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Nikki74: Lexapro mirtazapine diazepam akathisia


Nikki74

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35 minutes ago, AliG said:

It's probably because your body wants more. It's addictive physiologically but eventually you will hopefully hop off. 

 

Have you tried Magnesium?

Thanks AliG

 

So do you mean I’m in tolerance withdrawal with it?

 

I’m holding to hopefully stabilise one of these months but how can I if my body wants more diazepam already?

 

When you say ‘hop off’ do you mean taper the diazepam? 

 

I can’t start that for a long time as I’m so unstable.

 

I took magnesium citrate briefly before all this and got diarrhoea.

 

 

Edited by Nikki74

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

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1 hour ago, Frogie said:

I'm glad you got out and got some fresh air, that's always good for you.

 

I am having a lot of anxiety this morning. I think everything has caught up with me and my body doesn't know what to do.

 

I tapered off of diazepam a couple of years ago, but never had a problem with it. I take Xanax, and at the moment it's not helping.

 

You will be fine. Big deep belly breathes, in and out. 

 

I hope you feel feel better very soon.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

Hi Frogie

 

You’re not hogging my thread! Thank you for writing.

 

im sorry you’re having a lot of anxiety. Are you tapering?

 

Sorry I’m so all over the place right now.

 

Thank you for your support x

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

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Slept 7 hours last night with one wake up

 

Woke with depression but no akathisia 

 

Dozed a bit with first diazepam dose

 

Felt like sewing and drawing, Coordination is poor but did both for a little while.

 

Been dozy all day, but better than highly agitated, anxious and terror

 

Looping thoughts, paranoia, terror gone mostly

 

Brief aka mid pm with anxiety/ low level fear but manageable

 

I seem to be back to ‘normal’ CFS rather than the extreme version the last ten days

 

Grateful for the ‘calmer’ (relatively speaking) day

 

DP/DR present but mild

 

Sore tongue gone

 

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

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  • Moderator
1 minute ago, Nikki74 said:

Slept 7 hours last night with one wake up

 

Woke with depression but no akathisia 

 

Dozed a bit with first diazepam dose

 

Felt like sewing and drawing, Coordination is poor but did both for a little while.

 

Been dozy all day, but better than highly agitated, anxious and terror

 

Looping thoughts, paranoia, terror gone mostly

 

Brief aka mid pm with anxiety/ low level fear but manageable

 

I seem to be back to ‘normal’ CFS rather than the extreme version the last ten days

 

Grateful for the ‘calmer’ (relatively speaking) day

 

DP/DR present but mild

 

Sore tongue gone

 

Nikki:

 

I'm so happy for you! You are getting better. You were able to do some things.

 

I woke up with horrible anxiety. I know it's from tapering, and all the antibiotics I was on and the stress, but if I hold a couple more days, I'll be ok. I don't want to go backwards. I hope my extreme goes away in the next few days!

 

I'm so glad we met and can help each other. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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7 minutes ago, Frogie said:

Nikki:

 

I'm so happy for you! You are getting better. You were able to do some things.

 

I woke up with horrible anxiety. I know it's from tapering, and all the antibiotics I was on and the stress, but if I hold a couple more days, I'll be ok. I don't want to go backwards. I hope my extreme goes away in the next few days!

 

I'm so glad we met and can help each other. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

Hi Frogie

Thank you. I hope this is a window and that it lasts a while. I’m very far from feeling like myself as I haven’t for months but I’m relieved to be less symptomatic with the severest ones.

 

There’s always another wave around the corner... until stability comes.

 

Morning anxiety is horrendous and I’ve been there most days lately. You’re doing the right thing to hold. Give yourself a good chance to heal from your last drop.

 

How’s the akathisia? 

 

Yes antibiotics and any meds make wd so much worse I’ve read. Any pills in fact! I can’t even take a paracetamol now. 

