☼ RealMe: fighting depression/withdrawal from Abilify, Trintellix now on Prozac

[bhasski]

2 hours ago, PoetJester said:

  i did do a parasite cleanse with a puree of raw pumpkin seeds and carrot juice the other day  and found a toilet bowl full of 3/4" worms last night.  it may explain my my horrible digestive problems, fatigue and insomnia to some extent.  

 

@PoetJester Sorry you are going through tough phase.

I too is homebound bcoz of neuroemotions and tension built in.. also many other symptoms.

 

You mentioned above parasitic cleaning.. did it help? 

Could you tell me the process to do it.. may be it can help my digestive issues?

[RealMe]

So sorry you are having such troubles.  I have never tried that procedure.  At first, I didn't realize you did that on purpose.

8 hours ago, PoetJester said:

it may explain my my horrible digestive problems, fatigue and insomnia to some extent.  

 

[PoetJester]

On 4/13/2018 at 12:41 AM, bhasski said:

 

@PoetJester Sorry you are going through tough phase.

I too is homebound bcoz of neuroemotions and tension built in.. also many other symptoms.

 

You mentioned above parasitic cleaning.. did it help? 

Could you tell me the process to do it.. may be it can help my digestive issues?

 

Hi Bhasski

 

sorry about getting back to you late.  i had started to type out a long explanation to you, but never finished it and had other things going on the past few days  ( mostly just internet searches about treating parasites.  going to my doctors has been more of a hurdle than a help so far which makes this so frustrating).  

 

quickly about the cleanse-  i made a puree of about a half a cup of raw pumpkin seeds and a little bit of carrot juice to give it a paste consistency and ate it down.  i had a very mild stomach ache at first ( i actually think it was from the carrot juice on an empty stomach) and it just sort of seem to sit in my gut for the day.  i had the usual bloating and so i took magnesium that night.  the next day i had some morning bowel movements but still felt backed up so i did a salt water flush later in the afternoon.  i went to the bathroom afterwards and thats when i discovered the worms-  at first it was just ordinary stool, but i forgot to flush and later it dissolved into clumps and clumps of worms.   i sound totally loony but i am not lying.   

 

i felt great afterwards and had a huge boost in energy, back to normal levels pre wd and pre pills.  i biked to the grocery store in half the time i usually do that night.  it was incredible.  but i am back to where i started today- bloating and fatigue and feeling pregnant.  i have some ivermectin (praziquantel), a dewormer for horses on hand that i bought online a few weeks ago, which i am a little hesitant to use.  i have taken another batch of the pumpkin seed puree since (make sure you get raw seeds if you do it) but it's just been sitting in my guts and won't move so i wonder if i have a mess of worms blocking things up.  

 

i did a cleanse with something called wormwood early last year (it's what absinthe is made with) and had great results for 2 days-  two hours after i first took it, i was having full bowel movements every 30 minutes for 2 hours.  i lost like 5 lbs including a weeks worth of dehydrated apples from the instant oatmeal i have for breakfast which apparently don't digest and get stuck somewhere in the digestive tract and my energy levels shot up and my food sensitivities (fatigue and after meal sneezing and congestion) disappeared, but on the third day i had severe kidney pains and had to stop.  wormwood is known to cause pretty severe reactions especially to the kidneys.

 

Poetjester

[bhasski]

Thanks @PoetJester

I had just crushed about a cup of full shelled pumpkin seeds.

 

I am planning to flush tomorrow or the day after.

Carrot juice is not the option at my place. Small town.. only seasonal fruits come here.

 

Could I use any other thing than carrot juice? Dairy was said  wrong when searched web.

 

 

 

The same food  stuck feeling is always there... and I feel dull and more fatigued after a meal and also more frustrated.

 

Well this is all flared up after the CT of the drugs.. I tried to treat with online suggestions for leaky gut with supps... but failed..

May be this will give some relief.

 

Also hw much pumpkin seeds I use?

I have 50g which is about 1 full tea cup.

[PoetJester]

6 minutes ago, bhasski said:

Thanks @PoetJester

I had just crushed about a cup of full shelled pumpkin seeds.

 

I am planning to flush tomorrow or the day after.

