Johawaii: citalopram changed my personality in 8 days will I recover

[Johawaii]

I had been suffering from insomnia for 6 months and went to the Drs who decided that it was depression rather than just insomnia. In my niavity I took the 10mgs for 8 days. Within those eight days, I completely changed. I stopped sleeping, I couldn't eat and had crazed anxiety I wanted to crawl out of my skin. Plus all these thoughts entered my head that were never there before. I lost all comfort in my own company, which had never been a problem I had spent 9months on my own. Over the last 3 months it has got progressively worse, to the point of feeling suicidal. How can a drug have such an effect and has anyone been able to come out of the otherside? I have now been prescribed trazodone but don't really want to take it, but am scared I have run out of options.  

[ChessieCat]

Hi Johawaii and welcome to SA,

 

It's sounds like you had a bad reaction to whatever drug you were prescribed.  You don't mention the name of the drug.

 

Because you have already experienced a bad reaction to one psychiatric drug there is a possibility that you may experience a bad reaction to other psychiatric drugs.  Taking trazodone, or anything else, might make things worse.

 

It is usually better not to take anything and give your brain time and the necessary environment (calm and stability) for it to heal.

 

We encourage members to learn and use Non-drug techniques to cope

 

Q:  Have you ever taken a psychiatric drug before?

 

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• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
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This is your own Introduction topic where you can ask questions and journal your progress.

[Ali4]

Welcome to S.A. 

 

I am on celexa and know how you feel, if you ever need to talk or need support I'm here for you. Ali 

[Johawaii]

Ali, have you seen any improvement? 

[Johawaii]

Thank you Ali, it's desperate times. I have ended up in a pysch ward. How can these tablets do such horrendous things 

[Ali4]

13 hours ago, Johawaii said:

Ali, have you seen any improvement? 

Fully stable. 

[Johawaii]

Hi Ali, I have felt like I have lost myself, in terms of it has really affected my personality. Have you stopped the drug and how long did it take for you to feel yourself again? Did you do anything else to feel better? 

[Krasiyan]

Come on man you can't lose yourself in just 8 days of taking an antidepressant, even if you did have a bad reaction to it. There's a ton of people on benzos, and what not for 10, 20 years that still manage to recover. You'll feel fine just relax and don't overthink it. Stop me if I'm wrong but if you are new to this it's no surprise that you come to such extreme conclusions. It's like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, and entering another world.

[Pepita]

it's going to be alright! You are going to recover from this! The reaction to antidepressants, or to withdrawing from them, can indeen give us the impression thst we lost our personality. We feel and react completely different than we are used to. But there is no way around, you just have to stay as calm as possible - and get through it. It will pass! 

[Johawaii]

Honestly, I am not joking. It's like it totally affected my personality I have never been suicidal or had any mental health issues before. I was happy with my home, husband etc. I have found a few other people who have had such extreme reactions. I just wanted to find some hope that someone else has recovered from this. 

[Ali4]

2 hours ago, Johawaii said:

Honestly, I am not joking. It's like it totally affected my personality I have never been suicidal or had any mental health issues before. I was happy with my home, husband etc. I have found a few other people who have had such extreme reactions. I just wanted to find some hope that someone else has recovered from this. 

I recovered, but I reinstated the drug and felt better immediately, but that's Me, I've been on celexa over 10 years. I'm still on my full dose and will do a slow slow taper. I'm sorry it has caused you issues only being on it a short time, but it does happen to some people. You have had an adverse reaction and it may take a while before you feel better. But you will get better, what symptoms are you currently having? Are you on any drugs at all? Ali 

[Ali4]

18 hours ago, Johawaii said:

Thank you Ali, it's desperate times. I have ended up in a pysch ward. How can these tablets do such horrendous things 

Been on the phych ward myself.

[Ali4]

3 hours ago, Krasiyan said:

Come on man you can't lose yourself in just 8 days of taking an antidepressant, even if you did have a bad reaction to it. There's a ton of people on benzos, and what not for 10, 20 years that still manage to recover. You'll feel fine just relax and don't overthink it. Stop me if I'm wrong but if you are new to this it's no surprise that you come to such extreme conclusions. It's like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, and entering another world.

We are all here to support each other, not make her feel worse.

[virgo43]

Dear Krasiyan. Please understand that even with one pill these toxins can cause serious problems. I was almost like electrocuted within 12 hrs of taking it. My ignorant dr told me to continue. There are many other members. One pill or a daily pill for a few years. Damage can be done instantly or it can take time. Some take it for a year and quit in a few weeks and some it takes years to taper off.

Please read the links provided by the amazing moderators. Especially about brain remodeling. 

[Johawaii]

Virgo43 - thank you for your words and your belief. I am so exhausted by people not believing the effect these tablets have. I will look up the links on brain remodelling. 

[Ali4]

1 hour ago, Johawaii said:

Virgo43 - thank you for your words and your belief. I am so exhausted by people not believing the effect these tablets have. I will look up the links on brain remodelling. 

