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☼ Thelongestroadhome: long road back with Lexapro


Thelongestroadhome

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ChessieCat
2 hours ago, Longestroadhome said:

I have experienced bouts of insomnia the past month. Not convinced it is a withdrawal symptoms this late in the game but it does seem strange.

 

It might be related to the covid-19 situation.

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat

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Plodding along inch by inch:  12" = 1',  3' =  36 " or 1 yard,  1760 yards  = 63,360" or 1 mile

Current from 17 Apr 2021:  Pristiq 0.2665mg  now holding each dose for 3 weeks

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My tapering program   My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)  My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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I have had two weeks of normality. No anxiety, no depression, no insomnia. It has been lovely. I am back to my base line now, just background anxiety and a tendency to fall in to a low mood if Not car

Wow, it is December already! A whole year has passed without lexapro in my body. I made it. 2019 was a good year for me.    I am feeling well. There have been a few waves but the windows are mo

https://www.audible.com.au/pd/Living-Without-Stress-or-Fear-Audiobook/B00FGA60D0   The link to the Audible version of the book... for @jozeff

Thelongestroadhome

In September I will be two years drug free. I will probably write my success story then. I feel two years is probably a good amount of time to evaluate my situation honestly. 
 

life continues to go well for me. The bad days of drug withdrawal feel like a lifetime ago. Like anyone I have my ups and downs but I no longer struggle with depression or constant anxiety. I have days where I feel more anxious about things than normal but it’s usually connected to sleep deprivation or an over active mind. I still use my ‘tools’ to help deal with those times. Thank God for Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie, two wonderful people whose simple teaching turned my life around. And thank God for my faith which has been a strong anchor in my life. 

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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Thelongestroadhome

I felt that I needed to write down more precisely how I manage my emotions during an anxiety attack. I know that many people reading will find my testimony hard to understand because of their own intense suffering. Believe me when I say that I understand. In the early days of my diagnosis a well meaning friend bought over a dozen self help books for me to read. I couldn’t sit still for five minutes let alone concentrate on a book! But this technique does not require a lot of time or concentration. Word of warning, it won’t take the problem away but it will help with the intense fear and suffering attached to the problem. Symptom wise you may find no relief but you will be better equipped mentally to deal with it. 
 

I am going to use an example in my own life, a current issue that on many occasions has caused my anxiety to flare up. The imminent loss of my beloved father to end stage Alzheimer’s disease. 
 

First of all I sit with the fear. Then I ask myself what it is that is causing me the most suffering. In this example I will use this thought, ‘I don’t want my dad to die’. 
 

The first question I ask myself in relation to that thought is ‘ is that really true?’ At first I may angrily shout ‘yes of course it is true, I do not want my dad to die’. Then I ask the question again and contemplate it more deeply. My second answer is probably more like this ‘ well I don’t want him to suffer’.... so really I have to answer ‘no, it is not true that I don’t want my dad to die’

 

The third question is ‘how do you feel without that thought?’ Once again I sit and contemplate. I realise that without the thought ‘ I do not want my dad to die’ I feel much less anxiety. Thinking that thought over and over in my mind causes me great anguish. 
 

The fourth question is my favourite and this is where much healing begins. ‘How can you turn that thought around?’ There are many many examples of this, let us go through a few....

 

First example of a turn around. ‘I do want my dad to die’.... first reaction is utter shock and perhaps anger. I argue with that thought! But once again we are asked to sit and contemplate and see if there is any truth in that thought. After about five or ten minutes I realise that not wanting my dad to die is selfish. He is suffering greatly with end stage symptoms of his disease. Do I really want him to continue living like this just so that I can keep my dad here longer? Then I contemplate my dads faith and belief in an after life. He is actually not afraid of death and is looking forward to an eternity with his God. I continue along this path until I can honestly say ‘ I want and accept the death of my beloved father’

 

Another turn around ‘ I do not want ME to die’ wow! How does that make sense? Well let’s think in it. As I spend time in contemplation I realise that the imminent death of my dad stirs up great turmoil in me. I am scared of dying, of collapsing in to the pit of depression once again due to grief. So yes, it is true that I am scared of losing ME, the healthy me that I have become, the ME that I have worked so hard to find after years of drug and drug withdrawal. I don’t want my dad to die partly because I don’t want to die ( crumble in to a black hole) 

 

