Waterfall: introduction

[Rabe]

Hope tonight was better, Waterfall!  

[DMV64]

Hey Waterfall! How are you today? Just wanted to stop by and check in on you!

-D

[Waterfall]

Thanks guy, as always, for the encouragement. 

It meant a lot to me yesterday afternoon.  

Helped me to get through, because it was pretty rough. 

I was shaking so bad in the afternoon/evening. 

Starting around 6:00ish. 

 

This morning I'm feeling a bit better. 

I'm less shaky.  And less sore than I've been. 

But my eyes, lips, and mouth are SO dry. 

And no amount of drinking seems to help.  

 

I've also had more... brain zaps?  

Not sure if that's what they are, 

but it's something in my head, 

and it's not pleasant.  

Both last night, and this morning, it seems. 

 

I wonder what the rest of today will bring. 

I sure hope my lips and eyes feel better soon. 

 

Here's hoping you all have a better day today!!

[Rosetta]

Thinking of you! - R

[Waterfall]

Posted 2 hours ago

Hooo boy.  Feeling awful now. 

Forced myself through a shower. 

Shaking sooo bad.

[Waterfall]

Crap, just realized that I forgot to take my pill this morning. 

While I don't think that's the reason for why I'm feeling this awful, 

I certainly don't think that it will help. 

 

Also just discovered that my last post I made on my benzo thread by mistake. 

Still super shaky since then. 

Can't even make it upstairs to wish my Dad a Happy Father's Day.  

Nevermind making it to my big dude's play at the school tomorrow. 

Or my skinny dude's kindergarten not-grad on Tuesday.  

 

Do I really have to feel worse?  

Will this -ever- make a turn for the better?  

 

Thanks for continuing to care about and encourage me, everyone.  

I hope your day is better than mine!

[mirage]

Hi everyone. Joining in the conversation. This is a tough place to be for all of us and to lean on friends in this forum is very helpful. 

 

I've been on this journey for a little over a year. Quit Wellbutrin 300xl ct, May of 2017 but had no withdrawal symptoms until June 2017. I was on it for 8 years. Was never told I needed to wean. 

 

I have some trouble recognizing windows since I have never been symptom free. I guess a window is when you feel a bit better? Some symptoms stay, all of the time and I noticed, periodically, a new symptoms arises and sometimes it stays for a while and some come and go rather quickly. 

 

I do manage to get through every day with some normalcy. Praying that I start to get windows where I feel normal again. 

 

Holding all of you in my prayers. 

 

 

[Waterfall]

A few more waves of tingles.

Usually I find if it's a whole wave of tingling, then it's most often caused 

either by anxiety, or by a particular type of music or story, usually a climactic piece. 

Today I had a least one wave that seemed to come completely out of nowhere!

New fun!  😜

  

I forgot to share how excited I was to go #2 again mid way through this morning!

Not that maybe you want to know that, but I find it important to record. 

Especially since, in at least some ways, it is encouraging to me. 

My... I got distracted here, and now I have no idea, my, what?  

Heh.  For some reason, after being bothered that I didn't know why I put 'my' there, 

I find this kind of funny.  Funny is good.  

 

Phooey.  There was some other idea... 

Oh, I remember!  Or, maybe I don't. But I have another idea,so it will do!

Not that it's as monumental as all that.  

It's just some more thoughts, really. 

 

One is this annoying eye tick.  Oy, is it worse than ever!  Hope that one goes away soon. 

Also, thought I'd gotten rid of the cold/hot temperature symptoms, 

but last night, I had a terrible time with heat waves.  

This morning, I had a nasty bought of shivering, amidst the shakes. 

Oh, I felt so cold.  Considering it's 23 degree Celsius in here, that's kinda silly. 

 

And I still wish this horrible 'dry' feeling would go away.  

After I drank more than 28 oz of water already, it seems a tiny bit better, 

but I still feel more like I've been in the desert, than that I'm in an air conditioned house, 

guzzling water like it's going out of style!

 

Hi, @mirage  

Thank you for stopping by.  

I find it interesting that you went so long before your withdrawal symptoms emerged. 

