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Frogie
9 hours ago, Kristine said:

Oh Frogie...Isn't it awful :( of all my symptoms I find it so difficult to tolerate.

Take Care. K

I'm really sorry.

 

I get a lot of nausea, anxiety and headaches.

 

But im really sorry you are going through all of this.

 

I'm going out of town this weekend, getting ready now.

 

I'll check with you when I get back.

 

Hang in there and take care of yourself.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

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RachelSusan

Hi Kristine,

 

I know what it's like to lay on the bathroom floor for hours at a time.  I think I know every tile of my bathroom floor way to well for my liking. The tiles are cool though and places us close to the toilet.

 

You mentioned Vitamin B.   I just finished reading something about that here on this site, you may want to take a look, here's the link:

 Also you talked about sugar.  I too have thought that perhaps my withdrawal symptoms got worse when I ate a lot of sugar, but I don't know if it coincidence or not.  I would love to hear from you, or anybody else,  if they eat a lot of sugar and notice an uptick of symptoms.

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this horrible withdrawal.

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JanCarol

Hey K!

Page two of your thread - 

 

On 10/12/2017 at 12:01 PM, Kristine said:

 Strangley, I have completely lost my ability to be creative (particularly over the past 3 months), could this be the Fluoxitine? I used to draw, paint and cook as a creative and calming outlet.  It is like feeling dead inside but hypervigilent at the same time.  I'm in a constant state of fight or flight.

 

Could be Fluoxetine, could be withdrawal.  

Anhedonia Apathy Demotivation  is very common in withdrawal.

 

I didn't even know I had it while I was on the lithium, until I started to go off it.  The lithium gave it to me, and the withdrawal brought it out so that I was overwhelmed with it.  It was total.

 

Another way to look at it is the call for Deep Rest in order to heal:

Jeff Foster - From Depressed to Deep Rest  

 

NZ's advice to be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself is wise!

 

On 11/12/2017 at 1:59 PM, Kristine said:

what are people's thoughts relating to neurologists? Do they understand w/d?  The last time I saw my psychiatrist (11th November 2017) she sent me off for an brain MRI and referred me to a neurologist.

 

I know of at least one person in the USA who found a compassionate neurologist.  The neurologist said to her, "You are overdrugged," and then later told her she was never "mentally ill," that it was all drug effects.  (Aria - she has an intro thread and a success story). 

But - I've found that most medical professionals WON'T TOUCH psych drugs with a 10 foot pole.  Meaning, if you are on them, there must be a "good reason" (ugh!) for it.

 

Example:  opthalmologist - I had some retinal tearing.  (that's tear as in rip, not tears as in cry)  I asked him, "what could cause that?"  At first, he didn't want to say anything, something like, "we don't really know"  (oh I hear that way too often!)  He said something about chronic dehydration, and I said:  "So if my kidneys are compromised by lithium, that could cause this?"  He hesitated.  You could see him weighing in his mind if he wanted a stark raving bipolar going off her drugs based on what he said.  He did admit, reluctantly, that this could be the case.  But - he didn't want to.

GP's, same.  I have a friend who is diagnosed with chronic brain damage from neuroleptics.  Diagnosed, and they have offered her support for her brain damage.  But they wouldn't DREAM of reducing her neuroleptics.  After all, that's crazy!  And nobody wants to see crazy.....

So - I make it a point to tell professionals that I did a 2 year taper of lithium (they especially get nervous around lithium, as a loose bipolar can be pretty scary), and that I've been off it for 2 years, and much better, thanks.

WIthdrawal can look like a neurological disorder.  You've been in chronic withdrawal for - decades now.  If you go to the neurologist, you might take your drug history, hand it to him, and say, "could this cause this?"  Don't say anything else, don't talk about tapering or anything "antipsychiatry" until you see his reaction to that.

 

Here's a list of symptoms (maybe Gridley gave you this one, but it's a good one, I still refer back to it a lot) that are common in withdrawal:  Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's Most Common symptoms of Withdrawal.  You will find muscular problems, headaches, anhedonia, cognitive & motivational problems - pretty much everything you've mentioned here.

