in the end and i could sleep. 

When i read people's storys about them tapering the correct way and they still have all this years later it does scare the life out of me but im praying i can heal at a reasonable pace i want my life back i have wasted so many years on these tablets that didnt make anything better for me and caused so much damage in the end. 

Thinking of you and hope you are having a good day. 

[LexAnger]

UI am so sorry loopylou you also have the firework and acid rushes! These are one of my most torturous symptoms as they are very deep and painful and allover me except for the lower body. Is yours painful? When did it start for you?

If you search firework in the forum, you will see others used the word in their symptoms, and I saw most are from me.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/search/

 

I have them every other day mysteriously in the past many years. I felt ithe firework is more from drug and the acid more from WD. when it comes, my body tend to be at a highly agitated state and my back got very stiff and painful. The electric misfire as I call it is the main cause of many of my symptoms. Gentle walks, sauna and swimming helps.

 

i do believe they will eventually go away along with other symptoms when the wire find its right spot. I know how you feel when reading others stories about the time to heal. I still can't believe I'm already on the road for 5 years. One day at a step, all of us made it and you will too just focusing on each day. Also, everyone is different I'm honestly believe my case is very unique as I literally cold turkey end hundreds times and changed dose on a daily basis. 

 

I'm now off the drug, I will see soon if the firework thing gets a lot better based on my theory. 

 

You take care,

lex

 

 

 

 

 

[Loopylou]

Yes thats the only way i could describe it to my partner was that it was like fireworks and acid at the same time with loads of pressure. I had that for the first time last night and lasted about two hours on and off with intensity. The aching bones and the nauseous/pins and needles feeling are the most annoying that dont seem to let up at all at the moment. And then when the constant need to move flares up i feel like im going insane. Looking back on the last few months I definitely think the Mirtazapine made mine 100x worse than it would of been. I still swear that i had serotonin syndrome when i started the Mirt, but luckly i didnt stay on it for more than 14 days but still enuff time to do more damage. 

5 years is insane how you do it i dont no but like you said you just do and so do so many others on here. Im waiting on month 6 because ive read it can get worse then but im just scaring myself as you said everyone is diffrent. 

When this finally ends im going to live my life so diffrently to how it has been.

Can i ask what symptoms you have had over the years? Sometimes its good to know what you could be expecting and it helps to know what i am feeling is normal.

 

Thank you 😊 

[LexAnger]

check out my post made yesterday for 'day 4 after 0' to my own thread. There are two many I don't think it's good to copy over to your thread. 

 

Those are the major symptoms i have been having for long time.

[Loopylou]

Hi guys quick question if anyone can answer?

Last night i had that annoying surge of energy through my body like i was plugged into the electric socket. I put my hand on my partners ankle and they said they could feel it and it give them shooting pains and a buzzing feeling inside aswel. How strange? 

When it passed after half hour and i didnt feel like i was buzzing anymore they couldnt feel it anymore when i touched them.

Has anyone else experienced this?