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Nikki74: Lexapro mirtazapine diazepam akathisia

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Nikki74
30 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Thanks for the update, Nikki. Please keep your signature updated with when you make reductions. It would be good to have a timeline for this. When did you reduce down to 4.5 mg? I know you were at 4.5 mg as of July 9 from this post, but please keep this in your signature so moderators aren't having to re-read your thread (we are much more likely to make a mistake doing so). 

Thanks Shep, have updated but had to squeeze things in as it wasn’t allowing too much detail. I cut to 4.5mg lex on 2nd July. 

 

I tried the .25mg cut on Thur 9th August then reinstated to 4.5mg on Monday 13th Aug. Have put in signature.

30 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

A direct link to your signature is here:

 

Account - settings - create or edit your signature

 

 

About 6 weeks ago, the akathisia, heart rate, and other symptoms were so severe you called the hospital. The symptoms were related to the Lexapro and not the benzo, as you said you hadn't taken the benzo yet. 

 

From what I'm reading from your last post (please correct me if I'm wrong), the morning benzo is causing more problems than the evening, so your symptoms may be more related to the Lexapro. 

 

Yes, although the evening benzo I get between 30mins-an hour of craziness after taking. Tonight it was dry retching after taking, shaking, panic, brain squeezing and depression. I also dry retched with the morning dose.

30 minutes ago, Shep said:

But I'm interested in your thoughts - Do you feel the Lexapro is more problematic than the benzo? 

 

This is the thing that is doing my head in, aside from wds, because I cannot work it out. 

 

I have never felt ok on the Klonopin and I have been depressed on it since I started. Plus the variable reactions I get to taking it, then they ease off, particularly with the evening dose, but I’m left more and more like a zombie by it on the evenings.

 

The lexapro is mostly activating but the severe reaction has largely reduced massively. But it does seem to give me a long adrenaline surge still and increase the akathisia.

 

Since the reduction, Ive been waking with worse akathisia and sometimes shaking and feel a desperate need almost to take the lexapro, occasionally I get a reduction in symptoms and even feel drowsy for a time before the akathisia worsens again within the hour.

 

 

30 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Has the itching symptom resolved? 

 

Yes, that didn’t last long.

30 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

How are you feeling now? Did reinstating back to the 4.5 mg Lexapro dose help? 

 

 

I’m not feeling like the reinstating helped much, still getting absolutely awful spells of terror/panic but when I cut the .25mg I was waking in sheer panic and the DR was very bad. I’m not waking in sheer panic now but it’s through the day v intense at times like I’m losing my mind!

 

Just a note that 4 weeks into the 4.5mg I suddenly got two and a half days where things became more bearable (27th-29th July), aka was a bit lower and only brief spells of terror. Then it was like I’d cut again as the symptoms went crazy after that. Panic, terror, depression, aka awful until I tried that .25mg cut hoping it might help! It didn’t. Well the aka seemed to lower a little but the mental symptom were extreme, panic like I’ve never known in all this experience so far!

 

I’m truly disheartened by how severely I reacted to that smaller cut and by how bad the akathisia is, the panic and terror and generally the whole situation. Including the awful time I have taking both the lex and k.

 

I’m trying to figure out the worst one...

 

Not sure if any of this is much help?!

 

I am very very scared by how bad the akathisia is getting whatever I do.

 

The only things I’ve noticed that are positive is that since dropping to 4.5mg I’ve been able to watch tv a bit more, I had three days (actually during the .25mg reduction) where I was randomly inspired to draw for the first time in forever, and I seem more heavily sedated by the Mirtazipine which isn’t a great feeling but maybe suggests some activation has gone from the lex?! 

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Nikki74
13 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Nikki, exactly what happened the last time you reduced Lexapro? Were the symptoms worse than the ones you have now?

Hi Alto, do you mean when I cut the .25mg?

 

If so, within 24/48 hours I was getting extreme panic upon waking, shaking, feeling desperate to take the lexapro. Massive waves of intense panic-terror. Brain zaps. Dark intrusive thoughts. Feeling like I was going insane with the mental akathisia. Though the physical akathisia eased off a small amount. Numb feet. Hot flashes. But the panic was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. 

 

Since reinstating back back to 4.5mg, it’s not massively better. 

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Shep
15 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

But the panic was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. 

 

Was the panic worse than when you called the hospital on June 30, before you made this reduction? 

 

 

15 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

The only things I’ve noticed that are positive is that since dropping to 4.5mg I’ve been able to watch tv a bit more, I had three days (actually during the .25mg reduction) where I was randomly inspired to draw for the first time in forever, and I seem more heavily sedated by the Mirtazipine which isn’t a great feeling but maybe suggests some activation has gone from the lex?! 