 

On 13/12/2017 at 10:49 AM, Kristine said:

Hi FarmGirlWorks, I'm confident we will both get back our creativity and you will return to graphic design

 

I might even extend that to say - it may be better than it ever was before.

 

We went on the drugs for a reason.  That reason usually hampers creativity.

 

When you come out the other side of something like withdrawal (intense!) or even years of struggling with drugs (that's me) and chronic illness (that's me too) - then - the simple blade of grass or that patch of blue in the sky can seem like an absolute miracle!

In the face of that, your appreciation for beauty and life are so expansive, that you will want to act on that appreciation creatively.

 

I reckon it's better than it ever was before (even if my digital manipulation was better before the drugs).

 

On 15/12/2017 at 6:58 PM, Kristine said:

.got biopsy results...all clear

 

Excellent news!  One less thing to worry about, though endo (and it's resulting pain) is challenging at best.

 

On 16/12/2017 at 3:51 PM, Kristine said:

Had a big window open yesterday. Hardly any symptoms at all!  I even watched a movie with the family and pets without feeling panicked or irritable! Such a wonderful feeling! Today is not so good, mainly muscular pain, headache, anxiety and feeling flat.  Anyway, I'm just so greatful to have experienced yesterday ☺️

 

This is terrific!  And you WROTE about it!  Sometimes we get in the habit of writing about the bummer things, and forget to write about the good things.  So now, when you are having a bad day, you can go back and look and see - there were windows.  It comes in windows and waves.

in fact, I've come to the conclusion that LIFE comes in windows and waves - but it's not as hard as withdrawal.  It helps to remind myself - oh look, another wave.  I'm alive!

 

Here's a great video I found on recovery.  It's from an eating disorders perspective, but surely applies:
 

 

 

On 16/12/2017 at 3:51 PM, Kristine said:

 I'm sure we all would have been much better off if the money that was spent on these medications and doctor visits went towards multiple holidays somewhere tropical! K.

 

Brilliant!  (my own British word....)  Enough of us, we could buy our own tropical island!!!!

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RachelSusan
6 minutes ago, JanCarol said:

But - I've found that most medical professionals WON'T TOUCH psych drugs with a 10 foot pole.  Meaning, if you are on them, there must be a "good reason" (ugh!) for it.

@ JanCarol

I have read a lot of really great posts here on SA. But this goes beyond great.  So true. So amazing. 

Thank you.
RS

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Junglechicken

Kristine, I've read your story .... wow.

 

You're in good hands here, and I can say I've developed a bond with people on this forum.

 

But we're all here for the same reason..........those damn drugs.

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JS11
14 hours ago, Kristine said:

That's a great Winton Churchill quote. Short and concise 🙂

Lol...Australian's are renowned for their slang!  interestingly the slang words and phrases uses, and the accent, differ depending which state you are in.  I live on the little island at the bottom...Tasmania (beautiful)...but I have lived all over Australia.  It is the 5th and the time is 3:40pm.  You live in a stunning location.  I think it helps being surrounded by natural beauty.

Cheers K

 

Yes, I do live in a beautiful place and natural beauty is so very helpful although it is a grim and overcast one today, at least I am not experiencing the plummeting temperatures that many in the good ole' U.S. of A. are.  The only thing I know about Tasmania is of course, the Tasmanian Devil, which was a favorite Looney Toons cartoon growing up.  Always made me chuckle.  I find that I feel just like that some days too.

As with slang, I did also have Kiwi flatmates who explained the way to tell an Aussie from a New Zealander, was to listen to how they pronounced the word, "egg."  Rather like with Canadians and Americans I suppose.  House and about are two linguistic red flags for nationality.  

 

I read your post about Vegemite.  Tried it once.  Ummmm,  very veggy.  But yes, I think you guys are addicted.  It must be some nationality thing.  

 

It is an interesting point you make about the B vitamins.  I have found that I have become extremely sensitive to many things.  I get a slight headache after eating a certain food, mostly if it is something packaged with all those preservatives thrown in. Maybe I was sensitive before and the medication just covered it up.  I don't know.  

 

How are you doing this day or night or whatever time it is Down Under?  Well, I am hoping.  