Wellbutrin was also my first drug, and it was a mystery to me why it took so long 

after I stopped taking it for things to happen.  Of course, back then I didn't know it 

was withdrawal.  Just knowing that, helps so much.  I also wonder if the three kids

I had in those years made a difference to how my WD impacted me.  But knowing

that yours took a while as well, if not so long as mine, makes it easier to accept that

really this IS what happened to me. Do you have an intro thread as well?  I'll have to

go and have a look.  

 

Oh boy.  Now my hands are sweating again.  

Sigh.  

I wish all these symptoms would just give it a rest already.  

 

I will be thinking of you too, mirage.  

I hope that you get to see more windows!

 

@Rabe @Rosetta @DaveB @Carmie 

I'm thinking of you all today.  

I haven't made out to as many threads as I would like to lately. 

So I wanted you to know I haven't forgotten you.  

I know some of you are having a really hard time. 

Some of you might be having a more regular hard time.  

But I'm thinking of you all, and I hope for every one 

of you, that you are having a better day today!

If not, then maybe a better hour.  

And if not, then I hope one is coming soon!

[Waterfall]

Oh more fun.  Whee.  

Newest thing?  

Suddenly having to go pee.  Now.  

Like.  NOW.  

Bladder spasms.  

Not fun.  

Really.  

 

Just scarfed down my bowl of soup for lunch

(almost typed soap! Yikes! That would make a horrible lunch!)

because I had to run to the bathroom to pee urgently!

 

Back in my chair now, and shaking again. 

And suddenly very nauseated.  

Haven't been nauseated much lately, so this is a surprise. 

Grabbed a bucket, just in case.  

Oh blech. 

 

Do I ever get to catch a break?  

Like, really. 

If it weren't so awful, this would be hilarious.  

Almost like a comedy of errors.  

Almost.  

[mirage]

Hi Waterfall. From what I understand with Wellbutrin, it has a longer half life so that is why I didn't get symptoms until a month after I quit taking it. My worst symptom is dizziness and anxiety. If this dizziness would go away, I could get along so much better. 

 

I am still waking with the 4am cortisol spikes but, most days, I can, slightly doze, for a couple more hours. Even though I'm can't actually fall back asleep, I do try and rest until 6:30/7am. I'm looking forward to the day I can sleep so well that I have to set my alarm. Remember those days?

 

 

[Waterfall]

22 minutes ago, mirage said:

a month after I quit taking it.

 

Heh.  Well, that just goes to show how well my brain is working. 

When I read your first post, I thought it was May 2016 to June 2017.  

So, in other words, over a year.  Ooops. 

 

I can totally sympathize with the dizziness and the early morning spikes. 

I also try to lay in bed, quietly if that's all I can manage, doze if I'm lucky. 

To sleep every morning until the alarm goes off. That truly would be nice.  

Thankfully, for me, I don't usually wake up as early as 4:00 anymore. 

But I do remember a time that I did.  I hope this improves for you too. 

 

And oh, to be able to walk, firmly, strongly, without dizziness.  

Dizziness is an awful symptom, isn't it?  

And even, to deal with all our symptoms, if only without the anxiety, 

would be so much easier, too, wouldn't it?  

 

Oh, that we would all see relief from these frustrating symptoms. 

I'm so glad that you've been able to keep some normalcy through it all. 

I was doing decently enough, managing my essential tasks, until a 

little while ago.  I can't wait until I can return to doing more things. 

 

[Rosetta]

Waterfall,

 

You will be back to functional soon.  There are stages of this awfulness and you will get through this one!

 

A big hug, Rosetta

[Waterfall]

1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

Waterfall,

 

You will be back to functional soon.  There are stages of this awfulness and you will get through this one!

 

A big hug, Rosetta

 

Thanks for the reminders, Rosetta.

Your encouragement helps me keep going.

[Rabe]

Thanks for your thoughts Waterfall....many of your symptoms are familiar to me...I hope they get better soon!!!  Thinking about you!!! 💜

[mirage]

Hi Waterfall. My early morning cortisol spikes had gotten better until I had to have an oral surgery early May. The anesthetic and the, trauma from the surgery caused the cortisol to surge again and no I'm back to the 4am wake up calls. I'm ready for those to go away again! 

