Jump to content
tezza

tezza: risperdal withdrawal

Recommended Posts

Barbarannamated

Tezza

I'm a lover of Springtime also :-)

It doesn't get wintery here in SoCal but I do look forward to more daytime and spring and summer activities ~love baseball (watching) and the sounds of spring

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

Thank you Barb and Nadia. I wish all the good things for you guys too.

Share this post


Link to post
alexjuice

Hey Tezza,

 

I had problems with insomnia with risperdal indpendent of any other med. In fact, while I took it, I could not sleep if I did not take it. More than once I left my meds at my parents' house and went the night entirely without sleep -- I lived in a halfway house at this time.

 

During the taper, when I got down to 1mg, I experienced horrible insomnia. During this time, I reduced Effexor as well so... a mess of sleeplessness to the point of considering giving in.

 

Luckily, I stuck it out.

 

During those first months, I experienced horrible frights. My fear's trigger was delicate. Seeing violence or reading a bad news item -- could really upset me. Upset, as a word, lacks punch. Destabilize better describes what occurred. Even today I remain sensitive, though I am much, much closer to normal. Still, I am careful not to scare myself. I think you will be okay in time, just like I will. I read all the comments in your thread and I think you realize how important conservative treatment of a multi-med reduction must be. So it may take some time, and there will be temptations to try to get quick relief, but I hope you stay with the course outline.

 

I sometimes pray. I pray for the strength to resist temptation of short term relief, in my case this tends to have to do with gut distress, pain and then just FEAR. I pray for the strength to follow the good plan inspite of the temptations. And that helps me. Just the praying helps get my mind off the distress.

 

Lastly, isolating makes this deal hard. I've learned I need to reach out to other people. This isn't always possible when symptoms are worst but I try to do it when I am able. If you'd ever like to chat with me -- on the computer or phone, send me a PM and we can talk. I'm harmless and we can talk about whatever.

 

Hang in there tezza.

 

Alex

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

Hello Alex : It was so nice of you to share that with me. You described a lot of what I feel. There are times that I wish I could talk to someone and can't bring myself to call the few people that are available to me. They can't understand what I'm going through. I don't actually know how to PM; I'm not sure if it's because I use a mobile device(doesn't seem to show all options). Then there are times I can only pray and I hate to admit I'm slacking in that also. It really helps to know someone can relate to these feelings. I cannot watch the TV ads with the abused animals or the starving children, etc.

 

You are also right about the temptation to speed up the process but I must resist that. I also wish days would go by faster because I feel I don't have a lot to look forward to except to hope for sleep.I do have a decent night sporadically, for which I'm truly grateful. I must hold on to faith that this too shall pass. (Only God knows how long).

 

Why is it that the lower dose reduction, the smaller decrements are necessary? I don't understand that.

 

I also experience fear, it seems worse when I first wake. Like, negative thoughts pounce into my head instantly. No need to hope for more sleep then. Oh well, thank you so much for your concern and offer to help. We all need each other! :-)

Share this post


Link to post
spectio

Hi, Tessa, you are so brave, going through all this misery. Please hold on and really listen to alto and the other staff members. They've straightened me out on a few issues, like looking for answers in all the wrong places. Be careful of all medical and associated professional with whatever advise, test or supplement they may try to offer you. Most of them also don't have clue about the effects of these poisons and/or how to get off them safely. to answer your question on this early morning fear you're having. It is definitely a withdrawal symptom and boy, you're right. When you wake up to those awful thoughts and that gut wrenching dread, you're pretty much done with sleeping. The first couple of months I had the exact same thing. I learned to just get up and do something, even if it was to wash dishes or read the paper. Other times, when the house was cold, I would turn on the heat and let my cats in. They would all pile on top of me and purr in my ear or lick my hair until we all warmed up. It was a pleasant distraction. It really did help. Just remember, if you try to take this on one minute at a time, do some deep breathing when the anxiety is really bad, don't push yourself too hard, and learn to meditate, hopefully the "trip" will go smoother. We'll make it!

Share this post


Link to post
spectio

Sorry, Tezza didn't mean to misspell your name!

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

Hi spectio, thank you for your comments. I've always loved cats too. I'm so trying to hang in there but I don't feel very brave, quite the contrary. I feel so weak and tired. I get more depressed because I feel depressed. I feel like the others here, like you, are the strong and brave. Insomnia is one of the worst things. My heart breaks for everyone on this forum that suffers from these poisons. I hope I can be of help here in some way.

