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littleball

littleball: I want to go back to what I used to be

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littleball

I've been having PSSD since my first assumption of an AD (November 2014). Now I am 14 months off of Effexor and almost 5 months clean from any substance, but sexuality is still compromised. Do you think that there is still hope for me?  

Should I get my prolactin levels analysed? I remember that one month after the first assumption I got my blood tested, because the shrinker wanted to see if there was any organic cause responsibile for my anxiety. And the only abnormal level in the results was prolactine. I should have stopped immediately.

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Altostrata

How have your symptoms changed over the last 6 months?

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littleball
2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

How have your symptoms changed over the last 6 months?

Hello Altostrata, over the last 6 months I haven't seen any improvement, maybe my mood is a bit stabler. 

I can't get aroused since 2014. My orgasm was inhibited while taking the drugs. When stopping the drugs it has immediately returned but it is more a mechanical thing, there is no sexual arousement before. 

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Altostrata

Do you have any other withdrawal symptoms?

 

Return of sensation can be very slow and gradual.

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littleball
5 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Do you have any other withdrawal symptoms?

 

Return of sensation can be very slow and gradual.

I report the list of my current symptoms:

 

-pins and needles, joint pain and feeling my nervous system is acting weird

-occasionally brain zaps, mainly while sleeping 

-daily malaises, feeling strange

-mood swings

-racing thoughts

-ocd 

-pssd in the form of no genital arousement and lubrication, neither spontaneous

 

Apart from the first two, I had those symptoms also while taking the drugs, so I'm not sure if this situation will ever change. What I am sure of is that I wasn't like this before. 

 

Sleeping has improved quite a bit and also the awakening in the morning, even if I still don't feel it back to normal. But I have to say that my lifestyle has changed positively: I am working fixed hours at the moment. 

 

Oh, my eye has stopped twitching, this symptom lasted only 3 weeks. 

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Altostrata
5 hours ago, littleball said:

Sleeping has improved quite a bit and also the awakening in the morning, even if I still don't feel it back to normal. But I have to say that my lifestyle has changed positively

 

You are still recovering. This can take years. It's hard, but you need to be patient. It helps if you can look back every 6 months and note improvements rather than worry and brood from day to day. Try to distract yourself from this. Read

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

 

"Is it always going to be like this?"

 

What does healing from withdrawal syndrome feel like?

 

The importance of feeling good

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littleball

Thank you so much for your words and useful links, but from time to time I get really sick of this situation, I lose my mind and I have to complain with someone 

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littleball

Update. New symptom: muscle spasms. 

 

I would like to ask a question.

 

I booked an appointment for my bladder problem with a very famous urologist, who is specialized in chronic diseases. 

I think I have understood what my main problem is: my pelvic floor is permanently contracted and this fact causes me chronic infection and pain. I looked up on the internet and I found that this doctor uses frequently benzos and muscle relaxants to cure these kind of diseases. 

 

Just in case, did anyone take muscle relaxant meds while in withdrawal? How did they affect you? Should I try a new therapy? My urinary tract is constantly infected and painful. I can't stand this situation anymore, something must be done. 

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littleball

Oh god, today it is awful indeed and there were some warning signs in the past few days. Extreme depression, I can feel it in my body. Nerve pain. I hope it will pass soon. 

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SkyBlue

Hi LB,

 

Sorry it has been a rough day.

 

Remember to cultivate those coping techniques, like the ones Alto posted.

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littleball
On 6/12/2018 at 4:13 AM, SkyBlue said:

Sorry it has been a rough day.

 

Thank You SkyBlue, it's horrible when deep depression attacks you without any notice. Eventually it went away.. these attacks are always short lived , but the weird thing is that I could tell exactly when they start and when they stop. It's like an abrupt change, which doesn't seem like true depression. I think that this is what a wave truly looks like. 

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littleball

Hello, is it possible that I still feel the same as while on Effexor and Zoloft? 

Effexor made me feel strange, not myself. 

I am still experiencing these exact feelings and symptoms like I was still taking ADs, but I quitted Effexor 15 months ago. Malaise, running thoughts, I can hear the sound of my voice speaking inside my head, mood swings, mind changes. 

How can I know this is not me? I don't know if I've got the point, I mean, the sides I had while on ADs never left and so I am starting to think that these were not sides, but instead my mind not functioning properly. I've felt the horrible same for 4 years, none of these never went away. It doesn't sound like withdrawal. 

 

And I've had tingling and burning sensations since september, never a moment without them. How can't it be permanent? 