 

I am better than I was at this time last year. I think we are all ready to be back to our normal, full living selves. We have to keep pushing through one day at a time. 

[Carmie]

Hey Waterfall, 

 

Sorry to see you’re struggling so much. Yes, dizziness is not much fun. I’m always dizzy because of low blood pressure. It’s not unusual for it to be 80/60. I have to sit down all the time, can’t stand too long in one spot.

 

We have millions of symptoms. When you were mentioning your having to pee situation and grabbing the bucket for nausea etc etc, you were right in saying if this wasn’t so awful it would be a comedy of errors.

 

Our lives are really weird right now, they’re all over the place. Speaking of comedy of errors, I saw the most hilarious play at the theatre one day. It was called The Play That Goes Wrong. My jaw was sore from laughing, it was just so hilarious!!! Don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so funny. If it ever comes back I’m going again. It was definitely standing ovation material. A friend of mine saw it twice.

 

I needed a laugh that night, my mouth had been burning for weeks and I was worried it was going to be permanent as some people have had it for years. I didn’t realize until a lot later that it was from withdrawals. I was in tears a lot and I just kept thinking, oh no, not another health problem, as I’m already chronically ill. Now, I realize that everytime I get new symptoms it’s probably withdrawals. They come and go, earaches, tooth pain, sore jaw etc. I don’t panic anymore, I just go with the flow, watch them come and go and ride them out without stressing. 

 

I get a lot of the symptoms you get too, tingling and being cold and then hot etc etc. The list really does go on and on, doesn’t it? Even in windows you can’t 100 percent get rid of symptoms. Only once we are fully recovered will they go away completely. While on the meds, the meds themselves can cause us symptoms, even without the withdrawals.

 

We will get there one day

 

Sending hugs your way Waterfall🤗

 

 

 

 

 

[Waterfall]

Thanks, @Rabe, @mirage, and @Carmie for stopping by and offering your encouragement. 

 

This morning I didn't feel too badly, other than a bad headache.  

I walked around my house for a bit, did a bit of tidying.  

Managed to sit in my chair and fold one load of laundry, 

before my arms were too sore to continue.  

Sadly, I still have 4 loads left. 

Sigh. 

I did take a nap again this morning for a while. Dozing on and off, at least. 

And I did manage this afternoon to play with my son for a while. 

We sat on the floor and played with his trains, until I couldn't handle it anymore. 

Then I sat in my chair and we pretended he had the sneezes. 

And then he sat with me and we sang a silly song. 

 

Just a bit ago, my Dad needed help for a minute, and I got up and helped. 

My knees were shaking badly, and now I am shaking badly. 

Hoping this will pass again soon. 

My headache, interestingly, is a bit better, but my shoulders hurt a lot right now. 

 

Spent some time reading mirage's thread.  Mirage, you are one tough lady!

I had to smile when I saw the word 'Hellbutrin' on your page.  

While my worst symptoms are now, I think my journey began with 'Hellbutrin'. 

 

I also read musk's thread, and some of the replies she received also gave me encouragement. 

 

I sometimes worry that, unlike some, I have not undergone very many tests recently. 

But I have to remind myself, that I -did- do a basic blood panel a few weeks ago. 

I have seen my doctor every month for more than a year.  

And before that, in my life, I have also had an MRI, a CT scan, ultrasounds, etc. 

So.  It's just withdrawal.  

It's just withdrawal. 

If I keep saying it enough, maybe I'll stop having trouble believing it. 

For now, I'll use @Rosetta's confidence.  

She seems SO sure, how could she be wrong?  

So, I'll just borrow her certainty, until I can build my own.  

 

Aw.  I thought my headache had improved. 

And it probably had. 

But now it's back.  

I wish I didn't find it so hard to keep track, 

so that maybe I could see more clearly some progress. 

It's hardest, when I feel like all I do is get worse.  

 

It does not help when people around me keep just expecting I can do more. 

They have no idea how hard it is to do the little that I do. 

 

Thankfully, my lips feel a little less dry today.  

I feel a little less like I need to drink an ocean to survive. 

Although my lips feel more tingly today. 