 

take care,

JS

 

 

 

 

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Kristine

Hi JanCarol,  Thank you for all the time and effort you have invested...reading my thread and all your comments thus far.  To be honest I'm a little overwhelmed. I guess all I can say is thank you, once again.  I have been reading your beautifully written life story.  You are so brutally honest and this is a quality I admire so very much.  Like you I have lead a complex and colourful life.  I'll write about it all someday but I know I am too fragile at the moment to rip off the wounds which will inevitably cause emotional haemorrhage.  I know that when I am eventually drug free, I will be hit with the full force of a lifetime of emotional trauma.

 

10 hours ago, JanCarol said:

That's an Aussie speaking, for sure.

 

I recommend you consider stopping your nightly glass of wine.  I mean - you're doing great, but do you want to tempt fate?  It hits on the GABA receptors, the same as your benzo, and cutting out the wine is going to improve your healing time.  I know it's not excess - but - these are neurotransmitters we're talking.

 

I know - leaving life's pleasures behind is hard (oh how I miss bread!!!) but once you start to see benefits it becomes easier.

It is likely a temporary adjustment and in a few year's time, a glass will go down quite nicely.

Oh dear,  that comment didn't get past the goal keeper! Sprung!!! Your right, I know your right.  MMT is right. Bugger.  I haven't had any wine of late because of the nausea. Another member Staz recently gave up beer, so I should follow his lead.  

10 hours ago, JanCarol said:

:D That's much better than my psychiatrist (who I thought was exceptional, but yours sounds better).  She is doing psychiatric acupuncture, mindfulness (she loves Jon Kabat-Zinn) and is a great listener and good at thinking about alternatives - but 

When I printed out Will Hall for her, and a summary of the Icarus Guide - she said, "Who is this?  He's not a doctor!" and completely dismissed it!  Well, I couldn't find a "study" (heck most of them are corrupt) or doctor who presented the 10% tapering plan...so I had to give her an ultimatum.  "We've been together 10 years," I said, "and I will do this.  I'd rather you be involved, but if I must, I'll find another."  She caved to my bullying, and reluctantly supported my tapers, clucking her tongue the whole way!

I'm trying to catch up - you arrived in December and - wow, I'm 5 pages behind already.  Please be patient, I'm the slowest mod.  Your writing is clear and profound.  You will do well.

 

I hope you see the sun today!  (that was one of my p-docs best suggestions)

My psychiatrist is also a Jon Kabat- Zinn fan 🙂 She regularly goes off on Buddhist retreats and comes back sharing her latest meditation techniques.  From my experiences,  I try not to lump all psychiatrists into the same basket.  I also believe it is much more beneficial trying to go through this process with the help of a psychiatrist (if they are supportive or at least somewhat open minded) so they can benefit and learn from the experience themselves.  This is one way change will happen.  A "us" and "them" attitude,  in my opinion, will only prolong the process of change.  The stakes are too high.  I would prefer to work from the inside out...because this isn't just about me.  Hopefully her other patients will benefit.  My psychiatrist has already seen the damage done by my polypharmacy and abrupt withdrawals.  She had sort a second opinion...her colleague, took over my medication management for nearly a year...he's an idiot.  It is difficult trying to navigate this path.  I got rather snappy with nz11 (I was very irritable at the time) surrounding this topic.  I think I may have hurt his feelings...this is still bothering me.

 

It is hot, windy and overcast in Tasmania today...but the weather has been perfect.  Trying to soak up that vitamin D!

 

Thank you JC (lol was that deliberate!) Cheers. K 

 

 

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Kristine
On 05/01/2018 at 9:58 AM, Downbutnotout said:

I hope you feel better soon! This sounds si painful. You must be made of some very strong stuff to withstand it.i don’t know how you do it. 

Thank you DBNO, I need some encouragement at the moment.  Not feeling very strong...but thank you for saying so 😊 K

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Downbutnotout

Oh, you’re welcome. I predict you will me a moderator in no time, and you will overcome all of this. Mostly, because your spirit is so big, and your ability to be so compassionate and attract people to you. You are one of those special people. 