I've read almost every reassuring post I could found in this site. But this is not enough. I want it to stop, now. I have been in this endless loop for almost 4 years, always hoping to get myself back. 

If anyone could report a similar experience to what I describe, I would much appreciate. 

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Pepita

this strange feeling you're talking about, that you had as well while being on meds as you have since you quit them: die you have it prior to the meds as well? 

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littleball
4 hours ago, Pepita said:

this strange feeling you're talking about, that you had as well while being on meds as you have since you quit them: die you have it prior to the meds as well? 

No, I swear. There used to be a correlation when I felt bad before. I've been feeling like a different person since taking the meds. 

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bhasski
On 6/23/2018 at 1:23 AM, littleball said:

Malaise, running thoughts, I can hear the sound of my voice speaking inside my head, mood swings, mind changes. 

 

This is what I feel too.

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jonnypeters1234567

How functional are you bhasski? Have you had periods of feeling close to normal?

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bhasski

I am about 25% of myself. Lacking energy and smile, talk, walk. 

 

I never had that feeling of close to normal in this wdl,  only hope that this would work like a switch.

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Pepita
7 hours ago, littleball said:

No, I swear. There used to be a correlation when I felt bad before. I've been feeling like a different person since taking the meds. 

well, if all that came with the meds I guess it should heal at some point! How long have you been on meds and what dosages?

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littleball
18 minutes ago, Pepita said:

well, if all that came with the meds I guess it should heal at some point! How long have you been on meds and what dosages?

2 years and 3 months and then 5 months later, first year Zoloft. 50 mg? 100 mg? I don't remember, I just remember that I didn't want to take it, but the doctor whom I saw every week kept pushing me to do so, otherwise she would have not given me counseling. Then Effexor, which was the real beast: one year 75 mg, 3 months 150 mg. I reinstated for 5 months some Prozac(10 mg) to cope with WD afterwards and then I stopped it without any worsening effect.

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littleball

This is the worst wave since last year. I feel rotten. I didn't remember that it could be possibile to feel so bad. But now I have a job position to hold and absolutely no family around to support me. 

I can't even smoke a cigarette, it drives me crazy. Skin is on fire. Hope that as soon as it ends I'll be better than before.

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keepinghope

Hi littleball did your pelvic floor tightness/contraction start once you were in withdrawal from SSRIs? 

Im suffering the same thing only I’ve nearly been off Prozac 3 years and it started around 2 years out from my last dose. 

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littleball
On 7/15/2018 at 5:14 PM, keepinghope said:

Hi littleball did your pelvic floor tightness/contraction start once you were in withdrawal from SSRIs? 

Im suffering the same thing only I’ve nearly been off Prozac 3 years and it started around 2 years out from my last dose. 

Hello, no actually this problem started after some months of Effexor. Tomorrow I am going to see an important urologist and hopefully get a diagnose. Have you registered any improvement?

 

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keepinghope
49 minutes ago, littleball said:

Hello, no actually this problem started after some months of Effexor. Tomorrow I am going to see an important urologist and hopefully get a diagnose. Have you registered any improvement?

 

No improvement so far. Hope you can get some answers tomorrow. 

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littleball
On 7/17/2018 at 8:27 PM, keepinghope said:

No improvement so far. Hope you can get some answers tomorrow. 

 

Hello, 

I went to this important urologist and neurologist (Dr. Francesco Pesce if you want to check him out). First of all he was very kind and sensitive, the appointment lasted 1 hour and half (!!) and he seemed to be truly understanding, even when I talked about my Effexor experience, although he didn't know about protracted withdrawal, but..

In fact I am questioning myself if some of my symptoms are Effexor related. Let me explain.

 

I was diagnosed with vulvodynia. In fact I have most of the symptoms. I also responded at the swab test. 

My chronic pain in urinating and burning sensation in my pelvic area started in February 2016. That time I got cystitis, which I cured with Cipro. The infection went away but the burning sensation showed up and has never gone away since then. 

He prescribed me 

-vitamin B supplements

-physiotherapy for the pelvic floor contractures

and also...

-Eperisone 150mg per day. It's a muscle relaxant, it seems more safer than Gabapentin. 

What do you think?

-a pomade with Amitryptiline to apply locally. What do you think? Do you think it's safe? 

All of this for six months. 

 

He told me that many ladies come to him with vulvodynia and that there is a correlation with ciprofloxacin assumption. Vulvodynia is very often caused by fluoroquinolones. 

