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Kristine

Hello dear fighters, 

Update:

For the past 5 days I’ve been hit again with with dreaded trio of nausea, vomiting/dry retching and vertigo. It also coincides with a hypersensitivity to smells and when I force myself to make meals for the family (I don’t have a choice) it is a struggle just to stay upright. I know situational stressors have been ramping up my symtoms and my ongoing bone aching fatigue is worse than it’s ever been. I’ve been holding since the 30th of December, I’ve made no changes. Insomnia is returning. I’m practicing good sleep hygiene but can only fall asleep if I listen to calming podcasts or meditation. I’ll usually fall asleep around midnight but will wake around 3-4am. When I do sleep, it is not a deep sleep. I always feel like I’m on the cusp of consciousness. All the other daily symtoms continue (as written in a recent post). I haven’t lost hope but I’m feeling lost, fragile and terribly sad. I feel I’ve lost my identity and the DP anhedonia make this worse. However, perhaps the latter is a protective mechanism for my survival. I don’t know. 

 

Much Love and hugs to you all. K xo

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Rosetta

(((Kristine))). I'm sorry I have no words for you, only a big, virtual hug.  All my love, R

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wantrelief

My dear friend - I am so sorry you are experiencing such horrible symptoms.  Oh how I wish I could make this stop for you.  

 

10 minutes ago, Kristine said:

I haven’t lost hope but I’m feeling lost, fragile and terribly sad

This is a true testament to your strength, Kristine, that you can feel these feelings but still have hope.  

 

I am really hoping that once your husband is home and stress is decreased, your symptoms will not be as intense.  

 

Hold on my brave friend, you are amazing.

 

Much love,

WR 💖

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Carmie

I’m really sorry you’re struggling so much Kristine, 

 

Sending lots of hugs🤗🤗🤗🤗

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Kristine

 

Thank you @Rosetta, @wantrelief And @Carmie for your messages of kindness and support. Thank you for the virtual hug Rosetta - I needed it. A big virtual hug straight back to you from me 💖

1 hour ago, wantrelief said:

This is a true testament to your strength, Kristine, that you can feel these feelings but still have hope.  

 

I am really hoping that once your husband is home and stress is decreased, your symptoms will not be as intense.  

 

Hold on my brave friend, you are amazing.

Thank you so much WR, you are so giving and kind as always. I feel so mentally and physically depleted at the moment, so I am grateful for you recognising positive qualities in me that I just can’t currently see. My husband is due back in a few days and I’m confident that his return will ease some stress.

 

I read the following quote the other day by Desmond Tutu: Seems appropriate for many reasons. 

 

“There comes a point that we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and figure out why they’re Falling in”

 

 

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Rosetta

And who is pushing them in . . . Oh, wait, we know that.

You are truly amazing, Kristine.  That you can cook!  I have had the hypersensitivity/phantom smell issue, too.  Please never forget how strong and capable you are.

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Kristine
4 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

And who is pushing them in . . . Oh, wait, we know that.

Yep, we know 

 

9 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

You are truly amazing, Kristine.  That you can cook!  I have had the hypersensitivity/phantom smell issue, too.  Please never forget how strong and capable you are.

Thank you So much Rosetta,  💖 Last night I made a curry with bottled sauce (in my previous life I’d make curry from scratch) Chopped up chicken threw in a whole bag of frozen green beans, stir, lid on, rice in rice cooker! All the while I’m clutching onto the kitchen bench for dear life and feeling like I’m going to puke and the floor is tilting and the room is spinning due to vertigo. I’ve been doing my groceries shopping online and having it delivered. Feel like I’m living in some weird surreal unpleasant space. Think of you every day Rosetta. Much Love K xo

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FarmGirlWorks
2 hours ago, Kristine said:

“There comes a point that we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and figure out why they’re Falling in”

 ❤️❤️❤️

 

Also you are doing an awesome job, @Kristine. I read what you cooked while dizzy and nauseous and was like, damn she cooks better ill than I ever did well 🙂

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FarmGirlWorks
4 hours ago, Kristine said:

and the DP anhedonia make this worse. However, perhaps the latter is a protective mechanism for my survival. I don’t know.

