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Marmot
40 minutes ago, Kristine said:

She didn’t even have the courage to speak to me directly.  I thought she had my back. Obviously not. K xo

 

For you this is your life, for her this is just part of her job. What I know for sure though is that family and friends actually do care. 

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wantrelief

I think that is a wonderful idea to write a book......you could help so many people that way!  It turns your horrific experience into something positive which is beautiful.  You are an amazing person, my friend! Much love back - WR.

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Marmot

Ya, it would be great if you wrote about your journey. Make these issues known.

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Rosetta

((Kristine)). In my opinion, that psychiatrist should be too embarrassed to speak to you.  Consider it a sign of her mortification.  I know it hurts you, but remember that it's not a reflection of you or your worth; it's a reflection of her self-worth when she is reminded of how she failed you.  Sadly, very few people have courage in the face of that sort of thing.  She has a secretary to hide behind.  Well, fine, but it doesn't change the fact that she harmed you, and I'm quite sure she's very sorry for that.  Sometimes, we have to accept actions instead of words.  As much as we would prefer the "dignity" that having her speak with you would provide from your point of view, you are still getting the message that she feels embarrassed.  Your dignity is intact.  Maybe hers isn't.

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Carmie
20 hours ago, Kristine said:

Thank you @wantrelief for your support as always. Yes, it is unethical. I think for her it’s a matter of out of sight out of mind...hopefully I’ll just disappear. However, I’ve decided after I have stabilised and regained some of my cognitive function I’m going to being writing my biography about my experiences with pshychiatry, multiple Psychiatric hospitalisation’s, psychiatric drugs, polypharmacy multiply ECT’s, Psychiatric labels (in particular treatment resistant depression). In the hope that it will be published and help others. This has come about from my husband often saying “you have to write a book about this”. I think this is helping me put one foot in front of the other at the moment. Much Love to you my friend. K xo 💖

 

Hi Kristine, 

 

Nice to have you back. I’m sorry you’ve been going through such a hard time. Yes, definitely write the book, I would read it. I think writing the book would be very therapeutic for you and would benefit others too. I find journaling beneficial. I wouldn’t be able to write a biography though as I really don’t remember a lot of the things I went through, the different medications I was given etc. 

 

I too was in a psych ward a number of time n given ECT when there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. It was the medication that was causing all my symptoms, though I didn’t know that at the time. I thought there was something terribly wrong with me.  Doctors n pharmaceutical companies certainly have a lot to answer for.

 

Did you ever try using your weighted blanket again or did you continue to find it claustrophobic for yourself?

 

I’m sorry to hear how your psychiatrist treated you but it’s nothing new. They are pretty hopeless n can’t deal with the fact they might be responsible for the torture we go through. Just bury your head in the sand n all will be well is their motto I guess.

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

 

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Kristine
20 hours ago, Marmot said:

For you this is your life, for her this is just part of her job. What I know for sure though is that family and friends actually do care. 

Thank you Marmot, you’re right! K xox

20 hours ago, wantrelief said:

I think that is a wonderful idea to write a book......you could help so many people that way!  It turns your horrific experience into something positive which is beautiful.  You are an amazing person, my friend! Much love back - WR.

Thank you WR...something positive must come out of this experience 💖 K xo

9 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Kristine)). In my opinion, that psychiatrist should be too embarrassed to speak to you.  Consider it a sign of her mortification.  I know it hurts you, but remember that it's not a reflection of you or your worth; it's a reflection of her self-worth when she is reminded of how she failed you.  Sadly, very few people have courage in the face of that sort of thing.  She has a secretary to hide behind.  Well, fine, but it doesn't change the fact that she harmed you, and I'm quite sure she's very sorry for that.  Sometimes, we have to accept actions instead of words.  As much as we would prefer the "dignity" that having her speak with you would provide from your point of view, you are still getting the message that she feels embarrassed.  Your dignity is intact.  Maybe hers isn't.