 

It could be that it did help and since you report "Since reinstating back back to 4.5mg, it’s not massively better" you may be someone who really struggles at the beginning of a reduction and then gets the relief like you did when you first went down to 4.5 mg. 

 

The fact that you are sleeping all night is golden, Nikki. 

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Nikki74
56 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Was the panic worse than when you called the hospital on June 30, before you made this reduction? 

 

Yes, it was different, more intense and accompanied by terror.  Edit: it’s more mental panic whereas when I called the hospital in June it was physical reactions with some panic but not like this which is intense mental terror panic where I feel in horror.

Quote

 

 

It could be that it did help and since you report "Since reinstating back back to 4.5mg, it’s not massively better" you may be someone who really struggles at the beginning of a reduction and then gets the relief like you did when you first went down to 4.5 mg. 

 

When I cut to 4.5mg it took a while for things to really hit, like two weeks, then I thought I was coming through it at 4 weeks with a couple of days i symptoms being more manageable. Then weeks 5 and 6 were really really bad. 

 

I cut the .25mg in a desperate attempt to see if it’d help but unlike the cut to 4.5mg, the panic and terror was almost immediate and much much worse and consistent. 

 

So I don’t know how to proceed. I feel stuck. 

 

I’m getting the terror panic a couple hours after the Klonopin now and it last all afternoon or on and off in intense waves. 

Quote

The fact that you are sleeping all night is golden, Nikki. 

Yes. 

 

The .25mg reduction had me wake up in the night once and I then woke with extreme panic in the morning.

Edited by Nikki74

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Nikki74

Right now Shep I feel like the benzo is making me very sick.

 

i gag when I take it and shake. At 12.30 most days so a few hours after it, the terror and panic increases and I’m currently in bed gagging like I’m going to be sick. The akathisia is increasing again too. 

 

I honestly just feel so ill. 

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Altostrata

But you take the benzo and Lexapro at about the same time, Nikki.

 

Since it seems the Lexapro is causing a lot of problems, micro-tapering the Lexapro by tiny, tiny amounts every 5 days may be a way to go off it. If a reduction of 0.25mg is too much, maybe you can get by with a reduction of 0.05mg. Can your syringe measure that small?

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Nikki74
12 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

But you take the benzo and Lexapro at about the same time, Nikki.

 

Since it seems the Lexapro is causing a lot of problems, micro-tapering the Lexapro by tiny, tiny amounts every 5 days may be a way to go off it. If a reduction of 0.25mg is too much, maybe you can get by with a reduction of 0.05mg. Can your syringe measure that small?

Yes but I’m getting awful reactions to my evening benzo too, they last maybe an hour then die down.

 

I am using scales to dry cut at the moment Alto. I didn’t cross over to liquid. 

 

Each pill tends to weigh .092 grams (they vary) so I just divided 4.5 by 0.05 and it came to 90. 

 

Given this and the fact I now take a pill weighing .082/83 with the .5mg I dropped, could I cut by .001 (talking pill weight here) every 5 days? 

 

Or I cross to liquid.

 

I had ordered tubes and micro syringes but in the house move the box appears to have been put in storage as I don’t have them here.

 

what are your thoughts on my dry cutting .001?

 

Would I do that for say four cuts then hold?

 

Thanks, Nikki 

Edited by Nikki74

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Altostrata
Just now, Nikki74 said:

what are your thoughts on my dry cutting .001?

 

If you feel you can measure this accurately, yes, you could decrease by .001mg every 5 days. Be sure to keep daily notes about your dosage and symptoms.
 

On 8/18/2018 at 11:44 AM, Nikki74 said:

Yes, although the evening benzo I get between 30mins-an hour of craziness after taking. Tonight it was dry retching after taking, shaking, panic, brain squeezing and depression. I also dry retched with the morning dose.

 

Nikki, you're working very hard, but we're have a hard time interpreting your daily symptom pattern. Please use a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom, drug and dosage) on the right.

 

Is it possible you're getting scared after taking the benzo? It's understandable, you've been through so much, but you need to be a saint and try not to add to your symptoms with your own fears.

 

On 8/18/2018 at 11:44 AM, Nikki74 said:

The lexapro is mostly activating but the severe reaction has largely reduced massively. But it does seem to give me a long adrenaline surge still and increase the akathisia.

 

I would like to see if the Lexapro can be reduced so this doesn't happen any more.