 

But he also told me something I didn't want to know... he somehow destroyed the hope I had. He thinks that the neuropathy I have had from September 2017 (pins and needles all over my body 24/7, it's devastating) is from Cipro rather than Effexor, maybe he saw a lot of these cases. Actually I took it 7 times in a year and a half. 6th time was in August and the neuropathy showed up shortly later but I thought it was still Effexor WD, also my doctor told me so. 

Now, it still feels the same after all this time, never a window, nor even tiny improvement. 

Do you think I was floxed or that it is WD? I am afraid so. 

I read that Cipro neuropathy can be permanent, that the damage is real and invalidating. I would like to hear from people who recovered from Cipro neuropathy. I repeat, no improvements, neither tiny. 

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Altostrata

He knows about vulvodynia, you can follow his recommendations on that, but he's just guessing about the parethesia, littleball. You might as well expect slow, gradual recovery.

 

Apart from the pelvic issues, what is your symptom pattern now?

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littleball
13 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

He knows about vulvodynia, you can follow his recommendations on that, but he's just guessing about the parethesia, littleball. You might as well expect slow, gradual recovery.

 

Apart from the pelvic issues, what is your symptom pattern now?

 

Thank you very much Alto, I hope I will be as wise as you at the end of my journey!! xx

 

So, my symptom pattern is this:

 

-Wake up: feeling strange and thight, incapable of resume sleep even if I want to (used to sleep until twelve when I had the chance).

-Strange feeling, malaise like I had 10 cups of coffee at once, kind of nausea, whatever it is, starts at 10 in the morning, lasts all day long until maybe dinner time;

-At 5-7 feelings get worse, I feel terrible, I really can't explain it, it's strange.  Maybe it's exacerbated by the tiredness of being at work. 

-Some relax and I get back to the baseline, which is still not satisfying. 

 

Brain fog during PMS, feeling dizzy, like a zombie and utterly depressed, unable to interact with people. Actually I have two-three days like this every, let's say, 2 or 3 weeks. 

 

On weekends, when I am alone with myself I go crazy, because I can't help listening to all of these sensations. I know I should learn not to do it. 

 

Apart from that: muscle spasms, mood swings, OCD, voice in my conscience which I don't recognize as my own and which I read somewhere that can be a form of depersonalization.

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Altostrata

How much sleep do you get?

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

A lot of people find them helpful. Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

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littleball
16 hours ago, Altostrata said:

How much sleep do you get?

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

A lot of people find them helpful. Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

  

I can have 7-8 hours, fortunately. 

 

I took them for a while but didn't notice any difference, maybe the magnesium has a placebo effect on me so at times I still take it. 

 

I am now convinced I was floxed and that I am damned to peripheral neuropathy forever. It just can't be 24/7 from 10 months straight with no improvement. It can't be even AD, most people here report pricking skin as an occasional symptom. I just wanted to read some positive stories about Cipro and stuff but I can barely find them, it seems a serious condition even more than AD withdrawal and possibly with no cure.   

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Altostrata

You might give fish oil and magnesium a try for a while. How much magnesium did you take?

 

Whether you have withdrawal syndrome or adverse effects from ciprofloxin, a belief that you are doomed is not going to help you. If you have withdrawal syndrome, it will make recovery that much more difficult. If you believe you have been floxxed, you will need to join another Web forum to discuss it -- we don't know anything about that here.

 

Getting 7-8 hours of sleep is pretty good for withdrawal syndrome. The inability to get back to sleep is a very, very common symptom. Are you feeling better or worse than you did in February?

 

Read

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization 

 

"Is it always going to be like this?"

 

The importance of feeling good

 

Creating a new self after withdrawal

 

Protracted Withdrawal or PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome)

 

What does healing from withdrawal syndrome feel like?

 

Withdrawal dialogues & encouragement

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littleball
1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Are you feeling better or worse than you did in February?

 

I used to take 2 teaspoons of magnesium citrate with warm water, now I take it occasionally, while I took the fish oil for 2-3 months, I don't recall, maybe I will start again.

 

I don't know Alto, I feel quite the same, like trapped in an endless loop. The worst episode lasted from June 2017 to September, that time I couldn't function, it was hell, I was suicidal and psychotic. But once over that, I felt the same. 

I will try to be positive, I promised. I have already changed something in my life, the diet at least. I eat healthy and many different kind of foods I like to discover everyday. 

 

Next week I'm going to see Fava, I hope he'll give me his opinion as well. 

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Altostrata

Please let us know about your meeting with Dr. Fava.

