Kristine: not alone

January 9, 2018

Hey K -

I woke up this morning with a headache, and I thought of you.

At some point, our relationship will develop and I won't think of you when I'm in pain, but will instead think of you with delight.

But today - it was a headache.

Then, the next thought to come was the words: "Headache. I must be dehydrated."

Now, I know that you have had migraines, and those are quite serious, but when we get drugged, we tend to forget about the simple things, like drinking plenty of fresh, clean water. And here's the miraculous thing - it's risk free! Drinking more water can only help. Only extremely rarely can it cause harm (and I don't think you plan to drink that much water!)

Also - I don't think I've acknowledged what you've been through. You might enjoy going on Mad In America, where there are a lot of other survivors of extreme psych treatment. They have a forum, but it's more a good place for getting the anger out, and listening and talking with others who have been abused by the psychiatric system.

I was listening to Peter Breggin the other night, and thought of you. Now Uncle Peter is a kindly, gentle soul - but his words are often harsh truths, delivered with kindness. This discussion talked about how neurologists depend upon referrals from psychiatrists for their bread-and-butter. And that a neurologist is never likely to contradict the drugging behaviour of a psychiatrist. But you can try, and it would be good to eliminate the possibility of any lasting damage.

But here's the thing - once you get off the drugs, much of the damage can be reworked - it's called neuroplasticity. Norman Doidge, "The Brain that Changes Itself" is a very encouraging read. I'll tell a personal story - my husband had a stroke, and now has a golf-ball sized hole in his brain. He didn't lose any physical capacity - he lost words. He could walk and dig the garden and play guitar - but he couldn't tell you what he had just done, or what he wanted, or how he feels (he still struggles with that one, much to my dismay). With 6 weeks of intensive rehab (3 weeks inpatient, 3 weeks outpatient) - he got his words back, and was able to go back to work where he needed to talk on the phone, create reports, respond to software emergencies, and a number of other verbal tasks. The brain is an amazing thing, and while he still has this huge hole over the Broca's area, he is 95% recovered. All the outsiders believe he is fully recovered.

On 31/12/2017 at 12:18 PM, Kristine said:

28 days' (alcohol rehab comedy)... I thought wouldn't it be great to have that kind of support coming off these drugs!

I had an epiphany to "28 days." It was unbelievable. Sandra Bullock has no idea what she created with this one!

As I watched her life unravel in the movie, leaving wreckage and destruction in her wake - and I saw her attitude of "whatever, I just want to do what I want to do,"

I came to the realisation that my own selfish behaviour had left a similar form of wreckage. I felt all the friends I lost in my 1995 "manic episode," I felt the cruelty, disregard and disrespect I had shown my mother. The pressure and harshness I had brought to my own failed marriage. Cheating, lying, stealing - all to fuel this selfish "I am the centre of the universe and nothing else matters" attitude. This movie brought to me all of the wreckage and destruction I had created in my own life. I cried for days after that movie.

(I know, that was not what the movie makers intended, but that's how it happened for me!)

I talked to my best friend about it - and I felt very strongly the "Make Amends" step. I wanted - I needed - to go to all the people I had hurt, and make amends as best as possible.

My best friend, a doctor, said at the time was this: "The difference between you and her - she was an alcoholic. An alcoholic has choices. An alcoholic makes a choice every time they drink. A bipolar does not choose this." That was back when I was still embedded in my diagnosis - or it was embedded in me. While I accepted what she said - it still rang true that I was responsible for my choices and behaviour, and that much of what had been diagnosed as "bipolar," was a failure or inability to take responsibility for my moods, my behaviours, my choices.

And I seek to make amends as soon as I figure it out.

Now I am learning a Jewish word, "Tikkun." That is correction. "28 Days" was a huge correction for me, like a slap in the face (or worse). But like any Art - you take it from correction by the Master, to self-correction. For the first few years, it's fine to be told in karate that my stance needs correcting - but at some point I need to learn to do it myself. Correct my own stance. It is the same with life. If I catch myself disrespecting another human being - I can apologize after - but isn't it so much better to catch it before it happens? Tikkun. (in my goyish understanding of it)

I've made it through page 4 of your thread!

Closing in!

I hope you see the sun today!

January 9, 2018

Hi Kristine!

Today I'm reading about your pain. Oh boy. That's been one of my bug-bears since I became an adult. This past year, I found improvement - only 6 months of the year was spent in unrelenting tendon pain. I have an endocrine condition - post drug, post surgery (so yours will probably improve and GO AWAY, unlike mine), and what you are describing sounds a lot like my tendon pain.

I see you've been recommended the mag baths. Since you're Aussie, you might be happy to know about Blant's, a wholesale-to-the-public bulk magnesium supplier. I buy big dog-food sized bags of the stuff, it's so much cheaper that way! They were founded to help supply for autistic children - but have a great range of Epsom Salts, Mag Chloride, Dead Sea Salts, Borax (helps neutralize fluoride), as well as green soaps.

Not yet - but - there are other things I take to help pain. Fish oil. That's how I got started on it. If you have something structural (such as "slipped discs" or arthritis or bad knees) then glucosamine/chondroitin is a good supplement (not to be taken by diabetics). I take turmeric all day, every day, and put it in my food and smoothies, too. And when I have flare-ups, I take tart cherry. It seems to help. BUT - these are supplements, and you are still in a destabilised state - so - if you do decide to try them (I'd start with the turmeric), please do so very carefully. You can start the turmeric just as a spice - put it on your fish, in your cassaroles, on your eggs - anywhere you can - and see if you can tolerate it.

