Feeling worthless; mood swings

[Femme47]

Hello All, 

Not sure if I am posting in the right section, so apologies in advance.

I am feeling quite lonely within no one to turn to on the same wave length..

 

I've been trying to get hold of a shrink I started seeing a few months ago. Left 3 messages asking him to confirm our regular sessions after a holiday break but he has not responded. I know that he is around, as I dialled his number by mistake yesterday and he did answer it. Unfortunately, I couldn't talk as I was not calling him. Anyway...

The very sad is that the fact of him not calling me back, makes me feel,.for some ridiculous reasons, inferior and a bad person! My worth depends on whether he calls me or not! I KNOW it's ridiculous and probably due to my general feeling down and out of sorts but this awareness doesn't makes much of the difference...

I also feel like a "bad " person, this feeling I'd experienced even before taking the meds so it's not a withdrawal..Probably, this badness has some routs in my childhood, whatever, now it feels real as ever...

Sorry for putting it out there, I don't know who to turn too. After all, my psychotherapist is ignoring me  (probably I've done something wrong, "bad girl ").

 

Anyway, thank you for reading it and any thoughts, words of the encouragement would be appreciated...

 

F47

 

PS Really, getting disappointed with the psychoanalysts here in France..

[Martina23]

You have done nothing wrong, you are not here for making someone be pleased, you should do what you find right as a personality and if someone considers you bad or not, it is his problem. He has not lived in your shoes. Imagine that you are standing in a bus and some drunkard angry on the whole world will hit you. Would you also run behind him “I am sorry, wait, I must have been very bad when you hit me“? Surely not and it is the same situation. Your psychiatrist is ignorant when he did not call you, not you are bad.

[powerback]

Hi F47 welcome , martina has given a great  analogy and good advice  .psychiatry is a mine field and just give yourself time and try find a good compassionate one that meets your needs ,almost like interviewing them for your needs .[At the moment I'm trying to have a self-imposed introspection ban on myself ,we need to know when to rest aswel].

you will need to learn to stop thinking yourself inferior to others and build your self worth [I tell myself this and I practice it ],a lot of it can be from childhood but I believe it can be unlearned without a doubt .

the ultimate goal long term I believe is self actualization and be at one with ones self [sounds a bit corny but the truth ].

 

 

[Femme47]

Hi Powerback and Martina, 

 

Thank you very much for your response and the feedback/ suggestions that I have really appreciated.

 

He has finally called me 4 messages later. Did not excuse himself or explained his delay in getting back to me. We are still in the process finding the mutual convenient  time for our session. However, I would not be upset if nothing comes of it. His lack of basic good manners made a dent in my respect of him.

Hope you are ok..

F47