 

Thinking of you xxx

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator
1 minute ago, Nikki74 said:

Hi Frogie

Thank you. I hope this is a window and that it lasts a while. I’m very far from feeling like myself as I haven’t for months but I’m relieved to be less symptomatic with the severest ones.

 

There’s always another wave around the corner... until stability comes.

 

Morning anxiety is horrendous and I’ve been there most days lately. You’re doing the right thing to hold. Give yourself a good chance to heal from your last drop.

 

How’s the akathisia? 

 

Yes antibiotics and any meds make wd so much worse I’ve read. Any pills in fact! I can’t even take a paracetamol now. 

 

Thinking of you xxx

I don't have any more akasthisia, just horrendous morning anxiety. I think it's the tapering on top of the antibiotics and stress going on in my life right now.

 

I hope you see many windows. No more waves. You sound more chipper.

 

I just want to sit in my chair and snuggle with my little chihuahua Brownie and do nothing. But I'm not freaking out like I was yesterday. So maybe everyday will get better for both of us.

 

Again, glad you are doing better. It gives me hope.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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19 minutes ago, Frogie said:

I don't have any more akasthisia, just horrendous morning anxiety. I think it's the tapering on top of the antibiotics and stress going on in my life right now.

 

I hope you see many windows. No more waves. You sound more chipper.

 

I just want to sit in my chair and snuggle with my little chihuahua Brownie and do nothing. But I'm not freaking out like I was yesterday. So maybe everyday will get better for both of us.

 

Again, glad you are doing better. It gives me hope.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

Thanks Frogie

 

Yeah how great it’d be if that was my last or worst wave but my cns is so messed up I think there’s a way to go before I reach stability and can start to get off these drugs.

 

These last ten days have been a brutal onslaught. 

 

I’m battered and shaken by it!

 

When my nerves can take more than the simplest of tasks and interactions I’ll know I’m on my way to stability.

 

You will stabilise too and get off the drugs. Just give yourself a lot of time to hold.

 

It’s good you’re not freaking out so much, that’s what this wd does to us. I’ve been freaking out for ten days!

 

And a tiny bit today.

 

I’ve got a doggy too but haven’t been able to enjoy snuggling with her for months since all this started. With the depersonalisation etc it’s hard to connect with anyone or anything on a lovely, cosy, warm level. I long for that feeling back!

 

You’re doing great and will get windows and improvements and come through this xxx

 

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator
5 minutes ago, Nikki74 said:

Thanks Frogie

 

Yeah how great it’d be if that was my last or worst wave but my cns is so messed up I think there’s a way to go before I reach stability and can start to get off these drugs.

 

These last ten days have been a brutal onslaught. 

 

I’m battered and shaken by it!

 

When my nerves can take more than the simplest of tasks and interactions I’ll know I’m on my way to stability.

 

You will stabilise too and get off the drugs. Just give yourself a lot of time to hold.

 

It’s good you’re not freaking out so much, that’s what this wd does to us. I’ve been freaking out for ten days!

 

And a tiny bit today.

 

I’ve got a doggy too but haven’t been able to enjoy snuggling with her for months since all this started. With the depersonalisation etc it’s hard to connect with anyone or anything on a lovely, cosy, warm level. I long for that feeling back!

 

You’re doing great and will get windows and improvements and come through this xxx

 

You are so kind.

 

Even in your worst, you have nice things to say.

 

I've only felt like this for 3 days. But I was sick for a month. I don't know what I would do without my Brownie and she is 16.

 

I hope we both see big windows and they last a long time.

 

Thanks again for the reassurance. It helps a lot. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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And the black treacle of depression descends, obscuring the fleeting positives of the day. The skin crawling akathisia. Hope has gone to a distant hill. The fear that this will be me forever, has me. I mourn for myself. For my son who has lost his mum with the smile and sparkle and always listening ear, who could prop him up or make him laugh or snuggle beside him with a movie.

 

Am I lost? Will I heal? Even though I’m still on pills. 