When I hurt too much to do yoga (just a few short years ago) I go back to tai chi and chi gung. Very gentle!

Try this, to see if you can do it:

(and if you want to post a video, just use the "Share" link on YouTube.)

And if you cannot move your body - you can always breathe: Breathing for Well Being

Your list of symptoms here sound a lot like dysautonomia. Dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system. It's part of the regulating process, and it's hellacious to go through because you never get used to any one symptom. You know, when you have a sinus infection, you can recognize it because you've had it before? Well - with dysauthonomia, it's all over the place. Hot, cold, anxious, pain, nausea - anything along the vagus nerve is fair game. Dysautonomia / Autonomic Dysregulation

Vagus nerve:

On 05/01/2018 at 11:36 AM, Kristine said:

the only other change that might have some significance is my increased sugar intake. I usually don't eat much sugar at all but there have been multiple sweet treats available due to Christmas. Eg. Mince Pies, chocolate, shortbread. Staying clear of it now.

You might also consider wheat. Yes, sugar is a direct drug, but wheat is often inflammatory. I was reading again today about the role of gluten in schizoprhenia and autism - and possibly ADHD, too. Dairy, too, can be inflammatory. With your severe joint/tendon/whatever-it-is pain, you might want to reduce inflammatory foods.

I don't think the Vegemite could cause an issue - what they call "high in B vitamins" is not as much as a supplement. I'm more suspicious of the toast that you put the Vegemite on. But pay attention - you'll figure this out.

Most supplements in food form are safe - it's pretty rare to react to a spice or a vitamin in food. It's more likely that you react to inflammatory types of food, not the vitamins in the food.

On 05/01/2018 at 3:58 PM, manymoretodays said:

Vegemite translation to American? Any idea?

Nope. Trust me on this. I think the recipe happened when a bushranger fell asleep with his beer too close to the fire. He woke up in the morning, and it had thickened to a black paste. He tried it, liked it, and Vegemite was born!

(kudos to Sir Terry Pratchett, the origin of this story)

Though the English have a similar product, slightly less salty, called Marmite.

Thanks for sharing the old ad! That happened before I moved to 'Straya, and it's always good to absorb Ancient Pop Culture!

I hope you see the sun today!

January 9, 2018

Hi JC,

7 hours ago, JanCarol said:

I woke up this morning with a headache, and I thought of you.

At some point, our relationship will develop and I won't think of you when I'm in pain, but will instead think of you with delight.

But today - it was a headache.

Then, the next thought to come was the words: "Headache. I must be dehydrated."

Now, I know that you have had migraines, and those are quite serious, but when we get drugged, we tend to forget about the simple things, like drinking plenty of fresh, clean water. And here's the miraculous thing - it's risk free! Drinking more water can only help. Only extremely rarely can it cause harm (and I don't think you plan to drink that much water!)

Bugger 😞 You must have taken some of my pain away today because I only had a mild headache today! Added to that, Another member Frogie and I were discussing headache causes and remedies and dehydration was mentioned. I have experienced migraines for over 5 years....they started after the first treatment (a prefer the word, torture) of ECT...coincidence? Doubt it!

7 hours ago, JanCarol said:

Also - I don't think I've acknowledged what you've been through. You might enjoy going on Mad In America, where there are a lot of other survivors of extreme psych treatment. They have a forum, but it's more a good place for getting the anger out, and listening and talking with others who have been abused by the psychiatric system.

I'm a member of Mad in America and I get their newsletters. I think it was on this site that I first heard of SA. I'm pretty sure it was a podcast...perhaps Johanna Moncrieff? Everything's a bit of a blur!

7 hours ago, JanCarol said:

But here's the thing - once you get off the drugs, much of the damage can be reworked - it's called neuroplasticity. Norman Doidge, "The Brain that Changes Itself" is a very encouraging read. I'll tell a personal story - my husband had a stroke, and now has a golf-ball sized hole in his brain. He didn't lose any physical capacity - he lost words. He could walk and dig the garden and play guitar - but he couldn't tell you what he had just done, or what he wanted, or how he feels (he still struggles with that one, much to my dismay). With 6 weeks of intensive rehab (3 weeks inpatient, 3 weeks outpatient) - he got his words back, and was able to go back to work where he needed to talk on the phone, create reports, respond to software emergencies, and a number of other verbal tasks. The brain is an amazing thing, and while he still has this huge hole over the Broca's area, he is 95% recovered. All the outsiders believe he is fully recovered.

I have been believing that the ECT caused permanent brain damage but I've been rethinking this lately. Your words, advice and sharing the experiences of your husband couldn't have come at a better time. Your husband sounds like an amazing man....and your right, the brain is an amazing thing. So I am now thinking that I did suffer brain damage but it is not permanent. Besides I have a little bit of proof...in my journal over the time frames of ECT my handwriting was almost childlike and my written expression was a close match 😳 ...however I was on a cocktail of drugs as well. Thank you for the book suggestion...I can't get enough of this kind of information!