Lets try another turn around, ‘He does not want ME to die’ ok, contemplative time again. My dad battled depression for years and overcame it through the help of meditation. Seeing me battle the same Demon caused him much anguish. He was overjoyed to see me find a path of healing. I am thankful that he saw me well before his mind forgot who I was. The last thing in the world he would want would for me to DIE ( fall back in to depression) because of his earthly death. For me to survive and thrive would be his greatest wish. 
 

ok, I’ve given a few examples of turnarounds but there are many more. This is just one example but I have many and they have all worked equally well. On many occasions I have found myself laughing heartily over what were initially painful thoughts. Not out of disrespect but out of release. Capturing those thoughts and re examining them has brought me tremendous healing. I can not guarantee that this method will help everyone. I was lucky to escape many physical symptom of withdrawal ( by following a very long and slow withdrawal from meds) and my main area of concern was awful anxiety. Health anxiety was my foe and often my fear prevented me seeking medical help. By using this tool I found confidence to handle my concerns and seek help. I pray that this may help someone reading this today 🙏♥️

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

This is brilliant! Thank you for posting. I'm sure I and many others will be re-reading this often. 

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Thelongestroadhome
2 hours ago, Dejavu said:

This is brilliant! Thank you for posting. I'm sure I and many others will be re-reading this often. 

Thank you for your kind words. It has helped me tremendously and my prayer is that it may help others who are struggling with emotional turmoil 🙏♥️

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

It has already helped me. 😎 Thank you!

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Thelongestroadhome

💓 🙏

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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Hello @Longestroadhome! As a fellow Lexapro victim, I have read and re-read your thread numerous times and want to say that you are my hero. You are so strong and centered and kind! And I love your most recent post about how you manage your panic. It is brilliant and I am trying to apply it to some of my anxiety thinking as I struggle to stabilize from a reinstatement. For me at least, who is wired to think through (not very Eckhart Tolle) and do things to find answers, this is a good exercise. Thank you!

 

I hope you are doing well and staying safe, Cigale

2008-2016 - Lexapro 10 mg, tapered to 2.5 mg over one year then CT without issues
Feb 2 - July 24, 2019 - restarted Lexapro 5 mg for insomnia

July 25 - Nov 19, 2019 - Lexapro 10 mg, resulted in increased anxiety and depression
Nov 20 - Dec 11, 2019 - 3-week FT from Lexapro 10 mg to 7.5 mg to 5 mg to 0
Dec 12, 2019 - Feb 4, 2020 - drug-free and feeling good until horrible WD hit
Feb 5 - Feb 16, 2020 - Paxil 10 mg, adverse reaction
Feb 18, 2020 - reinstated Lexapro 5 mg

Nov 22 - Dec 12, 2020 - transition from pill to homemade liquid

Dec 13, 2020 - 4.7 mg; Jan 3, 2021 - 4.5 mg; Jan 24 - 4.3 mg; Feb 14 - 4.2 mg; March 7 - 4.1 mg

 

daily meditation 10-40 minutes, yoga 30 minutes; CBT & ACT therapy

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Thelongestroadhome
2 hours ago, Cigale said:

Hello @Longestroadhome! As a fellow Lexapro victim, I have read and re-read your thread numerous times and want to say that you are my hero. You are so strong and centered and kind! And I love your most recent post about how you manage your panic. It is brilliant and I am trying to apply it to some of my anxiety thinking as I struggle to stabilize from a reinstatement. For me at least, who is wired to think through (not very Eckhart Tolle) and do things to find answers, this is a good exercise. Thank you!

 

I hope you are doing well and staying safe, Cigale

Thank you so much for your lovely comment. It has touched me deeply ♥️ Many times I post here and think that I am perhaps a fraud for even being here. I haven’t suffered as many side effects as others here and I wonder if my testimony is any use to anyone. I will continue to share in the hope that someone  will find encouragement. 
 

Don’t be despondent in the way that you manage your situation. I never stopped looking for answers. I spent a fortune on supplements and other aides to help with withdrawal. It was through my constant searching for answers that I found the science of brain training. As Winston Churchill famously said, ‘ never never never give up’   

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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Thanks for your time and effort to show us your thoughts.

Appreciate it greatly!

 

Jozeff

- 2000 - 2014, several years Venlafaxine, stopped 3 times, went back after few years.