Thank you Rosetta, thank you for this. I see you must have written this in the wee hours of the morning, your time, I’m sorry your weren’t sleeping. I’m sure she’s embarrassed. I think another issue is I have moved from being a “compliant” patient to a “difficult” patient. I was hoping to be able to work with her regarding education of AD withdrawal and psychiatric polydrugging (thought she was willing to learn and pass this info onto her colleagues)...oh well. I don’t need to see a psychiatrist anyway. 💖 K xo 

 

29 minutes ago, Carmie said:

Nice to have you back. 

Thank you Carmie, I am so sorry to read you were also given ECT. It is such a barbaric “treatment”. Makes me feel very sad that this is still happening to so many people. I haven’t tried the weighted blanket again, perhaps later when my skin eventually stops burning. K 💖 xo

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JanCarol

Hey K - 

 

On 11/9/2018 at 9:13 AM, Kristine said:

 I thought she had my back. Obviously not.

 

What they say to your face, and the sympathetic looks they make - are all strategies designed to get you to open up and share your darkest secrets with them, so that they can then pigeonhole you into a diagnosis and drug you appropriately.  Even the "good ones."  

There are a number of people here (and on Mad In America) who have requested their psychiatric records and were shocked to see what the doctor had said in the file, and how it differed from how they presented in session.

 

I wish I had a great doc in Tassie to recommend for you, but as you know, they are all pretty much in cahoots.  You are probably now a "non-compliant" patient...

 

Thing is - a GP will not be able to sustain a diazepam prescription for very long...they are very skittish about that.  My thoughts go out to you as you seek support for your journey.  You will need it - you need a prescriber.

Look what I just found on the Bio-Balance website:  

Dr. Sally Chapman

Intergrated Functional & General Practitioner.
272 Clarence Street
HOWRAH TASMANIA 7018 AUSTRALIA 
Phone: 03 61355805
Fax: 03 61355806
Website:http://www.healthchange.com.au
Email: wellbeing@healthchange.com.au

 

She may not be the answer - or maybe she can help.  I've found that these Bio Balance (called "orthomolecular" in the USA) often have their pet theories - maybe they are big on "detox protocols," or "environmental medicine" or "mould protocols" - the one I go to now is all about the gut biome, but she's also a keen researcher into methylation and other issues.  She still uses diagnostic words like "bipolar" and "anxiety" quite freely, but I keep correcting her and holding my ground that it was not bipolar, but methylation & thyroid, and severe medication errors....Her tests are expensive, but she can prescribe, and it's worth looking into.  Just hold your ground if she starts going off into "pet theories" that you believe might not serve you.

 

It's so good to hear your voice again!  (and yes, you must write a book!)
 

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Kristine

Thank you JC for your kind and wise words as always.

 

20 hours ago, JanCarol said:

There are a number of people here (and on Mad In America) who have requested their psychiatric records and were shocked to see what the doctor had said in the file, and how it differed from how they presented in session.

 

I intend to request my psychiatric records from my long term psychiatrist, the other bozo psychiatrist who put my on 14 different psychotropic drugs over a ten month period and my records from the five different times I was in a psychiatric hospital. I anticipate this will be a difficult process. Not worrying about this now, however, got too many other issues to deal with. 

 

20 hours ago, JanCarol said:

Thing is - a GP will not be able to sustain a diazepam prescription for very long...they are very skittish about that.  My thoughts go out to you as you seek support for your journey.  You will need it - you need a prescriber.


I know....I’m lucky that one of my close friends is a GP.  I’ve got options. 

 

20 hours ago, JanCarol said:

She may not be the answer - or maybe she can help.  I've found that these Bio Balance (called "orthomolecular" in the USA) often have their pet theories - maybe they are big on "detox protocols," or "environmental medicine" or "mould protocols" - the one I go to now is all about the gut biome, but she's also a keen researcher into methylation and other issues.  She still uses diagnostic words like "bipolar" and "anxiety" quite freely, but I keep correcting her and holding my ground that it was not bipolar, but methylation & thyroid, and severe medication errors....Her tests are expensive, but she can prescribe, and it's worth looking into.  Just hold your ground if she starts going off into "pet theories" that you believe might not serve you.

