Nikki74: Lexapro mirtazapine diazepam akathisia

[manymoretodays]

Nikki74:  Signature as was on the 8th of October in 2019.

2009-2011 Mirt 45mg plus clonaz as needed 

2011 November Start Lexapro   2016 June reduced from 20 mg to 15 mg

2016 June 201 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin 100 mg

2017 January,  on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregabalin,  April, added 15 mg mirtazapine. June stopped Pregablin after 2 week taper.  Stopped Lexapro after 3week taper.  July mirtazapine 30 mg.  Diazepam 2-4

End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonaz, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm

16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

 

Niks,  I'm going to rework your signature with recent updates to it now.  And will link it back to this post when finished.

 

[manymoretodays]

Okay.  Updated your signature.......not the greatest, but geeze look at mine!!!!

And.......any chance you would want to break from the Lexapro taper, and try for the smaller doses of clonazepam, spread a bit differently?  I mean it might help.  We could take a pause from Lexapro, and work on liquifying the clonazepam if you want.  That might make it easier to do the smaller dosages of clonazepam.  I think it's worth a try. 

Before you quit posting, this was suggested: 

Oh and Nikki, so sorry your son is experiencing some difficulties with anxiety now.  However, I am so pleased to hear that he will come to you with his concerns and fears too.  I am......holding him close.......and keeping him safe........in my heart and prayers with you.  Rooting for him.  And you.

 

I'll pop this on in for conferencing on now.   Meantime.......sending you the best of the best of all intentions.  And healing.....darn it.  Good job with the skills.  And this is no time of year for you to be getting stuck or mired in symptoms and hopelessness.  Things can change.  For.......the........better!!!!  Always.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

[Nikki74]

Hi @manymoretodays

I thought I’d posted a response back in October. I’ve been off again for sometime. Simply dealing with the non stop akathisia and trying to support my son. 

 

Thank you for your reply to me back then. I decided against breaking up my clonazepam doses as I know when I’ve tried, even smaller doses can be terrible. And I couldn’t face 5 possible bad reactions a day.

 

I ended up cutting as follows:

 

start Nov 2019 cut .125 Lexapro to 2.62mg 

I had been absolutely severe for 11 weeks before this cut, then gradually things improved after that cut (I use the term loosely as akathisia never once has left still and I have many many other symptoms including worse physical disability and pain). But by mid December I was not in the intense crisis kind of state. Still housebound and akathisia and fatigue main symptoms.

 

December 30th things suddenly got very bad again. I probably stupidly then cut:

5th January 2020, to about 2.55mg lexapro (I was cutting off 47.5% and went to cutting 49%; but this is very hard to weigh accurately as it’s about .001g and weights fluctuate even if I calibrate/ use weight as well/ use three sets of scales to check and triple check). 

 

Since then it’s been severe, I thought such a small cut would be gentler but not so.

 

so I don’t know where to go from here. Month 31 since the cts that started the akathisia and severe wds. No closer to healing and very far from drug free.

 

I’m wondering if getting off is the right thing at all even though I do not want any of these drugs.

 

I hear people doing very long holds and improving.

 

I really thought I was starting to stabilise at Christmas then bam, back to hell level.

 

Akathisia and zero windows(though the heat improvement I’d had at Christmas) and now barely being able to cut  months at a time... what does one do? 

 

Nervous to post as I’ve not done the clonazepam change and have been off the site again. 

 

I see peoplr off the drugs or v low and still suffering years out with akathisia. Here I am 31 months in and still on:

2.55 lexapro

0.78 clonazepam 

15mg Mirtazipine 

 

Nikki x

[manymoretodays]

So good to hear from you Nikki74.  Back in a flash, or as soon as I can,  to give a decent response to your update.

 

(((((((Nikki74)))))))

[Nikki74]

Hi

I am at my wits end after 31 months of non stop akathisia that is now so severe in my body and mind that I can barely eat and I exist in relentless torment. The adrenaline and panic with it and all over movements, the terror and confusion, beyond description.

 

due to shortages of drugs here in the uk I have experienced numerous brand changes of all my drugs. The latest was a fourth Mirtazipine change 2 weeks ago. This has been horrific making the akathisia worse, giving me acid stomach, nausea, vomiting, sweating, intense reactions when I dose and the akathisia has reached extreme levels in the day. Some nights I sleep with it but others I don’t. I wake in extreme akathisia and terror.

 

i have been prescribed another brand in case it’s better (I had no problems before) but I’m too scared to take it.

 

there is no positive spin on any of this. The fact I’ve survived this far is a miracle. My body and mind can’t take much more but what can I do? 

 

What exactly am I fighting for as I’m unable to get off any drugs and am heading for my fourth summer in constant akathisia. 

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Nikki74,

And oh Nikki. 

4 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

due to shortages of drugs here in the uk I have experienced numerous brand changes of all my drugs. The latest was a fourth Mirtazipine change 2 weeks ago. This has been horrific making the akathisia worse, giving me acid stomach, nausea, vomiting, sweating, intense reactions when I dose and the akathisia has reached extreme levels in the day. Some nights I sleep with it but others I don’t. I wake in extreme akathisia and terror.

 

i have been prescribed another brand in case it’s better (I had no problems before) but I’m too scared to take it.

 

A 4th mirtazapine change??  In how long of a time period?

Have both the Lexapro(excitalopram) and clonazepam been changed as well?

 

Nikki, you may find some consolation here, in this piece that brassmonkey posted not too long ago:

Myths About Your Drugs

It aint neccessarily so.

 

However, if you have been experiencing significant new symptoms around the changes in formulation of your drugs......it is not all in your head, and sometimes the switches can be bumpy.  Try not to let fear rule you Nikki74.  It may take a few weeks to adjust to the new formulation, but perhaps it will be better somehow.

 

Have you been able to HOLD on any tapering during this time?  I sure would be.

 

More discussion around this here too:  Change in drug manufacturer or generic substitutes

And it doesn't sound like you have too much choice in the matter. 

 

On 1/10/2020 at 9:10 AM, Nikki74 said:

I see peoplr off the drugs or v low and still suffering years out with akathisia. Here I am 31 months in and still on:

2.55 lexapro

0.78 clonazepam 

15mg Mirtazipine 

 

You sure have done well on your Lexapro taper, to date.

Are you still dosing the Lexapro in the morning and mirtazapine at bedtime, or in the p.m.?

 

I know you are aware of the interactions between these two drugs, or am assuming that we've gone over them before.  In anycase, I'll post a link to your Drug interaction report again, here.