- 2016 - Okt 2017 citalopram some months 15 mg some months 20 mg

- Nov 2017- Apr 2018 citalopram 25 mg

- April 2018 -  June 2018 citalopram 3 month TAPER too fast  from 25mg to 16.5 mg (0.1 mg per day decrease, felt horrible and crashed)

- June 2018 - Aug13th 2018 citalopram trying to stabilize at 16.5 mg for 5 weeks, felt absolutely awful.

- August 14th 2018 - April 29th 2019  citalopram 18 mg (1.5 mg updose). Try to stabilize.-

START citalopram TAPER 27 apr 2019 @ 18 mg,    29Jun 16.4 mg / 19aug 15.4 mg / 25aug 15.2 mg / 30sep 14.0 mg / 4dec 13.1 mg

2020  03Jan 12.75 mg / 28Jan 12.29 mg / 18Feb 11.83 mg, 25Feb 11.68 mg hold.. / 7May 11.33 mg hold...., 4Aug 10.98 mg / 5Dec 10.0 mg 4 month hold...

2021 30mar 9.8 mg / 06apr 9.5 mg /  13apr 9.4 mg / 14may 8,5 mg / 04jun 8,0 mg / 11jun 7.75 mg

 

 

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Thelongestroadhome
6 hours ago, jozeff said:

Thanks for your time and effort to show us your thoughts.

Appreciate it greatly!

 

Jozeff

Thank you for your kind words 🙏

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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Thelongestroadhome

Another example of capturing a thought and re addressing it. 
 

In this example I will use a thought that I experienced a few months ago in regards to a conversation with my mother. My mother and I have often had a tumultuous relationship and there have been many periods of distancing between us. In this example the conversation had resulted in some unkind ( in my opinion) words that had hurt me considerably. So after slamming the phone down my anguished thought was ‘ My mother is so cruel to me’

 

First question.... ‘is your mother cruel to you?’ Immediate response, ‘yes! She is incredibly cruel with her choice of words’ 

 

second question, ‘is she really cruel to you?’ Ok.... deep contemplation time. In my heart of hearts I know she does not mean to be cruel But I still think she should know better. Because of this I have to truthfully answer ‘no’ but I’m not convinced!!

 

Third question, ‘How do you feel without this thought?’.... I sit with that for about ten minutes and realise that most of my pain comes from thinking my mum does not love me and is deliberately cruel. So yes, without thinking that thought there is much more peace. 
 

The turnaround questions ( there can be many)

 

1. My mother is not cruel to me. Contemplation time! I sit with this one for a good half an hour. I think of all the things my mum has said and done to show her love for me. There are many. So although on that occasion I still think she was cruel I can’t in all honesty define our relationship that way. 
 

2. I am cruel to my mother. What the heck??? I don’t even want to address this absurd thought! But once again I am forced to sit with it and reflect. I don’t like this because suddenly  all the cruel things I have said and done to my mother flash by me like a bad dream. Hate to admit it but it’s true. 
 

3. I am cruel to ME. Ok, this is deep but stay with me. I begin to reflect on the pain I have caused myself with negative self talk over this situation. The words I have repeated over and over again ‘my mum hates me’ ‘ I am unworthy of her love’ ‘ I am unloved’.... and on and on. I realise that I have added to the story and made it a hundred times worse in my mind. I am cruel to myself! Yes I am. 
 

4. My mum is cruel to herself. Reflection time.... yes she is. She tries so hard to be loved but struggles with communication. All her life she has had broken relationships due to her inability to find better words. She is deeply aware of this and it hurts her tremendously yet she can’t seem to change the way she speaks! At 76 years old I fear she will never change but I know that it hurts her. I reflect on some of the things she has said over the years and I begin to laugh... yes laugh! Uncontrollably. For an hour I am in laughter. It is weird but strangely healing. The freedom I feel is unbelievable. 
 

I pick up the phone and apologise to my mum and I really mean it. The hurt has gone and I am totally free from the anxiety associated with it. I can not begin to tell you how good it feels. 

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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Thanks again!

 

I so recognize these racing thoughts.

 

I've had these feelings with a lot of people and contemplating and peacefully thinking what's really going on is a great way to deal with it.

 

However, some people keep showing the same behavior like lazy colleagues for instance. I manage to handle the  negative thoughts about that ( they are evil, they shouldn't get paid a much as I do etc.....) in the evening or weekends but the next day it's all happening again over and over.

 

I'm looking for a way to cope with that. .. just accept that some people may be kind but just don't do much for their money. They smoke cigarettes outside the building 2 hours a day.

