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Rosetta: cold switch May 2011 & too fast taper Feb 2017


Rosetta

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  • Mentor

That is great news, @Rosetta. I am always amazed at the detail you give in your descriptions that are so informative.

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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I am so SO happy for you Rosetta!!!  Please let us know how the birthday goes!!!!

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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19 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I'm daring to hope that I am turning a corner on the anxiety!

Great news! Have a great time!

Dalalea's Introduction

Off All SSRI Medications: Effexor 2010 one month
Sertraline 50 mg. but only took 25 mg. daily because of dizziness. 2010 to July 2017

Tapered over 2 months beginning the 1st of June 2017 -- Off Sertraline by July 30, 2017

Current Medication: Losartan (blood pressure), Albuterol (for asthma- only as needed)
Current Symptoms: tinnitus, hearing loss in one ear, allergies

My Plan: Prayer, Scripture, Walk, Yoga, Encourage Others, Healthy Eating
Generic SSRI Withdrawal Symptom and Plan Checklists and Graph.xlsx

Current Supplements: Magnesium Threonate, Fish Oil, probiotic, B-12, C, D-3

Current Essential Oils: Frankincense, Bergamot, Orange, Lemon, Lavender, Peppermint, Clove
Current Essential Oil Blends: Brain Power, Clarity, Stress Away

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@Dalalea @wantrelief @Rabe

 

Thank you all.  I am very hopeful, but scared of the setback that I know will come, too.  

 

 To everyone:

I'm very sorry I can't read and write here very much.  Soon after I start my neck tenses up and my face begins to tingle.  If I ignore that I end up with a headache and I can't be with my family very easily.  I'm thinking of all of you constantly.  The website is never far from my mind.

 

This morning I had a few cortisol spikes each time I woke up.  I awake afraid and it took time for the feeling to go away.  This may be my worst symptom right now.  That and the muscle tension -- which I did not have last night. 

 

Day 28

 

I made it through the birthday celebration quite well.  The night before, I was suffering from broken sleep, had neck pain most of the night, and I woke up with a headache.  I had a short meltdown trying to get ready to leave the house.  I took a short Epsom salt bath.  Leaving home before noon is very hard for me.  It made very anxious, and I cried.  My husband helped me calm, and we had a lovely little party for my daughter at her grandmother's.  Her friend from preschool came with her little brother and her mother.  The cake was pretty good.  

 

My anxiety eased even more after we ate, and we took the kids to a theme park.  We walked around there for many hours.  So, I got my exercise.  I didn't feel much anxiety, but when I became very tired at about 6:00, it returned.  I needed to be home, but that wasn't going to happen for hours.  We had to go back to my MIL's, pack up and drive home.  I survived without a meltdown.  My daughter had a great birthday celebration, and I am so relieved that it was a positive experience for both of us!

 

The whole experience made me so grateful that I don't get very angry when I feel anxiety.  That used to happen for years even while I was still on Zoloft.   One more improvement!!  Even when I felt anxious about getting to the exit and driving home, I didn't get angry, and I didn't panic.  I did what I had to do like a normal person would.  It wasn't a matter of having to fight off those feelings.  I simply felt resigned.  (I still get angry if my husband says something critical about how I'm handling things.  That's probably normal, but it brings back the memory of intense anger I used to have and thus, it's very unpleasant.  It ramps up my anxiety.)

 

So, I hope this post is encouraging.  Avoiding more drugs really does work for me.  I am healing.  It's getting better -- the anxiety, the pain in my muscles, my emotions -- everything.  Still, there has been no visit from Mother Nature, but there are signs that it's coming.  It's day number 28.  Maybe all these improvements are related to the place I am in the cycle, but I hope they are improvements in WD itself, too.  I hope my hormones are having less effect on my WD and vice versa.  If not, it was a huge stroke of luck that the birthday Saturday was unaffected by PMS.  WD has to let up someday!! 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Hi Rosetta,

I am so happy and grateful to hear that the birthday celebration went so well!  You both received gifts!