 

Do you want to do some daily notes again?  I don't really want you to make any drug changes while you are adjusting to new formulations.  Hopefully just to the new mirtazapine now.  But it might be helpful in seeing progress, as time goes by.

 

What, if anything, helps right now.....in the way of non-drug coping skills? 

 

And is your environment as stress free as possible right now?  Enough to eat, roof over your head, and is your son doing okay?  Any outside help that you can count on, presently?

 

Don't be giving up on hope now Nikki!  I mean you have had some windows in 31 months, however fleeting........I think you have had some.  Focus on healing, not all the negatives and fear thoughts as best you can now.  Okay?

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals may be helpful.

 

And your breathing, use that 4, 7, 8 breathing, when you need to and feel panicked.

 

Are you sleeping okay still?

Getting out at all?  Even occasionally getting out WILL help, if you can find some safe places to go.  Otherwise things just magnify in isolation.

 

"Many of the symptoms of withdrawal syndrome arise from autonomic nervous system dysfunction. The distressed nervous system itself can generate intense uncomfortable feelings -- see Neuro emotions

 

The best way to treat this is to help your nervous system to repair itself, to return to its "factory-installed" state. Recovery from withdrawal syndrome is gradual, inconsistent, and can take a long time. In the meantime, you can help your nervous system heal by using non-drug techniques to lessen your anxiety about your condition, deal with long-standing emotional issues, and cope with symptoms.

 

You may also get anxious or depressed about having odd symptoms because you have beliefs that add to your distress, such as a feeling of helplessness or being a failure. Or, you may feel strong emotions as the drugs no longer mask underlying emotional pain."

(quoted from the first post by Alto, in the non- drug techniques to cope topic)

 

I know a lot of this might sound trite right now........and you are feeling quite distressed.  I'm so sorry Nikki.  Do take a look again through the list in that last link though, and see if there is something/ anything that might appeal to you now, to try. 

You can do this Nikki!  Is the UK running pretty short on daylight now, like we are in the U.S.?  You know, good old wintertime?  Sometimes that can intensify symptoms too, the shorter days and very variable sunlight.

 

Okay......glad you posted Nikki and I had not forgotten you........had a mild late wave myself and then just became really busy with catch up, both here and on the ground.  In a good place now......out of that wave and all.

 

Keep on updating please.  And okay, so you could not do the clonazepam changes back then.  Let's just let you and your system settle on in with the newest changes in formulation.  Try a few notes if you can, drugs and symptoms.......it may be helpful not only to us, but to you as well.

 

And all for now.  (((((((Nikki74))))))  You are A TROOPER!  And things always do get better.  I know it doesn't seem like that right now, but it will.  Soon.  Waving my wand!

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[Nikki74]

Thank you for replying mmt xx

 

Ive had Mirtazipine generic (what I call brand) change every 2 months for past 8 months. Absolutely nothing can be done about it and believe me, I’ve phoned every pharmacy in my region, had conversations with pharmacists, phoned manufacturers... there are unprecedented shortages so pharmacies are supplied whatever generic is available. I also had clonazepam changed mid November and that was awful but nothing has bad as this particular Mirtazipine.

 

Lexapro I had a change last June for one month then back to my original generic since.

 

Last night I took the new brand I was prescribed because of the reactions I’ve been having to the previous ‘bad’ one for two weeks. But I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing? 

 

This one is perhaps a more common name generic that might mean it will be more available. Plus it looks much more like previous pills I’ve had and is the one I think I was on for a long time before changes started to happen (I think, because the manufacturer is in my county and I remember seeing that on a drug box in the past). I just felt like I couldn’t swallow another one of the ‘bad’ one. Am I doing the right thing though? 

 

I will write more 

 

am i really going to be ok one day? If akathisia has never left (though I had such a lowering in December and some things can’t back briefly like ability to watch a movie, basic stuff, and I looked better too)

Edited February 9, 2020 by Nikki74

[Nikki74]

Further notes in response to your reply mmt:

 

No I haven’t tapered anything since I cut 2% lexapro 5th January.

 

Yes I have had significant stress in my life:

I pay for private home help and carer support as I’m badly disabled by wd. I am facing financial difficulties because of it. There is no free help from the government and I have no one in my family or friends to support me. 

 

My lomg term carer told me just after Christmas that she was leaving the care agency. So I have just lost her. I now have two new carers from the agency. It’s v stressful as my symptoms are so bad and I have to deal with new people and explaining what’s happening to me.

 

Then the lady I have who comes to do all my chores (and who has become like a family member) told me she has to have an operation and will be unavailable for 8+ weeks. So I’ve had to find someone new and it’s another complete stranger coming in.

 

Ive also has numerous issues with things in my rental home. One of them being my oven broke and I was eventually supplied with a replacement. The new one gave off extremely toxic overwhelming fumes which I was told is thewaywith new ovens due to a coating put on in the factory. I had to do numerous ‘burn offs’ with the oven on and house ventilated. It was sickening fumes. I now can use the small oven but it still has some fumes. The main oven is too toxic with the fan to do and so I can’t use it. The supplier said to keep doing the burn off and it will clear. I can’t tolrrate it so am waiting for summer to try again. But I’m so sensitive and it’s been horrible and I worry the lesser fumes now from the small oven are in some way bad for my wd state. But can’t do anything as have to cook!

 

other stuff too. A lot of change and in my highly revved akathisia state,  with adrenaline and panic from akathisia and intense shaking, It’s been detrimental. 

 

To think how resilient I used to be!

 

My Mum, my only adult support, is battling cancer a second time (it’s incurable but treatment brings it down).

 

My son is still suffering anxiety and receiving counselling. 

 

The weather you mentioned, I prefer these short days and winter as sunshine and heat are too much for me. Bright light and sunny days make my terror etc worse and also are deeply painful as I can’t feel the beauty or be out in it. The akathisia and everything was just as severe in the summer. 

 

I used to be such a lover of spring and summer. 

 

I cope by surviving. The frantic level akathisia reaches means I pace, shake, move every part of me in deep deep distress and SI. The mental akathisia where my brain never stops and feels like it wants to escape my head is perhaps even worse than physical. It is constant as I cannot just be in my head as it’s non stop whirring. It just varies in level. At worst which is always some part of everyday, all I can do is clutch my head, pull at my hair, cry, and hold onto myself to stay safe. 