 

When will my stability come. 

 

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment
On 07/11/2017 at 3:27 PM, bubble said:

I know what you mean but we see a lot worse and people recover.

 

Since you are experiencing windows already I wouldn't worry about that at all. It might mean it will take a bit longer and explains why it is so hard but it doesn't mean you want recover. Not at all.

 

Could you just in one line add what drugs and doses you are currently taking? 

Hi dear Bubble

 

I was just reading your comments on another thread advising someone to reinstate escitalopram after being off 8 months. A few questions:

 

You said to reinstate .5-1mg, I reinstated a month after virtually cting from 15mg (though it had been cut from 22.5 to 20 then to 15mg over Summer 2016 When I was put on 50mg trazodone for three months but got worse then was taken off that and put on 50mg pregabalin). So anyway I reinstated this year at 10mg after a month off it, then was told by psych to cut it to 5mg which I finally did end September I think. Do you think that was ok? Will it mean I’ll prevent protracted withdrawal from it? 

 

Because you were saying in the thread to the other person that withdrawal after a ct can get much worse months out and go on for years. This has scared me.

 

Also, I never reinstated pregabalin (I was on 150mg and ct’d early June). Am I in for years of protracted from this?

 

Plus the Zopiclone I’d been on for 7 weeks this Summer which I ct’d 19th Sept. 

 

Do you think the Diazepam will in any way be helping with the pregabalin and Zopiclone cts?

 

I am on a total rollercoaster of symptoms. Today some things have let up, then deep depression came in a wave. Which I’ve been getting in particular since Zopiclone. 

 

I could not reinstate the Zopiclone as I’d had quite a severe reaction to it as well as getting intense withdrawal during the day. 

 

Today I had an hour or so where I could be creative which I’ve hardly had during all this.

 

I suppose I’m asking, in your experience, including your own, is there a chance I’ll NOT suffer protracted withdrawal for years and might get that stability by say next spring? 

 

Thank you. 

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment
On 10/11/2017 at 6:30 AM, Nikki74 said:

I got 6 hours but woke once to pee.

 

im scared I’m in benzo withdrawal as I’d been on 3.75-7.5 mg Zopiclone for 7 weeks and my Diazepam use was erratic. Was advised here to find a dose to stick at after I’d come off the zop, Shep worked out 5.5mg but I stuck at 6mg. Now thinking I should have been on a higher dose to compensate for the zop and my use of diazepam which had been anywhere from 0 to 10mg a day in July but mainly about 4mg, then for three weeks was on average 7.5mg as the Zopiclone stopped working but felt so revved up by the diazepam. Then I stopped the Zop during that time and some days took 8mg diazepam other days less. So we arrived at the 5.5mg but I stuck at 6mg. Don’t know if that makes sense. 

 

Dont want to updose but dont don’t know if what I’m on is going to get me through.

 

Been holding for about 6 weeks now on that and my other meds.

 

No one comes regularly, a friend once a week. My sister is coming shortly as I reached out in despair.

 

 

 

Hi Nikki, 

 

I think I am following what you wrote about Zopiclone.  I was not familiar with Zoplicone but looked it up and have read it's like a benzo though technically isn't one. Hopefully a mod can answer soon if the Valium covers the Zop withdrawal, give you some peace of mind. I did a bit of my own digging and think if I am following this right you are probably fine, but you'll want them to tell you for sure.  Not concentrating too well tonight as my dog is sick.

 

I was glad to read further down the thread that your sister took you out to the moor, I was just thinking the other day you probably could  use getting out in nature if only it could be managed. It was hard for me to do too but when I could get out to a local natural area here, I felt a lot better. Though nothing nearly as grand as Dartmoor!  I don't know if it would be possible to get your sister to come by on a regular schedule, either take you or just be there with you, might be something to consider though so you don't feel so alone.   

