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☼ RealMe: fighting depression/withdrawal from Abilify, Trintellix now on Prozac

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wantrelief

Hi RM,

 

I wanted to let you know that I am sorry you are having a bad wave.  As DBNO stated, you were just trying to get help and did nothing wrong - you did not do this to yourself.  I am hoping this wave passes you by soon.

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RealMe
On 1/17/2018 at 8:24 PM, wantrelief said:

Hi RM,

 

I wanted to let you know that I am sorry you are having a bad wave.  As DBNO stated, you were just trying to get help and did nothing wrong - you did not do this to yourself.  I am hoping this wave passes you by soon.

Hi WR,

I just don't know how I would get through these waves without such kindness and understanding. I had a better day today.  Thank you so much.  Hope you are doing well.

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RealMe
On 1/17/2018 at 7:17 PM, Rosetta said:

no reason for guilt.  You could not have known.  Ok, your anger at the docs is legitimate, but does it hurt you more than help you?  Are you turning it against yourself?  You can't make them pay, but what if you stop making yourself pay with guilt?

Thank you for your wise thoughts.  My head goes to self blame when I'm having a hard time.  Today is a better day.  I really appreciate your looking in on me.  Hope you are doing well.

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RealMe
On 1/17/2018 at 8:00 PM, Downbutnotout said:

And you’re dealing with your physical symptoms with acceptance and determination. I’m 67, so we could easily be friends.

Hi DBNO, I follow your posts also, and I am sure we will be friends and heal together.  I do try to accept my symptoms, but some days are harder than others.  Today was a better day.  Thank you so much for your kind words.

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Rosetta

Glad your day was better.  So was mine in the end.  

 

I'm off to bed.

 

Rosetta

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RealMe
On 1/4/2018 at 12:53 AM, Rosetta said:

Feeling Good about CBT, and the Feeling Good workbook

Hi Rosetta,

Is the author of this book David Burns?  Feeling Good about CBT

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Downbutnotout
On 1/18/2018 at 10:59 PM, RealMe said:

Hi DBNO, I follow your posts also, and I am sure we will be friends and heal together.  I do try to accept my symptoms, but some days are harder than others.  Today was a better day.  Thank you so much for your kind words.

 

On 1/18/2018 at 10:59 PM, RealMe said:

Hi DBNO, I follow your posts also, and I am sure we will be friends and heal together.  I do try to accept my symptoms, but some days are harder than others.  Today was a better day.  Thank you so much for your kind words.

Thank you for yours. We can do this.im glad you’re having a better day! 

 

 

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Rosetta
1 hour ago, RealMe said:

Hi Rosetta,

Is the author of this book David Burns?  Feeling Good about CBT

 

Yes, it was.  He wrote Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy and Feeling Good Together.  Then, this "handbook" seems to be yet another book.  There is a separate workbook that is 8 1/2 by 11 inches.  His daughter is now writing updated versions of some of his books.  There's a Ted Talk and some other videos on YouTube, but I haven't watched any of them.  I think the website is feelinggood.com

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RealMe

Just checking in.  Yesterday was godawful, and today is better.  I got my gray hair colored, and I kept as busy as I could all day. Talked to an old friend who kept asking me about my medication, dystonia and tinnitus, and I know I was a little agitated.  I told her I had to get used to it because it's not going away, and I don't want to talk about it.  She said, "Ok, I won't ask you anymore."  She's one of the people I apparently was crying to before I was able to control myself a little bit.  I completely forgot what Gridley says.

 

Gridley:  "When people ask, I say, 'I'm having some health issues.  Not life-threatening but they may take a little while to work out.  Thanks for asking.'  If they persist, I say, 'I'd rather not go into it right now.'"  

 

I think I would make it worse by apologizing.  I don't know.  For now, I'm going to try to let it go.  At least I was able to talk to my friend at all.  