And if I rub my leg or something, I can feel where I touched 

for long after I last touched it.  

And oh, the pain in my head. And my shoulders. And my back. 

So frustrating.  

[Waterfall]

Oh blech. 

It's frustrating how easy it is to come across 'scary' stuff, in the dumbest places. 

Was just reading some stuff on FB.  Usually ends up being stuff about people's kids. 

Things people buy, or things people want to sell.  Sunsets.  Sunrises.  

Beautiful views.  

Or soap boxes that people stand on.  

Well, this time, it was someone saying we need more mental health services. 

Someone followed that up with, yeah, we need more health services period. 

And... he had to add a story. 

About someone who got sick. 

Innocuous symptom. 

Turns out to be serious. 

Good thing he gets good health care. 

Survives.  Phew. 

Buuut... then I sit here worrying that, well, with all these symptoms, 

who says I don't have something scary like that?  

Sure, it is probably withdrawal.

But what if it's not? 

What if I'm missing something important!

You know.  

I'm sure the whole story isn't there.  

I'm sure that there was more to the story, 

than just that one symptom.  

I've been seeing my doctor.  

Since this started, years ago already, 

every doctor I have seen, 

each time I was in the ER, 

or saw a traditional doctor, 

or a psychologist, 

or a naturopath, 

they all said, there's nothing wrong with you. 

Other than mental health problems. 

Maybe I need to eat better.  Or cut out dairy, or gluten. 

Take some supplements.  

But not one of them every suggested that I am dying of anything. 

So. 

I'm not. 

That's that.  

This is me talking myself through this fear.  

Am I learning anything?  

I sure hope so. 

I'm tired of being scared.

I'm tired of feeling sick. 

But I'd rather be either sick, or scared, but please, not both.  😜

So, hey... how about neither? 

Who votes for neither?  

Yeah. 

I like the sound of that.  

[mirage]

Hi Waterfall. I'm really excited for you that you were able to do a few things. Try not to look at what didn't get done and see what you were able to do. I'm finding that recovery with this is baby steps and I mean...baby steps. It is unlike any type of illness or injury. It is one step forward and then 5 back. I'm starting to see, one step forward and 4 back. (that is better than 5 back)! You are on your way forward. You made one step forward by being able to get a couple of things done. 

 

I have had every tests ran, and I saw numerous specialists and the only thing that was found was, high cortisol and my endocrine system was off. Both, happen to the body during withdrawal. Drs. could not find one thing wrong. According to several, I am perfectly healthy. Tell that to my body! While I am not a doctor, I'm thinking you are having withdrawal and not a medical complications. 

 

I have an affirmation card that is taped on my computer and it says, "HEALING" every atom of my being is invigorating with healing life. 

 

Stay strong. Don't let your brain fool you and take it one day at a time.

 

[Rosetta]

Yes, Waterfall, we all can heal.  Keep tallying those small, tiny or not so tiny victories.  Keep sitting in your cushy rocking chair and keep folding that laundry.  I'm so glad your parents are there and help you so much.  Your time with that little one is wonderful for both of you.  Great job getting through today!!

[Rabe]

Hugs for you Waterfall!!! Let the strength of the rocking and rolling of you and your chair push back those waves!!! 💜

[Rabe]

Yesterday I pushed and had a lovely afternoon with family...today exercised and all and have a horrendous HA...fast waves!!!

 

[Waterfall]

@mirage @Rosetta @Rabe

Aw, you guys are so encouraging.  

I can't express my thanks enough. 

 

My Mom has always said, 

For every up, there is a down, 

and for every down, there is an up. 

 

Well, after shaking badly earlier, 

and being unable to join my family for supper

(which I wasn't able to do yesterday either)

I felt good enough to finish folding my laundry!

So, that was the up that followed the down. 

I directed my kids to put their clothes away. 

And we watched an episode of our current 

favourite kids show.  

And then, I got up to go to the bathroom. 

Oy. 

The down, that followed the up. 

It's a short walk to the bathroom, 

maybe 10 steps from here to the door? 12? 

But I felt so awful.  

So unstable.

But somehow I did manage.  

I went to the bathroom.  

Helped my son find his book. 

Helped tuck my daughter in. 

