tezza: risperdal withdrawal

[tezza]

I am experiencing anger...I haven't felt angry like this since before WD. I'm angry at my husband and some woman at a bank he goes to. He asked her for financial advice that concerns OUR future AFTER I had told him what I had found by research. His company also uses a financial group that we can get advice from. We use another bank that has a wealth management advisor. But why am I being treated like an ignorant stand-by?

 

I graduated Business Management with honors and I'm stupid. I'm so MAD! He had an appointment to meet with an advisor (fee based on %)and her, Thursday. He told me yesterday after the fact...then my mind started going. I'm NOT stupid! Just because somebody sits behind a desk does not make her smarter.

 

Well, DH called and got her voicemail, didn't leave a message to cancel, doesn't like VM. I said I'd do it, just give me the number. This heifer pushed for an answer to the question, "Is there a problem?" I didn't get VM. I wonder what she woulda said if I'd said, "Hell yea, there's a problem! You think you can tell so and so what he should do with my future while I'm totally in the dark! PLUS!!! I'm in WDs from anti-psychotic medication since September 2011 and this is the first time I've been really angry in over two years. NOW!!! You are insisting that I tell you something that's NONE of your business!"

 

I said, "Plans were being made that concerned my future and it was not discussed with me and it don't appreciate it!" in a not too pleasant tone of voice. DH is doing a job across the parking lot from that bank, how convenient... he has an HSA there. I'm checking other HSAs out, it may get moved and I told her that, too! She said, "Why would you want to do that!" (Yes Exclamation pt.) I said "We have other options"...she said, "He has other options." Well, WE have discussed moving it already, more like, I talked and he didn't, but, oh well...I'm still mad but I feel a little better. I've been angry since yesterday.

 

I'm so angry that my muscles are more tense than usual, other than that, I guess I'm ok...NOT

[Jemima]

Careful, girlfriend.  Don't give anyone reason to think you're flipping out.  I think you have every right to be angry, but keep cool.

 

I'm a CPA and I've always been leery of "advisors" who make commissions on their recommendations.  They're salespeople, not advisors.  Beware.

[Barbarannamated]

Tezza,

 

I certainly understand your anger at being excluded from a meeting about your own finances. Kudos for expressing yourself.

 

Your intelligence is very apparent in your writing and contributions here on the forum.

 

{{HUGS}}

[tezza]

Careful, girlfriend. Don't give anyone reason to think you're flipping out. I think you have every right to be angry, but keep cool.

 

I'm a CPA and I've always been leery of "advisors" who make commissions on their recommendations. They're salespeople, not advisors. Beware.

Thank you Jemima, I REALLY needed to hear that I my anger was justified. I was actually wondering if I was overreacting and shouldn't have gotten so angry but I'd sort thru it in I'm my mind and get angrier.

 

I'd never say what I put in there but I did think 'this witch doesn't know who she's stirring up.' I've always been very laid back and anger tends to build up while things are being held inside. Then a volcano erupts!

 

I got the feeling that this woman and man work for the same institution and she would profit in some way, as well. My husband has been going in there for a couple of years or so and with me being in WD, he's done much business alone. He was pushed thru the eighth grade before he quit in the ninth. I had to teach him to look at a word and sound it out when he started reading the Bible. I think they saw him coming and that just added to the anger but I was too mad at him to feel sorry for him.

 

I think I'm going through some mild waves, probably from stopping the Remeron in December. I'm so glad I found Gia's blog which led me to Alto before I tried to discontinue anything else.

 

Jemima, thank you so much for stopping by my thread! I hope you continue to improve and "Life's Good" from hereon.

[tezza]

Barb, thank you for your kind words and for stopping by, too! I know you haven't been feeling good and you still know just how to console others. Withdrawal has caused me to not be able to say things well, much of the time.

 

It's like somewhere inside me, I can 'feel' what I want to say but the words to say it won't come together in my brain. Thankfully, I've seen improvement, so there is hope.

 

Thank you for always being there!!!

 

BIG HUGS!

[mammaP]

Wow, Tezza I'm not surprised you are angry!!  Well done for speaking to her without losing

it, to the point and cutting enough without being rude, I like it, go Tezza! 

 

Hopefully hubby now knows NOT to exclude you from major decisions affecting your future, 

bet he won't do that again in a hurry 

[tezza]

Hi mammaP,

 

Thanks, it wasn't easy not to give her an earful. After I hung up, I got angrier that she'd said HE had options. Last time I checked me and he made 'we'. He better be glad he told me before he met with them in her office.