Carrot juice is not the option at my place. Small town.. only seasonal fruits come here.

 

Could I use any other thing than carrot juice? Dairy was said  wrong when searched web.

 

 

 

The same food  stuck feeling is always there... and I feel dull and more fatigued after a meal and also more frustrated.

 

Well this is all flared up after the CT of the drugs.. I tried to treat with online suggestions for leaky gut with supps... but failed..

May be this will give some relief.

 

Also hw much pumpkin seeds I use?

I have 50g which is about 1 full tea cup.

 

i used about 1/2 tea cup of raw shelled pumpkin seeds.  i think you could use coconut milk if you have it instead of the carrot juice, but i would try to not add too much liquid so you do not dilute the pumpkin seed paste too much.  like i said the pumpkin seed puree seems to stay in the gut for a while so you may want to use some sort of laxative the next day after taking it.  the salt water flush (32 oz warm water and 1 TB of Sea Salt that you gulp down as quickly as you can, worked pretty well for me ).      also take the pumpkin seed puree on an empty stomach.  

 

shredded carrots, pineapple, shredded coconut, garlic are all used in parasite cleansing.  i have tried them all but had the best results with the pumpkin seed. garlic worked a little too, but seems hard on my liver after a while.    i would try prescription medication but doctors in the US only believe parasite infections occur in 3rd world countries and won't prescribe anything for me, even though my toilet bowl was full of stuff the other day.  just my luck, i guess.  happens a lot from what i have seen online, where people go undiagnosed for a year or two despite seeing several specialists. 

 

i was just watching a youtube video of a popular medical television show over here called Dr.  Oz.  He had on a young woman in her early 30's on the show who came down with hookworm and her health deteriorated for 2 years.  She had gone to dozens of doctors who could tell her nothing until she found a doctor familiar with parasite infections and how to treat them and she eventually was healed.   there are other stories of people in grave health who doctors don't know what's happening to and they later have a CT scan done that reveals a tapeworm in the brain.  

 

my fecal breath is horrendous and started as soon as i drank a beer in 2016.  the pint of beer also instantly caused loss of appetite, bloating, constipation although i had fatigue after eating before the beer/fecal breath incident.   the fecal smell goes away if i do a magnesium flush of my bowels which indicates that it is not an oral issue.  the gastroenterologists have told me nothing.  one said that i may have slept with my mouth open the night i had beer and that my mouth dried out.  i had to bike 15 kg in bad health to get that lame diagnosis.    another told me to see a dentist.  i tell them the smell is coming from my esophagus and lungs and goes away when i flush my bowels but they don't care and won't do anything.  

 

poetjester

 

ps.  i am with you on the bike riding.  that's about my only source of pleasure these days.  my apartment reminds me of a cell in hell so i try to get out on my bike as much as i can to avoid the place.  i actually bike out to golf courses and hunt golf balls and sell them online to make money.  i bike around 20 km to some courses and spend a few hours walking through the woods and weeds looking for balls and then bike back.  

 

pps.  a product called IBgard which is a specially coated peppermint oil pill has also helped me with my digestive issues.  that's all i have had for successes, peppermint oil and pumpkin seeds and yet my apartment is full of boxes of  supplements that i have bought online.  

[bhasski]

@PoetJester

Same here with supplements.. though i havent bought in a while as they cost much and mostly come from U.S . No supplement culture here.

 

I think wdl had made me lost my senses to get better anyhow..  so I had spent  much money out of my senses.

 

I had been taking black seed oil for a month .. a person on reddit suggested.. but it didnt help much. But it was a local online bought.

 

Thanks. 

PS : I will update if this Pumpkin thing help.

Also sorry to hijack @RealMe's thread. 

 

[PoetJester]

6 minutes ago, bhasski said:

@PoetJester

Same here with supplements.. though i havent bought in a while as they cost much and mostly come from U.S . No supplement culture here.

 

I think wdl had made me lost my senses to get better anyhow..  so I had spent  much money out of my senses.

 

I had been taking black seed oil for a month .. a person on reddit suggested.. but it didnt help much. But it was a local online bought.

 

Thanks. 

PS : I will update if this Pumpkin thing help.