And collapsed back into my chair. 

I'm short of breath. 

My ribs hurt badly. 

I hate it when I can't even find a 

way to describe what 'awful' felt like. 

It just felt like it was a really bad idea to 

stay on my feet.  I can't even explain why. 

 

Well.  

Just another bump on the road. 

Another baby step on the way back up.  

Maybe I slid back down another 5 steps. 

Maybe tomorrow, I'll be lucky enough 

to slide back only 4.  Right, mirage? 

 

Today was my son's play that I missed. 

But my husband was able to go!

Tomorrow is my other sons' kindergarten 'grad' that I'll miss. 

But hopefully my Mom, his Grandma, will go.  

 

There's so much I can't do. 

I couldn't walk around much today. 

But I did fold my laundry!

I've been trying to do -that-, since Friday!

 

Baby steps. 

Little blessings.  

Who was it that had that on their thread? 

Maybe it was something JanCarol wrote on musk's thread. 

About collecting the little beads.  One by one. 

Until they make a long chain. 

I'm half tempted to actually get a string, 

and put a bead on it, every time I think of a blessing, 

no matter how small. 

If only I had the energy.  😜

 

I had another cool thought I was going to share today. 

But I forgot it.  

Maybe I'll remember tomorrow. 

 

I'll probably get discouraged again tomorrow. 

But hopefully I'll remember how to feel encouraged again too. 

I'll try remember what I've learned.  I'll try to remember, or reread all your encouragements. 

I don't always need to go read others threads, I should spend more time rereading mine. 

And if I'm really lucky, maybe I'll feel just a little bit better tomorrow. 

Or the day after.  

 

Towards those better days!

[Rabe]

Hi Waterfall...I'm sitting in my rocker a lot today...it does help!!!

 

I missed my youngest's wedding in September...I feel for your missing moments in your children's lives...but there will be many more that you will feel not only feel well enough to go to but will also be able to REAlly enjoy cause you feel so darn good!

 

Thinking bout you LOTS!!!  💜

 

 

[Waterfall]

I still feel discouraged, by how rough a feel.  

But... 

But... maybe a baby step?  

I"m sad about missing my son's kindergarten 'grad' tomorrow. 

And I actually cried. 

Big tears, streaming down my face. 

 

And I thought.. huh... I'm crying.  When I'm actually sad. 

Not just because I've reaching the point of deep despair. 

Again. 

But because my son is having an event tomorrow. 

And I can't be there. 

And his Dad can't be there. 

And that's sad.  

 

I remember a time when @Rosetta posted something similar. 

About feeling sad, when there was actually a reason to be sad. 

And being glad, that at least they matched.  They made sense. 

Instead of feeling nothing.  Or anxiety, or sadness, when there

is nothing typical to be sad about.  

So, I'm glad, though my tears, that I'm sad.  And I'm crying.  

 

I just wish, so bad, that I could go.  

I feel your pain, @Rabe that you missed your... son, right? 

That you missed his wedding.  That must hurt.  

I can only imagine.  

 

Heh.  And then my husband is like, well, are you sure you can't go? 

Well... you think if I wasn't sure, that I would be crying about it? 

You think if there was a chance I could go, that I wouldn't try?  

 

Nah... I just decided I didn't FEEL like going.  

Clearly doesn't matter to me at all!  *Sniffle*

Pfffft.  

Can you say 'sarcasm"?  

I didn't answer him that way, of course.  

But I did say something more like, 

you think if I could go, that I wouldn't?  

My Dad asked something similar.  

'You can't go?  Why not?'

Um.  I just can't.  

I can barely stand.  

Or walk around the house. 

I can't drive 20 minutes, 

stand around for an hour. 

Talk to people. 

Hobnob. 

Make sense.  

And then drive home again. 

And, just saying I could drive there. 

What do I do if I can't drive home? 

Because I feel to sick?!

Or if I'm standing there, 

and I get really dizzy?  Or sick?  

Or unsteady, and I can't hack it anymore? 

I'm supposed to have a melt-down in front of all the parents? 

Like that would be a good idea... 

 

Sigh. 

Life.  

 

But hey.  

Silver lining.  

I cried. 