4 hours ago, JanCarol said:

Your list of symptoms here sound a lot like dysautonomia. Dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system. It's part of the regulating process, and it's hellacious to go through because you never get used to any one symptom. You know, when you have a sinus infection, you can recognize it because you've had it before? Well - with dysauthonomia, it's all over the place. Hot, cold, anxious, pain, nausea - anything along the vagus nerve is fair game. Dysautonomia / Autonomic Dysregulation

It has a name! This makes so much sense. Slowly things are adding up and slotting into place....the more I understand the less scary this becomes. Knowledge is power 😉 Thank you JC

4 hours ago, JanCarol said:

You might also consider wheat. Yes, sugar is a direct drug, but wheat is often inflammatory. I was reading again today about the role of gluten in schizoprhenia and autism - and possibly ADHD, too. Dairy, too, can be inflammatory. With your severe joint/tendon/whatever-it-is pain, you might want to reduce inflammatory foods.

Oh dear...I've been ignoring this one because I'm not sure I have the head space to eliminate bread/pasta/baked goods....and then dairy 😳 This would be easier for me to cut out at the moment. But I need to change something!

4 hours ago, JanCarol said:

On 05/01/2018 at 4:58 PM, manymoretodays said:

Vegemite translation to American? Any idea?

Nope. Trust me on this. I think the recipe happened when a bushranger fell asleep with his beer too close to the fire. He woke up in the morning, and it had thickened to a black paste. He tried it, liked it, and Vegemite was born!

(kudos to Sir Terry Pratchett, the origin of this story)

Though the English have a similar product, slightly less salty, called Marmite.

Thanks for sharing the old ad! That happened before I moved to 'Straya, and it's always good to absorb Ancient Pop Culture!

😂 I haven't heard that story! Have I been living under a rock?!?!? Well....maybe I have 🙄

And thank you you for the QI gong clip....I'm going to try it tomorrow morning...maybe on the deck, to entertain the neighbours!

Over and out from Tassie,

K

January 9, 2018

Hey K -

On 06/01/2018 at 11:01 AM, Kristine said:

To be honest I'm a little overwhelmed

Sorry about that. I latched onto your writing style like a dog with a bone....

And for your other readers - Tassie is like Heaven on Earth. I only say that about a few other places. Western Wyoming. Southeast Kentucky. New Zealand. Tasmania. I can't pick a favourite, they are all Heaven on Earth. Tasmania - I've been once - is pristine where it is untouched, rugged. The food there (like New Zealand) is fresh and awesome goodness. Lots of organic, cottage farms. Frightening history - helps keep it remote. It's the ends of the Earth, folks, but golly it's beautiful!

On 06/01/2018 at 1:50 PM, JS11 said:

Yes, I think to Chinese. Had some recently which I thought was MSG free but got a headache right after

Okay, here's the tricky one. MSG can be made into several different chemical cocktails that are not MSG.

Confused? These are available in MSG free foods - but are still MSG. I'm not a chemist, so I don't know how you can change a molecule and it be the same, but that's what I'm told. Ah - I get it, these are foods with high "free glutamates" - like monopotassium glutamate, glutamic acid, glutamate, vegetable protein extract, gelatin, hydrolyzed vegetable protein, Accent, hydrolyzed plant protein, sodium caseinate, calcium caseinate, disodium guanylate, disodium inosinate, senomyx, textured protein, yeast extract and autolyzed yeast. So - when they advertise "MSG Free" they might have added one of these other flavour enhancers, instead.

On 06/01/2018 at 1:50 PM, JS11 said:

Oh, I also know the song about the "Big white boomers, snow white boomers," Well, that is all I can remember, about the kangaroos who pull Santas sleigh. So like that stuff. I assume that is for all of Australia rather than just parts.

It's funny. I remember before I ever went to school., My first "record player," it had 33 & 45 settings. One of my very first 33's was "Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport" in all its gruesome glory.

For an American child to grow up with that being one of the first songs that she learned - and then land in Australia. Well - life is amazing, isn't it?

On 08/01/2018 at 7:43 AM, Kristine said:

Yesterday my mood was very low but the anxiety had decreased. Always seems to be a trade off...a balancing of the scales. The one symptom that has never decreased in severity is the fatigue...that's a constant.

"Balancing the Scales" is an excellent way to think about it. Because that's what your body is trying to do. There are about a thousand pendulums, all of them trying to come into synchronisation, all of them trying to find their balance. And while they are balancing - it feels all screwed up.

Fatigue has been lifelong for me. It's what got me medicated, time and again. I couldn't get off the floor. And of course, we didn't know then that the drugs aggravate fatigue!

You know about counting spoons? This comes from a chronic illness forum for those of us who look normal, but who struggle. (and I believe that a lot of CFS/ME and fibromyalgia is induced by these psych drugs and a few other drugs like statins, stomach drugs, etc.)

The Spoon Theory by Christine

We only have so many spoons in a day, and we need to make sure those spoons are the important ones.

And oh yes - nausea. I spent a lot of energy on Frogie's nausea. I know she has a long thread, but for a few months we were throwing all kinds of home remedies at her.

Some of those remedies will be found here, also: http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16067-digestive-problems-nausea-diarrhea-bloating-gerd/

13 hours ago, wantrelief said:

I am a fellow nurse as well - well, ex-nurse

OMG. I am not a nurse but I know more nurses and ex-nurses in here! There are at least 1/2 dozen of them I can think of.

And I think it's not that y'all are stupid for trusting psychiatry - it's that psychiatry is so evil. The devil loves it when you don't believe in him! "We want to help you," and you are in distress so - you know people who claim "the drugs worked for me," and so you submit. "It's the right thing to do."

After all, if you had a heart attack, you would submit to the cardiologist, right? So when you have a "brain attack," you trust the psychiatrist, right?