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Kristine

Thank you RS,  The nausea/vomiting is such a struggle...add on all the other side effects and w/d symptoms and there's is literally no choice is fall in a heap. Even if it is the bathroom floor.  So sorry you have been there many times as well.  

 

11 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

 Also you talked about sugar.  I too have thought that perhaps my withdrawal symptoms got worse when I ate a lot of sugar, but I don't know if it coincidence or not.  I would love to hear from you, or anybody else,  if they eat a lot of sugar and notice an uptick of symptoms.

 

My anxiety/agitation/akathisia and pain increases dramatically with increased sugar intake...I'm talking the processed form.  I'm all good with whole foods such as fruit.  I don't think it is a coincidence.  But I'm no expert, just looking at my own experience. 

 

Thank you so much for the link on Vitamin B.  I hadn't read that and it made so much sense to me.  Sometime the wealth of knowledge and information on this site, is a little overwhelming, especially when one is experiencing fog brain.  So I really appreciate this 😊

I hope you are experiencing some windows RS and any waves are brief. K

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Kristine
6 hours ago, JS11 said:

The only thing I know about Tasmania is of course, the Tasmanian Devil, which was a favorite Looney Toons cartoon growing up.  Always made me chuckle.  I find that I feel just like that some days too.

He was a entertaining character!  Sometimes I morph into that character 😞 The Tasmanian Devils have been facing a health crisis over the years.  A facial tumour disease which has more than halved the population.  Thankfully, a population is being bred on Maria island.  However, campers have been warned not to leave their hiking boots outside their tents because the little devils have acquired a taste for them!

7 hours ago, JS11 said:

t is an interesting point you make about the B vitamins.  I have found that I have become extremely sensitive to many things.  I get a slight headache after eating a certain food, mostly if it is something packaged with all those preservatives thrown in. Maybe I was sensitive before and the medication just covered it up.  I don't know. 

Are you able to list any foods you think may be a culprit? I know chocolate and Chinese food aggravates my cns (possibly soy sauce/MSG). I don't know either. K

Thankfully today is a little better but we are being hit by an intense heat wave!

Cheers. K

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Kristine
11 hours ago, RachelSusan said:
12 hours ago, JanCarol said:

But - I've found that most medical professionals WON'T TOUCH psych drugs with a 10 foot pole.  Meaning, if you are on them, there must be a "good reason" (ugh!) for it.

@ JanCarol

I have read a lot of really great posts here on SA. But this goes beyond great.  So true. So amazing. 

Thank you.
RS

Couldn't agree more RS,  packed full of invaluable information and experiences.  JanCarol is one remarkable lady. I have been reading her story which has a beautiful honesty and grit woven into her words.  Very moving. I'd suggest a peek if you haven't already. K

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JS11

Oh my gosh, the poor little guys.  I am glad someone is trying to save them.  Good for them!I  Hmmm, devils eating hiking boots.  Definitely, NOT a problem where I am from.  

 

I have found that I am not able to tolerate Magnesium in the liquid dissolving form.  I believe the brand here is called calm.  Which is a pity as I would suck down that stuff with wild abandon if I could only alleviate that nasty anxiety.  I had a bottle of Mag. Citrate, which worked well at first, but it had some additional substances rolled in with it and I was very scared of any additional reactions.  I am reluctant to try another vitamin pill as they take so long to leave your system and I am rather terrified of  having an adverse reaction which I did to one dose of an anti-biotic, about a year ago. Absolute horrors.  

 

Yes, I think to Chinese.  Had some recently which I thought was MSG free but got a headache right after and I rarely get headaches, so I blamed that.  Some of packaged mixes.  Do you know what a Sloppy Joe is?  Minced beef, throw in some tomato sauce and a little package with so many little ingredients listed in fine print to preserve the sucker till the dawn of time. Smother on hamburger bun.  Headache from that stuff as well.  Ah, to be one who whips up meals from scratch.  Not going to happen here.  

 

So, not really a lot of specifics.  Just notice a headache now and then and assume it must be from an additive.  I am trying to stay away from those things and be healthier, but sadly, I am not always successful.  