And it made sense. 

 

Okay, that was funny.  

I was trying to type 'Hopefully' 

and I kept typing 'Nopefully'

Nice. 

That's, just.. kinda funny.  

Anyway, hopefully I don't shake too badly when I brush my teeth. 

I hate that.  

And I hope I can fall asleep soon.  

 

I like funny. 

Nopefully.  

Hehe.  

Much better than sad.  

 

Funny, a silver lining on sad?  

Mmm.  Could be.  

 

Good night. 

[mirage]

Hi Waterfall. It is hard to stay focused on the positives and it is okay to talk about the bad. I think that is a part of this forum. All of us understand how bad the bad feels and how difficult it is. We are here to support you with no judgements. 

 

I like the bead idea. It would be a good visual. When the waves come and they are bad, it is difficult to remember the good and having a string of beads before you would be a help to switch your thinking. 

 

I love that you are able to have some time with your kids and you folded another load of laundry. Yes, a step forward. I think those steps would be classified as a window? I have had a hard time understanding windows because I think they come and go  really fast. I actually had a window yesterday, that was a smidge longer and, although I had symptoms, it felt different. It felt easier. I also got 7 hours of sleep last night. I had a couple of those nights in  March and early April. But none since then. Mostly have had the 4am cortisol wake up since this journey started June of 2017. I always feel tired and fatigued but can never sleep. If I do fall asleep it is for a few hours and I wake up after having very weird dreams. Not at all normal dreaming because I never feel like I am fully asleep. 

 

I'm sending prayers and good wishes for you today that windows peek through and you can add another bead to your string. I think we need to go out and buy some beautiful, gold beads, so when this journey is complete, we have some really nice jewelry as a reward. Lol. 

 

 

[mirage]

Hi Carmie, Rabe and Rosetta. Wanted you all to know i'm saying prayers for all of you too. One day at a time and one step at a time. 

 

Rabe, i'm so sorry you had to miss one of your children's wedding. I look back a year ago and am not at all sure how I got through my youngest college orientation and then a few months later, the move for him. The 2 hour drive there, I held a bag the entire time because if was so nauseas. It was a 2 day orientation and the entire first day was spent, in groups, with other students and parents, walking around campus and attending informational seminars. I was SO dizzy at that time. Even though I would be standing still, everything seemed to be moving. It made my nausea a million times worse. I made it through all of the seminars and we broke for dinner. Immediately after dinner, I had to have my husband drop me at the hotel and he and my son, had to finish the evening without me. I sat in the bed at the hotel wondering how on earth I was going to get through the next day and the 2 hour drive home. I did and I think it was the grace of God that got me through it. It would be so hard to get through an entire day of a wedding. I understand and feel for you. 

 

Carmie, I sympathize with all of those symptoms. Through this journey, there are so many that you can't even remember all of them. They come and go and then new ones come and then they go and old ones come back. It is crazy! I'm glad you got out and laughed. Laughter is a really good healer. 

 

Rosetta, you are so positive. I need to go back and read your post. I see that you finished all meds in Feb of 2017? Are you feeling good? Back to a healthy place? 

 

Sending good and positive to all. 

[Waterfall]

Thanks for all the positive thoughts, Mirage.  

I just wanted to let you know, that if you wanted to 'tag' someone in your post, 

you could type the '@' symbol, and then start typing their name, such as @Rabe 

When you type that, a box appears below it, and once you have enough letters

to make clear who's name you want, you can click on their name, and it will 

become a box, like @mirage, and they will get a notice saying that you have

tagged them. Then they will know that you wrote something to them, otherwise

they might miss it, and they won't know that you are thinking of them. 

 

So, @Carmie, @Rabe, and @Rosetta, Mirage just wrote a lovely post, thinking

of you all.  You should read it.  😊

[mirage]

Thank you @Waterfall. I will make sure I do that. Great information for me to know. 

 

Sending positive thoughts your way. 

[Waterfall]

Well, I don't know if it was because I was all emotional last night, 

or if it was because I didn't make sure to have a decent dose of protein before bed, 

but I had a terrible experience waking up from a horrible nightmare shortly after 

4 o'clock this morning.  The dream was awful enough, but I woke up when in my 

dream I was dying.  I'd been shot (after being attacked by a bear, and a cougar, 

multiple times), and woke up seriously panicking.  