Just took at kundalini yoga class called "Trauma and Recovery" and made the connection that anhedonia is a protective mechanism for the trauma we are experiencing in our bodies. Kind of like the "freeze" part of "fight" "flight" or "freeze." Until our brains/bodies get stronger, they "freeze" to the trauma inside. DP anhedonia does feel awful though...

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Kristine
18 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Also you are doing an awesome job, @Kristine. I read what you cooked while dizzy and nauseous and was like, damn she cooks better ill than I ever did well 🙂

Thank you dearest FGW, lol...seriously I just want to give them bread and butter and be done with it! 

18 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Just took at kundalini yoga class called "Trauma and Recovery" and made the connection that anhedonia is a protective mechanism for the trauma we are experiencing in our bodies. Kind of like the "freeze" part of "fight" "flight" or "freeze." Until our brains/bodies get stronger, they "freeze" to the trauma inside. DP anhedonia does feel awful though...

Thank you for sharing this FGW. It certainly makes sense. When I was nursing I saw many family members or patients go into shock  (freeze) after suffering trauma to either themselves or a loved one. The immediate circumstances were just too painful to comprehend or “feel”  so they would become despondent and retreat into themselves. I often feel like this. In a way it is a comforting thought that my body and brain is prehaps functioning in the way it should, to get through this horrible ordeal.

 

Much Love and hugs. k xo

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Rabe

Hi Kristine...that is interesting to read....I too feel nothing much of the time...which was never me.  It is hard to feel so empty but nice to know it may actually be a favor.  Thinking about you always, Kristine! Love and hugs!💜

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Rosetta

(((Kristine))). I'm hoping you rest well and feel better soon.

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Kristine
6 hours ago, Rabe said:

Hi Kristine...that is interesting to read....I too feel nothing much of the time...which was never me.  It is hard to feel so empty but nice to know it may actually be a favor.  Thinking about you always, Kristine! Love and hugs!💜

Thank you dear Rabe, I’m so sorry you have been going through even more difficulties of late, just know you are in my thoughts 💖 Much Love and Hugs. K xo

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Kristine
1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

(((Kristine))). I'm hoping you rest well and feel better soon.

Thank you dear (((((Rosetta)))), hubby comes home today after being away for six weeks, so I should be able to rest and hopefully improve a little. Much love and hugs. K xo 💖

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Carmie

Hi Kristine, 

 

Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you. Are you still doing the cold water therapy? 

 

Sending hugs your way🤗

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Kristine
16 hours ago, Carmie said:

Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you. Are you still doing the cold water therapy? 

 

Hi Camie, No I have been unable to make it to the water. Haven't been for about two weeks. Symptoms prevent it at the moment. Can't even make it to the mailbox. However, I will start again when I'm able. Take care. K xo

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Rabe

Hi Kristine...are you better since your hubby got home?  I hope that you have been able to get some rest and have even a bit of relief.  Thinking about you!!💜

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Longestroadhome

Hi K, it is good to read your latest updates as I haven’t been on the site for a long time. To me I can see many positives in your story  since I was last here, although you are still struggling. One thing you always had on your side was a strong resilience and good attitude. 

 

Keep fighting the the good fight with faith. There is light at the end of the tunnel 😘

 

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Carmie
On 3/12/2019 at 9:03 AM, Kristine said:

Hi Camie, No I have been unable to make it to the water. Haven't been for about two weeks. Symptoms prevent it at the moment. Can't even make it to the mailbox. However, I will start again when I'm able. Take care. K xo

 

Hope you’re able to get out and about soon Kristine, so that you can get to the water. Is the water cold where you are though? The water is warm here in summer where I live. You hardly have to turn on the hot  tap to have a shower. I had a bath the other day (the first one in forever, I always shower) and I didn’t have to even turn on the warm water, it was warm enough. I won’t be able to do any cold water therapy in my bath or shower. 🛁🚿

 

I hope you get a little strength back soon so you are able to walk to the letterbox. I’ve been in bed heaps too, but I’ve managed to get out and socialise as well. 