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Downbutnotout
On 1/18/2018 at 10:59 PM, RealMe said:

Hi DBNO, I follow your posts also, and I am sure we will be friends and heal together.  I do try to accept my symptoms, but some days are harder than others.  Today was a better day.  Thank you so much for your kind words.

 

On 1/18/2018 at 10:59 PM, RealMe said:

Hi DBNO, I follow your posts also, and I am sure we will be friends and heal together.  I do try to accept my symptoms, but some days are harder than others.  Today was a better day.  Thank you so much for your kind words.

Thank you for yours. We can do this.im glad you’re having a better day!

 

3 hours ago, RealMe said:

Just checking in.  Yesterday was godawful, and today is better.  I got my gray hair colored, and I kept as busy as I could all day. Talked to an old friend who kept asking me about my medication, dystonia and tinnitus, and I know I was a little agitated.  I told her I had to get used to it because it's not going away, and I don't want to talk about it.  She said, "Ok, I won't ask you anymore."  She's one of the people I apparently was crying to before I was able to control myself a little bit.  I completely forgot what Gridley says.

 

Gridley:  "When people ask, I say, 'I'm having some health issues.  Not life-threatening but they may take a little while to work out.  Thanks for asking.'  If they persist, I say, 'I'd rather not go into it right now.'"  

 

I think I would make it worse by apologizing.  I don't know.  For now, I'm going to try to let it go.  At least I was able to talk to my friend at all.  

I wouldn’t  apologize. She probably didn’t make much out of it. She was probably just trying to be a good friend.  I told a lot of people I was depressed and now when they ask I say I’m okay. 

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RealMe

Awful day with tinnitus yesterday again.  I am thinking maybe tomatoes aggravate it.  I stay away from any sugar, diet sodas, now tomatoes.  I'm afraid to eat, afraid to exercise.  Back to sleeping all morning.  I got up to take care of my granddaughters before my husband drove them to school, then went back to sleep till 11.  Just immobilized with anxiety.  Going to try a gentle walk in the sunshine later.

 

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Rosetta

That's a good idea to walk in the sunshine, and I'm glad you got some extra sleep this morning.  Taking care of oneself is important.  I hope the anxiety passes soon.  -- Rosetta

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RealMe
5 hours ago, Rosetta said:

That's a good idea to walk in the sunshine, and I'm glad you got some extra sleep this morning.  Taking care of oneself is important.  I hope the anxiety passes soon.  -- Rosetta

Thank you, Rosetta.  I vacillate between SI and praying for strength to cope with this awful tinnitus.  It ramped up after dinner.  I'm afraid to eat anymore.

 

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RealMe

I hope I will be posting something positive at some point.  I am tired of my constant complaining, and I'm sure no one is helped by it.  So I won't be writing for now.

 

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Downbutnotout
17 minutes ago, RealMe said:

Thank you, Rosetta.  I vacillate between SI and praying for strength to cope with this awful tinnitus.  It ramped up after dinner.  I'm afraid to eat anymore.

 

I am so sorry you’re suffering. 

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Downbutnotout
18 minutes ago, RealMe said:

I hope I will be posting something positive at some point.  I am tired of my constant complaining, and I'm sure no one is helped by it.  So I won't be writing for now.

 

Keep posting. I walked in the snow, and went swimming. Played majong, and won. 95cents from 3 people. I am so rich. I tried singing. Trying it all. Almost cried. Hope you tinnitus stops. 

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Kristine
8 hours ago, RealMe said:

Awful day with tinnitus yesterday again.  I am thinking maybe tomatoes aggravate it.  I stay away from any sugar, diet sodas, now tomatoes.  I'm afraid to eat, afraid to exercise.  Back to sleeping all morning.  I got up to take care of my granddaughters before my husband drove them to school, then went back to sleep till 11.  Just immobilized with anxiety.  Going to try a gentle walk in the sunshine later.