I am sorry that you continue to struggle so.  I was just reading some recent posts and was teary, read yours and began to cry.  For whatever reason reading all of this has made me so so sad...not sure if was recent drop in Viibryd, recent trauma work re my inpatient stay, or just the usual mood changes.  Sometimes I feel so...I don't know...guess a mixture of a ton of feelings as to hows and whys so many people are in this scenario.... I am thinking about you so much, Rosetta, and wanted you to know that.  I hope today gets better for you.  Many blessings!!!!  

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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and what you wrote about letting go of a plan was so helpful to me...thank you!

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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Hi DMV64,

What you said about accepting not being able to function the way you did and being ok with that was so helpful to me.  I struggle with that I think because of wanting so to be the friend and mom that I was and the expectations from others in that regard.  Thank you for your comments!!!  Take care!!

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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@Rabe Yes, those emotions come up for me as well.  It's is a wide scale tragedy.  I get overwhelmed by that.  It seems to me that should be natural for anyone, but most people don't know how awful this condition actually is.  Distract yourself from the issue.  You can't change it.  So, please don't worry too much about it right now.  Someday you will be well enough to make some difference.  Not now.  

 

 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment

I hope someday to do that.  Just having trouble with the anxiety, wonder how I will deal with he panic I have had for as long as can remember, into lost of what ifs today that keep me from just going and doing and feed that negative narrative.  This too shall pass.  You are special Rosetta!!!  Your daughter us blessed to have you!!!

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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  • Moderator

Very well done Rosetta. I'm so glad that things went well.  It shows that things really are improving.

 

((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

 

Brass

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Good for you Rosetta. 

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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On 4/29/2018 at 11:13 AM, Rosetta said:

One more improvement!!  Even when I felt anxious about getting to the exit and driving home, I didn't get angry, and I didn't panic.  I did what I had to do like a normal person would.  It wasn't a matter of having to fight off those feelings.  I simply felt resigned.

I see victory here! I'm so happy everything worked out and when you pushed back on the anxiety, it just felt familiar without being allowed to take over your life.

Very good!

Dalalea

Dalalea's Introduction

Off All SSRI Medications: Effexor 2010 one month
Sertraline 50 mg. but only took 25 mg. daily because of dizziness. 2010 to July 2017

Tapered over 2 months beginning the 1st of June 2017 -- Off Sertraline by July 30, 2017

Current Medication: Losartan (blood pressure), Albuterol (for asthma- only as needed)
Current Symptoms: tinnitus, hearing loss in one ear, allergies

My Plan: Prayer, Scripture, Walk, Yoga, Encourage Others, Healthy Eating
Generic SSRI Withdrawal Symptom and Plan Checklists and Graph.xlsx

Current Supplements: Magnesium Threonate, Fish Oil, probiotic, B-12, C, D-3

Current Essential Oils: Frankincense, Bergamot, Orange, Lemon, Lavender, Peppermint, Clove
Current Essential Oil Blends: Brain Power, Clarity, Stress Away

Link to comment
On 4/29/2018 at 11:13 AM, Rosetta said:

I'm very sorry I can't read and write here very much.  Soon after I start my neck tenses up and my face begins to tingle.  If I ignore that I end up with a headache

Is this an ergonomic issue or something else? If I am on my phone or iPad too much, I get blurry vision and neck aches that take hours to go away. Very frustrating when I don't feel like doing much but can't look at this forum or facebook without risking more pain.

Dalalea's Introduction

Off All SSRI Medications: Effexor 2010 one month
Sertraline 50 mg. but only took 25 mg. daily because of dizziness. 2010 to July 2017

Tapered over 2 months beginning the 1st of June 2017 -- Off Sertraline by July 30, 2017

Current Medication: Losartan (blood pressure), Albuterol (for asthma- only as needed)
Current Symptoms: tinnitus, hearing loss in one ear, allergies

My Plan: Prayer, Scripture, Walk, Yoga, Encourage Others, Healthy Eating
Generic SSRI Withdrawal Symptom and Plan Checklists and Graph.xlsx

Current Supplements: Magnesium Threonate, Fish Oil, probiotic, B-12, C, D-3

Current Essential Oils: Frankincense, Bergamot, Orange, Lemon, Lavender, Peppermint, Clove
Current Essential Oil Blends: Brain Power, Clarity, Stress Away

Link to comment

@Rabe @Dalalea @Downbutnotout Thanks everyone.