 

It's so good to hear your voice again!  (and yes, you must write a book!)
 

Thank you JC. I will do a little research on her. There is also the Gore street medical, where the practitioners take a more holistic approach to health care in Hobart (just in case any tassie people are reading)...https://www.gorestreetmedical.com.au/our-practitioners.  

 

Much love and  (((hugs)))) to you my friend. K 💖 xox

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Rabe

Hi Kristine!  You sound good...it is so good to have you back!!!  Continue to take care!!💜

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manymoretodays

Hey Kristine,

Catching up with your posts, here, and on Benzo t and r.

Yes.....keep up the spirit! 

I can't recall if you have a tub for soaking in at home.  And oh, I do remember when.......when even a bath I could not complete fully........I'd drag from tub to bed to kitchen and back.  Did a lot of television viewing and some reading/writing as I could.  And oh......the internets!!! 

And I feel like a miracle now most days. 

Cold to colder and daylight keeps shrinking here.  I may just splurge a bit and turn the heat up to 68 degrees, although I sleep well at 66.  FahrenheitAnd woah......the spelling looks weird.  It's getting late.  B)

And I've got to pick and choose between options/opportunities most days and weeks.  Self care, and certainly rewards, in those most awesome ways.  I don't know......the smile of a baby, the new puppy next door, the peace inside.  A new yoga place to check out.  An Inipi(sweat) next week perhaps.

So.......it goes well and well-er all the time.

Chamomille tea tonight, with a touch of (you guessed it) lavender.  Just a touch, mind you. 

All things in moderation.

 

Keep up your spunk (((((Kristine)))))).  It's good to hear.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

Edited by manymoretodays

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Kristine
23 hours ago, Rabe said:

Hi Kristine!  You sound good...it is so good to have you back!!!  Continue to take care!!💜

Thank you for popping by beautiful Rabe 💖 Much Love K xo

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Kristine

Hey there lovely MMT, Thank you for popping by, things have been tough but what’s new! 

17 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

I can't recall if you have a tub for soaking in at home.  And oh, I do remember when.......when even a bath I could not complete fully........I'd drag from tub to bed to kitchen and back. 

Interesting you should mention this. I haven’t been tolerating baths (with Mag) or showers very well lately due to burning skin. However, today I finally took the plunge into the Tasmanian ocean (9am). It’s 13.5 degrees Celsius at the moment (think that’s about 56 Degrees F. Cooooold. But oh so soothing for my burning skin. I paddled around for about half an hour. Running on the spot and doing some stretches. I had the beach to myself and my only company was two cormorant birds diving for fish and sunning themseves on the rocks. Beautifully peaceful. The pain in my muscles and skin burning has gone (still the usual muscular flu like pain), mood has lifted and my head feels lighter/clearer (still gone 3 hours post swim), the first time in months I have had some relief...anyway I’m going to force myself to do this everyday as a daily ritual. Must have situmlated my vagus nerve and I’m sure the natural magnesium in the sea water helped as well. 

 

17 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Keep up your spunk (((((Kristine)))))).  It's good to hear.

Lol. You’re the spunkiest 😉 

 

Love, peace, healing and growth straight back at ya! K 💖 xo

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Kristine
1 hour ago, Kristine said:

today I finally took the plunge into the Tasmanian ocean (9am). It’s 13.5 degrees Celsius at the moment (think that’s about 56 Degrees F. Cooooold. But oh so soothing for my burning skin. I paddled around for about half an hour. Running on the spot and doing some stretches. I had the beach to myself and my only company was two cormorant birds diving for fish and sunning themseves on the rocks. Beautifully peaceful. The pain in my muscles and skin burning has gone (still the usual muscular flu like pain), mood has lifted and my head feels lighter/clearer (still gone 3 hours post swim), the first time in months I have had some relief...anyway I’m going to force myself to do this everyday as a daily ritual. Must have situmlated my vagus nerve and I’m sure the natural magnesium in the sea water helped as well. 