 

At best i can stare at tv while my mental akathisia whirs constantly in the background and my body vibrates and burns with internal akathisia. 

 

Tapering makes it all worse.

Dosing any of the drugs can cause surges/ worsening.

 

I don’t know anymore if there will be recovery for me from this mental and physical torment 🙏

[Nikki74]

Also note that dosing the drugs can bring things down too. Not by much but it’s like my brain is desperate for them.

 

it feels that my cns is being yo yo’d Always with Mirtazipine then clonazepam. And underneath is this insane akathisia if I’m even a bit late to take a dose of anything. 

 

Then when I’m really bad it’s just insane regardless of drugs, zero relief.

[Nikki74]

Also note that dosing the drugs can bring things down too. Not by much but it’s like my brain is desperate for them.

 

it feels that my cns is being yo yo’d Always with Mirtazipine then clonazepam. And underneath is this insane akathisia if I’m even a bit late to take a dose of anything. 

 

Then when I’m really bad it’s just insane regardless of drugs, zero relief.

[Nikki74]

Something is very wrong with the Mirtazipine now.

 

Since the swap to another generic (Milpharm; my fourth generic in 8 months) two weeks ago:

 

when I dose I get adrenaline surges, violent intrusives and terror, flashbacks repeating, high heart rate, panic. Burning inside or burning head. Twitching, feel my face will start moving uncontrollably.

 

Fall asleep after 2-3 hours (2am)

 

some nights sleep til 8 am 

 

wake with exploding physical akathisia, full body shaking and mental symptoms as above

 

extreme diarrhoea 

 

rage feelings and intense mental symptoms, violent intrusives 

 

pace, rock, extreme akathisia all day with adrenaline and panic, si, confusion, nausea, heart racing. Nausea and gagging. Burning head. 

 

other nights I wake repeatedly. Heart racing. Shaking. Adrenaline. One night I vomited. Another few nights I sweated so much I was soaking. 

 

Out of desperation i have started on another generic (Accord, a more common one) supplied by my dr to try. The first night (Saturday) was much better and yesterday (Sunday) was less intense.

 

Took dose last night and the same thing has happened to when I was on the other generic. Severe.

 

I had no problems dosing this drug before this change and would sleep through the night for 8 hours. I’d wake in akathisia that lasts all day as it has since 2017 but this is another level that I’ve previously only experienced with a .25 or .5mg cut from lexapro.

 

This drug used to be my only relief from akathisia and my only rest. 

 

I dont know what to do.

I don’t know what has happened with this drug.

 

I really need help. Please. X

 

nb I’ve experienced all these symptoms as part of wd anyway it’s just the nature of taking the Mirtazipine has changed and the way it affects me through the night and how the akathisia has become so extreme which normally.on happens with a reduction.

Edited February 10, 2020 by Nikki74

[Nikki74]

Log

 

11 pm 15mg Mirtazipine 

adrenal surges, panic, intrusives, mental akathisia racing, urges to hit myself (I get this with the akathisia at a certain level), needed to eat a lot, finally drowsy by 2am

 

2am slept

 

5am awake, panic, mind racing, heart pounding. Put on relaxing music. Dozed in and out until 8am

 

8am akathisia starting to surge, si intrusives, violent intrusives, flashbacks, confusion, extreme fear, still drowsy in head, depression, still in bed scared to move

 

10am extreme panic and akathisia 

2.57mg lexapro Made me drowsy but still very uncomfortable with akathisia and mental symptoms racing, still in bed 

 

10.30 take .25mg clonazepam 

drowsy but symptoms continue as above just a bit lower

 

11.30 hurled out of bed by movement akathisia, panic and terror, adrenaline, shaking

 

diarrhoea 

 

11.45 one cigarette (try to resist but cravings too strong)

brings cravings and intensity down a little 

 

Eat eggs and rice cake

 

try to rest under heated blanket but akathisia too strong so have to move. Gut gurgling and agitated (this is pretty constant with the internal all over akathisia; gut gurgling been worse for two weeks since mirt change).

 

12.45 cigarette

 

standing and shifting weight side to side, wringing hands, heart racing, panic, extreme fear.

 

13.00

try to rest in bed and read showbiz stuff online,  but akathisia prevents rest and ability to concentrate for long, able to lie with legs moving, chest bursting, limbs extremely agitated - it is the same every single day (unless it’s next level like several days recently where I am crying hysterically - not controllable as part of akathisia-  with extreme akathisia and adrenaline forcing crazy movements to point of collapse). 

 

13.25

Bowels surging like will have diarrhoea again, gut acidic and raging, feel will vomit but don’t. Keeps doing this over and over. 

 

13.35 Head bobbing side to side (have had this since July 2019 but it stopped for a time in December). Akathisia continues and have to pace.

 

13.45 cigarette 

 

13.55 able to lie down but heart racing, nausea, akathisia internal at high level. Hands twitching. Body shaking. Mind looping as always. Try to comfort myself, tell myself I am safe. 

 

14.05 things come down briefly by a notch 

 

14.10 talk to son briefly and everything surges up again.

 

shaking all over, head bobbing, jelly shaking legs, dizziness.

 

14.30 .25mg clonazepam 

 

14.50 mind numb but still looping, symptoms come down a few notches but feel cut off and depressed. Zombie. Causes panic feeling as feel trapped in zombie state. Aka inside lower but not able to function even at this level. Head looping despite zombie feeling. Collapse in bed as can’t hold self up. Stare into space feeling hideous. Detached. Scared. 

 

This is my life. This is how it is every single day. With varying levels of intensity. This would be classed as the best it gets.

 

I am sick of drugs, akathisia, not progressing, seeing no improvement in two and a half years.

Will continue... 

 

 

What’s going on with Mirtazipine? 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 10, 2020 by manymoretodays
just bolded medications

[manymoretodays]

4 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

Also note that dosing the drugs can bring things down too. Not by much but it’s like my brain is desperate for them.

 

it feels that my cns is being yo yo’d Always with Mirtazipine then clonazepam. And underneath is this insane akathisia if I’m even a bit late to take a dose of anything. 

 

Then when I’m really bad it’s just insane regardless of drugs, zero relief.

 

23 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

No I haven’t tapered anything since I cut 2% lexapro 5th January.

 

Hi Nikki74,

And thankyou for all the information above.  And ugh, oh so sorry it has been so very difficult.

 

Is there any chance at all that the pharmacist/chemist/druggist could get you the brand/maker of mirtazapine that you were on before things got notably worse?  And I don't know, what's going on with the mirtazapine right now.  I know your sleep used to be preserved.  So this really stinks.  Sleep can be so very healing.