 

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Nikki74
21 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

If you feel you can measure this accurately, yes, you could decrease by .001mg every 5 days. Be sure to keep daily notes about your dosage and symptoms.
 

Yes so I’d reduce the weight by .001 every five days which is slightly more than .05mg of the dosage. 

Quote

Nikki, you're working very hard, but we're have a hard time interpreting your daily symptom pattern. Please use a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom, drug and dosage) on the right.

 

Ok. 

Part of the problem is the problem there’s always been, it varies so much! My reactions are unpredictable, I never know what’s going to happen when I take the lexapro or the benzo.

Quote

Is it possible you're getting scared after taking the benzo? It's understandable, you've been through so much, but you need to be a saint and try not to add to your symptoms with your own fears.

 

A friend suggested this but it’s not my fear, I don’t think. Largely because it varies. Tonight I had very little reaction. Last night was very different. 

 

Sometimes I will admit to feeling desperate for the benzo because I’ve had such a horrific time with the akathisia so I don’t take it with fear then but might get a horrid surge after taking it, so bad my hands bend in towards my arms with agitation and my legs bend into my body.

Quote

I would like to see if the Lexapro can be reduced so this doesn't happen any more.

 

Yes. I had really hoped I could cut decent amounts regularly. I’m disheartened.

 

Will I ever get drug free and will the akathisia ever go?

 

Thank you Alto. 

 

Im sorry it’s hard to understand. I genuinely have no idea each day what’s in store and how I’ll respond to the drugs. But it is always miserable!

 

I will log things as you say.

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Altostrata

Don't worry, Nikki, we'll get this evened out. There was a time when you weren't sleeping, remember?

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Nikki74
20 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Don't worry, Nikki, we'll get this evened out. There was a time when you weren't sleeping, remember?

I know. I’m thankful for the sleep!!

 

I regret being on more benzo since then and thought I’d have made more progress.

 

so shall I start the micro taper soon? 

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Altostrata

You've made excellent progress, Nikki! Do not dismiss all the hard work you've done.

 

Yes, I would start reducing the Lexapro right off.

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Nikki74
16 hours ago, Altostrata said:

You've made excellent progress, Nikki! Do not dismiss all the hard work you've done.

 

Yes, I would start reducing the Lexapro right off.

Thank you Alto.

Here’s the first half of today’s journal. Akathisia v bad from waking.

8 hour sleep

8.15 wake up with a adrenaline surge, akathisia uncomfortable, whole body adrenaline; depression. 

Take 4.5mg lex, slight lowering in adrenaline and aka, drowsy head

8.50 back to how I felt before taking the lex

9.15 .43 Klonopin 

9.25 some muscle twitching, start shaking, akathisia surging, need to move legs

9.30 pacing 

Still pacing/ lying down and kicking, rocking at 12.40, gagging and nearly throwing up

1pm able to lie still but internal agitation still high

1.45 pacing/ lying down and moving again

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Altostrata

What about your evening notes, Nikki?

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Nikki74

2pm intense mental akathisia and dark intrusive thoughts, some feelings of rage, feeling scared and hopeless 

Pacing and need to move while lying down from exhaustion lasted until 4pm when things eased for a brief time.

5pm .375 Klonopin 

Needed to pace and move generally until 7.30pm

very restless evening unable to sit for long, feeling desperate 

10.30pm go to bed

11pm 15mg Mirtazipine 

slept until 7.30 when woken by dog; went back to sleep and woke late, 9.30am feeling akathisia rising

9.30am 4.5mg lexapro 

9.45 am increasing akathisia 

 

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Nikki74
20 hours ago, Altostrata said:

What about your evening notes, Nikki?

I’ve added them Alto.

Today is the same as yesterday.

Just intense akathisia and terror panic/ mental akathisia.

 

It’s very bad.

 

Did I kindle by reinstating that .25mg drop I made? I reinstated it a week ago yesterday after dropping it for four days. I’m really scared and cannot be still in body or mind, it’s extreme. 

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Altostrata

Nikki, I think you've been talking with Shep about dividing the clonazepam dosing more. That may be a better idea than changing the Lexapro right now. Please work on the clonazepam dosing with Shep.

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Nikki74
39 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Nikki, I think you've been talking with Shep about dividing the clonazepam dosing more. That may be a better idea than changing the Lexapro right now. Please work on the clonazepam dosing with Shep.

I did ask her months ago but she said it was ok. I’ll ask again.

 

so do you think reinstating the lexapro has caused problems? 

 

And you think hold on the lexapro now?

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Altostrata

It looks like both drugs are causing problems. Changing the clonazepam schedule might help some.