Hey RealMe,  I agree with D, Keep posting..try not to isolate yourself.  I have only experienced tinnitus for short periods, and that was bad enough. I can only try to imagine what it is like for you to suffer from this symptom almost constantly.  It is no wonder you are crippled by anxiety as well.  You have had time periods where the tinnitus has lessened in intensity (even stopped at times)...this is very encouraging for the future. Thinking of you and just remember you are not alone. K xo

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wantrelief

 

3 hours ago, RealMe said:

I hope I will be posting something positive at some point.  I am tired of my constant complaining, and I'm sure no one is helped by it.  So I won't be writing for now.

 

I am thinking about you too and am so sorry you are struggling, RealMe.  Please don't stop writing if you are having a bad day....those are the days you need the most support so it would be beneficial for you to come here....and you aren't complaining at all.  I really hope you get a break soon.

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Littlegrandma
7 hours ago, wantrelief said:

 

I am thinking about you too and am so sorry you are struggling, RealMe.  Please don't stop writing if you are having a bad day....those are the days you need the most support so it would be beneficial for you to come here....and you aren't complaining at all.  I really hope you get a break soon.

I second that RealMe. If you just need to vent, we’re here. Lg

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RealMe

Thank you LittleGrandma, Wantrelief, Kristine, Downbutnotout, and Rosetta for the support.  Today the tinnitus was godawful, but other symptoms seemed better, so I coped better today.

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Downbutnotout

I’m glad.

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powerback
On ‎13‎/‎01‎/‎2018 at 2:59 AM, Kristine said:

Hi RealMe...I really like this video...maybe you will too...bit of distraction 😊

 

 

This is very good K,i need to watch it over and over to ward away the nasty super ego popping up in this process .

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Kristine
On 28/01/2018 at 1:14 PM, RealMe said:

Thank you LittleGrandma, Wantrelief, Kristine, Downbutnotout, and Rosetta for the support.  Today the tinnitus was godawful, but other symptoms seemed better, so I coped better today.

Hi RM,  So lovely to hear from you.  I'm sorry again about your ongoing tinnitus but glad other symptoms have subsided.  My nausea disappeared for a few days but now it's back with gusto.  But the vertigo and dizziness has subsided...what next?  Half expecting my head to rotate 360 degrees! Love to you. K xo

 

10 hours ago, powerback said:

This is very good K,i need to watch it over and over to ward away the nasty super ego popping up in this process .

Lol, glad you liked it PB...it's a wee bit corny but I believe kindness is contagious as long as nothing is expected in return. Hugs to you. K xo

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RealMe
23 hours ago, Kristine said:

Half expecting my head to rotate 360 degrees! Love to you. K xo

Thank you, Kristine.  You are a delightful support person.  You are a calming influence on me and make me smile when I feel like doing anything but!  

 

Speaking of what I don't feel like doing, that's what I've been focussing on.  I signed up to substitute teach on Wednesday just to force my head out of myself.  I know I will show up for work once I say I'm going to be there.  Today I went out to lunch with some friends, and I noticed that everyone around me was chatting away while I sat there silently.  I forced myself to join the conversation.  I feel like so much of my life is pretending to live, pretending to be a self.  I know I'm weird, but -- tada!!! -- I don't need to be medicated because of it.  

 

My appetite is certainly back.  I've regained all the weight I lost, and now I fear I may be gaining.  I only weigh myself once a month because jumping off and on the scale used to be an obsessive  habit of mine.  So I will wait until the first of Feb. to find out and then adjust accordingly, I hope.  This is a high class problem compared to what I've been going through.  It actually is a sign of normalcy for me to care about my weight again or how I look.  I've been wearing the same outfit every day for 5 months like a uniform.  I have 3 pairs of black leggings, 3 black tee shirts, black socks and a plaid flannel shirt, so even though I change off, I always have my uniform on.

 

Although I slip back into very dark self pity, I have a more frequent determination to habituate to my symptoms and carry on.