Interesting.....https://neurosciencenews.com/swimming-depression-cold-9864/

“The report continues: Immersion in cold water evokes a stress response: a set of physiological and hormonal reactions that evolved millions of years ago to cope with a wide range of potential threats.

Animal attack, jumping in cold water and sitting an exam all elicit a similar response. Heart rate, blood pressure and breathing rate all increase and stress hormones are released. But if you immerse yourself only a few times in water of 15C or less, this stress response is reduced.  Professor Tipton and Dr. Massey have shown that the response to the stress of exercising at altitude is also diminished. This is called “cross-adaptation,” where one form of stress adapts the body for another. There is increasing evidence linking depression and anxiety with the inflammation that accompanies a chronic stress response to the physical and psychological problems of modern life.

Through cross-adaptation, cold water swimming may be able to reduce this chronic stress response together with the inflammation and mental health problems that affect so many people” 

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wantrelief
1 hour ago, Kristine said:

the first time in months I have had some relief

 

So very happy to read this, Kristine!!  :)

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ChessieCat
14 minutes ago, Kristine said:

 

Yes, interesting, but because there are at least 2 things changed at the same time it can be hard to know if it is the cold water or the exercise, or even being in the sunshine or fresh air.  It may be a bit of everything.

 

It doesn't matter, if it works, go for it.  Just make sure you use sun cream.  Some members have reported getting burnt more easily.

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Kristine
9 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

So very happy to read this, Kristine!!  :)

Thank you my friend, so far it has been a much better day. Thinking of you (((WR)))) much love K 💖 xox

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Kristine
7 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

Yes, interesting, but because there are at least 2 things changed at the same time it can be hard to know if it is the cold water or the exercise, or even being in the sunshine or fresh air.  It may be a bit of everything.

Couldn’t agree more CC, many factors involved...

 

9 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

It doesn't matter, if it works, go for it.  Just make sure you use sun cream.  Some members have reported getting burnt more easily.

Yes, my skin is much more sensitive to the sun lately. Thank you CC love and (((hugs))) to you. K 💖 xox

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Carmie

Hi Kristine, 

 

Nice to read you’re finding some benefit from your outdoor time, exercising, n enjoying nature n water.🌊

 

Sending hugs🤗

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Marmot
22 hours ago, Kristine said:

today I finally took the plunge into the Tasmanian ocean (9am). It’s 13.5 degrees Celsius at the moment (think that’s about 56 Degrees F. Cooooold. But oh so soothing for my burning skin. I paddled around for about half an hour.

 

So incredible to hear Kristine! 🤗

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Kristine

Thank you @Carmie and @Marmot for your messages, I went again today...another early swim. The hardest part is pushing past the physical pain, severe fatigue and lack of motivation just to get to the waters edge. Once I’ve dived in and I grit my teeth through the initial sting of pain from the chilly water...it’s like being transported to heaven. Love and hugs to you both. k 💖 xox

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Rosetta

How amazing.  I'm soooo glad you found something that gives you some relief.  I should try it.  The waters 65 here.  Quite warm for this time of year.

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Carmie
11 hours ago, Kristine said:

Thank you @Carmie and @Marmot for your messages, I went again today...another early swim. The hardest part is pushing past the physical pain, severe fatigue and lack of motivation just to get to the waters edge. Once I’ve dived in and I grit my teeth through the initial sting of pain from the chilly water...it’s like being transported to heaven. Love and hugs to you both. k 💖 xox

 

That’s wonderful Kristine that you’re continuing to find some relief from the water. You have brought a smile to my face tonight.

 

Wishing you many more happy times in the chilly water. Brrrrrr!😁🌊💚

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Rabe

Oh Kristine...SOOOOO happy the water is a window and not a wave for you!!!!!  That is a blessing and so courageous!! 💜

MY MIND!!!  I wrote this last night and is still here!!!  UGH!!!  I was and am thinking about you Kristine even though my mind doesnt work well!!