 

Thank you, Brassmonkey.  Things are improving.  It is so slow, but I'm glad there is progress.

 

Thanks for dropping by Downbutnotout.  Rabe, thanks.  I am glad I made it through the birthday issue.  I was worried.

 

 Dalalea, I have no idea if it's ergonomic.  I don't know what it is.  Some kind of muscle tension?  A problem with my eye?  A nerve that is pinched?  Typing makes it worse.  I can watch tv just fine.

 

Today is Day 29.  I had a rough day.  I slept ok last night, but I was anxious and sad when I woke up in the night.

 

I spent the morning anxious, very sad and crying.  My daughter is turning 7, and I am desperately sad that I've been in a bad state for over two years.  I wish I could go back and enjoy her 5th year and her 6th year.  I was so anxious that my husband took my daughter to school without me.  Then, we went to breakfast and for a long walk around the lake.  I was much more calm after that.   I became sleepy at about 2:00, but I had to pick up my daughter.   She was tired and hungry, and she cried when she had to do homework.  She wanted me to play with her, but I couldn't.  I couldn't go to gymnastics either.  

 

What WD has taken from me in terms of these precious younger years with my daughter makes me very, very sad.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

ergonomic.  I don't know what it is.  Some kind of muscle tension?  A problem with my eye?  A nerve that is pinched?  Typing makes it worse.  I can watch tv just fine.

My neck and shoulder muscles kind of freeze and tighten if I look down at my phone or tablet for very long. For several days I'll have very tight back, shoulder, and neck pain, and sometimes headaches after that. Holding it at eye level helps but then my arms hurt! 🙄Your pain problem just sort of reminded me of that. Another time I got it, I was playing video games with my grandson and holding the controller with lots of stress and tension. (I was losing!) It made my shoulders and back hurt really bad for several days! 

I hope you have a good week!

Dalalea

Dalalea's Introduction

Off All SSRI Medications: Effexor 2010 one month
Sertraline 50 mg. but only took 25 mg. daily because of dizziness. 2010 to July 2017

Tapered over 2 months beginning the 1st of June 2017 -- Off Sertraline by July 30, 2017

Current Medication: Losartan (blood pressure), Albuterol (for asthma- only as needed)
Current Symptoms: tinnitus, hearing loss in one ear, allergies

My Plan: Prayer, Scripture, Walk, Yoga, Encourage Others, Healthy Eating
Generic SSRI Withdrawal Symptom and Plan Checklists and Graph.xlsx

Current Supplements: Magnesium Threonate, Fish Oil, probiotic, B-12, C, D-3

Current Essential Oils: Frankincense, Bergamot, Orange, Lemon, Lavender, Peppermint, Clove
Current Essential Oil Blends: Brain Power, Clarity, Stress Away

Link to comment

Today is the 7th anniversary of the day the OB in the hospital switched my AD from Celexa/citalopram to Zoloft/sertraline.  

 

It has been a little over 15 months since I quit Zoloft on a fast taper.

 

I'm feeling a great deal of emotion.  That switch started me down the path of having my Zoloft dose constantly raised until it was 150 mg.  Many of those increases kindled me.  My life over the past 6 1/2 years has been less than enjoyable, but the time since I quit Zoloft cold turkey has been particularly awful.  Last year at this time I didn't know why I was intensely anxious and having Parenthesia of my arm, neck and face.  I thought I might have had a stroke.  I suppose I did, in a way. 