It's probably harder for nurses to resist this flow, this trust. They see people's lives saved all the time by brilliant surgeons and emergency room doctors. Why would psychiatrists be any different?

(just for your information, I'm afraid I've come out the other side with a huge mistrust of the whole medical industry, especially pharmaceuticals, but surgeons too. Oh yes, they are skilled - but how many unnecessary surgeries are performed? Did I really need to lose my thyroid? I'm having this debate right now about - egads - cardiologists. How much do I listen? How much do I heed? They want me on BP drugs, but I don't have high BP, just an arrhythmia from cortisol spikes....I refuse their drugs, for now. And don't get me started about the corruption of medical "studies....)

13 hours ago, Kristine said:

Maybe push for a withdrawal facility for people coming off psychotropic medications!

YES! The first medication free ward has been established in Norway. It's a small unit (6 beds) for people who want to go through their crises without drugs - or - for people who want to taper off.

I read "Anatomy of an Epidemic" when it came out. I thought that by now - years later - there would be more recognition of withdrawal. I've seen small signs - but then - I also seem to be surrounded by drugged people. Everybody's got their "cope with a sick world" pill. And I can talk till I'm red in the face, but nobody believes me about slow tapering, either. "She'll be right, mate," and my fears get ignored.

Safe space for people in crisis sounds brilliant. One of the other mods, KarenB, talked about a special facility in New Zealand for Mum's to have a "de-stress" for a week. Even something like that would be amazing. A place to go where we know it's safe to talk about hard stuff without getting drugged for having feelings, emotions, trauma and stress.

January 9, 2018

Kristine:

JanCarol is awesome!

She has/and still does help me tremendously.

She is very knowledgeable and will help you a lot.

I love her and she knows it!

Take care,

Frogie xx

January 9, 2018

9 minutes ago, Frogie said:

JanCarol is awesome!

She has/and still does help me tremendously.

She is very knowledgeable and will help you a lot.

I love her and she knows it!

Hi Frogie, Yes, I agree...I think JC is oozing awesomeness 😃 K

January 9, 2018

2 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hi Frogie, Yes, I agree...I think JC is oozing awesomeness 😃 K

She is!

She was I think one of the 1st mods to help me.

I truly treasure her opinions and help.

Take care,

Frogie xx

January 10, 2018

Goodbye beautiful window...hello wave. It's not a monster wave so I'm grateful...

Last night my husband brought home takeaway 'noodles in a box'...I shouldn't have eaten it after all JanCarol said about gluten and MSG...think I'm paying the price....
only got two hours broken sleep and had very weird dreams. Woke in panic and feeling claustrophobic...like I wanted to rip my skin off. Blah 😒
Increased muscular pain... most noticeable in arms and calfs
nausea but only mild
headache
the usual amped up fatigue
flat mood...zero motivation (but that's not unusual)...I'm sitting in the middle of the "I don't care" zone
It's nearly 1pm...I'm in bed...and can't seem to drag myself to the shower. Feeling stinky 😳

It is what it is....🙄

Love to you all. K

January 10, 2018

Oh wow. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be that accurate.

Husbands. Mine brings home Bacon and cheese rolls, and wheat buns, fills the house with bread-y stuff (and it shows on his tummy!). They do it because they care about you - but - also because "it looks yummy"

I can now eat wheat, but I think of it as a shotglass. I can have a shotglass a day (but take days off, too). So I can "get away with" 1/2 slice of bread, or a mince pie (yay! but only one!). But when I go to the States, I can be sick - I was sick - for 3 months afterwards. It's a lot harder when travelling to "keep it clean."

You might have access to "artisanal wheat" which is less allergenic than mass produced wheat. But it doesn't come from Noodle Box!

I came hear today because there is this awesome thing - a movie / music thing - done by a woman with extreme states (and extreme trauma). I believe in the "Mad Pride" movement, that it's okay to have mental and emotional diversity. Just because I think differently, feel differently, does not make me "sick."

But this - Music Mental Health Opera was the first thing I saw that made me feel Pride. True Pride. Be sure and watch the video! This lady is AWESOMENESS!

It's one thing to say, "It's okay to feel that way, think that way" - it's totally another thing to say - it's AMAZING to express yourself, and I'm PROUD to have been where I've been, experienced what I've experienced. That's what that short video did for me, and if the opera ever "comes to town," it will be required viewing, even if it's at the hoity-toity QPAC!

Remember the sun today! It's a gorgeous (hot) day in Queensland!

January 10, 2018

1 hour ago, Kristine said:

Goodbye beautiful window...hello wave. It's not a monster wave so I'm grateful...

My day was a wave also. I thought it was futile for me to try to figure out why or what happened or what did I eat, but maybe I should look at what I ate today. I ate two pieces of bacon and 1 scrambled egg and an apple. Then for lunch I ate a cheeseburger (no bread). For a snack, 1/4 cup of salted cashew nuts. I took a gentle walk in the sun. Then the tinnitus started up big time. Then I ate eggplant parm & chicken for dinner. One of the things that came back recently is my appetite. I have been thinking that's a good, healthy thing as long as I am somewhat disciplined. I wonder if it was salt in the food. I never add salt, but maybe it was in the food, especially the nuts which I never eat but did today.

Anyway, I cried and prayed till I was exhausted, then just distracted in the computer. I just tried some prime subliminal tapes JS recommended.

Best,

RealMe

January 10, 2018

1 hour ago, RealMe said:

My day was a wave also.