 

Scorpio can't do chocolate either.  So sad.  I am trying not to indulge often but some days, I just must.  

 

Glad your day is a little better.  That's right, it is your summer isn't it.  Forget those things.  I wilt in the heat.  I am all the nationalities that don't get along or tan well either.  I fry.  Does the heat exacerbate your symptoms?  Hopefully not.  Most of the states are being walloped by a cold front.  It is a little above freezing here, so a heat wave in comparison.  I drive a very old VW and have to scrap the inside and outside in winter, so I am happy it has thawed a bit.

 

Oh, I also know the song about the "Big white boomers, snow white boomers,"  Well, that is all I can remember, about the kangaroos who pull Santas sleigh.  So like that stuff.  I assume that is for all of Australia rather than just parts.  

 

take care, Kristine.  And here's to continued improvement in all those symptoms.

JS

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Kristine
2 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

Oh, you’re welcome. I predict you will me a moderator in no time, and you will overcome all of this. Mostly, because your spirit is so big, and your ability to be so compassionate and attract people to you. You are one of those special people. 

Hi DBNO,   Thank you again for your kind words and support ☺️ I don't think I'm moderator material, but very kind of you to say so.  I have seen and experienced tremendous suffering throughout my life...this lead to various career roles, centred around caring for others.  I have a very strong 'social conscience' which brings out a fight in me whenever there is injustice.  However, I am also sensitive and I wear my heart on my sleeve. This has been a double edged sword for me. K

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Kristine
4 hours ago, JS11 said:

I have found that I am not able to tolerate Magnesium in the liquid dissolving form.  I believe the brand here is called calm.  Which is a pity as I would suck down that stuff with wild abandon if I could only alleviate that nasty anxiety.  I had a bottle of Mag. Citrate, which worked well at first, but it had some additional substances rolled in with it and I was very scared of any additional reactions.  I am reluctant to try another vitamin pill as they take so long to leave your system and I am rather terrified of  having an adverse reaction which I did to one dose of an anti-biotic, about a year ago. Absolute horrors.  

It is extremely difficult to navigate what is causing what.  One small change at a time.  I'm still not sure about the mag. I didn't have last nights dose or any today.  However,  I've been nauseated all day....so I'm fairly sure this is all w/d related.  It's interesting you mention an antibiotic. This seem another common issue on this site 😞 

 

4 hours ago, JS11 said:

Do you know what a Sloppy Joe is?  Minced beef, throw in some tomato sauce and a little package with so many little ingredients listed in fine print to preserve the sucker till the dawn of time. Smother on hamburger bun.  Headache from that stuff as well. 

I've heard of them but never tried one! The name makes me laugh.  I think any of those packages (like the taco mix) are so full of unknowns and are best avoided.  Problem is, it is so difficult to maintain a healthy balanced diet when appetite, energy, finances, isolation, transport issues and creativity are effected so profoundly.  One of my passions was cooking elaborate meals for family and friends.  I just can't do it anymore.  That makes me feel sad.  Hoping that will return.

 

I am hoping you have had a restful sleep and your day is a beautiful window. K

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Kristine
19 hours ago, Junglechicken said:

Kristine, I've read your story .... wow.

 

You're in good hands here, and I can say I've developed a bond with people on this forum.

 

But we're all here for the same reason..........those damn drugs.

Hi JC and Thank you.  I felt so alone and frightened before I found SA.  I am saddened and angered that there are so many of us here. But we are the lucky ones. K

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Kristine

Hi All,  Just a quick update.  The muscular pain is easing but headaches are back full force.  Yesterday my mood was very low but the anxiety had decreased.  Always seems to be a trade off...a balancing of the scales.  The one symptom that has never decreased in severity is the fatigue...that's a constant.  It increases in severity but never decreases below the constant baseline level I have endured for over two years. 

 

However,  I have to keep reminding myself that I am surrounded by beauty in this world.   I just need to look for it.  I have been sitting on my deck watching a sparrow collect twigs from the gutter. He then flys over to the birch tree to mend his nest. I have just sat there watching...life goes on...

