tezza: risperdal withdrawal

[tezza]

Karma,

 

Thank you so much for your support! It means a lot to me. The two links you gave are very good and give more info than others I'd seen.

 

Physically, I feel lousy but my mood is so much better than its been in the last two years. I'm even having thoughts of hope for the future, which I thought I'd never have again.

 

Love and Hugs to everyone!

[alex]

Hi Tezza, thinking of you from the "steaming jungles of Central America".

 

Sending healing vibes.A.

[tezza]

Thank you Alex! You sound good these days, I'm glad you feel better!

 

Healing vibes bak to you,Alex... :-)

[Karma]

I think it is a good sign that you are having thoughts of hope for the future ... I know how refreshing those thoughts are after the funk we tend to struggle through.

 

Karma hug ...

 

 

[Jemima]

I'm good and lost after reading all the medical stuff, but I'm glad to see that you're feeling hopeful! Here's rooting for you!

[tezza]

Thank you, Jemima! I still get very tired but I'm feeling motivated to do things as opposed to forcing myself! My mood is more like my old self than it's been in two years. It's been like this for about three weeks, now. I've been hesitant to say much about it,

it seems like in the past when I did, it would backfire!

 

I'm definitely not 100% but I'm seeing improvement. It may only be a good, long window but it is nice not to dread every minute and long for bedtime from the time I get up in the morning.

 

Hugs to all!

[alex]

I am glad you're having good moments.

I am too;despite my difficult personal life issues, I am seeing substantial progress in some areas.

I think we must treasure that.

 

Sending healing vibes, A.

[tezza]

Thanks, Alex...yes, we must cherish the 'good' every time we get the chance. I'm very happy you're seeing progress, too!

 

Hugs and healing!

 

T

[tezza]

For those who think it will never get better:

 

In Feb. 2011, CT switch to Wellbutrin with no obvious problems. End of March, dropped Welbutrin and added 30mg Remeron, 300 mg Trileptal, 200 mg Lamictal and 1mg Risperdal.

 

Mid July, '11 tapered quickly off Trileptal, dropped to .5 mg Risperdal, dropped to 100 mg Lamictal. Although, I didn't realize at the time, I experienced minor WDs (feeling worthless and guilty).

 

Mid Sept., '11 CTd Risperdal. After three days, major WD began. 'Toughed it out' for two weeks and was just getting worse.

 

Oct. 1, '11 reinstated Risperdal and was able to eat again. End of Nov., I slept better for two nights and shaved off a piece of Risp. Tab.

 

It's been a long, hard ride since mid-September, '11. In March, 2012, I started to feel a little better. ( by then, I'd found this site and gotten liquid Risperdal )

 

I had many WD symptoms but depression and lack of motivation were keeping me, I felt there was no hope and I'd never be me again.

 

It was a roller coaster ride, up and down but mostly down. I would have a good window now and then but not real good. About three weeks ago, after a long, dark wave, I started feeling hopeful in spite of not feeling well, physically.

 

I 'feel' more like I think I'm supposed to feel than I have in two LONG years.

 

I've continued tapering slowly and am down to .133 mg Risperdal, 2.5 mg Remeron, DCd gabapentin (6/2012)and Lamictal (6/2013). (Began tapering Remeron- 7/2012.)

 

It CAN be done, slowly and carefully. I can't say how much longer I'll be tapering. Tapering isn't 'cut and dry', I'd never sit down and write a scheduled taper because my body may not agree with it. I am hoping to be free of Remeron and Risperdal in the next two years. If I'm finished before then, so be it, if not.... I will journey on.

[Altostrata]

tezza, that's only part of the concoction of drugs you were on. You're an inspiration! Remember, when you came here you could hardly post coherently, and you've regained your writerly self.

 

Thanks so much for contributing to our community, and for being a moderator. Nobody knows the path to healing better than you.

[tezza]

I have you and the group, here, to thank; I will be, forever, grateful!

[tezza]

Note to self: not recovered enough to stop taking phosphatidylserine. Third night off brings night sweat and hot flash. I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to stop taking it.

 

Addendum to recap post above:

 

Since Jan., 2012 -tapered from 700 mg. Soma to 262.5 and tapered from 3 mg. Xanax to .5

 

(Soma is a muscle relaxant that acts in the brain very similar to benzos. It is very addictive and is now classified as a narcotic.)

 

I've, truly, come off a lot of drugs with support and advice from SA.

 

My husband is seeing improvement.

[Barbarannamated]

You're awesome!

[alex]

Thank you Tezza, your testimony is an inspiration indeed!

 

Hugs, A.

[tezza]

Thanks, you guys! I posted with the hope that others will be encouraged not to give up. It has taken me two, long years to feel, almost, normal again.

 

It seems to be a major concern in WD, whether or not, one will feel like themselves ever again. The dread, gloom, and lack of motivation does and will get better.

 

Hugs, Alex and Barb!

[Nikki]

Good news Tezza.....and thank you:)

[tezza]

Thanks for dropping by my thread, Nikki! It's so tempting to go faster, now, but I feel too good, mentally, to start rushing things.

 

Something I've noticed is that AFTER a Remeron taper, the tinnitus gets better AND I sleep better. What's up with that?

 

I hope everyone will have a good day, today!

[Utahgal]

Your posts give mr hope. Thank you for writing!! I'm so glad that you see improvement. Rock on!

[Utahgal]

Your posts give "me" hope.

 

Lol. I can't type on my tablet.

[Barbarannamated]

Tezza,

 

Did you ever have difficulties with early morning panic awakenings / cortisol surges? I apologize if you've discussed it. I glanced through and didn't see reference to it but thought you recently mentioned using PS.

 

I'm glad you're doing so well.

[tezza]

Your posts give "me" hope.Lol. I can't type on my tablet.