Tinnitus is the worst, so difficult

Wearing my hearing aids, listening to masking sounds once in a while (they usually annoy more than help)

Anxious about foods that might aggravate tinnitus and don't know what they all are (nitrates, salt, tomatoes, nuts, diet soda, caffeine, what else?) Binging on cream cheese. 

Phobic about getting the flu and don't want anyone to touch me.

Dystonia of my head and neck

Tremors in my hands, sometimes in my arms and sides

Swollen tongue, I keep biting it

Alternate between feeling very hot and freezing cold (I'm beyond changes)

Waking up 3 or 4 times during the night

Sleeping too much in the morning and sometimes also in the afternoon

Thankfully not feeling suicidal lately.  This is big.

Can't exercise the way I used to, too much sitting, but taking very short, gentle walks outside on occasion

Can concentrate much better on reading, meditation

Forcing myself to socialize a little

Thinking I should do something for fun, but things I used to like don't appeal to me

Saw a new therapist twice, not sure if it is good for me, but keeping an open mind.

 

 

 

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Kristine

Hi RealMe,  That is so kind of you to say...I'm glad I was able to help you smile.  Thank you for getting my sense of humour,  because it's a bit odd at times!

3 hours ago, RealMe said:

Speaking of what I don't feel like doing, that's what I've been focussing on.  I signed up to substitute teach on Wednesday just to force my head out of myself.  I know I will show up for work once I say I'm going to be there.  Today I went out to lunch with some friends, and I noticed that everyone around me was chatting away while I sat there silently.  I forced myself to join the conversation.  I feel like so much of my life is pretending to live, pretending to be a self.  I know I'm weird, but -- tada!!! -- I don't need to be medicated because of it.  

You go girl!!! Wow, that's impressive.  You are doing all the right things...I think sometimes you just gotta 'fake it till you make it' and slowly life will fall into place.  Just getting out into work and socialising is such an important and confidence building step.  I'm not there yet but am looking forward to it.  This week I'm leaving the house to go to the hairdresser...this might sound trivial but it's a big step for me.  I'm having a cut and colour so I'll have to sit in a chair for at least two hours! Btw, I like weird because it means interesting and not boring 🙂 And no, interesting should never be medicated 😉

3 hours ago, RealMe said:

My appetite is certainly back.  I've regained all the weight I lost, and now I fear I may be gaining.  I only weigh myself once a month because jumping off and on the scale used to be an obsessive  habit of mine.  So I will wait until the first of Feb. to find out and then adjust accordingly, I hope.  This is a high class problem compared to what I've been going through.  It actually is a sign of normalcy for me to care about my weight again or how I look.  I've been wearing the same outfit every day for 5 months like a uniform.  I have 3 pairs of black leggings, 3 black tee shirts, black socks and a plaid flannel shirt, so even though I change off, I always have my uniform on.

I'm so pleased your appetite is back.  Are you enjoying your meals? Such a simple pleasure in life. Oh Lordy! Why is the process of choosing what to wear and just getting dressed so difficult.  I think it is sensible to have a 'uniform', one less thing to think about.  Unfortunatly I spent most of my time in my PJs...it's not that I don't want to get dressed but the pjs are loose and comfortable and don't exacerbate my burning skin, muscular pain etc etc...However,  I think it chips away at our confidence.  I don't feel very feminine. Right now I'm just striving to feel human!

