Waterfall: introduction

[Waterfall]

13 hours ago, Carmie said:

Thinking of you and sending hugs🤗

 

Thanks Carmie.  

I needed that today.  

Now I'm feeling just a -little- more cheerful.  

 

I've realized the whole mouth thing started a while ago. 

A few weeks ago, it was the gums on the lower right. 

Then it was the back left.  

Then it was a sore tooth on the lower left. 

Then it was my tongue on the right. 

Now the tooth and the tongue are getting better, 

but it's the gum on the top right that hurts.  

So weird.  

And yes, it can really make it hard to eat sometimes.  

So glad that the nausea is a bit better right now, or I might starve.  

 

Yesterday, I woke up pretty shaky. 

Had more than usual REM sleep, and woke up to a nightmare.

Felt a bit better after breakfast.  Less shaky.

Had a lot I had to do yesterday. 

I had to help paint.  And get the gardens in shape. 

Over 13,000 steps on my fitbit!  That is very rare.  

Don't know how I survived it. 

But I actually did okay... 

until about suppertime, by which point my legs were shaky. 

 

Sat down after I put the kids to bed, to relax. 

And read my book.  

Well.  Felt absolutely SICK reading my book. 

Was extremely tense, especially my shoulders. 

Practically trembling and shaking. 

Struck by sudden nausea.  

Finally managed to put the book down, but wow, 

was that ever a bad reaction.  

Tried to relax, but it took a long time. 

 

Didn't manage to fall asleep until after midnight. 

Woke up at 6:00am obsessing about the book.  

Had a very hard time to change the channel. 

 

Now I want to finish the book, so I will think about it less. 

But I don't want to go through the possible misery of actually reading it. 

Since I think I'm still recovering from the last part I read.  

 

And this in the middle of the painting and floor installations still going on. 

Which I don't think are doing me any favours.  

I think it will be a while before the fumes are gone from my bedroom, 

nevermind the rest of the house!  

I wish some of these things didn't need to be done. 

But I have no idea what else to do about them.  

 

Stupid book.  

 

Shoulders still quite sore today. 

Chest pain flared up in bed this morning. 

Not bothering me as much at the moment. 

Tongue feeling better, but top right gums hurt.  

Somewhat short of breath. 

Heart pounds easily today.  

Some vision disturbances. 

Mild headache.  

Some tingling.  

First day of menses.  Day 32/Day 1 again.  

Thought it was late, but not so bad, really. 

Have to remember to eat and drink regularly.  

 

Several other life stressors right now, 

but I hesitate to list them, should anyone I know

ever read these, they would be far too identifying.  

Should I be worried?  

[Rosetta]

Hi, Waterfall.  Hugs.

 

25 minutes ago, Waterfall said:

 

 

Sat down after I put the kids to bed, to relax. 

And read my book.  

Well.  Felt absolutely SICK reading my book. 

Was extremely tense, especially my shoulders. 

Practically trembling and shaking. 

Struck by sudden nausea.  

Finally managed to put the book down, but wow, 

was that ever a bad reaction.  

Tried to relax, but it took a long time. 

 

Didn't manage to fall asleep until after midnight. 

Woke up at 6:00am obsessing about the book.  

Had a very hard time to change the channel. 

 

Now I want to finish the book, so I will think about it less. 

But I don't want to go through the possible misery of actually reading it. 

Since I think I'm still recovering from the last part I read.  . . .

 

Should I be worried?  

 

I have suffered through that issue many times since WD hit.  I could have written this post back then!!

 

There are two ways out:

Finish the book or

Start a new book or tv series that you become caught up in such that you forget about the book!

 

I understand your reluctance to finish the book.  If it keeps bothering you just finish it.  What a strange, awful illness this is, no?

 

i haven't had that reaction to a book or show recently.  It's some sort of neurotransmitter issue, I'm sure!  So bizarre.

 

Oh, and the hormones for Day 32/1 -- I can relate so well.  It's just horrible what we struggle with, but it will keep getting better!!!

 

All my love, Rosetta

 

Rosetta

[Waterfall]

Whew.  

Finished the book. 

Now I'm sweating. 

Stomach churning. 

Tense. 

Blech. 

Not as bad as last night at least. 

And I'm glad it's done. 

May not read a book again for a while. 

Wow.  

That was not fun.  

That experience is going to scare me for a while. 

But just thinking about the book was causing me anxiety. 

I had to get it out of the way.  

Makes it easier to forget. 