 

The other possibility is that you ARE experiencing some acute WD now from your last cut of Lexapro on January 5th.  When I saw you noted GI distress......that's what brought that to mind.  What were you on prior to the 2% taper, in milligrams/mg, of the Lexapro?  And then what are you on now?  I mean it's possible that your tapers kind of caught up with you, cummulatively too?  You'd be just about 4-5 weeks out now, from the last Lexapro taper?

 

Good that you get at least some relief when you take your meds/drugs.

Nikki, try and do one more day of the notes too please.  Thank you.  And then I'll see if anyone else sees or comes up with something that might be helpful to you.  Okay?  I may go up to your last post and just do some bolding now too.

 

Meantime, sending healing, healing, comfort, comfort, and some peace and quiet to your system now......

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

[Nikki74]

1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

 

5 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

Also note that dosing the drugs can bring things down too. Not by much but it’s like my brain is desperate for them.

 

it feels that my cns is being yo yo’d Always with Mirtazipine then clonazepam. And underneath is this insane akathisia if I’m even a bit late to take a dose of anything. 

 

Then when I’m really bad it’s just insane regardless of drugs, zero relief.

 

On 2/9/2020 at 4:22 PM, Nikki74 said:

No I haven’t tapered anything since I cut 2% lexapro 5th January.

 

Hi Nikki74,

And thankyou for all the information above.  And ugh, oh so sorry it has been so very difficult.

 

Is there any chance at all that the pharmacist/chemist/druggist could get you the brand/maker of mirtazapine that you were on before things got notably worse?  And I don't know, what's going on with the mirtazapine right now.  I know your sleep used to be preserved.  So this really stinks.  Sleep can be so very healing.

 

Mmt, thank you so much for replying. 

 

Unfortunately there is absolutely no chance of getting the brand I was last ok on. The situation here in UK is dire regarding drugs. I have fought and fought to try to get it, phoned every single pharmacy in my district. None of them have it or can get it. Neither can they guarantee I will be able to get any brand I find I’m ok on. This new one though that I started on Saturday is one that a lot of pharmacies had in at time of calling round. Because of our national health service, we have no choice. They are sent only what is available and cheapest. So I am at wits end with whole thing as I’m on three drugs this can happen with too. So what do I do? 

 

I was on 2.62mg lexapro then cut the smallest I could weigh. 

 

The pill weighed .048mg (at 2.62mg) and I went to .047, which is 2.57.

 

The whole pill weighs either .092 or .091, I subtract 48.5% and it’s .047 

 

its very hard to get it to weigh that but I do my best.

 

It could be just that the cut is hitting me now. They usually do get worse at the 4 week mark. Apart from the one in November which got better! Although at 8 weeks it got worse, then I cut  

 

So you think instead of Mirtazipine causing problems it could be this cut? 

 

I felt that all my cuts caught up last Sept/October, then I held in utter hell for 11 weeks and made a .125mg cut in November. I then got a sudden lowering in December. This ended 30th December and I cut in a bad state 5th January the smallest cut I’ve ever made (and outlined above). It hit me like a train and it’s been worse hell! Now the Mirtazipine issue on top.

 

I feel there is no way out for me mmt  xxx

 

Ps will post the rest of today’s log later x

 

pps My doctor has said I’m on such low doses if I’m having problems I could just stop taking the Mirtazipine and the lexapro. I explained why I can’t but he won’t lisyen so I have to be very careful asking for more prescriptions due to bad reactions. My supportive Dr left before Christmas and all the other Drs in the practice are very ignorant.

Edited February 10, 2020 by Nikki74
Extra comments

[Nikki74]

Log continued...

(sorry I can’t make font smaller, I cut and pasted this in)

 

15.15 symptoms start to surge up more, heart rate rises, nausea, panic, akathisia, legs moving,  violent intrusives, extreme si intrusives (these are everyday, they almost completely left for a couple weeks in December). 

 

This whole experience is so far from who I am and was. I was a calm, patient creative. I’ve never felt this sort of stuff before this.

 

16.15 cigarette

Able to lie on sofa with tv on. Internal aka and low panic. Ocd symptoms when watching tv. 

 

Symptoms get very intense again. Extremely weak and dizzy and shaking. 

 

17.20 cigarette

Chest pain fleeting 

 

Just utter despair with akathisia 

 

18.00 eat fish and vegetables, hard as can’t focus due to agitation

 

18.15 .28mg clonazepam 

Drowsy but very depressed 

 

18.40 cigarette 

 

19.00 extreme si, urges, intrusives, panic, don’t feel safe, despair, intense inner aka 

 

20.00 cigarette 

 

20.30 some lowering and collapse exhausted.

 

21.00 much worse, everything so bad, panic, akathisia, shaking, hands twisting, terror, nausea, despair. Exhausted but cannot rest. Cannot watch tv, just message with wd friends in frantic aka state.

 

Very weak and dizzy. Hyper vigilant and seeing dark shapes out of corner of eyes, jumpy, everything around me seems scary. Immense panic in cns just from sound of son coming down the stairs. 

 

22.00 final cigarette = 8 today

 

22.30 come to bed to try to find comfort under heated blanket for agitation and high revved system.

 

Will take Mirtazipine in half an hour. Dreading it. Never used to. Will post update. 

 

 

Edited February 11, 2020 by manymoretodays
reduced font size, bolded meds.

[Altostrata]

On 1/10/2020 at 8:10 AM, Nikki74 said:

Thank you for your reply to me back then. I decided against breaking up my clonazepam doses as I know when I’ve tried, even smaller doses can be terrible. And I couldn’t face 5 possible bad reactions a day.

 

Nikki, how long have you been taking clonazepam once a day?