 

Also, thank you for the update of your symptoms/experiences.  Overall you are doing so very well! Don't worry I suffer from the self pity crap as well.  I really wish I could throw that tinnitus in a rubbish bin for you.  Your comment on 'fun' grabbed my attention.  I'm trying to remember the last time I had 'fun'....still trying....ummmm...I'll get back to you! I used to love eating out.  Can't do it now for multiple reasons...nausea...food tastes strange...restaurants are noisey...can't hold a glass with a steady hand...too much sensory stimulation...can't sit for extended periods...need to have my hair done!  It's one hell of a ride but you are not alone.  Much Love. K xo

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RealMe

Yesterday I went to work substitute teaching and had to remove my hearing aids because it was so loud between the tinnitus and the noisy students.   The classroom (not the halls and cafeteria) was a good distraction, and I enjoyed the kids.  I felt like I fixed myself up a little and accomplished a good day like a normal person.  Today I went to therapy and asked how long he felt I should come in for sessions.  He said we would reassess in about 6 weeks.  I reviewed my goal of tapering off Prozac, and he said he didn't think the small amount I'm on was having any effect (lol).  Thank goodness I found SA and will continue with my slow taper plan as suggested here.  At least he is not opposed to my tapering plan and seems to be sensible in other regards.  I'm just looking for therapeutic or emotional support while I transition out of psychiatry land.  

 

Tuesday I have my appointment with my general practitioner, and I hope I know how to talk to him so that he will prescribe the prozac I am taking (since I no longer see the psychiatrist).  I have read the suggestions on how to talk to your doctor, and I hope I can do so successfully.

 

I've been thinking that I need to do something for fun if I'm going to be well, instead of just getting therapy, working, baby-sitting, reading about withdrawal/depression and thinking; so today I went to the senior citizen center to see about activities, trips and gentle exercises.  The people there looked so old (:rolleyes:).  It's only recently that I have considered myself elderly.  Actually, the exact moment was when I read that Abilify more frequently causes tremors and tardive dyskinesia in elderly patients.  I said to myself, "hey, that's me.  They shouldn't have given that to me."  I'm 72, but I didn't realize that meant elderly.  I'm not ready to kick the can, but I do have to take age into consideration for my health.

 

I got on the scale today; and in spite of all the binging on cream cheese and lack of exercise this past month, I didn't gain weight.  Yay.  So I binged on cream cheese today.   It was pretty good.  Even though my head is ringing and screeching, it's not as bad as usual; and I feel like I'm mentally stable.  It's a freakin' miracle.  A window, right?  May it please continue.

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Downbutnotout
1 hour ago, RealMe said:

Yesterday I went to work substitute teaching and had to remove my hearing aids because it was so loud between the tinnitus and the noisy students.   The classroom (not the halls and cafeteria) was a good distraction, and I enjoyed the kids.  I felt like I fixed myself up a little and accomplished a good day like a normal person.  Today I went to therapy and asked how long he felt I should come in for sessions.  He said we would reassess in about 6 weeks.  I reviewed my goal of tapering off Prozac, and he said he didn't think the small amount I'm on was having any effect (lol).  Thank goodness I found SA and will continue with my slow taper plan as suggested here.  At least he is not opposed to my tapering plan and seems to be sensible in other regards.  I'm just looking for therapeutic or emotional support while I transition out of psychiatry land.  

 

Tuesday I have my appointment with my general practitioner, and I hope I know how to talk to him so that he will prescribe the prozac I am taking (since I no longer see the psychiatrist).  I have read the suggestions on how to talk to your doctor, and I hope I can do so successfully.

 

I've been thinking that I need to do something for fun if I'm going to be well, instead of just getting therapy, working, baby-sitting, reading about withdrawal/depression and thinking; so today I went to the senior citizen center to see about activities, trips and gentle exercises.  The people there looked so old (:rolleyes:).  It's only recently that I have considered myself elderly.  Actually, the exact moment was when I read that Abilify more frequently causes tremors and tardive dyskinesia in elderly patients.  I said to myself, "hey, that's me.  They shouldn't have given that to me."  I'm 72, but I didn't realize that meant elderly.  I'm not ready to kick the can, but I do have to take age into consideration for my health.

 

I got on the scale today; and in spite of all the binging on cream cheese and lack of exercise this past month, I didn't gain weight.  Yay.  So I binged on cream cheese today.   It was pretty good.  Even though my head is ringing and screeching, it's not as bad as usual; and I feel like I'm mentally stable.  It's a freakin' miracle.  A window, right?  May it please continue.