Of course, it has a sequel. 

So... it only helped so much... 

But I am NOT going to go looking for the sequel. 

Blech, blech, blech. 

54 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

What a strange, awful illness this is, no?

Yes. Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes. 

And to think there are others who have it way worse than I do. 

I just wish I wasn't one of the ones who reacted so easily in the first place. 

I wasn't even on nearly as much, for nearly as long as some people. 

Though I'm glad it got me off them sooner. 

I just want to be 'normal'. 

Oh, don't we all.  

Waiting for that next window... 

At this rate, it'll be a little while again.  

Sigh.  

 

I already wasn't watching shows. 

Now I can't read books.  

What AM I going to do to unwind?  

Wish I new how to knit... 

But learning right now, would be stressful. 

Sigh.  

[Waterfall]

Grrrr.... 

Today is harder than usual.  

Anxious.  

Tense. 

Sore. 

Vision trouble.  

Frustrating. 

Tiring. 

[Rosetta]

Hugs.  Can you watch a comedy?  Or stand up? Or documentaries? Or maybe Planet Earth, Blue Planet? 

 

Can you read kids' books?  The Never Girls series has 13 books and there are 3 other books about the same characters "A Fairy's Fire," "Beyond Neverland," and a Christmas book.  Maybe your kids would like them.

[Waterfall]

What an awful day.  

Did almost nothing today. 

This afternoon I felt like I could barely think. 

My anxiety was unusually high. 

 

Had to pick up my husband and bring him to the store. 

Waiting for him today was really hard. 

Headache.  

My feet were numb and tingling.  

Anxiety was high.  

Arm aches.  

Feel very jittery. 

Nauseated.  

 

When we got home I thought maybe it was because

I sat around all day and just needed to get moving. 

I was supposed to water plants, vacuum, and wash floor. 

Did a bit of watering and vacuumed one room. 

 

Feel much worse.  

Can barely hold still.  

Feel even more nauseated. 

Weak.  

Shaky. 

Chest pain is flaring up.  

[Rosetta]

Ugh.  So sorry, hon.  Epsom salt bath?

[Waterfall]

@Rosetta

I watched shows with the kids this afternoon. 

Not sure if it stopped me from feeling worse. 

Or made me feel worse because with the new layout. 

I will never know, because I won't know how I would have felt if I had done things differently. 

I can't watch tv and sit in my chair at the same time. 

My lovely rocking chair.  ☺️

 

I'm in my chair now.  

Eating some salad.  

And I just want to feel better. 

[Waterfall]

Our new place doesn't even have a bath.  

Only a shower.  😢

[Rosetta]

Ah.  You need an iPad with headphones so that you can watch shows in your chair.  

[Rosetta]

1 minute ago, Waterfall said:

Our new place doesn't even have a bath.  

Only a shower.  😢

 

Mmm, magnesium cream to put on your arms and legs?  I haven't found any yet, but I need to look harder.  Alto recommended it to me for RLS.

[Waterfall]

I've heard about that cream before... would be nice to find and try some.  

 

Woah.  My nose feel weird right now.  

Feet numb.  

Can't wait for this to settle down again. 

So frustrating when everything flares up.  

 

Just trying to relax and get some food down. 

Part of the problem might be not eating enough supper.  

 

I really hope I get a good sleep and feel better tomorrow. 

Calming down right now would be a good start.  

 

Posting when I'm feeling like this is probably a bad idea. 

I'm prone to babble and complain.  

But sometimes I can't help it.  

It's somewhat therapeutic. 

And the encouragement I get from you guys helps.  

[Carmie]

44 minutes ago, Waterfall said:

I've heard about that cream before... would be nice to find and try some.  

 

Woah.  My nose feel weird right now.  

Feet numb.  

Can't wait for this to settle down again. 

So frustrating when everything flares up.  

 

Just trying to relax and get some food down. 

Part of the problem might be not eating enough supper.  

 

I really hope I get a good sleep and feel better tomorrow. 

Calming down right now would be a good start.  

 

Posting when I'm feeling like this is probably a bad idea. 

I'm prone to babble and complain.  

But sometimes I can't help it.  

It's somewhat therapeutic. 

And the encouragement I get from you guys helps.  

You made me smile. Babble n complain as much as you like😂😂😂😂😂

 

Thank for your message to me too. Hope your mouth finally settles. 