 

I've talked about this to my boss many times but he said we're all adults and should deal with it ourselves. I'm not in the position to change jobs.

I've also tried to talk to these people but only got arguments and they felt attacked and were extremely mad for two weeks.

 

 

What could be a coping mechanism here?

 

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

 

- 2000 - 2014, several years Venlafaxine, stopped 3 times, went back after few years.

- 2016 - Okt 2017 citalopram some months 15 mg some months 20 mg

- Nov 2017- Apr 2018 citalopram 25 mg

- April 2018 -  June 2018 citalopram 3 month TAPER too fast  from 25mg to 16.5 mg (0.1 mg per day decrease, felt horrible and crashed)

- June 2018 - Aug13th 2018 citalopram trying to stabilize at 16.5 mg for 5 weeks, felt absolutely awful.

- August 14th 2018 - April 29th 2019  citalopram 18 mg (1.5 mg updose). Try to stabilize.-

START citalopram TAPER 27 apr 2019 @ 18 mg,    29Jun 16.4 mg / 19aug 15.4 mg / 25aug 15.2 mg / 30sep 14.0 mg / 4dec 13.1 mg

2020  03Jan 12.75 mg / 28Jan 12.29 mg / 18Feb 11.83 mg, 25Feb 11.68 mg hold.. / 7May 11.33 mg hold...., 4Aug 10.98 mg / 5Dec 10.0 mg 4 month hold...

2021 30mar 9.8 mg / 06apr 9.5 mg /  13apr 9.4 mg / 14may 8,5 mg / 04jun 8,0 mg / 11jun 7.75 mg

 

 

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Thelongestroadhome

Perhaps start with some thoughts like these;

1. Why am I working so hard and others are so lazy?

 

2. My colleagues are all so lazy. 
 

3. They don’t deserve the job

 

Try going through the steps with questions such as this. Find as many turn arounds as as you can and sit with them long enough to get answers. For example, ‘My colleagues are not lazy’.... is there any truth in that? Can you think of examples where that statement could be applied? Just remember that we can’t deny the truth. They very well may be lazy but right now it is your thoughts about the situation that is causing you anxiety. It’s not about changing THEM but changing the way that YOU think. It is like my mother, I can’t deny the truth that she is terrible with her communication! And she will probably never change. Only I can change. I can stop those negative thoughts around the situation consuming me. Ultimately you are not paying your work colleagues wages, your boss is. If he is not upset enough to deal with them then why should you be? Is there an underlying issue such as you not feeling that you are appreciated as much for the extra work you do? Sit with these questions and contemplate them. Take as much time as you need. See what happens 🙏♥️

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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Thelongestroadhome

 "The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking." - Eckhart Tolle.

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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18 hours ago, Longestroadhome said:

I wonder if my testimony is any use to anyone. I will continue to share in the hope that someone  will find encouragement. 

 

Yes, yes @Longestroadhome - Please keep sharing if you have the time and motivation. Your posts have helped me numerous times. In fact, I have been wanting to ask you about your post from Jan 21, 2018, where you mentioned listening to a monk. Do you remember who that was? I have been leaning on meditation and breathing and presence ala ET (who I discovered thanks to one of your posts :)). 

 

Thank you again and again and again for your generosity! I feel like I get more from your posts than I do from my therapist. (Who believes I am using ADWD as a crutch, something to hide behind....hmmm, I think I could do something with this thought...).

 

With great appreciation! Cigale

2008-2016 - Lexapro 10 mg, tapered to 2.5 mg over one year then CT without issues
Feb 2 - July 24, 2019 - restarted Lexapro 5 mg for insomnia

July 25 - Nov 19, 2019 - Lexapro 10 mg, resulted in increased anxiety and depression
Nov 20 - Dec 11, 2019 - 3-week FT from Lexapro 10 mg to 7.5 mg to 5 mg to 0
Dec 12, 2019 - Feb 4, 2020 - drug-free and feeling good until horrible WD hit
Feb 5 - Feb 16, 2020 - Paxil 10 mg, adverse reaction
Feb 18, 2020 - reinstated Lexapro 5 mg

Nov 22 - Dec 12, 2020 - transition from pill to homemade liquid

Dec 13, 2020 - 4.7 mg; Jan 3, 2021 - 4.5 mg; Jan 24 - 4.3 mg; Feb 14 - 4.2 mg; March 7 - 4.1 mg

 

daily meditation 10-40 minutes, yoga 30 minutes; CBT & ACT therapy

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Thelongestroadhome
3 hours ago, Cigale said:

 

Yes, yes @Longestroadhome - Please keep sharing if you have the time and motivation. Your posts have helped me numerous times. In fact, I have been wanting to ask you about your post from Jan 21, 2018, where you mentioned listening to a monk. Do you remember who that was? I have been leaning on meditation and breathing and presence ala ET (who I discovered thanks to one of your posts :)). 