Oh RM, what are we to do? Your food intake looks okay to me. Very good in fact and I'm so pleased you have your appetite back. I don't even know if the noodles are related to this wave! I have felt so fatigued today (like every day!) and I thought....wouldn't it be lovely if someone came and delivered meals for people with healing nervous systems. Non of the nasties, all of the goodies! Nothing that could potentially cause inflammation!

2 hours ago, RealMe said:

I just tried some prime subliminal tapes JS recommended.

Is this for your tinnitus? I don't know what they are but I hope they help!!!! I must drop by your thread and check it out.

We will get there RM...eventually 😉 K

January 10, 2018

2 hours ago, JanCarol said:

Oh wow. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be that accurate.

Husbands. Mine brings home Bacon and cheese rolls, and wheat buns, fills the house with bread-y stuff (and it shows on his tummy!). They do it because they care about you - but - also because "it looks yummy"

LOL...yes they do mean well. I'm barely cooking at the moment so I don't blame hubby for dropping by the noodle box on his way back from work. He does cook but we are all a bit worn out lately. If my son cooks the kitchen is unrecognisable! Somehow he manages to use every pot and pan and utensil available 🙄

2 hours ago, JanCarol said:

But this - Music Mental Health Opera was the first thing I saw that made me feel Pride. True Pride. Be sure and watch the video! This lady is AWESOMENESS!

It's one thing to say, "It's okay to feel that way, think that way" - it's totally another thing to say - it's AMAZING to express yourself, and I'm PROUD to have been where I've been, experienced what I've experienced. That's what that short video did for me, and if the opera ever "comes to town," it will be required viewing, even if it's at the hoity-toity QPAC!

I needed this today. Thank you JC.

And a saw the sun 🌻 K

January 10, 2018

So much information, so little functioning grey matter.

I so enjoyed the proverbial "vat" of information provided by JanCarol, (as well as that meditation.)

I have had some rheumatiod/fibromyalgia issues and was blessed with a wonderful Asian doc who was also into naturopathic healing.

Sorry to bring up the topic of eliminating more foods, but the nightshades were mentioned. Potatoes and tomatoes were mentioned. Also, something about the temperature of liquids. I live do so adore iced tea (Americans do love their ice) and water, but both have to be cold. I hope I am not messing this up---but I seem to recall that room temperature is better. Something about the Chi, but can't remember what.

Hope that monster whatever, has fled and left you in peace.

take care,

JS

January 10, 2018

I’ve been reading all of Kristines posts over again. I am looking for some conviction within myself. I am not as confident. I have lost a lot. ( As have all of you.)I think maybe my self image is so damaged. Maybe the rest of you were better put together to start with. I am afraid of my mind right now. I am afraid I’m not doing the right thing. That’s why I’m reading and rereading. I am impressed with all of you, what you’ve been through , and how you are so sure about the path you’re on.

January 11, 2018

3 hours ago, JS11 said:

Sorry to bring up the topic of eliminating more foods, but the nightshades were mentioned. Potatoes and tomatoes were mentioned. Also, something about the temperature of liquids. I live do so adore iced tea (Americans do love their ice) and water, but both have to be cold. I hope I am not messing this up---but I seem to recall that room temperature is better. Something about the Chi, but can't remember what.

Hi JS, I am not disciplined in the food arena mainly because I'm lacking energy to prepare meals, imagination for interesting meals and nausea when I don't feel like eating meals!!! So when I am lucky enough not to feel nauseated I'll tend to grab something easy. Also love nightshade's, particually tomatoes. Cheese and tomato toasted sandwich anyone??! And ice! I pretty much have ice in everything...one of the w/d symptoms is feeling hot..like my skin and blood is on fire...so ice it is.

My day is a little better than yesterday 😊 I'll stop by your thread asap.

Cheers. K

January 11, 2018

3 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

I’ve been reading all of Kristines posts over again.

Blimey D! That must have been a tough slog! 😉 (Sorry, bit of Australian slang thrown in)

3 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

I am looking for some conviction within myself. I am not as confident. I have lost a lot. ( As have all of you.)I think maybe my self image is so damaged. Maybe the rest of you were better put together to start with. I am afraid of my mind right now. I am afraid I’m not doing the right thing. That’s why I’m reading and rereading. I am impressed with all of you, what you’ve been through , and how you are so sure about the path you’re on.

Oh, beautiful D 😊 I am filled with self doubt and lack of confidence! Second guessing myself is not uncommon. Below is something I recently posted on Marmot's thread. It includes some personal opinions and experiences. I doubt anyone on this sight started these medications without a reason...emotional or physical pain has lead us all to psychotropic medications...as I say below "I am a work in progress" ....xox K (for some reason Marmots quotes didn't come through so you may need to look at her page)

1 hour ago, Kristine said:

Hi Marmot, I was excited when I saw your post, I know you only visit occasionally but I've missed you!

Many valid points Marmot. We live in a fast paced, quick fix society. People plaster their "perfect" lives across social media...the focus is perfection, the self absorbed "selfie" culture, flaws and differences are not celebrated and our society has become fickle and disconnected. I don't think many of us even know how to deal with our inner turmoil because we have never been taught. Then any open expression of negative emotions are shunned, pushed aside by ourselves or the people around us....in general emotional suffering is not accepted. It must be fixed...quickly. In Australia there is a mental health campaign called "Are you ok? Day". I loathe it. If I ask someone if they are ok.....I really want to know. However, I have been asked that question many times and I have witnessed the glaze forming over the questioners eyes as they start to shuffle uncomfortably in their own skin. Now, with most people, I answer.... "I'm fine, and you?"