It took a good long while before I was able to calm down. It was just awful.  

Even once I was reasonably calm, and managed to doze some more, I stayed

jittery, even in my sleep, it felt like, for the rest of the morning, until I got up at 7:30. 

I also had particularly bad rib pain and felt nauseated, and inclined to throw up. 

I feel silly saying it, but once I burped and farted for a while, those things seemed

to improve some.  

So, once I got up, I sent my skinny dude off for his last day of school.  My older 

two off for their second last day of school.  I sat in my chair, and thought that I

would just sit here and feel awful for a while.  

Well.  I was wrong.  My sister phoned, and we had a pretty cheerful chat for a few 

minutes.  Then my Mom came down, and despite that she was feeling rough, and

so was I, we got a bit of tidying up done together.  

So, despite that I thought I was too shaky, and trembling, and had too much of a 

headache and all.. and even though I'm scared my effort will make me feel still 

worse later, I still got some things done.  And considering how I felt earlier this

morning, I'm very surprised that I don't feel worse. 

 

As much as I don't like that you've had to endure similar things, it gives me much

comfort to know that the nightmares, the cortisol spikes, the dizziness, the shaking,

the trembling, the nausea, the heart pounding, the anxiety, the jittery feelings, the

headaches, etc, etc, etc, are all things that are not unique to me.  Sharing the 

experience, as lousy as it is to know that you must all, therefore, often feel as 

miserable as I do, somehow it softens it, makes it easier to endure, knowing that

none of us is going through this alone.  

 

I often wonder now, if some of my own mother's health struggles, have been as a

result of the antidepressants that she has taken in the past.  She has had trouble

sleeping, she has bouts of trouble with leg cramps, heart palpitations, blood sugar, 

issues, headaches, low blood pressure, high blood pressure, diarrhea, urinary 

urgency, persistent fatigue, etc.  The only thing they've ever found 'wrong' with her, 

is that she has diabetes.  She's always just kept trucking on through.  But I'm 

starting to think that all this stuff sounds strangely familiar.  

[mirage]

@Waterfall lol, I am so illiterate when it comes to electronics. I messed up in my response post to you. However, I think I have it correct now. 

[mirage]

@Waterfall all of your symptoms are the same ones I had and still have but are better. I use to wake up worried that my day would be awful based on the nights sleep, or lack of sleep. I figured out that, once I accepted what ever the night brings me, it didn't necessarily play a role in how my following day would go. One thing for sure, my mornings were and still are the hardest. That said, I get up every day and tell myself that, "no matter how i'm feeling now, that doesn't mean that I won't feel better throughout the day". Also let yourself know that the next hour may be better and keep moving through. 

 

The dream thing is really odd. I have never had an issue with dreams until this journey and they are very odd and I always wake up right after one and the timing is always around the 4am cortisol spike. I never fall back asleep but I lay and doze until I have to get up for the day. I did not have one of those dreams last night and I did not wake at 4am. I managed to become awake around 6/6 30 and I dozed from there. Would LOVE for that to start to become my new norm and, perhaps, it just will. I'll keep you posted. 

 

Your symptoms seem to be very much like mine. Interestingly, I had 4 children as well. Mine are all grown now, 29, 26, 24 and 19 and one is married. I find there are no chance meetings in life. Each person that you meet, was put in your life for a reason. I'm hoping I can be of help to you. 

 

You make a valid point about your mom. Perhaps you are breaking the cycle and have to go and get through this for some benefit to your children? I do think we gain a lot of knowledge when tough times hit. We just don't always get to see those benefits until after the journey is done. 

 

Sending hugs.

[Waterfall]

Yep!  You've got the 'tag' figured out now!  

Isn't it fun figuring out new things?  

New tools that we can use. 

 

I'm understanding more and more how important acceptance is in this whole journey. 

Even just in life in general.  We certainly learn a lot along the way, don't we?  

I just wish it didn't have to be so hard to learn some of these lessons.  

 

I also remember another friend of mine who told me that there are no chance things. 