 

I love your posts, you always make me smile. How I was your stupid book?😂

 

Sending hugs🤗

[Rabe]

Hi Waterfall,

SO happy to hear you are in your chair....hope you get a bath!!!  I was living somewhere for while where had no bath and I missed my baths SO much...cant soak long but just the warmth and moisture is so soothing.  I used to just fall asleep...hmmm....probably not good but being so relaxed was REally good!!

You could put your chair n the shower?????  

Im sorry you had such a difficult day...grateful to hear you have been able to eat...and always happy to hear you and your chair are bonding!

Take care of you Waterfall!  You are such a special gift!!!  Love and hugs!

[Waterfall]

@Carmie

Hey.  Nice to hear from you. 

I'm really glad you are going to hold for a bit, 

and do some things to enjoy life.  

 

I find my mind such a silly thing sometimes. 

You almost can't help but laugh.  

One minute, I'm like, man, I feel awful. 

Then I'm like, PANICKING!

I'm like, I can't do this anymore, 

make this feeling stop!

And then I'm like... hey, i think I feel like I'll live. 

And then, woah, hey, that burning spine thing again. 

Huh.  

Now hey?  Of all times.  

Why does that suddenly strike me as funny?  

Like really.  You're going to throw -that- at me now? 

Ha.  

What am I supposed to think of that? 

 

Why?  

Why doesn't anything make sense? 

I haven't changed anything in months. 

Why does it feel like it just keeps getting worse? 

Am I missing something?  

 

I know the answer. 

You've already read my answer. 

The things our systems have been through.  

It's no surprise.  

I'm more surprised that I'm still here. 

That this isn't killing me. 

That anyone can feel this bad, and live to tell the tale. 

That some people feel worse, and have lived, and told their tale. 

 

You said you are often bed-bound.  

How do you spend all that time?  

You also mentioned having... CFS?  

Is that chronic fatigue syndrome?  

You said you had it for 30 years?

That means you could have had it since my age.  

Maybe even longer.  I don't know.  

I don't know how old you are.  

 

Will I ever get my life back?  

I have kids to raise. 

Things to do.  

This is So. Hard.  

 

I just want to go DO stuff.  

 

Right now.  I want to relax and go to sleep.  

I don't know how.  

But I'm going to go try.  

Burning spine, or not!  

Rarr!

(*Sniff*)  

 

P.S.  Glad I can make you smile, Carmie.  

 

Oh, that's right.  Tongue is a bit better. 

Tooth hurt briefly, twice today. 

Top right gums still hurts the most.  

Eating was a bit of struggle, but not too bad. 

Right now the nausea is worse.  

And the vision disturbances.  

And the pain between my shoulder blades. 

And the burning spine thing.  Yeah, that's annoying. 

 

The book?  

I suppose in a way it was a good book. 

I might have enjoyed it. 

But it was also horrible. 

It made me feel horrible.  

Too much about people's minds. 

And getting in people's heads. 

And one guy who was feeling really sick.  

Because of what was bombarding his mind. 

Yeah.  

My son loved it. 

That's why he begged me over and over again to read it. 

Reading the first half wasn't bad.  

The further I got, the harder it was. 

The climax was awful. 

Not in the book, just in the reaction my body had to it.

The climax itself, in retrospect, was a climax, sure, but it wasn't crazy or awful.  

Just my body's reaction to it was.  

 

Anyways.  

Attempting sleep.  

Sigh.  

 

First have to get ready for bed... 

[Carmie]

2 hours ago, Waterfall said:

nice to hear from you

 

Hi Waterfall, I don’t know how to copy and paste small quotes. I just rewrote what you  said. Help!!😂😂 Do u know how to do it?

 

I know what you mean about our minds. So all over the place! 

 

I think you need to choose  books you love instead of recommendations. I’m a big John Grisham fan but while I’ve been going through withdrawals I’ve spent too much time in close up reading and it’s affected my eyesight even more. My eyesight has almost deteriorated a whole diopter in four or five years or so, so I’m trying to not do so much close up things. It’s reversible. Just check out Jake Steiner. I miss reading novels at the moment😥😥.

 

Im so sorry about your nausea. I know nothing will get rid of it. Is there something that eases it just a little?

 

I’ve got my boombox flashing at the moment while I’m cranking up the music. Love my music. I’m in a window though and doing okay. I feel like I never want to taper again but will do so again in about three months or so. 

 

Had a lovely time last last night with friends, a four year old wouldn’t stop hugging me and sitting on my lap. It warmed my heart so much.