 

Wishing you much healing,

 

US

 

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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9 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

And the black treacle of depression descends, obscuring the fleeting positives of the day. The skin crawling akathisia. Hope has gone to a distant hill. The fear that this will be me forever, has me. I mourn for myself. For my son who has lost his mum with the smile and sparkle and always listening ear, who could prop him up or make him laugh or snuggle beside him with a movie.

 

Am I lost? Will I heal? Even though I’m still on pills. 

 

When will my stability come. 

 

 

Nikki, you will get there and be there for your son, the "real you" is still in there, don't give up on yourself!   I used to think when in this state that I was gone for good but eventually pieced myself back together, and though this changes people in some ways, I'm more like myself all the time.  Big hug for you, I can tell from your touching post that you are a sweet Mom!

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

Link to comment

Racing, burning head today. Mental akathisia?

 

Q. Can a mod look over my Zopiclone/ diazepam question above?

 

Q. I’m sorry for my neediness, I just could do with some reassurance that I will stabilise and I’m not getting worse. 

 

I WAS doing a little better here and there up til 12 days ago. 

 

 

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment
9 hours ago, UnfoldingSky said:

 

Nikki, you will get there and be there for your son, the "real you" is still in there, don't give up on yourself!   I used to think when in this state that I was gone for good but eventually pieced myself back together, and though this changes people in some ways, I'm more like myself all the time.  Big hug for you, I can tell from your touching post that you are a sweet Mom!

Thank you US.

 

The akathisia keeps rearing up so badly. It’s as bad as it was when I first joined. Plus the other symptoms. I thought this wave was dying down but it’s relentless.

 

 

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
On ‎30‎/‎09‎/‎2017 at 5:30 PM, Shep said:

Nikki, well done on the signature.  Thank you. 

 

I see you added in clonazepam as needed 2009 - 2011. This is really important because clonazepam, Zopiclone, and diazepam are all in the benzo / z-drug class of drugs and can cause kindling, more so than other drugs. Kindling means that each time you come off the drugs or make drastic dose changes, your nervous system becomes more hyper-sensitive.

 

For this reason, you will need to go very slow in your tapering. Also, you really need to set up a very strict dosing schedule for all your drugs and stick to it religiously. Your nervous system is crying out for stability. 

 

The first thing you need to do is write down a schedule for your drugs. Since your updose in diazepam has been in the past 2 weeks, you can safely reduce it quickly. I think that will help with the agitation and insomnia. Part of that is likely a paradoxical reaction. You are also in acute zopiclone withdrawal, as you came off that cold turkey at 3.75 - 7.5 mg only 11 days ago. I would not recommend reinstating that at this point though, but rather, taking it into consideration with your diazepam dose. 

 

What are your thoughts in reducing the diazepam? In order to help with the Zopiclone withdrawal, since you came off of 3.75 mg Zopilcone, that is equivalent to 2.5 mg of diazepam (according to the benzo equivalency chart). 

 

Since you were doing much better on 2 - 4 mg diazepam (averaging 3 mg), you could take the average of 3 mg and add 2.5 mg to help with the z-drug withdrawal, for a total of 5.5 mg diazepam. 

 

Please let me know what you think of reducing your diazepam down to 5.5 mg a day. And then please make a schedule for ALL your current drugs (mirtazapine, Lexapro, and diazepam) and post it with the time of day and the dose for each drug listed. Once you have your schedule, please stick to it without changing your diazepam doses. 

 

You may also want to schedule the number of cigarettes you smoke throughout the day. The nicotine is likely adding to your akathisia. 

 

You can do this, Nikki. Once you have your schedule and are sticking to it (no more random benzos), I think you're going to feel much better. 

 

Hello Nikki,

 

I've been reading through your thread from the beginning. I think it would be good if you do it too. Your fear that you are not going to stabilize is a constant.

 

You will see how Alto wrote that you will but it will take time and it won't be easy.

 

The post I quoted by Shep gives answer to the question you asked: zopiclone belongs to the same class of drugs and diazepam is covering for it. And it is helping with pregabalin withdrawal. It just takes time.