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Nikki74
11 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

It looks like both drugs are causing problems. Changing the clonazepam schedule might help some.

Yes I really feel and have felt that’s the case, the Klonopin has never been in agreement with me and I know I hit tolerance on the Zopiclone and diazepam very fast when on them. But it’s either tolerance or adverse/ paradoxical reaction to the benzo.

 

Taking both drugs is misery.

 

Its been driving me mad for months that feeling they’re both an issue, while trying to pin it on one, and not knowing how to get ‘out’ of the situation.

 

Are there any examples you know of, of others in this situation where two drugs were a problem and how did they proceed?

Will ask Shep about spacing the doses.

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Altostrata

I know, Nikki. But look how far you've come.

 

Yes, adjusting the benzo can help. It looks like the clonazepam doses you're taking are too big at once and causing paradoxical reactions. This means your nervous system is fighting back. If your doses were smaller, they might not irritate your nervous system this way.

 

Your nervous system is not happy with the Lexapro, either, but if we can get the clonazepam to do its job and not irritate your nervous system, that might reduce the Lexapro reaction. Then you can taper the Lexapro.

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Nikki74
23 hours ago, Altostrata said:

I know, Nikki. But look how far you've come.

 

Yes, adjusting the benzo can help. It looks like the clonazepam doses you're taking are too big at once and causing paradoxical reactions. This means your nervous system is fighting back. If your doses were smaller, they might not irritate your nervous system this way.

 

Your nervous system is not happy with the Lexapro, either, but if we can get the clonazepam to do its job and not irritate your nervous system, that might reduce the Lexapro reaction. Then you can taper the Lexapro.

Ok I understand.

 

I don’t know why but have messed up my clonazepam dose the last two days. I realise I’ve cut the morning one to .375. I think it’s the mess I’m in with agitation. I’m panicking now as that means I’ve done a benzo cut for two days. I’ve not done this before. Will this mess things up? I feel like this month’s been one big mess up on my behalf. 

 

I’m holding my hands up being perfectly honest. 

 

 

 

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manymoretodays

Hi Nikki,

I found this on your benzo thread from June 16th.  A similar error was made.

 

I know that this time it may have been two days.  Do you have post it type notes, or anything you can use to remind you to do the correct dosages?  That might help.  Set an alarm on your phone when it's time for a dose?   Get your new schedule on paper(that Shep worked out for you) here: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15945-nikki74-lexapro-kindling-akasthesia-mirtazipine-diazepam/?do=findComment&comment=373158

It just involves some time changes and then splitting doses.    Print it out, the schedule and put a date by the day one, and two, etc.  Then check off the doses as you take them.   Just some ideas for you.  If you have to repeat day one......that's okay.........you'll get there........

Can you pre measure your doses?  Maybe set up the next dose after you take the current one?  So it's all ready to go.

 

Things that might help with focus and confusion when feeling the agitation.   

Slow down and breathe(4-7-8) for a couple of breaths, before you do your dosing.  Pause.

 

Nikki, I was often confused when I first got here and made some mistakes in dosing too.

 

I'm hopeful that the accidental changed dosage, won't mess things up too much.

I'm guessing that some of the agitation/confusion/focus difficulties may be still due to the move.......and getting settled and adjusting to a big change.  Happy new home!

 

You have come a long, long way, like Altostrata said.  You are doing the best you can and are a super duper trooper!  Put your hands down and around and give yourself a big hug!  B)

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

Edited by manymoretodays
clarity

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manymoretodays

Nikki,

I did some editing on the ^.

If you click on the tags above your posts here for Lexapro or Klonopin or the Mirt.  you'll see a list of others who might be, or have been on similar combinations.

You've got really good advice in proceeding now.......but if you want to see others experiences that's one way to find others with similar combinations of meds.

 

 

Edited by manymoretodays

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Altostrata

This is a great idea:

 

50 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Set an alarm on your phone when it's time for a dose?   Get your new schedule on paper(that Shep worked out for you) here: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15945-nikki74-lexapro-kindling-akasthesia-mirtazipine-diazepam/?do=findComment&comment=373158

 

You can put all your doses and times into the calendar on your phone. This should remind you when you need to take each dose.

 

Follow Shep's schedule.

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Nikki74
1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

This is a great idea:

 

 

You can put all your doses and times into the calendar on your phone. This should remind you when you need to take each dose.

 

Follow Shep's schedule.

Thank you Alto and MMT

 

I’m struggling to see a life without akathisia and without drugs. 

 

It’s a miserable existence and I’ve been disabled by it for so long.

 

I hope I can taper the lexapro eventually as you say.