 

Take care, sending hugs🤗🤗

 

 

 

 

 

[Waterfall]

8 hours ago, Carmie said:

 

Had a lovely time last last night with friends, a four year old wouldn’t stop hugging me and sitting on my lap. It warmed my heart so much.

 

I'm so glad to hear that Carmie!  

That must feel so wonderful.  

 

In order to do small quotes, you just need to select the section you would like to do. 

Then a little box should pop up that says 'quote selection' and you just click on it. 

That way you can quote small pieces, instead of the whole post.  

 

I am so discouraged today. 

I feel like I just keep getting worse.  

I know that's not always true. 

Some days are better than others. 

Yesterday was bad.  

Went to bed with a terrible headache. 

Today is also bad. 

My arms and legs are just trembling today. 

It's 10:00 and I have yet to get more than half a slice of bread down.  

Working on the rest of my sandwich right now.

I tingle all over. 

My fingers are burning.   

Waves of dizziness and nausea.  

 

Have an important appointment this afternoon, 

and I have no idea how I'm going to make it.  

 

I slept last night, for over six hours, 

but almost none of it was REM or deep sleep. 

Wish I knew why that happens. 

But I doubt I'll get an answer to that any more than any of the other things I'd like to know. 

 

How does one keep up hope?  

When it's hard to think. 

Or move. 

Or relax.  

How do you stay positive?  

[Waterfall]

Peeeeyooou!  

Flooring guy is here today.  

Doing the kitchen and mudroom/laundry room. 

That stuff stinks.  

 

And I don't know if the smell is actually making me feel bad, 

or if I'm just afraid that it does.  

Oh, isn't the mind a lovely thing?  

 

And get this... I'm too nervous, 

to actually leave my chair and open the windows.  

Dumb, right?  

[Waterfall]

Watching kid cartoons to make it through the day today.  

Only one short part was tense enough to cause me an anxiety response.  

 

Oh!  And I finally ate my sandwich... 

Now that it's almost lunch.  😜

[Waterfall]

Windows open!  

But wow, I knew the smell was strong, 

but I didn't realize JUST how strong, until I left and came back. 

And THEN walked over to the kitchen to look. 

Wowzers!

And then my husband went into the kitchen to open that window, 

and the man says, "Oh, does it smell?"

Ha.  

Does it smell?!  

Do skunks smell!?!!

Yes it smells!!!!

It stinks!!!!

 

Oh, how am I going to survive here!!?

I definitely couldn't stay standing near the kitchen. 

Sigh.  

[Waterfall]

Wow. 

Just had an awful afternoon. 

Can barely walk straight.

Hands and feet tingling.

Feet the most.

Chest pain bad.

Headache.

Trouble thinking.

Vision disturbance.

Eyes hurt.  Feel dry.

Hearing disturbance.

Some trembling/shaking.

Short of breath.

Chest tight.

Heart pounding.

Fast heart rate.

Anxiety high.

Spirits low.

Cried this aft.

So discouraged.

[Waterfall]

Side note, 

I was out of the house all afternoon.  

Didn't even notice any smell when I came home.

 

It was my husband's appt.

But he was a neurologist.

First person I've talked to in person

who believes PAWS from antidepressants

can cause this misery.

He suggested a referral to Vancouver.

To a trial for TMS? 

Anybody ever heard of this?

After a quick read, I'm not sure if I'm interested.

But right now I'm not sure I can continue like this either.

[Rosetta]

Hugs, Waterfall. I'm sorry you had such a bad day.  - Rosetta

[Waterfall]

@Rosetta

Thank you.  Hopefully today is better 

 

@Rabe

I was a little slow to see your post, 

but you made me laugh with the chair in the shower part.  

Yes, my chair and I like bonding too.  😊

Thanks for considering me special.  

 

Yesterdays bad episode started all because at the appointment, I ran up one flight of stairs. 

My heart was pounding so hard.  It didn't come down below 90 again until more than an hour later.  

In the time in between I could barely think, barely see straight, my whole body felt awful.  

Strangely, I ran upstairs here at home this morning, and my heart rate went up to 119, 

and yet, a few moments later, it was down again.  

Why did it stay up yesterday?   

Weird.  

 

This morning, instead, I had awful cramps when I came back from bus drop off. 

Just out of the blue, getting out of the van.  

I could barely walk back inside to my chair.  

But they've abated again as well.  

This morning on the whole hasn't been too bad so far.  

For breakfast I had one slice of bread with peanut butter.  

Low anxiety.  