 

It is Day 29 of my cycle.  I had two cortisol spikes this morning even though I use an eye pillow.  I am feeling pretty bad, emotionally, today.  More tears, more deep sadness, more grief for lost time.  I really need this to end.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • Mentor

@Rosetta

 

Oh wow: I hear you. It is criminal the carnage zoloft leaves in its wake. The emotional/psychological/mental/physical pain is indescribable (although you do a really good job of putting it all into words). I am sorry that any of us are experiencing this. I think of reinstatement every single day to make this stop. Know that you are not alone. I don't know if that helps but it is the best I an come up with now.

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

I am feeling pretty bad, emotionally, today.  More tears, more deep sadness, more grief for lost time.  I really need this to end.

I am so sorry, Rosetta.  Try to remember the positive changes you've noticed lately as you go through this difficult time. This will all come to an end, Rosetta....you are getting there slowly but surely.  Big hugs - WR.

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

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  • Moderator

I'm really sorry you are having a rough time.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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  • Moderator

Rosetta-- I think i'm detecting an under current of Spiral thinking in you recent posts.  It can creep in without our even noticing it.  You may want to reread the thread on it:

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

I know this wave has been going on for a very long time, but from the outside there have been some big improvements.  Things are getting better.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Thank you, @FarmGirlWorks @wantrelief @Frogie @Rabe @Dalalea @Downbutnotout @DMV64 @Kristine @DaveB @Waterfall @RealMe and Brassmonkey

 

It is important to me to have support.  Even just short messages to let me know you care mean the world to me.  My husband can only take so much.  Thank you all for visiting these past few weeks and leaving a note.  I'm so grateful.

 

This is PMS on steroids.  It's as if the huge drop after a good day and the PMS are combining.  I feel super anxious, then sleepy and then I feel too awake, but then I'm crying uncontrollably, then I become calm for a while, etc.. It's emotions bouncing around like mad.  The ping ponging again.  Brassmonkey, I'm glad you chimed in just when I was thinking of asking you or someone if my recent improvements mean what I hope they mean.  I did notice the spiral thinking, and I am trying to stop it.  Maybe I need to cry.  I don't know.  I find myself doubting that this will ever end, but I know that's silly.  I believe that it will end, and yet I feel so intensely sad about today.  The tears are just streaming, and I feel that grief as if someone very close had died just recently.  It's happening even when I'm distracted, but when the show ends or it's time to move on to something else, the grief washes over me again.  Maybe I'm mourning the loss of today.  Knowing this isn't over and won't be soon is very difficult.  Fifteen months.  I'm tired.  I'm tired the way I was when I used to be deeply depressed so many years ago.  The good days seem to take a lot out of me, and there is such a crash later.  I'll come back up.

 

I'm going to take an Epsom salt bath now. 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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7 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

 The good days seem to take a lot out of me, and there is such a crash later.  I'll come back up.

Hi Rosetta!

I think you said it all right there! I keep data on my symptoms in spreadsheet form and actually make a graph. (I'm a nerd!) I've noticed that anytime I have a big day or a trip or even a little day trip, I have more symptoms during the next few days. I'm not going to give up on having the good times that are more taxing but, I've learned to expect a few worse days right after. It sounds like negative thinking but it actually prepares me and helps me accept and keep going when I make those dips in mood or physical symptoms.

I'm hoping you get back to where you were soon. I'm sure 18 months feels like forever!

Dalalea 🧡

 

Dalalea's Introduction

Off All SSRI Medications: Effexor 2010 one month
Sertraline 50 mg. but only took 25 mg. daily because of dizziness. 2010 to July 2017

Tapered over 2 months beginning the 1st of June 2017 -- Off Sertraline by July 30, 2017

Current Medication: Losartan (blood pressure), Albuterol (for asthma- only as needed)
Current Symptoms: tinnitus, hearing loss in one ear, allergies

My Plan: Prayer, Scripture, Walk, Yoga, Encourage Others, Healthy Eating
Generic SSRI Withdrawal Symptom and Plan Checklists and Graph.xlsx

Current Supplements: Magnesium Threonate, Fish Oil, probiotic, B-12, C, D-3

Current Essential Oils: Frankincense, Bergamot, Orange, Lemon, Lavender, Peppermint, Clove
Current Essential Oil Blends: Brain Power, Clarity, Stress Away

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29 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

I find myself doubting that this will ever end,

Oh honey! I know! I feel the same but I know I KNOW it will get better. Hang on to that. You are brave and strong! xoxo

2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg.  2011- increase to 1 mg.  2018- increase to 1.5 mg 

2010- Trials of SSRI's, several.