 

I posted about it because I really needed to vent but I also really wanted to know if I was being childish or unreasonable. I really appreciate you, Barb and Jemima for your comments. I'd told my daughter about it and she didn't seem to think I was behaving badly.

 

Since drugs and WD, I often second guess myself. I can't help wondering in certain instances if I'm reacting as I would have before.

 

Thank you for all your hard work on the forum!

[tezza]

Oh...my youngest son sent me a simple text a few minutes ago...."I love you". He does that only a few times a year and it's always perfect timing. I really needed it now.

[Nikki]

"This heifer"    ROTFLMAO

[tezza]

LOL, I'm not mad anymore and I really wanted to say a bad word...

[Aria]

My bank pulled the "we need to help you with your assets" one day as I was in there and then I talked to the adviser (who obviously did not know about investments himself). I was leery as they kept calling me and glad I finally said no. They'll dog ya for a commission.

 

"That heifer", so southern, I love it.

[tezza]

Hi Aria, thank you for dropping by. Yea, lol, I'm VERY southern. Occasionally I talk on the phone to acquaintances in Kentucky or West Virginia, they' ll comment about how 'country' I sound.

 

It's interesting to me that people in different regions of GA have different accents, too. My husband was from a different region and we lived there our first year. A couple of girls I met laughed about my pronunciation of the word 'ambulance' and told me it was supposed to be said as am-uh-LAINSE.

 

Those financial advisors can be pushy. Just because I called our bank and asked about accounts, I got a call from their advisor.

[Aria]

My Georgia sis in law can drag out a name for 30 seconds. Even saying Aria becomes Ar..RE..aaaa. I love the Low county accents near Charleston, SC. My cousins sound like they're talking with a mouth full of gumbo. *

 

* None of this is meant to be disrespectful and is just southerism.

[alex]

Hi Tezza;let me tell you that I LOOOVE Georgia and the South in general.Spicy, colorful, musical region.

You sound much better;I am so glad.

I'm doing much better too.

It is a slow, challenging process.But in the end we'll get the priceless reward of been drug free.

 

From tropical paradise, hugs to you T!

 

I would like to visit USA in the near fufure, and drop by GA and meet my good friend

[tezza]

Aria

 

Oh, I know you're not being disrespectful, it's something were used to hearing. We have our own language, lol.

 

A Northerner says "Have you eaten?" We say "jeet yit?"

[Aria]

My Charleston grandmother would make us salmon and grits. Years later seafood and grits became fashionable and pricey. My SC cousin would send me to the Piggly Wiggly to get drummettes for fried chicken. It had to be drummettes. The memories.

[tezza]

Sounds like very special memories. Those are the good thoughts we need to direct ourselves to anytime negative thoughts are plaguing us. Those memories made me have a pleasant feeling even though they are your memories.

 

The same way we hurt together, we also share pleasurable emotions. This is a unique group, I've always thought this forum stood out above all others I'd read.

[tezza]

Hi Tezza;let me tell you that I LOOOVE Georgia and the South in general.Spicy, colorful, musical region.

You sound much better;I am so glad.

I'm doing much better too.

It is a slow, challenging process.But in the end we'll get the priceless reward of been drug free.

 

From tropical paradise, hugs to you T!

 

I would like to visit USA in the near fufure, and drop by GA and meet my good friend

Dear Alex,

 

Thank you so much for those hugs! I'm so glad you're doing better, too. I know we will still have our moments but even without drugs we had moments. It's just part of life.

 

Post-WD we are wiser and know a pill can't fix things. We will use different strategies from now on.

 

My daughter is about to be here, I'll try to check in again later.

 

Remember good and happy moments...

 

HUGS!!

[reluctantpharmagirl]

Hi Tezza, quick stop by to thank you for all your advice and support. You were the first person to respond to me, even with advice you KNEW i didn't really want to hear.  But you were right, and your advice and support has made a HUGE difference in my healing. I'm not there yet ... by a longshot! ... but I take inspiration from your success getting off Remeron.  Thank you.  Grateful, RPG

[tezza]

Just a quick update:

 

I'm sorry I haven't been around much...I'm doing well and even sleeping better. I feel more like I felt prior to the drugs, now.

 

It seemed while I was down, no one wanted to talk to me or spend time with me much. Now, there are others that desire or need to talk to me. Also, now that I'm my old self, I can think of things to do and want to do things.

 

There doesn't seem to be enough time in a day...