Sore.  Achy.  Weak.  And tired. 

Vision is off.  

Low level nausea. 

Mildly dizzy.  Mild headache.  Tension

But otherwise, not doing too bad.  

So far. 

 

Sometimes how we feel, is hard to describe.  

 

Hmm... I feel like I'm jumping all around here. 

I'm going backwards now again. 

Yesterday afternoon was rough. 

I didn't think I'd leave my chair again... 

But I had to.  I had to water the garden. 

And join my family for supper. 

Though for some reason it was really hard to stay 

on my chair in the kitchen.  

Ate half my hamburger at the table.  

The other half in my chair after supper.  

 

I had a nice relaxing evening in my lovely chair.  

And then, just before I was going to go to bed, 

my body suddenly built up some panic/anxiety. 

Just, out of the blue, it felt like.  

It was really hard to get myself to bed.  

When I finally lay, trying to fall asleep, 

I was bombarded by images, thoughts, and feelings, 

of something dark and evil trying to... I'm not sure what. 

Fly around me?  Attack me?  Float through my head?  

It was distressing, but I tried my best to change the channel, 

and to remain calm.  

It eventually abated again, and I went to sleep.  

Slept all night! 

Was vaguely aware of my husband getting up early.

And then I woke up just before my alarm went off.  

Only mild anxiety upon waking. 

Often I wake up early, and that time before I actually 

get up can be a time of very dark, despairing, thoughts.  

Today wasn't bad.  

Although apparently talking about it (or some other random thing)

suddenly made tingles run through my legs.  

 

One of my favourite pick-me-ups, is to read a specific success story, 

that I found back near the beginning when I first joined.  

It's the success story of Pug.  

I just find it so encouraging.  

I can't say that I read it all the time or anything, 

but I sat and read it for a while yesterday afternoon. 

 

Read through all of the following posts as well. 

Appreciated the follow-up update, which I saw for the first time. 

The fact that he came back, that he even updated, 

and how much he has responded to peoples questions, 

it's so nice of him to put all that out there for us.  

 

Thank you, @pug

I am sharing this, partly because I think others

who read my posts, could also get encouragement

from what he has shared.  

 

I know, when I first read it, I was also sometimes 

discouraged and scared by the long timeline he mentions. 

But... at this stage, it's my life.  

Many of the symptoms he lists, are exactly what I have,

and am, experiencing. 

So.  Knowing it can, that it -will- improve, 

is music to my ears.  

Even if it will take a while.  

I'll just keep taking it one day at a time. 

 

If you've read his posts, then you'll know,

the waterfall is up ahead. 

We just have to keep moving, 

and not give up. 

And we'll get to see it too.  

And there are even more spectacular ones ahead.  

He's already seen a more beautiful one

than the one he first described.  

 

His opening post, 

the waterfall post, I think near the bottom of page 2, 

and his update in the second half of page 3 

are all really encouraging posts.  

At least to me they are.  

 

He's been -this- low. 

And he isn't anymore.  

And he got there, because he just kept living.  

One day, one hour, one week, one minute at a time.  

 

I hope everyone is having a better day today.  

Rabe, you sound a bit more cheerful.  

I hope you are doing better.  

Thanks, as always for your encouragement as well, Rosetta.  

You two mean a lot to me.  

 

And Pug, if you happen to stop by, 

thank you.  

Keep helping pave this path we are all walking, 

and thank you for marking the trail for us.  

I know you are not the first, or the last, 

but your efforts in sharing are appreciated by many.  

[Waterfall]

Whew. 

Balance is bad right now.  

Just walking to the bathroom and back, 

(to look at a pimple in the mirror of all things)

was a job.  

My arm feels almost too heavy to feed myself the other half of my peanut butter sandwich. 

Blah.  

Chest pain has flared up again. 

And I'm freezing.  

Because I have the windows open to let as many fumes out as possible. 

Even though I don't really smell them today.  

I know they are there.  

So rather than let them build, I am letting them out. 

And freezing.  

Brrrr... 

 

It was so sunny yesterday. 

Today is cloudy.  

[Waterfall]

Stupid pimple is bothering me way more than it should.  😜

[Waterfall]

Oy.  Really rough day.  

Can't walk far. 

Knees hurt/shake badly.  

Feet cold and numb/tingly.  

Headache.  

Hope this gets better soon.  

[Rosetta]

Oh, Waterfall!  This is so tough.  Hugs.

[Waterfall]

2 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Oh, Waterfall!  This is so tough.  Hugs.