 

The situation of the person you read about is different from yours so there is no point in comparing it. 

Edited by bubble

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
20 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

 

I am on a total rollercoaster of symptoms. Today some things have let up, then deep depression came in a wave. Which I’ve been getting in particular since Zopiclone. 

 

I could not reinstate the Zopiclone as I’d had quite a severe reaction to it as well as getting intense withdrawal during the day. 

 

Today I had an hour or so where I could be creative which I’ve hardly had during all this.

 

 

You are reporting some clear signs of progress. I see depression when coming after a period of symptoms such a severe anxiety, restlessness and agitation as a brain's copying mechanism: the whole of the body and brain was lit up to maximum through those activating symptom and when depression it's like a safety switch has been turned off. It is actually a sign that the body has entered a state of deep rest and saving of energy. Like when a battery goes off for recharge. That's why I welcome the start of depression after a cycle of activating symptom. I see it as a recharging phase.

 

You are doing a lot of very good things: praying with a friend, going to nature with your sister, practicing breathing and other self-soothing techniques.... 6 weeks may seem like a lot but it's not after everything you have been through. Your brain had been undergoing some severe trauma for almost 4 months. It's no wonder that it is taking its time to get better. But it seems it's definitely moving in that direction.

 

What happened in June 2016 when all those changes with adding and stopping various drugs started?

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

Link to comment
24 minutes ago, bubble said:

 

You are reporting some clear signs of progress. I see depression when coming after a period of symptoms such a severe anxiety, restlessness and agitation as a brain's copying mechanism: the whole of the body and brain was lit up to maximum through those activating symptom and when depression it's like a safety switch has been turned off. It is actually a sign that the body has entered a state of deep rest and saving of energy. Like when a battery goes off for recharge. That's why I welcome the start of depression after a cycle of activating symptom. I see it as a recharging phase.

 

You are doing a lot of very good things: praying with a friend, going to nature with your sister, practicing breathing and other self-soothing techniques.... 6 weeks may seem like a lot but it's not after everything you have been through. Your brain had been undergoing some severe trauma for almost 4 months. It's no wonder that it is taking its time to get better. But it seems it's definitely moving in that direction.

 

What happened in June 2016 when all those changes with adding and stopping various drugs started?

Thank you Bubble.

 

I had started Emdr for ptsd in the January and it was having a huge impact on my CFS, my anxiety started to go up and insomnia. Also my ex had remarried earlier in the year which was a trigger. I’d had some osteopath work done which worsen my CFS too. I at first had some Zopiclone for 3 or 4 nights (min dose) in May or June.

 

 Then I was experiencing full body shaking spells (I went with it thinking it was trauma working itself out) and muscle twitching and anxiety when I went to the GP in July (sorry not June) and was put on 50mg trazodone and told to cut the lexapro to 20mg (I’d been on lexapro by then from Nov 2011 gradually working up from 15 I think to 22.5). 

 

My EMDR continued until August. 

 

In that time I’d had to cancel a holiday due to my worsening CFS and anxiety. Then 2 days later found out we were losing our house as my landlord has taken his own life. That was early August. 

 

My health worsened and I ended up with twitching, overactive reflexes and severe anxiety. I was put on Pregabalin 50mg on top of the lexapro (now down to 15mg I think) then told to stop The trazodone. 

 

It was a hell of a year but by Nov/ Dec I was doing better and we’d found a new home.

 

Jan brought flu and depression. My anxiety continued to spike monthly I think with my cycle. April tried to up pregabalin (I was on 100mg by now trying to up to 150mg) and had the opposite effect which was when Mirtazipine was added. My mum was diagonal with blood cancer at this time too.

 

May I was functional but felt v drugged and weak legs which had started Sept 2016 we’re still bad.

 

GP thought I might manage just on Mirtazipine so Hence cts which brought me to Crisis point end June.