 

4 weeks into my .5mg drop, I got this lowering and I felt like sitting and watching tv like a normal person. The akathisia was still there but so low as to be a low level restlessness. Then after that afternoon/ evening things just went crazy with the akathisia. There’s so little relief.

 

I know people who had severe relentless akathisia but they healed eventually off all the drugs. They weren’t taperers, they got the akathisia after polydrugging and cold turkeyed the lot. Hell ensued for two years and then improvement and akathisia eventually gone.

 

No, I’m not going to cold turkey! But I’m just rambling about how so cannot see my way out to healing. 

 

Thank you for your support x

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manymoretodays
19 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

4 weeks into my .5mg drop, I got this lowering and I felt like sitting and watching tv like a normal person

 

This ^ is referring to your Lexapro taper on the July 9th.  Yay, hallelujah, and PTL!!!!!  Party streamers and balloons are in order!!!!  It actually went well.  If I were you, I'd certainly want to keep going with this taper and perhaps a bit more aggressively, as tolerated.

Do you have any options for ground support for CBT or meditation and relaxation exercises right now?  Or is that pretty limited where you are at?

 

For this week, starting yesterday.......if I were you I would work on getting your new clonazepam schedule going.  This very well may reduce the interaction between your Lex and Klonopin and improve things quite a bit.

 

........and then.......

I'm personally hoping you'll consider going liquid, with the Lexapro next.  I think it would be whole lot easier to make reductions that way.  I was trying to follow your micro taper by weighing here:  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15947-nikki74-lexapro-mirtazapine-diazepam-akathisia/?do=findComment&comment=372469

And I think that would just add to further confusion at this point for you(with accuracy)......... as well as us trying to keep up.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

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Nikki74
1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

 

This ^ is referring to your Lexapro taper on the July 9th.  Yay, hallelujah, and PTL!!!!!  Party streamers and balloons are in order!!!!  It actually went well.  If I were you, I'd certainly want to keep going with this taper and perhaps a bit more aggressively, as tolerated.

Do you have any options for ground support for CBT or meditation and relaxation exercises right now?  Or is that pretty limited where you are at?

 

For this week, starting yesterday.......if I were you I would work on getting your new clonazepam schedule going.  This very well may reduce the interaction between your Lex and Klonopin and improve things quite a bit.

 

........and then.......

I'm personally hoping you'll consider going liquid, with the Lexapro next.  I think it would be whole lot easier to make reductions that way.  I was trying to follow your micro taper by weighing here:  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15947-nikki74-lexapro-mirtazapine-diazepam-akathisia/?do=findComment&comment=372469

And I think that would just add to further confusion at this point for you(with accuracy)......... as well as us trying to keep up.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

Thank you mmt 

 

Yes that moment on that Friday was like a miracle (and lol at your celebrations in purple!). It didn’t go, the akathisia, but I had a normal ish feeling (with the odd flare of terror but minimal). The last time I had a miracle moment like that was actually after I’d cut the benzo in May. So it is a bit random.

 

I then had a weekend of being a bit more functional and then the bottom dropped out of my world as the akathisia went worse and worse, weeks 5 and 6 of the cut.

 

In desperation I tried a self directed .25mg cut in week 6 and oh my, the panic and terror and mental akathisia hit like a train and I reinstated after four days 😕 

 

But then I had five days of feeling like drawing for 20 minutes a day for the first time in all this. I’m an artist and briefly something switched back on. That was straight after reinstating the .25mg.

 

Then a week after reinstating. Utter hellish relentless akathisia pacing and moving alll day.

 

So I do not know.

 

I’m still worried my two day benzo drop this week is going to screw things up. Brain so sensitive. Have had migraine since righting the dose.

 

The Klonopin causes horrid depression too. Wish to God I was on lower dose.

 

But I started to move the benzo today.

 

Next Wednesday I have an appt with a neurologist my doctor has referred me to who specialises in movement disorders and is anti-drugs (phew). So perhaps he’ll at least validate my experience (not that it helps me) and give a guide on getting off these things too. Perhaps I’ll get the liquid lexapro as a result of that or make my own.

 

I had reeeeaaaalllly hoped I could drop the Lexapro quite aggressively like you say. I had hopes of eliminating that in not too long a taper. But that .25mg drop was crazy so fast.

 

I wake up with worse akathisia since cutting the lexapro and feel an intense craving for it even though I hate taking it! Is that just typical of wd?! 

 

Here endeth my reporting on the violent swings in this symptom and wds in recent weeks.Any of it make sense?