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littleball
1 minute ago, Altostrata said:

Please let us know about your meeting with Dr. Fava.

Sure! 😊

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littleball
On 7/21/2018 at 10:51 PM, Altostrata said:

Please let us know about your meeting with Dr. Fava.

 

So I was a bit disappointed by this meeting, I got nothing new from him. 

 

He said we won't ever know whether my diffused paresthesia was caused by Effexor, Cipro or by their interaction, but the important thing is that I will never get them again and that this phenomena tend to fade away with time, not like 15 days, but a long time to the nerves repairing themselves. 

 

He didn't recognize mine as neuropathy, for to say this I would have to undergo some clinical examinations, neither paresthesia: for him I put too much attention to this disturbances and so I might perpetrate these disease with my anxiety. He talked about hypersensitivity instead. I think he didn't get or was pretending not to get the impact of paresthesia to my mental health, but let's move on. 

 

Anyway he was kind of minimizing what I have, when I said that I had stopped Effexor in March 2017, he was like "Pff, you are out!". 

Ok, I can have a life, that's true, maybe I am luckier than many people here, but I have so many annoying disturbances which keep me far away from tranquility. 

 

I didn't like the fact he was sceptical about what the other doctor said: for him I don't have vulvodynia, he relates this disease to a psychosomatic (NO WAY!) and that I can try the medicines, but they won't do anything as they are symptomatic treatments. He said to try maybe clonazepam (he believes this and fluoxetine are really safe) as it acts like a muscle relaxant too. 

 

All he said seemed fair (except for the vulvodynia thing, he might be have no idea), but I wasn't happy he didn't gave me much insight about withdrawal, I wished we discussed more. 

 

 

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Altostrata

Hypersensitivity is a valid description. It seems to me he shared what he knows with you.

 

Depending on your symptoms, your "vulvodynia" might also be a hypersensitivity reaction brought on by withdrawal. It's not a disease, all it says is you have discomfort. When did it start?

 

You may wish to search on this site for our discussions of a condition called PGAD.

 

Have you tried Epsom salts baths? The magnesium in Epsom salts is relaxing.


If you have a neurological ailment that does not conform to recognized neurological conditions such as Parkinson's, a diagnosis and explanation of exactly how the condition developed is expecting too much from doctors. Most of the people here who have gone to doctors to find the neurological source of their symptoms have not had any success. Doctors simply do not know that much about the neurological systems.

 

 

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littleball
14 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Depending on your symptoms, your "vulvodynia" might also be a hypersensitivity reaction brought on by withdrawal. It's not a disease, all it says is you have discomfort. When did it start?

Thank you much again Alto for your support. 

 

It started in Feb 2016 when I took Cipro for the first time in my life after a cystitis, it was more than a year before withdrawal. Pain is recurrent and constant when urinating. I took Cipro multiple times and the pain got worse as soon as I took it. 

 

God, I wish I could take some Epsom baths (they are also good for cellulite haha), but I don't have a bathtub here in my apt  :(  when I move into another one, I will check for the bathtub first. 

 

20 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

If you have a neurological ailment that does not conform to recognized neurological conditions such as Parkinson's, a diagnosis and explanation of exactly how the condition developed is expecting too much from doctors. Most of the people here who have gone to doctors to find the neurological source of their symptoms have not had any success. Doctors simply do not know that much about the neurological systems.

 

I completely agree with this, but I was looking for some prognosis for this extreme hypersensitivity at least: will it go away or not? Ok, it will, we all know, but are we sure when it gets to the nerves?  It seems just too much, too constant, abnormal, like I haven't had a 30 seconds window in almost one year and I am proud of myself for not going nuts. 

I know I have to live with uncertainty, but I think that being peaceful in such condition (chronic pain and annoying disturbances) is extremely difficult. And I don't deserve this torture: I have been suffering for all my life before (because of my mum I was even put in an orphanage from age 5 to 7). It makes me cry, thinking how miserable I have become, how I discomforted I feel with everything, so that I don't call it life.

 

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Altostrata
1 hour ago, littleball said:

God, I wish I could take some Epsom baths (they are also good for cellulite haha), but I don't have a bathtub here in my apt  :(  when I move into another one, I will check for the bathtub first. 

 

You can get magnesium oil to rub on your body.

 

However, if you have pain while urinating, have you seen a urologist? That sounds like a urinary tract problem.

 

I believe we discussed this a number of time -- the hypersensitivity, which is common in withdrawal syndrome, very gradually goes away. You need to be patient.

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