2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete!

2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete!

2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg.

2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg

2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT.

2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin.

2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding.

Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium

 

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30 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

good days seem to take a lot out of me,

Also relate to this. Any shift in my routine is a potential for a dip.

2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg.  2011- increase to 1 mg.  2018- increase to 1.5 mg 

2010- Trials of SSRI's, several.

2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete!

2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete!

2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg.

2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg

2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT.

2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin.

2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding.

Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium

 

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This is simply ridiculous.  I made it through 7 years of higher education with no ADs, and now after ADs I can't function as a housewife!!  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Hello my dear friend, How I wish I could take away all your suffering. You're right,  it is "simply ridiculous", trying to make sense of it all is mind boggling. You have made so many improvements and I admire your strength and perseverance so much. As we know, this "experience" is not a linear process. Our windows are inevitably followed by massive dips into what sometimes feel like an abyss. However, I'm positive your windows will become longer in duration. During these times you will begin to experience more clarity which will indeed strengthen you further. Helping you crawl out of the abyss a little easier. I don't think this is wishful thinking on my part...I truly believe you are going to be okay...it is all just so painfully slow. Sending you Love and the biggest of (((hugs))). K xo

  • Citalopram 20mg - 40mg ~ approx 2010 - October 2015 (stopped over one week)
  • Parnate  20mg - 50mg and olazapine 5mg ~ Jan 2016 - May 2016 (ceased over 2 days) 
  • Lithium 450mg-900 mg and Thyroxin ~May 2016 - May 2017
  • Diazepam various doses (including PRN) ~ 2015 - 2017
  • Oxazepam various doses (including PRN) ~ May 2016 - June 2016
  • Lurasidone 20mg ~Mid May 2016 - Mid June 2016
  • Vortioxetine 10mg - 20mg ~ 6th June 2016 - 20th July 2016 (abruptly ceased)
  • Amitriptyline 200mg ~July 2016 - September 2016 (ceased over 1 week)
  • Nortriptyline  (dose ?) ~October 2016 ~ November 2016 (abruptly ceased)
  • Seroquel XR 100mg - 300mg ~ May 2016 - August 2017 (ceased over 3 weeks)
  • Escitalopram 10mg - 30mg ~ August 2016 - March 2017 (ceased over 2 weeks)
  • Bupropion 300mg ~ December 2016 - May 2017 (ceased over 1 week)
  • Clonazepam 1.5mg daily ~ July 2016 (started tapering May 2017 - September 2017 currently on 0.375mg..ie 0.125mg TDS) 27th May 2018 5% 0.357mg (possible paradoxical reaction - see benzo thread)  28th June 5% 0.337mg, 28th July 10% 0.303mg, 12th September10% 0.272mg, 18th September reinstated 10% due to intolerable WD 0.303mg, 1st October-11th Oct 10% (1% reduction over 10 days) 0.272mg, 22nd October clonazepam ceased crossed over 10mg diazepam