 

Thank you again and again and again for your generosity! I feel like I get more from your posts than I do from my therapist. (Who believes I am using ADWD as a crutch, something to hide behind....hmmm, I think I could do something with this thought...).

 

With great appreciation! Cigale

Ahh yes! That would be Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk. I was listening to an Audible book by him called ‘ living without stress or fear’. Do you have Audible? I think it is the best investment I ever made! Antidepressants took my ability to read physical books away ( it came back about twelve months ago Thank God 🙏) But Audible was a welcome addition. In fact I think during withdrawal it got me through many tough times. I would sit and paint each evening with Audible playing in the background. I found my concentration better by keeping my hands busy holding a paintbrush. If I tried listening whilst sitting still I’d fall asleep 😂 Thich Nhat  Hanh is probably the most chilled person I’ve ever heard speak and is a living example of what he preaches. 
 

I understand what you mean about therapy. I personally never found a good one. Most seemed intent on dragging up painful memories and forcing me to re live them in the hope of healing a present situation. I tried many but in the end found the greatest healing through self education. 
 

Another Monk (Christian) that I love listening to is Father Thomas Keating. Sadly no longer with us but an expert on the art of Christian contemplative prayer. 

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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Where can I find that Buddhist book?

 

Thank you!

 

Jozeff

- 2000 - 2014, several years Venlafaxine, stopped 3 times, went back after few years.

- 2016 - Okt 2017 citalopram some months 15 mg some months 20 mg

- Nov 2017- Apr 2018 citalopram 25 mg

- April 2018 -  June 2018 citalopram 3 month TAPER too fast  from 25mg to 16.5 mg (0.1 mg per day decrease, felt horrible and crashed)

- June 2018 - Aug13th 2018 citalopram trying to stabilize at 16.5 mg for 5 weeks, felt absolutely awful.

- August 14th 2018 - April 29th 2019  citalopram 18 mg (1.5 mg updose). Try to stabilize.-

START citalopram TAPER 27 apr 2019 @ 18 mg,    29Jun 16.4 mg / 19aug 15.4 mg / 25aug 15.2 mg / 30sep 14.0 mg / 4dec 13.1 mg

2020  03Jan 12.75 mg / 28Jan 12.29 mg / 18Feb 11.83 mg, 25Feb 11.68 mg hold.. / 7May 11.33 mg hold...., 4Aug 10.98 mg / 5Dec 10.0 mg 4 month hold...

2021 30mar 9.8 mg / 06apr 9.5 mg /  13apr 9.4 mg / 14may 8,5 mg / 04jun 8,0 mg / 11jun 7.75 mg

 

 

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Thelongestroadhome
20 hours ago, jozeff said:

Where can I find that Buddhist book?

 

Thank you!

 

Jozeff

I listened to it on Audible. You may also find the written version on Amazon. 

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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Thelongestroadhome

https://youtu.be/P7gqK_poDME

 

I really enjoyed this talk by Eckhart Tolle. He talks here about what to do when positive thinking is working against the strong Physical emotions present in your body. If you have reached the stage where you are experiencing extreme anxiety then trying to think positive thoughts is not going to work. In fact it is probably doing more harm than good and is confusing your brain! The best thing to do is this circumstance is to SIT WITH THE FEAR. To accept it, not to fight against it but to sit with it. It is allowing ourselves to just BE in the present moment. 
 

I have experienced this today. A run of emotional episodes in my personal life has left me weary and emotionally drained. I woke this morning consumed with anxiety. I tried capturing my thoughts but it wasn’t working. I had gone beyond that stage. After listening to the above video I realised where I was going wrong. I have to accept the fear. Learn to sit with it and not fight back. From past experience this may take a few days. Once I am feeling better THEN I can work on my thought pattern. But for now I am going to just have to learn to sit with these feelings and accept that they may be here for a while. But this too Will pass.....