Edited by Nikki74

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment

The strange thing is after I stopped the pregabalin early June this year, I initially felt so much better! I was doing more, stronger legs, dizziness went (this had been with me since August 2016). But then I started to cut back on the lexapro...

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment

Before I ct’d the Zopiclone and cut the lexapro to 5mg I had still been able to drive and do some creative stuff and pop to the park or shop in my car. Since early Sept all of that is gone and the agitation has been worse. 

 

I don’t know how relevant this is as it’s done now :/

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment

Sorry I have a severely racing head hence the many notes!

 

 

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

It is relevant to me because it shows how you approach your symptoms and I also wanted to see if the drug stopped working (which happens to some people). Given that there are more reports about ADs being to a large extent a placebo it stands to reason that taking them will not protect us from stress. In your case it seems, or at lest you in hindsight atribute your symptoms at that time to EMDR.

 

For you this may be relevant in the sense that we can always use our past to learn from it. You had some symptoms, you went to see a doctor, a doctor did what doctors do (decided that Lexapro was no longer effective and started playing with drugs like there were antibiotics.) This caused the hell to break lose to such an extent that the symptoms that initially led you to go to the doctor seem trifle. The reason you felt so much better after stopping Pregabalin might have been due to it being too much for you and having some adverse interactions with other drugs. But even when this is the case, drugs still have to be tapered slowly which will reduce those side effects also.

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

Link to comment
6 minutes ago, bubble said:

It is relevant to me because it shows how you approach your symptoms and I also wanted to see if the drug stopped working (which happens to some people). Given that there are more reports about ADs being to a large extent a placebo it stands to reason that taking them will not protect us from stress. In your case it seems, or at lest you in hindsight atribute your symptoms at that time to EMDR.

 

For you this may be relevant in the sense that we can always use our past to learn from it. You had some symptoms, you went to see a doctor, a doctor did what doctors do (decided that Lexapro was no longer effective and started playing with drugs like there were antibiotics.) This caused the hell to break lose to such an extent that the symptoms that initially led you to go to the doctor seem trifle. The reason you felt so much better after stopping Pregabalin might have been due to it being too much for you and having some adverse interactions with other drugs. But even when this is the case, drugs still have to be tapered slowly which will reduce those side effects also.

Yes I regret it all Bubble.

 

I wondered if the lexapro had in fact just stopped working last Spring. 

 

I only learnt when I joined here about what my issues were.

 

I agree about depression, it is almost a relief after the hyper symptoms but I seem to be cycling between then within each day right now.

 

I fixate on ‘will I stabilise?’ Because my head gets in a loop and stuck. 

 

I felt some relief from this until my recent wave which continues.

 

Am I, to use a British phrase, completely buggered? 

 

I know it will take time. I just wish I’d known all this sooner. 

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus
1 hour ago, Nikki74 said:

Am I, to use a British phrase, completely buggered? 

 

 

Of course you are not :) It just seems you need to be reminded of that over and over again which probably won't be possible so you will have to find other ways of imprinting that message.

 

1 hour ago, Nikki74 said:

I just wish I’d known all this sooner. 

 

I also wish that. But then I tell myself it might have easily happened that like so many people I would never learn that my drugs are my drug (to paraphrase a famous book).  So we actually have an advantage...

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

Link to comment
10 hours ago, bubble said:

 

Of course you are not :) It just seems you need to be reminded of that over and over again which probably won't be possible so you will have to find other ways of imprinting that message.

 

 

I also wish that. But then I tell myself it might have easily happened that like so many people I would never learn that my drugs are my drug (to paraphrase a famous book).  So we actually have an advantage...

Thank you for your responses Bubble.

 

I was reading through your thread in the early days and it gave me some good insights. 

 

Though our starting points are very different. As everyone’s story is different.

 

My friend prayed for me yesterday and said she saw a coral reef, without colour and lifeless. But then the colour came back and it was restored. She said this represented me and what these drugs have done to me and how when the wd effects have healed, I will be restored too.