Also sorry to hijack @RealMe's thread. 

 

 

Yeah, i am pretty desperate over here, too.  i just throw what little money i have after supplements i read good reviews for online.   

 

i just bought black seed oil myself.  one of my regular customers for the golf balls, a really nice older gentleman who owns a practice driving range, told me how the Prophet Mohammed had invented black seed oil as some sort of cure all that helped with digestion last month when he was buying a load of 1000 balls.  i bought a $30 bottle of it after talking to him.  all it did was make me smell like a pot of homemade chili for a couple days.  i could smell the cumin coming out in my sweat.

[RealMe]

Ok, dear Survivors.  I'm here for an update.  I'm not involved with any of the above described, or any other, "cleanses" and have no opinion on them whatsoever. 

 

I've been doing ok behavior-wise.  Thursday I got my hair done.  That night my nephew, son-in-law and 2 granddaughters came for dinner, and it went well.  I made tacos--easy.  Friday night we met two old friends for steak dinner at a fancy restaurant even though I have a missing tooth.  I was able to eat on the other side and even talk and laugh without thinking about the big blank space where the eye tooth used to be.  It was nice to be able to forget about myself that much.  The friend is the one who kept asking me what was wrong while I was in heavy WD and acting weird a few months ago.  She didn't bring up the subject at all which was a relief because she had been rather relentless.   Nobody said anything about my tremors either.  So my husband and I had a nice time, and I did not obsess or fret about tinnitus for a couple of hours.

 

Yesterday, I took another granddaughter to her soccer game, and the weather was lovely.  Later that day, we went to church with two other granddaughters, my daughter and son-in-law.  My little granddaughter was doing a one-line reading.  She had told me all week that she was "nervous."  I worried about that because I didn't even know that word when I was in first grade; so I told her, "well, we have to be nervous when we perform.  Otherwise, we would fall asleep and not be able to read our line."  I wish someone had told me it was perfectly normal to be "nervous," even "extremely nervous."  Any kind of nervous is better than drugs in my corner of the world.  My mother used to say, "we get too soon old and too late smart."

 

Today, I succumbed again to hypersomnia.  I hope there will come a day soon when I will not stay in bed for 11 hours straight, then watch tv for the rest of the day.  However, with my previous days' successes, I will forgive myself for this lazy day in the hope that I will get stronger in this regard in the future.

 

Best of healing from ADs to my fellow survivors!

xo RM

 

 

 

[wantrelief]

What a wonderful update, RM.  You are doing great, getting out and about with your family and friends. It is understandable you would need a day to rest after all you have been doing. I loved your description of normalizing feeling nervous for your granddaughter - she is so lucky to have you!

[RealMe]

3 hours ago, wantrelief said:

It is understandable you would need a day to rest after all you have been doing.

Thanks, wantrelief!  I sure do appreciate the way you think!

xo RM

[RealMe]

Feeling rather normal today.  And very grateful.

[RealMe]

Ok, this has to be a window!  Yesterday I cleaned my refrigerator.  That may not seem significant to anyone else, but it was huge for me.  My husband said, "What are you doing?"  I said, "cleaning the refrigerator."  He said, "why?"  I said, "because it needs cleaning."  I was very casual about it, like it's something I normally do, but inside I was saying, "Yay.  I'm doing normal things.  My lethargy is lifting.  I'm going to be ok."  Funny, I don't need a trip or fancy vacay or lots of money.  I just want to feel ok.  I don't want to feel happy, just ok will be enough for me.

 

Last night I was back to waking up four times, and this morning I went back to bed after the granddaughters went to school (my husband drives them every day).  I still have morning brain fog, drowsiness and lethargy, but improvement noted.  Because I am better later in the day, I don't feel so guilty about my mornings.  I just hope my sleep and energy will "normalize" as I continue to taper.  I've read that sleep is disturbed on fluoxetine and that lethargy results.  Regarding the tinnitus, I think I am beginning to habituate because I have more periods of manageability where it's bad, but not godawful.  I have been trying meditation and watching my diet although I've heard that habituation can occur naturally regardless of what you do.  I know that salt spikes the volume for me; that has been proven.

