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Kristine
13 hours ago, Benzhelp said:

Hi Kristine, 

 

I deeply sympathise for all the suffering you've been through. You are so courageous. I am happy you are finding things that help symptoms. Best of luck with your Tapering Journey. Wishing you Healing and speedy Recovery ❤️ Take good care of yourself <3 Love and Blessings ❤️ Safe gentle hugs (((((Kristine))))) ❤️

Thank you Benzhelp, for your words of support and kindness. Lovely to meet you, Much Love and hugs. K xo

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Kristine
10 hours ago, Marmot said:

I'm so glad you're home now and okay. This withdrawal is some crazy s***, nothing to be ashamed of. Thanks for posting about it. 

Thank you for your kind and supportive words dear Marmot, indeed it is some crazy s***. I must admit I didn’t want to post it about it at all. But it is part of my journey now. And this journey can be ugly. I just wanted to say I loved your lastest post on your thread. You write with such wisdom and insight. Much Love and hugs. K xo

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Kristine
39 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

I'm so sorry, Kristine. You've been very brave and come through a lot. All we can do is encourage you to hang in there, it's all iatrogenic, you're going to get through this.

 

Benzo use, as you know, is a two-edged sword. One side effect of benzos is depression, another is spells of breakthrough anxiety. Please focus on getting to the right benzo dosage and timing, keep strong for a benzo taper. You'll come out on the other side, but it's going to be hard work.

 

Go easy on yourself, adding self-blame to this doesn't help one bit.

Thank you dear Alto for your kind words and support, I really appreciate it.  I’ll do as you suggest and yes, self blame is fruitless and damaging. Much Love and hugs. K xo

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Kristine
10 hours ago, Shep said:

Kristine, I'm glad you are home safe. 

 

Please give an update over in your benzo thread when you feel able. 

 

Kristine: Protracted clonazepam withdrawal?

Thank you dear Shep for your kindness, will do...will be a few days though. Much Love and hugs K xo

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Rosetta

(A gentle hug). There is no reason for shame, Kristine.  The blame is not on you.  You are a wonderful wife and mother and always have been, but you are ill.  What caused you to be ill was not your fault.  You are very much loved and wanted.  I am so very glad your husband saved you.  I love you very much as do the rest of us here.  

 

Thank you for sharing your story.  The rest of us need to know so that we can help you reject that feeling of shame.  My heart breaks for you and what you must have been feeling when you made that decision.  Please know that I think no less of you.  In fact, I may think more of you that you shared that with us instead of hiding it.  It's important that you not bear that burden of shame alone and in secret.  Now, we have the chance to tell you there is no shame you should feel.  

 

Yes, Wantrelief, the blame and the shame lie elsewhere.  How dare they do this to all of us! with their sham studies and hidden results and outright lies!  Kristine, do not let them transfer the responsibility to you.  In hindsight maybe you see that you might have done something different, but we have no way of knowing if that would have been the right choice or not.  You were in a lot of pain and feeling much fear.  You did the best you could.

 

All my love, Rosetta

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Rabe
On 12/2/2018 at 10:55 PM, Kristine said:

Apologies for the crap update. 

You are a clear and beautiful light that shines beyond bright....to share all that you did so that others might better understand is an unbelievable act of courage and strength and acceptance and giving. Rather that you apologizing I would like to thank you for your honesty.

I have often said to my children along the way...sometimes God sends angels....I believe there are many here...bless you Kristina.  Please take care!  💜

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Kristine

Hey dearest @Rosetta I can’t thank you enough for your beautiful message. I am so grateful to be surrounded by people like you on this forum who have not judged me. When I read your message I started to cry. Not because I was sad but because you and others have reached out and truly understood and validated my experiences. I’m lost for words at the moment dear Rosetta. I’m just so very very grateful that you have entered my life. You give so much even when you are suffering so terribly yourself. Thank you just isn’t enough. Much Love and hugs K xo

 

Dearest Marmot, Thank you for the ❤️ I will keep it close always. Much Love and hugs. K xo

 

Dearest @Rabe you are such a kind and beautiful soul and as a said to Rosetta I also had a little cry when I read your message. Again not from sadness but from an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Again I’m lost for words. Much Love and hugs. K xo

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manymoretodays

Glad you are still with us Kristine. 

A lot of wise words above. 

And I appreciate your honesty.

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

It is sometimes through the darkest times, when the light moves in.

This too......WILL pass.

