Rosetta: cold switch May 2011 & too fast taper Feb 2017

[Elyssa143]

@Rosetta hope you have a better day today!💓🙏

[Rosetta]

Thanks, Elyssa.  I woke up ok this morning.  I'm nervous, but not upset or worried.   My daughter's little friend is here, and they are playing.  

 

I'm having issues with dehydration or something.  I'm not sure what it is.  I feel dehydrated again, but it's simply not possible.  I suppose my body isn't working properly which is no surprise.  I'll have an electrolyte drink this morning.  I'm sure I'm hungry, and that always registers as anxiety for me.  

 

This odd "off" feeling should be familiar and comfortable by now, but no, it's never that way.

[RusTW]

How was your day Rosetta?Do ya drinks lots of water when you do your walks.I go thru 2or3 bottles when I walk.if I don't drink them I get that dehydration too with nausea.I hope you had a good day.

[Rosetta]

My day went well.  My daughter had a birthday party up the street.  We were there for 5.5 hours.  I'm very tired, but I feel ok.  I felt normal today.  The "off" feeling went away without me noticing.  What a strange affliction!

[RusTW]

Awesome that's great news.I'm hoping you will continue feeling better.maybe someday soon it will b gone for good.Good job ☺Rus

[Waterfall]

Hey Rosetta.  

I'm so glad to hear that you've had some normal feelings lately!

That is so exciting!

 

Oh, I love it when I feel normal. 

However brief.  

 

You've been through a lot. 

I hope you have a lot more normal to come.  

Oh, what a strange life we lead.  

[Rosetta]

Thanks, Waterfall!  Thanks, Rus!

 

I just found an old pill bottle (full of screws, how fitting, huh).  I took 150 mg of sertraline for 3 years!!  That's so ridiculous.  No wonder I have had a rough time.  The 150 was prescribed to me in Jan of 2014 to begin in February.  It quit the AD in Feb of 2017.  

[RusTW]

That is ridiculous I agree.I'm not liking having to still take it every day.I think what's causing my anxiety now.I was up to 125 down to 50 mg my psychiatrist wanted to raise it to175mg lol. I was started on a high dose

[DMV64]

On 1/23/2018 at 2:38 PM, Rosetta said:

thread on this site by a person who switched drugs I see a train wreck,

Oh Rosetta. Thanks for writing this. This is me. Often I am just wondering how i let it all happen to me. 

[Rosetta]

Yesterday was Sunday.  Sleep was not bad the night before.  I woke up without a cortisol spike, but I was anxious yesterday morning.  I went for a long walk and a swim.  The ocean was rough, and the waves relentless as it was building toward high tide.

 

Visited my MIL.  My daughter was grumpy in the evening after watching tv at her grandmother's all day.  They took a break to go to the library while I was swimming.    

 

My anxiety was still there in the evening.  My husband was out a birthday party for his friend and got home after bedtime.  We were still up.  

 

I was very, very tired at bedtime.  (I had been for a walk 6 days in a row as of Friday.  Saturday I was on my feet most of the day at the birthday party.)  Last nights sleep was poor.  My daughter woke up and couldn't go back to sleep.  She squirmed around for what seemed like 1/2 an hour or more.  

 

This morning, I had a bigger cortisol spike than I've had in a while.  I was very anxious as my husband left to take my daughter to camp.  Then, I cried for a while.  I am very sad that I can't have a normal life with my 7 year old.  I'm sad that she had to go to camp again this week.  I can take her out for a day if this wave doesn't get worse.  

 

I'm going now to have a walk before I pick her up at camp.

[RusTW]

Rosetta that's great you're getting into the ocean and getting some sun. that very therapeutic. I miss the ocean.it's amazing.Good place to re balance.

[Rabe]

Hi Rosetta,

Golly I wish I could be there to walk and water with you...healing!

 

6 days of walks and then bad sleep...thats a lot for an already weary system.  Im sorry you are feeling sad about you and your daughter.  I do truly feel that your reasons for camp were wise ones and Im sure she is having a good time...but can understand your feeling sad about feeling you are missing out on things with her.  I am hoping you are able to have a day with her, Rosetta, and that you can know that you are a lovely person and a devoted, loving mom who is giving all she is able to give...and then some.  What you have been doing has helped it seems???  Thinking of you!💜

[RusTW]

Hi Rosetta how's your day?☺

[Rabe]

Thinking about you Rosetta!💜

[Rosetta]

Thanks Rabe and Rus.  It would be great if you and I could walk together, Rabe!!