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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Thelongestroadhome

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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Hello @Longestroadhome - You are so kind and thoughtful that despite your challenges you take the time to share another great resource. Thank you!

 

9 hours ago, Longestroadhome said:

Once I am feeling better THEN I can work on my thought pattern. But for now I am going to just have to learn to sit with these feelings and accept that they may be here for a while.

 

And I really connected with this concept today since I have been pushing myself to be more positive, which just seems to make me feel worse. It is all about accepting and being present with whatever you are feeling.

 

Sending you healing hugs. 🤗

2008-2016 - Lexapro 10 mg, tapered to 2.5 mg over one year then CT without issues
Feb 2 - July 24, 2019 - restarted Lexapro 5 mg for insomnia

July 25 - Nov 19, 2019 - Lexapro 10 mg, resulted in increased anxiety and depression
Nov 20 - Dec 11, 2019 - 3-week FT from Lexapro 10 mg to 7.5 mg to 5 mg to 0
Dec 12, 2019 - Feb 4, 2020 - drug-free and feeling good until horrible WD hit
Feb 5 - Feb 16, 2020 - Paxil 10 mg, adverse reaction
Feb 18, 2020 - reinstated Lexapro 5 mg

Nov 22 - Dec 12, 2020 - transition from pill to homemade liquid

Dec 13, 2020 - 4.7 mg; Jan 3, 2021 - 4.5 mg; Jan 24 - 4.3 mg; Feb 14 - 4.2 mg; March 7 - 4.1 mg

 

daily meditation 10-40 minutes, yoga 30 minutes; CBT & ACT therapy

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  • Altostrata changed the title to ☼ Thelongestroadhome: long road back with Lexapro
Thelongestroadhome
On 8/16/2020 at 12:26 AM, Cigale said:

Hello @Longestroadhome - You are so kind and thoughtful that despite your challenges you take the time to share another great resource. Thank you!

 

 

And I really connected with this concept today since I have been pushing myself to be more positive, which just seems to make me feel worse. It is all about accepting and being present with whatever you are feeling.

 

Sending you healing hugs. 🤗

Thank you dear @Cigale for your kind words. I fear that sometimes I am too quick to share   my advice and may inadvertently hurt someone who feels unable to practice what I preach.

 

This week has been a huge learning curve for me because out of the blue I have been hit with intense anxiety. I understand that the source of that was a build up in My personal life situation but still my advice to ‘ capture thoughts’ was NOT helping! Finding the Eckhart video really helped me understand why I was struggling. I had fallen too deep to be helped by thinking happy thoughts. I had to sit with the fear and accept it. Thankfully after a few days of practicing that I am feeling much better and so now I can begin working on looking at my thought life in relation to the situation that caused the anxiety. 

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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Thelongestroadhome

My father has Alzheimer’s. Partly because of awareness of his condition and partly because of covid ( isolation and lockdown)  and loss of his long term partner ( to dementia) he has ended up in a care home. 
 

He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and placed on three different medications, Mirtazapine, an anti psychotic and a benzodiazepine. Two days ago he attempted suicide. This is completely out of character for the dad I know. I am blaming the drugs. 
 

I feel completely useless in these circumstances. Tomorrow’s he is being moved to a locked mental care unit in hospital. They want to play around with his medication. WTF???

 

He is 79 years old and has Alzheimer’s and this is his treatment. God help me if I ever end up like him with doctors force feeding me psychiatric drugs to cure my sadness. Yes, sadness not depression. We are allowed to feel sad aren’t we? It is a normal emotion so why the hell are they drugging him? 
 

 

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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I am so, so sorry to hear about your father @Thelongestroadhome. My heart breaks for you and your father. I know your pain because my father is going through something very similar now. He was recently put on a cocktail of drugs for dementia, and now he is depressed and not eating. He is 84 and has never taken psychoactive drugs. There’s not much I can do for him right now but tell him how much I love him.

 

I swear when I get through this I am going to come out fighting the people who push these poisons.  