 

It looks like you are getting interdose withdrawal from clonazepam. @Shep

[manymoretodays]

On 1/10/2020 at 9:10 AM, Nikki74 said:

I see peoplr off the drugs or v low and still suffering years out with akathisia. Here I am 31 months in and still on:

2.55 lexapro

0.78 clonazepam 

15mg Mirtazipine 

11 pm 15mg Mirtazipine 

adrenal surges, panic, intrusives, mental akathisia racing, urges to hit myself (I get this with the akathisia at a certain level), needed to eat a lot, finally drowsy by 2am

2am slept

5am awake, panic, mind racing, heart pounding. Put on relaxing music. Dozed in and out until 8am

8am akathisia starting to surge, si intrusives, violent intrusives, flashbacks, confusion, extreme fear, still drowsy in head, depression, still in bed scared to move

10am extreme panic and akathisia 

2.57mg lexapro Made me drowsy but still very uncomfortable with akathisia and mental symptoms racing, still in bed 

10.30 take .25mg clonazepam 

drowsy but symptoms continue as above just a bit lower

11.30 hurled out of bed by movement akathisia, panic and terror, adrenaline, shaking

diarrhoea 

11.45 one cigarette (try to resist but cravings too strong)

brings cravings and intensity down a little 

Eat eggs and rice cake

try to rest under heated blanket but akathisia too strong so have to move. Gut gurgling and agitated (this is pretty constant with the internal all over akathisia; gut gurgling been worse for two weeks since mirt change).

12.45 cigarette

standing and shifting weight side to side, wringing hands, heart racing, panic, extreme fear.

13.00

try to rest in bed and read showbiz stuff online,  but akathisia prevents rest and ability to concentrate for long, able to lie with legs moving, chest bursting, limbs extremely agitated - it is the same every single day (unless it’s next level like several days recently where I am crying hysterically - not controllable as part of akathisia-  with extreme akathisia and adrenaline forcing crazy movements to point of collapse). 

13.25

Bowels surging like will have diarrhoea again, gut acidic and raging, feel will vomit but don’t. Keeps doing this over and over. 

13.35 Head bobbing side to side (have had this since July 2019 but it stopped for a time in December). Akathisia continues and have to pace.

13.45 cigarette 

13.55 able to lie down but heart racing, nausea, akathisia internal at high level. Hands twitching. Body shaking. Mind looping as always. Try to comfort myself, tell myself I am safe. 

14.05 things come down briefly by a notch 

14.10 talk to son briefly and everything surges up again.

shaking all over, head bobbing, jelly shaking legs, dizziness.

14.30 .25mg clonazepam 

14.50 mind numb but still looping, symptoms come down a few notches but feel cut off and depressed. Zombie. Causes panic feeling as feel trapped in zombie state. Aka inside lower but not able to function even at this level. Head looping despite zombie feeling. Collapse in bed as can’t hold self up. Stare into space feeling hideous. Detached. Scared. 

This is my life. This is how it is every single day. With varying levels of intensity. This would be classed as the best it gets.

I am sick of drugs, akathisia, not progressing, seeing no improvement in two and a half years.

Will continue... 

 

What’s going on with Mirtazipine? 

Log continued...

(sorry I can’t make font smaller, I cut and pasted this in)

15.15 symptoms start to surge up more, heart rate rises, nausea, panic, akathisia, legs moving,  violent intrusives, extreme si intrusives (these are everyday, they almost completely left for a couple weeks in December). 

This whole experience is so far from who I am and was. I was a calm, patient creative. I’ve never felt this sort of stuff before this.

16.15 cigarette

Able to lie on sofa with tv on. Internal aka and low panic. Ocd symptoms when watching tv. 

Symptoms get very intense again. Extremely weak and dizzy and shaking. 

17.20 cigarette

Chest pain fleeting 

Just utter despair with akathisia 

18.00 eat fish and vegetables, hard as can’t focus due to agitation

18.15 .28mg clonazepam 

Drowsy but very depressed 

18.40 cigarette 

19.00 extreme si, urges, intrusives, panic, don’t feel safe, despair, intense inner aka 

20.00 cigarette 

20.30 some lowering and collapse exhausted.

21.00 much worse, everything so bad, panic, akathisia, shaking, hands twisting, terror, nausea, despair. Exhausted but cannot rest. Cannot watch tv, just message with wd friends in frantic aka state.

Very weak and dizzy. Hyper vigilant and seeing dark shapes out of corner of eyes, jumpy, everything around me seems scary. Immense panic in cns just from sound of son coming down the stairs. 

22.00 final cigarette = 8 today

22.30 come to bed to try to find comfort under heated blanket for agitation and high revved system.

Will take Mirtazipine in half an hour. Dreading it. Never used to.

Alrighty, I quoted daily doses, and combined the 2 logs here, took out some of the spacing.  So there is the 24 hour notes above.

Good job Nikki74.  And hang in there.  And I'll try to get back to you tomorrow again. 

Oh my, that's one tough day there.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

Edited February 11, 2020 by manymoretodays

[Altostrata]

I don't know what's going on with mirtazapine. Do you feel better before you take it and worse after you take it?

 

Have you increased your smoking recently?

 

I'd prefer to see at least 24 hours of your notes at a time.

[Nikki74]

6 hours ago, Altostrata said:

I don't know what's going on with mirtazapine. Do you feel better before you take it and worse after you take it?

 

Have you increased your smoking recently?

 

I'd prefer to see at least 24 hours of your notes at a time.

Mmt has condensed my notes into 24 hours for me above now Alto.

 

I decreased my smoking gradually last year from about 12 a day to 8 a day in November. Then December and January it was 9-10 a day. Now I’m back to 8 a day, sometimes 7.

 

Re Mirtazipine 

I feel dreadful before I take it, then worse, then eventually sleep a bit. Last night it was better when I took it but I hardly slept.

 

I used to always feel better after taking it.

[Nikki74]

12 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Nikki, how long have you been taking clonazepam once a day?

 

It looks like you are getting interdose withdrawal from clonazepam. @Shep

I’ve been taking Clonazepam 3 times a day for about 14 months, before that it was 2 times a day since I started on it in January 2018. I’ve never taken it once a day.

 

I can’t take the evening dose late as desperately need it by 6/6.30pm. Also I once tried to take a smaller fourth dose nearer bedtime but I had a severe paradoxical reaction taking the Mirtazipine so close to it. 

[Nikki74]

Mmt thank you for tidying up my log.

This is everyday. 

I wish I’d never tapered last year as it was like this all the way apart from the odd period of relief where symptoms came down  in evenings. Now I don’t even get that xx

[Nikki74]

Log

11pm Monday 15mg Mirtazipine 

Quickly felt drugged, then got some mild adrenaline surges, then all ok, ate my bedtime snacks (rice cakes with almond butter, small glass of OJ as I crave it badly). Was able to read some stuff online. Then got drowsy and slept probably about 1am

 

6am awake with racing head, drowsy so can’t move but feel the aka inside mildly.

 

slept maybe briefly again but mostly I was in a state of whirring confused mind, panic, depression, and gradually increasing agitation inside. 