I'll take it to Inipi(hoping for one on or around the solstice), and hold you in my positive intentions ❤️

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Kristine
On 12/5/2018 at 4:35 AM, manymoretodays said:

Glad you are still with us Kristine. 

A lot of wise words above. 

And I appreciate your honesty.

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

It is sometimes through the darkest times, when the light moves in.

This too......WILL pass.

Thank you dear MMT,  Yes, wise words from many beautiful people here on SA. The light has shone very brightly indeed. I am so grateful. All I can do is move on and focus on the here and now. I have been practicing loving kindness meditation towards myself. Which is helping. Much Love and hugs. K xo

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Rabe

Oh Kristine...it is so good to hear from you!  Grateful to know you are feeling better!  You are so special ... I am so grateful for your gentle soul.  Rare and beautiful!💜

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Carmie

Hi Kristine, 

 

Just wanted to pop by n give you a million hugs🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

 

 

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Rosetta

Me, too.  I hope you are feeling less terrible now.

 

All my love, Rosetta

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Kristine

Thank you @Rabe, @Carmie and @Rosetta for your thoughts and kindness. I’m still plodding along. I am making it to the beach most days for a dip in the icy water but this is all I can manage. Other than that I spend most of my time in bed. Don’t even have the energy for basic household chores. I’ve had to make a choice...selfcare or chores....I don’t have the energy for both...but in time I will. Much Love K xo

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Carmie
10 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Thank you @Rabe, @Carmie and @Rosetta for your thoughts and kindness. I’m still plodding along. I am making it to the beach most days for a dip in the icy water but this is all I can manage. Other than that I spend most of my time in bed. Don’t even have the energy for basic household chores. I’ve had to make a choice...selfcare or chores....I don’t have the energy for both...but in time I will. Much Love K xo

 

Yes Kristine, 

 

Self care definitely has to be number one in this horror called withdrawals. Even more so when we are in waves and seem to just be in survival mode. Glad you’re getting to the beach. I went for a walk in the wetlands yesterday, so lovely being in nature.

 

Rest and do whatever you need to do to get through each day. At the end of each day give yourself a pat on the back for making through yet another day. We will get there even if it doesn’t feel like that at times. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

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Rabe

Yes Kristine....well deserved and needed self care!!!  Love and hugs!!!💜

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Marmot

I hear you like icy water Kristine... You should come visit us up north, we have lots of icy water right now 😁.

 

Btw, the geese left long ago, but the ducks near my home still aren't leaving. I thought they would have learned from last winter when the river froze over. Instead they just huddle together on the ice and tough it out, like little penguins.

 

Keep up with the self-care. It's so important ❤️

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Rosetta

Thinking of you.  I hope you are doing ok.  Those icy dips sound amazing. -Rosetta

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Carmie

Hi Kristine, 

 

Thinking of you. How are you doing? I’m glad you’ve been able to go for your icy swims. 

 

Sending hugs and sunshine your way🤗☀️☀️☀️

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Kristine

Thank you @Rabe@Marmot, @Rosetta and at @Carmie for your lovely messages. Can’t really write much due to ongoing symptoms. Daily cognitive impairment, sensitivity to stimuli, headaches/migraines and debilitating fatigue (the usual plus many more) are making this very particually difficult.  I’m not getting any worse, which is a blessing. Just years of ongoing suffering are adding to the battle fatigue.  I’m beyond exhausted. Waking in the morning is so hard when I realise that I have to do it all over again. Sigh.  Much Love K xo

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Rosetta

No worries, Kristine.  Staying off of the computer is probably best, but we are all thinking of you every day.  Hugs, Rosetta

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wantrelief

I am thinking about you, as always, my lovely friend.  Much love and lots of hugs - WR.  💗

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Rabe

Oh Kristine....just so good to 'hear' your lovely voice!!!  Take care of you!!💜

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FarmGirlWorks

So glad to hear your "voice." You are one tough woman!

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Carmie

Good to hear from you Kristine, 

 

All we can do is to take a moment at a time. Yes, mornings can be hard when in waves as the realisation comes to us that we have another day to get through. I just keep distracting myself during the day, and I change those distractions all the time. Hope you’re able to find things that distract you too. Hope that your icy swims are still helping too.🌊

 

Sending lots of hugs your way🤗🤗🤗

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Rosetta

Thinking of you, Kristine.  Merry Christmas, my friend.