 

Another thing I notice is that I am beginning to feel emotions.  I mean, you could hit me with a 2x4, and I would be aware that it hurt but not really feel it.  I could be sad or hurt, but I was numb.  Yesterday, we were talking about something sad and I cried.  Imagine that.  I don't think I cried for years.  Years ago, my mother died when I was on Tofranil (immipramine) which I started when she became ill.  I didn't shed a tear.  My sister, who is normally a very upbeat cheerleader type,! was crying like her heart would break.  I was like a stone.  Magic bullet, my a___!  I'm glad to be here on SA with you guys.

 

Love, hope and healing,

xo RM

 

 

[Rosetta]

I'm very pleased for you!  How wonderful to feel normal!!  -- Rosetta

[RealMe]

30 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

I'm very pleased for you!  How wonderful to feel normal!!  -- Rosetta

Thanks for stopping by, Rosetta.  I have to check your thread to see how you are doing!

RM

[RealMe]

I had said I can now feel emotions at times, both good and bad.  Shortly after I said that, I had an unpleasant encounter with one of my adult daughters where I reacted angrily to something she said.  Usually, I am extremely tolerant of my children and grandchildren, but I felt the sting of a nasty comment and lashed out.  I am not used to losing my temper or acting on my emotions, except with depression or extremely self-guided responses.  Now I am into worry and neuro-emotions.  I'm sure my daughter was surprised, but she is also on meds, so who knows.  She doesn't talk to me much unless she wants help with her three daughters, my granddaughters (not the ones I watch in the mornings).  I don't remember if I apologized for acting defensive.  I'm not even sure what I said.  All I remember is I raised my voice and had an angry tone in response to something she said.  I'm going to have to take out the puppies and kittens till I get over it.

[RealMe]

Emotional numbness is apparently lifting.  I'm not used to feeling emotions.  I had some crying jags during WD, but the lifting of emotional numbness is something different.  The feelings seem like they are too intense, but appropriate.  They match what is going on.  When I was in full on AD mode, I would make an intellectual observation of an emotion.  E.g., I'm feeling sad, happy, worried, and so on.  But I didn't really feel it.  So hard to explain, but I was really out of it on those meds.  I'm just hoping I can learn to handle these new full-on feelings.  I can't be lashing out at people because my feelings are hurt or crying in the diner because something made me sad.  I want to feel my emotions; I just don't want to be an emotional mess.

[wantrelief]

51 minutes ago, RealMe said:

Emotional numbness is apparently lifting.  I'm not used to feeling emotions.  I had some crying jags during WD, but the lifting of emotional numbness is something different.  The feelings seem like they are too intense, but appropriate.  They match what is going on.  When I was in full on AD mode, I would make an intellectual observation of an emotion.  E.g., I'm feeling sad, happy, worried, and so on.  But I didn't really feel it.  So hard to explain, but I was really out of it on those meds.  I'm just hoping I can learn to handle these new full-on feelings.  I can't be lashing out at people because my feelings are hurt or crying in the diner because something made me sad.  I want to feel my emotions; I just don't want to be an emotional mess.

Thanks for visiting my thread, RM.  It sounds like you are making such wonderful progress.  How amazing to experience emotional numbness lifting!  I never experienced emotional numbness with ADs but can imagine how good, but strange, it must be to feel all of these new feelings.  I have do doubt you'll be able to handle these new feelings, it will probably just take some time in getting used to it all but it will all balance out. I am so excited for you!!  Big hugs - WR

[Happy2Heal]

On 4/20/2018 at 6:43 PM, RealMe said:

I'm going to have to take out the puppies and kittens till I get over it.

what does this mean? take out the puppies and kittens...? 

 

aw, don't worry about  losing your temper, it happens to EVERYONE! it sounds like your daughter may have had it coming, if she only contacts you for help and doesn't bother with you at any other time. Of course we all feel bad when we "lose it" but we *all* lose it sometimes, just apologize and move on, right?

 

I am so glad to hear that your emotions are coming back. I remember when mine first started coming back, it was a bit overwhelming at first. I would be fine one moment and then the next, something would leave me choked up and near tears (or actually in tears) or I'd get so happy and excited, I'd get a bit loud and silly....

but this all evens out in time.