You may be thinking "what on earth is she going on about!" I guess my point is...if we don't "fit" into the "norm" our culture has the powerful ability to make us feel inadequate, isolated, alone and marginalised. Then if we seek professional help and a label is attached to us, this validates that our culture is correct. It sends a very clear message to our psyche.. we are not ok as we are, our brains are broken and damaged. We need to be fixed and changed into something else. We are being forced to "fit". I think this may lead to the frustration that you describe?

You descibe going back to "untangle the mess" of your past...the loneliness and shyness which eventually lead to depression. In my opinion this is the healthy part (painful but healthy). I think it is essential that we understand who we are, how we react, why and what we react to....a could go on. It's an ongoing process...I believe if we keep asking questions, keep moving forward, continue to make decisions we are on the right path. Perhaps being stagnant is the most damaging.

Yes and no. I'm a work in progress. Ongoing trauma led me to the medication. However, I believe it was ingrained negative beliefs about myself that kept me on them. I was raised but a mother who had many "skeletons in the closet" but her main goal was to appear "perfect" to the world. This included a relentless pressure on me, as an child and an adolescent to fit this image. She would even scold me for laughing to loud. I wasn't allowed to be emotionally expressive. Negative or positive. If I wasn't perfect she would scream at me, belittle me and beat me. Always behind closed doors of course. Then she wouldn't talk to me for days. My brother wasn't subjected to the same abuse. Thankfully, I have escaped this. I have put in place the neccessary boundaries to protect myself. Because her behaviour was never about me. She is an unhappy, destructive and bitter woman. It makes me sad, it still hurts but her life is not my responsibility. I learnt that the hard way! So for over ten years I been learning mindful meditation, literally meditating and sitting with emotional pain...giving it space, letting it be, instead of running away from it (I used to be a workaholic 😳). The other practice is loving-kindness towards myself. I am getting much better at this but I have a long way to go. As I said.."I'm a work in progress" 😉

So so lovely to hear from you Marmot. Hugs to you. K

January 11, 2018

32 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hi JS, I am not disciplined in the food arena mainly because I'm lacking energy to prepare meals, imagination for interesting meals and nausea when I don't feel like eating meals!!! So when I am lucky enough not to feel nauseated I'll tend to grab something easy. Also love nightshade's, particually tomatoes. Cheese and tomato toasted sandwich anyone??! And ice! I pretty much have ice in everything...one of the w/d symptoms is feeling hot..like my skin and blood is on fire...so ice it is.

My day is a little better than yesterday 😊 I'll stop by your thread asap.

Cheers. K

Well, you are NOT talking to a gourmet here. My idea of wealth would be to have my own personal chef. Preparation is not my thing; I prefer the eating, although I do shop and help clean up!

Yes, I went through the nausea thing and it has thankfully departed. What a miserable feeling. When I could get out of bed, I was sucking down ginger of some sort. It did seem to help. I noticed that you are a ginger girl too.

As for the hot, I don't know about blood boiling for me, so very sorry! but the hot, yes. I was dripping with sweat. I know RachelSusan spoke of this as well. I have seen a couple other people as well. True, it was summer but we are talking about looking like you have just completed some major athletic accomplishment. I had to change tops frequently.

Some forward movement. May there be more and more and more....you get the idea.

And ice IS one of my food groups!

xoxo,

JS

January 11, 2018

7 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Blimey D! That must have been a tough slog! 😉 (Sorry, bit of Australian slang thrown in)

Oh, beautiful D 😊 I am filled with self doubt and lack of confidence! Second guessing myself is not uncommon. Below is something I recently posted on Marmot's thread. It includes some personal opinions and experiences. I doubt anyone on this sight started these medications without a reason...emotional or physical pain has lead us all to psychotropic medications...as I say below "I am a work in progress" ....xox K (for some reason Marmots quotes didn't come through so you may need to look at her page)

9 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Blimey D! That must have been a tough slog! 😉 (Sorry, bit of Australian slang thrown in)

Oh, beautiful D 😊 I am filled with self doubt and lack of confidence! Second guessing myself is not uncommon. Below is something I recently posted on Marmot's thread. It includes some personal opinions and experiences. I doubt anyone on this sight started these medications without a reason...emotional or physical pain has lead us all to psychotropic medications...as I say below "I am a work in progress" ....xox K (for some reason Marmots quotes didn't come through so you may need to look at her page)

Now if I could just learn how to quote little bits and pieces like all of you so aptly do....

DownButNotOut, Yes, to everything K. said. And to the other thing she qouted on Marmot's page. (Love Marmots by the way, rather a mascot here.)

I am frequently a heaping mess and don't always post out loud as it is so very difficult to let people know what is really going on...

I also look at people's posts and think, Wow! Look at them! And then I look at me and think not so good thoughts. I am trying so very hard to suck up all the hope here. And, I suppose it should be yet another comfort that all of these intelligent, articulate, caring souls who found there way here, were also medicated as well. Just like me! Strength in numbers. So much better together than alone. For I feel alone so very much of the time, and it is a hellish place, just sayin'

xoxo to you both,

JS11

January 11, 2018

15 minutes ago, JS11 said:

I also look at people's posts and think, Wow! Look at them! And then I look at me and think not so good thoughts. I am trying so very hard to suck up all the hope here. And, I suppose it should be yet another comfort that all of these intelligent, articulate, caring souls who found there way here, were also medicated as well. Just like me! Strength in numbers. So much better together than alone. For I feel alone so very much of the time, and it is a hellish place, just sayin'

Spot on JS...I think you just summed up the feelings of many of us. K. Xox

January 11, 2018

9 hours ago, JS11 said:

As for the hot, I don't know about blood boiling for me, so very sorry! but the hot, yes. I was dripping with sweat. I know RachelSusan spoke of this as well. I have seen a couple other people as well. True, it was summer but we are talking about looking like you have just completed some major athletic accomplishment. I had to change tops frequently.