 

Thank you mmt xxx

Edited by Nikki74

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Nikki74

Last two days woken up with severe confusion and akathisia so severe. Shaking very badly. Staggering around. Don’t know what to do. Adrenaline going to intensely. Feel like my arms and legs are going to fly off. 

 

Feel like going to hospital but they can’t help me.

 

 

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manymoretodays

Hi Nikki,

Use the symptom, drug note format.  I'm not seeing one since Monday.  I know it seems tedious and you just want to scream........ 

It might very much help you to stay a bit organized, and decrease some of the panic and confusion.

It also really, truly helps us to help you.

 

I'm still not seeing the 4.5 mg decrease dosage of Lexapro clearly in your signature.  And I couldn't tell if you were still on the Mirtazapine until I scrolled on up to read your last symptom, drug entry.

 

Does this help?  Just so it's really clear, at a glance, what you are currently on

2017 July Mirtazapine 15 mg to present

2018 16 May clonazepam (post your entire daily dosage, you could put into parentheses split dosing)

9 July Lexapro(or escitalopram) 4.5 mg

 

So sorry you are still feeling the worst or of the worst.  I'd use your weighted blanket at times like you describe above.  I found rocking to help........a rocking chair is nice, but if you don't have one.....try it in any chair or while standing.

The neurologist appointment next week sounds good.......try not to get your hopes up too high as for immediate relief.......and yes, hopeful that you'll get some validation of your experiences.  That's all over the site Nikki.  See, if perhaps you could get some approval(UK insurance wise) to get to some groups or individual sessions, to teach and practice coping skills.

Can you get to your boxes in storage in the next week or two.  I don't think it would be too hard to liquify your Lex yourself.  Just make sure that you keep up with prescriptions and don't run out of anything for now.

 

Oh......keep using your art work to express yourself as well.  That's super that you are an artist.  Use your creative mind to take you to place of relaxation and healing. 

 

21 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

I wake up with worse akathisia since cutting the lexapro and feel an intense craving for it even though I hate taking it! Is that just typical of wd?!

 

That's typical of W/D........it sure is.......kind of distorted thinking, and it's also typical of  a bit of a psychological craving, for the last thing that brought even short term relief.

Oh Nikki........stay strong.  Today.......day 2 of your new schedule?

 

It's morning here.  What time is it in Newton Abbot?

Your postings make sense......I followed.  Hugs again.......those help contain some of the inner irritability and angst too for me........I've got to go hug my tree soon.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

 

Edited by manymoretodays

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Nikki74
2 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi Nikki,

Use the symptom, drug note format.  I'm not seeing one since Monday.  I know it seems tedious and you just want to scream........ 

It might very much help you to stay a bit organized, and decrease some of the panic and confusion.

It also really, truly helps us to help you.

 

Ok will post tomorrow just been frantic last two days with akathisia 

2 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

I'm still not seeing the 4.5 mg decrease dosage of Lexapro clearly in your signature.  And I couldn't tell if you were still on the Mirtazapine until I scrolled on up to read your last symptom, drug entry.

I did put it there. It’s been hard to fit stuff in as it says too many lines so I have to abbreviate.

2 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Does this help?  Just so it's really clear, at a glance, what you are currently on

2017 July Mirtazapine 15 mg to present

2018 16 May clonazepam (post your entire daily dosage, you could put into parentheses split dosing)

9 July Lexapro(or escitalopram) 4.5 mg

 

Shall I erase some of previous drug history so I can fit more updated stuff in?

 

Mirtazipine 15mg started April 2017, then doubled to 30mg for 3 or 4 weeks in July, then cut back to 15mg end of July

 

End Jan 2018 1mg clonazepam started. Now on .805, .43 am (working on Shep’s new dosing for it) and .375 5pm 

 

2nd July cut to 4.5mg Lexapro 

2 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

So sorry you are still feeling the worst or of the worst.  I'd use your weighted blanket at times like you describe above.  I found rocking to help........a rocking chair is nice, but if you don't have one.....try it in any chair or while standing.

The neurologist appointment next week sounds good.......try not to get your hopes up too high as for immediate relief.......and yes, hopeful that you'll get some validation of your experiences.  That's all over the site Nikki.  See, if perhaps you could get some approval(UK insurance wise) to get to some groups or individual sessions, to teach and practice coping skills.

Can you get to your boxes in storage in the next week or two.  I don't think it would be too hard to liquify your Lex yourself.  Just make sure that you keep up with prescriptions and don't run out of anything for now.

Will have to reorder as storage is many miles away and I’m housebound.

2 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Oh......keep using your art work to express yourself as well.  That's super that you are an artist.  Use your creative mind to take you to place of relaxation and healing. 