 

Yesterday I had some strange daydreams of a kind I remember having during the year before I quit Zoloft.  They were intrusive thoughts in the sense that I didn't choose to think about the subject, and they were about having confrontations with people or being in accidents.  In real life, I was driving when big truck pulled out in front of me and scared me a little bit. I had to brake, but it wasn't a near miss.  It was simply a surprise that I reacted to automatically and without much trouble.  The anti-lock brakes didn't engage at all.  After that the intrusive thoughts and daydreams occurred for several hours.  They were about all different sorts of situations in which I had to react and protect myself from other people.  They distracted me from driving and made me feel afraid.  I had forgotten about having these sorts of unwelcomed daydreams until yesterday.  

 

I drove to my MILs, walked on the beach.  Then I picked up my daughter and had dinner.  At home I had more energy than usual.  I did the dishes by hand before going to bed.  My daughter couldn't fall asleep.  She was very wound up from 3:30 to 9:00 pm.  Then I couldn't fall asleep either.  I was awake until about 10:30.  I think a chai tea I had at about 4:00 with my dinner may have caused me to be awake late.  I'm not sure.

 

I woke up with a mild/medium cortisol spike at 5:00 am.  Eventually, I dozed off and on until 7:00 when I woke up with another cortisol spike.  The anxiety wore off by the time I left the house at 8:00.  I had a small breakfast at about 9:30.

 

I took a very long, tiring walk today.  I did this to try to avoid getting Akathisia again.  I got very hungry by 2:00.  A snack got me through -- a tiny ice cream, some pretzels and some cherries.  I have been falling asleep while my daughter had a bath. Now, it's almost 7.  I am so tired, but I need to eat dinner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[RusTW]

Hi Rosetta the intrusive thoughts are tough.hope they were briefly there for ya.I had mine the worst during my full dose of zoloft.I was always thinking about death and illness intrusively.I was just as bad then in different ways.I couldn't escape it.I would get anxiety so bad from these dark thoughts. I caught myself daydreaming normally yesterday and was very surprised that I hadn't done that in a long time. I think a lot of negative things are coming to light now that I'm coming off these drugs. Good to hear from you I hope you have a good night sleep tonight.

[Rabe]

Hi Rosetta...I find with my system so over reactive that even something that before all this would not have lingered now does and causes a cascade as you are describing.  As unsettling as it is I think it is part of the healing...almost a way of protecting ourselves in this vulnerable time by replaying our past vulnerabilities.

Happy to hear you got some walks in again and the dishes...and that you were falling asleep early.  Hope it was signaling a good nights sleep for you!💜 

[RusTW]

Hi Rosetta I was thinking about you and wondering how you're doing today.

[Rosetta]

Thanks, Rabe.  Yes, maybe an event in traffic can cause a cascade.  I think it used to happen in traffic more often than at other times.  It's pretty hard to drive for 1/2 an hour around here without something happening to give at least a small jolt of adrenaline.

 

 

I did sleep ok.  I got to bed earlier, and my daughter was tired enough to just lie down and go to sleep instead of flip flopping.  I slept until early morning when I had a cortisol spike.  I lay there and worried until I finally fell back asleep.  Then I had another spike after first light.  We kept my daughter home from camp because I wanted to take her somewhere just the two of us.  So, I put on a sleep mask and dozed off again.  When I woke up the adrenaline was gone.

 

I'm having a pretty good day.  I feel normal!!  (That feels weird, of course.). I've been able to sort laundry and go into the garage.  It's as if I never had a fear of the garage.  

 

We haven't made it out yet, and it's 4:45.  I'm still trying to get her to go.  I was doing laundry!!!  That's incredible in and of itself.  I'm trying to get all her clothes ready day for school which starts a week from today.  I have no idea how I'll feel on any given day.  So, maybe I'll be ready with her clothes at least.  

 

Thank you, Rus.  I'm ok today, and I wish it could last forever.

[wantrelief]

So happy to hear you feel normal today, Rosetta - that is wonderful news!!