Don't be afraid of your feelings... they are what lets us know we are alive and that there are things in our lives we care about!

 

sounds like your tinnitus is improving too....? or do we just not talk about that and hope we can ignore it?
mine has been coming and going, and I'm trying to figure out what triggers it. I used to think that eating poorly was a factor, but now I think it's my anxiety over poor food choices that brings on the ringing in my ears. I have watched so many videos about how bad certain foods are for our health, that I think if I eat some of those, my anxiety goes up. Or maybe it's the combination of anxiety over bad food choices *and* the bad food, who knows?

sometimes I overthink things LOL

 

 

If I were you, I would not feel one bit guilty about any times when you are tired and don't do as much as you think you "should".  Your body is healing from a major chemical assault, as it were, and it needs rest!! you are actually doing what is good for you, at least in my humble opinion

 

plus, from my perspective of over a year of severe insomnia, I never feel guilty about sleeping or just resting and having a 'lazy' day. I feel like I've kind of earned it lol

 

I am so happy that you're seeing all these improvements. 

[RealMe]

2 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

what does this mean? take out the puppies and kittens...? 

Here is the reference to puppies and kittens by Altostrata.  It is part of the "change the channel" strategy of reducing neuro-emotions.

"Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms

Altostrata posted a topic in  Symptoms and self-care

...your choice: - Switch your thoughts topuppies  and kittens, or people you love. - Do slow, meditative deep breathing. - Play with your pets. - Cuddle your children, or significant other. - Phone a friend to say hello. - Take a walk in an interesting part of town, or in a park. - If you like cogniti...

[RealMe]

11 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

sounds like your tinnitus is improving too....? or do we just not talk about that and hope we can ignore it?
mine has been coming and going, and I'm trying to figure out what triggers it. I used to think that eating poorly was a factor, but now I think it's my anxiety over poor food choices that brings on the ringing in my ears. I have watched so many videos about how bad certain foods are for our health, that I think if I eat some of those, my anxiety goes up. Or maybe it's the combination of anxiety over bad food choices *and* the bad food, who knows?

sometimes I overthink things LOL

I think I am starting to habituate.  It is still terrible, but I'm not crying and having SI's the way I had been.  I pray it gets better, but the best advice I've read is to give it as little importance as possible.  I write down everything I eat and drink each day and note the degree of intrusion to see if I can find a pattern to improve upon.  Salt and tomato sauce are definitely on the intrusion list.  Other than that, I don't see any patterns related to food or even to stress.   Loud noise sets it off, so I wear ear plugs if it is too loud.  I stay away from my daughter's barking dog. I wear hearing aids occasionally.  The ENT said I have hearing loss in high frequencies and the aids would help.  I don't think they do, but they sure cost a lot of money.  I mention it to my husband when the noise gets really bad because I get short tempered and don't want to hurt him with my moods.  Other than that, I don't talk about it.  I had told a couple of people in the beginning, and the next time I saw them they said, "how's your tinnitus?"  Well, if I wasn't dwelling on it at that moment, that question would bring it to my attention with great force.  So I told them "it's better" so they have stopped asking me.  I went on a couple of FB sites, but most of them made me feel worse so I only look up success stories from time to time.  I scour SA for ideas as well.  The mornings are the hardest because I become immediately aware of it on awakening and have to try to accept it all over again.  I won't sugarcoat it; it is tough.  Sometimes I find I haven't noticed it for a little while, and I thank heaven that I must be on the road to habituation and that those short periods of not noticing will hopefully become more frequent.  That would be habituation, and that's what I hope for.  As much as I complain about hypersomnia, I am lucky that I am able to sleep even if I sleep way too much.

xo RM

[Kristine]

Hey RM, Just popping in to say Hi  you have made such an enormous amount of progress  So much has changed and evolved for you. I know there are still many difficulties and hurdles to overcome but truly you are an inspiration! Bravo. Much Love K xo 

[Downbutnotout]

22 hours ago, RealMe said:

Emotional numbness is apparently lifting.  I'm not used to feeling emotions.  I had some crying jags during WD, but the lifting of emotional numbness is something different.  The feelings seem like they are too intense, but appropriate.  They match what is going on.  When I was in full on AD mode, I would make an intellectual observation of an emotion.  E.g., I'm feeling sad, happy, worried, and so on.  But I didn't really feel it.  So hard to explain, but I was really out of it on those meds.  I'm just hoping I can learn to handle these new full-on feelings.  I can't be lashing out at people because my feelings are hurt or crying in the diner because something made me sad.  I want to feel my emotions; I just don't want to be an emotional mess.