 

Ok but impossible when akathisia so severe. I miss it

2 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

That's typical of W/D........it sure is.......kind of distorted thinking, and it's also typical of  a bit of a psychological craving, for the last thing that brought even short term relief.

Oh Nikki........stay strong.  Today.......day 2 of your new schedule?

 

It's morning here.  What time is it in Newton Abbot?

Your postings make sense......I followed.  Hugs again.......those help contain some of the inner irritability and angst too for me........I've got to go hug my tree soon.

 

Its evening here x

2 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

 

Sorry to be brief just absolutely agitated beyond words xxxxx

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Nikki74

Saturday 25th

7 hour’s broken sleep

woke 7am with extreme adrenaline, immediate pacing, confusion, shaking, intense adrenaline making me feel like I’m going to pee myself, very scared, can’t stop pacing

8am 4.5mg lexapro, slight reduction in symptoms for half an hour then continues as above

10am .43 clonazepam (day one of Shep’s programme). Zero sedation.

This was the worst day with akathisia I’ve had since January, intense all day. 

12 noon brief lowering able to lie down then 12.30 off again

The pacing, rocking, crying, adrenaline surges continued all day, scared out of my mind, very suicidal feeling, very scary, I do not want to act on that, I do not want that, it’s just so intense and being on so many drugs and never having had a break from akathisia and it getting worse as I go along now, it feels like I’m in an impossible situation. Baylissa says many have tapered off multiple drugs with severe akathisia. I try to repeat I am healing I am healing. Head squeezing/ brain zaps through the day too.

5pm .375 clonazepam 

6pm able to stand and wash some dishes and put food in oven but not able to sit

continued pacing etc into the evening until 9pm Horrific day but now able to sit uncomfortably 

10.30 bed

11pm 15mg Mirtazipine

 

Sunday 26th 

Slept 9 hour’s with one wake up at 5am

woke without the intense surges of yday and Friday but akathisia present as always 

8am 4.5mg lexapro, brief sedation able to lie in bed uncomfortably, then lower level akathisia than yesterday but still need to sit and rock

11am .43 clonazepam, some sedation 

 

Minimal pacing today but rocking and crying, shaking but nowhere near as bad as last two days. Still very uncomfortable with akathisia though but more at my usual level.

 

Much lower akathisia and less distress by late afternoon.

 

5pm .375 clonazepam, quite sedating, feel a bit of a zombie and quite slow. 

 

Able to watch some tv this evening, never truly focussed but able to take some of it in.

 

10.30 bed

11pm 15 mg Mirtazipine

slept 

 

I feel like making the .25 lex cut and reinstating it after 4 days really messed things up, then my two days of lower benzo dose Tuesday and Wednesday this past week absolutely sent me into chaos on top of it. Things were getting rough before I tried the lex cut. Definitely getting worse with the akathisia. Then the cut was so severe so fast with panic and terror and mental akathisia worsening, I reinstated. A week after reinstating it, akathisia went severe. I accidentally dropped the benzo dose two days and it’s just been horrendous.

 

Monday 27th 

Woke at 5am, broken sleep til 8am, woke shaking badly with akathisia, adrenaline but not as severe as Saturday, some head squeezing

8am 4.5 lex, slight lowering

8.30 pacing and shaking very badly, adrenaline going

 

 

Edited by Nikki74
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manymoretodays
On 8/25/2018 at 12:00 PM, Nikki74 said:

Shall I erase some of previous drug history so I can fit more updated stuff in?

 

Just condense a bit.  Highlight perhaps, just bold black is best.  As much as I like color and purple hues.......it CAN be hard on the eyes.  Especially when we are scanning through multiple members information and updates.   You should have 12 lines to work with. 

Thoughts with you for your neurologist appointment.  Have you ever seen Ian Singleton?  I watched a video this morning that had him in it.  I really enjoyed seeing the state of his desk.......so much like mine at present.  Even with the computer......I need my books and papers!!!  Baylissa was on it too. 

 

7 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

I feel like making the .25 lex cut and reinstating it after 4 days really messed things up, then my two days of lower benzo dose Tuesday and Wednesday this past week absolutely sent me into chaos on top of it. Things were getting rough before I tried the lex cut. Definitely getting worse with the akathisia. Then the cut was so severe so fast with panic and terror and mental akathisia worsening, I reinstated. A week after reinstating it, akathisia went severe. I accidentally dropped the benzo dose two days and it’s just been horrendous.