 

Wishing you all courage and healing. K

 

 

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manymoretodays

Yep, the beauty is always there.  Good you can find it.

 

And yes.......the adderal salts and dexamphetamine are definitely relatives, close ones I believe.  As you had wondered somewhere back.

 

I'm having a good day so far........the sun came out, literally, and I am feeling pretty fortunate, despite having just resurrected the cursing thread in the "Off topic" section.  I was just thinking about it, and the good release it always gave me.......usually I laugh when I attempt swearing.......not always but usually.

 

Just about tea time.  Which cup would you like today?  I get the purple one!

 

Headaches, mild though.......here too.  I think it's the smog.  I blame it all on the smog here and sometimes the president.  :rolleyes:

 

Best, L,P, H/R, and G,

mmt

Edited by manymoretodays

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Kristine
25 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

And yes.......the adderal salts and dexamphetamine are definitely relatives, close ones I believe.  As you had wondered somewhere back.

 

I'm having a good day so far........the sun came out, literally, and I am feeling pretty fortunate, despite having just resurrected the cursing thread in the "Off topic" section.  I was just thinking about it, and the good release it always gave me.......usually I laugh when I attempt swearing.......not always but usually.

 

Just about tea time.  Which cup would you like today?  I get the purple one!

 

Headaches, mild though.......here too.  I think it's the smog.  I blame it all on the smog here and sometimes the president.  :rolleyes:

Glad the sun is out in your part of the world!  Australia has been hit with a heat wave but we have been mostly spared in Tasmania.  Breaking temperature records in NSW.  47 degrees Celsius in some areas (117 degrees Fahrenheit) hot! Hot! Hot!

 

Lol, the curse thread is a hoot. Scallywag directed me to this link yesterday...I'll post on it someday but lacking the necessary oomph today!  

 

Sorry you you have a headache as well.  I think it's the president. One thought of that muppet and I get a headache.  Think it's an international phenomenon 😕 

 

The sparrow is now getting very vocal...think he's run out of twigs...or maybe he's proud of his work 😉

 

Hugs go from me to you MMT.  K

 

 

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Kristine

Hi JanCarol, Thank you for this post...wonderfully insightful ☺️ You have a fabulous brain 😃

On 06/01/2018 at 2:28 AM, JanCarol said:
On 11/12/2017 at 2:59 PM, Kristine said:

what are people's thoughts relating to neurologists? Do they understand w/d?  The last time I saw my psychiatrist (11th November 2017) she sent me off for an brain MRI and referred me to a neurologist.

 

I know of at least one person in the USA who found a compassionate neurologist.  The neurologist said to her, "You are overdrugged," and then later told her she was never "mentally ill," that it was all drug effects.  (Aria - she has an intro thread and a success story). 

But - I've found that most medical professionals WON'T TOUCH psych drugs with a 10 foot pole.  Meaning, if you are on them, there must be a "good reason" (ugh!) for it.

 

Example:  opthalmologist - I had some retinal tearing.  (that's tear as in rip, not tears as in cry)  I asked him, "what could cause that?"  At first, he didn't want to say anything, something like, "we don't really know"  (oh I hear that way too often!)  He said something about chronic dehydration, and I said:  "So if my kidneys are compromised by lithium, that could cause this?"  He hesitated.  You could see him weighing in his mind if he wanted a stark raving bipolar going off her drugs based on what he said.  He did admit, reluctantly, that this could be the case.  But - he didn't want to.

OMG! I couldn't agree more! I have the added issue of having the barbaric ECT treatment in the past...this just makes the judgment sooo much worse....and that I've been hospitalised multiple times...which just adds to the prejudice and fear amoung many people, medical professionals or not.  As the elephant man said...."I am a human being!".  My psychiatrist sent out 5 referrals to neurologists( with detailed history) stating it was "semi-urgent". I think she thought I was having a stroke in her office.   I have only heard from one...and that appointment isn't until March...I guess they must have several files labeled "the too hard basket" and the "this is beyond my capability".  Your ophthalmologist example made me laugh but also made me sad.  Do they not realise that their body language and facial expressions expose their true thoughts and feelings?