I change clothes so frequently. Sweat, sweat and more sweat...doesn't exactly make me feel terribly feminine. Then I'm thinking menopause...but no...it's w/d.

9 hours ago, JS11 said:

And ice IS one of my food groups!

And it's not addictive!

😆 K

January 11, 2018

On 1/10/2018 at 12:15 AM, Kristine said:

We will get there RM...eventually 😉 K

How are you doing today, Kristine? I'm having a not so bad day. Thankful for small improvements. I posted in my introduction thread.

Hope you are feeling better. Yes, I believe we will get there. I have to fight the negative thoughts, especially the one that says I'm too old and have done too much damage to my brain and cns. I have to count on neuroplasticity!

January 11, 2018

1 hour ago, RealMe said:

How are you doing today, Kristine? I'm having a not so bad day. Thankful for small improvements. I posted in my introduction thread.

Hope you are feeling better. Yes, I believe we will get there. I have to fight the negative thoughts, especially the one that says I'm too old and have done too much damage to my brain and cns. I have to count on neuroplasticity!

Hi RM, The negative thoughts are tricky to deal with. Sometimes I find distraction is the only method, I play that silly app farm heros...with the sound off 🙄 I'm somewhere in the middle today. Feeling very flat in mood. That oh hum feeling. Only managed three hours of broken sleep.. but it's better than nothing! I'll pop by your thread today RM ☺️ K

January 11, 2018

10 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hi RM, The negative thoughts are tricky to deal with. Sometimes I find distraction is the only method, I play that silly app farm heros...with the sound off 🙄 I'm somewhere in the middle today. Feeling very flat in mood. That oh hum feeling. Only managed three hours of broken sleep.. but it's better than nothing! I'll pop by your thread today RM ☺️ K

Hi Kristine:

I'm glad you felt well enough to at least play a game. I did manage to take a nice hot bath. Thought it might help my akasthisia in my knees. I can't tell if it did or not.

Take care,

Frogie xx

January 12, 2018

Hi RealMe, LRH, Frogie and Jane, I woke with the usual headache this morning (11:15am currently)...unfortunately it is morphing into a brutal migraine...so I literally don't have the headspace to write any meaningful replies at the moment....dark room, cold flannel, peppermint oil and eye mask....😢 Love you all. K 🌻

January 12, 2018

Update....last night ate two homemade chicken wraps...lettuce, tomato, cucumber, cheese.

6:30 am woke from restless broken sleep..mild anxiety, headache, apathy, prickling skin, severe fatigue and muscle weakness. Tightness and heavy chest. No nausea
7:00am normal meds. Big glass water
7:30am can't move from bed
8:30am Breakfast Sultana Bran..milk. Back to bed....husband talking to me..can't follow what he is saying/feel stupid/can not focus at all..feeling dead inside
9:30 headache keeps increasing...
10:00am feeling the need to eat but don't feel hungry...eat dates
11:00 Migraine/peppermint oil/cold flannel/eye mask/dark room...bed, bed, bed Took Mersyndol for migraine 🙄
1:00pm son made me a sandwich. Deep sadness..filling my abdomen and chest...normal meds
2:00pm sadness is overwhelming now...but it Has nowhere to go, so desperately want to cry but I can't/ prob fluoxetine side effect/ need a outlet..release...feel like I'm bursting at the seams with sadness and despair. Just want to sleep until this is all over..but I can't sleep. Over it, to be honest.
Forgot to mention..vertigo +++ it concerns me I also have it when horizontal in bed...just move my head slightly (left or right) and the whole world spins. Awful. Does anyone else get horizontal vertigo?

K

January 12, 2018

Oh Kristine, so sad for you. I know you’ll get through it. I know you will find the way to get to the other side of this. Your too good a person to be suffering like this. But even while you are in all this misery, you managed to write a very coherent post. You give me a lot of strength and support. I want to do the same for you. I hope you get some needed sleep. I am betting when you wake up you will feel better. I know it.

January 12, 2018

7 hours ago, RealMe said:

How are you doing today, Kristine? I'm having a not so bad day. Thankful for small improvements. I posted in my introduction thread.

Hope you are feeling better. Yes, I believe we will get there. I have to fight the negative thoughts, especially the one that says I'm too old and have done too much damage to my brain and cns. I have to count on neuroplasticity!

I can relate to that old part. But I bet I’m older than all of you. So don’t feel bad. I was born in 1950. Neuroplasticity is key. Right?

January 12, 2018

Thank you D...needed that, mean a lot to me. K xo

January 12, 2018

On 12/01/2018 at 9:59 AM, Longestroadhome said:

Oh wow, Kristine, you have been through so much 😥 it makes me so mad. Your story reminds me of the book that I read a few years ago about an Australian woman initially diagnosed with post natal depression and then subjected to years of medical abuse from psychiatry. Thankfully she lived to tell her story.

Good Morning LRH, Thank you for dropping by 😊 Are you able to remember the name of the book? I'd be interested in reading it.