2008-2016 - Lexapro 10 mg, tapered to 2.5 mg over one year then CT without issues
Feb 2 - July 24, 2019 - restarted Lexapro 5 mg for insomnia

July 25 - Nov 19, 2019 - Lexapro 10 mg, resulted in increased anxiety and depression
Nov 20 - Dec 11, 2019 - 3-week FT from Lexapro 10 mg to 7.5 mg to 5 mg to 0
Dec 12, 2019 - Feb 4, 2020 - drug-free and feeling good until horrible WD hit
Feb 5 - Feb 16, 2020 - Paxil 10 mg, adverse reaction
Feb 18, 2020 - reinstated Lexapro 5 mg

Nov 22 - Dec 12, 2020 - transition from pill to homemade liquid

Dec 13, 2020 - 4.7 mg; Jan 3, 2021 - 4.5 mg; Jan 24 - 4.3 mg; Feb 14 - 4.2 mg; March 7 - 4.1 mg

 

daily meditation 10-40 minutes, yoga 30 minutes; CBT & ACT therapy

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  • 1 month later...
Thelongestroadhome
On 8/19/2020 at 6:56 PM, Cigale said:

I am so, so sorry to hear about your father @Thelongestroadhome. My heart breaks for you and your father. I know your pain because my father is going through something very similar now. He was recently put on a cocktail of drugs for dementia, and now he is depressed and not eating. He is 84 and has never taken psychoactive drugs. There’s not much I can do for him right now but tell him how much I love him.

 

I swear when I get through this I am going to come out fighting the people who push these poisons.  

Thank you for your kind words. I have been absent here due to ongoing stress related to my dad. 
 

My dad spent two weeks in a locked ward in the mental health  facility. He returned to his aged care home in a zombie like state with a cocktail of Psychiatric and anti psychotic medication. I barely recognised him when I went to visit. But the doctor did tell me that my dad is not clinically depressed, merely ‘sad’ about his life. This, however, did not stop them prescribing him the medication. I fear it is more for the benefit of the aged care home than dad. They require a quiet, sedated patient who doesn’t give them as much work.  
 

I guess you can spend your whole life fighting big pharma but in the end they get you at your weakest and most vulnerable point. 
 

 

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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  • Administrator

That is so sad. Can you ask them to minimize the drugs they're giving him? There's evidence that psychiatric drug cocktails aren't good for seniors.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thelongestroadhome
2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

That is so sad. Can you ask them to minimize the drugs they're giving him? There's evidence that psychiatric drug cocktails aren't good for seniors.

I spoke to the Psychiatrist but she insisted that the combination of medications were acting as ‘mood stabilisers’ and were necessary. Psychiatrist don’t like being questioned either! I sensed annoyance from her by daring to contradict her decision. 
The drugs will certainly have a negative impact on Dad’s cognitive decline, the psychiatrist admitted that. 

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

If it was me, I'd be doing a drug interaction check and printing it out and confronting, I mean showing (yer right 😉), the psychiatrist with it.

NEW!!!     INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder    NEW!!! 

 

Plodding along inch by inch:  12" = 1',  3' =  36 " or 1 yard,  1760 yards  = 63,360" or 1 mile

Current from 17 Apr 2021:  Pristiq 0.2665mg  now holding each dose for 3 weeks

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My tapering program   My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)  My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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  • Administrator

You might mention conferring with a higher authority, surely the psychiatrist has a supervisor or is under regulation by a local agency?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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@Thelongestroadhome Hi. I want to thank you soooo much for this last page in your postings. Your explanation and examples of the method you use to challenge your thinking really spoke to me today. What you suggest is so practical and do-able, that I'm going to add it to my tool kit of CBT coping mechanisms. I actually felt uplifted by your words and can't wait to try your questioning and contemplation approach. It's kind of an expansion on things I learned in CBT, but it's helpful to keep it fresh.

 

I, too, am a great fan of Eckhart Tolle. Haven't listened to him lately, but this inspires me to go back and tune in to some of the videos I saved on YouTube. 

Thank you!

Celexa - 20 mg May 2015 - March 2016 (Felt quite good)..... Celexa taper from May 2016 - Nov 2016.....Depression and Anxiety returned June 2017

July, 2017: Zoloft = 25 mg;  Aug. 2017 = 37.5 mg; Nov. 2017 = 50 mg thru Jan. 23, 2018.

Jan. 2018 - May 6, 2019 = taper Zoloft from 50 mg to 12.5 mg.  Aug. 11, 2019 - felt so bad that I reinstated at 25mg. Hold at this dose until Feb. 3, 2020

Feb. 4, 2020 = reduce dose to 21.875 mg. Hold for 10 weeks. April 14, 2020 = 18.75 mg. Hold for 10 weeks.  