 

10am 2.57mg lexapro 

surge in akathisia (sometimes lowers it, today it surges it but might have happened anyway)

 

10.45 .25mg clonazepam more surging and forced out of bed 

 

11.30 cigarette 

slight lowering and back to bed to be under heated blanket. Mind looping. Despair. Can’t do anything just have to lie in mental and physical akathisia.

 

12.15 symptoms of akathisia getting very bad 

 

12.30 cigarette

 

very depressed by the constant agitation of akathisia all over body

 

Eat eggs 

 

13.30 increasing panic and racing mind and worse akathisia, violent intrusives, ocd

 

13.45 cigarette 

 

Absolutely desperate for clonazepam dose by now

2.10 .25mg clonazepam 

agitation in legs comes down. Panic comes down. But have to lie curled up staring at tv as too weak and agitated to do anything. Strange prickling shivers rush through my body. Ocd

 

15.00 cigarette

repeated shivers through my body. Spirit very low due to seeing no way out, no improvement in over 31 months, no life, trapped and unable to taper or get stable. Ocd. Scared I can’t existing like this. Realise how dependent I am on benzo to bring even tiny relief but hate being on it and tied to doses.

 

16.00 cigarette because I’m agitated and restless with akathisia.

Go to bed with heated blanket.

Absolutely nothing to do because mind and body won’t be at peace, just despair.

 

17.00 continues, inner shaking with akathisia worsens

 

Try to watch tv, mind looping and akathisia causing distress 

 

17.45 cigarette

 

18.00 eat dinner

 

18.15 take .28mg clonazepam 

 

very depressed, tearful, sick of akathisia and torment.

 

During evening:

have tv on, sometimes can focus, sometimes not. Message with wd friends. 

Inner akatgisia, looping mind, twitching, shivers, throat spasms

19.00 cigarette 

 

21.00 cigarette

Terror starts to come, comes with physical shaking, very scared 

22.30 cigarette = 8

Go to bed to try to find safe feeling. After 30 minutes symptoms come down a few levels. Get bedtime snacks.

23.30 take 15mg Mirtazipine 

v quickly feel drugged, weird sensations like head burning, feels like will get nosebleed, throat spasms.

Eat rice cakes with almond butter, small glass OJ. Cannot settle because of aka, trying to read to distract online. 

Takes until 2am to feel drowsy.

Eventually sleep.

 

Wake 7am, still deugged

 Doze until 10am when need to take doses and akathisia is surging through Mirtazipine. 

 

Start all over with the same...

[Nikki74]

My heart is racing, panic, I feel very sick, no strength, nausea, racing mind, ocd, raging aka burning inside, acid stomach, head bobbing side to side. It’s 21.30 here. 

 

At 31 months since cts, and no let up. 

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Nikki74,

How long with the same brand/formulation now of mirtazapine now?

[Nikki74]

7 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi Nikki74,

How long with the same brand/formulation now of mirtazapine now?

I started the really bad one on Monday 27th January. I took it for 12 nights before I received another brand to try as I simply could not take another pill and started that on Saturday 8th February and have taken for 5 nights. 

[Nikki74]

I thought things were adjusting with latest brand as Thursday was a little better as far as the new sxs went. But yesterday and today I am very sick physically- diarrhoea, acidic gut and gurgling, stomach muscles contracting in and out, nausea, so weak I nearly black out if try to walk and even when lying down, legs and arms losing all strength, cold extremities and numbness, vertigo, vision very blurred to point of feeling it will go, plus I have intense ongoing inner akathisia as always, panic, twitching, yesterday violent intrusives and urges, feeling urge to hit myself but fighting it (this is a terrifying part of akathisia), scared I will lash out in rage, horrifying for a gentle person to have these things. Depression, DR, visual distortions, si. 

 

As nothing has been better since the start in 2017 and symptoms are piling up, I really can’t see recovery from this. I used to have hope that tapering would bring some relief. 

N x

[manymoretodays]

Hi Nikki74,

When you are distracting with online reading, try and stick with the success stories, here and elsewhere.  The winners, in other words.  Symptoms can and do seem to intensify, if all one focuses on are others having horrid symptoms.

 

However, it does sound pretty intense for you, on an ongoing basis.  I'm sure glad you had a bit of a window in December.  Try and think about that time.

 

Can you get yourself on kind of a BRATT diet when your GI symptoms flare on up.  Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, and Toast(often just dry toast is best), with weak Tea.  Sometimes a BRATT-Y diet works too.  With the Y standing for Yogurt. 

 

And are you getting enough fluids in?

 

On 2/13/2020 at 4:06 PM, Nikki74 said:

started that on Saturday 8th February and have taken for 5 nights. 

 

Any further settling in with this brand now?  The mirtazapine.  And you have been sticking with the usual 15 mg dose?

 

On 2/12/2020 at 9:31 AM, Nikki74 said:

10am 2.57mg lexapro 

 

On the above ^.  Can you just add a date, as to when you got to this dose, and then add it to your signature:  Accounts/signature

 

Do keep on posting your daily notes too.  You do a good job with them!

And all for now, from me.

 

((((((Nikki74)))))))

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited February 16, 2020 by manymoretodays
grammar, spelling

[manymoretodays]

Hi Nikki74,

How are you doing?

On 2/15/2020 at 6:20 AM, Nikki74 said:

I thought things were adjusting with latest brand as Thursday was a little better as far as the new sxs went. But yesterday and today I am very sick physically- diarrhoea, acidic gut and gurgling, stomach muscles contracting in and out, nausea, so weak I nearly black out if try to walk and even when lying down, legs and arms losing all strength, cold extremities and numbness, vertigo, vision very blurred to point of feeling it will go, plus I have intense ongoing inner akathisia as always, panic, twitching, yesterday violent intrusives and urges, feeling urge to hit myself but fighting it (this is a terrifying part of akathisia), scared I will lash out in rage, horrifying for a gentle person to have these things. Depression, DR, visual distortions, si. 

 

As nothing has been better since the start in 2017 and symptoms are piling up, I really can’t see recovery from this. I used to have hope that tapering would bring some relief. 

N x

 

I'm so hoping that some of the more intense symptoms have let up.  The GI stuff, and weakness, as well as feeling like you will "nearly black out", and the vision.

I know a lot of the akathisia persists, yet hoping it has lessened a bit.

I think it has at least been just a bit milder since 2017, and so hoping that you have adjusted to the new mirtazapine and there are no further changes in that!