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

I've been putting this off but I can't any longer. I feel so down, worthless and nervous today. I almost think I want to disappear. I woke up @ 2am and ended up taking sleep aid and soma to go back to sleep for a bit. I don't know how long I can stand this. I'm not strong like all of y'all. I know everyone's hell is different but I am definitely the weakest link. I don't want to think 'cause all thoughts are negative or at least they end up that way. I try to talk myself into thinking good and happy thoughts but I end up back where I started. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM? I feel so stupid. Why can't I just be happy? After years of thinking otherwise, I finally believe my husband loves me, so why can't I just be happy about that? I have three beautiful children and three beautiful granddaughter's. I should be happy about that. I'm not homeless and I have food and I thank God for my blessings but you wouldn't know it because I can feel the unpleasant look on my face. I just want so badly to be happy inside. I know that everyone here wants that as well, but I'm such a crybaby. I can never bring myself to eat right. Usually don't eat till late afternoon or evening but I have always been this way about eating. I eat too much in evening and many times wake up in the night strangling from reflux, which is what happened last night. I'm so disgusted with myself. Please, no one scold me, I know I'm not doing right and am plenty hard on myself. The sun is shining and even that is not helping. I don't like myself! I'm a wimp! No one needs to use their energy to reply to this stupidity, I don't deserve any sympathy.

Share this post


Link to post
Barbarannamated

Tezza

I could have written that message about myself ~

I had a tough nite and was scrounging in my nightstand to find anything that might help ~ and then the other voice in my head is saying "aren't you supposed to be WITHDRAWING from these meds"

My eating habits are very similar and ~ intellectually ~ I know it's hurting me but most days I have coffee in the morning and might eat something for dinner ~when I read of the different diets and juicing that it seems *everyone else* is doing I think 'Im doing good to eat ANYTHING' how are these people doing this ~ i've never been a cook but I havent even been in a grocery store in months ~ I've had very little appetite for many years and I think it is due to the opiates and then more recently the Vyvanse (ADD med) although I was aware of that side effect and only lost a few pounds and monitored closely ~

 

I spend plenty o time feeling sorry for myself and then feeling guilty for the 'why me' feelings ~

 

You are not alone and not weak ~ I think that some people tend to withdraw from the board when going through hard times because it's just so difficult to do anything

Please don't beat yourself up~do as I say not as I do

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

We do have a lot in common, but I believe you are a lot stronger. I, too, live on coffee in the mornings. It used to be till 6pm or later. I'm just so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I used to tell others that happiness comes from within and I still believe that but don't know how to revive it.

Share this post


Link to post
Whatever

Tezza please don't call yourself a weak link. I was a real mess physicaly and emotionally when I went through WD.

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

How did you do it? You are so amazing. I admire you so. I have been thinking about you today and wondering how on earth you did it. I always try thinking about you when I get like this. Thinking about you gives me some hope.

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

I'm so scared, I am so so scared. I'm afraid I won't be back to whatever I was before meds. This whole day has been awful. Depression and anxiety has held me all day. I've almost been hyperventilating. I don't know what to do... It's getting close to bedtime and I've taken my nightly poison and it doesn't seem to be relaxing like it usually does. I don't know if I can handle this. I feel so lost.

Share this post


Link to post
Altostrata

tezza, you're going to be okay. You are already learning new ways to cope with these feelings.

 

Remember, they are inside you. No one else can see them. They are not the way other people see you, they are the way you see yourself.

 

We all have to learn to take it one step at a time, sometimes one breath at a time when things are very bad. Just breathe, slowly, in and out, when you feel bad. Take a little walk. Hug a tree.

 

And, guys, if you have sleeping problems, eating a good breakfast is the first step towards getting your nervous system back on track. This is no lie. A good breakfast with protein in the morning gives your body fuel to maintain its daytime hormonal cycle, and then its nighttime hormonal cycle.

 

Caffeine has a very long half-life and may well be affecting your sleep 16 hours later. The combination of not eating and caffeine makes the problem worse.

Share this post


Link to post
Whatever

I was writing in response to your post to me and missed your "scared" post and Alto's post. But hopefully this helps.

 

I don't know how I did it. I wish I had some plan or some tricks to get thru WD that I could share with all of you and save you from all of this. All I can say is that those drugs were ruining my life and I had no choice but to go through it. I was angry and anger gave me determination to survive.