Some people just don’t understand 😔 but I believe you, celexa is a tough one, hang in there and read up on some self care, before you know you will feel better, just got to remain as positive as you can. Ali 

[Krasiyan]

Sorry if that came out rude or something, that wasn't my intention at all.

 

[Gridley]

Johawaii,

 

I know it is scary.  We are here for you.

 

We can better help you if you complete a signature according to the instructions in ChessieCat's earlier post and also answer her questions.  The information i this link can also be very helpful:

On 11/5/2017 at 4:54 PM, ChessieCat said:

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

 

[Johawaii]

Thank god for this site. I am been sick of been told I have depression, by every psychiatrist and friends when it was just a drug. So many people have suffered, so unnecessarily. 

[Lindsay625]

Hey Johawaii, i have just recently gone through the same thing! I took one dose of 50 mg Zoloft and the next morning i woke up with racing heart, sweating and completely restless, honestly believed I️ was losing my mind. Nobody could calm me down and I paced around for hours just feeling like i literally wanted to get away from myself if that makes sense to you. I felt like I’d lost control of myself and was not safe in my own body. This went on strongly for 3 days, i am a 21 year old female with two children and my mother had to take us all to work with her because i was not functional that whole week. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since i took that poison and I’m still not totally myself yet but i am getting there. You and i both experienced adverse effects to anti depressants. My doctor didn’t believe me either at first but then recalled that some people lack the ability to break down medication properly and thinks this may be the case with me. I can’t remember exactly what he was talking about but I’ll look into it when I get home. 

[Lindsay625]

Ever since i have been experiencing intrusive thoughts which have been the worst symptom for me. They terrify me but in the last few days have died down a lot thankfully. 

[Lindsay625]

I was not this way before the medication, i only took the zoloft because i was having very very mild anxiety because my children were sick with Croup and i thought it would calm me down to take it. BIG MISTAKE lol i was not a depressed nor did i have any other mental health problems before this. 

[Johawaii]

Wow lindsay625, I cant believe that we are treated like guinea pigs. Hope you are feeling better, I am still looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. 

[Lindsay625]

Johawaii, yes we have been treated like guinea pigs! If only these doctors knew the lives they are RUINING with these medications. Not only does it effect those of us who took the medication but our spouses, our children, and our families having to watch us go through this! I used to be annoyed by people and their conspiracy theories about the pharmaceutical industry but now i regret never listening to them. 

On another note i have been experiencing a lot of windows since i have cut out sugar and carbs from my diet. I’ve discovered i react badly with any sugar, even the natural sugars in fruits. Look into the keto diet if you’d like i feel as though this has helped me tremendously. 

[Lindsay625]

And there is without a doubt light at the end of the tunnel. We all will recover whether you feel like it or not! I’ve read many places where people recovering from years and years of drug abuse and alcohol abuse and people who’ve had strokes make full recoveries because the brain has a tremendous and surprising ability to heal itself, adapt and recover from damage. We are going to be okay it will just take time and care.

[Johawaii]

Lindsay, thank you for your support and your positive thoughts. How do you manage the intrusive thoughts? 

[Lindsay625]

I try not to fight them. When they come i process it and then think about how irrational it is and remind myself there is no meaning to it. If it causes an anxiety spike i try to just embrace it which makes it go away. It’s easier said than done, when I was reading about reacting this way i rolled my eyes at the thought of it. But now that I’ve been actually applying this, it has been helping a lot!

[Hopefull]

Hi Jihawaii,

There is light at the end of the tunnel. 

Ignore people that don't believe you.

Take each day as it comes and believe that healing is taking place every day. 

I understand what you mean,  by feeling like you lost your self, because you literally do.

Your self does come back,  but it does take time for some people. 

Take care,  Hopefull.

 

[Farout]

On 08/11/2017 at 5:11 AM, Johawaii said:

Virgo43 - thank you for your words and your belief. I am so exhausted by people not believing the effect these tablets have. I will look up the links on brain remodelling. 

 

I believe you.  This has happened to me.  It takes a while but you do get back to yourself.  It can be quite a journey; full of doubt, strange sensations and all sorts of emotional fallout but you will recover. 

[Johawaii]

Hi Farout, how long did it take you? I was on the drugs for a week! I can’t understand how it can have such and adverse effect. Jo 

[Farout]

It took a while. I’m probably about 99% recovered now but I still have the odd residual symptom.  Throughout my recovery I’ve had lengthy windows of feeling fine.  It can be a long and frustrating process but nothing like the early days, where it was really oppressive and all consuming.  I took the ADs for less than 3 days.

 

I’m not sure if swapping between ADs will be doing you any favours but I completely understand the desire to try anything which might alleviate the symptoms of the acute phase following an adverse reaction.  It might be worth getting some advice from a mod about safely tapering off everything and see where you are from then.