[RusTW]

49 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Thanks, Rabe.  Yes, maybe an event in traffic can cause a cascade.  I think it used to happen in traffic more often than at other times.  It's pretty hard to drive for 1/2 an hour around here without something happening to give at least a small jolt of adrenaline.

 

 

I did sleep ok.  I got to bed earlier, and my daughter was tired enough to just lie down and go to sleep instead of flip flopping.  I slept until early morning when I had a cortisol spike.  I lay there and worried until I finally fell back asleep.  Then I had another spike after first light.  We kept my daughter home from camp because I wanted to take her somewhere just the two of us.  So, I put on a sleep mask and dozed off again.  When I woke up the adrenaline was gone.

 

I'm having a pretty good day.  I feel normal!!  (That feels weird, of course.). I've been able to sort laundry and go into the garage.  It's as if I never had a fear of the garage.  

 

We haven't made it out yet, and it's 4:45.  I'm still trying to get her to go.  I was doing laundry!!!  That's incredible in and of itself.  I'm trying to get all her clothes ready day for school which starts a week from today.  I have no idea how I'll feel on any given day.  So, maybe I'll be ready with her clothes at least.  

 

Thank you, Rus.  I'm ok today, and I wish it could last forever.

I'm there with ya.Still in window.It does feel sooo good.I don't want it to end either.Will c.someday it will stay for good.Happy for you..I don't like having windows alone ☺

[Rabe]

Oh Rosetta I am SO happy for you that your day went SO well!!!  How wonderful to have faced the garage!  And to be doing and sorting laundry and getting her clothes set for school!  That's not an 'at least'..that's a huge step for you!  I am just so grateful for your day!  Will feel so settling to you I think to have that in place with school starting soon.  Proud for you!!!!  Hope you are too!!!  Did you get out finally?

Thank you again for your support!!!💜

[Carmie]

22 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Thanks, Rabe.  Yes, maybe an event in traffic can cause a cascade.  I think it used to happen in traffic more often than at other times.  It's pretty hard to drive for 1/2 an hour around here without something happening to give at least a small jolt of adrenaline.

 

 

I did sleep ok.  I got to bed earlier, and my daughter was tired enough to just lie down and go to sleep instead of flip flopping.  I slept until early morning when I had a cortisol spike.  I lay there and worried until I finally fell back asleep.  Then I had another spike after first light.  We kept my daughter home from camp because I wanted to take her somewhere just the two of us.  So, I put on a sleep mask and dozed off again.  When I woke up the adrenaline was gone.

 

I'm having a pretty good day.  I feel normal!!  (That feels weird, of course.). I've been able to sort laundry and go into the garage.  It's as if I never had a fear of the garage.  

 

We haven't made it out yet, and it's 4:45.  I'm still trying to get her to go.  I was doing laundry!!!  That's incredible in and of itself.  I'm trying to get all her clothes ready day for school which starts a week from today.  I have no idea how I'll feel on any given day.  So, maybe I'll be ready with her clothes at least.  

 

Thank you, Rus.  I'm ok today, and I wish it could last forever.

 

Hi Rosetta, 

 

This post of yours brightened my day. I’m sooo glad you’re having a day where you feel normal. Glad to hear your sleep wasn’t too bad either. I’m so happy for you. This really brought a smile to my face.💚

[RusTW]

Hi Rosetta -how's it going.I hope you are doing good 🙂

[Rosetta]

Last night, I went to the beach and swam in the ocean with my daughter and husband.  I felt very good.  The water was 80 degrees and there was a spectacular sunset.  We had dinner at his mother's and got home late.  I really felt happy and content.  We went straight to bed.

 

I woke up at about 2:00 am unable to go back to sleep.  I was worrying about all the things that seem unimportant to me during the day if I'm busy.  Then, I had a glass of milk and warmed my shoulder wrap.  Eventually, I fell asleep.

 

There were another couple of cortisol spikes this morning.  This is happening every morning lately.  So, I felt very discouraged this morning and depressed, but off we went to camp drop off.  I felt slight Akathisia in my limbs this morning.  For breakfast I had eggs, ham, tomatoes, avocado, and multigrain bread.  I'm still having only decaf.  I still felt crummy after breakfast.

 

I was also very tired after breakfast.  Instead of going for a walk I watched TV at my MIL's and read.  After reading for a while, I was feeling dystonia in my neck, shoulder, and chest and a little in my toes - all on the right side.  