I’m very happy for you. That’s wonderful. 

[RealMe]

30 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey RM, Just popping in to say Hi  you have made such an enormous amount of progress  So much has changed and evolved for you. I know there are still many difficulties and hurdles to overcome but truly you are an inspiration! Bravo. Much Love K xo 

Thank you so much, dear Kristine, for your kind words of encouragement.  I so appreciate you, you have no idea.  I don't always write, but I follow you all the time.

Today my husband said at first he was very worried about my "unorthodox" medicating, but now he is impressed that I have stuck to it and that  it seems to be working!  Well, I can't tell you what a lift that is.  I told him that I certainly had given the doctors a fair try (over 20 years of fiasco), and now I rely on this great group of survivors for help!  I remember your trying to explain the math to me, and I think of you every time I have to figure out my new dosage!

xo RM

[Kristine]

41 minutes ago, RealMe said:

Thank you so much, dear Kristine, for your kind words of encouragement.  I so appreciate you, you have no idea.  I don't always write, but I follow you all the time.

Today my husband said at first he was very worried about my "unorthodox" medicating, but now he is impressed that I have stuck to it and that  it seems to be working!  Well, I can't tell you what a lift that is.  I told him that I certainly had given the doctors a fair try (over 20 years of fiasco), and now I rely on this great group of survivors for help!  I remember your trying to explain the math to me, and I think of you every time I have to figure out my new dosage!

Oh Lordy RM!  I'm blushing  I'm still working of trying to accept compliments! Never been good at it. I'm so pleased to read that your husbands view has turned from 'worried' to 'impressed', same with my hubby. He was very concerned when I started to make my own Dex liquid for example! I think he said "is that a good idea?"....I'm also pleased the maths formula is still helpful...yippee  (((hugs))) K xo

[RealMe]

On 4/22/2018 at 10:41 PM, Downbutnotout said:

I’m very happy for you. That’s wonderful. 

Thank you, dear Downbutnotout.  I need to check your intro page to see how you are doing.

xoRM

 

[RealMe]

Past few days, sleeping about an hour less than usual.  Yay.  Hypersomnia is improving.  Bad tinnitus day, some anxiety & crying; so a good day must be just around the corner.  Nevertheless, I managed to do what I had to do to get through the day.  Tomorrow will be better.  Good healing, dear fellow survivors!

xo RM

[SkyBlue]

On 4/21/2018 at 10:49 PM, RealMe said:

When I was in full on AD mode, I would make an intellectual observation of an emotion.  E.g., I'm feeling sad, happy, worried, and so on.  But I didn't really feel it.  

 

Wow, I love this description, RealMe. I've had can relate totally. I would feel fake emotions (all negative), and often the emotions that make life worth living I experienced "intellectually." In healing from WD, the real emotions are coming back for me. This really resonates with me in a way I hadn't articulated before, so thank you for sharing this!

 

(And I also agree to try to be gentle with yourself as real emotions are coming back online as you heal. There is bound to be some ups and downs as the brain figures things out.)

[Fightingawar]

ChessieCat when you were diagnosed with serotonin syndrome were you able to take a small dose of antidepressant to help your withdrawals or you couldn’t take anything?

[RealMe]

Hypersomnia, but I did have a window in this symptom for a couple of days.

Tinnitus:  having periods where it is awful but not godawful, so that's improvement.  I tell myself, it's just a sound; it can't kill me; I'm going to habituate eventually.

Dystonia, tremors.  Used to be much worse.

Irritability.  This is something I am going to have to learn to tolerate.  Flying off the handle takes me totally by surprise when it happens. I really cannot remember being irritable while on ADs.  I never cried either.  That can't be normal (duh).