On 2/10/2020 at 9:38 AM, Nikki74 said:

The pill weighed .048mg (at 2.62mg) and I went to .047, which is 2.57.

On 2/9/2020 at 9:22 AM, Nikki74 said:

No I haven’t tapered anything since I cut 2% lexapro 5th January.

 

I'll go ahead and add the ^ to your signature now. 

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

This ^ is what I added, the last Lexapro change, and then current doses of clonazepam and mirtazapine

 

And I know, I know Nik, it has been just awful for you.

Update when you can.  Thanks.  Another full day of notes too, please.  Thank you Nikki74.  So hoping that you might have settled a bit now, since your last Lexapro decrease, as well as adjusted to the new formulation/brand of mirtazapine too.

((((Nikki74)))))  There's always hope, I know it's been a marathon for you!

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited March 3, 2020 by manymoretodays
added signature update line, additional encouragement

[Nikki74]

@manymoretodays

 

I just logged on to update and saw your post, sorry.

 

It took until mid March for things to come down. I adjusted to the new Mirtazipine and so far have been able to get the same generic but this is uncertain every 28 days (Dr will only prescribe 28 days at a time of any of my drugs) whether that generic will be available.

 

Overall things are lower. The more frantic symptoms. 

 

I’ll do a full day’s notes and post. But as a general summary:

 

I wake around 10-11am heavily drugged from Mirtazipine. Akathisia and consequent despair starts to surge up. 

 

Constant Dp/ Dr, weakness, anhedonia, looping mind, back pain. Head bobs side to side, this started July 2019.

 

I take lexapro and things come come down a notch. OR sometimes things surge up a bit more. 

 

I take clonazepam and again things come down a notch. 

 

I spend my day going round in circles mentally and physically moving from place to place in my home, constantly restless and unable to do anything enriching, mind like it’s hijacked in zombie, looping, numb state. Ocd. Detached and insular. Inner akathisia sensation of vibrating, sandpaper agitation is lower/ hardly there but have to rub feet together and never feel ‘still’.

 

Can watch tv later in day, maybe after 1pm on good day, feel nothing, numb, stare at tv.

 

throughout day, smoke every hour or two, take doses, zero interest in food but make myself eat, rarely get bathed, every couple of weeks is ‘good’, put on clothes but feel no enjoyment in this but extreme discomfort and fatigue, and I used to work in fashion! 

 

Clonazepam can cause uptick in symptoms or terror etc when dose later doses, lasts up to an hour. Not always.

 

in past few months, my body has changed and my face, look bloated, saggy, aged, shoulders are raised, upper back has hump forming, very hard to hold myself up or straight, have to lie down 90% of time.

 

ME/CFS I had before anyway is very much with me, constant and worse than pre polydrugging (2016) and cold turkeys that started this (2017). 

 

Ok, that’s my overview of general state of being. 

 

Feel i am existing in limbo. Not getting off drugs but not ok to live any semblance of a normal life. But not at torturous akathisia, si, frantic, terror level. 

 

Ps is there any way of changing my username? X

 

 

 

 

Edited April 13, 2020 by Nikki74

[manymoretodays]

Hi Nikki74,

 

And okay.  Good, good on the mirtazapine and settling and stabilizing on that.

Yes, do.......please notes.

Can you go ahead and PM Shep on the user name issue?  I think that would be best.

 

(((((Nikki74)))))) Oh, so good to hear from you.   And so sorry it continues very tough.  It does sound like you ARE coping okay though.  Yay!

I think you can and will stabilize further.  I do.  Acceptance and huge amounts of patience and tolerance sometimes.  It can be so tough......I know.  Your age is in your favor, really.  I hope things at home for you are going alright.  And with your son too!  I sure didn't expect 2020 to be Covid19 precautions, and concerns and all.  And I sure hope for the best with it all, for all.  So sad and so scary, huh?  ❤️

 

And I don't know on the ME/CFS for you.......I mean IF that was a factor before drugs/medications, and/or if you just have to accept chronicity in that regard.  Hopefully even with ME/CFS, you WILL have periods of lessened symptoms too.  Nice windows.

 

And okay, all for today, from me.  Hope Easter shines some light on us all now!

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

p.s.  And you are beautiful and fashionable.......don't ever forget that.  Really like this self compassion, quickie......so will share:

 

Edited April 13, 2020 by manymoretodays
self compassion break

[Nikki74]

Thank you @manymoretodays 💕

 

just a quick post to ask if continuing to hold is the advice for now? X

[Nikki74]

Notes

9-11am gradually start waking in and out of sleep.

11am akathisia, panic and racing head become too much and I leap out of bed 

11.05 take 2.57 lexapro 

Some surging but feel more with it

look at phone for a bit as head can’t just be

 

11.30am take .25 Klonopin 

Dont really feel much from drug. Get up. 

 

11.30-2.30 constant restlessness, repetitive actions: lie down, get up, smoke outside, lie down repeat. Try to watch bit of tv. Get terror about 1.30pm. Eat some chicken. Tearful. Feel desperate and trapped by the same stuff every single day.

 

2.30 get dressed. Exhausts me. Lie down. 

 

3pm .25mg Klonopin 

3.30 onwards terror, worse DR, panic, tearful, endless restlessness (this restlessness is just all day and evening until mirt)

 

6pm make simple dinner

 

7pm .28 Klonopin

 

7.40 shivering 

 

try to watch tv just so restless in mind and body so can’t focus much but enough

 

aware of how overweight I’m getting, feel v uncomfortable and miserable. It’s drug weight. 

 

9pm terror (not as severe as it was when cutting)

 

10.30 terror comes down 

 

12 midnight take 15mg Mirtazipine 

Need to eat a lot of snacks after taking it to get drowsy (rice cakes, raisins, potato chips, apple)

 

1.30am get sleepy and go to sleep by 2am ish 

 

today i smoked 12 small cigarettes. I have sadly increased them the past 3 weeks up from 8 that I’d been glad to get down to. It’s like a compulsive thing. 

 

Another constant is it’s very painful and difficult for me to stand up due to agony in lower back. I yell in pain when pushing up to stand. 

Edited April 15, 2020 by Nikki74
More info

[manymoretodays]

Hi Nikki,

On 4/13/2020 at 5:34 AM, Nikki74 said:

in past few months, my body has changed and my face, look bloated, saggy, aged, shoulders are raised, upper back has hump forming, very hard to hold myself up or straight, have to lie down 90% of time.