On 12/01/2018 at 9:59 AM, Longestroadhome said:

If it were not for this site and people like Peter Breggin, David Healy and others I would be in a far worse state today than I am. All they seem to want to do is play around with medications. It does seem that your psychiatrist is one of the better ones.

Same here. For me I was experiencing all these terrifying symptoms with no real answers or validation. I still find it astonishing that people like us are not formally supported by the medical profession to withdraw from these drugs. There are clinic all over Australia to support people withdrawing from illicit drugs such as heroine and crystal meth, as there should be. However, we are left to navigate our own path, flopping about like fish in a drying up river bed! Thank God, for SA....I would be lost without the shared experiences of members and the wisdom and advice of the moderators and Alto.

On 12/01/2018 at 9:59 AM, Longestroadhome said:

All they seem to want to do is play around with medications. It does seem that your psychiatrist is one of the better ones.

I imagine a group of psychiatrists in a room, blindfolded...throwing darts in the hope to hit a target...that is the extent of psychiatrys psychotropic intelligence. Yes, my psychiatrist is open minded, willing to listen and is more focused on the 'non-drug' techniques...she referred me to another psychiatrist for a second option. I was suffering from PAWS but she didn't recognise it, nor did I. Nor did the new psychiatrist. He destroyed me...but I'm ever so slowly coming back to life.

On 12/01/2018 at 9:59 AM, Longestroadhome said:

Today I am happy to say that my creativity is slowly returning. I am more like the wife in the movie The Castle in regards to creations of the strangest kind!

Thank you for writing this because it gives me hope. My imagination is gon. Love The Castle! "How's the serenity?" 😉

44 minutes ago, Longestroadhome said:

Hi Kristine. I hope this morning is better.

A herbal remedy for prevention of migraine headaches is feverfew in tincture form. You might want to look it up.

I little better thank you...I am just so utterly exhausted with all of this, as are most people. I haven't heard of that tincture, thank you. I will look it up ☺️ I like teas as well but I'm keeping it simple at the moment...mainly drink green tea.

I'll drop by your thread soon LRH. Cheers. K 🌻

January 13, 2018

Hi All 😊 Just thought I should share some current situational events in my life. We are renovation our house and will need to move on Tuesday to my brother in laws. He's not living there at the moment. The purpose of the renovation is to accomodate my 90 year old mother in law. So..... level access, wheelchair friendly and so on. My husband is mostly shouldering this burden of renovation and I'm feeling very guilty about that. The other issue is this creative/imagination void I have....for example, colour schemes for the different rooms...I have been staring at paint colour samples...my mind is blank....which leads to feeling useless. My mother in law moving in is a positive. She is an absolute sweetheart, strong as an ox (for her age) and has all her mental faculties! Needless to say, she has never taken an antidepressant.

Love to you all. K 🌻

January 13, 2018

22 hours ago, Kristine said:

Forgot to mention..vertigo +++ it concerns me I also have it when horizontal in bed...just move my head slightly (left or right) and the whole world spins. Awful. Does anyone else get horizontal vertigo?

Hi Kristine,

I have Meniere's Disease. I was diagnosed in my mid-teens. Nothing like having hangover symptoms without drinking a drop. When it's really, really bad, the world can spin standing, sitting, laying down. It gets to the point I can't turn my head even 1 degree or wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Until I was in my late twenties, I used Gravol (dimenhydrinate) to literally put me to sleep so it would settle down. Stress and lack of sleep are MAJOR aggravators in Meniere's.

Hope you're feeling better. Hugs. :wub:

January 13, 2018

On 1/10/2018 at 10:13 PM, Kristine said:

Spot on JS...I think you just summed up the feelings of many of us. K. Xox

Thanks JS

January 13, 2018

43 minutes ago, JustCallMeJane said:

I have Meniere's Disease. I was diagnosed in my mid-teens. Nothing like having hangover symptoms without drinking a drop. When it's really, really bad, the world can spin standing, sitting, laying down. It gets to the point I can't turn my head even 1 degree or wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Until I was in my late twenties, I used Gravol (dimenhydrinate) to literally put me to sleep so it would settle down. Stress and lack of sleep are MAJOR aggravators in Meniere's.

Hope you're feeling better. Hugs.

Oh Jane 😞 That must be a beast to deal with over so many years. Nice to know someone who understands the feeling!! I first experienced it two years ago when I was taken off the citalopram . Then it hit full force back in October 2017. Seemed to be get much worse when the Dex was dropped by 5mg (this was prior to SA and I was clueless)...balance and coordination out the window and this is when vertigo was also a problem when lying down. The fun doesn't stop 🙄 Hugs to you. K

January 13, 2018

LOL Balance and coordination are in the negatives when my Meniere's hits. I've fallen into walls, doors and once off a toilet. Yeah, hilarious to think about now, but at the time, quite embarrassing... face plant on the bathroom floor. Thank God it was my own and not some filthy public washroom. My husband got it once, during a really bad flu season, and said to me afterwards, God, if that's what you go through on a daily basis, no wonder you're so bitchy! LOL Love that man's sense of humour.

January 13, 2018

Lol...😂 Not funny but funny 😂 I've been running into walls and doing my best not to fall off or fall over...fallen once...so putting everything into consideration, that's not too bad! Add on the tremors...well let's just say you wouldn't want to put my in a China shop 😳

January 13, 2018

LOL Yep, I understand that feeling.

Kristine: not alone

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