 

It was so hard and for the first two months I didn't even know that what was happening to me was WD. I was frantically searching the Internet for explanations as to why I couldn't sleep, why I stopped having my period. I felt trapped in my body and mind and my body and mind was a torture chamber. 

 

And I didn't trust anyone to help. I was betrayed by doctors. I felt betrayed by my family.

 

In hindsight, I think that the only way I was able to survive through all that was by trusting myself. Since I could't trust anyone I had to trust myself if not life would be unlivable. And I wanted to live. 

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

Thank you Alto and Whatever. I'm sorry that it took me so long to thank you both. I'm just in a mode but I'm not sure what kind of mode it is. I don't feel as bad as yesterday and I slept better last night after the consolation. But I ended up taking sleep aid before going to bed. It has the same ingredient as Benadryl. Thank you...both of y'all!

Share this post


Link to post
Karma

Tezza

 

You are suffering neuro-emotions - I felt these when I tapered too fast and destabilized myself by trying to drop gabapentin (too fast) at the same time. I was chronically anxious and afraid for a period of time. My husband went hunting during that time and I was afraid to be alone. I thought dying was a way out, but then I felt guilty because I am the bread winner and I didn't feel I'd leave my husband enough to live on ... then I thought what if I live and we don't have enough to retire on ... what if people at work find out what I'm going through and I lose my job ... can you see how one negative thought feeds on another?

 

What worked for me was something I learned in CBT. I write down the negative thought and then next to it or under it I write a more rational thought. For example, What if I lose my job - If I lose my job I will find another job ... what if the new job doesn't pay as well - If the new job doesn't pay as well, we will cut back on things and make adjustments. I would continue until I had exhausted the negative thoughts. This prevented one negative thought from feeding on the previous thought and helped to settle me some.

 

If your negative thought is, "I'm worthless," then replace it with "I am one of God's children and therefore I cannot be worthless" or "I feel worthless, but that is just neuro-emotions, I brought three wonderful children into this world and that is proof that I am not worthless."

 

Ultimately, time will heal this. It did for me. But I did find that using the technique above helped to stop me from spiraling down.

 

Hope this helps

 

Karma

Share this post


Link to post
Nadia

I don't want to think 'cause all thoughts are negative or at least they end up that way. I try to talk myself into thinking good and happy thoughts but I end up back where I started. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM? I feel so stupid. Why can't I just be happy?

 

Tezza, I often feel this way. Often the things people write on here don't really show all the self-doubt we go through. I many times feel like the weakest link, and think I don't have what it takes to keep living. And also guilty about being miserable when I know my life, objectively, is OK (and people never hesitate to remind you of that). Don't beat yourself up! Happiness often has nothing to do with what you have and don't have.

 

I hope you find some peace, somehow, somewhere, and a way to spiral up instead of down.

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

Thank you Karma and Nadia: Both of you did say things to help me make some sense of these feelings. It always helps when you know someone cares enough to try and console you and you both gave me really good advice. You both know how I feel and I'm so sorry that you've both experienced these horrible feelings. I pray for everyone on this forum regularly. My heart breaks for ALL of us. God bless...

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

I woke up around 4:40 am with the usual dread and mild anxiety. Around 11:00 am I began to feel better than I've felt for quite some time. I feel more like my old self again, something I've longed for. Thank God!

Share this post


Link to post
Barbarannamated

Tezza --YEAH:-)

It's great to read those good reports --thanks for sharing

HUGS

Barb

Share this post


Link to post
Altostrata

Very good news, tessa. Where are you with your tapering?

 

Have you darkened your bedroom? Keeping out the light might reduce that early-morning anxiety.

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

Hi Alto: I'm at about 3/8 of a 1 mg Risperdal. I'm weighing with the Gemeni 20 lab scale. By weight I went from .088g to .078g (approx). The scale seems to vary just a bit. Like when I weigh, it may show .075g and then re-weigh and it may show .078. It's been a little over a week since I made that last small taper. I'm not still feeling as well as I did when I posted, but not as bad as I've felt at other times either. I used to cherish my alone time, but I don't like being alone now.

 

Yes, cool and dark for the bedroom. The only light is from the clocks. I'm waking some during the night, but usually can go back to sleep until around 5:30. I'm taking diphenhydramine and I think it helps. I can't deal with not sleeping. I don't know how others can do it.