June10, 2020 - start cycle of 2 weeks to taper slowly from old dose to new dose, then hold at new dose for 6-7 weeks.

June 23, 2020  = 16.666 mg.........August 26, 2020 = 14.75 mg ....... October 28, 2020 = 13.15 mg

2021: Jan. 1 = 11.85 mg....Feb. 26 = 10.5 mg....April 23 = 9.3 mg....May 28 = 8.01 mg

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Thelongestroadhome
9 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

If it was me, I'd be doing a drug interaction check and printing it out and confronting, I mean showing (yer right 😉), the psychiatrist with it.

We are in the process of moving him to a new facility in which case he will be under a different medical team. Fingers crossed they will work towards his better good 😋

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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Thelongestroadhome
9 hours ago, Altostrata said:

You might mention conferring with a higher authority, surely the psychiatrist has a supervisor or is under regulation by a local agency?

We are in the process of moving him to a new facility with a different   medical team so fingers crossed 🙏

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

Link to post
Thelongestroadhome
6 hours ago, Artistic1 said:

@Thelongestroadhome Hi. I want to thank you soooo much for this last page in your postings. Your explanation and examples of the method you use to challenge your thinking really spoke to me today. What you suggest is so practical and do-able, that I'm going to add it to my tool kit of CBT coping mechanisms. I actually felt uplifted by your words and can't wait to try your questioning and contemplation approach. It's kind of an expansion on things I learned in CBT, but it's helpful to keep it fresh.

 

I, too, am a great fan of Eckhart Tolle. Haven't listened to him lately, but this inspires me to go back and tune in to some of the videos I saved on YouTube. 

Thank you!

I am so thrilled to hear that 🙏 Sometimes I wonder if anything I have written is any use to people so when I receive messages like this it makes my day!

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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@Thelongestroadhome Hi, again. I went back and read through most of your thread, and honestly, I think you should write a book that includes all your posts here. You have a real way with words and of expressing exactly what many of us feel and are going through. It's so comforting to have someone else put into words what I myself am thinking and experiencing. Truly, your posts read a bit like Baylissa Frederick. I don't see any reason why you couldn't collect your writings here and perhaps any journaling you might have done and put them into a small booklet. It would really be helpful to others. I have already printed out some excerpts from your posts to reread when I need help.

Best wishes!

Celexa - 20 mg May 2015 - March 2016 (Felt quite good)..... Celexa taper from May 2016 - Nov 2016.....Depression and Anxiety returned June 2017

July, 2017: Zoloft = 25 mg;  Aug. 2017 = 37.5 mg; Nov. 2017 = 50 mg thru Jan. 23, 2018.

Jan. 2018 - May 6, 2019 = taper Zoloft from 50 mg to 12.5 mg.  Aug. 11, 2019 - felt so bad that I reinstated at 25mg. Hold at this dose until Feb. 3, 2020

Feb. 4, 2020 = reduce dose to 21.875 mg. Hold for 10 weeks. April 14, 2020 = 18.75 mg. Hold for 10 weeks.  

June10, 2020 - start cycle of 2 weeks to taper slowly from old dose to new dose, then hold at new dose for 6-7 weeks.

June 23, 2020  = 16.666 mg.........August 26, 2020 = 14.75 mg ....... October 28, 2020 = 13.15 mg

2021: Jan. 1 = 11.85 mg....Feb. 26 = 10.5 mg....April 23 = 9.3 mg....May 28 = 8.01 mg

Link to post
Thelongestroadhome
On 9/28/2020 at 2:48 AM, Artistic1 said:

@Thelongestroadhome Hi, again. I went back and read through most of your thread, and honestly, I think you should write a book that includes all your posts here. You have a real way with words and of expressing exactly what many of us feel and are going through. It's so comforting to have someone else put into words what I myself am thinking and experiencing. Truly, your posts read a bit like Baylissa Frederick. I don't see any reason why you couldn't collect your writings here and perhaps any journaling you might have done and put them into a small booklet. It would really be helpful to others. I have already printed out some excerpts from your posts to reread when I need help.

Best wishes!

You have no idea how much that means to me, I have a lump in my throat hearing that 🙏♥️ All I have ever wanted is to be able to use my experience to help others. I often wish I could go back in time and change the way that I dealt with my depression in the beginning. Of course nobody can do that but if I can write something that will help someone in their suffering then it is all worthwhile. 
 

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

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