  •  Dexamphatamine 20mg ~ December 2016 (started tapering October 2017 - tapered 1.25mg 4th Dec 2017, 1.25mg 19th Dec 2017 6.25mg, Speed up decrease due to major interaction between Dex and fluoxetine- ref to thread 10% 17th Feb 2018 5.63mg, 10% 21st Feb 2018 5.1mg, 10% 26th Feb 2018 4.5mg 10% 28th Feb 4.1mg, 10% 1st March 3.7mg, 10% 5th March 3.3mg, 10% 8th March 3mg, 10% 10th March 2.7mg, 10% 12th March 2.4mg, 10% 14th March 2.16mg, 10% 16th March 1.94mg, 10% 18th March 1.74mg, 10% 20th March 1.57mg, 10% 21st March 1.41mg, 10% 22nd March 1.26mg, 10% 23rd March 1.13mg, 10% 24th March 1.01mg, 10% 25th March 0.9mg, 10% 27th March 0.81mg, 10% 29th March 0.73mg, 10% 31st March 0.66mg, 10% 2nd April 0.59mg , 10% 4th April 0.53mg, 10% 6th April 0.47mg, 10% 8th April 0.42mg, 10%10th April 0.37mg, 11th April 0.2mg, 12th April 0.1mg (last dose) OFF! 
  • Fluoxetine 40mg ~December 2016 - 31 Jan 2018 reduced to 20mg (probable serotonin toxicity) 10th March 2020 10mg (1:1 ratio), 7th April 9mg, 1st May 8.5mg, 15th May 8.0mg, 27th May 7.5mg, 8th Sept 7.2mg, 2nd Oct 7mg, 19th Oct 6.8mg, 28th Oct 6.6mg, 5th Nov 6.4mg, 26th Nov 6mg, 2nd April 2021 5.9mg, 9th April 5.8mg, 19th April 5.75mg, 22nd April 5.7mg, 26th April 5.65mg,28th April 5.6mg, 1st May 5.5mg, 4th May 5.45mg, 7th May 5.4mg, 10th May 5.35mg, 12th May 5.3mg, 15th May 5.25mg, 18th May 5.2mg, 20th May 5.15mg, 22nd May 5mg, 10th July 4.5mg, 9th Aug 4.48mg (switched from syringe to pipette method), 12th Aug 4.46mg, 14th Aug 4.4mg, 18th Aug 4.38mg, 19th Aug 4.36mg, 20th Aug 4.34, 21st 4.32mg, 22nd 4.3mg, 23rd Aug 4mg (hold), (micro-taper) 12th Oct 2021 3.98mg, 14th Oct 3.96mg, 15th Oct 3.94mg, 16th Oct 3.92mg, 17th Oct 3.9mg, 18th Oct 3.88mg, 19th Oct 3.86mg, 21st Oct 3.84mg, 22nd Oct 3.82mg, 23rd Oct 3.8mg, 24th Oct 3.78mg, 25th Oct 3.76mg, 26th Oct 3.74mg, 27th Oct 3.72mg, (WD reached intolerable level, reinstated 0.06mg) 28th Oct 3.8mg, 7th March 2022 3.7mg, 21st March 3.6mg, 4th April 3.5mg, 18th April 3.4mg, 2nd May 3.3mg, 16th May 3.2mg, 20th June 3.1mg, 4th July 3mg, 18th July 2.9mg, 12th September 2.7mg, 18th October 2.5mg, 14th Nov 2.3mg, 12th December 2.1mg, 18th January 2023 1.9mg, 9th July 2023 1.88mg, 16th July 1.86mg, 23rd July 1.84mg, 30th July 1.82mg, 6th Aug 1.80mg, 10th Sept 1.7mg, 12th Oct 1.68mg, 23rd Oct 1.66mg, 30th Oct 1.64mg, 6th Nov 1.62mg, 13th Nov 1.60mg, (2:1 ratio) 30th Dec 1.597mg, 7th Jan 2024 1.595mg, 8th 1.592mg,  10th 1.589, 11th 1.587, 12th 1.585, 13th 1.583, 14th 1.58 cont… 5th Feb 1.56mg, 11th Feb 1.55mg, 19th Feb 1.54mg, 26th Feb 1.53mg, 4th March 1.52mg, 11th March 1.51mg, 25th March 1.50mg, 1st April 1.49mg
  • Diazepam 10mg ~ 22nd Oct 2018, 10th November 8mg, 14th Nov 7mg, 8th December 6mg, 30th December 5mg (Nocte), 7th March 2019 4.5mg,14th March 4mg, 5th April 3.5mg, 9th April 3mg, 18th April 2.5mg,1st May 2mg, 17th May 1.75mg, 25th May 1.6mg, 4th June 1.59mg, 5th June 1.58mg, 6th June 1.57mg, 7th June 1.56mg, 8th June 1.55mg, 22nd June 1.4mg, 4th July 1.2mg, 16th July 1mg, 30th July 0.8mg, 13th Aug 0.6mg, 28th Aug 0.4mg, 10th Sept 0.2mg, 23rd Sept Off! 
  • SR Circadin 2mg (melatonin) 25th May - 20th June 
  • Zolpidem 10mg 25th May (7 tablets)
  • Supplements: Magnesium glycinate (soluble - sip throughout the day) 