 

Hugs and love to ALL!!!

[mammaP]

What a lovely post Tezza, I'm really chuffed for you and so glad you are getting on

with life and loving it. Living proof that there is life after meds 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Oh that sounds like you are doing well. Tezza. Such an upbeat post. I only hope that happens for me some day too.

[Petunia]

Hi Tezza,

 

I just read through your thread from the beginning.  You have been through so much, I can't imagine how hard it must have been.  Thank you for being here to help others and for continuing to tell your story which gives us hope.  I'm so glad for you that you are feeling much better and your life is getting back to the way it should be.

 

This is history now, but I wanted to mention it.  Regarding your problem with your DIL and FB.  If I was reading it right, I think it was an issue with being unfriended.  Around about that time, facebook was having some glitches with people losing their friends.  It didn't happen to me, but I'm in several gaming groups and people were complaining because large numbers of their friends had disappeared and they couldn't get them back.  Eventually, fb fixed it up, but it took a while, maybe that's what happened.

 

Petu.

[Narcissus]

Lovely Tezza, thank you so much for sharing with us.  

[tezza]

Hi Tezza, quick stop by to thank you for all your advice and support. You were the first person to respond to me, even with advice you KNEW i didn't really want to hear.  But you were right, and your advice and support has made a HUGE difference in my healing. I'm not there yet ... by a longshot! ... but I take inspiration from your success getting off Remeron.  Thank you.  Grateful, RPG

RPG, thank you for those kind words of encouragement. It's very encouraging to know I've actually helped at least one person. You, my friend have made me feel even more worthwhile.

 

I MUST get back here more! Much has been going on but I NEED to be here, it helps me to help others.

 

Thank you for your post, RPG, I didn't see it for a long time. I don't have notifications. (Sincere apologies)

 

I'm so glad you're doing better now, too!

 

Hugs and love!

[tezza]

I'm sorry I was so brief last post! I was checking in at a late hour.

 

@RPG, I just want to thank you again for your post to me. You'll never know how much it means to me!

 

@mammaP, thank you for EVERYTHING you do! You came and Petu came in with very good timing and have been great help here.

 

@CW, keep hanging in there! This wonderful group of people are all pulling for you!

 

@@Petu, Bless you for reading my thread (you too, RPG). I know it's lengthy. I have been through a lot but I'm thankful to have made it through it. I still have only love for all the people that hurt me and wish only the best of everything for them. Thank you for all you do here, Petu!

 

@Nar, I wish I could do more. You and the other mods have me beat, hands down!

 

Been having issues with Internet for some time now and can't always get on. I love you all!

[Jemima]

Miss you, but it's good to see that you're doing so well.  I hope you're having some success helping your deceased friend's brother.  It's unbelievable to me that public officials are trying to rip this poor man off!

[tezza]

I'm sorry to disappoint anyone but feel I must be honest. I've been really unstable but am finally stabilizing on 15mg of Remeron and 200mg of Seroquel. I had to go to the hospital because I was afraid to be alone at my house. I was thoroughly convinced that I was being 'set up' for a conspiracy shooting.

 

My daughter and youngest son came over to 'see about' me the Saturday before Memorial Day. I don't remember my son being here, I must have blocked it out because my daughter told me that he was here. She filled in the blank spots for me a few days ago and there were many things I didn't remember.

 

I remember her asking me how long it had been since I had showered and I told her I didn't know but that I would take a bath at her house. My husband and I went to her house that day and she told me that I said I'd brought enough clothes for a month. She told me (a few days ago) that was when she really realized how bad off I had gotten.

 

I thought while at the hospital, that was where the shooting would take place. I thought I'd never get to come home again. I even thought God was telling me that as soon as the shooting happened that Armageddon was going to start. I saw the word Armageddon in the palm of my hand. I saw my name in the palm of my hand above Armageddon.

 

I thought witchcraft was going on in the hospital too, still not real sure it was not. I began to wonder if the people that passed away, REALLY passed away. I'm still not real sure about this either.

 

Jemima, I don't think those people are going to rip the family off. That was part of my delusional thinking. My friend's son and DIL were constantly asking me questions that I couldn't possibly answer so my brain tried to come up with an answer. I even called them and apologized for not trusting them. I called people I'd gone to church with and apologized to them for not trusting them also. Of course, they had no clue what I was talking about but said they forgave me.

 

I'm really sorry...this was not easy to post. I feel like a failure because I don't think I will be able to come off the meds. I do love you all and that's why I felt like I had to 'fess up'.