 

Have you brought any of this to your doctor's attention?  Hard to know if it's medical, something that has developed, Cushing's disease or a bone disorder.  You should have a doctor take a look, and do some lab work.

 

Can you get any physiotherapy done, at home or even outside of your home now?  I bet some movement, on a regular basis, would help so much.  If no guidance from the NHS is forthcoming, could you start to find some youtube or other gentle exercise to do, yoga or even chair aerobics comes to mind.

 

Sounds like some regular patterns have set in.  I mean it doesn't take long for the nervous system to find it's own patterns, that become very repetative.

I found some help from EFT- Emotional Freedom Technique

Try some of the EFT-Emotional Freedom Technique, you can find the nine points in the link, I put in there, and then even do a guided tapping, or one of your own making.  Two times through and I am usually much improved.

EFT(emotional freedom techniques)

It's magic!    Seriously though, it really might help.

 

It sounds a lot like you are benzo-ed out a bit too.  Why don't you post another full day, and I'll ask @ShepShep to take a look.

 

Yes, for now, just HOLD.

Thanks Niks, for all the information.  And hope today or tonight is okay enough.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

[Nikki74]

13 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi Nikki,

 

Have you brought any of this to your doctor's attention?  Hard to know if it's medical, something that has developed, Cushing's disease or a bone disorder.  You should have a doctor take a look, and do some lab work.

 

No I haven’t. I’m now scared I have cushings! Though I don’t have a lot of the symptoms. Do you really think I might have this? I’m scared.

 

I dont have a single Dr, it’s a pool of GPs in a practice. It’s very hard to be believed so I tend not to contact them. Also they’re only dealing with emergencies during the covid lockdown. 

13 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Can you get any physiotherapy done, at home or even outside of your home now?  I bet some movement, on a regular basis, would help so much.  If no guidance from the NHS is forthcoming, could you start to find some youtube or other gentle exercise to do, yoga or even chair aerobics comes to mind.

 

With ME/CFS, even mild exercise/ movement is detrimental and makes the condition worse.

 

i try to do basic stretches briefly.

13 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Sounds like some regular patterns have set in.  I mean it doesn't take long for the nervous system to find it's own patterns, that become very repetative.

I found some help from EFT- Emotional Freedom Technique

Try some of the EFT-Emotional Freedom Technique, you can find the nine points in the link, I put in there, and then even do a guided tapping, or one of your own making.  Two times through and I am usually much improved.

EFT(emotional freedom techniques)

It's magic!    Seriously though, it really might help.

 

It sounds a lot like you are benzo-ed out a bit too.  Why don't you post another full day, and I'll ask @ShepShep to take a look.

 

Can you clarify what you mean by benzo-ed out? 

13 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Yes, for now, just HOLD.

Thanks Niks, for all the information.  And hope today or tonight is okay enough.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

I couldn’t get my pill to weigh exactly .047 today (I spend ages trying to get it right) and took .046. I hope this won’t be a problem.

 

Thank you mmt. Another symptom log coming.

 

I’m really anxious about the cushings thing.

 

plus I got an email from a ‘friend’ who had asked how much longer I’m going to be tapering, to which I replied with where I’m at. She wrote back saying she’d prayed and thinks God was saying I need to go to rehab to just get off the drugs. This has been her approach since this began. She said if I die then it’s God’s will but she doesn’t think I will and then I’ll be free of the drugs and my body can concentrate on healing. She says things can’t get much worse for me. This has troubled me, upset me and confused me. She’s wrong isn’t she?! 

 

Xxx

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Niks,

Try not to worry......it's just so hard for me to tell, over the internet if it IS something that needs medical attention. 

Or if it's just some perceptual shift, where you might be seeing things as far worse, or might be having a distorted body view or something.  I just don't know.  So prefer to err on the side of caution.

And so sorry your medical is not better at listening.

Yes, of course......staying home now is best, and especially if they are running a busy practice right now.  Many have slowed down.

 

I would think, that even with ME/CFS there must be some stretching or something that some have found to be helpful.  Do you travel to sites that are helpful with managing the CFS/ME?  So much cross-over with that and WD too.  Yet, you had some symptoms, you noted before the psych drugs, correct?  I'm so sorry Nikki......tough stuff. 

 

Are you drawing at all?

 

Oh that's just me I suppose, as I have seen many on long term benzo's get to feeling really quite blah, and generally icky.  It's kind of a catch 22, isn't it? 

 

No, we don't endorse rehab, to get off these medications.  And then, if you think about it.......well one, it's often expensive, but two, more often you get all this front loaded support and even medical attention......but then you are left on your own completely, when the rehab stay is done.  Some do offer continuing care, here anyway in the US, but I don't think there is often an acknowledgement of WD syndrome beyond the initial WD.  If you could go in, and then go slowly......and get support and all.......I mean that would be great.  I don't know if you could find a rehab like that where you are.  A place that would then help you to help yourself even better once you get home?  Teach you skills and such.

Often there is a component I think that is hard, for some, a kind of self examination, etc.  that might be included too.

So much better if you can learn to be your own best support system.  Or for me, it has worked out that way.....a lot of the time.  Perhaps ask your friend or tell them, what you need for support.......what helps, what doesn't......that kind of thing.  And then exchange support as well, for example, what kind of support for what, might your friend need?  We all need each other, more especially now too, I think.  So......hoping, even with distancing, many are finding what they need now.

 

Which pill are you referring to?  With the weighing in at .046 grams.  And I think, if it's the escitalopram, then just try and be consistent with that weight right now.  That may be best.

 

And okay, yes, thank you, another day or two of notes.  Nikki, please think about though, if you would like to do any suggestions now too.  I know that both Alto and Shep put a lot of effort into helping you, and making suggestions before........and then you could not follow through with any.  And so, I want to make sure that you do feel motivated enough now and/or able.  Okay?  You've done real good getting the Lexapro down to almost 2.5 mg too!  Yay on that!  So, not to make you feel bad, that's not my intent here.......at......all.  I just want to get you empowered and hopeful.  It's been so very tough for you, I do know that.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Including here your Drug Interaction Report as well, from Drugs.com, for ease of access

And this as well:  Tapering multiple psych drugs? Which drug to taper first? 

Again, ^, for ease of access

Edited April 16, 2020 by manymoretodays
additional link, grammar and softened tone I hope

[Ella56]

Nikki. Hello ..i feel the same as you the inner anxiety pushes me into despair. I got some relief with mega doze vit c and a herbal cocktail for adrenals.