Share this post


Link to post
Nadia

For me not being able to sleep has been THE worse part of all of this, for sure. I deal with it very poorly. Well, that and the dread/anxiety that goes with the waking up. If it was just not sleeping but I felt fine I guess I wouldn't mind, heh. But I don't know if that is even possible.

 

What I have noticed is that I deal a lot better with fewer hours of sleep than when all this started. I guess you get used to it somewhat. It's funny that if I sleep 6 hours now I feel like I got SO much sleep! Hahaha... that used to be "too little"... I used to think I needed 8 or 9. I still think at some point when my nervous system calms down that I'll have accumulated exhaustion to deal with, but I'm amazed at how I've been able to plow ahead. This is all so horrible, but somehow, one step at a time, we are getting through it! So good work so far, Tezza! No matter how weak you feel sometimes, the fact is you are being incredibly strong. MORE so because you're surviving through all the doubt and difficulty!

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

Thank you Nadia, but I feel so low sometimes, like now. It makes me wonder if I would be better off dead. I think I'm beginning to lose hope. Sometimes I am hopeful and then I wonder if I should hope at all. You guys are the strong ones. I just wait for each day to pass. I can hardly wait each day for bedtime because there is nothing in the day to look forward to anymore. I did have that good little window, but it's gone. (I was warned that it would go). I was only on Risperdal since April '11 and just don't understand how it has

messed me up like this. Sorry to be such a downer.I really admire the rest of y'all.

Share this post


Link to post
Altostrata

We're all simply putting one foot in front of the other, just like you, tezza.

Share this post


Link to post
Barbarannamated

Thank you Nadia, but I feel so low sometimes, like now. It makes me wonder if I would be better off dead. I think I'm beginning to lose hope. Sometimes I am hopeful and then I wonder if I should hope at all. You guys are the strong ones. I just wait for each day to pass. I can hardly wait each day for bedtime because there is nothing in the day to look forward to anymore. I did have that good little window, but it's gone. (I was warned that it would go). I was only on Risperdal since April '11 and just don't understand how it has

messed me up like this. Sorry to be such a downer.I really admire the rest of y'all.

 

Tezza

I have very very empty days also ~it's weird b/c I can't remember how I filled my time before and now the void is horrid •

I am miserable in the mornings --hating that I woke up to another empty day --then a little better as day goes on and better at nite •

I have to find something to fill my time b/c I know that even something simple planned gives a little structure to my day so I don't feel like I'm in freefall ~if only I could do what I know is best for me ~

It often seems like the rest of the world is so busy and I'm so NOT busy and bored crazy~and very lonely~

Strong is definitely not how I feel

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

That's a good description of how I feel too, Barb. I do only what I MUST DO each day. But, I'm afraid to plan to do anything either. I never want to leave the house. I've cancelled two vacations at the last minute. Woe is me....

Share this post


Link to post
Altostrata

tezza, those sad feelings are making your withdrawal more difficult.

 

Do what you can to distract yourself when you start to feel "woe is me." Try changing the channel.

 

You need to use your mind to manage your symptoms, not let them overwhelm you.

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

Thank you Alto- I have been trying that for the last few days. It does help some. I want to say that IMHO the people on this forum are the finest in the whole world. And you are appreciated SO much.

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

Would Black Cohosh help?

Share this post


Link to post
tezza

I asked my GP for liquid a few months ago. He explained about 1mg per mL and said that I couldn't do that. I will see him again on 2/9/12- I'll explain about water titration and hopefully he will agree.

Share this post


Link to post
Altostrata

tezza, you must insist on a prescription for the liquid. It sounds like he's not very interested in helping you.

Share this post


Link to post
Karma

Why did your doctor say you couldn't do liquid? You know you have the right to ask questions and make your own decision, right? Doctors are not gods ... I question my doctors all the time.

 

Ask him for the liquid again. Tell him you need the liquid to smoothly taper off of your pmed and insist that you are tapering off. If he says it is not for you, ask why. If he says insurance doesn't like it or something equally as lame, tell him you are the patient and you need the liquid to smoothly wean off your pmeds and you will have that prescription for the liquid or you will find another doctor. And be willing to find another doctor ...

 

Karma

Share this post


Link to post
Whatever

Perhaps you should bring a paper or an article on the subject. Show him that it can be done. Be insistent. Give him examples of the WD symptoms you are feeling. Tell him this method is a way to reduce the suffering.

 

With some doctors they just give in just to make the patient go away.

 

He sounds incredibly dismissive.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...