 

Do you distract yourself with Netflix or DVDs? I’m going through a major period drama binge. Watching Larkrise To Candleford at the moment, then I’ll watch Charles Dicken’s Little Dorrit and Bleak House. I’ve got other period dramas here too, I’ve got enough to keep me going for ages. I just ordered Wives And Daughters too, and I’m getting North And South. I should have square eyes soon. 😄

 

Are you still getting the burning skin, or has that settled a little?

 

Take care, sending hugs🤗

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Kristine

Thank you dearest @Rabe, @Longestroadhome and @Carmie for your lovely messages. Unfortunately, I'm dealing with yet another health issue and will require surgery this week. I'm very sick and trying to deal with this on top of withdrawal is almost unbearable. 

 

Thinking of all of you here on SA,

Much Love. K xo

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Rosetta

((Kristine)). I hope the surgery makes everything a bit better. -Rosetta

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FarmGirlWorks

Oh man: that's a lot. I hope the surgery goes well and recovery is fast. Remember, you got this, @Kristine!

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Carmie
22 hours ago, Kristine said:

Thank you dearest @Rabe, @Longestroadhome and @Carmie for your lovely messages. Unfortunately, I'm dealing with yet another health issue and will require surgery this week. I'm very sick and trying to deal with this on top of withdrawal is almost unbearable. 

 

Thinking of all of you here on SA,

Much Love. K xo

 

Hope all goes well with your surgery Kristine, Sending hugs and sunshine your way🤗☀️☀️☀️☀️

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Rabe

Oh Kristine...holding you in thoughts and prayers and heart!  Please let us know how things go!!!💜

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Longestroadhome

Sending my love 😘

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Carmie

Thinking of you Kristine, 

 

Have you had the surgery yet? Sending lots of hugs🤗🤗

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Rachellynn

thinking of you

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Kristine

Thank you dearest @Rosetta, @FarmGirlWorks, @Carmie, @Rabe, @Longestroadhome (Was so happy to see you posting again! I've missed you) and @Rachellynn for all your kind messages. Yes, I've had the surgery two days ago (20th)...a cholecystectomy. It's been rather brutal but I'm glad it's over and I've jumped over yet another hurdle. 

 

Sending love to you all, K xo

 

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Rabe

Oh so grateful to hear it all went well Kristine!!  Take good care of yourself!  Thank you for the update!  Have sure been thinking about you! Love and hugs!💜

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Carmie

Yay for jumping another hurdle Kristine💚

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Kristine

Thank you Dear Rabe and Carmie for your messages.

Update: I've had some complications post surgery and had to spend a further three days in hospital via ER. I'm back home again. It has been a struggle to say the least. Especially traumatising when doctors were not taking me seriously about administration of drugs (ie. antiemetic's and analgesia) which have a major drug interaction with fluoxetine. Sigh. More on this later...don't have the strength at the moment...it's a long story. Love to you all. K xo

   

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marconyc

Just read your intro post. I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. It breaks my heart. And we are often told that withdrawal isn’t even real. You are incredibly strong. 

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Kristine
5 minutes ago, marconyc said:

Just read your intro post. I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. It breaks my heart. And we are often told that withdrawal isn’t even real. You are incredibly strong.

Thank you Marconyc for your beautifully kind message, it is lovely to "meet" you...my journey has been debilitating but I find there is still hope and I am optimistic about the future. Much Love. K xo   

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Carmie

I’m sorry you had post op complications Kristine, 

 

I hope you recover soon💚☀️

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Rosetta

((((((((((Kristine))))))))))). I have no words, just a great big hug.

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FarmGirlWorks
On 3/25/2019 at 6:21 PM, Kristine said:

my journey has been debilitating but I find there is still hope and I am optimistic about the future. 

And that is exactly what stands out in all your posts, @Kristine. Unshakable, brave, and optimistic. Please keep us updated as you feel better. NTMF.

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