 

Then, around noon I felt as if could take a nap.  This is happens more often these days, but each attempt results in a swift cortisol spike.  So, I didn't try it.  I got up and went for a walk.  As to the Akathisia in my limbs this morning, after my walk it was a little better.  It was very hot today even on the coast.  I try to stay hydrated.  I picked up my daughter from camp and took her to an amusement park to see her friend.  We headed home at 5:30.

 

I have very little appetite.  I'm so exhausted and I just want to go to bed, but I'm forcing food down to avoid having low blood sugar and a bad night.

 

Not a horrible day, but the fatigue and sadness of WD are wearing on me.  Hopefully, I will feel better tomorrow.

 

Thank you Carmie, Rabe, Rus and Wantrelief for sharing my good day with me.

 

 

[RusTW]

The evening swim sounded fun.I'm glad your doing some swimming.I love the ocean sunsets.The morning stuff is bothersome.I want my mornings back and my naps.The other day I just started to nap .I was sooo close.It will happen again someday for us.Your a busy Mom.Good job too.Sleep good.   Rus

[FarmGirlWorks]

1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

Not a horrible day, but the fatigue and sadness of WD are wearing on me.  Hopefully, I will feel better tomorrow.

Here's hoping you do as well! Sometimes just getting through the day and having hope for tomorrow is a victory in itself.

[Rabe]

2 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I really felt happy and content. 

 

Im not sure I remember you using those two words in the same sentence Rosetta...if you did my mind lost them.  In any case, they sound SO incredibly wonderful together and how lovely last evening with your family must have been!  I am SO happy for these moments you are having...hoping for more to come for you Rosetta...soon!  Hugs and prayers that you rest well tonight.  💜

 

Dumb question but what IS a cortisol spike?  I wonder is thats what has been new in the mornings and I dont know what it is....

Take care Rosetta...

[Elyssa143]

@Rosetta I hope today is better for you! I had about 5 good days and yesterday went back into a wave. Today I'm ok so far, just trying to keep busy. 

[RusTW]

Hi Rosetta- how was your day?

[Rosetta]

Thanks, Rus.  I hope you can nap soon!

FGW, thanks so much.  Yes, it is a victory.

Rabe, I think you might be RIGHT!!!  A cortisol spike . . . Let me think about how to describe it well.  My battery is dying right now.

Elyssa, I hope you sleep well.  Thanks for stopping by.

 

Today, I woke up ok.  It's possible there was no cortisol spike.  At about 2:00, I had a time that I couldn't sleep, but the worry was a little less difficult.  I heated my wrap, but not because the dystonia was present.  I hope the warmth would help me fall back asleep.

 

I was calm and only slightly nervous until I had a cafe mocha in a coffee shop at about 9:30.  I ordered decaf, but the barista must have used regular.  I was so wired until about 2:00 p.m.  I took a walk, and some of it wore off.  Wow.  I haven't had that effect from coffee in ages and ages.  It was really strong.  I have thought I had accidentally had caffeine before, but it wasn't that intense.  Maybe she put 2 shots in.  I had never tried that place before.  I still feel it and it's 7:00 p.m.   I'm hoping that I don't have a wave because of it.  I'm pretty nervous about that, but I think it will wear off and be ok.  Shoot.  I wanted to take the risk of dying my hair this weekend.  Now, I'm afraid to try it because of this other mistake with the caffeine.  

 

Otherwise, my day was fine.  Only the slightest dystonia and a cramped toe in each foot at different times.  Right now I feel tension in my arms and face, but it's probably because I'm reading and writing here.  

 

I forgot to write that I had diarrhea this morning before the coffee.  Then, I had more diarrhea afterward.  I think I'm ovulating. If so, it's been going on for about 4 days.  I'm still taking magnesium every night.  

 

My husband says that my gait has changed back to its normal way and that Im holding my shoulders and upper body normally again.  The plethora of ways those drugs and WD aff CTs our bodies seems to be never ending.  He tried to show me how I used to walk and I could barely look at him.  It was very disturbing to see it.  I'm constantly surprised by how many changes I see in my body and how I realize new ways this ordeal has affected me as the body starts to go back to normal.  It's quite outrageous that doctors don't see these odd changes and wonder what is happening to their patients.