 

Nikki 

 

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment

2AFF87B2-1BF0-459D-9D43-6A8412449A6B.jpeg.9188a0f6021297fca40a812aa2632cf1.jpeg

 

For US, one of my Dartmoor Pony paintings x 

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator
1 minute ago, Nikki74 said:

2AFF87B2-1BF0-459D-9D43-6A8412449A6B.jpeg.9188a0f6021297fca40a812aa2632cf1.jpeg

 

For US, one of my Dartmoor Pony paintings x 

That's beautiful!

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

Link to comment
10 minutes ago, Frogie said:

That's beautiful!

Thank you dear Frogie. The last painting I did before I got so ill because of the cts. X

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment

Today, a window. Imperfect, but back to pre-wave. I nurtured it with a little bit of art, ordering some jigsaw puzzles, watching a soothing programme on tv and sitting in my garden. 

 

 

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator
5 minutes ago, Nikki74 said:

Today, a window. Imperfect, but back to pre-wave. I nurtured it with a little bit of art, ordering some jigsaw puzzles, watching a soothing programme on tv and sitting in my garden. 

 

 

That's awesome! I hope it continues.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

Link to comment
  • Moderator
2 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

Thank you dear Frogie. The last painting I did before I got so ill because of the cts. X

You are a beautiful painter. Love to see more.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus
1 hour ago, Nikki74 said:

Today, a window. Imperfect, but back to pre-wave. I nurtured it with a little bit of art, ordering some jigsaw puzzles, watching a soothing programme on tv and sitting in my garden. 

 

 

I was really happy to read this! THIS is your baseline! Unfortunately the waves will return but you will know you are still there and that you will return to this place which will last longer and feel more stable each time and the waves will be getting weaker and weaker.

 

Thank you for sharing your painting. It's very nice and so serene.

 

When I came here I already had the experience of stabilizing after at least 3 or 4 CTs :( At that time I had no idea what was going on with me when I would stop my drugs as advised by my doctor who just said ADs were not addictive so I could just stop taking them. When I started feeling horribly she would just conclude my 'mental illness' came back worse than ever. So when I came here I was shocked to see what I had been going through for over 10 years in the new light. But I also had this experience of being able to stabilize and recover from most dreadful places by holding the same dose of the drug for months. My doctor would just put me back on the full dose of the drug and I knew I didn't have any option but to wait. So I experienced windows and waves without knowing what they were and without any support. Find this site was a life changing and a life saving experience for me. 

 

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

Link to comment
15 hours ago, bubble said:

 

I was really happy to read this! THIS is your baseline! Unfortunately the waves will return but you will know you are still there and that you will return to this place which will last longer and feel more stable each time and the waves will be getting weaker and weaker.

 

Thank you for sharing your painting. It's very nice and so serene.

 

When I came here I already had the experience of stabilizing after at least 3 or 4 CTs :( At that time I had no idea what was going on with me when I would stop my drugs as advised by my doctor who just said ADs were not addictive so I could just stop taking them. When I started feeling horribly she would just conclude my 'mental illness' came back worse than ever. So when I came here I was shocked to see what I had been going through for over 10 years in the new light. But I also had this experience of being able to stabilize and recover from most dreadful places by holding the same dose of the drug for months. My doctor would just put me back on the full dose of the drug and I knew I didn't have any option but to wait. So I experienced windows and waves without knowing what they were and without any support. Find this site was a life changing and a life saving experience for me. 

 

Thank you Bubble.

 

Unfortunately last evening the agitation started up again and today I feel once again completely overwhelmed by mental stuff. Terror, intrusive memories, claustrophobic in my own mind and home. Everything feels too much, sounds and feelings and thoughts. I can’t describe it but feel I’m going mad. 