 

On 06/01/2018 at 2:28 AM, JanCarol said:
On 13/12/2017 at 11:49 AM, Kristine said:

Hi FarmGirlWorks, I'm confident we will both get back our creativity and you will return to graphic design

 

I might even extend that to say - it may be better than it ever was before.

 

We went on the drugs for a reason.  That reason usually hampers creativity.

 

When you come out the other side of something like withdrawal (intense!) or even years of struggling with drugs (that's me) and chronic illness (that's me too) - then - the simple blade of grass or that patch of blue in the sky can seem like an absolute miracle!

In the face of that, your appreciation for beauty and life are so expansive, that you will want to act on that appreciation creatively.

 

I reckon it's better than it ever was before (even if my digital manipulation was better before the drugs).

 

On 15/12/2017 at 7:58 PM, Kristine said:

Thank you JanCarol, I just had a little cry reading your words...but a good cry...not a sobby, snotty, can't friggin breath cry.  My loss of creativity is the symptom that bothers me the most.  I'm much more hopeful about it returning and it wouldn't surprise me if it was better than before.  When I do experience tiny windows I can appreciate the beauty surrounding me.  I'm not inspired yet but that will come in time.  Today I was watching a little sparrow mend his nest.  My dexterity remains an issue so hopefully that will slowly recover.  

 

Thank you for the recovery clip.  So accurate! This is no linear, upwards journey! 

 

I have been been reading your story and trying to absorb everything into this foggy concrete head of mine.  Then I have to read bits again because of these memory issues!  I love the way you express yourself.  I think you need to write a book and have it published 😉 

Cheers K 

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JS11

You have such a positive soul!

xo,

JS

 

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Kristine
15 hours ago, JS11 said:

You have such a positive soul!

xo,

JS

Thank you JS,  that's very kind of you to say 🙂 

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Kristine

Much, much better day today.  Had eight hours sleep!!! I'd do a happy dance but my coordination is crap so in the interests of not falling over, I'll refrain.   Muscular pain has decreased. Nausea has gone! Only a mild headache. Only mild anxiety, the background kind. Slight heaviness in chest. My mood is reasonable.  I haven't been taking magnesium for about 3-4 days (need to check notes)....so I'm not going to take it for a while and see how I go.  This is a window! If I had wings I'd fly through, into the sky and enjoy the view! But sitting on my deck is wonderful! 😃 K

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wantrelief
On 12/30/2017 at 4:47 PM, Kristine said:

Such a great question!  Over the years I have learnt some major lessons.  I used to fight this process which only made me more exhausted and angry.  I would say very mean things to myself.. eg "you are a failure", "you are weak" "everyone would be better off without you".  I started to focus on changes, not so much the symptoms...if something changes, either mentally or physically, positive or negative, I see this as my body, mind and soul healing. Healing is painful.  This slowly lead to acceptance.  Accepting that this process will take a undetermined amount of time;  that I am broken but I am worthy and strong; I still have so much to offer and the future is only ever a second away.  It will be, what it will be.  This is what gives me hope 😊 K

 

I just read through your thread and can't believe all you have been through.  I am a fellow nurse as well - well, ex-nurse as I recently quit my job and do not think I'll return to the field.  The above explanation for how you remain hopeful was very helpful to read.  You have such an incredible strength and will that shines through in your posts.  I am so happy that you have had a much deserved window today!!

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Kristine
30 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

I just read through your thread and can't believe all you have been through.  I am a fellow nurse as well - well, ex-nurse as I recently quit my job and do not think I'll return to the field.  The above explanation for how you remain hopeful was very helpful to read.  You have such an incredible strength and will that shines through in your posts.  I am so happy that you have had a much deserved window today!!