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Kristine

Thank you so much for all you encouraging words of support @Carmie, @Rosetta And @Rabe....day three now of taking the plunge into the icy water this morning. It’s really helping. Not just with the physical symptoms such as muscular pain, head pressure and burning skin but I’ve noticed to clears my cog fog/molasses brain a little (I dunk my head underwater many times) After I’m done I take a shower and then have to return to bed, but then I’m able to have a peaceful snooze...and I feel like at least achieved something. Much Love and hugs to you all. K 💖 xo

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Rabe

Hi Kristine...the cold is one way of stimulating the vagus nerve which may have something to do with how you feel after...or not.  But it is interesting to note the result of the cold swim.  Im just so happy to hear it helps and you like it so!!💜

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wantrelief

I am so very happy you've found something that helps with those awful symptoms!!  :)

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Kristine

Thank you so very much @Rabe and @wantrelief for your lovely messages. It’s interesting because I’ve been running cold water over my head whenever I’m in the shower (been doing that for over a year now). Helped a little with the cog fog. Last spring/summer I couldn’t make it to the beach because I couldn’t walk properly and was prone to falls (that was the serotonin sydrome period of time)...Just so very grateful now to have limbs that are able to operate effectively, even though they are weak and a still a little wobbly due to prolonged hibernation. Truly a blessing. I have so much to be grateful for  ...I just need to keep reminding myself just how far I’ve come. Much Love and (((hugs))) K 💖 xox

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Kristine

Just brought this over from my benzo thread, so I have a record of it here....

 

....I hit a bit of a road block yesterday and wasn’t able to make it to the beach. I was completely disabled by fatigue, muscular pain, joint pain and a very dark black mood, also Si. I isolated in my bedroom and slept on and off for the whole day. I probably needed it. Also slept 7 hours last night. I think part of the problem was the day before I had listened to a pod cast on Mad in America on ECT. I’ve been electrocuted 30 times in total. I know it triggered me and brought many negative emotions and horrible memories to the surface. I’m angry. And I’m not sure what to do with this anger at the moment....other than acknowledge it, give it space and move on to productive self care. Anyway, feeling marginally improved today and will try to make it to the beach for some ice cold water vagus stimulation. Just so very tired of dealing with this day in and day out for so many years. Sometimes I don’t even feel human. Battle fatigue. Much Love K xo 

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wantrelief

Hello my lovely friend - I am so sorry the podcast (understandably) triggered you and brought many emotions to the surface.  I hope you can get down to the ocean today and that it helps bring you some relief and peace.  I am, as always, amazed by your strength and courage.  Much love - WR.

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Kristine
1 minute ago, wantrelief said:

Hello my lovely friend - I am so sorry the podcast (understandably) triggered you and brought many emotions to the surface.  I hope you can get down to the ocean today and that it helps bring you some relief and peace.  I am, as always, amazed by your strength and courage.  Much love - WR.

Oh thank you WR for your beautiful message! I think of you often and wish you could have some peace also. I’ve been in a flood of tears today...it’s only 9am here. I have managed to put on my bathers but can’t seem to push myself out the door. Grrrrr. It’s also overcast and cold but I know I’ll feel better if I get in that darn ocean. The biggest of hugs and love to you my friend. K 💖 xo

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FarmGirlWorks

Oh man, @Kristine: sorry you're having a not fun time in WD. It's supposed to be fun, right? 😭  I empathize with you from the cloudy and dark northwest. Glad you got to sleep a bit... sounds like your poor body needed it.  Hope you can stimulate the vagus somehow; I've been doing cold rinses in the shower. It seems to help for a few minutes at least.

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Marmot

Remember the spoons Kristine? Maybe you've just run out of spoons! 

 

About the anger - it's totally justified. I'm so sorry about what happened to you with the ect. I'm angry too. I think that anger is the natural outcome of injustice, and that it's okay to have. I don't know what the answer is for it though because I get that it's also heavy and exhausting to carry around. Hugs!