 

"Whenever you feel yourself doubting how far you can go,  just remember how far you have come.  Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome"    Unknown 

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3 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I find myself doubting that this will ever end, but I know that's silly.  

No matter how many times I go through that feeling, it still returns with full power!  Yesterday I was experiencing it and telling myself it just isn't true, but I was not believing it.  I have to keep trying to appeal to my intelligence because my emotions are spaghetti-o's during a wave.  I don't get PMS anymore, but I used to get it something awful.  It's so hard to think of you suffering so.  I hope you feel better soon, friend.

 

 

Alcohol periodic excessive 1963-1976, Valium sporadic 1964-1973,  Imipramine off & on 1982-1985, Fluoxetine 10mg-80 mg. Oct., 1995-Jan., 2014; Cymbalta, other ADs 1/2014-3/2014; Abilify 5 mg. 3/2014 - 8/8/17; Trintellix 20 mg. 3/2014 - 9/2017; Propranolol 60-80 mg. sporadically Sept-Oct, 2017; Seroquel few days Sept 2017 (c/t); Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sept, 2017 updosed to 300 mg. few days till c/t Oct 8, 2017, fish oil, vitD, vitE Oct 16, 2017-pres. Lipoflavonoid 4/2017-pres.  Fluoxetine 10 mg. Sept-Oct 8, 2017, 20 mg. 10/9- 10/15; 10 mg. 10/16 - 12/29;  9 mg. 12/30 - 2/9; 2 mL liquid (8.1mg) 2/10 - 3/7; 1.8 mL (7.29 mg) 3/8 -3/20; 1.6 mL (6.561mg) 3/20-4/2; 1.4 mL (5.9 mg) 4/3-4/14; 1mL (4 mg.) 4/15-4/22; .9mL (3.6mg) 4/23-5/1; .81mL (3.24 mg) 5/2-5/24; .73mL (2.916mg.) 5/25-6/8; .65mL 6/9-6/23; .6mL 6/24-7/17; .58mL 7/18-7/28; .525mL 7/29-8/13; .5 mL 8/14-21; .45mL 8/22-31; .4mL 9/2-21; .35mL 9/22-10/4; .3mL 10/5-28; .25mL 10/28-11/10; .2mL 11/11-11/24; .18mL 11/25-12/3; .1mL 12/4-12/18. Zero-12/19/18-present.

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  • Moderator

It just shows how hard a job "House Wife" is. 😁

 

((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))

 

Brass

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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1 hour ago, RealMe said:
5 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I find myself doubting that this will ever end, but I know that's silly.  

No matter how many times I go through that feeling, it still returns with full power!

 

I can totally identify with this.  

That's when the support of our peers here means so much.  

Here's thinking of you, Rosetta.  

You inspire me!  

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

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Hi Rosetta,

My heart goes out to you along with all the positive thoughts I can muster..you deserve each and every one and more!  When I read back on recent posts I am overwhelmed and heart warmed by all you did along the way for your daughters birthday!  You put your heart and soul and body into it and it was a lovely day!!!  Your body is now telling you to rest...you deserve it and need it.  Sometimes those lovely moments, for me,  trigger a sadness over lost moments.

My tears flowed for you.  I believe, well I know, that as a mother/grandmother there IS grief about lost time with your child/children/grandchildren and I think that is ok, so long as it does not morph into how you define yourself...you don't deserve that. 