 

If that was a window it was brief. I can’t work out what I’m doing wrong. If I’m bringing this on myself or if it’s the withdrawals/ stabilising. But it feels like the waves of this are consuming me. The akathisia is here, unable to find rest or peace from my head.

 

My son is going away for Christmas and it’s playing on my mind like I can’t bear it. 

 

Yesterday it seemed manageable. Today my head is racing and scared and can’t seem to find a point of reference to stop and feel ok. How can it be so dramatically different from one day or part of the day to the next? It’s cycling so dramatically.  I thought the window would last longer. I thought I’d turned a corner into a more steady window. 

 

 

Edited by Nikki74

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment

Is this rapid cycling from window back into wave the kind of thing you experienced? 

 

 

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

Is this rapid cycling from window back into wave the kind of thing you experienced? 

 

 

 

This is how mine manifests. One second I feel like I can survive this, like I'm coming out of it, only to be thrown back into the worst an hour later. Mine rapid cycles hour to hour and even months to minute. Not sure why

Aug-Dec 2015 Prozac 20mg / Dec 2015-Feb 2016 Prozac 15mg / Feb 2016-May2016 Prozac 20mg

May 2016-June 2016 15mg

June 2016-August 2016 10mg

October 2016-January 2017 15mg, alternating agitation/akathisia sets in --> cold turkey

January 2017 Clonazepam .5mg 

February 2017 Clonazepam 1mg (for a week) then .5mg morning and .25mg evening for about a month. Came down to .25mg morning and evening. 

May 1, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .125mg evening. // May 20, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .0625 evening (.3125 total).

early June .28125 // early mid june .25mg // mid june .21875 // late june .1875 // early july .15625 // early mid july .125 

mid july .09375mg // late july .0625 //early August 2017 down to .03125mg once a day, hopped off in mid August

reinstated at .0625mg late August // Oct 16 - updose to .07mg and switch to oral Rosemont solution

Nov 17 2017 reinstate Prozac .5mg // Nov 21 2017 prozac 1.6mg // Dec 18 2017  3mg prozac / fast taper off the reinstatement -- probably completely off early Oct 2018

June 2019 begin tapering off .07mg Clonazepam, Finish taper December 2019

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Yes, such rapid cycling is very typical for early stages of stabilisation! (That's why so many people who stop taking drugs and don't know anything about withdrawal get labelled with bipolar when they get to their psychiatrists. They only acknowledge early WD mostly physical symptoms as WD. The rest is relapse and very often bipolar.

 

I have to post the thread on windows and waves for you two to read.

 

When I came here after so many CTs and reinstatements it was relatively easy for me to understand that concept and it saved me from dreadful fear and hopelessness. I would just live from one positive moment to the next firmly believing that was the true me and did all I could to just disregard the rest.

 

What you are going through is so normal and expected (and actually a very good sign) that I even told you about it the other day:

21 hours ago, bubble said:

THIS is your baseline! Unfortunately the waves will return but you will know you are still there and that you will return to this place which will last longer and feel more stable each time and the waves will be getting weaker and weaker

 

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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2 hours ago, bheb said:

 

This is how mine manifests. One second I feel like I can survive this, like I'm coming out of it, only to be thrown back into the worst an hour later. Mine rapid cycles hour to hour and even months to minute. Not sure why

Thanks for responding Bheb. You’re tapering aren’t you? Do you ever get longer widows?

 

I know I’m a way off any stability. It’s quite clear. Just very hard to hold on when I feel I’m getting worse not better. It’s not linear I know. Started to think I’m getting an adverse reaction to one of my drugs. I know I’ve said this before. 

2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. 

June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg

Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May.  Start June stop pregablin after two week taper.  End June.  Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July  returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end)

diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm

8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May  @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam)

2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut  to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg

2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg  clonazepam 0.80 mg  mirtazapine 15 mg

2019 October present drugs:  Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals),  clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018),  mirtazapine 15 mg

2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg

previous signature here  recent dosing and symptom logs here

 

 

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