 

Yes, it is.  

I hope this wave lets up soon.  

Thank you, Rosetta.  

I hope you've been doing well.  

Hugs right back at you.  

[Waterfall]

Shoot.  My anxiety and panic are starting to go off all over the place. 

Even over nothing.  

Here we go again.  

This is what led me to drugs last time.  

How do I get through this time without them?  

I don't want to take them again.  

It's just going to put me through this all over again.  

Oh, how do I weather this storm?  

 

The tingles come in waves. 

I'm cold, but I'm sweating. 

Especially my hands right now.  

I feel too sick to move, but can hardly stay still. 

(Looooove my rocking chair!!)  

Oh, this is frustrating.  

 

I hope what Pug said is true, 

and that we do the most healing when it's roughest

That means I should feel a lot better once I get through this wave...   

(Fingers crossed!)

 

Oh, I wish I didn't have to sell a house 

and raise 4 kids

and, you know, feed and toilet myself, 

through this ridiculous mess!

[Waterfall]

Hmm... 

Was just thinking (through the fog, I think)... 

that maybe it's not actually panic.  

It just feels kinda the same.  

It could just as easily be a wave of strange feelings. 

Just because it feels like panic, doesn't mean I have to think of it that way. 

So, I've got a sudden feeling of dread.  

I'm not scared of anything. 

Other than this feeling, maybe.  

So. I can hardly think. 

And I've got weird chills and heat and tingles traveling randomly up and down me. 

So what?  

Yeah, it sucks.  

And it feels rough.  

But it's still not killing me... 

Right?  

So.  

Well...

We'll just keep on keeping on.  

[Waterfall]

If only I could actually BE as brave as I feel like I sound.  

Really looking forward to my next window. 

Where maybe I'm not so dizzy, and miserable.  

[Rosetta]

I've been having similar thoughts lately.  This feels awful; I feel dread; I feel fear; I feel strange feelings, but it's a little bit easier to believe that they are not real.  Brassmonkey talks about feelings being unwelcome guests who can be kicked out.  I liked the idea, but I couldn't imagine making that work in a wave.  Now I have some less intense waves, and I have the ability to imagine this concept working.

[Waterfall]

Will this ever let up?  

I haven't felt this bad since my son was born. 

My face is hot, like I'm embarrassed. 

My hands sweating.  

I feel nauseated. 

Everything hurts.  

And nothing I describe, actually explains how I feel.  

It's sort of like anxiety.  Sort of like panic. 

Sort of like I just can't think.  

A bit like being dizzy. 

And tired. 

And yet, not like any of those things.  

Oh, please.  Please, please, please let it get better soon.  

So far, it feels like I've just been going down, 

down, down, down, 

down, down, 

down... 

since March.  

 

Now my neck is burning again. 

My arm trembling.  

Oh, this is beyond frustrating.  

Even watching kids cartoons is panicking me now.  

Will my system ever give it a rest?  

 

I know how this is supposed to work. 

Wait. 

And it will get better. 

I feel like I'm waiting... 

While I fall. 

Further. 

And further.  

 

I know it's not reasonable, 

but I'm worried that I'm missing something. 

Is it actually... lyme disease? 

Or cancer?  

Do I actually need these meds?  

 

I believe I know the answer to these things. 

It's withdrawal. 

Other people have still had it worse than I have. 

It could still get worse.  

And I will still get better one of these days. 

 

It's just really hard to stay hopeful on a day, 

no, in a string of days, like this. 

And I guess, this one, is actually the worst of them all so far. 

It's so hard to endure.  

 

Woah... now after being cold all day, 

I am just melting.  

Wowzers. 

 

Sigh.  

 

Who knows if I'll reach a point where I won't be able to think or function well enough to type.  

[Waterfall]

On a more humorous note, 

my fitbit registers my rocking, 

and since I can't sit still, 

I've acquired more than 8,500 'steps' in my rocking chair today. 

I just tried to see if I can sit still without rocking... 

and yeah, no... I'm not sure I can.  

 

Still feeling awful, though.  

Wish I felt more hopeful right now.  

 

I've felt off and on all day like I could cry.. 

But the tears won't come.  

 

Maybe... just maybe... tomorrow will be better.  

[Waterfall]

Sigh.  

All I did was go to the bathroom. 

And I feel so sick.  

Trembling like a leaf right now.  

Trying to stay calm.  

Didn't sit with the family at supper today.  

😢