[RusTW]

6 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Thanks, Rus.  I hope you can nap soon!

FGW, thanks so much.  Yes, it is a victory.

Rabe, I think you might be RIGHT!!!  A cortisol spike . . . Let me think about how to describe it well.  My battery is dying right now.

Elyssa, I hope you sleep well.  Thanks for stopping by.

 

Today, I woke up ok.  It's possible there was no cortisol spike.  At about 2:00, I had a time that I couldn't sleep, but the worry was a little less difficult.  I heated my wrap, but not because the dystonia was present.  I hope the warmth would help me fall back asleep.

 

I was calm and only slightly nervous until I had a cafe mocha in a coffee shop at about 9:30.  I ordered decaf, but the barista must have used regular.  I was so wired until about 2:00 p.m.  I took a walk, and some of it wore off.  Wow.  I haven't had that effect from coffee in ages and ages.  It was really strong.  I have thought I had accidentally had caffeine before, but it wasn't that intense.  Maybe she put 2 shots in.  I had never tried that place before.  I still feel it and it's 7:00 p.m.   I'm hoping that I don't have a wave because of it.  I'm pretty nervous about that, but I think it will wear off and be ok.  Shoot.  I wanted to take the risk of dying my hair this weekend.  Now, I'm afraid to try it because of this other mistake with the caffeine.  

 

Otherwise, my day was fine.  Only the slightest dystonia and a cramped toe in each foot at different times.  Right now I feel tension in my arms and face, but it's probably because I'm reading and writing here.  

 

I forgot to write that I had diarrhea this morning before the coffee.  Then, I had more diarrhea afterward.  I think I'm ovulating. If so, it's been going on for about 4 days.  I'm still taking magnesium every night.  

 

My husband says that my gait has changed back to its normal way and that Im holding my shoulders and upper body normally again.  The plethora of ways those drugs and WD aff CTs our bodies seems to be never ending.  He tried to show me how I used to walk and I could barely look at him.  It was very disturbing to see it.  I'm constantly surprised by how many changes I see in my body and how I realize new ways this ordeal has affected me as the body starts to go back to normal.  It's quite outrageous that doctors don't see these odd changes and wonder what is happening to their patients.

Rosseta dilute it with drinking 2 bottles of water.Everyday I have to do this.it takes the effect away.food does also help.good luck.hope ya get some good sleep tonight.lol thanks I almost fell asleep again today.so close.   Rus

[Rabe]

Another good day filled with positive signs...exciting!!  Sorry bout the caffeine.  It has always sent me over the top...hope it eases soon!!!💜

[Rosetta]

I let my friend with 3 kids come over so that my daughter could play, but they wore me out.  I really can't handle all the activity and all the little voices yelling and arguing.  She's so understanding of my limitations though.  A good friend.  My daughter used up a lot of energy, and now we can just watch tv.  I have no energy at all.  I wish I could nap.  Someday!!

 

I had no walk today.  That worries me, but it's impossible to do it every day.  It's still 87 degrees here at 5:00.  I couldn't go to he coast today.  

[Rabe]

Personally I think that is too hot Rosetta.  You have had difficulties with that in the past and I just wouldn't push it...it just messes up a lot when the electrolytes are off.  Plus you are tired anyway...take a break from it and plow out another 6 miles another day. 😳That really is something!!!  You go girl!!!😀👍

And you are having more windows and getting better right along...soon 6 miles will be short! In the mean time rest aka nap and hope you have a good evening with your wee one watching TV together!!!💜

[RusTW]

1 minute ago, Rosetta said:

I let my friend with 3 kids come over so that my daughter could play, but they wore me out.  I really can't handle all the activity and all the little voices yelling and arguing.  She's so understanding of my limitations though.  A good friend.  My daughter used up a lot of energy, and now we can just watch tv.  I have no energy at all.  I wish I could nap.  Someday!!

 

I had no walk today.  That worries me, but it's impossible to do it every day.  It's still 87 degrees here at 5:00.  I couldn't go to he coast today.  

Hi Rosetta- a good day to take it easy.Its hot here too 90s.Maybee tomarow you can walk.I almost took a nap again.this time I jolted as soon as I started to doze.Someday .Have a nice evening.   Rus