I have the same problem on my tablet, Utah! I want to give everyone hope! I thought, for one year and eleven months, I'd never be able to feel like myself again. I had no hope for a long time and woke one morning like (almost) myself. It really does get better!

[tezza]

Tezza,Did you ever have difficulties with early morning panic awakenings / cortisol surges? I apologize if you've discussed it. I glanced through and didn't see reference to it but thought you recently mentioned using PS. I'm glad you're doing so well.

Thank you, Barb! Yes, I had cortisol spikes. I'd wake early with my heart beating SO hard and fast. I still do take PS. It has helped me significantly.

[Utahgal]

What is PS? My early mornings are terrible with anxiety surges.

[alex]

What is PS? My early mornings are terrible with anxiety surges.

 

Phosphatidylserine.

I use it too; look for "SERIPHOS"

I take 100mg bed time.

It helps lowering Cortisol levels.

[tezza]

Yes, Utah, Alex is right, it is Phosphatidylserine. I order it from Swansons, it's about $20 for 90 - 100mg. I've tried, twice, to leave it off but the "heated awakenings" returned on the third night each time.

[Rhiannon]

Just don't do like I did and buy TWO bottles of the Seriphos. I found it made me feel worse so I don't use it. Same with Lactium...sigh...

[Barbarannamated]

Just don't do like I did and buy TWO bottles of the Seriphos. I found it made me feel worse so I don't use it. Same with Lactium...sigh...

This is my concern because all of my cortisol testing has shown very low levels in morning with higher levels in late afternoon. Sorry for the tangent, Tezza.

[tezza]

That's ok Barb!

 

I've been taking PS for about 18 months, regularly. I can buy two at the time but I wouldn't advise anyone to get more than one of any supplement until they know how it affects them. I've done that with other supps. only to learn it was a waste.

 

I'm still having night sweats from leaving it off for a few days. BAD night sweats, like I haven't had since I was peri-menopausal. I thought I was through with that after I successfully weaned off HRT (after hysterectomy).

 

Well, if I must take SOMETHING, I'm sure PS is safer than HRT.

[tezza]

In August, I began feeling more like I'm supposed to feel. The dreadful, doom and gloom depression lifted. The incredible loneliness seemed to just evaporate. I was (still am) very thankful to God for the healing.

 

Throughout this horrible journey of WD, I had one dear lady that I could talk to about it. She, I and our husbands would go out to eat together about three times a week until he was diagnosed with cancer last November. We still went out to eat when he felt up to it.

 

It had already spread to his bones and lymph nodes by the time it was diagnosed. He had to change doctor's to get diagnosed. (His doc just kept giving him Ciprofloaxin.) He took 15 radiation treatments in September but last week the doc told them, his PS number had gone up again.

 

They were a uniquely, close couple. He's 80 and she just turned 74 in September. She began having severe pain in the center of her chest, accompanied by burping and reflux. The pain (she said) was made worse or started AFTER she ate or drank anything.

 

I talked to my friend several times Thursday. Around 8pm, I had a strong urge to call her but thought it hadn't been very long since we talked. The feeling wouldn't go away. Finally, about 8:45pm, I called and we talked until after 10. She wasn't hurting then and was to have an Upper GI Friday morning.

 

Friday morning, my phone rang early, she was gone. God knew I couldn't have made it in the condition I'd been in. Plus, he urged me to call her one last time, that was a gift.

 

God is likely getting ready to call her husband home and took her first because she couldn't handle losing him. He's lost over 60 lbs in the last few months and it was killing her to watch him go down like that.

 

I'm very sad but I know God has been good to me.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Tezza,

 

I got chills and tears reading your story, profoundly moved. Bless you!

[tezza]

Thank you, CW and God bless you, too!

[Barbarannamated]

Tezza...

 

I'm very sorry to hear this, but it is beautifully moving at the same time. You are so spiritually connected to people and were there for your friend when she needed you most.

 

Hugs, my friend. You are a gift!

[tezza]

Oh Barb, those words were precious to read! Thank you, friend.

 

Something else happened in August! I decided to see if I could locate my childhood best friend. I knew her last name would be different but looked for it anyway because it's not a common name. I located some relatives of her and had her phone number within a week.

 

She lives in a small town 90 miles north of me. Now, get this...my husband's company (construction, General Contractor) is sending my husband to THAT town in January to build a school.

 

My childhood best friend called me Sunday to say she had gotten home from Missouri and had bought two necklaces. One says "Best"and the other says "Friends". She wants me to pick the one I want.

 

We had not spoken to or seen each other in 40 years, until August. I haven't seen her yet but it shouldn't be long. I can almost see God's hand working in my life.

 

Hugs to you, Barb

[Altostrata]

What a beautiful coincidence, Tezza. She thinks the same of you, after 40 years!

[tezza]

Thank you, Alto :-) 40 years is a long time. We last saw each other when we were 15. We went through the adolescent years together.

[tezza]

Update:

 

I'm sure, now, there's an improvement in tinnitus after a Remeron cut. At 1.6 mg, I tried only a .1 decrement and it didn't help as much but when I cut .2mg, I get relief from tinnitus for a couple of days. On the fourth day, it's back. In the last two weeks, I've been tapering accordingly and have lessened the tinnitus.

 

I also seem to sleep better. I still wake during the night but not with a 'wide-awake' feeling. When I wake now, I still feel like it's night time, still a little drowsy and go back to sleep easier.

 

I'm beginning to believe the Remeron has gone paradoxical. I'm now at 1.2 mg and feeling hopeful that I will improve more when it's DCd.

 

The tinnitus came on while I was doing the long hold of Risperdal, so I've wondered how the taper would've caused it. I'm praying it will go away when I finish the Remeron.