I feel such an overwhelming sadness sometimes and I do cry...and thats ok.  Only a mother can understand that maternal connection...and your connection is so strong and loving!  I hope that you will hang on to that.  For me, when I have a beautiful day or moment (today I was there when my granddaughter who looks exactly like my daughter did, said 'Mama'.), I yearn for more, feel sadness over past moments lost, and fear losing future moments. It was SO beautiful today, but I cried on the way back because I have lost many moments these past few years....but then I smiled, because it made THIS moment all the more treasured.  And Im proud that, today, I didn't let my anxiety and fears  keep me from catching it.  I'm proud of you and happy that your daughter's birthday was a most special one!! 

Hope you will be kind to yourself, Rosetta...and that the rest will gently wash some of this away...  

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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On 4/30/2018 at 6:47 PM, Rosetta said:

What WD has taken from me in terms of these precious younger years with my daughter makes me very, very sad.

 

I totally sympathize with this feeling.  

I know for myself, that my kids watch way too much tv.  

Because that's often all I have energy for them to be doing. 

That, or playing computer.  

 

My daughter last year had a 6 1/2 birthday party, because 

I was feeling lousy when it was her actual birthday.  

But she doesn't remember that part.  

She only remembers that she had a party.  

 

I've struggled with all the things I wish I was doing with them. 

That I haven't been able to do.  

But they are going to remember the things we did do. 

Not so much the things we didn't.  

 

Sure, sometimes you'll hear the 'but so-and-so gets to..."

But for the most part, they will remember the mom you are, 

not the mom you aren't.  

 

There is no way that you could ever have been the best of every mom. 

But you've always been you.  And I'm sure, 

even when you don't see it, 

that there are things about you, your daughter loves.  

 

My oldest recently pointed out

"You're sure sick a lot, Mom".  

Gulp.  

But he also says, 'You're the best mom ever!' 

So.  Well.  Bad as I feel I'm doing,

he still thinks I'm pretty special. 

And I'm sure your daughter does too.  

 

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

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Thats beautiful waterfall!!! My son made an angel in art for me that had one wing because of my panic and fears of flying etc.  He said its an angel...she has only one wing...but she's still an angel....

Kids are so wonderful!!!  You are an angel as is Rosetta and all of us flying on one wing but none the less caring for those we love!  

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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Thanks, everyone.  

 

Yesterday, the anxiety was better in the late afternoon and we went to my MIL's for my daughter's actual birthday.  I felt OK.  

 

Today was easier overall.  It started off bad.  I had 3 cortisol spikes and really awful anxiety before I got up.  Sleep was broken, but I didn't suffer the same degree of anxiety as the night before until the cortisol spikes started.  Twice I fell back asleep after cortisol, but the third time I gave up.  

 

I felt terrible this morning, but I went out.  I took my daughter to school, went to breakfast and then to the zoo.  My husband's theory is that if I don't get a walk and sunlight, I have a bad day.  I feel I need rest, but I guess that's just not in the cards.   I did have an okay day.  My daughter's class play was tonight.  It was cute.  Now I'm home and I'm not as exhausted as I expected to be from going all day long.   Maybe I'm going to have to push myself everyday with no break.  I don't like that idea, but if it's the only way to avoid the Hell of yesterday?   (Assuming I have that option.)

 

Thank you all for your kind words about yesterday.  I'm grateful.  They helped me a lot.

 

Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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It is really impressive how much you did today despite not feeling well this morning, Rosetta!  I am so glad today was a better one than yesterday.  Big hugs - WR.

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

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42 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

It is really impressive how much you did today despite not feeling well this morning, Rosetta!  I am so glad today was a better one than yesterday.  Big hugs - WR.

 

Thank you.  Being at home seems to be hard for me.  That is the opposite of how I have been most of my life.  Home has always felt safe.  This matter of home feelng toxic is very tough.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Hi Rosetta...so wonderful to hear you had more good moments today...warms my heart!!!! Blessings! 

 

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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