Everything happens for a reason.  I hope that I also, will be a benefit to you, as well as

you to me, and both of us to others here, and them also, to us.  

 

Those always changing symptoms, eh?  This morning my headache has not been as

bad, but I've suddenly been dealing with heartburn today.  And out of the blue, I get 

stabbing pains in my chest, or muscles spasms.  Only on the left side.  My neck and

shoulders are still very sore.  And today my legs and knees are bothering me a lot as

well.  Oh, and my scalp.  My scalp has bothered me a lot lately.  Itchy, or sore.  Or in

some way, just... weird.  It keep rubbing or scratching it, just like I keep moving my 

legs, in an attempt to somehow make them feel better.  Today I have found myself

stretching my legs a lot.  Not even sure why.  Trying to relieve the pain somehow.  

 

It sounds like you, Mirage, are doing your best to stay pretty active.  I always wonder

how much to be busy, and how much to take it easy.  Certainly I am not as capable 

of being busy physically, or mentally, as I could before.  I tend to think that the more 

I do, the worse I feel, but I am not always sure.  Sometimes, I think I feel better when

I get up and do a few things. The response to what I do, is not always the same.  

 

In general, every day, I try to get up and walk around at least once or twice during the

day.  Sometimes I will be up for quite a while, making beds, working on the laundry, 

or the kitchen, or doing some tidying up.  Sometimes I manage to sit on the floor 

for a bit and play with the kids.  I usually aim to sit at the table with the family for

supper, though I can't always.  Sitting on a chair that doesn't rock, is hard for me. 

Some days, I am not able to walk around very much, either because I am too dizzy, 

or shaky, or just feeling weak, or unsteady.  But always I get in at least a few little

walks around the house.  I have not been out much lately, though I think sometimes

that getting outside would be good for me.  I try, at least, to open the window by my

chair regularly to get fresh air and a bit of sunshine.  I am also trying to drink more. 

The last two days i was pleased that I managed to drink 3 full water bottles.  My 

water bottle holds 20 oz.  So that's 60 oz!  I usually drink a minimum of one, but 

until recently, I had never finished more than two (that I can recall).  My other goal, 

is to try and eat regularly, and with a lot of protein.  

 

Simplified:
I try to get some activity. 

I try to drink plenty. 

And I try to eat protein, regularly. 

Oh, and I guess I try to get plenty of rest. 

And relax a lot.  

 

That reminds me of something.  I can't remember if it was on your thread, Mirage, or

someone else's, but they were talking about the dizziness, and how it's your body 

trying to reset.  Does it make sense to be worried that rocking all the time, is going to

make my body reset to that constant motion, so that I'm dizzy whenever I'm not 

rocking?  It makes me nervous about my rocking all the time, though it does help me

to feel better.  I have a hard time -not- rocking, do you think that I need to be worried

about that fact? 

[Waterfall]

Ooh.  And today, in spite of the fact that it's 30 degrees out 

(and okay, I -am- in an air conditioned house), I am freezing 

cold today.  Though, it seems like my feet and legs are cold

the most lately.  Not as much the rest of my body.  Recently, 

I found myself always wanting my sweater.  Now I always 

want my blanket over my legs in my chair.  Okay, not quite

always.  Sometimes I really want it, and other times, not so 

much. 

[Waterfall]

I take it back. 

I haven't worn my sweater in a while. 

But today, that isn't true anymore. 

I'm wearing my sweater.  My hat.  My blanket. 

And I am still freezing. 

Brrrrrr.  

 

And we're having a heatwave here.  

That's.  Funny.  

 

Hahaha...*shiver*...hahahaha... 

[Waterfall]

Well, isn't that interesting.  

I just got the link to my son's play!

Now, music right now often gives me thing tingles/shivers all over. 

And it was a musical.  

So, now I am sweating.  

Considering I was freezing a short time ago, that's also kinda funny. 

Who knew music could heat you up. 

 

Of course, with life the way it is, maybe it wasn't the music!

We'll never know!  

 

I was surprised, yet again, how hard it was, just to watch that half hour. 

It's still frustrating to be able to do so little right now.

It's hard to be patient for the time when I can do a little more again.