[Johawaii]

Hi Farout, it was just for insomnia and so I will never take another ad again in my life. I have just had my first three days of sleeping normally and dreaming without any medication so I hope that is a sign of things improving. It was the personality change that has been the hardest I was such a happy person before I miss my old self. I hope it comes back soon. 

[brassmonkey]

Hi Jo-- I'm taking the liberty of reposting my response to your PM here so you will have a record of it.  Also there are other members and lurkers that are in the same situation and it would be good for them to see the information.

 

Hi Jo--  I'm so sorry that you've been put in this position.  I really hate seeing new members who have only take a few pills and end up having such rough time of it. It's very frustrating, but there isn't much that can be done except wait it out. The good news is that you will recover.  Over the years we have had a number of members in your situation and they all have or are recovering nicely. Theelt712 had a very rough time of it in the beginning.  However, she managed to graduate high school with honors and should be completing college any time now and is quite the poet from what I hear. Others have completed degrees, started families, gone on to med school.

 

Getting through the first several months is the roughest, then the improvement start to  show up. The really unfair/frustrating  thing is that it's going to take a long time.  For many of those members it wasn't until about the 18 month mark that they see a really big improvement. (I really hate saying that).  There is a lot of information on the site for methods and techniques to help ease the time. The big thing is to roll with the ups and downs, don't panic if weird things happen and try to continue on with your life as best as possible.

 

I'm going to repost this on your intro thread so you will have a copy that is easier to find.

 

I hope this was helpful.

Brassmonkey

[Lindsay625]

For anyone who comes across Johawaii's story, I just wanted to update since she no longer comes on here, she is doing AMAZING. Truly one of the strongest people I know. A huge beacon of hope to others who find themselves in this situation. There is hope for healing, it takes work though. 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Lindsay, thank you for letting us know.

 

It would be really great if Johawaii could post herself and tell us in more detail about her recovery.

[Altostrata]

On 8/21/2019 at 11:27 AM, Johawaii said:

Well, I made it. I bear the scars both emotionally and physically. The only way I can describe it is I crawled through hell. I had a gene test which showed I  was missing a crucial gene and several key enzymes so effectively I was a genetic mutant and could never process the medication, an insight that was too late after its path of destruction. In the process of recovery I lost everything; my husband of 24 years, my home, family and friends. Most importantly myself, my sanity and hope. It was two years on 9 August that the my life changed forever. During all this, I also broke my back and ankle, nearly died several times and well I guess as they say you never know how strong you are until there is no other choice. But I can now honestly offer hope. Those that first commented on my post, the first signs of recover were 18 months in. I think in summary it takes that long for neurotransmitter to start reforming. The insomnia that tortured me for two years, I would go days without sleep, and be plagued by intrusive thoughts, finally stopped. I was able to sleep for a couple of hours which has now come back to 8 hours. I walked away from my old life. I have moved town to be by the sea, something that was personally healing for me. I worked on the premises of Neuroplasticity, I worked on re-wiring my Brian happy. I couldn’t undo the trauma, the intrusive thoughts, so I had to learn to make peace, live with a chattering  mind that I had never had in my life. I started small; volunteering, exercise, yoga, waking by the beach, anything to distract myself from my mind. I made in-roads at building a network of new people, through, church etc. It paid off. It would be for snippets but I would have moments of peace again, those moments finally started to become joy again. I started to have feelings again that we’re mine, I started to be me again.  I am now working back as a digital manager, back what I used to do, I run, bike, paddleboard, yoga, swim in the ocean, which is a miracle inself as I was nearly paralysed breaking your back, and have metal rods holding my spine together now. I was a marathon/long distance cyclist before all of this. I cherish the moments where I forget about the hell that was my life. I never thought I would ever make it through the otherside; I have overcome, suicide, intrusive thoughts, a broken back, ankle, blood poisoning, loss of my husband, family and friends. But  i always say, maybe this awful tragedy, of losing everything, was so I could find everything, me.  I know I will never be the same person, but I am determined to make the most of who I am now and the life I have been given back. Sadly there was no therapy, words, treatment that could have helped on this earth. I was driven beyond despair. I can only think it’s a survived. I look at people with normal illnesses, the cancers etc where everyone understands. But for us, who experience something so awful which is blamed on everything else, other than the sheer fact we were poisoned. If I was allergic to a peanut it would have all been fine however, I just was poisoned going to my gp. I have done so much research and finally people are getting heard about the hell ssri’s Cause, destroying completely normal people’s life. I hope one day the tablets are banned and people realise that there are much safer ways to deal with the common ailments called life. For everyone still walking through hell, hold on. Please find the most simplest forms of distraction and hold on to them. The tiny shards, of light in the darkness will become daylight again. The brightest stars shine in the darkest night. I tend to keep away from all the forums, it was part of my healing. Sadly I wasn’t strong enough to help others at the time, it was taking all my energy to simple survive. Someone recently said to me heal your soul, and your mind and body will follow. It did!

 

@Johawaii, how are you doing?