Gosh! Thank you Wantrelief...you made me blush a little...I've never been very good at receiving compliments, but I'm working on that!  There seems to be quite a few nurses on SA.  I haven't been able to work for over two years due to the physical and mental disability caused by these drugs. And, like you I'm not sure what career path to take in the future.  Maybe push for a withdrawal facility for people coming off psychotropic medications!  I think in general nurses are sensitive, caring souls (some are horrible!) which leads us to the profession in the first place.  Most people I have met over the past 10 years who have crossed paths with psychiatry, tend to fit this description.  I don't think narcissists and sociopaths are likely to seek help for for their ailments! I am enjoying my window! I am sitting on my deck, drinking green tea, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and my son is packing his pack for an overnight sailing trip 😊 I'll drop by your thread soon 🙂 K 

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RealMe
14 minutes ago, Kristine said:

I am enjoying my window! I

So glad you are having a window.  I'm having a bit of one too.  At least I don't seem to be having as many symptoms, and those I have, I am not reacting to with as much anxiety.  Thank goodness I have somewhat of a breather from that which I shall not name today.

Best wishes,

RealMe

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Kristine
2 minutes ago, RealMe said:

So glad you are having a window.  I'm having a bit of one too.  At least I don't seem to be having as many symptoms, and those I have, I am not reacting to with as much anxiety.  Thank goodness I have somewhat of a breather from that which I shall not name today.

Thank you RealMe, I'm so please you are also having some relief.  I'm never completely free of symptoms but if symptoms are on the low end of the scale, I'm very grateful.  I've been thinking of you and hoping the tinnitus has taken a hike! K

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JS11
5 hours ago, Kristine said:

Thank you JS,  that's very kind of you to say 🙂 

So true!

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Frogie
20 hours ago, JS11 said:

You have such a positive soul!

xo,

JS

 

Yes she does! But you do too. :)

 

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JS11
3 hours ago, Kristine said:

Much, much better day today.  Had eight hours sleep!!! I'd do a happy dance but my coordination is crap so in the interests of not falling over, I'll refrain.   Muscular pain has decreased. Nausea has gone! Only a mild headache. Only mild anxiety, the background kind. Slight heaviness in chest. My mood is reasonable.  I haven't been taking magnesium for about 3-4 days (need to check notes)....so I'm not going to take it for a while and see how I go.  This is a window! If I had wings I'd fly through, into the sky and enjoy the view! But sitting on my deck is wonderful! 😃 K

Ohhhh Sleep!  The elixir of life!  And a whole eight hours.  Wowza!  So very glad for you.  Yes, no happy dances under those conditions.  Perhaps a chair dance next time?  

 

I do so wish for more of these lovely windows and the wings to fly through them.

So very glad for you!

xoxo,

take care,

JS

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JS11
1 minute ago, Frogie said:

Yes she does! But you do too. :)

 

That was very kind of you to say.  Having a very hard day and needed that.

xoxo,

JS

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Frogie
Just now, JS11 said:

That was very kind of you to say.  Having a very hard day and needed that.

xoxo,

JS

I'm glad I could make you smile.

 

Sorry Kristine, I took over your thread, but wanted to make sure JS  was ok.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

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JS11
2 hours ago, Kristine said:

Gosh! Thank you Wantrelief...you made me blush a little...I've never been very good at receiving compliments, but I'm working on that!  There seems to be quite a few nurses on SA.  I haven't been able to work for over two years due to the physical and mental disability caused by these drugs. And, like you I'm not sure what career path to take in the future.  Maybe push for a withdrawal facility for people coming off psychotropic medications!  I think in general nurses are sensitive, caring souls (some are horrible!) which leads us to the profession in the first place.  Most people I have met over the past 10 years who have crossed paths with psychiatry, tend to fit this description.  I don't think narcissists and sociopaths are likely to seek help for for their ailments! I am enjoying my window! I am sitting on my deck, drinking green tea, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and my son is packing his pack for an overnight sailing trip 😊 I'll drop by your thread soon 🙂 K 

 

Ohhhhhh, my dear mama was a nurse!  You both automatically have all my respect and admiration.  

Sounds a little like a mini-paradise.

Glad for you.

xo,

JS

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Kristine

I love all of you so very much!!!! You are all such a comfort and inspiration 🌻

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Frogie
Just now, Kristine said:

I love all of you so very much!!!! You are all such a comfort and inspiration 🌻

It is very mutual!

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Kristine
52 minutes ago, JS11 said:

That was very kind of you to say.  Having a very hard day and needed that.

I've sent you a PM, JS ☺️

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