 

Facebook was not good for me and I've been careful not to get back on there very much at all.

[Barbarannamated]

Tezza,

 

First.... {{{BIG HUGS}}}.

 

Secondly, No apologies are necessary or called for. Your honesty and openness means so much to me and is so important to all of us in this battle. It's too easy to assume that others are doing well and moving on with life when not posting and, if like me, then feel like *everyone else* is able to do this when I continue to struggle.

 

Most importantly, you are safe and stabilizing. If I knew how to get past this awful place I'm in, I would certainly do it.

 

Love, B

[tezza]

Barb,

 

Thank you for for your support! {{{BIG HUGS}}} back to you! I wish I knew how to help you get through your struggles! Sincerely, I do! I'm not even sure what I've been through. Much of it is a big blur... My daughter told me things I didn't even remember. You've always been a good friend to me.

 

Love you Barb!!! Thank you for all you do, you support so many on the forum!

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Tezza, I had been thinking about you today, wondering why I had not seen any posts from you. Then all of a sudden you are back! I don't understand all of what you went through but if you need to be on meds, that is no failure on your part. Just as long as you are feeling better, that is all that counts. Just so glad to hear from you again!

[tezza]

Thank you CW...I'm thankful that you were thinking about me. I don't feel worthy to even be thought about so I really do appreciate it.

 

{{{HUGS to you}}}

[mammaP]

Tezza please don't beat yourself up or feel unworthy. The important thing is that you are 

getting better. I am so so sorry that you went through all that, I can relate well to those feelings

and it must have been absolutely terrifying for you. 

 

Sending you the biggest squishiest Mamma hug EVER .  xxx

[tezza]

Thank you, mammaP! I really do care about everyone here and wish I had not gotten so mesmerized by FB and current events in the news. I just got so lonely and that's how it started. I hope you (or anyone)never get to that point. I would understand completely if you all didn't want me around, at all, anymore.

 

My only RL friends are the family of my dear friends that passed away. They are very precious to me. They have a true innocence about them that the world doesn't comprehend, an innocence that some might take advantage of. That's why I got so worried about them. If not for them, I'd have no true RL friends. We were not real close before my friend passed but I've grown to love them all very dearly and fear losing them although they reassure me that they will always love me.

 

Fear has been a huge issue, especially 'fear of losing friends or loved ones'. They live about an hour away from me and I've just started driving again, only a few days ago.

 

Thank you so much for the mamma hugs! I certainly don't feel I deserve hugs from anyone so they mean a LOT to me. I've been told from several (mostly at church) to not look back but to 'go forward' but it's so difficult to forgive myself for letting people down. I feel like I must be the most horrible person that ever was or ever will be.

 

I had gotten to where I wouldn't go to church. DH was very firm with me that I 'might as well make my mind up' that we were going to church 'somewhere', so I have been going since I got out of the hospital.

 

Thank you, mammaP, for taking the time to read and reply to me.

 

Love you bunches!

T

[Altostrata]

tezza, so sorry to hear what you've been through.

 

What drugs are you taking now?

 

Did you start at a lower dose of Seroquel or jump right to 200mg?

[tezza]

Hi Alto,

 

I took 50mg of Seroquel for one night, I think. Then I was told I would be taking 100mg but I think they were actually giving me 200mg. The doc didn't even tell me he upped it to 200. I was looking at the blister pkg and the med nurse told me it was 200mg. I never even talked to the doc about the change.

 

I had agreed to let him go up to 100mg and he just changed it to 200 without my knowledge. The med nurse didn't seem to like it if I questioned anything so I just did whatever they wanted. I don't think I would've stabilized on the lower dosage, though. It was started on May 28th and I still haven't completely stabilized.

 

I lost a lot of weight, I'm not sure the timeframe but it seemed pretty fast. I didn't notice it much because of the state of mind I was in. Then, I thought it was just because I had left off the Remeron in December. Now, I'm not sure why I lost the weight but it will probably come right back since I'm back on the meds.

 

I feel like I'm walking the same, exact path my poor mother traveled for so long and she was never able to get off the meds. I tried so very hard and thought I was going to be able to do it, not even realizing I was sick. My husband told my daughter that he had seen the illness for at least six months before I went to the hospital.

 

I didn't want to go to the hospital but my husband didn't know what else to do. It got REAL bad but I thought everyone else were the ones that couldn't see straight. It's been hard to find the vocabulary that expresses my thoughts and/or feelings.