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Carmie

Hi Kristine, 

 

I know you’re not able to write much but when you are up to it would love to know how you’re doing. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

Edited by Carmie
Added a word

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Carmie

Hi Kristine, 

 

Just checking in again to see how you’re doing.💚

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Kristine

Thank you so very much @Rosetta, @wantrelief, @Rabe, @FarmGirlWorks, and @Carmie for all your messages and ongoing support. I am so grateful.

 

My reasons for not updating and and writing on other threads remain the same. My symptoms continue and the ongoing debilitating fatigue in both my body and mind make writing meaningful posts impossible. I’m virtually bed bound and house bound apart from the daily 15-30min I spend in the ocean daily. This in itself is an epic venture but I feel it is essential for my survival.  Thinking to form sentences is strained...my thoughts hit road blocks and then the thoughts and sentences explode into fragments... where they are lost and seemingly irretrievable. Not sure if that makes sense but that’s how it feels for me. Body pain, burning skin, body temp regulation problems, cog fog, headaches/migraines, anhedonia (feel dead inside, no joy/pleasure in anything), DP, DR,  headaches, dizzy spells (this has improved a little) are ongoing. I am pleased to report however, that my sleep has improved, nighttime sweating has resolved, nausea has gone and I have only suffered a few brief episodes over the past few months and SI has also reduced in frequency. Thank goodness for small mercies. 

 

Thank you from my heart for everyone’s kindness and patience. Much Love and hugs to you all here on SA. K 💖

 

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wantrelief

I am so very sorry you continue to face so many challenges, my brave friend, but am heartened to hear of some improvements....that is very good news!!  Also very happy you have been able to continue your healing ventures out to the ocean.  I am thinking about you as always and sending you my love - WR. 💖

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Rabe

Oh Kristine...it is SOOO good to hear from you and know that you are seeing some improvements.  I am also so grateful to hear you have been able to continue getting to the water you love that is helping you to heal.  I think about you every day and hold you in my heart and prayers always!!  Continue to take good care of yourself!!  And please continue to keep us updated, ok?  Much love and many hugs Kristine!💜

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Rosetta

I'm so glad to see a post from you.  I don't PM you because I don't think you need the extra steps, and I don't want you to feel you need to respond, but I think about you all the time!  I'm glad the nausea and sweating are gone, and with sleep improved you should be seeing more positives.  I'm so glad you have the strength to take your cold water dips in the ocean.  That relief must be amazing.  

 

All ll my love, Rosetta

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Carmie

Hi Kristine, 

 

Nice to hear from you, thanks for checking in. I’m so sorry you’re struggling so much. I’m sorry you’re still virtually bed and house bound. I’m glad though that you’re still getting out for your cold water swims. I can’t read much at the moment so I can’t look back over your whole thread, but do you have CFS as well, or did the total exhaustion come with the medication? You may have told me before, but like you I’m struggling to think straight. I know some people ended up getting CFS because of the medication as it affects the central nervous system. CFS is also a CNS illness.

 

The water at the beach here in Queensland is a bit warm at the moment so I can’t do cold water swims. Even a cold shower isn’t really cold. I used to live in Germany for a little while when I was a teenager, the water there would be nice n cold. I was actually born in Germany, but I came over here when I was a toddler. 

 

Again, I’m really sorry you’re suffering so much, sending hugs🤗

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FarmGirlWorks
On 1/13/2019 at 4:31 PM, Kristine said:

the daily 15-30min I spend in the ocean daily. This in itself is an epic venture but I feel it is essential for my survival. 

I was in a cold swimming pool doing water aerobics this morning and thought of you in the Tasmanian Sea (I think that is where you're at). Water is healing, I do believe that. The cold water is not my favorite (yet). Thinking of you, @Kristine. NTMF!

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Kristine

Thank you @wantrelief, @Rabe, @Rosetta, @Carmie And @FarmGirlWorks for all your support and kind words. I know you are all suffering with your own WD so I appreciate so much you all stopping by. This journey is horrendous. My symtoms are currently even more ramped up than usual due to situational stressors. It’s complicated but I’m trying to keep my environment (ie my bedroom) as calm as possible. It doesn’t help that my husband is away and extended family do not understand the severity of my illness.....farmgirlworks...NTMF indeed...my daily mantra 😉

 

love and and hugs to you all. K xo

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Rosetta

((((Kristine))). I wish I had words that could comfort you.  All my love, Rosetta

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