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Rabe

Im so sad for that Kristine...perhaps there is something good in having those emotions rise to the surface....to be soothed by the water you have found to soothe your soul.  I hope so.  Your strength continues to touch me in so many ways!!  Much love and hugs to you!  💜

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Kristine
5 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Oh man, @Kristine: sorry you're having a not fun time in WD. It's supposed to be fun, right? 😭  I empathize with you from the cloudy and dark northwest. Glad you got to sleep a bit... sounds like your poor body needed it.  Hope you can stimulate the vagus somehow; I've been doing cold rinses in the shower. It seems to help for a few minutes at least.

Thank you dearest FGW, I think of you so much.  I did finally manage to make it into the ocean. I actually said out loud “f*** you withdrawal I’m going to the beach!” So I got that vagus nerve stimulated. I seem to have made friends with a cormorant bird who was diving for fish only 2 meters away from me. That was a lovely experience. Then it was back to bed...to be able to sleep during the day now is such a blessing.  Much Love and (((hugs)))K xo 

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Carmie

Hi Kristine, 

 

I’m sorry you didn’t make it to the beach the other day. I was just thinking if you’re finding the really cold water good for you n you’re too ill to get to the beach could you maybe have a cold bath. I know the water isn’t quite as cold as the ocean but maybe you could add a few ice cubes?

 

I don’t have burning skin like you but you inspired me to have a cold shower today. It was quite refreshing. It is warm 

here though. 

 

As regards ECT, it’s definitely barbaric. I was going through such severe withdrawals from being cold turkeyed by the doctors but I had absolutely no idea what was wrong with me as I knew nothing about withdrawals. I’ve never had anything mentally wrong with me but I thought there was something terribly wrong with me n my brain when I was going through withdrawals. I’m sure my medical records say I’m a nutcase because I became suicidal.

 

I ended up in the psychiatric ward twice for about a month each time n I was given ECT twice a week each time. Besides my illness and withdrawals I’m sure the ECT also contributed to my memory problems.

 

It was the akathisia that made me suicidal but I had no clue what it was, I thought I was going crazy n didn’t want to live.

 

I just wanted to let you know that I can really sympathise with you n being triggered by things. When I go into the city I go past a hospital by bus. Even though it’s not the same hospital I was in for psychiatric treatment I always felt really uncomfortable going past there. I had this feeling of being trapped. I did spend three months in hospital though as I got hit by a car and broke n fractured things from head to toe. 

 

Anyway, I have no problem whatsoever now. I no longer feel any strong emotion going past that hospital. What helped was fasterEFT. I still remember what happened but there is no longer an emotional connection to hospitals. Some people use the normal EFT but I like the FasterEft as it’s much easier n extremely effective. There are I think there are a few thousand videos on YouTube now. 

 

One of my friends is a practioner but I’ve also practiced it at home. It’s really effective. I must start doing it again, I’ve just been procrastinating.

 

Take care Kristine, Sending you hugs🤗

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Kristine
2 hours ago, Marmot said:

Remember the spoons Kristine? Maybe you've just run out of spoons! 

 

About the anger - it's totally justified. I'm so sorry about what happened to you with the ect. I'm angry too. I think that anger is the natural outcome of injustice, and that it's okay to have. I don't know what the answer is for it though because I get that it's also heavy and exhausting to carry around. Hugs!

Hey dearest Marmot :) Yes, the spoons! they are definitely in limited supply....I ran out yesterday but I think by allowing myself to really rest and sleep (particually today) has enabled a few more spoons to appear on my bedside table....I’m going to save them for tomorrow. 

 

Thank you for saying what you said about anger. You are so thoughtful and wise. Yesterday I let it consume me and that was unhelpful and damaging. However, from past experience, I know I have the ability to harness anger into a constructive energy...in this case hopefully become more active for change in psychiatry. much love and (((hugs))) K 💖 xo

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