Good for you! I can relate to what you say about joining in the conversation. I’ll make sure I don’t take abilify although that was one if my choices early on. 

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RealMe
8 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

Good for you! 

Thank you, DBNO.  How are you doing today?

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Downbutnotout
16 minutes ago, RealMe said:

Thank you, DBNO.  How are you doing today?

Yesterday I upped my beads from 5 to 10 in desperation. I was thinking if I went up it would take some of the anxiety and depression away. I really things would’ve been different if Id tapered off the Effexor.  I’m trying to listen so I went back down to 5. Anyway, You give me some hope that maybe one day I’ll get a window.  I’ve had little ones. In the beginning I had a few. Enjoy!!

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Kristine
1 hour ago, RealMe said:

Yesterday I went to work substitute teaching and had to remove my hearing aids because it was so loud between the tinnitus and the noisy students.   The classroom (not the halls and cafeteria) was a good distraction, and I enjoyed the kids.  I felt like I fixed myself up a little and accomplished a good day like a normal person.

Oh RM, what wonderful news! That just made my day...thank you so much for sharing this :) 

 

1 hour ago, RealMe said:

I've been thinking that I need to do something for fun if I'm going to be well, instead of just getting therapy, working, baby-sitting, reading about withdrawal/depression and thinking; so today I went to the senior citizen center to see about activities, trips and gentle exercises.  The people there looked so old (:rolleyes:).  It's only recently that I have considered myself elderly.  Actually, the exact moment was when I read that Abilify more frequently causes tremors and tardive dyskinesia in elderly patients.  I said to myself, "hey, that's me.  They shouldn't have given that to me."  I'm 72, but I didn't realize that meant elderly.  I'm not ready to kick the can, but I do have to take age into consideration for my health.

Lol!! Age is nothing but a number my friend...and certainly don't let it be defined by Abilify! 

1 hour ago, RealMe said:

Even though my head is ringing and screeching, it's not as bad as usual; and I feel like I'm mentally stable.  It's a freakin' miracle.  A window, right?  May it please continue.

Yayyy!!!! Happy dance! 

So happy for you

hugs and love. K xo

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wantrelief

What great news, RM....so happy for you! :)

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Littlegrandma

That is great news, RM.  You were long overdue. I hope it gets better and better for you!!   Lg

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Ogres

Hi RealMe, 

 

glad to hear from you! It looks like you're in the driving seat and doing all the right things. 

Wishing you luck with GP appointment. 

Sending you positive vibes!

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RealMe
4 hours ago, Ogres said:

Hi RealMe, 

 

glad to hear from you! It looks like you're in the driving seat and doing all the right things. 

Wishing you luck with GP appointment. 

Sending you positive vibes!

Oh hi, Ogres!  I've missed you.  So good to hear from you.  How are you doing?  Thank you for your positive vibes.  I will put them to good use! :)

Give me an update when you can.

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RealMe
13 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

Yesterday I upped my beads from 5 to 10 in desperation. I was thinking if I went up it would take some of the anxiety and depression away. I really things would’ve been different if Id tapered off the Effexor.  I’m trying to listen so I went back down to 5. Anyway, You give me some hope that maybe one day I’ll get a window.  I’ve had little ones. In the beginning I had a few. Enjoy!!

So sorry you are struggling with anxiety and depression.  You are not alone!  There is hope here.  Wishing you a healing day.

 

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RealMe
13 hours ago, Littlegrandma said:

That is great news, RM.  You were long overdue. I hope it gets better and better for you!!   Lg

Thank you, Lg.  How are you doing today?  I think I am resting on my laurels today.  I slept all morning again, but I'm not going to beat myself up about that.  Recovery is not linear, right?  I'm going to try to take a walk in the sun today.

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