I exercised three times this week--took a 1.4 mile walk in the sun (slow but unbelievable stamina for me), twice on the treadmill for 20 minutes each time at the gym.

 

Thinking always of my new friends in SA and sending healing vibes!

xo RM

 

[Rosetta]

Progress!  That's wonderful.  The walking probably has something to do with it.

[Happy2Heal]

hi RM, so glad to see all these improvements! in time hopefully the tinnitus goes away too.

😉

oooh 20 mins on the treadmill, that's great! when I had a gym membership I would go and walk for 10 mins, then leave. I started feeling embarrassed about that so I stopped going LOL

 

oh the ups and downs of emotions! I've had a bit of that. The other day I ran into a problem returning something to the store, and was almost in tears. Then I got ticked off, and went and complained to someone else- which ended up resolving the issue, but I was embarrassed at being so emotional about it.

heh, well at least now I feel embarrassment and disappointment and aggravation, before I felt the same all the time. I would *think* my feelings, as I think you mentioned before...

 

so these are good things! I don't know about you but one of my reasons for getting off the AD was so that I'd feel things again and not be numb

 

well, ta da! I feel things again! now to learn to handle those feelings, hahaha

 

it's wonderful, though, isn't it?

 

 

[RealMe]

This windows and waves pattern would cream me if I didn't learn here that it's commonplace in withdrawal.  Almost every time I have a window, it's followed by a killer wave.  I could hardly stand it today.  I'm just being authentic here.  My head is screaming like a banshee.  I went to a lunch with friends who get together once a month.  I didn't want to go because of this tinnitus and dietary concerns, but I figured it would be good for me to fight my urge to isolate.  When I got there, it was so loud, but I couldn't escape so I toughed it out.  I spent the rest of the day trying to escape in the computer.  Anxiety, irritability, crying, dark thoughts.  What a day.  Glad it's almost over.  I'll be like Scarlet O'Hara, "after all, tomorrow is another day."

xo RM

[Happy2Heal]

well crap that sucks!!

fingers crossed for a better day tomorrow

 

 

[wantrelief]

I am so sorry you had a bad wave today, RM.  I am super impressed you still went to lunch with your friends fighting your urge to isolate.....that must have been difficult to get through but you did it!  I am glad your day is almost over too and hopefully tomorrow will be a better one for you.  

[Carmie]

33 minutes ago, RealMe said:

This windows and waves pattern would cream me if I didn't learn here that it's commonplace in withdrawal.  Almost every time I have a window, it's followed by a killer wave.  I could hardly stand it today.  I'm just being authentic here.  My head is screaming like a banshee.  I went to a lunch with friends who get together once a month.  I didn't want to go because of this tinnitus and dietary concerns, but I figured it would be good for me to fight my urge to isolate.  When I got there, it was so loud, but I couldn't escape so I toughed it out.  I spent the rest of the day trying to escape in the computer.  Anxiety, irritability, crying, dark thoughts.  What a day.  Glad it's almost over.  I'll be like Scarlet O'Hara, "after all, tomorrow is another day."

xo RM

Hi Realme, 

Im sorry you are having such a bad day. Yes, when withdrawals are bad it’s always a dilemma whether to socialise or not.

 

Ive socialised during waves and I’m barely there, it’s like going through the motions. I’m fortunate though that my friends are happy to have me there even if I’m not my usual chirpy self. 

 

Like you said it isn’t  good to isolate yourself, but at the same time we need to have quiet time to ourselves to allow our bodies to heal. I think it’s a balancing act.

 

Yep, when you have a little window and then a wave follows it’s nit much fun. I’m in a daily waves and windows situation so all you can do is take it a minute at a time. 

 

Glad you got some distraction with your computer, I’ve been watching DVDs. I’m watching Frasier at the moment and ordered more of the series. I’ve got so many DVDs and I keep adding to them. Distraction, distraction, distraction!!

 

Im sorry you’re in such distress at the moment, sending you big hugs xxx

 

 

[RealMe]

Today I got up to get my granddaughters ready for school, then went back to sleep till almost noon.  The rest of the day was better, not a window but not as bad as yesterday.  Thank you all for the support.  It's good not to be alone in this.