 

mental akathisia worsening........yes, the mental obsessions are tough.  Breathe.  Focus on the space between the breath too and the moments or hours that you ARE having of relief.  AAF.  And all the self comfort you can do now.  Can you use some headphones or earbuds and just listen to music a bit or one of the guided meditations.  Grab an ice cube too.......when it's really intense........or do the face plunge into some iced water in a basin or sink.  That will shift you fast at the vagal level.  It might help.

 

Good job on day 1 of Shep's schedule too!  As well as drug and symptom logs.   That's your main job to accomplish this week.  And hopefully the rest will settle a bit.  Then, once again.......we can get a better picture.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

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Nikki74
27 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

 

Just condense a bit.  Highlight perhaps, just bold black is best.  As much as I like color and purple hues.......it CAN be hard on the eyes.  Especially when we are scanning through multiple members information and updates.   You should have 12 lines to work with. 

I think the problem is I’m using my phone, I no longer have access to a laptop, so it doesn’t seem to allow long lines as the space is narrow and you end up with 20 narrow lines. Argh! Also I can’t seem to find my signature using the phone format unless someone kindly puts a link to it.

 

 

27 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Thoughts with you for your neurologist appointment.  Have you ever seen Ian Singleton?

Yes, I’ve seen those videos, and I speak to Ian daily when the phone lines are open. He’s keen for me to be getting off the benzo but also said if I want to do the lexapro then do that but his approach is .5mg cuts every 6 weeks for the lexapro or 1mg (diazepam equivalent) cuts on the Klonopin every 4 weeks and just get the heck off. He’s a lovely, lovely man. Just wish the akathisia would allow me to do those things! I phone as there’s no one else to talk to in wd. Apart from Baylissa but you have to make an appt.

27 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

I watched a video this morning that had him in it.  I really enjoyed seeing the state of his desk.......so much like mine at present.  Even with the computer......I need my books and papers!!!  Baylissa was on it too. 

 

 

mental akathisia worsening........yes, the mental obsessions are tough. 

 

Mental akathisia isn’t obsessions, it’s your head in such absolute agitation and terror it’s impossible to do anything but breathe and hold on. Though of course I have obsessive stuff sometimes too.

27 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

 

Breathe.  Focus on the space between the breath too and the moments or hours that you ARE having of relief

Thank you x

Never relief from some level of akathisia unless the benzo brings it down a bit.  I’ve been doing my breathing and repeating affirmations.

27 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

.  AAF.  And all the self comfort you can do now.  Can you use some headphones or earbuds and just listen to music a bit or one of the guided meditations.  Grab an ice cube too.......when it's really intense........or do the face plunge into some iced water in a basin or sink.  That will shift you fast at the vagal level.  It might help.

Will try the ice cube and face on cold water.

 

27 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Good job on day 1 of Shep's schedule too!  As well as drug and symptom logs.   That's your main job to accomplish this week.  And hopefully the rest will settle a bit.  Then, once again.......we can get a better picture.

 

Thank you mmt. 

 

It seems whatever I cut brings worse akathisia. So I’m discouraged and scared. 

27 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

Xxx

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manymoretodays

How to add or edit your signature

  1. Click on this link to open the correct page in User Settings:
    Create Your Signature in "Account Settings"
    2017-June 12 update: link works on desktop, tablet and mobile phone versions
     
  2. Enter your signature in the space provided.
  3. When you are done, Click on the big black Save button at the bottom.
     

If the link isn't working, follow these steps:

  1. Click on the small downward arrow next to your name in the top right corner of any page.
  2. Select Account Settings from the list.
  3. On the left of the Account Settings page, click on the Signature tab. You will be able to add or edit your signature.
  4. Click on the big black Save button at the bottom when you are done.

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Nikki74
1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

How to add or edit your signature

  1. Click on this link to open the correct page in User Settings:
    Create Your Signature in "Account Settings"
    2017-June 12 update: link works on desktop, tablet and mobile phone versions
     
  2. Enter your signature in the space provided.
  3. When you are done, Click on the big black Save button at the bottom.
     

If the link isn't working, follow these steps:

  1. Click on the small downward arrow next to your name in the top right corner of any page.
  2. Select Account Settings from the list.
  3. On the left of the Account Settings page, click on the Signature tab. You will be able to add or edit your signature.
  4. Click on the big black Save button at the bottom when you are done.

Thank you mmt. Have tried to make it clearer.

 

Can’t find arrow by my name in top right corner of page, I used the link.

 

I’m just pasting something here that I saw in my profile post when I joined: 

 

‘BUT I have worsening Akasthesia through all this. Diazepam seems to worsen it’

 

Im afraid I’ve gone further down the benzo track now and this continues to be a problem. 

 

 

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